When I say Jude needs an 'ace relationship' I mean and should have said Jude needs a sexless relationship! Thank you to Daniela for correcting me (if you want an explanation as to why saying 'ace relationship' is wrong her explanation is in the comment from the user Only If For A Page.) I apologise if I made anyone uncomfortable with what I said and always appreciate corrections of any of my language and/or actions.

Oh thank God I'm not the only one feeling this way. I hated it so much because Jude doesn't seem to have a personality except the trauma and disability which is like: you do realize disabled and traumatized people have more to them than solely being disabled and traumatized, do you? Jude just seemed like a vessel for whatever Yanagihara was trying to say. ✅

feels like she made a list of triggers and just built a story around it... great review

After I finished the book, I saw an interview with the author and she stated that she wanted to create a story where the main character never gets better. That really rubbed me the wrong way because Jude does get better. He was learning to open up to people, to be intimate, to take better care of himself. He stilled battled with his demons, still harmed himself, but for him he was getting better. It was like Hanya Yanagihara thinks someone can only be better if they are 100% healthy and that’s not the case. I believe he would have kept getting better had she not sabotaged the story by taking the one person he cared about the most away.

I feel so relieved to have found this video because I feel lots of readers really praise this book, but I felt so icky and unsettled after reading it. The last five minutes of this video are incredibly important. This review made me tear up way more than a Little Life ever did.

As a bisexual man with cerebral palsy that has had some traumatic experiences in the past (way less severe than Jude’s of course) I started this book thinking I’d find some relatable representation. Then I went on and the story kept feeling more and more insincere, , exploitative. Like it wasn’t at all interested in showing the actual process of overcoming trauma and reconnecting with oneself. So: I got curious and searched for author interviews to understand what her goal was and when she answered all questions with answers like: “I didn’t do any research on mental health, the idea was to create a character that never gets better” and I instantly thought: wow! She seems so reckless it scares me a bit.

As someone who suffered from abuse at a very young age and has self harm and other body image problems I don't think the representation of how characters react those topics is necessarily what makes the book wrong (of course, these are very touchy topics so everyone is entitled to their own opinion), I didn't find any problems with the amount of pain Jude went through in his past life, sure, it's a lot, but for my experience sometimes life can be a series of unlucky events BUT everything stopped being a legit representation of a shitty life and delved into trauma porn as soon as Willem died, that moment flipped the whole book narrative to me and made me realise that the author just wanted to fetishise pain itself and was not interested in representing actual characters and their stories anymore. Reading interviews to the author, yeah, she just wanted to write a sad story to voyeuristicly entratain herself appropriating the sometimes true experiences of people just to fuel her eroticism for trauma, and that's disgusting.

something I don’t like abt this book is that Malcolm and JB are given excruciatingly long and intense backstories in the intro to the characters - they’re meant to be the MAIN characters but then 1/3 of the way through they’re even less important to jude’s life (aka the plot) than other side characters like Richard or Harold - who are not given big ass backstories so it adds to my frustration especially considering how long the book is.

Thank you so much. I was discharged from the military as to being disabled from PTSD. Time over time I was called broken and at times I was thinking it but the author wrote this book as if this characters destiney was to commit suicide. He was disabled mentally as well and that's something that disabled people can thrive off of. I was sexually assaulted too many times to count and forced by serious relationships that I was in that I got numb to it. I guess like the book. The difference is, where is the light at the end of the tunnel? There is one. I am not living anymore...I'm thriving and could'nt imagine being in a happier mental state🥰 I've learned to accept and appreciate my emotions and triggers and to call my brain down. It took time but I WANTED help and I feel like many people struggling want help too. I wish the author painted us in a better picture because this makes us sound "weak and broken" but we may be the strongest.

A better books about how childhood sexual trauma can follow a man while giving that man AGENCY and having a bitter sweet but hopeful ending is the Kite Runner.

i finished this book about 30 mins ago after pushing through for 2 months. TERRIBLE. and as someone who is chronically disabled i felt just floored. what was the message? my life has no meaning, i should be sad all the time and to end it?

As a disabled woman, thank you for making this video. I'm totally subscribing

ok im sorry just one more thing: this book + the curious incident seem to point toward a trend where writing disabled characters without doing research is highly rewarded, which i HATE! its not only bad in content but its also bad writing, bad work, they did a bad job and i have a feeling - as usual, could be wrong - that writing without research on any other topic does not win the book any awards

I already didn’t want to read this book because it sounded like “pain porn” and just straight up emotional manipulation, but to know that is about a disabled person and the author thinks it’s okay to not have done any research on it actually made me angry. Wtf book tube?

That's so interesting, I actually really loved this book. If I had read this book prior to beginning my career in nursing, I may have thought that it was over the top, however within Jude I see some of my patients. Sometimes life doesn't seem to give people a break. Sometimes it's just not fair. That's why I never considered this book as being "trauma p*rn"- I've seen so much trauma just going to work. I also liked how all of the characters had their unlikeable moments. I thought it was a very real perception of friendship, and I never was under the impression that the book was trying to label any characters as good or bad. The book also made me feel seen, in a way, with past traumas that I am still resolving. Seeing my thoughts written on paper by someone I've never met made me wonder if Hanya has went through something similar to me and many others. I love how the book could be interpreted in so many different ways. It's a great conversational topic because no interpretation is correct or incorrect. All interpretations of the book are valid because we all have our own unique past which influences how we interpret it. I'm sure Hanya has her own interpretation of the book too which we may or may not agree with. Love a good book like this that makes you think :)

