Imagine Archaon and Abbadon sitting in a bar arguing who is the biggest loser. Archaon: "You lost 13 times. Why is anyone still following you?" Abbadon: "Because I never got a kick into the balls by an Ork in front of everybody!"

"Failbaddon the harmless" i fucking lost my shit... xD

Abaddon, the Saturday morning cartoon villain of 40k.

So in other words. Failbaddon is a monkey hammering at a typewriter and eventually given enough time he'll fail his way to victory.

Mighty Arch, I have a theory for you to hear! What if Failbaddon is actually a joke amongs the chaos gods? They make wagers and bets on how many troops they can give him, how many blessings and gifts they can bestow upon him and still fail? And each Black Crusade is actually only a time when one of them says "Bullshit, let's see who is correct here!" and they launch him with all the new shiny toys they made up.

Well... Napoleon's first conquest was litteraly a vegetable patch (when he was around 10, the school he was in gave all students a small vegetable patch to cultivate. First thing he did was invade his neighbours and build a fence around his conquest ...). So please don't insult emperor Napoléon Bonaparte by comparing him to Failbadouche the Harmless ...

He is called the armless because his tabletop model's arms are fragile? That's cute.

Captain Kirk: We come in peace. Chaos Space marine: Blood fo the blood God !!! THE END

"The point I'm trying to make is that if a Black Crusade hit pretty much any another other fantasy universe ever there would be very little left of said fantasy universe... In 40K however, its Tuesday." I laughed so hard at that it was great.

Arch: "too horrible to talk about on KZfaq." Lutin09: "i made a 1hr video about it"

I love the sense of scale you gave Cadia. As the great Rogal Dorn would have said, 'The best offense, is a good defense.'

The uncomfortable shit Arch was talking about was a little experiment by the Iron Warriors, along with Dark Mechanicus. To give you the child friendly version, human females would be herded into a test area, where they would be shackled into cages and force fed neutriants and drugs that would bloat their stomachs to a massive level that it would look like the larve spawner from aliens. When done, the dark mechanicus would give them a gene seed, and the women would then give birth to fully grown space marines in 3 days time.... Without skin. This does not count for the facts that the majority of these guys died doing birth, or grew horrible mutations, like 2 heads on their cocks. If they were seen as unfit chaos space marines, they would be thrown outside the fortress they were made in, which quickly resulted in these abominations banding together to make huge packs of God emperor praising skinless child-like warriors. Oh yeah, they praised the Emperor as their one true God, because Gene seed.

So......about Cadia........

To be fair, how was Abbadon supposed to compete with a guy who can hide Reaver Titans behind tasteful shrubbery?

The biggest threat to the Imperium is Games Workshop. No one screws up bigger or more often. Except possibly the US Congress.

So Abbadon is basically dark grim version of team rocket?

"Hey, Abaddon, why you launch Black Crusade?" "Because it's TUESDAY!"

was going to be a warhammer fantasy video today but things happend and then more things... and that is why i have back up vids like this!

So a black crusade is basically a toned down version of Saturday nights at Cardiff

The planet broke before the Guard did, never forget.

R.I.P cadia 😢

How would blaster bolts even interact with power armor? I would imagine they would just...bounce off.

I love arch

10 chaos marines for the entire crew of an Eclipse class SD? Arch, that's really...really pushing it.

“And that scenario is functionally impossible...” Called that a little early, lol

3:56 how dare you! That is the most feared vegetable patch this side of the valley of spooky radishes

I think you mean Failbadon the Disapointer.

Oh my arch...this is 13th black crusade part 1...the rest is now the "FALL OF CADIA"!!

The law requires me to say "The planet broke before the guard did"

The Chaos gods have no real need to succeed, the Imperium in it's current state is an amazing source of energy for them.

7:42 "greatest success is pointing someone in the right direction" hehe, he can't really point either

The Chaos Gods Sabotage Every Black Crusade.

Could we ever get a Warhammer Fantasy Lore video on the Moot and their halflings?

