Let us not forget they never ever accept responsibility for themselves.

One correction: narcs don’t say “sorry.” Unless it’s “sorry you feel that way”

The best way to get even with a narcissist is to leave them and then succeed with your life because they think you can't make it without them!!! Amen!

The 32 people that disliked this video are narcissists 😂

Can you believe we gave these people the time of day? 🤮

They assume your morals are as low as theirs .. that’s what I’ve noticed. They act as if you think like they do and so treat you accordingly.

1 misconception the narcissist makes about the newly informed you: you are oblivious to their agendas. Knowledge is golden.

The 8 assumptions narcicists have about you: 1) You need to be told what to do 2) Your worth is contingent upon your conformity 3) You exist to satisfy the narcicists bidding 4) You'll never rise higher than second place 5) If they are wrong, it's your fault 6) When they're angry, it's up to you to change 7) What you feel is irrelevant 8) When others think highly of you, you're not deserving

#9 - You are NOT a "Team". As their "partner" they see you as competition, not their life partner or close friend.

Their assumptions are what make them gullible. Let them underestimate you for a while....then WHAM! Be everything they don’t expect. Lol.

The worst is having a narcissistic parent because you can’t just walk away from family like you can everyday people. It’s like having to deal with a tricky situation for life.

Or: you never do anything for me. You love the children more than me. You love the dog more than me. Truth be told - yes, I came to love the kids snd dog and even the guinea pigs more than him ...🤣

They never ever say they’re sorry. Nothing is ever their fault no matter what.

“Your worth is contingent upon your willingness to conform.” This is what makes the narcissistic parent so difficult to deal with as an adult child! You are never going to be an adult in their eyes, in the sense of being on the same level. You don’t have free will. If you’re not under their control, regardless of your age, they are not satisfied. There is no healthy way for that relationship to balance, because you are not equals!

The Narcissist who interacts with you through church, a club or events that involves others fluctuates between sucking up to you, especially in front of others, to being cold and ignoring you at other times. You a friend when they need you to be! They are not interested in your needs

You can give yourself permission to be who you want to be, but they are extremely persistent. I couldn't fight every day any more, I had to leave. They have no idea what's wrong with me that I would do that to them (leave). It's sad when you love someone but they give you no choice but to protect yourself from them.

After divorcing a Narc of 20 years, I found myself dating a guy for three months and looking back on it there were red flags all over the place. Glad I ran away screaming. I just stopped responding to him. I realized I needed to heal and get help. The one thing that always didn't set well with me was when I first met him he always acted like he new me oh so well! Always making nasty underhanded remarks like, yea I know what type of guys you like, (meaning abusive military guys because I worked for the military! Mind you my X husband never served the military and he was abusive) Bottom line when you met new men and they are feeling you out to date, and they begin with acting like the know you better than you know yourself and start assuming by telling you about yourself RUN.

"They will make wrong assumptions, and maybe it's just not my job to make them see the light." THANK YOU FOR THAT !

They are BORES. Narcs are unsuitable when you interact with them on so many levels ... it’s tiring really. Where do these subspecies spawn from? LOL

They are really afraid when another familymember earns more money..... that knocks them off guard

My narc spouse told me that my own friends (not his) only pretend to like me- so I called his bluff and let them know what he said. They were furious, and he was shocked that he had been outed.

Narcissist anger is a sight to behold isn't it? Blaming you for EVERYTHING!! I had a parent like this. It's taken me years to untangle all these knots. That nasty undermining is so true.

The best place to go, in dealing with all these narcissist assumptions, is away from the narcissist. When you stand on your own, as I tried to and did many many times, all you get is punishment from them. It is an unhealthy, non-existent relationship.

I was married to a narcissit/alcoholic/drug addict from the age of 17 to 30. Though I have recovered from that period of my life (and now 64 years of age) your videos have given me a greater understanding of my past life. Really enjoy listening to you! Enjoy seeing Gus too! Thanks so much

I was once told.."The reason you don't have what you want is because of your attitude". He wanted to rule my life but I was too independent for him. He would withhold his money trying to control me, but that didn't work.