[spoilers] I don’t even think I needed a happy ending, just some HAPPINESS. Jeez Louise I knew as soon as it was proposed that Willem felt feelings for Jude, that yanagihara was going to ruin it and that’s when I mentally checked out of the book. Had he and willem actually found true happiness together, had he healed enough to enjoy willems company, or start to believe that willem really loved him and he was worthy of it, or had willem ACTUALLY been patient with Jude and gone all in like Andy said, and then something tragic happened at the end, it would’ve broken my heart ten times more. By the time their relationship started to develop I knew the book would end the way it did with some lazy excuses as to why it would never really be a good relationship and Jude would end his life. If I had finally gotten to not a state of perfection with Jude, but to a place of contentment, and then she wanted to break our hearts with his death or willems death, I’d say okay fair. But like you said, the way she drug his trauma and pain along so statically, just made me feel nothing. I’ve struggled with trauma, self harm and suicidal behavior/actions. I see why people relate to Jude. But in my opinion, if I wanted to use my experience to break peoples hearts the way the author used Jude’s to try and break ours, you have to include the moments of contentment. The times I have felt most brutally sad were not when I was at my lowest, but when I had finally reached contentment and realized how much there was to lose. Jude never gets there truly. You never get to a point where you feel that contentment with him and think “oh god, if the author rips this away from us, it’s going to hurt so bad.” You only ever know despair, Jude believes he will never know happiness and Hanya yanagihara makes it so, instead of actually trying to challenge that. He doesn’t have to become a neurotypical person by the end of the book, or become magically healed of all his issues. But the fact that there is no growth, NO healing from the time he’s a teenager to the time he dies is such a cop out to me. If you’re gonna write about the complexities of mental illness, write it in a complex way. I think the book was lazy at best and exploitative at worst.

As someone with an invisible disability whose pain was passed over time and time and time again until I physically could not go on and to be three years later without the barest of accommodations or financial stability I grieved the life I thought I would have, but I have long stopped feeling any frustration outside of the hoops that I can't jump to prove I am worthy of respect, value and accomodation. Having a disability is hard but the way people treat and ignore the needs of disabled people is far harder (in many cases). And that is not the story we are told.

I'm so glad to see somebody talk about the unfavorable parts of this book. The fact that the book's premise is that some people are too broken to be fixed while the book is also about a disabled man is so disheartening, I hate that a book this stereotyped and harmful has gained as much traction among non-disabled audiences as it has. The bit where you talked about JB being fixable because he is able-bodied whereas Jude is too far gone because he is disabled was a comparison I haven't seen other people make, but I'm glad you said it. I had a similar realization where I was unable to really resonate with Jude's trauma or to feel sad or upset for him because I had found that his childhood and backstory were so unbelievable it felt almost like a mockery, or a show- and after finishing the book and thinking about it for a few days, I can only come up with more and more things I found unsatisfactory or problematic. Thank you for the CC on this video, I enjoyed listening to your thoughts :]

I am so relieved to see that someone else is angry about the trauma po*n content of this book. It's honestly disgusting to me.

as a disabled person who struggles with daily suicidal thoughts thank you for your passion in defending us, especially in the end of the video. i was really moved, thanks for sticking up for us so eloquently. ❤

Ma'am you are completely right! The last 3 years I constantly read reviews about this book and I agree with everyone either way, because I loved it but totally see its flaws. But you are the first who made me realize that this book it's like a manipulating partner with whom you are so in love that you can't realize their harm.✅

Whew I never planned on reading this because it seemed like trauma p*rn to me, but that little feeling of FOMO was definitely creeping up because everyone seems to love it so much. So this swiftly kicked the fomo away

Jude stays toxic even when surrounded by the most caring loving people imaginable. the ending is so meh, what is the writer's point? Trauma, trauma, trauma, OK, we get it, but no redemption whatsoever, better read Crime and Punishment. In the end Jude makes me feel so cheated, I have wasted my time reading 700 something pages of this book.

Oh thank God I'm not the only one! I went into this book with my eyes open. I knew that it was extremely triggering, that there was some very intense content, so I looked into it, I read the triggers, and I went forward. And I had the same exact journey. I felt disgusted in the beginning but as it went on I felt less and less and less. See, 2 years ago I had a crisis. A mental health crisis. And I just couldn't see a way forward. There was something going wrong with me. Medically, physically. Something that was triggering my mental health stress and none of the doctors could figure out what was going on and I just couldn't see how much longer I could bear it. So I had myself admitted to psychiatric care. For a week. I told myself "giving up is not an option" and I went on from there with that mentality. I fought like hell. And it was hard. I spent two years in therapy, a year with a psychiatrist figuring out medication. I had relapses, I had very hard days, and I did all this while still maintaining a full-time job. It wasn't easy but I fought like hell and I'm still here. So, this character pissed me off. And it was even more offensive because my favorite name is Jude. Eventually my doctors did figure out what was wrong and my medication stabilized. It's been a tough road but one I'm glad I took. Because even in that darkest moment where I couldn't see a way forward, didn't mean there wasn't a way forward. So for her to write someone who is so totally beyond redemption, validating the characters own thoughts about himself that he was dirty and disgusting and not worth anything, that just pissed me off. Too much. They should have cut out the counselors at the home after he was rescued from brother Luke, and Dr. Traylor. And even the other monks. Because it's just too much . I was hoping for some sort of connection with this character, some sort of mental health representation. But to see a character that was written to never get better? Better? Just a slap in the face. I had to fight like hell, Jude never fights. Try! Oh and by the way, the Andy character? He should have had his license revoked and he would have served jail time if this were in any way, a realistic story. Administering medical care outside of working hours, without oversight, that would have cost Andy his medical license. He would have been expelled from the medical community for malpractice. And not admitting. Someone that he knows is self-harming and has severe psychological issues? Someone who has attempted taking his own life? That is just in itself. Malpractice. That goes against the first rule that doctors are supposed to stand by, first do no harm. Andy, in enabling Jude, I think caused more harm to Jude than he helped

YES YES, a millions times yes. I agree with everything you said. This book is problematic in the extreme and gives me "15 year old edgelord trying to write the worst possible scenarios they can think up" vibes. I tried with this book multiple times and my brain just kept asking "Why are you doing this to me?".

