2 Types of Emotional Unavailability: Fearful vs. Dismissive Avoidance [Attachment Styles]

  Рет қаралды 59,128

Briana MacWilliam

Briana MacWilliam

4 жыл бұрын

Does your partner struggle to commit, and seem to have a fear of intimacy?
One minute they are soft and cuddly, and the next, they are cold as ice?
Or maybe you struggle with these things yourself, and feel sick of falling headlong into relationships, only to wind up feeling bored, smothered, trapped, or worried about hurting your partner, just when things are supposed to be getting good.
If this sounds familiar, it’s likely high levels of emotional avoidance is sabotaging your relationships.
[ Not sure? Download your checklist here: bit.ly/AvoidancePDF ]
Notably, avoidance typically demonstrates itself in two distinct ways: fearful and dismissive.
Worthy of note, I equate individuals with fearful avoidant attachment, with disorganized attachment, whom I refer to as “Spice of Lifers.”
These individuals want connection, but also fear it, and tend to be suspicious and distrustful of their partner’s love, as well as their own ability to sustain a healthy relationship. They are hypervigilant with emotional cues, and often overly sensitive (and thus rejecting) towards even benign requests for contact.
Those that have dismissive avoidant attachment, I call “Rolling Stones.”
These individuals seem to be cut off from their emotions and are unable to reach the same loving and reciprocal emotional “volume” that their partners are capable of, and deeply desire. They just don’t pick up on or respond to the emotional cues in the same way, and often feel frustrated, inadequate, and criticized by their partners, who just assume they don’t care, or are being lazy.
It’s important to know which type you or your partner has, because the journey towards felt security will assume a slightly different angle in therapeutic treatment, or if you intend to pursue self help and personal development approaches.
In this video, we explore these two different presentations in greater detail, and offer a downloadable checklist and assessment for how to determine what type of avoidance you, or your lover, may be struggling with.
Download your checklist here: bit.ly/AvoidancePDF
I hope you enjoy the video, and be sure to comment in the thread with your thoughts and experiences for our livestream Q and A!
⭐WANT TO LEARN MORE? ⭐
Take the attachment styles quiz:
bit.ly/4LuvStylesYT
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Website: www.brianamacwilliam.com/

Пікірлер: 162
@coltenkelso5764
@coltenkelso5764 Жыл бұрын
I’m a fearful avoidant. Fearful avoidants can also be dismissive in relationships once relationships are actually formed also. I swing between being fearful and then dismissive in relationships.
@brianamacwilliam.attachment
@brianamacwilliam.attachment Жыл бұрын
Thank you for commenting and for sharing your experience, Colten Kelso. Sending you well wishes on your journey.
@universaltruth2025
@universaltruth2025 Жыл бұрын
I am FA as well and yes agree - that has been the case for me. I’ve been with my DA husband for many years now & I recognise all the patterns in my own behaviour & his. I’ve been trying to learn what my triggers are to try to avoid getting so angry so easily. I think many are due to the intermittent reinforcement of positive attention in early childhood and also having a chaotic stressful environment growing up. I like knowing what to expect and really don’t like unexpected changes. They often provoke rage in me which takes quite a while to calm down from and then I’ll feel depressed and shame due to overreacting. If I know in advance about a particular change to my routine coming up (even minor ones) I get a lot of anxiety in the lead up as well as anger. I think I most worry about the feeling of physical stress and fatigue which I invariably feel from having to get more done and even think more than usual. I will get through the event on adrenalin and cortisol and then it will take me a long time to recover afterwards. My husband doesn’t experience much of this. But sometimes he doesn’t do what he has said he will and that will irritate me a lot.
@Heyu7her3
@Heyu7her3 8 ай бұрын
Yes, that's why both descriptors are within the name...
@Heyu7her3
@Heyu7her3 8 ай бұрын
​@@universaltruth2025 It sounds like you have an anxious attachment style... fearfully-avoidant individuals don't typically make it to longterm commitment/ marriage unless they've changed their attachment style along the way
@promo130
@promo130 Ай бұрын
95% of avoidents dont have a clue they are 1
@gigibtsurvivor3348
@gigibtsurvivor3348 3 ай бұрын
I feel overwhelmed with the toe-tipping and patience of Jane Goodall required to hold space for “spice of lifers” and “rolling stone”. It is similar to trying to feed a vicious, stray dog. I have so much compassion for partners who struggle with FA/DA, but it needs to be a partnership, not a rehabilitation program.
