6 Signs An Avoidant Likes You
Рет қаралды 138,438
Күн бұрынSigns an Emotionally Unavailable Man Likes You / DON’T MISS OUT ON LOVE! // If you’re reading this, you’re probably wondering: Can an emotionally unavailable man fall in love with me? I am happy to report, yes! Emotionally unavailable men can fall in love. But the challenge in learning how to get an emotionally unavailable guy to love you involves learning more about what does “emotional unavailability” mean, and how to spot an emotionally unavailable partner. This includes learning the 6 signs an emotionally unavailable man loves you. Plus, when it comes to assessing their potential as a partner, it will illustrate how to know if a guy is emotionally available, in the future, enough to meet your emotional needs.
For many women with anxious attachment, falling in love with an emotionally unavailable man and/or dating a dismissive avoidant partner can be confusing, frustrating, and difficult. But once you learn to recognize the signs an emotionally unavailable man likes you, loving an emotionally unavailable man becomes a lot easier, because you can start to feel and receive the love you so desperately want. Maybe they still come across as the strong silent type, but everything in their demeanor and actions suggest they care, the only remaining question is...how much?
In this video, first, you will learn more about emotionally unavailable partners, who are struggling with avoidant attachment style; sometimes called “dismissive avoidant attachment style” or “fearful avoidant attachment style.” Then, you’ll wanna stick around for the end, because I am going go over 6 signs an avoidant partner loves you, which will take you from confused to clear, over how much longer you might be willing to wait it out, and invest your heart.
Timestamps:
00:00 Intro
02:13 Definition for avoidant attachment
03:27 #1 - Breaks their own rules
04:24 #2 - Prefer to take things slow
05:32 #3 - Leave you alone in their space
07:02 #4 - Travel plans
07:44 #5 - Introduce you to family
08:29 #6 - Their Love Language
10:02 - Final Thoughts
14:57 - Continue your learning
15:13 - Next Weeks Video
15:29 - Last Week’s video
15:40 - Attachment styles quiz link
#signsanemotionallyunavailablemanlikesyou #emotionallyunavailablepartners #signsanavoidantpartnerlovesyou #brianamacwilliam
⭐WHAT ATTACHMENT STYLE ARE YOU?⭐
Take the quiz: bit.ly/4LuvStylesYT
OTHER WAYS TO CONNECT…
Instagram: @BrianaMacWilliam
Facebook group: / attachmentinadultrelat...
Website: www.brianamacwilliam.com/
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@brianamacwilliam.attachment 3 жыл бұрын
Do you recognize any of these six signs in your relationship? What dimensions of compatibility are most important to you? Leave a comment and let me know! And we can create more content like this.
@karmiedwinnell2803 3 жыл бұрын
Yes!! Exactly what I am experiencing and what I thought all of it meant!
@user-ls8qt4iq9s 3 жыл бұрын
Do you do private sessions?
@puiamdst1513 2 жыл бұрын
how can I have a meeting with you
@puiamdst1513 2 жыл бұрын
amongst all psychologist, you are the only one who described my situation ....please make a contact way for me, I really need you
@kamdenimran1313 2 жыл бұрын
I know Im randomly asking but does anyone know of a trick to get back into an instagram account?? I somehow lost the login password. I would appreciate any tips you can offer me
@thewholeworldiswatching 4 ай бұрын
Never dating another avoidant man again.
@genazittlow5657 4 ай бұрын
They are definitely hard to deal with and be with.
@kozy15x 3 жыл бұрын
oh yeah, DON"T MISS OUT! Don't miss out on someone who will make you question everything when they don't react to your affection. DONT MISS OUT on only getting a feeling of closeness when they do the BARE MINIMUM. don't miss out on someone who will detach and retreat when you need them most. DONT MISS OUT GUYS!!!!
@MAHAKALAXXXV 2 жыл бұрын
Yeap , I can understand the avoidant behaviour to a point and degree . However I believe that most avoidants need to do a lot of healing . Many of them are the way they are as the result of the way they were treated by their parents or those who raised them. I could describe my relationship with the avoidants as getting crumbs and too many head games , these people don’t even know if they love you or not when love is not just a feeling but the way we treat each other out of care and empathy . I also found that many avoidants starve the relationship from proper healthy intimacy as well as many of them seem to have some sort of pathological narcissistic traits where they cannot feel for their partner . For those who fall for the avoidants , when they dump you or give you crumbs remember you are worth much more than that . Those folks will go on with their life being lonely and most likely will bounce from a person to person unless they realize the folly of their unhealthy behaviour
@happyduck9223 2 жыл бұрын
Heads up if they still live with one or both of their parents interacting with them on a daily basis can make the DA even MORE avoidant. Re triggers them nonstop. Also: Avoidant people suffer the most when the relationship ends. Even if it was one of their typical "I'm going to use you as a human sex robot and than discard you after 3-6 months flings" Avoidants suffer with extreme jealously when the ex partners move on. They have intense emotions for love and intimacy and connection and repress all of them. They are terrified of these feelings and are largely unaware of them. Emotional exploration and closeness isn't safe to them. Not excuses, just reasons. Their loneliness will consume them. If you've ever been with a DA, I just want you to know that you are worthy, wonderful, lovable, and deserve all good things.
@psychosomatic106 2 жыл бұрын
@@happyduck9223 👌 Ty *An avoidant . Finally learning that other people r even affected much by my behaviours. ✌️🤍
@psychosomatic106 2 жыл бұрын
lm an avoidant. Please. In my case at least, l honestly feel less from me means less hurt from me too. I'm working hard to ... rebalance l guess? I'm not disagreeing with you, but l also think l have a lot to offer. It feels like you r segregating me for an evil trait. You don't even know me. 😟
@psychosomatic106 2 жыл бұрын
@@happyduck9223 hey.. brilliant point about the parents. That would be a constant negative reinforcement. 🥺
@alixborn2409 3 жыл бұрын
Thank you for reminding me why I will never engage with this type of character ever again.
@ninja23cat 3 жыл бұрын
YES!
@donnadozier4084 3 жыл бұрын
I agree
@Eyedocsri 3 жыл бұрын
Avoidant partners are like shy squirrels. If you want to feed a squirrel you can't chase after them coz they run away from you. Instead have the food in hand stay still and quiet and they come. Back to you to eat it off your hand 😁. But they wouldnt stick around to show gratitude or to be petted.