I really appreciate you stating that you disagree with the notion that there is a level of trauma nobody can pull you back from. Too many people use their "trauma" as a weapon to bully people. People who really have trauma don't want to have it. They don't bask in it to obtain special treatment. Even the worst trauma is recoverable. Whoever reads this, know there is help for you if you have trauma you desperately want help from. There are solutions.

I've been avoiding this book for YEARS despite all the hype because of the mile long trigger warnings list, and based on your grievances expressed here it looks like the right decision. I felt so angry just listening to this 😭 I'm especially surprised to hear that Yanagihara didn't do any research before writing Jude's character despite how prominent his disability is

I don't disagree with everything you said but one of the things I think you got completely wrong was Willem's character. He wasn't perfect but he also wasn't the monster you made him out to be. He wasn't good at confrontation but he still went out of his way to ask jude if he enjoyed sex which jude lied and said yes. Willem could sense something was off but couldn't be sure bc jude always put up an act and verbally assured him. It wasn't till he catches on that sex = more cutting that Willem confronts him again which leads to that big fight. Willem basically forces him to admit that he doesn't like sex bc jude wouldn't say it himself and respects his boundaries even when jude later tells him they can have sex but Willem continues to respect him by saying no. The problem you have with jude, Malcolm, Willem and Harold is that you want them to be perfect, say and do all the right things, be the perfect friends and never make mistakes or have flaws. You expect a traumatized and disabled character to not be traumatized and indenial about the horrible things that happened to him, all of which is unrealistic. If you wanted to read a story where all the characters are perfect, don't have short comings, don't deal with trauma, self-esteem issues, and has a happy ending, you were never going to find it here. And just bc you didn't it doesn't mean it's a bad written book, it's just not one for you

One thing i would like to say if how you mentioned you felt desensitised - this is how people who go though a lot of abuse feel, when it just keeps happening you don’t feel anything

This is such a powerful review! My heart broke for you at the end. I hope it was cathartic for you in some way, so you can shake it off sooner rather than later. Also, Im so tired of this glorification of everything dark and miserable. As if it is somehow more true to the human experience just because it leaves you hopeless - as if that is not just as overly simplified and predictable as everything being all sunshine and rainbows - and much more depressing. I cant fathom ever writing something with the sole intention of making people unhappy or wanting to communicate that some people are beyond hope. No one is beyond hope, ever. Thats what hope is.

I read this book like...2 years ago and really liked it, because as someone with my own share of trauma, i could just relate a lot to Jude in some ways. He felt like my own worst thoughts and moments written into a character, and in a way that just made me feel seen, on a very personal level. But watching your video and thinking back with now a bit more knowledge and sensibility on disability issues...yea i can totally see why you didn't like it, why the depiction of disability is so problematic - and i don't know if i would like the book now either if i were to read it again. Also, the book should have had a HUGE trigger warning. Right at the cover, or before each chapter, and i mean it seriously. That's one thing i was actually really mad about when i read it first, because i mainly picked it up as the description sounded like a really nice ...well, found family and friendship trope, maybe a little sad, but you know, nothing too big - at least i just didn't expect anything major. So i went into it without having ANY clue and it subsequently did really trigger me at certain parts. It's just majorly fucked up to write such an explicit book about someone with trauma but then not take any precautions to shield the actual, living people with trauma who end up reading it. But i guess that's an overall theme - from the interviews i watched it has also dawned me that whilst this is a book about a person with disability and trauma + posttraumatic disorders, it is also...just not been written with these people in mind, at all. Which is both ironic and really sad.

wow, i’m so happy i decided to not pick up this book time and time again. how are you writing a disabled character and doing ZERO research?! that level of arrogance is shocking and i can’t believe it’s the first time me hearing about that in relation to this book. it sounds like such an exhaustive read, i don’t know how you made it through 800 pages.

Olivia saying “la-de-da” while angry is the most intimidating thing I’ve ever seen. NO research!? How...oh my-the research YOU did and the info you gleaned is... alarming. R word. Wow I can’t even continue this comment because I’ll just end up repeating it all back at you. I’m astounded.

As you know I really liked this book, but I think all the points made in this review are valid and well put. I had a feeling I would like this book - I’m yet to post my wrap up - but I was sort of hoping I wouldn’t because I’m so bad at explaining all the nuances and little threads that it pulled that made it a “good” book for me. I had read all the negative reviews before going in and after I finished it I was like “oh crap I loved it will I be able to explain how that could be?” I can see how this could easily be a triggering book and not only for disabled people, but people that experience abuse, mental health problems and self loathing /harm for any given reason. This is not an uplifting narrative and I think it’s important people know this going in, don’t get me wrong, I love positive books and uplifting narratives and stories but I do find the value in a negative and hopeless one that doesn’t go as we wish it would, that doesn’t condone, doesn’t save, doesn’t get better. This book made me think a lot, about people that don’t wanna be saved, about forced treatment, about willingness to live and how much of ourselves we should put aside to make other people happy. I know this comment will be very reductive and can’t convey all my thoughts and feelings but this book really moved me and made my brain work so much. Having said that, I can understand, even agree with the rage you have towards it and I especially agree on the lack of research the author did on all the topics discussed (I watched her interviews after reading as well) although I do think she got lots of things right I think she did it a bit too light heartedly and without the grace and respect it deserved. I do believe disability was used as a prop to add to all Jude’s misfortunes and this can be wrong in so many ways *spoilers* but I don’t think he killed himself because he was disabled, I think he killed himself because he was beyond broken on every level and I don’t think he was right, but he did have the right to do so (and I know we could disagree as it is a very sensitive topic). I’m not trying to convince you at all of course, but just wanted to explain how I felt and what I think… I’m so sorry this book made you feel this way (not for the book cuz who cares, but for you, as you seemed very emotional and hurt) so I hope I don’t sound disrespectful or like I’m trying to justify the author or the story. I hope you still like me after this 🙈