@user-yv1fh3fc8y
@user-yv1fh3fc8y 2 жыл бұрын
Too exhausting and confusing. Don’t count on subtle flirting, hints, or breadcrumbs. Find a plain-spoken person who verbally and physically demonstrates their love for you 😌😌
@sunbeam9222
@sunbeam9222 Жыл бұрын
Isn't it everybody s dream? I certainly want that, just have no idea where they hang out 😅
@firefoxchibi
@firefoxchibi 6 ай бұрын
I'm an anxious attachment and after experiencing relationships with both types of avoidants, I can tell you I'd much rather take an FA. At least they have phases where they can be vulnerable and connect deeply. With a DA, you're basically constantly emotionally starved.
@iamsoohappy
@iamsoohappy Ай бұрын
I'd rather be single
@cherylthompson2731
@cherylthompson2731 2 жыл бұрын
Iam FA and never had a problem with expressing myself emotionally... Until I met my DA! Never again will I trust another person 💯
@ChilledOut
@ChilledOut 3 жыл бұрын
I am fearful avoidant. I only discovered attachment theory in adult relationships 3 months ago after breaking up and being confused about my DA’s hot and cold behaviours. We should be taught this in high school, it would save so much heartache and miscommunication. I am already on the path to becoming secure.
@ChilledOut
@ChilledOut 3 жыл бұрын
Possibility Thinking It has been difficult because I have had to face the trauma I experienced throughout my childhood. I have always just ignored it and got on with life. Now I understand how it affected my social and emotional development and although I am a highly functioning adult I have deep wounds that need to be addressed. I will definitely go into my next relationship with eyes wide open. Also, I work with children so it has enlightened me to the extent that children are affected by trauma. I cringe when I hear “they’re so young, they won’t remember” or “they don’t know what’s happening, it doesn’t affect them”.
@ChilledOut
@ChilledOut 3 жыл бұрын
Possibility Thinking I’m so sorry you feel that way. Unfortunately we can’t control what others do to us as children, but you are on the right path if you are wanting to heal. Another great channel is the Personal Development School with Thais Gibson. She posts short, detailed videos daily and is an ex spice-of-lifer ( FA). Highly trained in the area of attachment, behaviour theory and brain development.
@annad477
@annad477 4 жыл бұрын
i recently learned abt attachment styles which really changed my view of myself. i’ve been told i’m mysterious even though i never thought that abt myself. a girl at my work even commented how it seems i don’t talk to ppl unless they approach me first. i like what you said abt metaphors bc i do tht a lot. i’m trying to be more open and be better abt not hating the ppl tht get close to me. i think i’m more fearful avoidant but i’m not sure. i’m very nice w ppl and enjoy talking about emotions especially because they almost feel like something new i’ve discovered within the past few years (i relate to the dissociation part). but only their emotions. thanks for the video
@JaneMay2024
@JaneMay2024 4 жыл бұрын
OMG this is exactly what my ex and I were like. I loved him so much and was always trying to find out why we kept arguing or giving each other the silent treatment
@Sprint622
@Sprint622 3 жыл бұрын
You are so thorough and insightful! Thank you for your hard work and your compassion 💗🙌🏽
@jennysilver2577
@jennysilver2577 3 жыл бұрын
Wow. Life changing. Thank you 🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻.
@lilyjane1011
@lilyjane1011 2 жыл бұрын
Thanks for those encouraging words.
@des4249
@des4249 3 жыл бұрын
love this thank you!
@mishkameow
@mishkameow 4 жыл бұрын
Seriously super helpful. Thank you for this!
@brianamacwilliam.attachment
@brianamacwilliam.attachment 4 жыл бұрын
Aurelie Richards Thank you for watching and for commenting. I’m glad that it helps!
@angelamossucco2190
@angelamossucco2190 Жыл бұрын
This is profoundly helpful.❤ Your teachings on symbolism and play are positively impacting my self understanding and well-being. I am increasingly thinking in symbols to understand my emotions and thoughts. The precise Things in between fearful avoidant or Spicer boyfriend and dismissive avoidant or Rolling Stones are extremely helpful. between dismissive avoidant or spice of life or’s and
@Revolution-tl5wo
@Revolution-tl5wo 2 жыл бұрын
Thank you. I'm going to use this information to never waste another moment of my life with an avoidant partner again. They are not safe, and I don't have any interest in carrying the entire emotional load of relationships ever again only to keep leaving out my own needs because it's the only way they don't feel (gag) "controlled." These people can work their shit out alone. DONE.
