3 secrets of resilient people

3 secrets of resilient people | Lucy Hone

Рет қаралды 475,789

4 жыл бұрын

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Everyone experiences loss, but how do you cope with the tough moments that follow? Resilience researcher Lucy Hone shares three hard-won strategies for developing the capacity to brave adversity, overcome struggle and face whatever may come head-on with fortitude and grace.
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Пікірлер: 475

@goodluck1070 4 жыл бұрын

TED Lucy Hone: 1. suffering is a part of life. 2. focus on things that you can change. tune into what's good in your world. 3. is what I'm doing helping or harming me?

@invinate 4 жыл бұрын

thanks

@Airmarshal50cent 4 жыл бұрын

Thanks! And thanks for fixing the name.

@paraelwares 4 жыл бұрын

Merci. :-D

@sanjaydoshi7968 4 жыл бұрын

.......learn detachment

@goodluck1070 4 жыл бұрын

@@Airmarshal50cent thanks! fixed.

@jincbuckley 4 жыл бұрын

Thank you. My mom just died on Monday and this speech is helping me during the worst time of my life. Thank you. 😢

@jkorff7694 4 жыл бұрын

🙏

@Anthony_Cybertruck 4 жыл бұрын

Stay strong Jackie!

@wisdomite1971 4 жыл бұрын

It gets better.

@baronesselsavonfreytag-lor1134 4 жыл бұрын

Jackie Buckley, sorry for your loss. I wish I had heard this after my mom passed, I grieved too hard until one day I decided to reclaim my life and did exactly these steps to heal. For me it was the story of Job losing everything but remaining grateful that gave me strength. I couldn't afford therapy and turned to prayer, with the same effect. Same principles at work.

@cosmicsurfers6847 3 жыл бұрын

Keep your spirit Jackie!

@Sarah-bf9ll 4 жыл бұрын

Wow. The fact that she is standing there doing that talk is proof enough that it's possible. What an incredible response to an unimaginable sadness. I take my hat off to you Lucy Hone.

@lucasandre4816 4 жыл бұрын

What happened to her ?

@60secondpages 4 жыл бұрын

@Dupa Essex How misguided you are, what would be a better option, suicide, a life of wallowing in grief? Do you think this lady's daughter would want her mother to be unhappy for a single second?

@eveapple4928 4 жыл бұрын

Amazing talk, I could see that Lucy struggled to control her emotions all the way through but she very bravely got through it so she could deliver this essential advice. She is 100% right - we will all experience grief and suffering in our lives and when those times come, we can choose to live or to cling to misery. We have so much to live for ❤️

@mayumi5559 4 жыл бұрын

That was a wonderful talk from start to finish: engaging, moving and inspiring. Thank you Lucy Hone.

@jenhasken 4 жыл бұрын

So good. So valuable. 🙏🏻

@ChineseRuralPairLife 4 жыл бұрын

Mayu Mi THat was an amazing talk from start to finish:interesting,moving,inspiring.

@dawngambino 4 жыл бұрын

I'm so grateful I watched this...I was starting to think I was cold-blooded, because I recently unexpectedly lost my Dad (who I was very close to)...I focused on the fact that he died quickly without suffering, and was a great Dad, and I was lucky to have him for the time I did. I did not get hysterical crying (like others around me), and was beginning to think there was something wrong with me...but now after hearing this Ted Talk, it makes much more sense.

@helendelatorre5919 4 жыл бұрын

I've survived incest, rape, domestic violence, homelessness, the 2007 recession, my oldest child's drug addiction. Now surviving the pandemic thus far. I did therapy and psych meds. That didn't heal my broken heart. The things that have kept me whole, strong and resilient is meditation, music and positive thinking! 🥰

@idonthaveagoddamnname2623 4 жыл бұрын

Damn. I wish you good luck for the future Edit: if this is true, (cause for one person to go through all of that is unbelievable) if anyone ever tells you you are weak, they're wrong

@helendelatorre5919 4 жыл бұрын

@@idonthaveagoddamnname2623 it is true and have never been called weak and those that tried to convince me I was did not succeed breaking me down. I am extremely resilient and truly happy in my own skin these days. I am compassionate and stay sending out love because that is how you defeat fear and anger and hate. Thank you so much for your comment! ❤

@helendelatorre5919 4 жыл бұрын

@@idonthaveagoddamnname2623 oh and please stay healthy and safe! 🙂

@idonthaveagoddamnname2623 4 жыл бұрын

@@helendelatorre5919 thank you

@claudiap.6838 4 жыл бұрын

You are a beautiful woman!