Couldn't agree more! Thank you for this spot on review and your honest rage ❤ In one Interview Hanya says that she has never been to therapy and I think it shows. The message I got from this book was: 'Some people are just so broken that it is better to give up on them, because nothing will ever help them.' Thanks for nothing Hanya really...

I think the point of the book is to show how all people are unlikable at some points of their lives. They could love someone deeply and at the same time not find words to confront them, not say the right things, be naive etc etc. Seems like your main problem with the book besides fair points about research is that the characters are unlikable because they don’t do what is considered “the right thing” to do. But that’s the point. People don’t always do the right thing, or find the right words and it doesn’t mean they’re inherently bad people. It sounded like “I would have done this and that and this for Jude and they didn’t”. But again that’s the point. Everyone is different.

If I could review this book in one word it would be: disrespectful. I agree with your entire review and thank you for going against the grain on this one, because for every one negative review there are so many more that are glowing and I cannot understand why anyone would like a nihilistic book like this.

Finally, an actual good honest review of this book. I just finished reading this book today and I couldn’t put words to my feelings because I feel like I felt nothing throughout the whole book and didn’t shed a single tear reading it, just angst and anger like you do while I see every other reviews of people reading, crying, sobbing over this book and it got me questioning myself like Do I not have emotions anymore? Is there something wrong with me? Why am I not feeling anything? which is weird because I’ve cried over other sad books before and I was expecting this book to hit me the hardest, but it didn’t And I couldn’t put into words why but I think I get it now after watching your video. The points you made are so valid and well done and the way you explained it made so much sense, probably made even more sense than the whole book. Thank you for doing a review that gives a different perspective, an eye-opening one, compared to all the other reviews.

Wow. Honestly, I didn't have any interest in this book before, based on the synopsis and some other reviews I'd seen, but this just confirmed that x1000. I appreciate you calling out some elements that other reviewers ignored, too.

Before you started talking about this book on instagram, I'd been already almost decided I wasn't going to read it because I don't like tragedy P books but your comments solidified my decision that this book wasn't worth my time so I was able to watch the entirety of this video. It was super interesting to hear your thoughts, thanks for sharing! Now I'm even more sure I wouldn't have liked it and wouldn't have agreed with the messages as well... I've barely heard anyone mentioning that the main character is disabled and I'm not here for able-bodied authors (who don't even do any research - that's just baffling) using disabled characters to manipulate the emotions of the readers... One comment that made me pause, though, was when you mentioned that Jude was s-repulsed (not sure if YT would censor me) and needed an ace relationship - I don't know if you meant it that way but it kind of sounded like generally equating being s-repulsed with being ace, and being ace with s-less relationships. I find the phrase "ace relationship" weird on its own - it might make sense if we're talking about a relationship where at least one person is ace but I don't think it's saying anything about their intimate life at all :- ) Basically, I don't think we should be using "ace" to automatically mean s-less because not all ace people are s-repulsed and they have all kinds of relationships that aren't necessarily defined by their orientation (and the same kind of applies for using it in a context when it's more about behavior than identity). I felt hesitant about bringing this up and maybe some other people on the ace spectrum would disagree with me but I thought you might like to know that hearing that part was quite jarring for me. 💛

I had to watch this immediately! I watched a few interviews since we finished in which she said she didn't do research about those things too. It seems that she did a lot of research on the jobs the characters do and maybe that’s why you enjoyed that part but nothing about disability etc. Adulthood can be lonely but yes I didn't like that message at all!! Great review I agree with everything you said 💜💜

This is such a well thought out and intelligently conveyed review. A lot of things that seemed to unconsciously bother me and I couldn't put it into perspective, you hit the nail on them.

thank you for such a thorough review! i already wasn’t going to read the book since i felt that it was leaning too far into tragedy p-n but to hear how genuinely over exaggerated the scenes regarding trauma, mental illness, and disability are have sealed the fact that this book is only for shock factor. thank you! you’ve found a new subscriber :)

I do agree with the fact how the trauma was too overwhelming to the point it was unrealistic and the lack of female characters bothered me too. However i feel like a lot of your critic is because you want your characters to be perfect, but their flaws are what made me love the book. He knows what he should do but he is too scared. The characters were realistic, they felt like real people.

Old video, but the part where you said you liked hearing people talk about their jobs was so relatable, sometimes i just watch them "day in my life" videos on youtube for ages bec of how entertained i get

Wow I didn’t know there was a disabled main character either! The way I am so happy I unhauled this book awhile ago! I’ve noticed a lot of problematic elements of the plot (from reviews) but also with the author. This was a great review, thank you for discussing the book!

