I’m in tears. My boyfriend has adhd and we’ve been together for 4 years. Watching the video I started sobbing cause I see our relationship in theirs but I don’t have the strength to continue.. we’re currently on a break and I came looking for answers on KZfaq.. I got out of a toxic relationship right before him and I’m again in another toxic relationship. He has already changed so much since the beginning of our relationship, 4 years ago, and I know it’ll always get better but I don’t have the strength anymore to continue helping him the way I do and knowing it’ll have to be for the rest of our lives.. I’m lost… he’s such a wonderful man. I hate myself.

As a young adult who just discovered having adhd, this gave me so much hope in my relationship

When the non add partner yells it makes the other feel like a failure.... Again.... And retreat again... making the non add partner feel unheard... again it's such a cycle were trying to break in my house right now

“I’m so sorry I forgot the question” - That put a huge smile on my face :) I’m getting married next year and my partner and I have been through so many struggling moments and fights over the last decade, primarily caused by my ADHD that I only got to know about this year. I wish I had known about it sooner but I’m just glad we made it through and we’ll finally have “our home” next year :)

Very helpful and inspiring. I find myself dealing with his drug addiction and his possible autism diagnosis as well, and we each go to individual and couples counseling. I've been learning to set boundaries, to ask for what I need in a non-shaming way, and to give him time without interruption more often. He is learning to control his anger faster, to communicate better, and to view my needs as valid and not superficial egotism.

omg!!!! my bf has adhd. and im the complete opposite personality....and inpatient. and in "control" of my day to day....now i see the reason for our differences... 😫 omgsssh now i understand you

Thank you for sharing lovely story, my husband knows he has ADHD when he was 40+ its effect on our relationship a lot but I am not gonna give up on him, many things to learn how to deal with ADHD still.

Bill & Cheryl is definitely me & my partner. "I love being married with planner" / "and i love being married to opportunist"

My husband and I both have adhd, it’s a mess 🥺

This resonates with me! Was searching for this subject because I think I have it n it shows mostly in my relationship!

This is awesome! Thank you so much for posting!

Wow I'm so proud of you guys! You give me hope and make me reflect on my approach to my husband who has adhd.

I wish someone would watch these with me

I found this video to be helpful around understanding my Voicely's friend. Thank you! I am more aware of their feelings now.

Thank you so much for all that you do❤️☀️🙏

Gave me hope.... Thank you

Additional dopamine in the synapses does wonders for your relationship.

Thank you for this motivation. God bless 🙂🙏🏼❤️

I can so relate. I'm almost 51 and I have A.D.H.D. I take a medication, I have had some counseling. I make poor decisions and I am married. Almost 17 years. My wife is for the most shows patience. As I type this, I feel like like something in the gutter. Forgetfulness, I get angry, stupid and poor decisions. Overly trusting of people and my focus is not on my wife. Bad role models from my childhood and being molested as a child has made me broken and not a good husband. I do have my good times and tendencies. I hate being alone and feeling broken. I guess there are abandonment issues in all of this. I just want to trust myself and love myself. Not need everyone's approval and not internalize everything. I just want to know how to live, love and trust with great depth. This is a lot to put out here. The video half way through has me doing this. I'm not going to hurt myself, but there has been times when I didn't want to go on. Anyone that feels the way I do, all I can say is my faith in God is what keeps me going and not be condemned to hell. Thanks to anyone reading this confession. May we all be blessed that suffer.

I really love my wife (she married me on 12/12/12), and I wanna make it with her. I enjoy hanging out with her, but our verbal communication SUCKS! Her biggest downfall is she too conscious about what others think. That’s something she likes about me, when I am with her everything is second.

So so so so helpful. We have been fighting for months and were about to split when I found these videos. We are both going to seek help. I am the non adhder.

Adhd is not always a bad thing.

I'm in the same boat, my partner screamed at me and kicked me out of his house because I did the laundry the wrong way because he said I don't listen. I'm terrified that this is what my life will be reduced to because of my undiagnosed/untreated ADHD. I think I'm at a point where I feel more at peace if I don't marry and if I stay single.