@psychosomatic106 2 жыл бұрын
@SrikanthEyedoc Wow. That's so sad. But yes.
@AubreyJuliet Жыл бұрын
🤣🤣🤣
@NMTDelightfulMusic Жыл бұрын
No, thank you :)))
@MrXtenzion Жыл бұрын
That's why you put the feed in the cage and turn them into your cute little caged pet ;)
@SongSingsSoprano Жыл бұрын
Who the kcuF would want to live life having to live like that?
@rhiannatalks 2 жыл бұрын
1. They break their own rules and show some internal conflict about it. 2. Expressed a need to take things slow 3. They leave you alone in their private spaces 4. They agree to make travel plans with you 5. They introduce you to their family or kids 6. Acts of service. Do they think of you in all plans they make?
@MW-fi7we Жыл бұрын
Simply put, he likes her but not enough. Stop overthinking it and move on!
@NMTDelightfulMusic Жыл бұрын
Yes, shallow emotions, not deep. Can not change their brain impairment! And they feel it is totally normal to be like that :)))
@Revolution-tl5wo 2 жыл бұрын
WHY would I care if an emotionally unavailable man likes me? He's not getting the time of day from me. I have absolutely no desire to spend one more minute of my life in relationships where I don't get my needs met, and someone else's insecure attachment issues are their problem to resolve, not mine. I'm done being part of peoples' healing process. Come to me with your shit together or not at all.
@GetLifeEnergy 2 жыл бұрын
I used to think that way, too, but newsflash- nobody has it completely together. We all have our issues. Every time I’ve had a partner who wasn’t avoidant they felt clingy and smothering- I don’t know if I’ve been had a 100% secure relationship either. Maybe with my 75 year old mentor- lol!
@debramoss2267 2 жыл бұрын
I think the same, no one is without a shadow, including ourselves, My mother, in her cheery positive times would say "the perfect person hasn't been born yet and their mother's dead " Have to say she's right. It is being aware of our boundaries and exceptions, what we can deal with happily and what would damage us.
@nichell2002 2 жыл бұрын
And that's how i stop lying to myself that my avoidant partner loves me. He never did.
@evadebruijn 2 жыл бұрын
❤️🤗❤️ This list also goes much deeper than the usual 'I'm here, aren't I' attitude of other rolling stone demystifying articles. It is so easy to gaslight yourself when this is really all you have to work with. I wish you defiant self love first and foremost ❣️✌️
@HoustonHoney 5 ай бұрын
Yeah, I’ll skip the Avoidant. They want to be alone, I’ll give it to them, permanently.
@TheModesC 4 ай бұрын
Most definitely. Mixed signals and too much stress.
@brymstar333 2 ай бұрын
They want to be alone when they're with you......and now happy since you & your nagging and complaining, have finally went away
@howtosober Жыл бұрын
Just the title is enough: "Signs an emotionally unavailable man likes you" followed by "Don't miss out on love..." With respect, I am 100% happy to miss out on ALL of the unavailable men and whatever limited bandwidth they have to transmit love for another person. I am also 100% happy to miss out on ALL the work I would have to do to get even a modicum of what I want out of a relationship with a person like this without it feeling one-sided. In fact, I'm missing out on it right now and it feels freaking fantastic.
@jessyon6274 3 жыл бұрын
I’m interested in being with someone who has their shit together. Whether it’s emotionally, or whatever. If I feel at any point confused or that I have to work for someone’s love, I’m out. I’m not sticking around to evaluate their fucked up ways of relating. I’ll find someone more compatible. Thanks though.
@psychosomatic106 2 жыл бұрын
thats some rigid boundaries right there. good luck. everyone is going to hurt you . you are going to have to work for love one day. ✌️
@shivanibhardwaj3457 Жыл бұрын
If he wanted to, he would’ve. That’s it.. just tired of being the girl that taught these people how to love only to be left and finding through insta that they met their soulmates. Where is my happy ending. So tired of being a mechanic and healing others while breaking myself in the process. Being the anxious one in the relationship can also be toxic. But I am conscious about it and working on communicating my needs and understanding theirs. If someone is not ready to do the same. I think it’s time to get used to their absence rather than breaking your soul with their presence.
@brianamacwilliam.attachment Жыл бұрын
Thank you for commenting and for sharing your experience, Shivani Bhardwaj. Sending you well wishes on your journey.
@Spiritfba 5 ай бұрын
I am in the process of divorcing an avoidant who used the excuse of his need for privacy and space to cheat on me for 4.5 years without me knowing. The whole “you can’t look at my phone because that’s the ONE PLACE I have just for me.” In my opinion, the avoidant’s desire for privacy is too risky and I’m listening to these videos so I can avoid the avoidants.
@DB-fb9et 2 жыл бұрын
So basically as usual the secure or anxiously attached have to do all the self reflection and internal legwork to see if the relationship will work out. We are forced to read into the avoidants behaviors instead of them being expected to step up and communicate clearly. Thanks, this video did make me realize its not worth it. Notice there are no comparable videos on how the avoidants can show up for their secure or anxious partners? Ex. How to tell to if your anxious partner really loves you? There isnt. Because we dont leave people guessing.
@walkingwithjesus1353 2 жыл бұрын
Amen....we have the decency to be honest and show how we feel..no mind games and emotional traumatizing nonsense.... I cheated on my avoident because i have no emotional connection. I am devastated that I didn't feel like a traitor...then i realized...what traitor? We have to have someone in order to betray. Please leave these people guys...gals.... you end up breaking your own spirit and moral codes in desperation for love and validation of any sort.
@peg1518 2 жыл бұрын
Amen!
@dannywholuv 2 жыл бұрын
Madness isnt it. A relationship is a two way street. Anything other than that wont work.
@snatchedwig4251 Жыл бұрын
I have dumped the man i loved so much for many years because of this behaviour.. ignoring me for days weeks or months and treating me like a stranger and sometimes even less and then comes back to ask for another chance, I stayed because i loved him and believed in his words that he just needed to take a brake away from me to “heal” and he will change but the last time i just lost all of my respect to him and knew that I would lose the respect to myself if i ever gave him another chance to treat me like that again … for the first time in my life i said no and stood out for myself I’m still broken but I don’t regret my decision
@FitLikeaPhoenix 11 ай бұрын
You sound exactly like how I'm feeling right now!!!!!