Thank you ! I absolutely hated this book ! Why do people want to write traumatic untrue stories about situations they know nothing about . It felt like a long drawn out story of abuse written by someone who possibly has never experienced it and therefore shouldn’t try to dramatize and just create new depths of pain . Truly would never recommend this book To anyone

I always felt a bit iffy about this book, and I never even read it. Whenever people talked about it, it always struck me as t*rture p*rn-esque. Now watching your video I'm just honestly... disgusted? Rubs me the wrong way that this is so freaking popular, ngl... but who am I to judge, right? Great review!

I really appreciated your review, it was so well put-together. I disliked this book for the unhealthy relationships, the off-hand dismissal of therapy and the lack of discussion of Jude’s quality of life, especially based on the interview of the author which I also watched to try and understand what was meant by this book… Thank you for posting this 💟

thank you so much for this review! this book seems more like something that's only popular for its shock factor. but it doesn't bring anything meaningful or fulfilling to the table. also, i really REALLY appreciate you captioning your videos! what an eloquent review

You put it into words perfectly! I had finished this book a few months ago and I felt so unsatisfied. I also really love the found family trope and its just so disappointing how much she isolated Jude in his thoughts and didn’t allow him to rely on his family and friends to work through and learn to cope with his insecurities but instead made him basically spiral into worse and worse suffering.

Damn, you put literally everything I was thinking into words. Especially the emptiness at the end because at some point you get full body dragged out of book when everything just ends up seeming like it's for plot, just to torture Jude that much more. Like, I'm not saying these things aren't possible but, it almost feels like a reverse deus ex machina? Where the plot BENDS around Jude to make him suffer..

thank you for making this video. as someone who did enjoy the book when I first read it a few years ago, I never really thought about it from this perspective at all so it was really eye-opening to hear you speak about it from your point of view.

i agree completely. i haaaated this book so much. it was basically trauma porn for people living without disabilities (or at the very least, the author). it's so awful and just...the opposite of entertaining 😔 like this fit every descriptor for "shock value" and it's disgusting honestly.

I just finished this book a couple of days ago and I had the SAME EXACT FEELING at the end. At the end it became more of this pity party for Jude, and it was so drawn out and I was so desensitized to his tragedy, his trauma, his passive aggressiveness at not wanting help and I was OVER IT. I wanted it to end and when it did, done. I felt nothing. NOTHING. Bravo for this review because it explained exactly how I felt. Harold picking and choosing when to interfere and when to not interfere did not fit his character. Same with Willem, he could have freaking pushed those questions, CONFRONT YOUR FRIEND ABOUT IT! UGH. This rant is exactly my thoughts!

I just finished the book and I agree that it is way too long, a lot of parts deliver basically the same message that makes them redundant. However, I do really like it in general. I guess age and life experiences have a lot to do with it. I find its portrayal of friendship and human nature very realistic, that there is a limit to how much we can help people that suffer so much, no matter how close we are to them. Humans are complex and trauma cuts deep, so deep that your body keeps the score. The novel delivers that message very well. Characters like Harold and Willem sometimes are even too good to be true, too selfless to Jude to be true. Life is unfair and Jude is born a victim. There is pain that cannot be erased or diluted... the more I grow older the more I realize that.

I can't believe I found a review I actually agree with! I thought I was the only one who was angry, not sad like everyone said, just angry. The fact that no-one NO ONE (including a doctor!!!) helped him and just ley him keep on hurting himself Also, something I would have like is the addition of a character who had gone through similar experiences ( a women preferably, like you said WHERE ARE THE WOMEN??) The author could have talked about whats the reactions when a man its sa. There were so many things that made me so upset and I didn't feel any sadness at the end

Thank you so much for articulating better than I could why this wasn't a book I could read. I appreciate your analysis!

This was so cathartic for me cause I just finished it and I fully agree w/ everything you said. - The book was 250+ pages too long. - You could replace every word on a chapter to “I’m sorry” and it wouldn’t even be that different from the original chapter lol. - Representation is cool but doesn’t shield a work of fiction from criticism, like it doesn’t make it perfect. Specially when most (if not all) of the groups represented aren’t depicted in the best of ways or with nuance. - Trauma and mental illness are explanations not excuses for your behavior. This whole book felt like one big excuse for Jude’s actions. - 40+ year old men talking like that? Idk how to explain it but it felt like they were written like if they were still 18-20. Ugh, I could continue but I’m literally exhausted of talking about the book….. and I JUST finished it lol.

it sounds like a book written for people who haven't experienced anything in it but want to feel like they understand superficially.

As I always say: "sometimes, life is too short to encompass so much suffering. As they say, thankfully there is death".

Finally somebody gives a real review!!! I’ve read a little life as a school assignment and my teacher asked me if I’m okay with it be being sad and everything , she also told me that it’s one of her favorite books. I told her that it’s fine and that I was prepared , but when I finished the book I was really confused. How can this book be somebody’s favorite ? You start the book and from the beginning it tells about Jude’s mental problems and throughout the book it just keeps going . I just didn’t have a moment to connect, because the whole book was about Jude harming himself or either somebody harming him. Yes there are a couple scenes where he’s interacting with people and we can see him as a person , but they were just so rare and many of them felt like something I don’t need. You’re totally right it’s too long , many scenes could have been cut out, the book itself is exaggerated , Jude’s character is over fixated on his disability, William is unlikable , JB is annoying. Back to the teacher . After I finished the assignment my opinion about her went down. P.S. writing this in the middle of the video so that I don’t forget what I wanted to say. If I got something wrong. Sorry.

I already had no intention of reading this book because of the subject matter. But you review would have made me trash it even if it was on my list. I could feel the intense anger and sadness and disappointment that you were experiencing just talking about this book. I'm sorry you had to read it, but I also appreciate you reviewing it.

