I think controlling people are jealous and like to abuse power to hold people back and try to break down their self esteem

What makes me mad is when they know that they are controlling you and try to deny it when you confront them . Smh

1:24 (1) They continuously criticize everything you do. 2:19 (2) They get angry at your questions. 3:08 (3) They use guilt to manipulate you. 3:41 (4) They have no interest in your opinion. 4:27 (5) They try to make rules about other people's lives. 4:55 (6) They start by showing you love and then they create distance from you. 5:41 (7) They try to make you feel bad for being yourself. 6:12 (8) They try to make fun of you.

If you need a laugh, play this video within earshot of your controller. They will either argue with the video or insist that you turn it off. 😂 It’s like Holy Water to a Vampire!

Your body will naturally understand when something isn’t right. Try to feel it. Is it in your chest? Your stomach? That’s your intuition. Go with it. Cut that person out quick!! Our minds tend to downplay or justify that person’s manipulative behavior, so listen to your body.

My sister was like that. I detest such people. I still come across such people in my life but now I just stay away from such control freaks. I don't care about what they say.

1. Chronic criticism 2. Expect Obedience 3. Guilt to manipulate 4. Closed minded. Not interested in your opinion. 5. They have rules for other's life. 6. They fake love, closeness to gain your trust 7. They you feel bad about yourself. 8. Make fun of you.

It’s just so hard to deal with, constantly being controlled and manipulated. It’s a really draining experience. Thanks for this video.

Another example is that they ask you questions as to why you’re going about your ways that are actually normal but apparently “not normal” to them. Like asking you why you are in your room, when you’re just in your room

Some people simply just dont understand the words respect love and care .. they just know manupulation

I try to burn bridges with domineering manipulating people even if they are close relatives and I get badly criticized for not being loyal to them because they are blood relations but I don’t care. Being a family Member does not give them an excuse to take liberties with me!

This was my mother.Her words were like the words of God. It took me until my late forties to break away. I love steering my own ship, designing my own life and getting to trust myself. It can be scary and involves a lot of work to undo the damage but at 52, I am a free woman. There is a way out but the first step is to walk out. Much luck to you all.

I’m currently dealing with a controlling person and I’m so close to punching them

Turning you into the victim and then blaming you for "playing the victim" . Classical controlling personality. It may drive you crazy to the point where you dont know who you are, or where you're going unless they are near. There is no "right choice" or "right way of doing things" . You will always be blamed for no matter what. This is exactly why its so maddening for other person and hard to explain to others.

Controlling people are jealous that you know how to make yourself happy so they want to ruin for you . Simple

That's why I don't choose to have close friendships anymore. I thrive alone rather than having a ball in chain around.

Holy Spirit enter my life, Jesus Christ protect my family and associates... keep evil far from us.

These are excellent well explain examples. Narcissists are very controlling. People with pure, innocent hearts can become victims. However, once you reach the point of realization & get away.... You will never fall for it again. It's just very sad for people to be victim to a controller. They can come away very broken, especially if they've been in the situation for a long time. It's alot like domestic abuse ( which involves control ) It's abuse to ones very soul.

controlling person, manipulative person, fake person, one who plays mind games, one who has eevr made fake promises, one who is too much interfering in my life, one who is trying to break my mental peace

I had to break away from my parents . I noticed I started dealing with people like this out of comfort. I attracted people like this for a while . Once I really became self aware . Looked at myself in the mirror . Asked why am I dealing with this person?

It is impossible to have equal partnership with controlling personalities because they enjoy power more than doing things together , even upbringing of a child. Either you are their robot or you are nobody in their life.

I know this all too well.... I am a very nice person and I know how people can control you... I would not wish it on my worst enemy

This WAS sooo my last employer....walked off the job this morning! So done with demeaning disrespectful ppl. U r well being and value is so much more important!!! These ppl r everywhere! She couldn’t beg me to come back....

Great insights. I was married to someone with a lot of these qualities. I finally told her "If all of 'our' problems are my fault, then I'll remove myself from this situation." That got her to straighten up for a bit but I wound up leaving anyway because she just couldn't help being manipulative. Lesson learned...the absolute EASIEST way to know if you're in a good relationship or not is how you feel about yourself, when you're with that person. Second lesson learned your ultimate power in a relationship is your willingness to end it IF you continually find yourself unhappy. A controlling person always needs someone to control and manipulate. However if they know you won't stand for their b.s. (i.e. tell them you'll leave...and actually do it, if you have to...) that shuts down the b.s. pretty quickly. You NEVER deserve to be with anyone who doesn't make you feel good about yourself IF you're being fair, generous and respectful to the other person.