@DestinyA83
@DestinyA83 5 ай бұрын
Wow. Sounds like a lot of your emotion's are yours to start with. We dismissive avoidancers don't expect anyone to carry our emotions. We certainly don't "control" others feelings or lives. So if someone is, either they're a narcissist and you're trapped in their web or possibly you're having enough emotions for both of you... Which could indicate that you may be suffering from your own personality disorder. 🤷🏻‍♀️
@audtasticgirl
@audtasticgirl 4 ай бұрын
Heal you then.
@iamsoohappy
@iamsoohappy Ай бұрын
I feel you. I understand too. They don't know how to emotionally regulate and most times are emotionally immature too. We don't get it, so we continue to pour and regulate ourselves and them on our own, it gets sooo exhausting. I'm taking time for myself and pouring into myself now. I don't need to or want to deal with people who don't think they have a problem, don't want to work on it, and makes me feel neglected. Stay blessed❤
@SK-no2pp
@SK-no2pp 4 жыл бұрын
Thanks so much for this video!
@brianamacwilliam.attachment
@brianamacwilliam.attachment 4 жыл бұрын
S K Thank you for watching and for commenting. I’m glad you like the content.
@sunbeam9222
@sunbeam9222 Жыл бұрын
Haha this is amazing. I mainly only saw their power in my spice of lifer. And this for sure sparked them to perceive me as the enemy. Thank you for such succinct in depth content 🎉
@ibrahimkurdieh3728
@ibrahimkurdieh3728 3 жыл бұрын
Wow brilliant stuff
@sara.12312
@sara.12312 4 жыл бұрын
Thank you very much This is really helpful
@brianamacwilliam.attachment
@brianamacwilliam.attachment 4 жыл бұрын
Sarah Abdelhamid Thank you for sharing your feedback. I’m glad that the content has been helpful!
@murrayclarke2171
@murrayclarke2171 3 жыл бұрын
She’s really good.
@jeffp7776
@jeffp7776 4 жыл бұрын
12:56 is so profound. Getting them to be comfortable with uncertainty is how I understood it. Helping them to realize that it's NOT always going to make them feel bad. Avoiding the experience from their perspective doesn't let the pain in and we know that's what drives the avoidance. But in doing this they ALSO are avoiding any possibility the experience can be POSITIVE. Is this correct? Also is it possible that each of us could be fearful- avoidants sharing many qualities of BOTH but predominantly (not by much) fearful or avoidant? Thank you. Your clear speaking and ability to stay on tract sets you apart from the other speakers on attachment theory. It's such a pleasure listen to you
@brianamacwilliam.attachment
@brianamacwilliam.attachment 4 жыл бұрын
Jeff P Thank you for watching and for commenting. These are great insights and questions.
@gregkral4467
@gregkral4467 3 ай бұрын
thanks, helps make sense of the last 44 yrs of expletive deleted. certainly at first was anxious, then many facets turned dismissive in self preservation and toughen the heck up boy kinda attitude.
@SD-vw8jd
@SD-vw8jd 2 жыл бұрын
Hi Briana! Thank you so much for all the content you provide. I love your videos. I have a question. Aren't the Anxious preocupied also deep down emotionally unavailable?
@pixxie__
@pixxie__ 4 жыл бұрын
This just clarified for me that I'm definitely fearful avoidant. So insightful
@brianamacwilliam.attachment
@brianamacwilliam.attachment 4 жыл бұрын
Alex Manning Thank you for watching and for commenting. I’m glad that you got some insight out of it!
@clarissahungria
@clarissahungria 2 жыл бұрын
Hi Briana! is the PDF no longer available? loved the video, thank you!
@cynthialeveque6606
@cynthialeveque6606 4 жыл бұрын
WOW!!
@MeiziVu
@MeiziVu 2 жыл бұрын
Great 🙏
@chrismcevoy2503
@chrismcevoy2503 Жыл бұрын
I think I would also consider myself a Spice Of Lifer too Briana.
@sarahg2161
@sarahg2161 4 жыл бұрын
Thank you so much for everything you share. Your videos have been super helpful for me (a spice of lifer) and my rolling Stone husband. Mostly the self development I've done has given him the space and security to open up. I'm wondering when you talk about play therapy to help the rolling stone open up to their feelings if this is only intended for a therapuetic relationship or if this is something that could be explored within a partnership? I struggle sometimes with trying to play the role of therapist for both of us as I've begun my healing journey. So now sometimes wonder if I'm overstepping what my roll in the relationship should be. However, I do want to tap into whatever can help me and in turn, the relationship that I'm in.