@BarcaStudio 4 жыл бұрын

Damn the more I watch TED the more I realize that gratefulness, even when you get struck by events outside your control, can help you move forward and find balance again. WAUW inspiring those resilient people, MADE MY DAY! 🙌

@baronesselsavonfreytag-lor1134 4 жыл бұрын

So, so true. Gratitude is powerful.

@abhishekkher6022 4 жыл бұрын

1. Accept that suffering is a part of life it is there in every person's lives who is, had and going to be on this planet it doesn't discriminate between anyone. 2. Build a habit of realistically appresing a situation and focus your attention on the things you can change and not on the things you cant. # Practice:- Remind yourself at each night while sleeping three good things that happened to you. 3. Ask yourself often a question, the way I am thinking the way I am acting is harming me or helping me? This puts you on the driver seat and helps for good desigion making. -Three strategies preety simple and readily available

@dangductuan301 Жыл бұрын

Thank you

@sophieblooming8555 4 жыл бұрын

“It’s possible to live and grieve at the same time.” Powerful message

@WilliamHunterII 4 жыл бұрын

At the ripe old age of ten my wife lost, in rapid succession, her father and then her mother. She fell into a deep sadness. Then one day my wife's maternal grandmother sat her down and explained that happiness is a choice. You can choose to be happy. Fifty five years later my wife still grieves her losses, and she is still the happiest person I've ever known.

@youtou252 4 жыл бұрын

wow thanks I'm cured

@longlong27845 4 жыл бұрын

@@youtou252 it's not meant to cure you.

@vgiltd1 4 жыл бұрын

Longyi chu p

@manfredschmalbach9023 4 жыл бұрын

The deeper the depth is You can reach without loosing Yourself to desperation and self-destruction, the brighter the highs will get You experience on the other end of the spectrum. Bouncing only closely around the zero-line of life might be in fashion today, but it doesn't make people resilient, neither makes it happy.

@jayyadav170 4 жыл бұрын

I can see the pain in her face remembering all those sad moments...(If she asks her self will this perfomance harm me or help me? It's harm but.... She took harm to help us all appreciate people).

@adriannadeleon-realestatet645 4 жыл бұрын

This was great, although I feel that I have the mind set of the (3) strategies she talks about, I didn't know that I had them until AFTER I heard her say them... It was like a light bulb when on & I was like, "hey, that is me" I think like this. I act like this. She was confirming what I was already doing without me knowing it at the time... which later gave me much peace in where I was or where I am currently in with my grief process. 3 years ago, I lost my 4 yr old niece & her father (my brother-in-law). That day forever changed me. It's a process...

@annagoodwin364 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you. I lost my daughter. Perhaps I can’t follow you completely, but you are the best. AnnaG.

@MaliciousWolf 4 жыл бұрын

I'm at one of the lowest points of my over 10 year struggle with severe depression, I'm hoping to get through this and if ANY of you are are in a similar situation. I hear it gets better, hang in there friends, family and folks. One day I'll get through this and aim for my dream of creativity on the internet with both hands, till then, aim for yours and be kind to one another. Much love.

@andreamikkelsen3187 4 жыл бұрын

Malicious Wolf. I have been through severe depression myself when I struggled at a teaching job (my 4th position in under 2 years) I eventually quit that profession all together. I felt like a failure and didn't want to leave the house or even answer the phone for months in fear that a former student or coworker would recognize me and make me feel ashamed and like I failed them (I now know that's ridiculous). I finally HAD to learn that it is far more important to take care of myself first before I could care for anyone else. After months of therapy, taking medication (I still take now), pushing myself to follow routines, journaling A LOT, talking to friends and family and listening to TED Talks like this, I finally got the courage to look for a new job that would be fulfilling but not take over my entire life. I am not sure if you are a perfectionist and feel shame and guilt easily like myself, but once you can be more open about your mental health even with a few close people in your life or anonymously in a support group (I went to NAMI ) it makes a world of a difference to be open and not suffer in private. It also helps others understand they are not alone Thank you for sharing what you are going through! It helped me to read and I'm sure helps everyone else who related to it. By watching inspiring talks and being open with others you are already starting the healing process. You will without a doubt achieve your dream of using your creativity online : ) YOU GOT THIS ! : )

@_Everyone__ 4 жыл бұрын

@@andreamikkelsen3187- very kind of you to share, and spread optimism.

