"I don't know too much about women, but I do know a lot about dog penises." -Daniel O'Brien

"You're weird at sex and you should know that forever. Welcome to high school."

Dan forgot the most significant health risk to using honey as lube. The constant risk of bears smelling it and attacking your junk!

I'm glad he mentioned the yeast infection thing. That always bugs me in sex scenes where certain foods are used. Just gross, not sexy.

It was Dan's butt.

Right behind After Hours, this is my favourite Cracked show.

I fear Dan's knowledge on what happens if you use honey for lube was gained first hand.

"Oh no my BOOONER!" -Daniel "D.O.B" O'Brien, June 24th, 2015

So the Coppola Dracula movie did take quite a few liberties from the original Dracula story written by Bram Stoker, however, it is still the closest adaptation of that book ever made to date. And that sex scene pretty much happens the way it happened in the book, baby and all. In the book, Johnathan Harker was explicitly told by Dracula, not to fall asleep anywhere in the castle other than his bedroom, and that he couldn't guaranty his safety if he broke this rule. Well he does, because being a contract lawyer is really dull, and he falls asleep in the library. When the vampiresses appear he assumes that he's dreaming, partly due to the surrealness of it, but also because he can't move. He also explains that he was uncontrollably aroused, and also disgusted with himself for having these feelings that betray his wife Mina. Then Dracula shows up, scolds them, gives them a baby to eat, and sends them away with an ominous remark that they can have Harker after he has what he needs from him. (He's essentially buying up property in London so he can move there and take over the world) Most of the big differences between the movie and book happen when Dracula gets to London, where the movie depicts Dracula elaborately romancing Mina away from Johnathan. Which pretty much never happened. But I can see why Coppola would do that, because Dracula as a character pretty much doesn't exist for the second two thirds of the book. It's all told from the POV of the characters hunting him but rarely interacting with him. But that sex scene... is totally legit.

Spurs Will Always Invigorate My Butt.

"I'm gonna bite that dick." "You better not!"

It was your butt, Daniel. We know you just edited that in there, you're not fooling anyone.

Where's the room, that sex scene was hilarious.

Babies can really stretch the frugal vampires' food dollar.

My question is, during the sex orgy/rave, where are all the children, and I don't know, people over 30? Were they all suddenly put on guard Duty, and thrown out into the wilderness? thanks Daniel. I never noticed that before.

I am actually a 19 year old college student and can confirm 100% that you sometimes get yeast infections.

I'm surprised the weird pool sex scene from Showgirls isn't on this list. She seriously almost drowns herself??

Honey may make a terrible lube, but coconut oil does work as an edible lube. Obviously, don't use it if you or any of the other people involved in sexy times are allergic to coconut, and don't use it with latex condoms because coconut oil is oil and will cause the latex to deteriorate. You can use it with polyisoprene condoms, though. Also, you should probably double check this information before you use coconut oil as lube because to you I'm just some person on the internet and you have no way of being sure that I know what I'm talking about.

please keep making these- you have some of the best videos on youtube!

You really need to include the sex scene from 'Damage,' where Jeremy Irons is holding Juliette Binoche by the ears and banging her head on the floor in time to the bonking. The entire movie theatre I was in burst out laughing at that one when I went to see it with my husband!

"These candles are going to burn the dorm to the ground." I almost died laughing. My first night at college the girl in the room above mine at the dorm had her boyfriend over and they lit a bunch of candles. They left the room afterward and forgot to blow all of them out. Add in an open window and you can guess what happened. Ahhhhh, memories!

God I swear I am subscribed to here just because of Daniel - please never stop doing this

"Look forward to that episode coming in...never!" So simple, so good!

So many hilarious lines in this one! Also, I would really appreciate seeing Dan break down the similarities between 9 & a Half weeks and 50 Shades of Gray. Sure, it means he'd have to watch 50 Shades, but sometimes sacrifices must be made!

Oh my God, I've seen 9 1/2 Weeks so many times and I didn't know that scene was implying they used honey for lube. I can't unlearn this.

There's one rule of sex and food. Do NOT mix sex and food.

"I know a lot about dog penises." -Daniel O'Brien

Man, remember when Mickey Rourke was attractive?

"Let's have him take a bite out of an apple so he looks like more of an asshole." Ding! Considering the recent collaboration between Cracked and Cinemasins, this was all I could think of.

I always enjoy Dan's take on things. Any things, really. And his commentary is always enjoyably awkward.

the post script Teen Wolf Sex Scene comment had me in stiches . "You're weird at sex and you should know that forever. Welcome to High School. "

My crush on Dan knows no bounds.

For those curious about the use of spurs in intimate activities, but who sadly do not live in 19th century Mexico, I suggest checking your local adult toy store for something called a "wartenberg wheel." It's essentially a spur with a handle. It has legitimate medical uses, but you also see them used as sex toys.

how does he know what fingers taste like after playing guitar? I mean, he's exactly right, but I'm just really surprised that he knows that.

Five years late, but I just wanted to tell Daniel his “The Mote in God’s Eye” reference was truly appreciated.

Dan is so cute. I'm not even gay I just want to turn him into a puppy and snuggle with him.

Dude, how is Watchmen not on this list?

I love how you incorporated your credits into "9-1/2 Weeks." Well done you!

"...and on the gripping hand..." Nice reference, sir!

The ultra-rare sighting of "on the gripping hand" in the wild. Bravo!

Daniel, I super love your videos, everything you do on this channel. Your mannerisms, your voice, just the way you break things down. I enjoy everything you do please never stop making videos, I love you. Amen

It was the anonymous butt of a movie stunt model. They didn't zoom the camera out because that person looks nothing like Selma Hayek...probably...

