I'm an old man. (84) I've dealt with depression most of my adult life. Now, I'm just waiting to die...

@@martyham10 Same. I am waiting to die peacefully in my sleep

@@steventay5834 Steven... the only thing that's really keeping me alive is worrying about my two dogs. What will happen to them? Who will care for them? Hang in there, Steven... You're not alone in this fight. We're brothers. Just remember; this is a one-way street. There's no turning back. Don't do anything "for spite"; beause, in the long run, no one really cares. No one understands this battle we are fighting. No one but us.

Good call!

@@Tinyteacher1111 Thank you for replying to me... This "illness" stinks!

I have chronic depression including ASD/ADHD raised in a narc home suffering, I believed people had it worse. Depression is valid to every individual and should be treated better instead of invalid gaslit ❤

I hear ya ,ex wife is all that n bipolar with multiple personality disorder

Getting raised in narc or dysfunctional family might cause constant depressions during your entire lifetime

I'm homeless and don't even have a kitchen to cook in, and have to run to the gym everytime to shower... Which just makes functioning with depression THAT much harder 😢

Oh yes! and when seeking help for these &/or any other awful things, there's the fact that most doctors (they're actually TAUGHT to be this) are narcissists. 🤔😑

I’ve never been one to just sit around and now that’s all I do. I’ve lost all interest in everything.

​@debbiethibault9846. Hi. I too. Was very active and always on the go. ! Now... I've lost interest in everything. Hobbies, activities.. friends etc. I'm like disabled! Mentally I can't find words to describe depression. Im stuck? In ruminating negativity? I had multiple traumatic events that I couldn't handle.. and I lost it.

Congrats on your recovery. Most persons never realizes psilocybin can be used as a miracle medication to save lives. Years back i wrote an entire essay about psychedelics. they saved you from death bud, lets be honest here.

Hey mates! Can you help with the source? I suffer severe anxiety, panic and depression and I usually take prescription medicine, but they don't always help. Where can I find those psilocybin mushrooms? I'm really interested in treating my mental health without Rxs. I live in Australia don't know much about these. I'm so glad they helped you. I can't wait to get them too. Really need a reliable source 🙏

YES very sure of Dr.alishrooms. I have the same experience with anxiety, depression, PTSD and addiction and Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.

100% agree I used to have Psychosis and paranoid thoughts like "people thinking about me talking about me etc. Very odd behavior after getting off Adderall from 7-16. Antidepressants at 18-29. 31 now. I took way to much, but took about 20g of Gold caps (Psilocybin containing mushroom) I analyzed my entire life. The emotions that came out helped me understand behavior etc more. Wont ever need to do it again because I'm happy and contempt forever, but I wish more people did this to alter their perception of reality. Would help with healing much trauma

How do I reach out to him? Is he on insta

Anhedonia. I am sorry.

I can relate 😢

I’m so sorry- I’m experiencing a very similar situation- I’ve been here several times in the past- I just keep relying on my past experiences. It does get better. Please don’t give up 🌻

Me too music was thing 😢

Ne except on u tube thats the only way I 🎶 😢

My thoughts exactly!

Mine too

Excellent advice I've not seen elsewhere. Don't be around people and rest. 👍

Very true.

Very well spoken. Chronic post traumatic stress disorder is real and it is horrible. I've never really gotten any better. I wish you the best. Congrats on overcoming breast cancer. Blessings from a Kentucky grandma🙏

I always have said I'd rather have a physical disability rather than depression because at least then people could at least understand why I'm struggling to do anything 😢

@karamedley6229 I've been thinking this way also... I would rather be all broken up, .. at least I know I'll be fine .. that this all will heal, and I'll be able to continue living. This depression is so crippling mentally, it's destroyed my life, and my character. I'm so unable to do simple things, and with anhedonia,... there's no pleasure, or desire. It's taken the human out of me. Do you feel this way also?

People who never experienced depression/anxiety, cannot understand what a person is going through. They become judgmental against family members or others who suffer from depression.