@brianamacwilliam.attachment
@brianamacwilliam.attachment 4 жыл бұрын
Sarah G Thank you for watching and for sharing a bit of your story with me. I do intend for playful approaches to be applicable in a therapeutic situation but also in an adult romantic relationship. Because when we are in romantic relationships we give ourselves permission to love in the way that children do and that’s why when it’s good it feels so good. My course on relationship rescue demonstrates to couples how they can bring playfulness into the relationship without one person becoming the therapist and the other a patient. You can find the info page here: creativeartstherapiesonline.com/p/relationship-rescue/
@sarahg2161
@sarahg2161 4 жыл бұрын
@@brianamacwilliam.attachment thanks so much! I will definitely check that out
@b.t.734
@b.t.734 2 жыл бұрын
Dear Briana; this is so helpful. After long years of therapy i have become a more or less secure. My loved partner/ date/ crush (difficult to put a label, you see) is a fearful avoidant though. What when he goes missing in a funk: shall i initiate contact or shall I let him start the talking or the warming up? I think this is crucial in helping a relationship work and eventually repair. I really appreciate your help and comments here. Love.
@chrismcevoy2503
@chrismcevoy2503 Жыл бұрын
I think I want connection Briana, but I also fear it and I feel cut off from my emotions.
@geraldineharrington6210
@geraldineharrington6210 4 жыл бұрын
The bit you said at the end about testing people and being perceived as a victim makes so much sense to me. I find it applies very much to therapy at the moment.
@chrismcevoy2503
@chrismcevoy2503 Жыл бұрын
I would say that I’m Fearful-Avoidant Briana because I fear rejection and I guess intimacy too.
@laurisawitch0707
@laurisawitch0707 Жыл бұрын
Being FA I think my attachment expression has a lot to do with the people I'm around. Lately my coworkers have a lot of qualities of anxious attachment and so I've skirted to more of the avoidant side. But I think taking into perspective, there's a part of me that disdains my past (more anxious) behaviors and sometimes I project that onto open hearts. in some ways I think being an FA still has you more emotionally available than a DA. Being highly self critical how I come off can help me attune to others more than a DA. And when I shut down from too much intimacy explaining that to my partner that I will get overwhelmed really does help. I'm almost excessively emotionally aware because I don't want my emotions to leak into the 'real world'. But when I can verbalize that experience as objectively as I can that does seem to help a lot and helps me explain to my partner *exactly* what I want/need but concisely with no (accidental) emotional blackmail
@apomnu00
@apomnu00 3 жыл бұрын
do you have the titles of the books you recommend on this video?
@lizzzarduh
@lizzzarduh 4 жыл бұрын
I think I am a spice of lifer. I definitely have avoidance issues. I’m in a serious relationship with a man currently and I’m really scared learning that I probably have this issue. I really want the relationship to last and see us being together long term, but am I damaging my partner with my behavior? How do I work on myself? Can I ever fix this about myself?
@maximilianbatz2070
@maximilianbatz2070 3 жыл бұрын
You can definitely work on this. Check out Thais Gibson`s Videos as well, she had this style and managed to become secure.
@CuddleClaw.
@CuddleClaw. 11 ай бұрын
10:00 dismissive -metaphor, play 13:45 fearful- widen window for emotional tolerance
@brianamacwilliam.attachment
@brianamacwilliam.attachment 10 ай бұрын
The idea that you don't have to "earn" love or a place in a relationship can be a game-changer. Many of us are conditioned to believe love is transactional or must be worked for, but the healthiest relationships are those where love is freely given. Thank you for sharing your reflections and experience.
@George-Aguilar
@George-Aguilar 3 жыл бұрын
Omg. This is f**%]# crazy! You sounded exactly like my Ex-Wife. Why didn’t I learn this 21 years ago
@brianamacwilliam.attachment
@brianamacwilliam.attachment 3 жыл бұрын
George Aguilar Thank you for commenting. I’m glad the content has been helpful!
@wendydaniel1110
@wendydaniel1110 Жыл бұрын
Thank God we can all make much better life changing choices now because information is everywhere that empowers us going forward 😊😊
@vykryl65
@vykryl65 Ай бұрын
Im dismissive avoidant, everything starts with work. You will get to know me more by working beside me than you will by trying to just hang out
@brianamacwilliam.attachment
@brianamacwilliam.attachment Ай бұрын
Thank you for sharing a bit of your personal experience
@HawkRauster-pg5yc
@HawkRauster-pg5yc Ай бұрын
I guess all that is one step in the right direction. I don't like to categorize things all that much, I haven't met anyone who was so on the nose; it's more like, things happen, and then you get this as a result, however you slice it. But when he's friends with a bunch of people that hate me, and some want to hurt children (yikes) and doesn't seem keen on changing that or admitting me, well, what's the point? Like, oh, great, you love me enough to stuff me into a closet when other people are looking. Hey, I think Alfalfa did that on the Little Rascals. You know what his problem was? He didn't care at all what Darla thought, because he didn't respect her. He was proud of all the friends around him that kept him a little boy that never had to grow up. You know what? There's a cute security guard that works in the building a few blocks away. Sometimes I wonder if he likes coffee, seeing as Mr. "I'm so cool for having friends that care nothing for my actual wellbeing" won't give me the time of day. And I wouldn't care if I was committed, or even married to such a fool, actually. Because he clearly only sees dedication as a means to trap someone. I daresay, he'll respect a union he's in exactly as much as the woman in question. In that case, not at all. (... I wonder what the security guard's name is? I should look closer and see if he has a name tag. Heh... He's so cute in his uniform. Maybe I should pretend I'm lost and ask for directions...)