@stormvet3806 11 ай бұрын
Oh my goodness! You could be me talking. Off and on for seven years and I finally pulled the plug in March. It wasn’t easy but the humiliation of being ignored so much of the time left me no choice.
@snatchedwig4251 11 ай бұрын
@@stormvet3806 omg mine was 7 years as well .. i know exactly how u feel Reall hope that you’re doing well now🤍
@kathleenhebert2278 9 ай бұрын
Keep up the good work! Stay strong for your own sanity and peace! Too many other fish 🐠 in the sea! I also have been waking in these 👟👟
@snatchedwig4251 9 ай бұрын
@@kathleenhebert2278 Thank you so much🩵 hope things will be better for u as well
@brandonf24 3 жыл бұрын
Yeah...don't sacrifice your identity or needs. Walk away from an avoidant. 😊👍 You'll feel sooooo much better. I don't have patience for them...found this channel at the end of a five year relationship with one. Dated another a month or so ago. She had a faux persona incapable of real intimacy, would never kiss back or take initiative to engage, and then there were the major chasms of cultural issues on top of it (trivial ex. her hair...omfg never again).
@jinseyebrows2597 3 жыл бұрын
You did very good. Life is too short to be waiting around for people like that. All the best x
@themacocko6311 3 жыл бұрын
@@jinseyebrows2597 Those dirty Fuckers need to be burned at the stake!
@reneenz464 2 жыл бұрын
@@themacocko6311 now that's a pretty unnecessary comment and quite childish in my opinion.
@Adelina24244 Жыл бұрын
Told me he doesn’t want a relationship but wants to still communicate 😣but is hardly even putting in effort now. I deleted him
@jjc2323 2 жыл бұрын
I love him but this is too much. I think we all need to ask ourselves if this is what we really want. I feel bad for these avoidants. Especially the ones who are not aware what they are.
@samelis6546 4 ай бұрын
Female DA here, thank you for being so accurate that I can learn a lot about myself freely via yt. I am finally able to keep a relationship after spending years learning how to deal with being a DA. However, the comment section is still the most hurtful part of watching DA videos.
@IndiaIvana 8 күн бұрын
It's the trail of broken hearts you all have left. It is EXHAUSTING. I'm sorry, I really am but I spent over 6 years in therapy becoming securely attached and even I don't have the patience long term to constantly be shut out because we emotionally connected for a day.
@marianneduong8845 6 ай бұрын
He's broken his own rules. He only wanted to see eachother once a week. It became 2,3,4 times a week at times. He didnt want to talk all the tim bc he was afraid we'd get bored of eachother yet he broke his own rule to make me happy. He takes it slow. He's left me in his private space. He's made travel plans with me. Acts of service is his specialty, but I still haven't met his family.
@johncardinal5220 22 күн бұрын
Run if you meet this personality they will send you crazy. When my wife left and figured her out after 14yrs. I will never take her back way to hard and really sad way to live. Life's to short for games.
@VikasChandParasPoems 9 күн бұрын
Seriously yes
@ck6418 2 жыл бұрын
He did all these things, but was still talking to and seeing other women on the side..... so it really didn't matter the progress I made. His avoidant behavior manifested in other forms.
@ieshabrown4707 2 жыл бұрын
I’m done playing this game with him . Since I started to move on with someone else now the AAS guy is now calling me baby & babe saying he wants to talk about us … I’ve played this draining game with him for 2 years and now I’m totally done ✌🏽
@deesnuts90210 2 жыл бұрын
Run!
@HandmadeItalianLeather Жыл бұрын
How come they had no problem showing feelings, being vulnerable and pretty much being AP in the beginning? Why does it never go past 4 months!?
@howtosober Жыл бұрын
Because DAs absolutely love the power struggle stage of relationships. They kick the relationship out of dating and honeymoon into power struggle as fast as they can because it's where they are most comfortable, then they just live there. Good luck getting out of power struggle and into stability, commitment, or bliss with a DA. This channel and others provide ways to do that, but for myself, I'm not willing to work that hard for someone ever again. *I strongly recommend Personal Development School and Heidi Priebe for other, in-depth, more detailed resources on these dynamics.
@aqua6613 Жыл бұрын
Not all of them do...if they have narcissistic tendencies then absolutely the "relarionship" is all about power and control etc. I thought the same of my DA...until I looked behind the facade of his actions. He's emotionally traumatized by his narcissistic mother and then some added on ptsd and childhood trauma. That coldness I was experiencing with him was actually anxiety! Like he would literally freeze up and once curled up in the corner of the bed. Not like a 38 year old man who is off to playing games....I had triggered something in him that made him regret into like a 5 year old. People don't always talk openly about molestation or abuse. Do those people deserve to be loved and validated and understood too? We would hope that if we were a victim of such that we could find someone who could look past our own triggers and erratic actions and see them for what they are...trauma responses and love us despite of it all. I'll always love him and at 44 I am past the societal socio economical pressures of marriage and starting a family and other stuff I fell victim to in my life aswell. It's things that come through understanding and maturity past the level of getting ones own needs met. I can meet my own needs and I can fill my own cup...let me pour some out of my own abundance or better yet find a way that a person who has been misunderstood and damaged for years to love themselves and to be free to give and recieve love and feel safe.
@NMTDelightfulMusic Жыл бұрын
Look at my previous answer....
@louisenairpyc6813 Жыл бұрын
Don't ride it out. I've spent 10+yrs TRYING to get my DA " partner" (bc we never used labels). From 32...I'm 46 and we're NO closer than we were when we 1st met. If you don't have the emotional or mental health to put up with this, don't WASTE YOUR LIFE LOVING ONE SIDED. He showed all these signs BUT always wondering and being told I'm "insecure " when I ask...too much.
@Heyu7her3 Жыл бұрын
Now, I don't see where she's saying to wait over a decade for something to work, particularly if the other person is actively working on it. This shouldn't take more than 2 years...
@howtosober Жыл бұрын
In my experience, the juice is simply never worth the squeeze.