I’m pretty sure I’m undiagnosed ADHD and the more I watch these videos, the more I understand myself

I was sobbing throughout the whole video. I've lost my fantastic girlfriend (she has adhd) in April, she left me. A month later I was also diagnosed with ADD. I am exploring how much I was masking (substance abuse, lying, etc). We were together for 6 years. I am missing her so much. But I am afraid to get in contact again. There is so much hurt...

I have adhd . My girlfriend often told me that i was distance didnt listen to her and i didnt care for her well being . I can see that she is struggling with me but letting it out and saying it to her is another thing . Coummunication is very difficult . Im usually a calm person but every so often i get annoyed by her comments how i do things wrong . I have told her that she doesnt understand me yet how my brain works even if she has read quite alot about ADHD . Usually when i try to explain to her that i love her and want us to be together but dont know exactly how then she laughs and tells me that im cold hearted person and dont have any emotions . Thats not true . I have emotions but its difficult to let them out . Also sidenote i am a virgo and virgos tend to have issues with showing emotions to a loved one . So it makes it extra hard for me . I have been trying many many times to improve myself and get my shit together but when she olny can see the worst of me it brings my confidence down again . Then i fall in depressed mode again start acting like i dont care . Im holding back alot of bad adhd behaviours to be better but sometimes it slips and she doesnt get it . But i can understand her. She feels neglected , exhausted, and so on . After many years i have been blaming myself that im the bad one. I feel like i havent done enough and probably does she also. She has helped me in many things . Like how to organize things and such and it has been helpful alot . But she cant take any more of me anymore and yesterday she said "i want to break up" Also we have child together with ADHD . We both have medications but we are currently in the eraly stages . So the medications doesnt have helped much yet . I can understand my partners reasons why she is angry and exhausted . With two adhd people it sure is hard . Ive been trying my all to get things done and that i can be a good father and husband . But it just feels like its not enough . I dont do shit on purpose .

My boyfriend has it. Its put me into a depression and i too have begun to hate myself. He’s procrastinating on seeking treatment. I feel like im drowning in my relationship but I don’t want to lose it. I’ve done everything i can to help him but he has to start seeking treatment or ill be forced to leave

I actually found it very archaic and problematic that there are people in the video talking about ADHD as a "common enemy", and something horrible to deal with, when that's not the case at all. Sure, there are challenges we go through, but overall ADHD makes you more creative, more resilient, more empathetic and reliable when you're making the most out of it. There is no "common enemy" here because there is nothing inherently wrong, just a different way of functioning and understanting the world.

As someone with ADHD, i can't even concentrate on the video without being distracted. I feel like a failure....

I think my 63 yr old partner has ADHD. If ONE thing goes wrong then everything is AWFUL. This is so exhausting. He is an expert at noticing what is WRONG. One wrong event will set off a tirade of complaints about things that happened years ago! He is always a victim....this is how he sees himself and it sucks for me to see him like this. Ugh. So one you tube video I watched said I have to "allow" him to "just be”..and not react. Ok but he goes on and on and on and ON…talks too much and Will not stop-even if I say : “STOP I am flooded and overwhelmed!” I have left the house many times just to get AWAY from him and get some peace..and this helps me calm down but if it's dark outside then I will NOT leave and so I have to endure this negativity which is depressing and horrible for ME I'm getting worn out .....agh……..he procrastinates, loses things, forgets thing, has time blindness, has anxiety, over talks and interrupts, gets distracted....I am at my wits end!

There are quite a few questions in the comment section about identifying the name of the book. The book’s title is mentioned at the 0:53 time stamp. The Couple's Guide to Thriving with ADHD Paperback - April 1, 2014 by Melissa Orlov (Author), Nancie Kohlenberger LMFT (Author)

Thank you so much for your video. I just broke up with my boyfriend who has ADHD and just starts his medication few weeks ago. I experienced all these problems these couples speak in the video for 5 years and I tried everything I could (at least I believed so) very hard to be able to cope with him and to make the relationship works. I came to point that I’m not happy and hate myself the way I reacted to him. I had insecure feelings when I was with him because I don’t know ‘What gonna come next?’. I have my own depression to deal with in every day life (I was in therapy before and also in psychiatry for 2 months to help me to heal my depression). With my depression and his ADHD, it became too much for me to be able to be happy in every day life, so I decided that it’s time to think of myself before him and love myself also, so I decided to separate.