This was a powerful video, Olivia. It was "hard" to watch because I really liked this book and its view on how trauma can affect you so much (I read it almost 3 years ago, I think). But now that I am more aware of some issues around ableism (partly thanks to you and your content!), I am thinking about it again. I was maybe mostly touched by Jude's mental health problems and I did not see the blatant ableist narrative around his physical disability being what he thought to be the "worst" thing about him. I now see how it is harmful and how I need to read more books by disabled authors. Your video definitely brought up so much important points and it will certainly keep me thinking about this! Thank you for your work

I love this book. It's amazing. Sometimes people have bad lives throughout their whole lives. I can totally relate to Jude and this story.

I read this book in translation and I agree with you 100%! I think I enjoyed the first 200 pages or so as the characters were introduced but then it kept rambling on and on about the same things, didn't really care about the characters, it felt like reading some kind of "pain soap opera" and the message it sends is just wrong

Absolutely loved and agreed with your comments, and I appreciate how you separated out spoiler warnings for the video too, though I had already seen the play. I appreciate the way you did it anyway. And I completely agree with you on many fronts.

Thanks for making this review! I had been planning to read this book. This made me realize that I am not in the emotional position to read something like this. I as a disabled person with trauma, reading a book written by an abled bodied person about how I'm doomed and beyond salvation isn't exactly what I need right now.

olivia you SNAPPED WITH THIS ONE👏🏼👏🏼

Thank you for doing this. I do own a copy of this book (which I have not read), but so far I have seen only a few reviews and so far they have all been positive. Partly why I grabbed it is because I like the trope where there is this group of friends and something just implodes in them. And also I like books that punch me emotionally and I was told that that will be done here. I did not know about ableism or the message that you are alone when you are an adult. I'm sorry, that is bull. So thank you for doing this and actually explaining the problems in this book.

I know I'm late here but as a csa & disabled person I just can say I agree and I'm so thankful that you're speaking out about it ❤

I've thought about reading this for a while now because I've got fomo when I see people read it. But I always hesitate because I heard mixed things and I don't think it's for me. Just like with The Priory of the Orange Tree, you've managed to soothe my fomo haha

Great review! I had just finished this book and loved it but your review gave me huge insight into other perspectives which I had never considered. Although I loved the book, I hated the fact that Jude refused to talk about his issues with his closest friends and that they also accepted his refusal despite knowing Jude clearly needed help. Definitely not a good message, and your review hits the nail on the head!🤘

Thank you!! I'm really curious why some people enjoyed this book. As someone who did go through a ton of trauma growing up, I have a negative perspective on a book that uses abuse this way. I also feel like if you plan to write a book about such a triggering topic...the author should've done as much research as possible.

Omg, thank you thank you, i agree so much, this book made me feel so enraged. I couldnt get why people like it. You took all the words right out of my mouth, and i almost wanted to cry watching this. Your so right. I hope more people watch this before picking up this book.

👏👏👏👏✔️ I loved this review. I could feel the emotions you were going through as you spoke, which is more than I can say about the characters in the novel when I read it. My favourite thing in a book is when I can feel the characters emotions and I never expected to get that same feeling in a book review. I hope somebody was there to give you a hug and maybe some baked goods or a new puppy to cheer you up after you finished filming. 🍰🐕

I picked up this book a couple of years ago and didn't realize what a phenomenon it was. I thought it was too depressing to get through and its nice to hear I'm not the only one who didn't love it. I liked the story of the friend group at the beginning that falls by the wayside 1/4 of the way into the book, I agree Dr Traylor seemed like overkill and that there aren't any strong women characters, and I think the idea that some people are beyond help is what makes the book so painful to read. As you said, it sends a terrible message to readers and I just don't think its true. I'm not disabled or a victim of abuse but I struggle with depression and that was enough to make the book difficult to get through.

Ooof, I knew this was going to be bad when you said the author didn't even bother to do any research before writing. It's already bad enough when authors write disabled characters after only researching things written by non-disabled people, but to not even do THAT is just embarrassing and rage-inducing.

I don't think everyone should read this book. However, I think you've missed the point about the disability (or at least everyone has their own interpretation). The suffering of Jude was not the suffering of someone who was just 'disabled', his true disability comes from the trauma he had psychologically endured. That the difference between Jude living a full life with his friends, his lover, his family, his wealth and success was (as Hanya puts it) 'a bag of razors'. A suffering that is beyond the physical, and without William, Jude has nothing left to live for. No reason to stay alive. I do agree the abuse was excessive but I don't know if it could have been the book that it is without it.

✅Solid analysis. Agreed, the first half of the novel was moving, then it hit a threshold where I just couldn't be bothered to invest feeling into the narrative cause I honestly felt manipulated by the author. Jude was made to suffer mellow drama for the sake of it, that's all I got from the story. It was pointless. Yanagahara did a disservice to her readers and the topics she covered.

This was so interesting! I read about half of the book and dnf'd it as it was a bit too much traumafor me - and the stuff you say that the author said in interviews is so interesting - esp around just piling stuff on. Siân x

✔️ Thank you so much for this review! I've heard people left and right practically rave about this book and how it made them so emotional etc but the huge amount of content warnings has always put me off (it rang the trauma p bell there). Listening to your thoughts made it clear that it isn't "simply" a book that's hard to read due to ist themes that my own mental illness keeps me away from, but a horribly problematic take on disability, trauma, abuse and the countless other topics it shoves into the reader's face. And the fact that the author *didn't* do any research? How dare they and how dare they be celebrated for this…

This is a great review. I never had any desire to read this book, and every single concern I had about this book, you have proved to be founded. Thanks for sharing. I will never read this 😅