@Adelina24244 Жыл бұрын
Told me he doesn’t want a relationship but wants to still communicate 😣but is hardly even putting in effort now. I deleted him
@MrXtenzion Жыл бұрын
I watched an old Arnie movie and when he yelled out 'get to da choppa' I felt there was so much wisdom there. I wished I would have got the hell out of there just as quickly as Arnie!
@TheCommonCore 2 жыл бұрын
These comments could greatly benefit from more positivity. Secure attachment and relationships are completely possible for everyone and I wish you all the best of luck. Thank you for your info and effort Briana!
@BruceJC75 5 ай бұрын
Her avoidance and emotional repression is the result of being married to a narcissist. I’m fully aware of the walls, but the fact that she’s been open about it is huge. We openly say that we love each other and I truly believe that we are bringing each other increasingly to a healthier emotional place. I’m slowly drawing her out of avoidance and she’s drawing me out of insecurity. (Update): I really need my life to stop being so ironic… five days later the discard happened…
@angelam81 Жыл бұрын
🤣😂🤣 I am a rolling stone and other rolling stones are comfy for me. The love languages segment is so accurate! Cuddle phobe...yep. if I let someone cuddle me, I'm really letting down my guard. If you come to my home, you've hit the next level. Meet my family? You may be marriage material. And in totally understand this. Cracks me up! Two rolling stones together...if we were any slower, it would be going backwards. Relationships feel like walking on thin ice and I need one foot out the door... until I'm secure. Then I have to try not to be an open heart. Which is why I protect myself this way. And yes...words ARE cheap. I believe actions.
@dannywholuv 2 жыл бұрын
Conflict is almost certain with these types. Question is, do they have the skills to open up and talk about it after? If not i guess the relationship is doomed. Communication in relationships is like air for breathing. Essential.
@joannegild8001 Жыл бұрын
This happened to me. I just stayed cool for a while, but after another 2 months, I told him I wasn’t interested in continuing the relationship. It really got his attention. We are in our 11th month now and I couldn’t be happier.
@nikitasolaya697 Жыл бұрын
Oooh can you explain this more please
@joannegild8001 Жыл бұрын
@@nikitasolaya697 Not sure. I was surprised, because I thought I was ending the relationship. I always used a calm, matter-of-fact tone and was never critical in the slightest. If he said “You’re trying to change me” I would say I’m working on my own childhood issues (which I was). When I told him I was leaving he asked if we could talk. At first I said no, but he said “Please, “ so we met in a restaurant and I brought a list of 3 things that were deal-breakers unless fixed, and the main one was more communication. We’re still happily together after 14 months. I ask for what I want or need in a straightforward way, not thinking he owes me, just what I would like.
@nikitasolaya697 Жыл бұрын
@@joannegild8001 that is amazing and I’m really happy for you. I want to “stay cool” for a month. Not bring up any concerns or anxieties as I know my partner gives me what I need more when he doesn’t feel pressure and he doesn’t feel I’m unhappy (basically anytime I have a discussion when I calmly express an issue he withdraws and our relationship loses its momentum for a while). But I feel if after that month I don’t see improvements on his side and I were to end it, he would then just say he feels blindsided as he thought everything was going great. (He never checks in and asks how I’m doing hence why I have to be the one to bring up these tough convos sometimes which ya like I said just disrupt everything)
@joannegild8001 Жыл бұрын
@@nikitasolaya697 I understand how frustrated you must be. If you’re not ready to tell him goodbye, then I’m rooting for you!
@MrXtenzion Жыл бұрын
This is the 180 degree flip, I had this working once myself, I was breaking up and walking away and the dynamic completely changed. The second time I did it with another avoidant partners the flip was only temporarily and it wasn't long until the old dynamic was back. I ended up showing her the door.
@r.bishop1127 2 жыл бұрын
This is all so insane. Spent 13 years with a covert NPD. Then met an amazing avoidant. He was so amazing for 4 months. Gifts time amazing dates everything was amazing. We spoke about everything including the future. Met his family his kid. It all actually went really fast. Then suddenly he needed to slow down. Text that were daily got super weird aloof and detached. Well I reacted and called it out. That ultimately caused it to end. Now he says that he's just so busy needs to organize his life blah blah. His life is exactly as it was before I entered it and hes so rigid that I know it won't change. Yet he still wants to talk to me. I'm observing it now because its insane. I sent an article to him about this type of attachment style and he said "that sounds like me". I thought I was getting love bombed by another NPD. But now idk and idk if I have much more energy to care. I really like him but this is a new level of nutty.
@lucijatolic5714 2 жыл бұрын
Same thing, me and my person got distant because he literally ghosted when i pointed it out that his energy in mssgs is different. He popped up 3 months later telling me he's sorry and that we'll talk soon, got back to me 2 months after that but i got so pissed i rejected him, now a year and a half later we are finally slowly talking about what went wrong because we both realised we care for each other deeply and have deep feelings for each other even after everything and so much time and emotions. My advice is; dont force anything and make sure you prioritise your time. Dont be rejective if they come back but still dont cross any of your own boundaries.
@trishlabar5176 2 жыл бұрын
Exactly my situation. It’s so difficult to navigate when I’m an emotional anxious attachment style. 😫😫
@CF-kj4pm 3 жыл бұрын
Spot on. Thank you for sharing this
@mamiecollins6166 3 жыл бұрын
Spot on! Thank you
@saamiakhan8115 3 жыл бұрын
This is so true as I’m anxious and the person I’m involved is emotionally unavailable. Thanks
@MMm-le7jj 3 жыл бұрын
Thankyou for this topic . 🥇
@nicknoyb8067 2 жыл бұрын
I was almost ready to call it quits with my girlfriend even though it's the last thing I want. She means the world to me. I realize now that she has been showing signs of major growth and I'm definitely the opposite personality type and was overthinking, possibly overwhelming her with my comments and actions
@TheGoby 3 жыл бұрын
I’m going through this now. Eureka! This is incredibly helpful!
@aivytran7754 2 жыл бұрын
Why can't it be that when he disappears and pull away he's actually cheating instead of isolating and avoiding emotional intimacy?
