It's okay if he's in a rebound relationship, it's not gonna last anyway. He'll sabotage it again later on.

I take comfort in the fact that they will treat the rebound like shit aswell as soon as the rebound asserts any kind of boundary, shares any kind of criticism or dares to bring up anything remotely negative that could threaten their ego. The only person that could stay with them would be a doormat or someone with no voice.

Sorry for the negative vibe but, the more i learn about DA, the more I feel a relationship with a DA is not worth it. Better use all this energy for your own happiness and becoming a better version of yourself. The right persons will come to you. But I guess it depends about the depth and significance of the relationship you have with a DA. Thank you for your excellent content!

Nah my DA ex is going to search for me in every relationship she has throughout her life. Of that I'm absolutely certain. Once i started asking if people were even worth me and the effort, vulnerability, and communication i bring to the relationship. My dating pool has been non existent. I honestly realised most people go for the easy dick/easy loud majority instead of working on themselves to be with a high quality person. Rn im in bliss being by myself. And honestly guys, once you learn to start giving yourselves the same things you begged your partners to give you, you stop needing people for anything. Also thanks to Coach Kurt for allowing me on this path.

When my ex broke up with me she never made me feel like I was in the wrong. She blamed herself and told me I didn’t do anything wrong. She told me she was anxious about our future together and that’s why we broke up. But then she immediately got into another relationship. None of it makes sense

My ex blindsided me with a breakup over text saying she couldn't meet my needs, that she just wanted to be alone, wasn't about wanting or needing anyone else and that I did nothing wrong. We had a GREAT 7 month relationship with her coming onto me initially. Great connection, great intimacy, etc. Called me a good lover, good partner, amazing/kind person, etc. Caught her uploading a nude a week before the breakup and then She was on Tinder HOURS after the breakup looking for hookups. My friend sent me a screenshot of her updating it a few weeks before the breakup as well. Shattered me into PTSD episode from past trauma and still picking up the pieces a month or so later. None of her actions lined up with her words and :( Still trying to understand because what we had was perfect

So basically what I’m getting from watching all these videos on DAs…. They are eventually going to leave you anyway whenever they get ready to so why waste your time. Smfh

These people don’t love others for who they are but for what they do for them. They are users.

Please, for the peace and sanity of secure attachment types such as myself, get this theory stuff into to mainstream media. There are way too many people getting crushed and becoming emotionally shattered by the blind sidedness of these insecure attachment types of people. Don't get me wrong. My heart aches for them. Its just that this topic needs to be shouted from the rooftop. Perhaps people would begin to recognize these traits within themselves and get help.

Ty. Yes, the more I do, the more I feel his hatred toward me. No harsh words between us, ever...so confusing and sad. This was very good.

I'm glad to be at a place where I don't search for these videos anymore, and even healed enough to be the one to walk away. Your videos be on point though, brotha. Every last thing you said... It actually made me lol Thank you for doing this good work.

My ex is DA and would never tell me anything that was wrong, I even asked for specifics on how I could improve for him and he just said I was creeping him out talking like that but he wasn’t happy so I wasn’t able to give him what he wanted because he didn’t express it

2 weeks after break up he started with the rebound with his friend .. a friend that I was jealous off .. it's now a year after our break up and they are still together. I read the comments below I felt the same as anyone of you .. I literally felt insane.. I changed so much I'm not the same person anymore.. I feel the void he used to talk about.. As someone with anxious attachment style I could never understand the void or emptiness he used to talk about but now I do ... no matter how insatiable our feelings were they ended. This is our reality now and there's only one way out, acceptance.. no matter how impossible it seems but all of us have to accept the fact that we gave it all to someone who left and we are left to pick the pieces of ourselves and rebuild what they destroyed.. It's been a year now and still it feels awkward to breath without him around I feel weird in my own skin .. i feel I lost the ability to love, the passion to work or love or live, I went to therapy I watched KZfaq, read books, tried new friends new goals, new house, it seems so hard to stop thinking about him, I tried to date but couldn't be there for that person, couldn't trust him , it didn't last long... I feel I'm so stuck and cursed and I feel that he enjoyes his life that he suck out of me . I feel that he is treating her better just to prove to himself that I'm the bad part of the relationship He was stubborn and his ego was something !!! I feel like shit

Once again, I have to say how totally 1000 percent accurate you are with your words and advice. This video is so spot on. So happy I know you and continued success with everything you do.