Forgive me for not watching the whole video I was short on time so apologies if I'm missing crucial information but I just had to say that I'm not sure if Jude classifies as "disabled" per say? His unbearable pain and the eventual outcome are the result of a brutal attack that he believed he deserved it. He was completely shut down from an outside view which if you look at guys from Vietnam back is kind of the norm. Anyway I'm open ended on that. Second I thought all the characters minus Jackson were great. Beautifully imperfect human beings. JB loved his friends that was covered time and time again. That's why he painted them. He was their biggest fan. He also failed them and it tore him apart. He failed himself. Third the degree of detail allowed me to understand Jude more deeply and be more patient with him as a result. It allowed me to ebb and flow with his character. A lot, maybe too much? but to me it felt transparent and necessary to understand the severity of his reactions. And last that story was about love and trust and how sometimes we can't love enough or let ourselves be loved despite every opportunity and justifiable reason. And that's just the reality of life. There was so much beauty, compassion, intimacy in this book. Harold is one of my all time favorite characters. It all hurt because they loved so deeply . The bad doesn't obliterate that, it exists with it. People do die without being healed. Everyday. It hurts so bad and this books out that reality. Some people are completely on there own, even if they're not. Those are stories worth telling.

Yes! And I hated that lemon-squeeze-in-the-eye cover, too!! 😂

I only made it through the first 100 pages. It was tragedy p**rn for sure. That was a great review and now I’m glad that I didn’t finish it. (You read it so I don’t have to!😜). Thank you! ✅

Thank you for the precise explanations! I stopped at page 200 because I sensed this story will go nowhere, and i was right when i got to your spoiler rants.

Alright I've got my coffee, ive got my croissants. this is the moment I've been waiting for. I can't wait

Despite not doing research about gay disabled people, as someone who is depressed, self harms and is gay, I think Yanigahara portrayed those topics absolutely brilliantly. Yes, it's a little too gruesome and way too repetitive when it comes to Jude's suffering and the effect it has around his loved ones but it 100% got the portrayal right.

will definitely be remembering some of this stuff when i get round to reading it! (leaving at end of spoiler free)

thank you for this review! especially resonated with your thoughts on friendship and family and how the characters fail in that. i havent read this book and i didnt plan to, but tbh i enjoy watching content about it because it is so divisive. i watched drinking by my shelf do a spoiler video on it and i get why it appeals to some, but i know myself well enough to know that i would hate it too. i have a lot of thoughts related to what you said i want to share, i will try to keep it brief lol. first: the message that as adults we are completely alone is straight up false. it is untrue. as humans we have depended on each other to survive and as weak ass animals will continue to do so. capitalism champions individualism but we depend on each other more than ever now that division of labor is global. i cant build a house, or make clothes, or harvest foods. but i contribute other things to other people. yanagihara couldnt have written or published this book without a village of people contributing their skills (one only wishes she would have contributed some research skills, which is the bread and butter of being an author, but i digress). so while feeling alone and alienated is highly relatable and valid feeling, it is not an insightful truth about life. secondly i wanna speak about disability but i feel like i need to qualify my statement first. i am not "officially" disabled - meaning i have an invisible disability and am perceived as a woman, so naturally im just nagging and being negative when i try to make doctors understand my problems in everyday life. but in said everyday life, i dont know what word other than disabled i could use for my experience. i cant do the things i want to do because my body prevents me. and i do feel some of the things you relay from jude - shame, mainly, when i have to cancel plans or otherwise fail someone because my body had a bad day or several. mostly i feel frustrated and wish i was able bodied and functioned "normally" (my therapist hates when i say that but idk what better expresses it!). and that in turn makes me feel ashamed that im not defying the negative stereotype that all disabled people hate their life because theyre disabled. like, i do love my life, but i wish i could live more of it, if that makes sense. anyway, i am in complete agreement with your criticism of what she does with that - without any research! the audacity?? and because for me there is a kernel of truth in it, its even more frustrating to see what she did with it and how popular it is. im not even gonna get into the sexual assault things because its just... too much. also i did not keep this brief rip. thanks for reading if youre still here!

Fascinating review Olivia. I haven't and wasn't really intending to read it. This video gives a new perspective on it and you make total sense. The message of the book being that you're on your own isnt particularly enlightening. It can be powerful in a poem, but for a whole novel to have that one message in 800 pages is superficial.

Thank you for this review! I think I might still read it at some point, but I feel much more prepared now.

Really excited for this review. I haven’t read the book because I’m familiar with some of the interviews you discussed in the opening. Really love your voice, excited.

I am planning on reading this book at some point so I only watched half. It sounds that the main focus of this novel is trauma. I think that there needs to be more. We will see how I get on with this one.