​@Diana-yn2ho Very true., I tried to explain, it's upsetting ,.. I can't just get over it. I'm suffering so horribly. Only the 988 calls, they understand. I've called too many times. I don't know if I can survive this torture

​@@klanderkal - I feel bad for what you are going through. There so much discrimination against people who are suffering due to depression and other mental/emotional illnesses. Others who have never experienced this, think that it is just something a person is making up in order to gain the sympathy or attention of others or as an excuse. They also come up with this "low self-esteem" nonsense. They are equating the feeling of tiredness and weakness associated with depression as "low self-esteem". Incredible!

@Diana-yn2ho Thank you so much. Your words explain this very well. Thank you for caring about me 🙏 ... I tried so hard to go out... and buy food. I was so uncomfortable and felt fear in the store. I had to leave,.. as I was so indecisive. Also, I have horrible insomnia and hadn't slept in 3 days. It's so horrible.. to have anxiety, insomnia, and depression.!!! It's so unbearable. I try to act normal. You really can't explain in any words the dread.

@@klanderkal - I hope I have lifted up your spirit dear, and I will be praying for you and others like in your situation so that their lives may improve and can get help. Please take care of yourself and I wish you the best. 🤎🙏 Everything will work out, you'll see.

I'm truly sorry

You're a beast mate. Fair play to you!

I hope your situation improves soon x

It's hard. They never tell you how to take care of basic human bathroom needs! I lost everything from a broken lumbar and mold toxicity. I survived struggled but now... Covid secondary health issues made me wish I were in my past situation. I wish you safety and self belief. I hope you find truth in your struggles are more accepting than the lies that could make you feel worse.

@@tawnisboxtalk I lost my housing twice during the pandemic. It's been a struggle ever since. Especially with rents and cost of living skyrocketing like they did. It just makes it that much more difficult. In addition to trying to function and maintain my hygiene while out on the streets. I find myself dumping my urine jugs in parking lots, and dragging myself to the gym every few days for a shower. If I can even pay the gym membership bill. I'm just falling apart.

You're a doctor; so, if anybody understands this horrible affliction, it's you. Hang in there, brother... I'm right there with you.

Well done with your job though.

I have had it my whole life and its still here and I was born in 1969 on inauguration day

Neither of you have ever had depression. This video is all wrong.

Micro mushrooms?

Find the Lord Jesus Christ and find comfort.

​@@aganton4977that is part of the problem!

sorry you're struggling as well. but ya same here. I'm 48 and I am tapped out being there for everyone else with no one ever there for me, I'm just drained. I have barely anything left for myself at this point.and I am so tired(not physically) but In every other way, I don't have the energy, will or care to get up anymore. Dealing with the same illnesses, and also with the anhedonia, I'm absolutely void of any good, joy, or happy feelings, like no motivation at all, it's unbearable. I have no friends, no family that can bother to be bothered to listen or even be around. I just stay home alone, all day, barely existing at this point. I don't even have a pet. existing is exhausting. I'm just so done with everything at this point. ugh :(

Existing is indeed exhausting, as the earlier commenter said... And for me too, the available options of drugs are going closer to zero, so I bought powdered Psylocybe to take in micro/mini dosing (0.2 - 1 gram), thank goodness it’s not prohibited in my country (yet). My psychiatrist asked me to wait coz there’s still options for me to try, but I’m tired of this frightening rollercoaster of emotions. Wishing us all good luck.

You're not crazy. I feel the same way. If you think you're crazy, you're not crazy. You have a disease called depression, as I do. I know it's miserable.😢

No, you're not crazy. Depression does not fit within the normal framework of an illness that medical people understand. I am not sure what that means, but my wife, a pharmacist, agrees. It isn't like an infection. People who call it an illness sit back and wait for a pill to come along. I call mine a disability, and like other disabled people, I go on with my life to the full extent that my condition permits. There isn't much that I cannot do at all.

Me too. My family and some friends just think I'm lazy. I have one family member who thinks all these symptoms make me incompetent and incapable of living on my own.

You are not crazy and you are not alone x

I'm 36 and homeless and don't even have a kitchen to cook in, and have to run to the gym everytime to shower... Which just makes functioning with depression THAT much harder 😢

Don't feel guilty. Depression, anxiety is something no one has control over, unfortunately.