Well, the movie star wars would have no chance against Chaos. However 40k is basically an extended universe on it's own. So we should get to SW EU. And here we've got funny stuff like: ridiculously huge ships with Death Star superlasers, planets with populations reaching trillion, reborn Emperor capable of creating Warpstorms, space stations destroying whole star systems in one shot (yes, even Cadia could be destroyed) without moving a bit, and there's Super Sayan Grand Master Luke Skywalker... well, he's one with the Force, It's like a psyker had unlimited access to the Warp without being torn apart (even before he was capable of moving Devastator (19 km length) size ships like it was an x-wing). Now, they could stand a chance... at least for some time. Also I'm curious how the Force would interfere with the Warp. Maybe they would strengthen each other, maybe disable, or just annihilate them both...

Well a Black Crusade hitting the Star Wars universe would end miserably. Why? Because Rey Palpatine exists and Kathleen Kennedy is at the helm, and they’d stop Abaddon through sheer force of Girl Power (tm) no matter how much lore they have to defile.

Abbadon sounds like Luigi Cadorna, the Italien chief of staff in WW1 who initiated 11 of the 12 battles of the Isonzo river because he always he would break trough the Austrian lines the next time.

I'm halfway through the first Horus Heresy book and loving it. I've only been looking at the 40K universe for a few weeks now but its by far the best fantasy universe created. I thought star wars was cool but this blows it out of the water. Great videos by the way!

Just imagine if they had a competent commander. No a brilliant one.

Arch, thanks for doing these videos! While i don't play the game itself, I've always found the 40k universe fascinating and you do them with style. "Failbadon the Harmless" is one of my favorite top 10 lines ever!

I would love to read a crossover comic between WH: 40k and any other sci-fi category, be it starcraft, mass effect, star wars or what ever. If Commander Shepard thought Reapers were bad, wait until he's up against soldiers of the Blood God.

What book series in particular was Arch talking about when he was referring to the unspeakable things that happen on the demon worlds???

I love watching this video after the Fall of Cadia. Hindsight of what has happened and hearing how it couldn't. I need to watch your video of the Fall once again.

A black crusade has become something soo often that every race in the universe, and chaos forces that dont participate in the black crusade to watch it and bet how many time it will take to grind it down to failure, and how many tears abaddon will let out before he leaves, also about 13th everyone lost... for abbadon that was debet with everyone, but even them he lost later

We all love Failbaddon though! He's inspiring. Getting so much fail done with NO arms!

Arch's insults sure are original 10/10

"Combat-hardened Cadians" No such things as a non-combat-hardened Cadian! Cadian blood is wine on the Emperor's tongue!

'click on video' 'start listening' by 2:10 I was on the floor rolling around in laughter!

It depends on who boarded who and who was on the ship. Imperial sensors would probably pick up the Chaos Space Marines long before they themselves were noticed, and you would be shocked at what Imperial efficiency can accomplish. I'd say if some badasses like the 501st were on the Imperial vessel then the Chaotic forces stand no chance. They would simply be outgunned and outstrategized by the superior organization of the Imperials.

Now THAT was some hilarious commentary.

Star Wars does have Aboleth. Which is basically the rage of Khorne, the twisted pleasure in suffering of Slaanesh, knowledge of Tzeetch, and ruthlessness of a pissed off Emps. Imagine a creature that has more power than all other force users, dark and light, together. But I would argue that a well armed group of 5 Astartes could commandeer a star destroyer. Providing a Sith wasnt on board.

I always have to come back and rewatch this vid simply for the joy of Arch’s rapping on Abbadon

after accidentally viewing this my grandmother said she could have conquered the imperium in no more than two attempts, and abbadon is and I quote "a wuss".

are there any books telling the chaos side of warhammer 40k?

(In the meantime on an Imperial Super Star Destroyer.) Clonetrooper: "LORD VADER, WE HAVE A BREACH IN SECTOR 17." Vader: [heavy breathing] "Deal. With. It." Clonetrooper: "sir, it's a squad of 10 khorne berserkers... o_o" Vader: "... Okay, yeah, initiate self-destruct and let's bail, i'm too young to die."

Arch, I miss the good ole hour long lore videos, best thing ever to listen to as you wind down for sleep.