"And you can do dirty underground subway toilet orgy." LOL, I lost it.

"on the gripping hand" Niven reference FTW!

the dracula scene was in the book. baby included and all

Lol I feel like most of this video is just "hi I'm Dan and sex is weird" I love it!

I knew I loved Dan, after my first After Hours episode last week, but hearing it called "Yakety Sax" and not "The Benny Hill Theme" made me so happy. Take me now, Dan, take me now! ...I might need professional help.

The director's butt got spurred, it was a very hidden cammio.(me nor spell check know how to spell camio)

Daniel. Why exactly *do* you know so much about canine genitals? I know why *I* know about them, but I can't help but wonder if it's the same reason you do, lmao.

I actually busted out laughing during the bit about honey and lube... I could not stop laughing.

"Have you ever got sap on your hand & tried to get it off its f*cking impossible. .....next day at work when your coworkers smell you they're going to think you f*cked a box of Golden Grahams." Man this sh*t was beyond funny.

"I know 19 year old college students watch this..." you're right Daniel we do

Dan.. Thanks for always putting my heart thoughts into words

It was never my intention when I started this show to have to dispense this information. Putting honey in your vagina can cause a yeast infection. I literally laughed until tears welled up

"You can probably skip that one.......anyway BYE." Pure Gold!

I tried to like this a second time when you pointed out that honey is not lube. Honey is sticky for gods sake!

But doesn't honey also contain antibiotics? Oh wait I just checked, yeast is a fungus not bacteria. So, yeah, don't use honey as lube.

"Nope you're bad at sex you should know that forever welcome to high school" Fucking died.

Dude you need your own channel, best thing on Cracked

OH MY GOD YOU SAID THE GRIPPING HAND ... Although on reflection I shouldn't be surprised that Dan is a fan of Larry Niven and Jerry Pournelle's excellent book, "The Mote in God's Eye". Everyone go read it now.

1:20 thats atually the point of both the film and the book also he is a man in the Victorian era... you know, the time when a healthy relationship consist in sending latter for 3 years before holding hands ... of course he is HAVING the best sex of his life and the scene is in the film because its part of the book

Thank you for bringing this back

I love how perfectly you just read your audience, because I'm a 19 year old college student. Great job there.

No Showgirls?

Alright, for the record, that must be Selma's butt not Antonio's. Why? Do you see any hair on that butt? Seriously, Antonio has dark hair, and unless he body shaves including his entire butt, that close up, you would see dark hair. Also, during the filming of this he was pretty thin. Look at the rest of the scenes, and tell me his butt would be that round. Whereas, Selma has a womanly round figure, and that is what you see in this scene. But(t), I could be wrong.

2:50-2:54 just makes me think of when DOB and BOD hooked up in Agents of Cracked

the humor in this video had me choking back laughter like freaking crazy. My coworkers think I'm insane. Thanks. Thanks a lot.

not gonna lie, that Matrix sex scene reminded me alot of Eyes Wide Shut

0:37 more like scary oldman.

"Gripping Hand" reference for the win!

On the gripping hand!!!!!! I thought i was the only Motie on earth. You sir have earned yourself a subscrition.

"On the gripping hand" ??? been reading A Mote in Gods Eye have we?

9 1/2 shades of Gray.

after hours and this is what we need more of, i mean i love the casual cracked content but i gotta say these two are my favorites ^^ i hope to see more of these

I love that he is all 'don't use honey as lube, because apparently, I may be the first to tell them this.'

That was Salma Hayek's butt. It was perfection.

well actually honey is a treatment for yeast infection i know this why? im a bisexual with a honey fetish im not even making this up

I'm convinced the desk drumming Dan does at the beginning of every episode is morse code for some kind of subliminal message.

This is good stuff, Cracked is so hit or miss these days

I thought the Desperado sex scene was really nice actually.

Best episode ever! I love hearing Daniel rant so much.

I'm listening to this while working so I can only look at the screen occasionally, so when I just glanced at the last entry, I thought it was "Road to El Dorado" and I was just "Oh, ok-what?"

Danny, my boy, you out-did yourself in this one!!! BTW, since we're already ruining what could have been the greatest sex scene in a mainstream movie... Let's go ahead and say that was Steve Buscemi's butt making a cameo.

"Nope. You're weird at sex and you should know that forever."

This is the funniest video you have so far I've watched!!

Thank you! I have never laughed this hard in my life. Thank you!

"These are the flavours." This video is hilarious

Nice "on the Gripping Hand" reference.

i feel like if daniel went to clubs where women were he'd be able to tell the difference between dancing and sex

I'm glad Cracked finally caught on to what the fans really want: Endless videos of Dan talking about sex.

I am completely blown away by the reference to The Gripping Hand. Bravo, sir, bravo.

Why would anyone think "honey is good lube" anyway? It's sticky, it's just going to cause extra friction.

Thank you for the Gripping hand reference.

" like 'Oh no, my BO-ner!!!' " I'm dying right now lmao.

Love the gripping hand reference!

That PSA about honey causing yeast infections make you an ally to women in my book.

Wow. I was not expecting the throwback Sci-fi reference, especially to start off the countdown. (The Mote in God's Eye) You've exceeded my expectations yet again, Daniel. Well played.

This is the BEST. Thanks for the laughs!

This was hilarious! You are awesome!

The best humor is exposing a shared experience no-one ever talks about. I'm sure everyone who has ever played an acoustic guitar just lost their shit.