Thank you so much for this review, it was great! I need to say that even though I completely agree with most of your points, I still kind of enjoyed the book. I think it’s mainly because of its writing - I like Yanagihara’s metaphors, I think they’re unusual but clever and well-crafted, and I enjoyed all those vivid depictions of situations. When I wrote a review on this book, I said that I am ready to read literally anything this woman will write - even if she will write a 500 pages long book about a bread, I would still read that; that’s how much I loved the writing style. And I think that’s the main reason why I finished the book, otherwise I would abandon it much earlier because of the points you made in the video, but also because of some other points that I noticed and that I would like to write about: • There’s this scene in the book where (if I remember correctly) Willem asks Jude what his sexuality actually is and I absolutely HATED (like literally ABSOLUTELY HATED) Jude’s response - he said something about being only attracted to guys because that’s the only thing he knew. Meaning: He was abused by men his whole life and he only had sex with men and he’s supposed to be gay because he knows nothing else than this. But that’s not how it works and it’s very harmful to put it together like that. I absolutely hated this narrative about sexuality being determined by something like abuse. Really? Ugh, I almost wanted to choke myself when I read that. • I HATED that Yanagihara decided it would be a good idea to write Jude so profoundly attractive. This, alongside with a few other things like that anti climatic car accident, two best friends getting together after years of wanting each other or the trope with almost everybody being in love with the main character, is for me a sign of a fan fiction/telenovel style terrible writing decision that completely shattered otherwise very serious and masterfully written book. I wouldn’t mind if she would write something like “he can be kinda nice time to time when he takes care of himself - or at least when he takes a shower” or something, but every other page someone reminded us how unbelievably beautiful Jude is and almost every character was attracted to him and after a while it was kind of disgusting to read. So - Jude was this magical beauty, how could he not be like that, right? I personally don’t really like when someone is referring to someone else in the book as beautiful because beauty is very subjective but this book made me HATED it. And when I read the scene in the car where fucking Harold, Jude’s adoptive father, tells him he’s the most beautiful person he has ever encountered, I started fighting the urge to throw the book into a garbage disposal. • Another thing that really bothered me is the depiction of Jude. If you paid attention to the depiction of other characters, you can paint them in your mind very easily because they are depicted well enough to do it - with the color of their hair, eyes, features, etc. Jude is never depicted this way and that drove me crazy. In the beginning of the book there’s said that Jude isn’t white - from that point I was excited to find out about what race Jude actually is but it’s never really depicted, not even with one word. But like… you can describe a person even though he has some unspecified race, it’s not such a big deal. Does he has Asian features? Or Latina? Is he… I don’t know… Hispanic? Jesus Christ. The only thing we know about Jude in terms of his looks is “brown” hair - but even when Yanagihara is trying to depict the color of Jude’s hair, she says something about them “looking” brown, but also that they have so many shades and forms that they have some magical indescribable color, and the color most close to it is a brown color. And the same goes for his eyes - she says that he has lizard eyes or something. So… excuse me, but what the actual fuck?! Don’t take me wrong, I kinda understand why she wrote him that way - she wanted him to be this unimaginable character, this floating ghost of a person, and that this is her way to depersonalize him for us, but on the other hand, this is contradicting the fact that the whole book is only about uncovering Jude’s traumatic past, which automatically means bringing him closer to us. So yeah, I understand why she wrote him that way but I also don’t understand why she wrote him that way. Lol. • I was fairly confused by the whole exaggeration vs. hyper realism in this book. I found most of Jude’s thoughts extremely relatable and a lot of scenes and situations very trustworthy - but overall, I think the over-the-top style of depicting themes has done more harm than good. And the scene where two 50 years old men are crying on their shoulders the whole night because one of them purposely self-harms and the other one is not quite happy about it literally made me laugh because of how unbelievable it was. And when something so serious makes you laugh, it means that it’s either stupid or that you’re a psychopath and I can definitely assure you that the second thing is not the reason. • I am not ashamed to say this: there was literally no character growth. Think about it - every character ends up in the exact place from where they started. But how’s that possible, you say? They came to New York completely broke and naive and now they’re grown-ass persons with money and good jobs, right? Well, okay, now take the whole career element out of it because career growth isn’t character development. Say it with me again: CAREER GROWTH ISN’T CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT. (But Yanagihara probably thinks it is.) When you forget about their jobs, you will see what I am talking about. For example: it would be so interesting to watch Jude’s way through therapy to became a happy person again but we never get to see such thing. We can only see him suffer and nothing else. And that’s why he never changes, he never grows as a person. And the same goes for everyone else - I see no change in Willem or JB or Malcolm. You can literally take them as characters in their early 20s and transfer them to their late 50s - then you can add some wrinkles and probably a few gray hair and there you go. Same people, no change. • I’m pretty sure I’ve already seen this point in other review but I will repeat it myself here because it’s true and because it’s also one of the things that bothered me the most: Yanagihara’s whole world is BLACK or WHITE only. People can’t be just people, they can’t make mistakes because they are people - but they can make awful crimes because they are bad people. All of the villains in this book (Brother Luke, Caleb, etc.) are presented only in one light and their motivation comes only from the fact that “they are just bad people”. No, that’s not how it works. Should I really believe that every guy who crossed Jude’s life path in his childhood and early teen years turned into a predator in the end? Well, good, but I don’t believe in something like that. Should I believe that every fucking person in the monetary molested him and abused him? Okay, but NO. Such a difficult philosophical question as “the good and the bad” is presented to us in such a plain and easy way that it was almost laughable - well, not almost, but pretty much laughable. It degrades the whole purpose of the book because all those bad people are just caricatures created for the main character’s trauma. It would be much more interesting to create one or two three-dimensional characters with a lot of focus on and to explore a predator’s mind much more in a believable ways.

just came back and watched the spoiler part of this video, i definitely agree with most everything you said and understand your point of view on how things played out and the message it sends. i still think (imo) that the book is very well written and i never got to a point of feeling desensitised but can totally see how that could happen

i totally agree with so many of your points, especially about the desensitisation. i didn't hate this book, but i didn't love it either, and reading the critics' reviews inside the book made me wonder if i missed something

So i know this is a two year old review, but i just got made aware that there are other people who feel the same way i do about this book. So, there is app called character AI, where people can put in details of a character and have AI expand on the character in question. Basically its like a well informed fanfiction of a character and someones work. And in NONE OF THOSE BOTS, is jude as one dimensional and personalityless as in the book. And this is AI. This is a soulless entity with no human experiences, doing a better job expanding on a disabled, lgbtqia character with CPTSD than an actual author

You know this already, but I completely agree with you. Thank you for sharing your thoughts