@carolmason1642
@carolmason1642 3 жыл бұрын
This is weird because as an ACA I see a bit of my everywhere although I have done a lot of work . Is it possible to misdiagnose yourself and take the wrong course ??
@juliecaffari145
@juliecaffari145 4 жыл бұрын
Sorry, when you’re viewing the video on a phone, where do I look for the link to the checklist? Thank you!!
@irrittt
@irrittt 4 жыл бұрын
U press the little arrow on the right of the title and scroll down.
@sansadrake4133
@sansadrake4133 3 жыл бұрын
I get an equal % of fearful and dismissive avoidance. 🤔 how does that work 😂
@siryoucantdothat9743
@siryoucantdothat9743 2 жыл бұрын
You indeed are the spider man heart
@bettesfragrancereviews1994
@bettesfragrancereviews1994 4 жыл бұрын
Okay, I have a question for you all. I’m new to the world of people with Avoidant personality, and I was wondering if you could give me insight. I have a major crush on someone who, sure enough, is making me wonder whether I should pursue them or not. They’re an acquaintance’s sibling, in their 50s, who has been living with another sibling for at least ten years. Accomplished, smart, has hobbies, a sense of humor, behaves politely and describes themselves as “Shy”. However, they have opened up about their feelings and their interests without any external prompt, which makes them seem “not as walled-in as I thought avoidants were”. Here’s the thing: They’re “blowing hot and then cold”. By this, I mean that they tend to disappear the day after we’ve talked more, and got to know each other better. One day, they didn’t even seem to have accessed the messaging app they use to communicate with everyone (including family and friends - I know this for a fact). It’s as if, even in this early stage, they’re being avoidant, though when we talk, they don’t sound either avoidant or boastful. Sure, they take pride in their accomplishments, but they don’t seem to have a grandiose sense of self. No red flags pertaining to narcissism about the way they talk, but then there’s this “absence” between our interactions. I thought that, perhaps, they may be an Avoidant, but now I’m wondering if they may actually be a Covert Narcissist playing games. I’m just not sure what to think Please, feel free to chime in, and if you need any clarifications, just ask. Thank you!
@maximilianbatz2070
@maximilianbatz2070 3 жыл бұрын
Looks like a dismissive avoidant to me from what you describe.
@bettesfragrancereviews1994
@bettesfragrancereviews1994 3 жыл бұрын
@@maximilianbatz2070 Hey there, thanks for replying. I agree. By now, they seem like a dismissive avoidant to me too.
@ZenPepperClub
@ZenPepperClub 2 жыл бұрын
I Luv U 😊
@sunbeam9222
@sunbeam9222 Жыл бұрын
I lean dismissive and relate to metaphors very much.
@sushisam3010
@sushisam3010 Жыл бұрын
Could you explain me better this part of the metaphors? I didn't understand very well in the video. The DA who liked me told me she was passionate about my way of communicating and my metaphors. Deep down, I think she really fell in love with my writing and not with me. LOL
@sunbeam9222
@sunbeam9222 Жыл бұрын
​@@sushisam3010your way of expressing is part of you, she fell in love with you for that and other things I'm sure. I was also passionate about these traits in my FA, but that wouldn't be enough if that alone. I admire and love the person he is. In the way someone expresses we can perceive much more of their essence than a writing skill. Then again it seems like DAs have a hard time explaining why they love someone. But they do. I know I love my FA beyond physical or mental characteristics. It's him my heart beats for, no one else. I know that 💯. I like metaphors because I tend to suck at talking about my feelings directly, I feel like it's not right to express sadness or fear etc because it's up to me to sort that out. But when it's within a metaphor and not directly me, then yes I can recognise it is ok and valid. And therefore might spot that it is ok and valid for me also.
