Suzanne explains why living with a boyfriend or a girlfriend with whom the future is unclear is just dumb. MARRIAGE OR RELATIONSHIP TROUBLES? Sign up here for coaching with Suzanne: www.suzanneven... WHWEPXB4NWHVOAP8
Пікірлер: 114
@YourRaincloud10 ай бұрын
My husband and I never snacked up before marriage and it always shocks people when they find out. They ask me things like “How did you know it would work out?” Or “what if you found something you didn’t like after the fact?” These are all questions that are answered by one simple thought: if I thought our relationship was so fragile that I worried about those things, I wouldn’t have married him. Happily married for 7 years. Marriage is complete trust that you two will work with and through anything and everything together. Marriage is work and is so worth it when you don’t marry a nut case.
@audreyestelle68710 ай бұрын
Same! Facts 💯. Married 7 years! October 1,2016 ❤
@Syrin23 Жыл бұрын
Shacking up means I love you ALMOST enough to marry you, but not quite.
@swisschalet165811 ай бұрын
It means I love you enough to cut my rent bill in half...but not enough to marry you.
@emilyvanhaausen372810 ай бұрын
💯
@MichelleNovalee10 ай бұрын
Or it means, I lust for you enough to have sex with you, but I don’t love you enough to marry you.
@bigol7169 Жыл бұрын
It is SO TRUE… us men, when we know, we KNOW
@audreyestelle68710 ай бұрын
Yes! My husband didn’t waste anytime. Met in September of 2015, married on Oct 1,2016. He never missed a beat with phone calls, text. I almost didn’t take him serious at first but here we are 7 years later with 3 kids ❤
@sadieesther972110 ай бұрын
Love how people don’t combine finances when they get married because they “don’t want to be told what to do with their money” but then they’d rather have a mortgage with someone they’re not married to and fight about splitting things 50/50 or even worse, proportional to each individual’s income such as 70/30
@castiel4746 Жыл бұрын
To sum up this is another example of: Why buying the cow when the milk is free
@6equj-569 Жыл бұрын
I know that marriage has become unpopular for men because of all of the stories from people that have gotten divorced.
@but_iWantedTo_speakGerman Жыл бұрын
@@6equj-569you were never going to get married. You’re salty and cannot even get a woman for sex.
@skylinefever Жыл бұрын
In addition, many men have the milk dry up quickly after marriage.
@emilyvanhaausen372810 ай бұрын
@@6equj-569Sounds like men need to up their standards in marriage. Not throwaway marriage altogether, because then that just results in a bunch of f-boys and single parent families.
@ec990311 ай бұрын
Suzanne, listening to this episode resonated with me so much. I was in the exact same situation you were in during college. Dated the same guy the entire time, gave those years to him, and he expected us to move in together after graduation, but I wasn’t raised that way and it never made me comfortable. Deep down, I knew the familiarity of our relationship was what he wanted, not me. He came from a dysfunctional family and I know now we never would’ve gotten married, it just wasn’t who he is. I thank God every day I quit being in limbo of the will we/won’t we back and forth and didn’t give him any more of my life than I already had. It would’ve been a disaster.
@simonb4689 Жыл бұрын
I grew up reading a lot of stories about dragons and Knights, etc. And forged in me some sort of chivalry code that prohibited sleeping around. Now I need to see how to implant something like that in my own kids.
@Beepbopboop1911 ай бұрын
Ooh! I know! Homeschool the kids using the Charlotte Mason method, Ambleside Online has free resources. Read the book "For The Children's Sake." You're welcome ;) 🤺🗡️🐲
@adararelgnel269510 ай бұрын
Religion... or fantasy books apparently.
@HeyLady0811 ай бұрын
This is such an important topic. You seriously have one of the best podcast around ❤
@tmeyer202210 ай бұрын
We are both senior widow/widower. You are correct that I had already mentally committed myself to marrying her I asked her to move in together. I knew she is/was the one for me. Our situation was different in that there was no posibility of having a child, and at our ages (mid 70's), you don't know if you have 25 minutes or 25 years left together. So, she moved in with me, and we married several months later.
@Jianglong374 ай бұрын
As someone who is not religious but also believes that shacking up and being physically intimate outside of marriage is a bad idea, I appreciate this video.
@winstonsjulia59428 ай бұрын
You can't simulate being married just like you can't simulate having and raising a child. You find out how it is and how to do it only while actually doing it for real.