Happened to me at exactly 30 years old too...overwhelming anxiety mixed with depression. I'm 62 and am still trying to outwit the symptoms every damn day - it's exhausting.

It could be worse though, you have a wife, imagine if you felt like you do and lived alone, it would be worse then

@@Network126 - I hope you get help, both medically and economically. The politicians squander the taxpayers' monies on nonsense, but don't help Americans who need help, especially those with disabilities, and advanced age. For the younger set or anyone who wants to work, we should bring back manufacturing which created many jobs for people.

I'm homeless and don't even have a kitchen to cook in, and have to run to the gym everytime to shower... Which just makes functioning with depression THAT much harder 😢

I hope you will soon find emotional support in your life.

You're worthy of love, Kathy. Jesus loves you. I have had similar abuse. It's difficult being an elder orphan.

God bless you Kathy. I will be praying for you for your recovery and healing and mine as well ❤

@dianabrinco, at 64 I don't feel like I have any close friends right now either. I live near my older brother, his wife and their 2 daughters, but I basically just see or talk to my brother and a niece who lives about 200 miles from me, we talk about once a week. I also have 2 small dogs that are companions to me. I have to take them for a walk at least twice a day and feed them. They are better companions to me right now than a person would be. People seem to irritate me at times. Being older I have got to enjoy my solitude more at times and I probably spend too much time on KZfaq writing or reading comments. Hang in there, life to me is like a teeter totter with its ups & downs. Prayer & reading the Bible help me and I listen to videos like this one.

@@Jensen1959 Very well said. I'm older than you; I'm 84. I'm in the nineth inning of this ol' ball game. I share your feelings completely. I have two dogs. They are my "purpose in life" right now. I much prefer the company of dogs (in general) to that of people. Especially, those folke who "have all the answers". Stay well and stay safe, my friend... Marty

I have kids, no need for friends. Too busy consenting to their needs.

Preeeach ‼️💯

True

You got that right.

Well said!

Exactly right now I can't even do the simple things like tidy my home or even get dressed

WELL SAID 💯:!!!!! 👁️ STRONGLY believe that the LORD puts people in each other's paths for reasons that vary, WELL, 👁️'VE CROSSED WITH YOU , THAT SEEM TO HAVE , UMMM... 👁️ GUESS , SOME TYPE ACKNOWLEDGEMENT FOR ME !!! 👍🏽 THANK YOU!!! p. S. You now have'1 FOLLOWER & SUBSCRIBER PURPLE 💜 GIRL DETROIT MICHIGAN

You are not alone. I have been going through this for almost 14 years. One day at a time is what gets me by. Hope you feel good all the time🎉

I'm homeless and don't even have a kitchen to cook in, and have to run to the gym everytime to shower... Which just makes functioning with depression THAT much harder 😢

Sux, right?

Damn that's harsh 😔 and for that Long

I'm really far down in this rabbit 🥕hole and I'm not saying that lightly

I have no family. Dont know which is better or worse for that matter. Look after yourself best you can ❤

Buy a jockstrap 👍

Same

​@Thenogomogo-zo3un Having no family is better than having wealthy family with all the free time in the world, yet you get no support from them, only bragging about how great their lives are. Adds insult to injury, I just want to tell them to shut the hell up.

@@warthog473 They will eventually. For the time being, if you can, just walk away.

Chris I so relate your not alone …wish there was a way we could help each other… meds are useless for me I don’t sleep but like you I have resigned myself as I have a special needs daughter who will be alone if I die sending you hugs and prayers

I'm homeless and don't even have a kitchen to cook in, and have to run to the gym everytime to shower... Which just makes functioning with depression THAT much harder 😢

Sending hope and prayers 🙏❤️🤗

At one time I showered every day. At the time of this writing I literally cannot remember the last time I showered; I think it has been at least a couple of months.

@@edwardlynch9973 it’s awful I’m same just barely hanging on

I totally get it. Been living this for 63 years. I have no family. I am alone for hours on end. Not fun anymore. Hang in.

Get help, let me me to I'm out of it, I you can't get out yourself

You need Jesus.