@sushisam3010
@sushisam3010 Жыл бұрын
@@sunbeam9222 So does the metaphor give a sense of "lightness" in feeling and speech recognition? Is it like you talk about yourself, but not in the first person? It seems to me that DAs also have difficulties understanding the feelings of others. A metaphor is basically a "drawn speech". It is a speech with images. It's like drawing what you want to say.
@sunbeam9222
@sunbeam9222 Жыл бұрын
@@sushisam3010 exactly.
@sunbeam9222
@sunbeam9222 Жыл бұрын
@@sushisam3010 I understand feelings when they're explicitly stated only ;) if someone shows discomfort but won't say why, often times I cannot guess. And because I don't like to interpret and I don't like to push someone to express if they're not ready because I don't like it being done to me, I will let it go and there you end up with " the DA doesn't care". I do care about my partner I just cannot read feelings very well. Hope it makes sense.
@andymcroon
@andymcroon Ай бұрын
Hi Briana. Is it possible to reupload the checklist? It seems like the link doesn't work anymore.
@Belbibitt7
@Belbibitt7 3 жыл бұрын
Where is the PDF?
@baileydevine5275
@baileydevine5275 2 жыл бұрын
I've attempted to use a different device like other comments suggest but get an error message for the PDF link. Can anyone assist?
@rebygrace9120
@rebygrace9120 3 жыл бұрын
Why is that checklist you are using for assessing attachment style (I mean the questions)is highly focused at romantic relationships, when it's supposed to touch wide range of our day to day life and other relations as well like friendships, familyhood and related to our self???
@brianamacwilliam.attachment
@brianamacwilliam.attachment 3 жыл бұрын
Thank you for watching and for commenting with your inquiry. I work with this topic Specifically in relationship to romantic partners. The assessment is my personal creation for individuals that want to address it on this level. I hope that makes sense.
@basia144
@basia144 4 жыл бұрын
Thank you! The link to the checklist doesn't work anymore :(
@brianamacwilliam.attachment
@brianamacwilliam.attachment 4 жыл бұрын
Barbara N Hi there, I just checked the link and it is working. You may want to refresh your page or try accessing it from a different device. Thank you for your inquiry.
@basia144
@basia144 4 жыл бұрын
@@brianamacwilliam.attachment thank you! it works now! didn't work twice before - must have been a technical glitch!
@brandylittle1199
@brandylittle1199 2 жыл бұрын
Tried to download the checklist several times and it says page not found?
@chrismcevoy2503
@chrismcevoy2503 Жыл бұрын
I’m a Rolling Stone Briana I would be Dismissive-Avoidant.
@Belbibitt7
@Belbibitt7 3 жыл бұрын
Where is thé assessment?
@Smrithee08
@Smrithee08 2 ай бұрын
Thank you. The "list" link is not working.
@SK-no2pp
@SK-no2pp 4 жыл бұрын
So it’s better to speak to Rolling Stones in metaphors? My DA or I think FA sent me 2 songs (they were sad) and said to take them literally.
@brianamacwilliam.attachment
@brianamacwilliam.attachment 4 жыл бұрын
S K Thank you for sharing.It sounds like this is a good illustration of what I was trying to describe.
@TheBrneydgurl
@TheBrneydgurl 3 жыл бұрын
Can you share what songs they were?
@Ionizem
@Ionizem 3 жыл бұрын
The checklist function is broken.
@Toody49
@Toody49 Жыл бұрын
As of February 10, 2023, the link does not work. Please republish if you can.
@Antonius77
@Antonius77 2 жыл бұрын
The file AvoidancePDF is not available :(
@vanessacolon6798
@vanessacolon6798 Жыл бұрын
Hello. Question. I'm a spice of life person who fell head first with a dismissive avoidant. He love bombed me, played "Dr. Phil" said he was "all in". He is 54 and I'm 38. He was separated soon to be divorced. When we hit a bump, he took off. He still talks to me if I'm the one who reaches out. He's still polite. After we broke up, he gave it 2 months before getting involved with someone. My question...is he truly dismissive or just a old dirty man whose in player mode? How can you tell?
@racheld.garrisonllc9124
@racheld.garrisonllc9124 2 жыл бұрын
Checklist unavailable
@montedacarochinha
@montedacarochinha 3 жыл бұрын
Hi. In here for first time. But really needing some help... Since I know my self struggle with be in relationship, because I "cannot feeling anything". Really fighting my fear for many decades, but still even now Im in a relationship for over a year, still feel I cannot follow in love. And this thought is obcessive, and don't really alow the fellings to develop. Living in a state of anxiety for over a year, and I start to have physical simptoms... Please anyone can help...