@LenaBelleMusic11 ай бұрын
There’s also zero legal protection for your “shared” financial assets. And what if you break up but you are BOTH on the lease? I have heard that some people STAY living together post break up because they can’t get out of the lease. And if only one of you is on the lease, then the other can be out on the street in 0.5 seconds post break up with nowhere to go! And if one of you owns the home, the other is just going to be paying rent as the other builds equity with the rent that is being paid to them, while the non owning person has zero rights to the house? Terrible idea all around. And I totally agree about losing years of your life. You could literally miss the chance of having children and a family because you lost your fertile years shacking up with men who never committed to you, then they find someone younger and can make a family with them. Absolute scam
@michaelfarley1515 Жыл бұрын
I don't to recommend living together before marriage or getting married. Unless and until family laws change such that one party upon untying the knot is awarded cash and prizes.
@rootcanal7188 Жыл бұрын
Correct. Men are shunning marriage in record numbers for exactly that reason
@6equj-569 Жыл бұрын
Yea a lot of guys these days don’t want to get married because of the fear of getting a divorce. I feel you brother. If you’re feeling lonely, then I recommend that you form a close connection with god. Read your bible, if you take a look around you it’s very clear that we are in the end times.
@ProbablyBased Жыл бұрын
🙄
@but_iWantedTo_speakGerman Жыл бұрын
Then why the hell are you following a marriage channel? If you’re going your own way, WRACK OFF YOURE OWN WAY AND NEVER COME BACK.
@michaelfarley1515 Жыл бұрын
I am not going my own way. In fact, I am remarried and my wife signed a prenup. Suzanne dispensed good, sound advice on the whole even if I don't 💯 agree with her. Appreciate your invitation and concern and hope your day gets better.
@Maurinusa Жыл бұрын
Love what you're doing, Suzanne. Thanks!
@kathleenking47 Жыл бұрын
Its the GENERATION 🤔 we are out Generation, as much as our AGE.. For example: OUR PARENTS carried horrible cigarettes with them, instead of water bottles, etc (Baby Boomers, being the eldest)
@mpa8336 Жыл бұрын
Shacking up is not commitment. Marriage really kind of needs commitment... to work. Long term commitment, and patience. And courtesy.
@Mr_Fairdale Жыл бұрын
I would really like your perspective on age gap relationships
@swisschalet165811 ай бұрын
what..ped o feelia?
@Mr_Fairdale11 ай бұрын
@@swisschalet1658 if that's what you're into you need help... or a seat on the next ocean gate sub
@swisschalet165811 ай бұрын
@@Mr_Fairdale I’m not into that…but what in the heck is an “age gap” relationship and why would anyone want that?
@Mr_Fairdale11 ай бұрын
@@swisschalet1658 so you don't know what something is, but you already don't approve of it....?
@simplyMrs.11 ай бұрын
@Mr_Fairdale I think that would be an interesting topic as well.
@eyerollthereforeiam17099 ай бұрын
I did the 'shacking up' thing years ago. It seemed like a super idea at the time, but I now regret it.
@felixthecat27867 ай бұрын
It's really difficult to make an argument about what your child should be doing when they're a full grown adult and can make their own decisions. A lot of times, women need to figure out these lessons firsthand. They need to make their own mistakes so that they know how they should be treated. I had a parent who did this to me and it failed 100% Not because I wasn't willing to do what she wanted, but because it destroyed me, my personality, and my identity. I wasn't able to figure out who I was and what I wanted because I let her voice dictate my decisions. Living together should not be seen as a "test run" or playing house. Living together should be considered one of the steps or phrases towards marriage. It should be discussed and treated as such. I would never have moved with someone who did not have a timeline with marriage as the end goal. I never lived with a guy until I dated my fiance. We discussed our timeline early into the relationship and living together was discussed as a step towards marriage and not as a "well if we get along, we'll get married." We already knew that we got along....why wouldn't you know that already? We knew that we were heading towards marriage early in our relationship. We've been dating for four years and moved in together after a year (as discussed). Two years after that he proposed. Living together is something that commitphobes suggest because they are scared of real commitment (marriage). If you treat "living together" in this way, then it can be a really good way to know if the man you're dating is a man of his word. Men can be really covert when it comes to promises. I dated a lot of those men. They would promise me all sorts of things and then never deliver. My fiance is the only man who has ever delivered on his word and I felt comfortable surrendering myself to the timeline we created (which included living together first).
@starstoryteller4 ай бұрын
Or even if you have a religious family and background, it's always good to have logical reasons as well. It's multifaceted.
@trippssey11 ай бұрын
I think young people also just see marriage as unnecessary expense and being bound to the state. A concept. But how natural is it
@ginnyparra5811 Жыл бұрын
You take God out of your life and look for secular solutions. Sorry but it doesn’t work that way
@skylinefever Жыл бұрын
The reason these arguments are made is because people can't see the Bible stuff as more than fairy tales. The reply is usually "God exists because the Bible is written about Him. Spider Man exist because Marvel Comics made books about him."