Guilt trips are a big one... it’s what causes us to eventually move away with no explanations because every time you try to speak out about it they end up twisting it so YOU are the one to apologize.

#9 they’re right and the rest of the world is wrong. Most controlling people don’t have much to show for either, they’re usually struggling and hate that you’re living better than them.

To me, it always seemed like someone trying to control me was a sign of care and affection (because that's the environment I was brought up in). It's scary how distorted you become when your upbringing is toxic

Sounds like gaslighting

i used to be like this, i work everyday to try and change myself from acting this way with others,

I've seen family members and so called friends try several of these points with me. Good for me that I WILL NOT BE CONTROLLED. So, they failed dismally.

First thing is to stop people pleasing these types of people. No matter what you do , they will never be happy. So cut those strings, I struggle with standing up for myself . No matter what when I set boundaries I feel like nothing works. Cut these people off and work on making yourself happy.

may I add gaslighting, being passive-aggressive, convincing you to do things you don't want at all, bringing up your insecurities to others, gossipping about common friends, and talking bitterly about others’ physical appearance (they feel superior to others).

So I guess I’m a controlling person then. I used to be extremely critical of my little brother, I think how I treated him would definitely fall under bullying. I think I wanted control somewhere because a lot of things were happening in my life that I, as a child, had no control over (parents divorced, all of my best friends moved away, etc). And my brother became the victim of that. Even though I still have to keep myself in check, it’s already a lot better now. I’m now more aware whenever my inferior superiority complex arises and I am better able to deal with it. I hope one day I can get fully rid of it. I wish I could just be okay with failure. I wish I wouldn’t always feel like I need to be better than others. It’s because I’m scared of being inferior to others. It’s exhausting.

No one can control me....im a free spirit

The discrption of a Narcissist relationship ! Leave it doesn't work !

A controlling person will never ever be happy. Number 2 is extremely creepy

Had a ‘friend’ like this for years. So glad to have her out of my life. She was extremely toxic for me in my life. Nobody liked her because of how she was, but I still thought the problem was with me. She really helped me feel that way too. Thinking about it makes me so angry.

This is my parents. Nobody believes me either. Its very frustrating. At first I thought I was at fault for everything in my life but now I know. Its actually really scary that someone would go out of their way to destroy their child's well being. I'm slowly getting better and building confidence in myself but the emotional scars will always be there.

Absolutely... I recognize each one. Pass it on to a suspected victim.

Always Keep toxic people away from your life...cut relationship completly... Never depend them in any way . never share personal information and never make cash deal with them . then these assholes cant do anything....then they will approach you with tears. and never ever fall on their crocodile tears..bcz from my experience, they never change. They always change their tricks

My late wife was controlling. Also a covert narcissist

I feel sick after listening to this because you have driven home what I already knew was happening. I feel like a caged animal.

The other day I met with my (friend) who is a narc. I know exactly how she is. So everything she wanted to do, I suggested the TOTAL opposite and could tell she hated it! She would say stuff to one-up me or someone else. I would always counter what she said and made her so irritated! It was so enjoyable.

My PhD supervisor was controlling person. He adjusted a camera to monitor my entry and exit from the lab, I was working in on my project. He loved to accuse me in every mistake and made me cry almost every single day. He never apologized to me and made me feel guilty, as If I was a big troube he dealt with...after spending 3 years in this abuse, I got a depression with panic attacks...finally, I graduated with a degree in my hands and left the university he worked forever! Glad to be free now.

People that are controlling have no control themselves which leaves them insecure so being controlling is a way to overcompensate so they feel in control themselves.

Anyone else watching this to better the SELF and not blame others? Or is it just me. If you come from a parent like this, you probably have the tendencies. Self awareness is the best way to make heaven on earth.

These kind of people you will WIN! They will always find a reason to put you down or have controll over you!

the only way to get out of someone who is controlling is to just burn that bridge and deal with the consequences that come from it. As those consequences will be minor in the face of having someone in your life that will cause you pain and suffering for their own happiness. This isn't the best advice, but it's how I got out of a controlling relationship.

Worst of all - even after calling them out on it, they shamelessly and persistently continue doing all those stated in this video. When you ask for an explanation, it’s like they suddenly forgot how to construct sentences or that language exist.