@user-kg8uq9es3u 2 жыл бұрын
He/she could be. But that’s out of your control. So getting lost in that headspace will only make things worse. If they’re cheating, they will eventually implode from their guilt
@Purpleiciousbabe 7 ай бұрын
How sad 😔!!! I pray for anyone broken! Nothing so exciting about this.
@longcovidwarrior Жыл бұрын
I’m so grateful for this video, thank you x
@belleofthecamp6530 18 күн бұрын
Excellent questions regarding compatibility!!
@Stella-cv4mc 3 жыл бұрын
Another great video, thank you Briana 🌹❤️
@AnnaEllie13 3 жыл бұрын
Thank you for a great video. Very helpful ❤️
@nitaBist 3 жыл бұрын
This has been the best video I have watched regarding avoidant partners. Very insightful and useful. Thank you
@Lenc324 3 жыл бұрын
This video was very helpful.
@SK-no2pp 3 жыл бұрын
I’m very excited for next weeks video
@marqann 2 жыл бұрын
Explains why my rolling stone don't compliment me a lot..
@magicisreal111 7 ай бұрын
Thank you. This is so spot on. Related with every point. Your videos are so helpful!
@JonathanRuiz Жыл бұрын
They can love you all they want and have all these signs, their damaged ass will still break up with you 🥲
@irenebuford8930 3 жыл бұрын
Many emotionally available men will be narcissist and will string women along for years to come... If a man is hot and cold there is a high chance he may have narcissist personality disorder... There are different types of narcissist, a narcissist can't love, not in the right way... I would not entertain an avoidant partner... You will never have to struggle to know if someone loves you... You are not intentionally setting people up for failure, however if the man or woman is hooked up with a narcissist, this advice even though well intentioned from you can lead them down a risky road... Great job on your detail oriented video...
@OneDanae 3 жыл бұрын
Good points. Hard to distinguish at times but this one is different from the narcissist I married. This is much more covert, and lacking the grandiose attitude. Still, you are correct - just let them go. If they aren't seeking help to overcome some of this stuff, or give no indication that they desire change you will find yourself frustrated. Can't even fully say I like the guy since I know pretty much NOTHING about him. I knew enough to WANT to know about him, but he's not about to let me in so...*shrugs*.
@irenebuford8930 3 жыл бұрын
@@OneDanae I absolutely agree with you 100 percent...
@rebeccaklingemann6625 5 ай бұрын
I’ve experienced everything you have talked about with my avoiding partner
@annajessicapintodeandrade8106 8 ай бұрын
My "boyfriend" did all of that and then started being cold and I felt insecure and needy and he broke up with me. I went no contact for 5 months and now we got back together. In that time I had a chance to study about attachment styles and worked on my self esteem. Now things are going more smoothly since I can have an empathy for his Very slow pace. He is more sexual now, but I feel him avoiding kissing. I'm trying to have patience, but still struggling to understand if I'm receiving bread crumbs again. I want him to kiss me more, without pressuring and falling into de avoidingXanxius trap again. He is a great guy, we get along fine....but he doesn't talk about feelings and the status of the relationship. And I also feel resentful since he came back into my life, like im available with no consequences.
@brianamacwilliam.attachment 8 ай бұрын
It sounds like you've done some important personal growth during your time apart, especially in understanding attachment styles and bolstering your self-esteem. That's fantastic and will serve you well in any relationship. But it's also clear that you have valid concerns about the emotional depth and reciprocity in this renewed relationship. The absence of kissing and reluctance to talk about feelings could be signs that he's keeping emotional intimacy at bay. These might be his coping mechanisms, especially if he has his own attachment issues or past traumas. Your newfound empathy for his slow pace is valuable, but remember, a relationship needs to meet your emotional needs as well. If you're concerned about receiving "bread crumbs" again, it may be helpful to have a calm, open discussion about each other's expectations and needs. If direct conversation makes him uncomfortable, you could approach it subtly-perhaps by sharing an article about relationship dynamics and asking for his thoughts. The key here is not to pressurize but to invite conversation. If he remains unresponsive, you might have to assess whether this relationship can offer you the emotional satisfaction you need. Feeling resentful and like you're available without consequences could be your intuition signaling that your needs aren't being fully met. Listen to that. You deserve a relationship where both parties are invested emotionally and willing to work through issues together. 💖
@SSaha-jl8tj 3 жыл бұрын
You knowledge is amazing
@edgreen8140 3 жыл бұрын
If there just avoidant thats fine as long as they aren't narcissitic.
@whiterobin01 2 жыл бұрын
Yes, he wants to take things slow. Three years later, still snail pace. After 3 years, I finally met his son and ex wife.
@joannedomingo2398 Жыл бұрын
I’m so glad I found your video! Oh gosh I’m hurting. I’m involved with an avoidant.
@brianamacwilliam.attachment Жыл бұрын
Thank you for commenting and for sharing your experience, Joanne Domingo. Sending you well wishes on your journey.
@arabchic7855 Жыл бұрын
If your needs ain’t met like your meeting their needs leave !!!!!!!!!!!!!
@breemds 11 ай бұрын
Wow!!! So true! After family dinner, he was so triggered by them. Thankfully I kept my confidence.
@brianamacwilliam.attachment 8 ай бұрын
Thank you so much for your comment! I'm glad you found the video relatable. It's important to hold onto our confidence, especially in challenging situations like family dinners.
@osml2.0 3 жыл бұрын
ALL OF THE CONTENT IS SPOT ON FOR BOTH ANXIOUS AND DISMISSIVES.
@mlkennedy67111 6 ай бұрын
This was very helpful. These signs are very clear and measurable: I especially appreciate the info regarding meeting family. Due to the self-esteem issues I'm working on, I just assume that I'm the reason why I haven't been invited to meet family and friends from out of state. Never crossed my mind that he might be afraid of them running me off, lol. The good news is, after a slow and steady relationship of 5 yrs, he invited me out of state and I'll get to meet his gang from back home this holiday season. I'm so excited! And thanks for the heads-up regarding his possible demeanor thereafter. Found this video at the right time! Thank you! 😘❤️
@FitLikeaPhoenix 11 ай бұрын
This was honestly one of the top videos ive watched on this subject; thorough in both facts and context.
@brianamacwilliam.attachment 8 ай бұрын
@ABC28155 Glad you liked this video! Thank you for commenting.