@OrthoLady Жыл бұрын
@@skylinefever An unfortunately shallow take. Secular men need to stop expecting a traditional woman to fall into their lap when they refuse to be a traditional man that actually follows a meaningful tradition and provides direction and spiritual guidance. No wonder this channel is filled with MGTOW men making self-pittying and defeatist comments. They’re all Godless, living worldly lives, expecting to find a similarly secular and worldly woman who will sleep with them and live with them before marriage, but is somehow simultaneously traditional with traditional values and standards. It is an incredibly sad and self-perpetuating cycle. Unfortunately Protestantism has done so much to lead people to atheism and agnosticism. I recommend looking into the Eastern Orthodox Church if you want real tradition and the chance to find an actual traditional wife.
@swisschalet165811 ай бұрын
@@skylinefever Yet the science worshippers base their whole religion on textbooks and studies written by man...and somehow that's different.
@skylinefever11 ай бұрын
@@swisschalet1658 I love getting books full of scientists that get canceled for sexism or racism and show it to the reddit science crowd.
@y.peffle280210 ай бұрын
ok great, the second you say that they stop listening. I grew up very religious (church 2x in sunday, youth etc) and guess what, at 19 moved in with my boyfriend. A secular argument would have probably helped me a lot more
@kinnish5267 Жыл бұрын
I love your topics!!!
@rchinelly11 ай бұрын
Thank you for talking about this. I wish you would have talked more about the stats. There are so many people living together and having kids BUT the divorce rate and fatherless homes are at an All Time High.
@6equj-569 Жыл бұрын
I know that a lot of people don’t want to get married anymore because of the crazy stories that are coming out of the family court system. You don’t have to get married to have long lasting meaningful relationship with someone.
@TRUTHandLIGHT4809 Жыл бұрын
Court system can be balance by a pre nup. To be pretending to be married is called FORNICATION. That helps nobody. Usuary at best
@twonac5058 Жыл бұрын
And you get nothing in return if the relationship doesn’t work. Therefore, you wasted your time! Your time invested was a waste! A man can easily pack up and leave to start a family with another woman while a woman will always get the short end of the stick. ALWAYS!!! Think about yourself first!
@logicaltoafault6310 Жыл бұрын
That makes it sound like marriage is relationship insurance? If it goes wrong at least I get a payout, which might be great for the payee, but not so much for the payer.
@GBU61 Жыл бұрын
@@twonac5058 So you would be in favor of a marriage that offers a fair shake for a man? Right now if a man enters into a marriage he is handing over all his legal leverage. Start with agreeing to no child support, 50/50 custody plus no alimony. Most women would not agree to that because she benefits in marriage way more than he does.
@skylinefever Жыл бұрын
Incentives drive behavior, and conservatives waving their finger at men for being unmarried is not enough of an incentive.
@pleasepleasethebees11 ай бұрын
I think perhaps your argument is missing the reality that unhealthy, personality-disordered people are in every type of relationship structure. Married or partnered. Our young adults need coaching on boundaries, red flags, and on how to recognize patterns of behavior that show abusive or manipulative tendencies. Marriages of five years or living together five years - both relationships can end and people learn from them, but one is legally much harder to extricate yourself from should things go south.
@transitionsnc10 ай бұрын
I completely agree with this.
@westadam88909 ай бұрын
I've lived/shacked up with girlfriends in the past and yes we had plenty of sex, its part of shacking up. They were all beautiful relationships at the time. We were also exclusive to each other. They were great learning experiences. My first was in my college years (I was in my mid 20's) after I graduated I asked her to follow me. She didn't want to leave the area where she grew up. So I moved on. I guess my point is both parties have to be mature enough to understand and deal with consequences involved in such an arrangement.
@cnnisahatesymbol7626 Жыл бұрын
Here's the problem I see with what you've said. Will it's beneficial to a woman to be married and have a mans commitment. Women don't hold up their end of this commitment and expect men to be held to it. Women are not held to their end and also can use the courts against him trapping or enslaving that man. Knowing this is extremely common. Marriage should be completely off the table as far as the state goes period.
@pancakewsx Жыл бұрын
That makes a lot of sense. Though, living together reveals many potential red flags (and sex or sexual compatibility is the last point on the list). You can actually see the energy, the lifestyle, the habits. You see someone at idle time, not just nicely dressed and ready for a date. It works pretty much the same way as being a roommate with a friend from HS after graduation: all of the sudden, someone you knew for years is (or can be) a totally different person - often you're fed up after a month of sharing a flat. From my perspective, living together with your SO reveals similar qualities. However, it doesn't mean you need to live with someone for years, but at least give yourselves six months to a year before getting married.