@sagradoish
@sagradoish 3 жыл бұрын
I know it might seem more comfortable to ask for help here as you don't have to have anybody face to face, as it might be another one of the fears... you don't know me so can't ask you to trust me, though I wish you did for now. You need to find a really good psychologist and simply talk to them for a while. There is a tabu around getting psychological help, as if one was crazy or sick in the head. It is not how it works. People go to the doctor all the time for minor or significant symptoms, for treating diseases or to simply having a blood test done, a cold checked. Same scenario with mental health. We all need help with our mental health. You might have trouble with not feeling anything when you want to fall in love, someone else might have trouble in a relationship because they are narcissists, myself I have trouble in relationships because I overly depend on them emotionally and give love and attentions disproportionally. We all have issues to solve. Since I started therapy and so my family (uncles mum and cousins), the world has changed ever since for us. Being an anxious attachment style, I have problems with my relationships too. One can either love, or unintentionally destroy those who love us.
@evka24
@evka24 3 жыл бұрын
have u ever fell in love before...can u love somone or something? if yes...maybe u r not in love with ur girlfriend....if all is no......answer....then u may need therapy to discover what trauma caused u this behaviour and work through it...to release it.....
@Belbibitt7
@Belbibitt7 3 жыл бұрын
I cannot see the video I’m supposed to see at the end of this video
@evka24
@evka24 3 жыл бұрын
look under the video
@Belbibitt7
@Belbibitt7 3 жыл бұрын
I don’t see the test here
@capricorn8494
@capricorn8494 2 жыл бұрын
Hi Briana The checklist does not work :(
@daylightful
@daylightful 9 ай бұрын
The checklist is unavailable
@murakas2
@murakas2 8 ай бұрын
Briana, the link to the PDF doesn't work.
@LevonZimm
@LevonZimm 6 ай бұрын
Your checklist is no longer available
@TheInnerMindEye
@TheInnerMindEye 5 ай бұрын
Using the descriptors rolling stone and spice of lifer is confusing to someone new to theory. Please use the accurate terms so it is more comprehensible.
@DestinyA83
@DestinyA83 5 ай бұрын
Idk why im so confused by all of this. I've been researching AVPD for a month but i can't follow what you're saying lol
@ijustneedmyself
@ijustneedmyself 21 күн бұрын
I haven't watched the full video yet, but based on the title she's not discussing avoidant personality disorder. She's talking about attachment styles which are different than personality disorders.
@Kate-tz4vs
@Kate-tz4vs 3 жыл бұрын
The link is unavailable I click and it doesn't do anything (Windows10)
@brianamacwilliam.attachment
@brianamacwilliam.attachment 3 жыл бұрын
Thank you for commenting Jane A.. You can take the quiz here: bit.ly/4LuvStylesYT
@secretsecret179
@secretsecret179 6 ай бұрын
What's the point of doing this shit? They will never change. Right?
@andierossi8694
@andierossi8694 10 ай бұрын
The link to the checklist does not work
@brianamacwilliam.attachment
@brianamacwilliam.attachment 10 ай бұрын
Yes, that offer has been disabled, since it was posted four years ago. But I recommend checking out my playlist on avoidant attachment to learn more.
@tamelashafer8852
@tamelashafer8852 2 жыл бұрын
💜♾🙏🏼🕉
@sshuteandrew
@sshuteandrew 4 жыл бұрын
The links don’t work for attachment test or avoidant traits.
@brianamacwilliam.attachment
@brianamacwilliam.attachment 4 жыл бұрын
Summer Hey there, thank you for watching and for commenting. I just tried the links and they are working. You may want to try using them on a different device.
@meo1960
@meo1960 4 жыл бұрын
Starts at 3:50
@tmaloneyhouston
@tmaloneyhouston 2 жыл бұрын
The pdf attachment is not working. It goes to a "404 page not found" message.
@Larissa-of3qt
@Larissa-of3qt 4 жыл бұрын
You are talking about people with serious psychological or emotional dis-order! We are not here to counsel or give theraphy to men. When you have attraction to someone you would want to spend time, get to know and want to be close to that person. It's a natural and normal human instincts, needs and behaviour . YOU WOULD WANT TO SEE THAT PERSON, WANT TO HAVE RELATIONSHIP. If he has fears then he shouldn't be in any kind of relationship until he gets professional help and resolves his issues. Oh, one more crucial points; when someone loves you there can't be ''FEAR'' because love is one of the strongest force on earth ..strong enough to disolve fear. If he says he has fear, don't buy it, he doesn't love you enough, he is not into you ! Simple. Don't make it complicate it. These things are very straighforward , easy to understand. life is way too short to get involve with people who have ''yeah but, no but, etc'' mind set, people who can't continue what they started off...!