WOW, You nailed it! The unidentified subtle pressure I have been feeling just hit me right between the eyes. All the time I've been feeling I must be a bad person for feeling so uncomfortable.

Number 5 & 6: I had a "friend" for 7 years who was like that, then couldn't stand to see me getting on without them. A few others apply to that person too, who was & still is a paranoid control freak. Person is now trying to get others to stop talking to me because he no longer talks to me. Glad I don't have that person as a friend now.

That's me 😨🤨 but I'm an empath so I guess I rationalize the control because I feel like I know what makes people happy. What a sucky realization.

I was raised by a narc father and I’m not sure if I’m a controlling personality but I most definitely have no desire to be truly. The lack of control I’ve known most of my life leaves me feeling hyper defensive of losing control of my own situations and I find myself giving unsolicited advice to friends and making assumptive plans. This video helped re-align

"Number 8: They like to make fun of you." I had a former friend doing this in the cowardly third person way. Talking about someone else's so-called problem that sounded like my so-called problem. I just laughed and said, "Why you to say to me directly, coward, instead of creating a fictional situation that you're describing?" They had a rage attack and told me to get the hell out of their apartment. Thankfully I'm no contact with this former friend (but unfortunately stayed friends for a few more years after that) who went from mirroring me as someone with the alleged same life to turning into or sneaking into wannabe bully. This video is very good medicine to remind me why to not give in to the temptation of going back to a bad friendship for what used to be the good parts or whatever

This is the worst type of friend anyone can ever have, and what's even worse is when it takes you so long to get away from this toxic relationship.

Being bossy is a sign of weakness. Even bosses don’t have to act like that.

Once you set boundaries, you are gonna make allot of people angry.

This video makes me feel how the controlling people in my life make me feel. This is because this video is so close to if not representing precisely what the controlling people are like and what the controlling people do in order to stay in control. Great video!

I have a father like this , it would take a full on book to tell of our past but I lost my wife 10 yrs ago to diabetes not to mention a partner (mother to my only son ) two years prior to meeting my wife. Yes widowed twice before 45. I miss and l love them both, anyways because I was a mess from the latest loss had to come home and live with my loving mum an dad. I noticed that before my losses that my father treated me and spoke to me alot better and always showed me what he had done and built around our homestead. Since having to return home and live in the bedsit he built ( basically for us kids or visiting family, freinds etc ) all of a sudden I became a hindrance son ( I feel ) who was lucky to have a place to come to. I love my father and appreciate being at home (for the time being) but noticed my younger sisters and their achievements are spotlighted as where I as the eldest feels like a bum. I love my sister's too but now I am under my father's roof again and made felt an underachiever has had my confidence destroyed.

Oh yeah, recognising it.. Already leaving it alone. I am not putting myself in these situations anymore. Period.

When you leave, they persistently tell you they miss you blablabla pay tons of attention to you and spend all their time with you and on you and when you stupidly go back to them - guess what - they ignore you once again, act nonchalant, “who you again?”, intentionally withhold affection and communication, act like you’re the one that is clingy / desperate when it’s actually them, prioritise everyone else above you etc and then you wake up and leave and they continuously bug you etc and the cycle repeats until you nip it in the bud.

Life is so very short some people you push away never come back it must be so very lonely for the controller and shameful

For some reason there's always gotta be one person at work that is like this. And I dont understand why people let people like that get away with it.

This happened to me so many times. They always say they need me for their plans to work but I’m just focusing on other things in life. I remember they said an idea that we used to do and a way to bring the past back but truthfully I wasn’t comfortable with and they frankly told me many many things I already know for certain things. I tried writing something better but stress and anger made me scrap the script I was working for them. I had to disconnect to focus on my mental well-being and hopefully I can do this without them coming back to bring my progress back down.

I know a few people like this, I’m trying to distance myself from them.

Great video, it really is important to stay away from these types of people. 💜

1. chronic criticizing - solution: leave 2. angry with questions 3. use guilt to manipulate you 4. have no interest in your opinion 5. makes rules for your life 6. showing love and creating a distance 7. making you feel bad to be yourself 8. they try to make fun of you

I live with a uncle that has a controlling personality and I can say this is 100 percent accurate

I had close friend like this, thirty years of her making all the decisions about where we go out socially. Being invalidated, told to shut up and never allowed to voice or say how I feel.

this was helpful. Got out of a marriage this year after six years of being massively controlled, degraded and abused. I decided to try to maintain a positive friendship till they tried to control me that way as well period for me the most horrific part was when they pull away all their affection! The second-worst is when you do stand up to them and they decide to lash out where my case become extremely abusive to get that control back. If there's anyone out there in a relationship like I was in just know that there is light on the other side! Removing yourself from a controlling can be extremely hard, but once you are free life can be beautiful again!