@chinoex 4 жыл бұрын

I think of it like accepting that you are a child. a baby even. you're going through this period of constant crying, wailing, and pouting. You gotta learn to take the first step. It won't be easy, but once you get started, the next step will be easier. My parents told me when I learned to walk, I would run and fall a lot. I would cry a bit when I fell, but shortly after I got back up and ran some more, but that didn't mean I stopped falling. You're not alone, and it gets better. When you get a thought or come to the fork to take the easier, lazier path, remember what it took for you to get yourself to where you are and choose the path that aligns with your morals. Patience, positivity and perseverance. Better times are ahead, it may be far, but they're ahead. Hang in there. I didn't think it'd ever get better, until I chose to get on my feet, use my hands, and open my heart.

@globalforce 4 жыл бұрын

Hang in there, friend. Stay safe, stay strong.

@planetmchanic6299 4 жыл бұрын

You don't have to look for love when it's where your coming from.

@y.d1272 4 жыл бұрын

Hope is the most beautiful thing we get to use in life.

@johnfodo4129 4 жыл бұрын

The one thing no one can take from you "HOPE"

@y.d1272 4 жыл бұрын

@@johnfodo4129 Fact💯

@adamalpha7881 4 жыл бұрын

"Don't loose what you have to what you have lost !! " Great speech thank u so much

@abdulazizahmed4821 4 жыл бұрын

What a great speech. I hope all the best to this woman . Thank you ❤🌹👍

@BigBeakson 4 жыл бұрын

This was a real eye opener I’ve found this to be very helpful. I hope that poor woman finds peace, I can’t imagine having to go through that.

@TM-ht9qp 4 жыл бұрын

Yes it's was

@traceybyrne1690 3 жыл бұрын

She is testimony to the level of peace she has found

@meandendo 4 жыл бұрын

I needed this so much thank you

@bendiscovers 2 ай бұрын

"Don't lose what you have for what you lost" Thank you for this gift, this thinking is precious

@juliuskwak1263 4 жыл бұрын

I've viewed many Ted Talks on KZfaq and somehow this one seems nostalgic. As if I had seen it before today.

@maranga6279 4 жыл бұрын

same feeling here. It's weird.

@cesar6basket 4 жыл бұрын

Link of the original video from Tedx Talks channel: kzfaq.info/get/bejne/hL14a7Fep9zMcas.html

@Dan-oj4iq 4 жыл бұрын

@@cesar6basket Thank you. We have seen it before.

@taylordani11 3 жыл бұрын

I've been married to my best friend for 30 years, the past 10 have been the roughest ever. Between their mental illness, my mental illness, and a recent cancer diagnosis, all I can do is put my head down and go forward. I'm ready for a break. I'm so tired of struggling so hard. I'd welcome a mild struggle.

@reesie_016 4 жыл бұрын

Don't lose what you have to what you have lost... 💞

@shilopitt 4 жыл бұрын

Anyone alive in 2020 please stand up.

@MarilynBarbarich 4 ай бұрын

The strategies you share have helped me get through a lot of suffering in life! I accept that with physical life on Earth, one cannot avoid suffering. The more grateful I am, the more joy I experience. By aligning my thoughts, feelings and emotions with Love, I provide a healthy environment for the 40 trillion cells that make my body (epigenetics). Thank you Lucy Hone! I read about you today in an FDANZ bulletin. 🙏🏼💗

@gavinkerslake 4 жыл бұрын

is this helping me or harming me? is the one that does it for me. brilliant.