@mjmoody3796
@mjmoody3796 3 жыл бұрын
Yes.... This is what I was looking for. Thank you. I thought I was the only one who felt this way. People need to do their OWN inner work before trying to be in relationships and these co-dependants need to heal themselves as well instead of trying to save these advoidants
@Rj88xx
@Rj88xx 3 жыл бұрын
?
@sansadrake4133
@sansadrake4133 3 жыл бұрын
Its not just for men. Its for women too.
@TheOne-lo4lz
@TheOne-lo4lz 3 жыл бұрын
This is so ignorant...
@Larissa-of3qt
@Larissa-of3qt 3 жыл бұрын
@@TheOne-lo4lz How does it feel to judge people for you? Just a humbl suggestion for you; when you disagree with someone, you could perhaps saying ''i kindly disagree with you'' and state your own view point. Attacking someone's point of view will not get you much further in life We have a right to positively and politely cristise people if it's constructive but no one has right to judge another human being ''I think''. / I assume you are young..its obvious..maybe in the future you will understand what i am trying to say..It's too early for you to make sense for the time being..Kind Regards..Much love dear reader.
@r_and_a
@r_and_a 6 ай бұрын
wtaf?! essentially labeling FAs as exploitative psychopaths without remorse is one of the most ridiculous & offensive takes i've encountered! know i'd like a couple videos from this channel previously so glad to see now what's really thought of an attachment style typically born from trauma so won't invest anymore watch time here
@garytravers117
@garytravers117 4 жыл бұрын
What if the person has every trait of an extreme DA but admits she is insecure? Is she still a DA because I thought DAs did not get insecure? She could tick off all boxes of a DA but very distrusting as she was cheated on a lot.
@brianamacwilliam.attachment
@brianamacwilliam.attachment 4 жыл бұрын
gary travers This person sounds more fearful avoidant, leaning towards the avoidant end of the spectrum. This video might help. It explains the dimensionality of attachment. Secure Attachment vs. Avoidant Attachment, How to Tell The Difference? kzfaq.info/get/bejne/l9V2i6ee187VlI0.html
@garytravers117
@garytravers117 4 жыл бұрын
@@brianamacwilliam.attachment Thank you. I will watch it today. Amazing Work
@kitchencountertalk9115
@kitchencountertalk9115 2 жыл бұрын
This video sounds like an infomercial...and I'm Not buying what your selling.
@Larissa-of3qt
@Larissa-of3qt 4 жыл бұрын
When someone truly loves you and attracted to you, they won't have FEAR of anything! These DSM books/theories etc..don't work in real life situation.(They too mechanical, too robotic) I have phd in psychology , clinical psychology and i have also diploma, MA in psychotherapy , specialised in relationships.
@TheOne-lo4lz
@TheOne-lo4lz 3 жыл бұрын
You’ll want to get a refund on those degrees because it’s definitely possible to be terrified of someone you’re deeply in love with. Do some reading around BPD
@Larissa-of3qt
@Larissa-of3qt 3 жыл бұрын
@@TheOne-lo4lz remove the fear if you want love to enter.. real love is pure so fear can't exist..if it does then there might be other underlying issues needs to be looked at/analysed..to see whats causing the fear that blocks the real love..Ps; Thank you for sharing your opinion..everyone has and only true to them, you owe them, not me so i respect. I just agree to disagree though respectfully.
@TheOne-lo4lz
@TheOne-lo4lz 3 жыл бұрын
@@Larissa-of3qt yeah... it’s not as simple as ‘removing the fear’. some people who have experienced trauma have been biologically conditioned to have flight or fight responses in relationships that trigger past traumatic memories. you can love someone incredibly deeply but then be reminded of a past event where you loved someone deeply and they hurt you
@addwasabitomycoffee
@addwasabitomycoffee 3 жыл бұрын
@@Larissa-of3qt you're simplifying the complicated emotions people feel way too much. This ain't it
@Larissa-of3qt
@Larissa-of3qt 3 жыл бұрын
@@addwasabitomycoffee Yes, thats exactly what i said in my post if you read it, but incase if you didn't , let me copy and paste my exact words; ''.if it does then there might be other underlying issues needs to be looked at/analysed..to see whats causing the fear that blocks the real love..''
@Invisibility397
@Invisibility397 Ай бұрын
What Indifferent isnt a type of Emotional Avoidance? Or maybe its a Woman that doesn't have all 271 emotions in Emotional Identification.
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