I now feel like my best friend is controlling. At first she would be very nice to me and then ask for a favour. If I say no or something like that, she would get very angry and say that I am a bad friend until I would give in. She also didn’t like a lot of people and when I go and stay with them, she would get very angry with me to a point where she yells at me and tell me to end my friendship with her. If I also made friends with another person she also tells me to leave them because ‘they’re taking me away from her’ .My other friend (lets call her Natalia) and other people are telling me she is trying to control me and how I deal with it. Now Natalia and my best friend are arguing and I don’t know how to tell my best friend that our friendship should end. What do you think I should do? Sorry if it was too long

I just want to address that some controlling personalities want u to follow their plan because they think it's the best for u which is still harmful of course because u won't have a say in ur life and I would appreciate it if u made a video about that

The best you can do-make things on your own. 🙏☀✔✔

They interrupt you whereas you cannot complete verbalizing your thought and to signal to you that you are not important.

If it's too difficult or complex to get divorced or leave, make sure that your self esteem doesn't get destroyed or affected as shown here. Controllers are crafty, and be wise to that. Know when to keep your distance, stay silent, react, walk away etc. Always, keep your sense of self healthy. Controllers are also know it all's. So what. Don't let it affect you. You can perfectly function on your own, without their arrogance. They don't know it all, and you know that. Spend time with people with whom you can be yourself, or be more on your own if necessary. Hold onto good times and memories when you were happy, and when you are happy. Hold onto who you know you are. No one has the right to control you. No one. You deserves to be happy like everyone else. Whatever controlling problem, or issues your spouse or partner has, it's their problem, not yours! 😊

There's also such thing as arrested development. my relatives were very controlling of me as a child. they made it forbidden for me to go places on my own. they convinced me that this is dangerous. even though it was barely dangerous at all.

This video so nails it! - and it's general enough to recognize it in all relationships, not just romantic ones. Well done!

Thank you so much for this video. After high school I picked up a trade so I’ve never attained knowledge from college courses like psychology etc. So I was in a 4 year relationship with a woman that used everything you talked about in this video. I mean exactly like you talked about. I thought maybe she had issues but every time I confronted her about them she would get upset and not want to hear anything I had to say. Which is one of the things you said would be the case. We have been separated for a year now and I hurt so bad and miss her so much because for the first year she was amazing to me. She helped me get out of a whole I dug for myself. In so many ways. So after finding your video, my jaw dropped! This is exactly what she was doing and you made a lot of my pain go away. Thank you so much.

Well explained and it is truly extremely sad that controlling wannabes exist. Someone that has a mindset of what they are doing is so very very good and attempt to make it seem like if what your doing is so very very bad is the mark of a nosy trouble maker that hasn't found purpose. Thanks for sharing such an informative video.

Some people just dont have much going on their life!

I dont know if im becoming like this . I dont want to hurt others . So far i dont see myself

~Thank you for this very helpful video. ~It seems it is written mostly about people who are in a bad situation and they don’t believe in themselves enough. That is true for many people, but some people who Do believe in themselves (a lot) may watch this too, and there are some people in the middle. This bad situation can happen to all types. ~Please remember that you can be confident and believe in yourself no matter what they do. You can hold your own truth and heart even if the situation is ongoing. ~So, many people only talk about the only solution is to leave. But that day may not be here yet for any # of reasons. Continue to remind yourself of who you really are, you can survive, and thrive. When you can even leave the room, you can be with your good self right then. ~That valuable self, your true heart, who is not perfect (no-one is) is good, and good enough. ~You can be like the pearl, who grows layers of beauty no matter what. ~There may or may not come a time when you can leave, it could be any day, or some day, or today. ~Today, and every day, you are a pearl, and that will do more to make you ready to be free than anything else. Be free inside whatever happens. Every pearl knows how to love themselves.

