I can relate. On our last group dive, "Larry" dropped his weight belt on my dive computer. His response was, "you don't need that thing anyway, my vintage 1970's pressure and depth gauge is all you need."

"As we're using Nitrox remember to set up your computer correctly." "what's Nitrox?" 2008 Red Sea.

"I'll race you to the surface!"

'how does this watch thing work' *said before a 30 metre dive

#6 "Have you seen my [insert_piece_of_essential_equipment]? I think I may have left it in the car..."

"Anyone see my breathy thingy?"

“Wait....This ain’t my dive boat!!!” As the the boat captain 3 boats down is about to have a stroke looking for the “Einstein” that just climbed on to your boat.

I'm a Charter boat skipper, we do get our own back when you're diving! Especially the rebreather divers... just as they queue up ready to jump in, having done their pre breathing, circuit pressure and bail out checks, I ask "Does this large "O" ring belong to anyone?" But what really pisses us off is divers not putting up an SMB at the start of a Drift Dive. I had a rebreather diver.. ( again.....) Alone! diving for nearly twenty minutes, with no bubbles to follow...!!!! Please don't wear a wet dry suit or Wet suit in the cabin, if you want something, just ask the crew or the skipper to get it for you. If you're struggling with something, you're doing it wrong. Ask your buddy or the crew for help. Don't drop your weight belt onto the deck. Ask before diving if it's ok to bring edible creatures back on the boat, there are serious fines and penalties for landing under size or protected species, and seasons for certain species. You can always buy from fishermen if you want a lobster or Scallops to take home, leaving the live ones in the sea where they belong. Don't hold onto the Shotline to pull yourself down, do a weighting check before getting on the boat, and remember to do it with about 30 Bar in your tank so you aren't too light at the safety stop. If you dive in a dry suit and add undersuits in colder waters, you will need to add weight, and if you usually dive in freshwater quarries, you will need to add more weight in saltwater. There are tides in the sea, the water is moving. Don't ascend the Shot line if you're on a temporary shot, send up an SMB. surface under your SMB. If you have never dived in the sea from a boat before, consider doing the boat diver course, drift diver, deep diver, wreck diver and Enriched Air diver courses with a Dive Centre, that's what they are there for!

"Go pour yourself a drink" is one of the worst things you could tell someone with elevated Nitrogen levels in their blood.

"Hey Mate, can you hold my beer while i put my BC on?"

I don’t see, “Did I turn my air on?”

point at the cool box ,, and say ,,,, how do i flush this

"One more trip to the hyperbaric chamber and I get 12 hours for free."

I am returning to diving after 15 years, and I love the meerkat reference

"Same day, same ocean... we're buddies!"

On a night dive ::::: excuse me anyone have a torch I can borrow. I left mine in the car.

My local dive shop told me it was stupid to test out my gear in a pool if it passed inspection before I dive I’m glad I didn’t listen. One of my hoses had a crack they didn’t catch. ( I’m switching shops)

Ahhhh Palencar Caves in Cozumel at 2:42, I was there a few weeks ago. Niiiiice! And of course you don't want to hear: "I had a nice tall glass of tap water at the dive shop" while in Mexico (or Belize, Roatan...)

No, seriously, I showed this video to my mates at the university of sports in Vienna where we have a huge diving school, however, there are a lot of enthusiastic diving newbies .... but ... all of us, including me, nearly wet ourselves laughing watching this video .... well, into our wetsuits obviously (sorry for my English) 😂😉. Greetings from Vienna 😉. Cheers

If i spear a barracuda, can I bring him on board? Lol

Of course I have the requisite dive experience for this trip! Yup! I'm SuperDiver! Never mind that I haven't actually been diving in six years...or in this hemisphere...or in salt water...or with one of those fancy air tank thingies...ever.

Fantastic thanks! Can’t wait to do my first open water dives...in Cancún!

On the Fling, if you get locked out, your diving is over for at least 24 hours. Nextly, if I find spanish Bullion on the sea floor it will be going in my trophy cabinet until I can find a buyer in the black market or a museum that will procure it from me.

All rescue divers and above have just...... lol just passed my Rescue diver and I thought wtf... had to laugh..