I did some studying narcissism and one of the things that I took away from it was just assume you're talking to a haunted house.

It seems like they are under denial when you point out thier wrong doings

"They begin with the assumption that you have a built-in incompetence." "Why yes, yes you do."

My narc said to me yesterday "I'm sorry you are so grumpy hun and so unhappy " (duh!!) I said.." no. I'm really happy (with a big smile on my face). I'm just not happy when I'm with YOU !

After 52 years, I have had three wonderful children , three back operations and everything you said is true. When woman of my era was in this situations she stays for the children which the Narcissist uses against her. I worked full time and did the maintenance around the house. When I grew up I was taught to be grateful for the roof over our head and food to eat. My children are wonderful, independent adults. To any woman in my situation, I have no regrets, but once they are grown and can not be used as a weapon, garner your finances leave and do not look back. I lost my identity, health and self-respect when I went back. THE Narcissist will not change if you go back.

I have NEVER felt so understood. Thank you so so so much for what you do. These videos are such a gold mine!

I just can’t understand these people, or why they would want to be the way they are. 🤷‍♀️ They are everyone’s worst enemy, including their own.

Never get involve with an argument with a narcissiSt . Let the lawyer do it.

My experience has been that they DEFINITELY think in terms of Hierarchy!

After 27/28 years, 20 married. Today is the start of my healing. I just keep telling myself “nothing can kill me, except death itself”. It’s bittersweet at this point. Thank you Doc! I greatly appreciated your help this past year.

Gosh. Everything you say, sounds just like my parents and my ex and some of my children. Is it any wonder I go into the world being so insecure, afraid of what others think, and with low self esteem? Is it any wonder why I was so quiet as a child? I was afraid of people’s reaction ? Is it any wonder why I don’t have the career I wanted? Thank you so much for shedding so much light into all of this. It’s healing. As a very mature adult, I finally get it that I can have my own thoughts and ideas. If they don’t like it, then it’s their problem, not mine. Im finally growing up at a very mature age.

I have one at work who just started 6 weeks ago. I figured out he’s a narc within a few days. He made a mistake and raged about how it was everyone’s fault but his own. Total toddler.

9 years with a narc. Thanks to knowledge through videos like this it has enlightened me and now I'm narc free(4 months). I saw her a couple of weeks ago and she came running up to me and was being all nice and trying to hoover me telling me I look so well then I told her that I'm happy without her and I've moved on and that I wish her the best well you should have seen her whole being change like flicking a switch ,she was spitting venomous toxicity at me. Before I used to cave in and admit that it was all my fault when I used to question her about her behavior, her flirting, her desire to be center of attention. I AM SO FREE FREE FREE AND WILL NEVER EVER REPEAT NEVER EVER BE ASSOCIATED WITH A TOXIC PERSON EVER AGAIN IN MY WHOLE LIFE. Thank you good night and much love. Cheers dock.love you man.

"I wouldn't have done this if you hadn't..." And if he couldn't find what I supposedly had done wrong, then he made it up.

I found this episode amusing! I recognised each point remembering my mother's bag of tricks. When I was 45 she betrayed me by blaming me for a very serious deed she committed herself. That second my need for the recognition/love, which she withheld from her husband and children to spite her own mom, died. I drove her 2 hours to the airport without a word or a feeling. My eyes had opened that she enjoyed hurting us because her mother was wise to her and never gave in to her demands. She punished us. I was not accepting her rejection and put down any longer!!!! Luckily for me, as now at ,70 I have had a peaceful 25 years to enjoy. Everyone who recognises a narcissist in their circle, should leave them to their own devices.

People remember this. Is something you have to keep to yourself you can not share it with the narsist because he will taint what Dr Carter is saying. Keep to yourself 😊

I have never heard anyone highlight these aspects about narcissists but it is so valuable. My ex husband to a tee. If only someone had told me these things two decades ago. Or if only he had given me a good clap in the first month, I'd have recognized the abuse for what it was. Instead it's this insidious abuse that you, the victim, doesn't recognize as abuse and you don't understand why you're so miserable when, after all, you husband doesn't beat you up, isn't a drunk and doesn't have affairs (well, at least none that I waa aware of.)

