As both a Kazuha and Wanderer main, this is so perfect and beautiful. Thank you so much, it means a lot to me

TW: derealization, depression, death mention the playlist starts with the "goodbye letter" from kuniku. he told they're going to see each other in a while. scara felt poor so he decided to take a vacation. after about two weeks kazuha called him by phone but the voicemail answered: "hi my love. tell me everything happened in your life". it was the last words from kuniku to kazuha. these are kazuha’s recollection of the occurrence. even so, he can’t believe it and tears pours down his cheeks. wind whispers him kuniku might be alive somewhere else. realisation. he remembers their first go-outs and asks the wind to bring his one and only back. the sadness expands and grows into despair, leading kazuha into the condition where he can’t cope with himself. losing his true soulmate beats him down. grief emerges in the heart and he suffers in pain. this loss feels worse than previous ones: his family clan, tomo.. kuniku was special. this boy was truly investigating everything like a kid. kazuha hopes kuniku died under the sky full of stars. apathy and painfully glassy eyes was everything that held him in reality. coming along with nature didn’t cured him at all: on the contrary, temptation of drowning in the sea seemed great. the first time when he experienced derealisation he thought he is going to die. the soul seemed to be in another place, he could not recognize his breathing, he wanted to cut off his hands - they seemed to him unreal. thoughts of kuniku was slowly killing him. surely, there were nights with better state, kazuha even started accepting the loss. unfortunately it didn’t turn well. his one and only was the only one who he dreamt about. they in the shadows of the smoke-fillied room. he cried lots of tears. those to whom he reached out for help were addictions [i personally think there were lots of drиgs or cigarettes-like especially in sumeru or in inazuma during the vision hunt]. it turned out in no way - when he was drunk the feelings was multiplying. meanwhile, the 40th day* was approaching. kazuha built a small altar, shrine for kuniku: there were his photo and a poem. kaedehara couldn't believe such a magnificent boy had been living with him. he was chosen by him. the feeling of being chosen encouraged kazuha. for a few days he was looking at the sky with bright stars telling: "we'll meet again, old friend. wait for me." probably, scara had reunited with katsuragi and presented kazuha to him. this mindset really healed him for a bit. as expected, every bright side turns dark one day. anguish. numbness. every thing with kuniku was so traumatic but kazuha couldn't help but thinking of him. he was asking for only one more moment near him. he wanted to say how much he loves kuniku. kazuha wanted to committ a seppuku. as the days go by, kazuha was wondering: "where is he? where is his love for life?". he couldn't face the truth. he was crying out loud pleases to come back but there was no answer. he set the small shrine for kuniku in inazuma. his visits were frequent and with each visit he brought flowers. he knew that kuniku watched at the colorful things with the gasp so every new flower was a different color. terror. anxiety. feel of death. hopelessness, void. kazuha was in hysteria daily. how? how did it happen? how will he survive without kuniku now? it was the person he thought he knew for a whole life.. why did he left him? shaking hands. tearing emptiness and pain inside him. voiceless cries. loss in space. panic. scare. those feelings were splitted - with every breath he took, he felt that death was getting closer. kazuha felt that the heart was about to stop. the whole lot was so distant. he sensed everything was so unfamiliar. this body didn't belong to him. he felt that his body was being eaten away by worms. THEIR bodies. what if kuniku is laying somewhere in the forest? time went by and kazuha accepted that the loss had changed him. was it the final straw? he did so well but this destroyed him. he wondered about their small talks. mouche was asking him to be by his side forever so kazuha agreed with his partner for life. kazuha told fairytales to his lovely. kuniku loved it. everytime he imagined it he cried. he doesn't need anyone but scara. kazuha's heart is his forever and always. numbness had been taken over him. this was a constant and prolonged pain that was very aching but at the same time calming. anxiety. now life of kazuha reminds nervous sobs after a long hysteria and emptiness, as well as a sore throat after silent screams and tearing voice crying. instead of neutrality kazuha feels it for now and forever. *There is a belief that the soul continues to wander the Earth for another 40 days after the initial death. While wandering, the soul visits significant places from their life as well as their fresh grave. At the end of the 40 days, the soul finally departs from this world.

please notice: it reflects the state of Kazuha so the playlist shouldn't be fully harmonized - once he feel established but the very next moment he feel down and depersonalized. the tracklist: 1. listen before i go - billie eilish 2. the night we met - lord huron 3. i was all over her - salvia palth 4. fourth of july - sufjan stevens 5. ミネラル・サウンド・オーケストラ - 夢現 (healing nature sound: the song of birds and frogs at ubud in bali) 6. you're not the same (slowed) - tilekid 7. neon moon - cigarettes after sex 8. august - taylor swift 9. death with dignity - sufjan stevens 10. pistol - cigarettes after sex 11. memoir #02 [06.12.09] - may roosevelt 12. forever & always - zeph 13. somewhere in the distance somewhere toward the mountains - flatsound

что бы в моей жизни не происходило, как бы она не менялась, я всегда возвращаюсь сюда. даже после самого легкого дня я здесь. иногда, когда очень сильно от всего устаешь, хватает малейшего повода для истерики. слушая этот плейлист, вспоминаю те единичные счастливые дни из моей жизни, и хочу плакать. как этот плейлист вытаскивал из такого состояния, так и затаскивает обратно. под него я учусь, веселюсь, плачу, и живу в целом. этот плейлист стал неотъемлемой частью моей жизни. жаль, что нет такого человека, с которым можно не стесняясь поделиться чувствами и получить хотя бы пару слов поддержки. когда усталость валит с ног, я включаю этот плейлист. когда ложусь спать, я включаю этот плейлист. всегда. я предъявляю автору очень большую благодарность за создание этого плейлиста. при его прослушке хочется плакать. всегда. очень редко я так сильно привязываюсь к плейлисту. множество благодарностей автору, от всей души.

oh, this is actually a pretty great playlist, thank you

one of my favourite playlists upd: my favourite playlist

я плачу

Literally me loving this playlist, giving me kazuscara angst vibes Love the song choices❤

люблю такое, спасибо плачу..

замечательный плейлист с предысторией, люблю такое, спасибо! ❤‍🩹

Thanks for this

I love angst. And I hate it. And I love it. I love you. 😭

im gonna cry stop 😭

DO YOU NEED THERAPY THIS IS SO SAD I CRIED RYIUWRWUER MY POOKIES I LOVE THEM SM😭😭🫶🫶🫶

I was okay and then the se one song started playing

can yoa say name song on 40:40 please? i cant find it

wait what’s the song at 14:50