I am just coming out of a controlling marriage. God this video hit a chord. 15 years I chased around yo please her and still felt I could not be good enough. Finally as my Mom went under treatment in her last months I rushed to be with my mom. As my family and I cared for my Mom, I was inundated with texts of how I had made my wife feel worthless and unloved and how dare I abandon her . It got really bad. But the plus side is the distance from her at that time and that she held me to ransom made me realise. When I went back and faced her after the funeral, she cried that she thought she lost me . Very loving, for a day or so then the insecurities started. Worried she was losing me , how will she cope . Then I truly believed I did not care . Now I am going through the divorce and she holds my clothes and possessions to ransom. But god I feel better now. Finally this irritating bitch is going . But you do not see it when you are in it .. finally life is good . Thank you 🙏. Very true video

Those people are extremely self centered and have no respect or empathy with who you are or what you want to be, which are also the characteristics of psychopaths.

Honestly, controlling personalities usually doesn't seem this way. Most people catch on quickly to such behaviour and run. They're usually love bombers and are nice to you. And say and do things to please you.

Excellent points and so well explained...

It's very well appreciated that you've purposely kept this non-gender specific. Thank you.

How about this little gem? Being annoyed that you bothered them with their headphones on AND being annoyed when you have yours on and can’t hear them talking.

They have no interest in you full stop ! They just need to control you to feel superior in the situation It’s having the power

My friend always does this. I just keep going on and ignoring every second of me getting hurt. I still think he is my best friend because he plays with me everyday and we play with each other. Today in roblox, he randomly unfriended me and I kept asking him why. When he finally answered, he said we always fight I think we should end our friendship to stop. When I told him friends fight all the time, he just says friends fight I know but not this frequently. Although we fight the average amount of all the friends in the world. Please like this comment and share to other friends or family who can relate to this.

I used to have a friend. we would disagree on stuff. I wasn't criticizing him or ordering him, or criticizing his loved ones, but he'd get upset and say "let's change the subject." it was his way of silencing me, and he got away with it for years. for years, i thought "oh he's upset, i better shut up." one day, he did this tactic one too many times on me, and i figured him out. now i don't give a shit if he's angry or not when we disagree. he severed ties with me a few months ago, and I'm not real upset about it.

I think it's completely wrong for anyone to take over another's life. It's happened to me almost all of my life. One person or another....unbelievable. I find myself wishing I was not here.

This sounds like my friend I've known for years. Since my parents passed away and she's been telling me what to do with my stuff and I can't do this or I can't have that. She told me to get rid of my computer desk that I just bought and she said, "You don't need that for your computer. Get rid of it!" She tells me what stores, I shouldn't go to. She told me to get rid of my car, etc. She doesn't like the idea it's old and I'm like, "Nothing wrong with it and it's paid off." I've set boundaries to her and she just won't back off. I live in apartment and she asked me if I like it and I said, "Yes. I do. Only, complaint is. The people isn't picking up after their pets. I'm about to report." Sure enough. Last Sunday and the friend reported to my landlord (before, I even had the chance to). She even asked me what message board that I'm on. I'm in my 40s. I think I can make my own decisions in my life.

Thanks for the video. It is very informative and a brilliant summary. I was controlled by my dad and then my ex husband. The interesting thing is that I recognized my dad’s controlling disposition because his means of control is in your face. You cannot miss it. His way or the highway. I vowed to myself that I would never marry a controlling man. I didn’t recognize it in him at all, for years. My ex husband controlled me in a much more sneaky way. When we were dating he was charming and loving. A month into our marriage it started. I remember the exact incident. From then on, I couldn’t do anything right, he criticized my every move, and there was never any appreciation. There was no communication, and he would get defensive on a whim. Gaslighting was his method of communication. I was also a mere object to him, my values and ambitions were of no interest to him. What I would love is a video on what makes for people like me, what kind of personality allows for this kind of treatment? And how, as a young person, can you recognize it and prevent yourself from falling into this trap?

My dad was like this, just realized that I was doing this without knowing :( I’m going to do everything I can to change

I have had my share of controlling partners, sibling. I call them narcissists. Lower my self esteem, absolutely. Boundaries and a huge sense of humor is needed.

Dang, wish I would have found this video sooner, would have saved me a ton of arguments haha thanks, and awesome drawings by the way.

I don’t feel inferior to them. I make sure I set boundaries to survive.

Wow, I'm in a controlling relationship with my boyfriend. (Him being the controller.) This sucks. I love him but he makes me feel so bad about myself. How can I love someone that seems to get off on tormenting and torturing me? I need help. 😦

That's a good description of Cluster B personality disorders.