The truth about depression at last.

Hope you feel better soon. I have sleep issues too.

Like u can just snap out of it

@@pamlucas7694 That's exactly what I said. It frustrated me to hear that for someone I loved, and I thought they loved me, too. It makes you wonder why you are alive. I pray you don't have to hear this. Take care and talk back to me if you want to.

@LtRee96se I agree with you. It's Not how I want to live. It's really not living. It's torture. I too have to same feeling... my own brother. Makes me feel 100x worse. He sees im mentally disabled, unable to leave the apt., extremely unhappy, distressed, ... and knows I lost everything including my career job. Still no empathy. I hate it, when they say Snap out of it, move on... etc. I have no words to say.... that they could understand.. 😩

@pamlucas7694 exactly.!! I kept hearing that from those who have no idea. Trying to explain, just made me feel so much worse... It's humiliating... to me. Do you get the, let it go, move on? Also.

Me as well. I have obligations. Maybe if you have a lot of money or someone else who can bring an income in to pay the bills, you can stay at home and recover. I think that the descriptions are very accurate but so e of the advice isn't practical.

@@dianacurry8195 Good point.

Mee too. It sucks going through life having to force yourself to do pretty much everything. It’s exhausting.

@@MrStrocube that’s exactly the right word. Exhausting.

@lisanidog8178 I simpasise and agree with you both. I'm so unable to do anything at all,.. just the thought is exhausting. I've never looked so bad.... person hygiene no longer is priority. I just hate the anhedonia. Not being able to feel pleasure in anything I used to... depression is just so horrible... only those with it understands. 😔

My family told me recently that depression is not real, they don't believe in it, and it doesn't exist. That I should draw on my inner strength. Just talk myself out of it. Wow, lots of family support there. I was shocked when they told me that, and was down hearted and now I'm worse off than I was.

@@feline501 - They don't know because they never experienced it. Instead of being understanding and doing some research on depression, they blame the individual. People like to put others down because in reality they are the ones with the inferiority complex. They like to trample on other people to make themselves look good.

depressed teens are weird. ​@@feline501

I understand as I am suffering like you

​@@feline501- I feel bad for people who suffer from depression. Those who never experienced it cannot understand what the person is going through. Some people interpret it as a lack of self esteem and similar hogwash. I hope you and Steven (the other poster) can get counseling to overcome your depression.

I could say the same about myself.! Exactly. I'm so unable to do anything at all,... or go anywhere. I don't want visitors, calls, or texts. My physical health has declined horribly. I only eat PBJ, or easy snacks. Personal hygiene ..? Shower etc... its like you said. It's like being mentally paralyzed, with no desires. Are you like this as well? 😢

Agree

It's so hard. It feels like life is just passing by, my Dr keeps giving me pills that don't help at all. But yet I keep going on.

@@jeffstepp-ou8re seriously. That's all doctors would do for me as well. Just medicate me into oblivion. I have this fantasy of actually sleeping through the night and waking up rested and excited to see another day. It hasn't happened in 43 years. I feel like I'm just waiting to die.

@@shadowfax9177 I wonder what that would feel like myself, life is so precious, but right now I couldn't care less about living. I take 4 different meds for anxiety and depression. Spent 6 months going to a therapist. All she wanted me to do is eat better and do homework.

CPTSD has already killed me.

Cptsd never goes away. I hate it 😔🙏💔😭

I'm suffering in many ways as you. I'm 62. After the sad divorce,. I lost my home. Then I lost all my family members and 2 close friends. I was filled with so much grief. I wasn't functioning well. I made a crucial mistake at my workplace,....and lost my career job. It was all I had left! I had panic attacks, and kept collapsing. Psychiatrist said I really was in bad shape. Ptsd, severe anxiety, chronic insomnia, and severe depression. I don't enjoy living anymore. I don't move... like as if I'm in shock. I don't have interest in anything at all. .... I don't like being like this anymore

Only too well do I understand what you're dealing with. I'm living in a horrible, cluttered mess right now. No energy or ambition to do anything about it.