This has really helped me to realize that there really was nothing I could do to have saved that relationship.

Thank You. It's a no win situation with someone like that. Eather forget it and get out or expect to suffer.

Imagine if you will, having been raised by these people and then going into society with these values.

When I watch these I can literally can recount conversations that went just like he’s speaking about. 😩

I've been researching for 4 years now, listened to hundreds of videos from many different sources after a failed 35 year marriage with my wife and her family. After I exploded 5 years ago on Christmas eve. With this one video you were able to describe all the feelings and resentment I had been feeling all those years but not able to put into words. Thank u, I can finally forgive myself.

My mother is one... my life has been hell because of her...

The best I can hope for is dad “acting” nice until he rages next time. Sad

I used to cry but every time I watch your videos I become stronger and happier 🤛🏼🤛🏼

You’re so right, there is zero reciprocity with the narc. And they’re allergic to the words, “I’m sorry.” My narc “friend” is comfortable with me as long as I’m playing second fiddle to her. She only thinks she knows me!

All your explained wrong assumptions were exactly what I have experienced with this N. since childhood. I have my own 9th wrong assumption. “She will be my property forever, and she will never disconnect!” I have claimed my right to mental freedom, and never have to give a pointless explanation again.

In some cases, they expect you know exactly what to do and they SHOULD NEVER have to tell you. A common excuse is if you're from the same culture, YOU should "just" know. If you try to abide but still do something in their eyes that is wrong, expect to hear about it.

When you become aware of what is going on, remember so few have ever changed, with years of work. So when you stop feeding the supply and become peaceful, expect things to fall apart.

Yes my ex is the silent punishing type. Silent treatments were a regular occurrence and they were excruciating because I thrive on peace and harmony. And he wouldn't admit he was mad, he said he was giving me space to think but I could feel his anger. Very upsetting. Glad it's over.

Why can't other people ( my family) see that I gave 35 years off trying to please and leaving was necessary for my mental health

#5 is so true "If they are wrong, it's your fault" My ex had agreed to changing when we do visitation with the kids one day, but when that day came, she forgot. When I texted her about it, it was my fault for not reminding her. Really? How about being an adult.

Narcissists must be some of the most disillusioned people ever. Several of my female family members.... ☹️

I just heard number one and started laughing so hard I had to turn it off for a minute!! That is SO right on, you have no idea! It actually feels good to just take a step back and laugh about it, now that I can see clearly what's been going on for 20 years... Thank you Dr. C ❤️

This is all so very true. My marriage is finally coming to an end after 22 years. I would love a video on how to work through the heartbreaking grief of moving on after such a long time of this. I truly appreciate your hard work in helping folks like me.

#5 is so SO true. If a person's preferred verbiage for apologizing for their own mistakes starts with "I'm sorry if you...", then it is a good chance that person is a narcissist. Cheers, Russ

Dr. Les, how do you keep coming up with these awesome topics?!? These videos are so helpful. Thank You!

‘ I give me permission to think differently ‘. Wow I Love that statement . I will live by that from today.👍🏾 Thanks Dr Carter.

Number 9: they wrongly assume that someone like Dr Carter doesn't exist, and that everyone of us listening to him, is one step closer to regaining our sense of identity!

Dignity. Respect. Civility. Coffee mugs too. Thank you.

You nailed everything. It's like you know him personally.

When you have an opinion, freedom and a choice, the devaluing begins. You will never be happy with these individuals. Everything mentioned was my ex... he was impossible to keep loving.

I just found this video series yesterday. Today, I am still in shock that I have suffered for 10 years never seeing the complete picture. I don't know how to feel about allowing myself to be manipulated for all this time. Part of me wants to cry and part of me wants to be angry. I hope I can maintain the strength to free myself and stand my ground because God knows a Narcissist knows how to make you pay!