I'm in diving for over 20 years now my best advice for somebody going on their first dive boat is when you're diving is done for the day a lot of times Rum gets broke out take it easy nobody wants to put up with a bumbling drunk that likes to ramble on about bulshit and making everybody feel uncomfortable I was stuck on a dive boat with a guy like this and we couldn't get away from him he became annoying if you want to drink go ahead stay in an all-inclusive resort and book a one-day dive trip don't drink on a dive boat

I love all the dive footage great vid 👍😊

i bloody love these videos ….but when you start laughing at them in the middle of a dive refering to them wwweelll! excellent guys n gal

Or when the captain don't believe you saying "ey mate you can't go now, 2 people aren't up from the dive yet." and he goes anyway. I as the dm had to argue with him for 15 minutes and demand him to count the divers again and he didn't believe me. 15 minutes later, the captain O.o.

That’s why I hang my mask on the tank valve

"whats this button do" *press*

The only thing I usually say on a boat: " I get seasick, let me just curl up in a corner and maybe throw my water bottle at me after I surface. Thank you in advance. I promise to puke in the water!" So far, every skipper treated me with kindness (and pity).

This got me laughing so hard. Thanks

Speaking of faild equipment I have to get my power inflator replaced on my BC it just disintegrated in my hand on my last dive seriously like the button fell off in the spring come out all the air dump out of my BC but all of my equipment is 20 years old now

Good job

A part two would be awsome!

I think I'd hate to hear, "I learned diving with the University of Phoenix method!"

LOL where's my buddy? True!!

Urr why can I hear air from my tank lol thanks for videos keep it up

Hello, I'm Gregory from the Canary Islands. :) I will personally start charging a fee for putting back the fins and keeping the cameras of others while they are diving. A buddy wanted to enter the wreck with just one fin, I do not know if he was so excited that he did not realize that he lost a fin or just thought that with only one fin was more than enough hahaha.

Did I just take your air bottle happened to me in the Florida Keys

That Mexican I ate for lunch was really good going down but now.....

Let's go for a classic, flippers, goggles, vest, oxygen tank

For one of my boat dives, our DM and Captain went crazy when one of the divers took out a banana from his bag.

OMG I’m laughing and crying at the same time, this is too funny cause it’s true...

"I just got this new computer, I don't really know how to work it yet"

At 2:07 get your fricking fins off the reef!

Most of my gear has its first dive in open water and only once had anything fail. Which isn't a problem as I just reverted to my backup and kept on going.

"Same day, same ocean. Must be buddies."

Can I give you guys videos i take during dives??

Paddy said to Murphy shall we go scuba diving today Murphy said its raining outside and our gear will get wet!

"You do it wrong. I know cause I 've done my course yesterday."

"My computer doesn't work any more. I will just stay with you...."

I was once on a boat in Mexico and a diver said to me while pointing at my SMB what’s that.

"We're gonna need a bigger boat"

Number 3, that's why I self med, no point paying a doctor fee if your gonna just ignore them when they tell you to stop. But seriously though 5 is just depressing

Where is that footage from?

"how do you use this stuff? I got it at a garage sell" that my favorite line when I'm attention seeking.

Anyone else spot the diver with an octo for a primary? Is that thing in some places? I mean I guess it works but seems odd🧐

Next time my buddy doesn't follow me up because I am an air hog, I am going to use number one.

Very funny 👍🏾👍🏾👍🏾👍🏾👍🏾

I am sure there is one item people leave or forget all together check lists are important

How common are the "no gloves" rule in dive boats? I can see that it can discourage grabby hand divers, but I sometimes get a hell of a workout gripping on to the rope barehanded as I do a deco stop and I am like a flag flapping in the wind from the uw currents.

My buddy is seasick, can I dive alone?

Still good advice..

Things not to say: there is something wrong with the toilet(Lew, Head). FIRE!

At 2:07, should he really have his orange dive knife dangling open...?

Haha i heard you can go to collage and take a diving class is that true ?

My first dive trip after getting certified was to Cozumel. The currents were so powerful that it was not possible to stay with a buddy. I did manage, just barely, to stay with the DM. I did not surface when I lost my buddy. Neither did he. I told the DM all this after the dive. He didn't seem to care. It was the same the whole trip. First dive of the day was to 80 feet and there was no way of staying with my buddy. (I told the DM before the first dive that I was just OW and had about 8 or 10 total dives logged and was supposed to stay above 60 feet. His response: "You'll be fine at 80 feet." This was a PADI shop.) I don't think I ever had an insta-buddy who cared if we were together or not. And I definitely never had a DM who expected me to know where my buddy was. I'm an old fart now and I don't scuba dive any more. Shallow freediving only.