Me too

@@Lorrainecats Hello "Lorrainecats"... I hope you have kitty cats and I hope they bring you some measure of happiness. I have two dogs and they are my world. They are both spoiled-rotten...

I'm hurting suffering horribly from depression. Caused by multiple traumatic events... then under overwhelming stress, I made very bad decisions/mistakes... and I lost my career job of 20yrs.! I'm so devastated. I've called 988. I don't want to go on anymore! How can you handle for s long? 😢🫶

@@klanderkal it hasn't been easy. I struggle every day. I have been passively suicidal in the past and attempted to kill myself twice while in a dissociative state. Until I understood what was happening with me, like the dissociations, I didn't know how to ask for help. I didn't know that I could ask for help. I also have had some great therapists and a great doctor. So in my 20 year battle, I identified what my diagnosis is ( major depressive disorder, PTSD with suicidal ideation), I learned my triggers and I learned coping mechanisms to help keep me grounded and then if I felt like harming myself I would have to look at myself in the mirror and rate from 0 to 10(0 being not worth it to 10 being worth it) on whether or not it was worth losing my job, my home, my family and friends to cause myself harm or commit suicide and my answers were usually no it wasn't worth it. We all have ways that help us cope. Some journal( I can't because I write like someone is going to read it and end up censoring myself), some join church, some people write songs or poetry, listening to music and having a good cry every now and then helps me. Check your area for mental health services to see if you can find a therapist that meets your needs, if you are unable to work you can apply for disability from SSI, I did that for a while until I could return to work. Find 1 or 2 people who you can contact anytime day or night if you start feeling like you want to end it so they can help talk you through what you are feeling. Anxiety and depression feed off each other and can create a vicious cycle of unwanted thoughts and feelings of worthlessness so it's important to find what works for you to make it stop. The world would be made the less by your loss, stay with us ❤️

@restlessrespiratorytherapi7921 Thank you so much for caring,...and your reply. ... I have reached out. Bit, they're too.. having difficulty with my situation. I have lost SO much... not only my career job I loved. , but my family as well, 4 last members of my family past, the same month as my job loss. I just lost my life savings from an investment crash,.. and my home as well. I had recently gone through a heartbreaking divorce.... I was barely hanging on.... but, loosing my career job, was too much. I'm so upset with myself, as it was my fault. It could have been prevented.... I just blew it, and want to blame everyone. I've been having suicide thoughts all the time. I'm in contact with 988, and VA crisis, and Here Tomorrow suicide counseling. I have that ptsd,... the severe anxiety and depression. I don't sleep, and I have no joy of living. I have hobbies and interests... but, depression ( anhedonia).. stole them as well..

I understand what it's like. Been chronically & majorly depressed ever since my dad died when I was 3. My last dog was the only one who brought me pure love & joy for 17 years. I'm hoping to volunteer/work at animal shelters/rescues someday soon. Animals are the most AMAZING thing God created! 💕🐕🐈🌈🌞🙏

@@kimgb8248 Volunteering at the shelter will be the greatest. The animals love the attention and love, and they deserve it so much. Good luck.

I agree with you on not waiting to do something until you feel like. Once I start to do something the motivation will be there. But I have to start. . .

Yes, noise is a big one for me.

Wishing you better days ahead you are very smart and kind 🤗🙏❤️

Blessings 🙏

You're not alone. Have you looked for support groups?

😢

Depression & anxiety feels like a life sentence with no parole.

Is your therapist able to give meds ?I have suicidal ideation every day

​@@sharminiserasinghe3293that's a good answer. I too feel the same. I've called 988 too many times. It's so unbearable in so many ways. Just existing... is unbearable

Well said.

I too list my job, and everything else. It was so crushing. It was everything to me. I didn't ask for the anxiety and depression.! ... its do disturbing I just stress terribly. Caused insomnia... I don't sleep anymore... I just suffer. I don't even want to watch TV.

When your life has been taking away..its no way you are the same

@patriciacestare232 Those are my exact words. I've been saying. You really understand. ... you know, no matter what anyone, the psychologist, friends/ neighbors, pastor's, suicide 988 counselors say.. it doesn't bring back what you've lost. Verbal comforting only bandades my torn apart heart and life. *When you're life, is taken away There's no way you are the same. ..