@m...1045 4 жыл бұрын

Lucy, God bless you and your family. Thank you for sharing this video. Thank you.. thank you.

@ilovetrentinoslowlifeitaly 4 жыл бұрын

Thank you so much for talking deeply of resilience and sharing your research. You are an amazing resilient woman. Lovely watching and listening to you here on the top of mountain of Italy. Thanks to technology, KZfaq and Ted.

@CO-ks5le Жыл бұрын

It's beautiful to see the marriage of Buddhist philosophy and neuroscience, thank you kindly and from the heart dear Dr Hone, that was wonderful to watch and will be so helpful to many people. 🙏❤️

@qwecatnip 4 жыл бұрын

Didn't know this wasn't uploaded in KZfaq yet. I listened to this talk as a podcast weeks ago. It was brilliant. One of my favorite TED talks, definitely. And I had to listen several times because it was that good.

@maximahoro8970 4 жыл бұрын

Remarkable episode. Very rewarding, in terms of perspective. Thank you. God Bless you. Full power to you.

@adamrjhughes 4 жыл бұрын

I know this is a repeat- but this really is one of the best talks ever given. so much to learn from it.

@spiralpython1989 4 жыл бұрын

Fascinating (and heart breaking) listening to Lucy’s story. I consider myself to be a resilient woman, and was interested in what key ideas were about to be revealed. I agree with Lucy’s view of what makes a resilient individual; and being able to keep those ideas front of mind is a real “super power”. Thank you for such a personal story with universal application.

@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty Жыл бұрын

Yes, yes, yes! You don’t have to be victim to your grief and you can be an active participant. There is always hope for the heartbroken.

@MamaLoves22 4 жыл бұрын

This is a very helpful talk. Basically, resilience is a choice. It is our choice to move on or not. So, let's choose to help ourselves, to love ourselves and become the strong person we were created to be.

@irvgeezy 4 жыл бұрын

Impactful...which at the very least is what any of these talks hope to ever be. Real and raw.

@EmilTheoneandonly 4 жыл бұрын

very good and very well told

@ravleenkaur3425 4 жыл бұрын

The three tips 1. Accept that suffering is universal 2. Is it good for me? Or should I stay away? 3. Don't lose yourself to what you have lost.

@muzzybeat 4 жыл бұрын

Thank you much for posting this. I was browsing the comments for this - to remember. I was just telling my friend about this video, and already couldn't remember two of the main points. :)

@TC-uk7pm 4 жыл бұрын

Ravleen Kaur I still highly recommend everyone to listen to this talk, it really is inspiring. Having the tips is good, but actually listening to the talk is eye-opening.

@kevjtnbtmglr 4 жыл бұрын

thank you

@Sushobhit333 4 жыл бұрын

explain the 2nd and 3rd points

@raynic1173 4 жыл бұрын

Just a small correction your # 3 is actually apart of # 2. Personally I find # 2 & 3 on a very similar tack; all being apart of choosing good over bad, be it your thoughts or actions. But she actually notes # 3 at 12:19 as- Is what am I doing helping or hurting. Peace. To expand: 1) Suffering is apart of life (7:11) -everyone experiences suffering, tragedy, pain. 2) Resilient people are really good at selecting where they place their attention (8:16) -accept what you can change and what you can't -find things to be grateful for -tune into the good -find three things everyday to be grateful for 3) Resilient people ask weather what I'm doing is helping or harming me? (12:19) -be kind to yourself -is what your doing, thinking, acting, helping or harming yourself? -this gives you back control of your decision making (instead of being lost in grief)

@masonmarshall9727 4 жыл бұрын

I was hit by a semi truck 5 years ago but listening to this, i feel like it was just a scratch. This had me crying the second she starting talking about her daughter... I knew what was coming and just made be feel so much. We tend to think when things happen to ourselves is when life becomes challenging but its when it happens to those we love I think it is even harder. You are so much stronger then you realize, you thank for sharing this

@karenlin-mahar3403 4 жыл бұрын

Thank you Lucy for your amazing words of inspiration, action and wisdom. This is one of the best TED talks I have seen.

@JayBobJayBob 4 жыл бұрын

Thanks for the comments, I couldn’t bear to listen to any more halfway through, I appreciate those of you who summarized her talk.