When he said "if they appear to be wrong it's your fault" I screamed coz it happened to me for so long I started to believe it was. Thank GOD I'm out of that relationship.

if you have ideas of your own that disagree with theirs it must be that others are "putting ideas in your head" because otherwise you would fall obediently in line.

I've listened to numerous videos on narcissism in the past 18 months since going no contact with my narcisstic mother and narcisstic golden child sister. This video hit the nail on the head. My sister always treated me with a built in incompetence. Now, I know why.

Dr C you have just nailed it. I had been trying to work out for years whether my wife was a narc, and you have confirmed it point by point. Thanks. After six years' separation, however, I find that I am still caught up in /caring too much/ about my wife. It recently dawned on me why this is: It is that the narc's position of self-importance gets internalised by their co-dependent other. Subconsciously, I 'learned' to care more about her happiness than my own, and that is still with me. I need to think my way out of that sad state of mind, now!

You also really explained why I have NEVER been able to bond with them.

Wasted so much time on a narcissist. Trying to always figure out what l was doing wrong when he would just shut down & run away. I wasn't doing anything wrong. He just did this to hurt me

I had just agreed with everything the narcissist said in my three-month relationship with him. It was easy that way - placate him, humor him. I knew I was not going to be in that relationship much longer because he complained every time I disagreed with him. So I was waiting for an out and I got it when he screamed and yelled at me for stupid stuff. I just put his key on the counter and said this is your key and left. Totally liberating!

Thank you. I flushed out all the narcissists from my life. Or so I thought. Was building relationship with someone and found out what a narcissist with a genius IQ is like. Covert variety with genius IQ. Refused to trauma bond when set up to do in hospital. He does not have access to me. I am meeting people who are kind and who experience emotion as I do. They give of themselves as I do. I love your videos. This is good work. Thank you.

Thank you for this information. I have felt so isolated and inept at everything I have done for the past 25 years of marriage. After listening to your video I dont feel alone. It means so much. Thank you

Family or not, will not tolerate narcissists. My life is a gift, not a thing to tromp all over.

This bloke nailed it. I feel insignificant. Mum treats me that way. It's always about her needs. She treats my brother better and let's me know that my deelings don't count. Mum feels powerful since she kicked me out of her house. I'm going and will cut off contact with her & my brother. I wasted 40+ years of chasing after Mum to love me. I'm not going to anymore. I'm going to get my life back.

Allow people to be wrong about you and allow me to be me.

Dang, my internet just came on! Missed the live stream. Dr Carter, you have helped my heart to heal. Thank you for keeping me on the side of sanity. This old dog is still learning!

My ex had the nerve to tell me that I had a vertical mindset and this was not only his perception but also from people. When I asked him who these were he said that these people were everybody, and then, I put him on his place. Because these people were his flying monkeys. My ex expected me to be a yes-boyfriend and to eat up all his bullshits. In the end, he wanted me to pursue an open relationship with him when he was already cheating on me, but I didn’t know about it. I said NO. Later when he dumped me he expected me to be his friends! I said NO. He told me that he felt sad that I didn’t trust in the things that he was telling me about the perception people had of me and that he was trying to help me?! What a joke! He had again the nerve to tell me when I told him that I had no interest in remaining his friend that things were not like that to him, and then, I asked him, why did any of his exes want to talk or see you at all?! Therefore, why would I be the first one?! Nope! I love myself. When my ex noticed that things would not be the way he thought it would or that he could not manipulate me anymore, he lost his marbles. I had to involve the police and immigration on the situation. He lied to the police by saying that he had all the receipts of the furniture I had bought and that was the time when I realized that he could also be a psychopath because he was having fun by seeing me suffering. Less than one week after being dumped I found out that my had been cheating on me and his new boy toy was posting on social media pics of them as a couple. I found myself raked with hatred and anger. Happily, now I feel happier and lighter after knowing that I am not in a relationship with a bold face liar and a deceiver anymore. He stole money from me, kept personal stuff, .... but never my kindness. My ex got frustrated that he could not break me! He’s Canadian surrounded by so many opportunities that could make him have a better life, but he is a loser; addicted to drugs, as well as other issues! He told me that he also wanted to focus on his “career” as an excuse to hide from me that he was a cheater and was harassing me. I told him that he was a freak delusional person because since when making coffee was a career? I have a career since I am a professor beyond being gay in a country like Brazil. I make money because of all the years that I burned myself out, I travel a lot, while he has to steal and deceive his boyfriends in order to not look like the loser he is. Narcissists are VERY VERY dangerous people. They don’t know how to deal with reality. After this experience, if I happen to notice any sign of narcissism on anybody around me, I just run away! No need to explain myself to these people at all. Life is too short and we deserve to be happy!