He talks about a black crusade as this reality ending thing. I've got this arch! Primaris marine to chapter master "milord it's another black crusade!!!" Chapter master "I hate Mondays!"

To anyone that says Jedi can just use the force to block or deflect las bolts or bolt rounds, that is true, Jedi and sith alike can deflect las bolts, and could use the force to redirect bolt rounds. But Star Wars itself has proven Jedi and sith can be defeated by ranged weapons. Order 66 speaks for itself. And while there are certainly powerful force users in the Star Wars universe, psykers are on a whole other level, and have a much larger number of abilities than force users, exceptionally powerful psykers can kill with but a thought, I'm not sure if even farther sidious could that. Also, Orks don't give a shit. They will risk getting sliced in half or blown up just to kill you. Tyranids are a never ending wave. Eldar are on par with Jedi in terms of agility, maybe even surpassing Jedi. Necrons are living metal, and there most basic guns can fuck up tanks. The only race I can actually see the Star Wars universe fighting on even ground are the tau, anything else is just overkill, what with the literal armies of super soldiers, super heavy vehicles, Titans, and planet killing weaponry, very few universes can stand up to the might of 40k.

What do you mean by the primarchs might not be what we first thought them to be ?

2016 Arch: Cadia is impregnable. 2017 Arch: Pikachu shock face.

Yay! It's story time with Uncle Arch once again! :D

1:28 Star trek high energy discharge tech makes a lasgun look like a nurf gun. Also do the tech priests have a way to stop transporters. cuz it would suck to get beamed out of your armor with nothing but your space boxers on! I do agree tho 1 Chaos Marine could take the enterprise if you turned the power off for a few hours 😆

arch 2016 I quote "don't you worry we are gonna get into him oh yes we are" lol

viewing this makes recent events quite more so impressive

Recently I've been rediscovering 40k in all its glory, since my Games Workshoping hay days of the early nineties. I was wondering, when Arch talks about the spectacular failure of the twelve Black Crusades lead by Abaddon, are these events something that's been described in book lore or are they actual campaigns that have been played as special scenarios and have then been reported on in White Dwarf (if that's still around)?

Well to be fair to Abaddon, I can point a lot factors as to why he "fails" so many times. I mean has anyone here actually took these factors into consideration? Besides just using the stupid memes as basis? For starters let's take a gander into what Abaddon has to work with such as the other traitor legions for instance, can they really be counted on to have his back? I mean the other traitor legions have no sense of unity and cohesion between them, and are more than happy to fuck(literally for Slaaneshi followers) each other at the slightest provocation. Besides when Abaddon "unites" all the other traitor legions, it's through coercion not charismatic appeal. Don't get me started with how the followers of chaos are overall more concerned with their own agendas than help with someone else's. Aside from the followers of chaos, there's also the issue with the chaos gods themselves. Considering that Abaddon has no genuine loyalty towards the ruinous powers, suffice to say I'm not all that surprised that the chaos gods are definitely hindering Abaddon's chances of success. The ruinous powers probably want to keep doing this until Abaddon fully submits himself to them. With all these factors coming into play, I'm surprised Abaddon has not snapped. A lot of people just love comparing Abaddon to Archaon and keep fapping how the latter is so much "cooler" well if anyone asks me Archaon is the bigger loser. I mean seriously his entire motivation to destroy the world is because he's butthurt that Sigmar did not "save" him and is throwing a tantrum about it. Wow that is so "deep." Well look where his SUCK-cess of destroying the world brought, destruction of the old world that paved the way for you-know-what. Which leads me to this question, since every fan here just love bragging how "creative" they are, what would you have done for Archaon? Be thwarted repeatedly and fail, becoming another failbaddon? Or let him succeed in bringing the world to an end? Not much you can do with a villain with such a shallow goal now can you? It's no wonder GW had no idea what to do with Archaon and how to advance the story for Fantasy properly. At least Abaddon has a more practical and meaningful goal of wanting to conquer Terra, ditch the chaos gods and make humanity bow before him.

Only 18 minutes? Heresy.