@samuelzev4076 4 жыл бұрын

After surviving traumatic brain injury and losing my job and social life I could definitely relate to this but I don't grieve all the time because I believe that I will persevere and get through this.

@cortneyrens 4 жыл бұрын

Sorry about your injury. Keep up the positive thinking, you will get through this!! I like how she said that people who wrote down 3 things every day (no matter how small) that were positive and made them happy, made them less depressed, I'm going to start doing that.

@nagyjoseph4953 4 жыл бұрын

This is my best talk ever 😍

@jasonkeene6652 3 жыл бұрын

People such Lucy are the reason I survived the first year after the loss of our 17 year old son. They gave me hope. I could not understand how they survived, but they showed it could be done.

@steamulationlab 4 жыл бұрын

That was a great talk, it really touched my heart, thank you for sharing these strategies

@Vivaswaan. 4 жыл бұрын

Words can't describe how great the talk was.

@danika6850 4 жыл бұрын

The best Ted Talk I’ve ever watched.

@billiebleach7889 4 жыл бұрын

How a sad story lifts up all of us. Thank you.

@alopez4362 4 жыл бұрын

THANK YOU DEAR FOR THE GREAT MESSAGE. UNIVERSE HAS HELD YOU CLOSER !!!!!!!

@sourabhs14 4 жыл бұрын

This is a really good talk. Exactly what we needed at this time of pandemic. Thank you Lucy, from the bottom of my heart. Love from India.

@lottiea.b.acheampong8526 4 жыл бұрын

Very timely. Thanks for sharing.

@GS-st9ns 3 жыл бұрын

All of the above. I am always always been resilient and found in mind. I recognize and feel your pain more than you will ever ever believe . This is my get rid of all the negative energy day and every video I see is helping me

@tanagrigg7366 4 жыл бұрын

Fantastic talk. Thank you so much.

@tejasrao6941 4 жыл бұрын

Salute you Lucy Hone. I am right in middle of an unwanted crisis and your talk has inspired me to keep my focus on 3 strategies you spoke on. God bless you.

@alphastar4561 4 жыл бұрын

You have gone through a lot of adversities ma'am. Thank you for sharing, it will help us in our tough times.

@ellydavis2066 3 жыл бұрын

Even though people have listed the 3 strategies this is well worth a listen, she says a lot more than just that. She is pretty inspirational especially if you've been through what she has.

@freidenkercb2516 4 жыл бұрын

It was helping us all to watch this video. We can Be grateful for that. Stay strong guys , as this beautiful lady is doing

@DesignTheNewWorld 4 жыл бұрын

Good time to upload that

@kiagulati2728 3 жыл бұрын

Lucy, you had my attention throughout your talk. Thank you for inspiring me and helping me move one step closer to happiness. #Grateful

@Alan-Aus 4 жыл бұрын

i am watching this trying to build resilience through COVID-19 (feeling hopeless, anxious and stress during this crazy period)

@aaronreed8389 3 жыл бұрын

Wow, Cheers, your courage and compassion are truly amazing. Much appreciated!

@kelleyabitbol6156 4 жыл бұрын

Thank you so much for sharing

@atulchalbaaz 3 жыл бұрын

I am a million times thankful to you for sharing this message on public platform

@jacquiheywood3142 4 жыл бұрын

What an excellent Ted talk. Thank you. I will share this widely.

@matthall2506 4 жыл бұрын

Thank you Lucy for your powerful message.

@MsSylvana63 4 жыл бұрын

Blessings with much gratitude as you journey on 🙏🏾💗

@suevanidad 4 жыл бұрын

This talk is constantly essential nowadays.

@howtheworldworks3 4 жыл бұрын

At this point in life I think I could win the first place if there was a resilience competition. I survived my own suicide attempts and changed after that. Now people think I am a heartless monster. They are wrong. I am simply far more resilient than before.