You nailed it again Doc! I wish every adult in America would watch your videos and take heed. Thank you so much for what you do!

Do they at least feel that other narcissists are “on their level” or whatever? I’d love to hear more about this! They do kinda tend to work together.

Number 5!! It's too crazy for words! They actually believe that we just believe it! MADNESS!!!! It's literally mad!

I really appreciate the way Dr Carter tells it the way it is. No clinical garble. Love guss too.💜💜💜

Your value to them IS only your amount of willingness to conform to their will/delusions. They need an accomplice and can function in nothing in their own capacity on their own. Not even with sustaining their own individual thought life.

Another note on #8. "The people who are praising you are not really that great, themselves, so their praise doesn't amount to much."

“You are irrelevant “ dang that spoke volumes to me! Learning to decipher what’s in my yard and whether it’s mine or not.

When you tell them no or refuse to agree with them, they react like no one has ever done that before. And for most of them no one has. People are so intimidated by them that they always go along with them. Not me!

I thank God for you for being on my journey! Love ya!

I would really like to send him this video !! But, it's over already, and I know that it wouldn't change anything ! They don't learn anything from their failures, so it's senseless !! Thank you Dr. Carter , it is exactly how you describe it ,1-8 !!

Your videos have helped me to identify and break free from 39 yrs of narcissistic abuse and trauma.Its givin me HOPE that I can be free from the bondage of my co dependency issues!You are providing knowledge that I havent found anywhere else.Thank you!💗🙌

Thank you Dr Carter! Looking forward to having total freedom to just be me---and letting others be wrong.

I was a psychiatric nurse for years at a 3K bed institution. Interestingly, as one of a plethora of their defensive responses, narcissists will often call YOU narcissistic when you challenge them.

Omg the anger thing... it was always my fault... his lack of control of anger was blamed on me- it was always my fault for having said or done something that made him angry and it was his ‘duty to put me in my place’... oh man am I glad to be out of that relationship but it’s not no contact and we have to co parent and I still have to field such outbursts but at least I don’t need to live with that any more!

This guy hit the nail on the head with all of these points because it’s exactly what I’m experiencing with my significant other.

I really enjoy listening to your comments on " Narcissism" . I personally know a full blown Narcissist and it is a real challenge to get along with this person. I would just like to conclude by saying I was (still am) a Great follower of the late Dr. Wayne Dyer and you remind me very much of him. I look forward to viewing all your videos.

Dr. Carter, yes, you provide GREAT VALUE in the wisdom you share. Thank you very much for bringing sanity to a seemingly very sick world.

Him never bonding or being vulnerable was the one thing that was the hardest for me to understand or accept. As long as he got what he wanted, which was so superficial and selfish he seemed okay, at least for a while. I always thought it was fear of being hurt, not control, so I hung in there and kept trying. He could actually fake vulnerability really well with others when it came in handy and that was always so confusing to me. He could cry and seem all emotional one minute and be glaring at me the next. When we were in front of others he could turn on the charm and feign vulnerability and humbleness, even though 2 seconds later he was looking at me like he could kill me. Those looks are something I will never miss, it felt evil. 16 years of crazy, confusing, torment. These videos have continued to help me. I am so happy to understand the mask and be free.