Laughed so hard! One of Arch's best

One of my favorite parts of the 40k fanbase is how we bicker amongst ourselves about who would win and all that, but as soon as another fanbase says that something would kill something from 40k, everybody gangs up on them.

I would love to see Star Trek vs. Warhammer 40k.

While Star Trek's universe would do poorly in something like the Black Crusade, I COULD actually see a group of Federation "soldiers" taking on a small Chaos force and winning. The main problem is scale, really. Star Trek weaponry is actually pretty impressive (mind you, we rarely see the Federation take its gloves off), but it jumps from "Phaser Rifle" to "Antimatter Missile" with very little in between. This is because most fights in Trek occur in space or indoors, so you tend to skip things like tanks. For example, if a handful of Chaos Marines or cultists tried to attack DS9 (after getting the Defiance), I wouldn't be TOO surprised if DS9 would be able to hold them off.

So *laughs nervously* yeah Cadia....

There should be a cross over where chaos just ends up in another universe, like star wars.

Black Crusade vs the Reapers from Mass Effect?

"If a Black Crusade happen in any other Fantasy Universe there wouldn't be much left of it. In 40K it's Thursday.":) So true honestly I think most of the other Fantasy and Fifi universes are a bit underpowered.

broke into uncontrollable laughter as soon as i heard "the illustrious leader of these crusades" 10/10 i am entertained.

This is by far the most disturbing video you have made thus far. But I do love all the Abbadon nicknames:-)

Idk man, I'm pretty sure the Fourunner Empire from Halo would have a pretty good chance against the black crusade, I mean, they did have galaxy sterilising super weapons.

Failbadddon pls :(

i love these videos they got me into 40k

I think that the whole prophecy of Abbadon tearing Emps off his throne was just a joke the Chaos Gods decided to play on him that got a little out of hand.

what is the ork beast

A single warship from The Culture could stop a black crusade by itself but that's what happens when you mix fantasy universes :)

The planet broke before the Guard did!

I'd love to see an updated version of this taking Fall of Cadia and the new lore into consideration

A Jedi or Sith lord could beat a chaos space marine

Dempski Bowden really gets Abbadon. Read Soul Hunter and Talon of Horus. And as you know the entire goal of the 12th was the fortresses. And for god's sake, make a Pinbaddon the Armful. People just don't know how to handle how metal he is.

"Abbadon the Dispoiler? More like Abbadon the Piss Boiler! Oo got em" said the blood angel as he Dabs in Depression and is then furiously beaten up by his entire chapter during the 7th Black Crusade, which caused half the chapter to die because they were too busy beating an astartes to death to hold the line.

He is not failing tbh - he always returned with what he wanted - artifices etc.

Small extended universe spoiler. I love the scene in "Soul Hunter" where Talos pretty much tells Abaddon to fuck off because he's such a failure. It's my most favorite scene in all of 40k literature.

Considering the fact that one of Abaddon's main opponents can hide Titans behind bushes, I'd say he couldn't hope to no matter how competent he was.

man you make my day :D nice video

love your vids bro, the night haunter lore vid is your best yet, even better than the black crusades which is awesome as well. When do you think youll be able to do one on lucius the eternal or Vulkan and the 9 artefacts his sons are searching for? keep them coming bro

well by the very definition of chaos, it makes sense that they can't make an organized assault on the imperium.

Love your vids man just subscribed. Are you planning on making a video about the chaos gods, If not can you?

"The fuckening". This is why I love you Arch.

YEAH ARCH! !! Another lore I wanted to hear!! can u do one just on the 13th B.C.?

I can just imagine Trazyn waking up and grabbing a cup of necro-coffee and wearing pink bunny slippers and a bathrobe. Then all of a sudden that damn bell starts ringing again, “must be Tuesday” he says, as his museum starts to crumble around him....again.

I would say that the only setting that could reliably take on a Black crusade might be the Culture, or Strike Legion. The former because, well, they already fight with planet-busting guns standard at superluminal speeds, and the latter because it's 40k, with the serial numbers filed off.

To be fair to Abbadon, the reason why he keeps failing is because the chaos gods want him to.

i always find it funny that people think a 2x2 meter vent in a moonsized base was a ridiculous weakness