@ProbablyBased Жыл бұрын
I totally disagree. You shouldn't live together before marriage, and you don't have to - even for the points you listed. If you're considering a future with someone, and your dates have never made it past the "all dolled up" phase, it's not serious enough, and you haven't spent enough time together. The mask *will* slip eventually. I know my fiancé's pet peeves and the things he does that bother me - and we never had to live together. We just spend a lot of time together! This isn't to say marriage isn't its own thing, but living together doesn't teach you anything you shouldn't have already known
@pancakewsx Жыл бұрын
@@ProbablyBased So, are you already married or still engaged? Any changes in perception after marriage? Any new discoveries? I know what I know and I have experiences to the contrary of what you said. Also, I've seen several cases of people, who married without ANY living together and it was pretty rough, so everyone has its own truth. I lived with my wife for years before marriage and I don't regret it. Living with someone as a roommate, even for a limited time, will tell you more than years of dating. Starting from the very basic things like circadian rhythm (is he or she a night owl or an early bird), eating and cooking habits, daily activities, cleaning up after themselves, being messy or pedantic, etc. These only seem trivial and easily visible. But drowned in the hormonal soup of honeymoon stage, you rarely see them early enough.
@TRUTHandLIGHT4809 Жыл бұрын
Compatible fable used as an excuse to see if it can work is a lie. It's the excuse to USE people for fornication. It is dealing to all involved even friends and family. There are many ways to learn about a person
@ProbablyBased Жыл бұрын
@Ed Younica Yeah, I totally agree. What is "sexual compatibility" even supposed to mean? Seems like a made up term to justify fornication, just like you said
@pancakewsx Жыл бұрын
@@ProbablyBased where do I even highlight that term? On the contrary, I mention all other reasons and use the sex thing as a contrast.
@andreim.5538 Жыл бұрын
Oh good start listening, UK
@spicole2937 Жыл бұрын
Ramsey made fun of men 7.2 million that have been taxed work moved overseas since 84 im one of them and a vet said it was because men arelazy and playing video games ive worked 32 yrs heavy metal machining 4yrs army and 5 d n a tests none later im out read some article men with are leaving the country never too return
@rootcanal7188 Жыл бұрын
Sorry, but men risk everything by entering into the State-sanctioned marriage contract. If secular or religious private marriage contracts were recognized by the State, there would be no problem going with those arrangements.
@6equj-569 Жыл бұрын
I feel you brother, a divorce can be a financial death sentence for a man. A lot of guys are choosing to sleep around.
@ProbablyBased Жыл бұрын
They do. State-sanctioned is the secular "marriage." They obviously also accept ceremonies done by religious officiants. You really said: "Man, I hate marriage! If only they'd except church or court-house weddings instead!" Like, they do? 🤨 There really isn't anything wrong with the way the state does weddings - hot take, I know. Your real issue is with the pool of people for those marriages and the lack of enforcing the marriage after the wedding, which I agree with. However, it's no excuse to dissuade *everyone* from getting married. Be choosy, and the processes you're complaining about won't apply to you. Also, as an aside: your mindset starts you off on the wrong foot in your relationships and is why the processes could apply to you. It is a self-fulfilling prophecy
@TRUTHandLIGHT4809 Жыл бұрын
Solid pre nup is necessary to remove power of State
@thebritishindian1 Жыл бұрын
@@TRUTHandLIGHT4809 All of these career women are a threat to your happiness if they pull a no fault divorce at the peak of your earnings. No way man.
@TRUTHandLIGHT4809 Жыл бұрын
@@thebritishindian1 pre nup blocks that
@skylinefever Жыл бұрын
Either family court can stop being a game of Russian roulette for men, or women can continue hoping to marry without any luck.
@TheSnoopyclone Жыл бұрын
I wouldn’t move in. The laws don’t favor you if you’re a man.
@spicole2937 Жыл бұрын
Marriage makes men feel insecure
@TheSnoopyclone Жыл бұрын
If a parachute had a failure rate of 75% and you had to jump off the airplane, you would feel confident and secure about a 25% success rate?! Wow.
@Ehhmm Жыл бұрын
This needs to be re-uploaded the audio is coming on and out.
@canelareina379510 ай бұрын
Is Suzanne Christian?
@MrFrobbo9 ай бұрын
😂 Men, you will never know the woman until you live with her, all her friend zone men she keeps on the go, if she's actually a good housewife, her real life. NEVER marry due to the financial risks (unless she has more assets than you) without getting to know her, in fact best to avoid marriage. 50% of marriages end in divorce, 75% or more instigated by the woman. Too risky these days.
@scientious11 ай бұрын
Very weak.
@but_iWantedTo_speakGerman Жыл бұрын
Ban the anti marriage cultists please.
@skylinefever Жыл бұрын
Hard to be a cult when so many exist. A religion is a cult that is common enough to gain mainstream aceptance.
@Clare-tea Жыл бұрын
I agree with your comment about banning the anti- marriagers. Black pills all over the place here. Why are they even here?