@patriciacestare232 I'm sorry for your situation and the suffering you are experiencing. Loosing your job, can take so much away from a person. It can completely destroy you. You really enjoyed your music, but nolonger feel it's enjoyment as before... im sorry that's happened to you. I too, lost my passion for working out, swimming and working on my VW. It's as if my life was taken from me. I too went down after loosing my job. I really loved it, and the coworkers and friends. Depression is like quicksand. It's so unbearable for me... T.Y. for sharing, I'm not the only one devastated from loosing their job. ⚘️💙🙌

Ditto😢

I like your comment. It describes me in a way. I had extreme losses , trauma, deaths, and my career job loss... I just lost it. I collapsed. Diagnosed with ptsd, anxiety, insomnia and severe depression. It's as if my life has ended. I don't want to be alive anymore. I just suffer. I've never known,.. how devastating mental illnesses are. Depression is unbearable. I've called 988 many times. .. do you also? .. im not handling this well.

@shiwanibhattarai1376 I read your comment again today... It really represents me exactly. ... I also have insomnia.. so I don't hardly slept at all.... but those 1-2 hrs.. are the only time living that's not torture. What do you do?... every day? ... I don't do anything anymore 😕

Hummm ​@@klanderkal life is hard....I too wake up some days just to wake and eyes are open but deep delving there is extreme tiredness. I have been trying some breathing nowadays though it is hard to keep up......

@shiwanibhattarai1376 if I sleep,.. I awaken into a horrible panic. I have horrible anxiety, from loosing my career job. I cannot accept my life without it. I just can't move on. That's why I sunk into severe depression. All the activities I did before work, like the coffee shops, the gym., the beach run/swim I did every day before work,.. now have no meaning or purpose. It's like my reasons for living have completely died. It's like my life has ended. I don't want to live like this anymore. Im helplessly watching my mind, body, health decline, and im mentally paralyzed to do anything.... It's bad. Are you this way also... ?

At least you have a room. I'm homeless and don't even have a kitchen to cook in, and have to run to the gym everytime to shower... Which just makes functioning with depression THAT much harder 😢

@Network126 I am so sorry, I had no idea. As a blind person, I've never experienced homelessness.

@@chantelcuddemi7646 It's nearly impossible to function and be reliable or consistent like this. Everyday is a struggle just to survive and stay sane and out of trouble. Plus, every little thing is extra difficult and/or expensive, since I don't have running water or electricity, and constantly have to drive around to different places just to maintain my hygiene. Then sometimes people wake me up in my car when I'm trying to sleep.

Well done for vacuuming your room! I know that felt better. Yes it was a hard thing to do, but some days you can do hard things. You just proved it. 😊 As a former sufferer, I can say that gardening was a big help in my recovery.

What? I can't be bothered to tidy my room, cook my own food, and deal with the challenge called life that EVERYONE is born into and has to deal with so .. give me free money. Jeez, everything that's wrong with the modern world.

Yep, I've made the decision to stay alone because drepression always makes it harder when someone else is in your life. Cleaning up, going out and meeting people and especially cooking. I used to make really good meals (Nothing like it sounds you're capable of though), and then depression comes and even remembering or following a recipe becomes impossible. Then even the slightest criticism drives you even further into depression. Being alone, you do criticise yourself a bit, but it's more bearable because there isn't another person relying on you. I hope you get though this and get to start making those awesome dinners again!

@@jamiewilliamson3161 I was depressed in 2016 It has gotten better

Profound psychomotor retardation, a common symptom.

@@klanderkal on the plus side it helps your budget

@@klanderkal do you take anything for sleep?

I'm homeless and don't even have a kitchen to cook in, and have to run to the gym everytime to shower... Which just makes functioning with depression THAT much harder 😢

@@Network126 so sorry where r u located ?

You can't dance or zumba depression away though

That's due to the fact that most people have what's called, a bedroom

I'm homeless and don't even have a kitchen to cook in, and have to run to the gym everytime to shower... Which just makes functioning with depression THAT much harder 😢