@apple4914 3 жыл бұрын
I like the video. Thanks
@Virvepaulina Жыл бұрын
What I am learning is that I have avoidant tendencies 😂
@comic_life_86 4 ай бұрын
OK! This is very mind-blowing!!! He has been braking his rules for me! He has been taking is slow! He has taken me in his private spaces! This is so relieving video! Thank you!! And yes with travel!!! WOW!!!! I am going crazy with this! He introduced me to his family and told about me to his children! And even yes on love languages!
@katchacomo 3 жыл бұрын
Wow!! Needed this! Especially after 10 mins
@brianamacwilliam.attachment 3 жыл бұрын
Opal Elysium 💛💝✌ glad it resonates!
@tess7798 6 ай бұрын
This is an extraordinarily helpful video. Thank you!
@brianamacwilliam.attachment 6 ай бұрын
Glad it was helpful!
@gregkral4467 2 ай бұрын
Thanks for the vid. Helps me figure out where things went all wrong, being the avoidant, just heard about it today, didn't know there was a term for it, always thought careful hermit like... on gaurd for next betrayal or danger....lots of it sound just like how i acted, small things mean a lot, and is a lot of trust to show, gotta be wary of trust, hurts when broken too dang much...gonna check out which kind i am, i think it all started fearful type from youth experiences, then turned eventually dismissive in some areas. Gonna figure this out. Maybe will help be able to talk to kids again.
@annesom5648 3 жыл бұрын
Wow all of this, and the explanation behind the love language almost made my eyes wet. And yes, he is going above and beyond to show what he has a hard time saying. And good thing I value my freedom as much as value his and I am in zero rush. This journey is just too beautiful and I am learning so much.
@shalalala868 2 жыл бұрын
How's it going?
@annewellmann8867 3 жыл бұрын
Thank you for sharing your insights, Briana! I love how smart, strong and sensitive you speak and act as "my" coach/therapist. Every one of your videos I have ever watched has been helpful to me. Your work is an inspiration! I hope you and your loved ones are healthy. Sending you lots of love from Berlin! 💚
@themacocko6311 3 жыл бұрын
Well, anybody is "smart, strong and sensitive" for a price. Give me your money, I'll tell you what you want to hear...
@themacocko6311 3 жыл бұрын
If you haven't guessed she's a con-artist. She can't tell you anything that an hour in the library can't tell you.
@23384linda 3 жыл бұрын
Wonderful content😀🤩
@phatato 3 жыл бұрын
Omg I soooo wish this video was around 6 years ago when I was so blind to all this and my anxiously attached ass broke up with my love because I couldn't handle not knowing exactly how they felt about me. Sad experience but thank you for sharing your wisdom!
@rhondastirewalt3801 10 ай бұрын
Wow , I needed this
@brianamacwilliam.attachment 9 ай бұрын
Rhonda Stirewalt Thank you for commenting. I’m glad the content has been helpful!
@patricial8753 2 жыл бұрын
Wow this all makes sense to me now I’m involved with a avoidant personality guy
@patriciacolbert1263 2 жыл бұрын
He has taken me one several trios with him.. yes I met his family and he gave me a key to his apartment and I have stayed there alone while he was at work.. he was very generous with gifts and cuddles alot.
@part-timephilosopherLol 2 жыл бұрын
adorable. so great :)
@mychalrosales3092 3 жыл бұрын
Tim pipes me down with his Timbur!!!!!
@anaaloe Жыл бұрын
Hit the nail on the head.
@MrXtenzion Жыл бұрын
Hit the nail on the head of the avoidant?
@PaigeSquared 2 жыл бұрын
He called me before accepting an out of town gig, that made me take a step back, "wow!" The apartment scenario is relatable too, I knew it was a big deal when I was finally invited in. When I got to stay over, the next morning it did seem like I crossed a line by straightening up (I made a part of the mess, too, I felt responsible!) I was able to communicate that I was attempting to perform an act of service and that it wasn't something that should be shameful and that I wasn't snooping. I have codependent tendencies, so I am being careful moving forward. I want to make sure that we build a foundation of real trust. We spend weekends together, and decided that during the week we both want some time and space. I was worried I would dive in too fast, I don't want to continue any bad habits from my last relationship.
@GetLifeEnergy 2 жыл бұрын
How about when you’ve been with an avoidant type for 5 years and still having a hard time getting them to commit to plans in the future? Or even talk about what they want? We’ve gotten to the 3-6 months out level, but talking about a 2-3 year plan is our best and required therapy. 🤦🏻♀️ (Trying to buy a house) omg! These slow baby steps can be maddening. But I know I am loved as actions are much louder than words- Glad I found your channel. 🙏
@7babi3 2 жыл бұрын
Yes, probably those are signs of a possible positive result. In my experience I still haven’t find out if he was avoidant or narcissist. Narcissistic surely. But after years of being delicate and patient he went in panic when I had to face the most difficult lost of my life, a tough period. Well, he started looking at girls on Instagram and then disappeared. He came back a few times, also recently. He said he has never be in love in his life, but since I am alone we could spend more time together...! I said no, thank you. There were not signs of real awareness. It is another important factor to look at: his behavior when you’re fronting tough problems of life.
@bygracethroughfaith589 3 жыл бұрын
Wow well done
@amycarroll5659 3 жыл бұрын
Damn you’re smart
@kingaberlakovich5585 7 ай бұрын
I meet my avoidant “partner” now for 7 months. It’s a long distance relationship, so we see each other every 2-3 weeks. In the first time there was no real contact on the phone, if I bagged for it, the answer was : one’s a week should be enough. Now, we speak sometimes 2-3 times a day ( I call, but he is always kind). He wanted me to spend the whole weekend together from the beginning, and we do so for 6 months. He left me alone in his apartment and he took me to one day trips. He opened up emotional (about his struggles and anxiety), and as an anxious I had some hysterical moments and he still wants this connection, but said “ take things slowly “. Sometimes I am in his planes sometimes not that much. It’s confusing. Ones he said he need time and space, and I said I give it to him: than he called in seconds to say , he didn’t mean it like that. I hope this are good things. I really like him, he is empathetic and intelligent and has a big heart, so I am patient, but not forever.