"I got so drunk last night, anyone have a flask?"

This is a new computer does anyone know how to use it?

What who spends hours preparing their dive mask

I have a bushel of bananas in my dive bag

Been diving for 30 years and my favorite thing to say on the boat is, how does all this stuff work? I get lots of good looks. One thing that drives me crazy about what you said. I am not a guest on the boat. I am a paying customer. And many times the rules that the boat has does not fit with what I do during a dive. They should accommodate me instead of the other way. I set up my own gear how I want it. I make sure that I have my weights, I make sure that my air is on. All I need from the guy on the boat is to make sure I am happy with the dive. I am always responsible for my own safety.

"Oh, I forgot I had a recent cut, I hope sharks don't ont smell it hehehe"

hey!!

Add this one to part two please " hey everyone I just want y'all to know I'm a light weight drinker so my gage is set to one as 30 bars or more is wayyy too advanced, ok let's go diving because I'm ready 💪😊😉😀"!!!!!.

Lol

"we're allowed to flush the head with divers in the water right?"

It's ok we are diving off his or her dive computer.

It must be ok to say "get off the surface or get back on the boat, but get the F&#%k out of my way."

Singing French song « Il était un petit navire » !

“Sorry can you remind which is the inflate and which is the deflate?” Oh dear god…

"Bloody hell, I'm as rough as toast, you should of seen the drink I got through lastnight!", I imagine that's one. I'm doing a open water course now, and our pool sessions are late on, so, me, thinking I would be fine, inadvertently *cough* ended up drinking far too much the day before... And even though when I got to the pool, I felt fine to a certain degree, when I was doing exercises, boy was I wrong... It was hard, I suffered, I was using air like it was going out of fashion, getting cramp all the time, and the aches I had the next day were surreal... Major lesson learnt there, and if in the future I'm out in open water, and someone mentions they were out the night before, I'll be like "Oh dear"!!!

Paperwork suuuuuuucks!

Has anyone seen my flippers?

I shat my wetsuit, can I borrow one of yours? HAHAHAHAA!!!

"putting a nitrox senser close to the cylinder hole and trying it on fully" seriously we do have some stupid habits in this industry

Talking during briefing...

Look at that sucker! It's bigger than the boat.

One nitpick: Asking permission to come aboard (albeit informally) is still VERY important on dive boats. Before the divers board, hatches are often open. Every captain has a story of somebody falling and hurting themselves. It doesn't take an idiot either-it's remarkably easy to hurt yourself on a boat. The captain's most fundamental job is to save your ass. Help keep their job easy.

"Hey Guys, how do you think I'll almost kill myself on this trip?"

Most divers in bad vis places like uk don't come up when losing a buddy as it would make diving a very short experience...every boat & hundreds of dives & almost nobody insisted on returning to the surface if we split.the skipper generally says just go down with someone so he is covered.. Just use a twinset two knives two lights & don't push the limits.i know this isn't safe but it's not practical to spend the whole dive watching each other incase you drift 3 m away & disappear.so if I lose a buddy we just carry on.people who say well I won't dive with you the....good I don't want to void a dive because I lost you unless your under my supervision or very green then I'll stick with you..

Yelling shark as a joke when there's people in the water?

At 1:31 snorkel is on the diver's right side next to his reg...

"I know we said our dive plan was 40'-60' but I had had to drop down to 120 to look at effectively the same scenery that existed at 50#." My dive buddy didn't say this, but it is what he did. And he KNEW he was at that depth. For over 5 minutes. I'm glad the vis was good because I just floated at 50# watching him and getting more pissed off that he never once looked at or for me. Back on the boat, I kept my cool as best as possible but informed him that I wasn't happy. I told him if he ever blew the plan including completely ignoring me on another dive, I'd never dive with him again. This was like 2 day of 5 on a liveaboard. Happily he did better. He passed away a few years later in a paragliding incident, so I guess I really won't be diving with him again (or getting back the dive book I loaned him :) ).

Not everyone has access to a pool. lol. Just don't be stupid when testing new gear.

That sucks that your country doesnt allow you to keep stuff you find when diving

Those divers at 2:10 are STANDING ON THE BOTTOM!!!! Absolutely no trim and they are damaging where they are. Take their certification away!!!!!

Anyone want a banana?

Erm, I think I just clogged up the sea toilet.