Wow. #2 hit home. I don’t think he got into a relationship but definitely trying to find a substitute connection with sex specifically.

Literally saving my life. Thank you Brother.

OMG. This is so true!

My DA two year relationship. Blindsided out of the blue after 1 year. I made the mistake of saying I love you. He broke up. Got back together and stayed for a year again. No I love yous. Then we started dating and spending time. And then I get a text that he’s been spending time with a new gf.

So I think this is what happened with my ex -like all 3 examples you gave combined! We had the best relationship he ever had as far as emotional connection. 16 best friends before taking it to the next level. It was all really there. We ended up long distance and I broke up with him after being frustrated with the limitations of the relationship we had due to distance. I immediately regretted it but he wouldn’t speak to me. I am AP and have since done a lot of work on myself and wish I could have handled it all differently. Nonetheless after 2 months being apart I flew to see him and we reunited. He told me he felt he prioritized me over his father who he refers to as his hero. Then when I dumped him he of course regretted and then became resentful that he allowed that with me. He said he wanted to try again with me but never really tried. I just found out it was this same timeframe after our breakup that he started a rebound relationship. He has been lying to me for a year now about it all! Telling me he is just too stressed for a relationship right now because his elderly father and uncle need him as he is their primary caregiver. He said he wanted me to wait for him to have less stress. He didn’t want to be with anyone else or sleep with anyone else. I was the best sex he had in his entire life blah blah blah. I believed him because we were always honest and open with eachother. Ultimately 18 years of my life we have been this way or so I thought. Before I flew there last year I asked him repeatedly if he found someone else or slept with anyone else since being with me and he assured me over and over he didn’t and had no desire. You can imagine my surprise and hurt when I see a woman’s Facebook profile picture with him and the caption “love” from May of 2021!!!! I confronted him about it and asked if she was the reason we were just friends. He said yes that was the reason. Needless to say we aren’t friends I blocked him and have no intentions of speaking to him again. I believe she is an ego boost for him. She is also local and easily accessible. Other than that she doesn’t meet any of the traits he is typically drawn to. Part of me is surprised it has gone on this long but part of me isn’t. If she is just a convenient way for him to satisfy his sexual needs and she isn’t requiring anything of him emotionally that is what is most comfortable for him so he wouldn’t leave. I have a notification system on my work email account when someone has read any email I sent them and within 24hours of me cutting him off he was looking at all our old emails. I know it’s hit him hard but he was not the guy I thought he was. I trusted him not to lie to me and use me.

Mine recent ex of 8yrs had a mixture of all 3 for sure. Now in a rebound engagement after 2 weeks with the guy she knew a bit from 5yts ago - safe, desperate, low expectation guy, fucked up, but takes care of her and makes her feel special and understood- ideal…

Everything coach Court said here made me decide not to reach out and stay in NC. A DA ends a relationship in the most bizarre way possible, not even recognizing its faults and patterns, throws everything at you, is unfair and discards you like trash. They want validation and security, but never give it to you. They are the ones who have to show maturity. Completely toxic dynamics (that's why the relationship doesn't flow, because it "breaks" all the time). And if you say that to them, they still get offended! There is no justification for these treatments. Anyone is responsible for their actions, regardless of family history. At the same time, they say they adore you. Actions never walk with words. Chaos! They are the ones who should clean up the mess they make. And if they don't reach out, no problem, they lose another great human experience with such immaturity. There are extremely cowardly behaviors. [When they don't feel inadequate?! All these issues are internal and emotional. Actions in which they punish themselves, they reject themselves, they sabotage themselves, etc. AND a rebound is like a drug. You can see, these same people never leave dating apps.]

This has been so very helpful. Mine is still coming around 2 years later.

Oh yeah... I think this is exactly what has happened to me in my 8yr relationship... my ex gf (looking back and a from the bits she told me about now that it's over) had a bunch of things that bothered her, that she never really told me about or if she did it wasn't clear how important it was and the dishwasher thing was def one of them (she has OCD too so she just wouldn't let me do it anyway). I realised now, that I know more about attachment theory, that her resentment has been building up for some time and it explained why she didn't want me to get her any of the furniture that would make her life better, as she was already one foot out of door in her mind. She has been checking out the last 2 years, though she still kept telling me she loved me, often begged me not to leave her (she had this "go away, don't leave me" attitude in general) and so I guess it makes more sense for her to rebound as a week after the break up she mentioned that "she doesn't want to be alone for the rest of her life" and then week alter she vanished. 3 weeks later she came back engaged and to get her things as she decided to move in with her new fiance to another country since he "gets her" and seems like he can read her mind, which I've apparently been unable to in all those years - though the fact that one time it was this the next time it was the opposite of what she wanted previously made it a bit hard. But glad she found somebody who can read minds, no need to learn how to communicate using words.... oh well...