@cortneyrens 4 жыл бұрын

Good job for changing! I think some people think that they get points for showing how much of a victim they are.... I try to focus on the good things and don't complain about too much, its made me a happier person. Victimhood=Unhappiness

@georgemckendrickbryce9863 4 жыл бұрын

Well done Lucy, I can't stress enough how important positive thinking has been getting over the feeling of loss and the absence of people I had included in my idea of what my life was going to be. The happy memories are so much more soothing ❤

@yoshihisasugiyama1162 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you for your TED talks. I have recommended by my good friend post in FB. Then I have watched your TED talks. I will try to take action your recommendation 3 actions in my life for the better my, family's, and friend's life.

@yaseminmanavbas5236 11 ай бұрын

I cant help but I cried.. Such a courageous person!

@Sereno44 4 жыл бұрын

Admirable woman and her teachings are great. I´m shocked about her way to find resilience in such a tragic situation.

@denisesousa5153 4 жыл бұрын

Great! That number 3 is perfect!... Thanks for sharing your thoughts and feelings and experience with us!

@jeanlastimoso4780 4 жыл бұрын

Live and grieve at the same time. Beautiful!

@jodyjohnsen 4 жыл бұрын

I would add a bonus technique; it is possible to tell yourself a story about your loved one that releases you from grief knowing it’s just a story. Mine was that my beloved aunt was leaving on a fun filled cruise and just needed me to wish her well so she could have fun. When a child died I told myself she was an angel whom we had fur 10 whole years but now has other work to do. (I’m an atheist. This was not a religious tool, just a coping technique.) I knew this was a mechanism to relieve grieving but it allowed my exhausted mind a break. I used those breaks to rest and internalize the first three techniques above. These things saved me when nothing else did.

@val44636 3 жыл бұрын

Thank you for sharing what an incredible strength!

@nedimuzey 2 ай бұрын

I think the key message to cope with the pain is the hope. If you lose your job, you can find another one, if you divorce, there is a possibility to marry again. So there is always hope that help you to overcome the stress. If you lose someone from the family and particularly a child, this mechanism doesn’t work. There is no hope. Then everything gets dark and darker. I believe the only light that help you through is life does not end in this world, but one day you’ll meet your beloved ones. This is hope that help you to go on.

@robertwylie326 10 ай бұрын

Brilliant Lucy, God Bless You!🙏 Thank you, I am very much inspired by your talk today!

@VivekMishra-um7hl 4 жыл бұрын

Thank you so much..most enlightening Ted talk ever on mental physical issues...god bless you...you are a true true saver

@rutilopata8294 4 жыл бұрын

Great talk, beautiful delivery... so sorry for your loss🕊🌺

@simoneerceg7116 4 жыл бұрын

Aroha nui Lucy, thank you for blessing us with your wisdom and beauty

@krmaheshvit 4 жыл бұрын

Thank you so much Lucy.

@PitSpielmann 4 жыл бұрын

Excellent speech. So simple - and apparently sooo difficult for some.

@carolyngracetoday 4 жыл бұрын

Wonderful! Thanks so much for sharing.

@shawnellemartineaux6212 4 жыл бұрын

I'm predisposed to theae habits of resilience. This video really helped me to understand myself better. I've had a bit of a run and it's only been 25 years so far. I've managed to fight my dragons over and over. Thanks for this.

@bibianaescobar6042 4 жыл бұрын

I truly needed this now. Thank you

@luanvickers9429 4 жыл бұрын

Absolutely amazing and really practical in helping some really dark issues x

@antand97 4 жыл бұрын

Thank you, really. Sometimes the right words at the right time are a lifesaving.

@ianw9763 4 жыл бұрын

Thank you so much for sharing these, that’s really helpful.

@njorogenancy1724 4 жыл бұрын

lovely reminder of the serenity prayer thank you

@jirayuskhachornkiatphan8199 4 жыл бұрын

Thank you for this inspiring and amazing talk.

@reenabooth7009 4 жыл бұрын

Thank you for spreading these very useful tools. And thank you for sharing your story to all of us strangers.

@drsakshijoshi 4 жыл бұрын

Wow! What an amazing talk it was, the way she delivered it & everything was just perfect. 🌠

@sangitak68 4 жыл бұрын

D way u explained has made an positive impact on me.......you have shown a path that can make many can rely on & try to change /fix things that have turned thier life for worse......your guidance is worth following.....keep it up