@shebutter3195 3 жыл бұрын
My DA ex just excused himself from the relationship stating I deserved better and he was under stress. The sad part is I never felt like this I just adapted to his ways and stopped complaining and then I got left. Maybe I should’ve stayed true to myself and it wouldn’t have made a difference
@alexandrachirila1917 3 жыл бұрын
your first sentence-my situation as well..but i really wish him back. we will see
@shebutter3195 3 жыл бұрын
It’s been a about a week for me how long for you?
@alexandrachirila1917 3 жыл бұрын
@@shebutter3195 almost 4 weeks. I'm in no contact and i don't know how to proceed in the near future
@shebutter3195 3 жыл бұрын
They say fall back into your feminine energy and do nothing. We are supposed to be receivers and men doers. I would give him a time frame in your head and if he doesn’t reach out within the next month or so I would move on. We can’t wait for them to see our value. I’m so sorry it’s hard but we have to see what we mean to them.
@sagittariusblitzify 3 жыл бұрын
Same
@Michelle-qq4sd 2 жыл бұрын
When my avoidant asked me on vacation And to meet his family, I was shocked. We talked on the phone a lot or were with groups of people but rarely spent one on one time together. So I did not feel comfortable going away with him.
@TheCoffeeCat 3 жыл бұрын
That was one of the most concise videos I've watched on the DA. I wish I had known all of this 4 years ago. It would have saved me so much emotional pain, effort, work, trouble, expenses and heartbreak. And I would have been near people who loved me, and not completely alone, during this pandemic. I feel traumatized, scarred, and I am deathly afraid of relationships now.
@themacocko6311 3 жыл бұрын
Yeah. Nice poem.
@TheCoffeeCat 3 жыл бұрын
Thanks. Your haiku is quite good, too.
@MAHAKALAXXXV 2 жыл бұрын
You should be deathly scared of relationships with toxic people but not with people who are loving and accepting of you and treat you with as much love as you give off . Generalized fear is nothing but a false belief that it is all the same , in life we have to be willing to get hurt , dirty and feel all range of emotions , believing we can get stronger wiser and more loving as the result , otherwise living in a shell is not good either , we have to be ourselves and let our love shine from within and learn that most of our unmet needs come from within our heart and soul not another human being who may or may not be healthy mentally and or emotionally
@kyrareneeLOA Жыл бұрын
Oh Brianna there are three reasons love, 7:45 about introducing to the family... If my family did not like my partner, that means I am cutting off the family. (if one loves the partner and sees it for life)... so I will wait, till my partner "a very upbeat anxious style" and I are solid, I have a very avoidant but polite private family. My family will judge them to death. Then lecture me on all the things they judge. I may have to block out the family who are brutally judgmental. If I wait, my family will see the value and the commitment more. I am a healthy / avoidant with years of practice. 🥰
@jimkeady4698 3 жыл бұрын
Excellent video. Only constructive criticism is the gender roles you assigned. There are PLENTY of avoidant females out there as well and they do just as much damage to men with their unconscious avoidant ways. Ok, second constructive criticism... Can someone in this therapeutic arena just once say to the dismissive avoidants... “Yes, you are a huge part of the problem here. You need to work on healing your trauma(s). It’s not ‘everyone else’ that’s the problem, it’s you. Do your work and heal. You’re hurting the very people you claim to love and want intimacy with because your inner child that animates you is TERRIFIED of real intimacy.” Please, just once, stop telling anxious and secure people how to navigate these folks and put the onus on the avoidants to do their healing work. Peace, JWK
@ShawnFin 3 жыл бұрын
Great points and well said. I also am tired of the general mantra of teaching others how to walk on eggshells around such a neurodivergent individual. But then again, that's the business... to give hope and sell coursework. The irony, was that if you had hired a psychologist and were in individual therapy for yourself, your therapist would straight up tell you that this person does not meet your needs and to walk away, instead of making you feel like you needed to lower YOUR healthy standards and engage in an abusive and unfulfilling relationship dynamic.
@Magnoliasdiary 3 жыл бұрын
Yep, I'm a fearful avoidant woman working on myself.
@unknownartistOo 3 жыл бұрын
@@ShawnFin I agree with you 100%. Spot on.
@MAHAKALAXXXV 2 жыл бұрын
Yeap well said , avoidant individuals need to heal their root causes of their mental issues , so do the anxious as well. However you made an excellent point about how we should just let these individuals do their healing and never lower our standards for crumbs . Life moves on and we are better without these unhealthy mentally people and this is not a dismissive judgement but the truth because being with these people is so destructive and harmful I find from my experience I felt mentally depressed and unstable afterwards , questioning myself and my desire to live . I wander how many people ended committing suicide because of these unhealthy nut cases who are devoid of empathy and just abandon those who love them and I find nothing is more painful than being a abandoned , neglected , rejected , judged and dismissed when you open your heart to love another person in my case a a woman .
@CuddleClaw. 11 ай бұрын
My guy has: -Left me alone in his place and also left his phone out. -he does break his own rules for me -he has wanted to go slow -he sends me photos of himself with his family members. So far I haven’t been invited to meet anyone. He did meet my parents (to vet me) -no travel plans. But we have spent a good 8 straight hours awake together multiple times -service, touch, gift, time. Yes words are hard for him. I wrote him long letters expressing my feelings. He takes a few days of space, then he lets me know he read it by things he says. He’s very uncomfortable with words tho. He has made me dinner and lots of other things. -he is used the word “we”… he makes efforts to put his leg on mine and so things I tell him I want/need
@brianamacwilliam.attachment 9 ай бұрын
It sounds like your guy is displaying some signs of avoidant attachment but is also making efforts to connect with you in his own way. Communication may be a challenge for him, but his actions show he cares. Keep nurturing the connection and allow it to develop at its own pace. Patience and understanding can go a long way in building a healthy relationship. 😊
@MxDudeeee 3 жыл бұрын
Love how her own video was the ad to her video 😂
@edgreen8140 3 жыл бұрын
You can change you attachment style. But difficult w dismissive avoidant of f60.81 narcissistic personality disorder. You can change your attachment style w therapy. But dismissive avoidant narcissistic personality and demonstrate alexithymia (they don't know how they feel or how you feel).