I love you so much because you have answered alllll my questions I had about my crazy ex!!!

Always good information.

I feel like some of these describe my ex but she doesn't usually post on social media... so i wouldn't know if she is in a rebound but i reached out today (broke no contact) and she said she thought about me yesterday but didn't want to reach out.

Caught the rebound staying the night with him 🥺

I’m trying to figure out if this is the kind of person I was dealing with. He was great up until 90 days then discarded me and already had someone else. When I confronted him he was cold and told me he wasn’t happy and didn’t have feelings. He never Said a word Of that. Told me he needed To work on himself! Mind. Blowing. Told me to Move on it’s over. Very cold. Had someone literally within like a week or less! I did feel an intense connection it sent me into a depression

Amir Levine and Rachel Heller ;)

I’m sorry but loading the dishwasher incorrectly is enough to be over someone? How ridiculous. No wonder they are all alone. A step away from narcissists and just as toxic. Don’t give these people the time of day. They deserve to be alone with how toxic they are. They think they are above people and have the capacity to love of a rock. You deserve better.

This is really sad and hurtful

Repetition compulsion is the name for healing a past relationship within the current one.

He blocked me after telling me that he loves me too and since then we didn't see each other and he told me to leave him alone and to go on with my life...wtf?! Is that what they really want? I won't contact him until he reaches out to me... well, if he reaches out to me... :)))

I believe Im an anxious attachment and he's a dismissive avoidant . He broke it off and got in a rebound right away . 6 weeks into the break up , hes still not official with who hes seeing. He never talked about his feelings. No contact. Is he coming back ? We were together 5 years.

5 years engage 2 months after the break up he is courting again and he wílll introduce her on our reunion

Hey coach court, so about two weeks ago ex and I opened up to each other and she was going through a tough time mentally and I was there and we also spoke about getting back together, even made out a few times but now she’s pulled away again.. I’m confused. We spent the whole week together

So it’s been 2 months since I broke up my DA ex. I didn’t feel appreciated and he never told me he loved me after a year of dating. As an anxious attached person, it’s very hard to let go of someone I was attached to and loved but I had to. He’s already in a new relationship after 2 months. He posted her and not me. Idk if he’s trying to make me jealous with that but it hurts forsure

I was in a relationship with her for 6 months and 2 weeks. It became draining at the end because of her actions but I still never thought of leaving. Our whole situation was complicated. She left me, saying I deserved better and she cant be better. She told me i'd be her LAST girl and she won't be in another relationship with the same gender as her. She told me to not settle for someone like her who can't even introduce me to her family and to find someone better. But, days after the breakup or even right exactly after the breakup she was already talking to one of her friend. 2 weeks after, they got together and she was in a relationship with another girl. A month and 2 weeks later, they're still together. I hope they won't last. I also am not sure if it's a rebound or not :(

Can 2 DA's get together and if so, what happens?

Me and my avoidant ex broke up in July of 2020 and it’s almost 2023. I cried like a baby but I let her go because I knew she was avoidant I just didn’t know that it was a real attachment style. Our relationship was almost perfect but I chose to leave because of her avoidance and she resented and blamed me for everything. It hurt like hell being made into a bad guy but I’ve dated and have made a lot of meaningful connections since then so much so that I’m healing and bored. Then i had a dream that she wanted to make things right and after expressing she wanted to make things right she went quiet in the dream but it was almost like we were around each other like before. That morning I was curious to see if I was still blocked and that day I seen that I was no longer blocked. I am ashamed to admit i do see if she is still being avoidant by checking if im blocked but long story short we are now friends on fb she has moved on with a new man but she doesn’t look happy and I have a feeling that she is waiting for him to mess up so that she can rebound with me. I loved her and I would love to make things right but ultimately I don’t like how she has seemingly shown more interest in reconciling now while in a relationship than at the beginning of our break up.

Hi,I have a question. My DA ex works with me and he talks to me like nothing bad happened and he keeps talking to me about the memories of our relationship but when I tried to talk about the reasons why we broke up he left the room. Why?

Can you do one for anxious attachers?

Wow

She definitely had some resentment towards me not sure why…