@dawnevans0602 2 жыл бұрын
I have experienced this lately and it's very confusing! Their behavior reminds me kind of like a Narcissist. I met someone that treats me like a Queen when we are present, then when I leave I barely hear from him or he says I don't need to explain to him what I doing etc. He can't give me straight answers about where this is heading, but treats me better than my husband or any other man I have ever met. It's confusing
@psychosomatic106 2 жыл бұрын
If this man is an avoidant but seems a kind, honest person, he's not playing you. he likes you a lot and is probs striving with the ever present mantra that he can't do love "right" and it's best to give you plenty of opportunities to find something better. even tho the thought of that tears him apart.
@sshuteandrew 2 жыл бұрын
@@psychosomatic106 The problem is the avoidant needs to believe to be successful in relationships. Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you’re right. Their own doubts sabotage and rob them of happiness.
@psychosomatic106 2 жыл бұрын
@@sshuteandrew troo dat. 😔
@r.bishop1127 2 жыл бұрын
This is so bang on. It does seem similar to NPD
@TheSistersGamers234 Жыл бұрын
This would have been so helpful 16 years ago! Even more recently, but luckily for us, we understand each other now. We're both avoidant?
@dominiquecadet5976 3 ай бұрын
He broke a lot of rules. Everything seemed to be going well until he ghosted me 😢😢
@Freedomexpresstrain 2 ай бұрын
They are scarred, mine isn't afraid to say that but it gets too wishy washy.
@MagicApple03 2 жыл бұрын
I'm an avoidant, thanks for posting this. My husband and I have been married for 7 years, it's a struggle (not always). But I see so many wanting to run away from us (who often have trauma too), but okay with running towards a nicer looking trauma. If that makes sense. Please be patient with us, it's scary and it means a lot when we try!!!
@MAHAKALAXXXV 2 жыл бұрын
7years of struggle , I wander why
@MagicApple03 2 жыл бұрын
@@MAHAKALAXXXV Everyone is different, with their own struggles. I don't see why you need to come after someone just because their avoidant attachment. 😔
@MAHAKALAXXXV 2 жыл бұрын
@@MagicApple03 let me put it this way , what you just said makes little to no sense as you put personal interpretation on what I said and no where did I indicate that I was coming down on someone avoidant . The truth be said if you are avoidant or anxious you have got some serious work and transformation and and healing to do , it is not a judgement but a fact that must be taken seriously as being avoidant results in major hurt to other people and trust me you don’t want it be on the receiving end of the relationship with someone who is avoidant . So not sure what you are talking about but please don’t put words in my mouth I did not say I don’t appreciate it . Thanks
@MagicApple03 2 жыл бұрын
@@MAHAKALAXXXV You said that it was a struggle, mostly because of myself being avoidant. Your 'wonder why' commentary. Just being someone is avoidant it doesn't mean that it's all on me (or any avoidant attachment person) if a relationship is a struggle or not, that is what I meant. So much of the comments are as if we are bad people to even try and be in a relationship, and it's quite disheartening. I am not mad with you or anything, trying to explain better. From what your first reply said, it seemed like that.
@MAHAKALAXXXV 2 жыл бұрын
@@MagicApple03 hey Ky , being avoidant does not make one good or bad it just makes the person avoidant of properly being intimate and loving their partner . This can occur for many reasons such as some sort hurt or trauma that occurred during childhood , or bad relationships or some sort with former partners or a partner who may unknowingly cause one to open and then to close by being hot and cold which can also result in a protective mechanism we call avoidant attachment. This is exactly what it is is a coping , protective , self sobataging mechanism that is meant to preserve the sensitive and vulnerable side of the avoidant attached person. Anxious folks also have their baggage . I can speak for both as I was in both positions before based o. My relationships with women I was with . Some folks will being out avoidant side out of us and some anxious . However the fact that any of these patterns is a coping , protective mechanism does not change . Having many relationships with women who were avoidant dismissive or fearful who also displayed lack of empathy and excessive self centred behaviour I can say that being in a relationship with an avoidant person is hard , painful , harmful and destructive over time: it just chips at the other partner bit by bit, especially if the other partner is loyal and loving the avoidant as they are which often seems to be the case . Many avoidant folks tend to present narcissistic pathological patterns and think mostly of it only about their own needs . Furthermore telling me I said something I did not is again a weird form of head game you are pulling which as I said I don’t appreciate yet you keep on doing . If you have avoidant attachment pattern and you have been in a relationship for 7years and you say it is a struggle it does not take rocket science , both you and your partner need to get your shit together and heal your patterns and root causes of them otherwise one or both of you will end up seriously hurting at the end of it all and for what , just because you and or your partner are not doing the right work to let go of these patterns
@jesusthewaytruthandlight7558 9 ай бұрын
You are so right !! Why do they cause a fight after a family catchup ???
@brianamacwilliam.attachment 9 ай бұрын
Thank you for sharing your experience. And for commenting. Meeting the family means that the relationship has a new degree of closeness. Depending on how that sits with your partner, it may create some tension and anxiety, which expresses itself through argument.
@valeriesthill9585 3 ай бұрын
Thank you , it has been a great help , My avoidant says he loved me multiple times , but if I try to dictate the rate of contact ,he pulls away .We had a physical relationship after 6 months. for over a year,but when it got intense ,he said he just wanted to be friends. Since then I have not dared to mention what I want. I am hoping it can resume again ,and how to behave to achieve this .
@abc111xyz 10 ай бұрын
❤ What a divine synchro ❤ my avoiding soulmate's name is also MARK .. as in the example in the beginning....
@brianamacwilliam.attachment 9 ай бұрын
That is quite synchronistic! Thank you for sharing your experience.
@ranikster9955 Жыл бұрын
I finally let him go, after he said he only wanted friendship after dating. He gave me gifts yes, and helped me out a lot, and he wanted to meet my friends. He says he needs 3-4 months time in order to find out if he wants to be friends at all now after an argument
@shivanibhardwaj3457 Жыл бұрын
It was just the beginning of a never ending cycle for me. I am at this point now where I am scared of talking to him, idk what might trigger him and he will push me again then pull me back when I finally start moving forward with my life
@adrianairby9579 3 ай бұрын
This is not sustainable long term.
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