I didnt understand until after the breakup, then I wrote the book ”ADHD LoveStory”. In swedish, but perhaps to be translated. I hope.

Wish My add/Adhd partner at least looked one off this video’s ! But, instead off that he is running away and reject me. He thinks beliefs there is no hope’s filled for divorce . The adhd add was my enemy, not My spouse. But he didn’t want to work on this, so he turns his back to his Beautiful wife. How, worked very hard to help him all those years. He really don’t care, the pain what it cost me 😔 But, I loved him enougth to work trough it.

My "partner" sent me this video to emphasize the point that I/my ADHD are the reason/justification for his unkindness to me.

This gives me hope, I often struggle with my partners misunderstanding me or why I do things. They seem to always take things personally when I keep trying to explain it has nothing to do with them at all. Is there a way to explain this easier?

Hi Tracey, how can you help a loved one with ADHD when they continue to say "I have been like this all my life and nothing is going to help." "I have learned to live with my way."

The first couple that was on this clip, the book the husband was talking about is there information on that book Author & formal name of book?

Before my adhd loves me but now he is so changed he totally lose interest in me and he starting dating someone else he blocked me everywhere i beginning Infront of him i cry but he don't care he is happy with someone else and he totally forget and im stupid who always thinking about him thats shit makes me mad ..... please don't ruin you're life for those who don't care about you if they wanna go let them go

Still struggling to find resources to help couples who both have ADHD.

She just left me 😭 she doesn't want to accept that it's ADHD , I'm trying to show her all these things but she wants me to leave her alone

How to work on this when were oceans apart 😭

For us to late. 20 jears of marriage , after ,12 years husband diagnosed ADHD/add lots of damage already and a lot of hurt. When ADHD/ add come out, husband didn't have the will to get any help. I went grazy feeling so lonly in my marriage. Now he filled for divorce. I wanted to help, but i didd'nt wantend my help. I became his mother. I didn't know how to cope with this giant how was standing between us. I felt so alone rejection was a big issue. IT was my problem not his. I lost myself completly, never now whats going to happen in situations. Never know were or what time hè comes home....getting almost gracy. Now its over. Divorce is final. But i loved him, but his love for me was not enought to change

what is this book they speak of

What is this book

I think I’ve already lost my non adhd partner:( I was diagnosed this year at 31.. Always kind of knew .. I feel sad I haven’t been able to fix things before I met her .. Feel like she tried but she can’t understand and always seems to think I’m intentionally trying to hurt her and seems to something completely different in what I say and if I try to tell her what I really meant I get told I gas light .. I feel I may of pushed her away and I’m feeling pretty low being 31 and going through this, like a big dumb giant trying to fix a doll house

when she said "try differently" hmmm

me and my ADHD partner are on brick of breaking up rn. She tried to break up with me 3x already bec she lost the sparks and she can’t feel it anymore and it happened overnight. Does that mean she doesn’t have genuine feelings for me or is it just her ADHD? Or also because I dont give her the Dopamine hit anymore just like in the early stage of our relationship? Does the feelings come back? I love my girlfriend and I’m really patient and understanding so a little help would be much appropriated

Where can I get the book???

Cam a person "develop" ADHD late in life? Or has it just been there all along and the partners just did not realize it.

What is this book you speak of?

Do you believe adhd causes a partner to cheat? Mine did not cheat physically, but she was texting another man and he was pressuring her so bad to leave me that she didn’t know what to do and she almost left me. We talked and worked it out and I truly believe she does love me, she admitted it was a mistake and she was sorry, I’m just worried she might do It again because of her adhd. Some believe it doesn’t cause your partner to cheat on you and some do what are your thoughts?

i want to fall in love with someone else. i am pretty done with it after 12 years of marriage. i didn't tell him yet. that being said he will probably become irate, try to sabotage my success prior to leaving, and pretty much blame me for everything. fuck it, i can do better, or at least love a person who acknowledges their mental illness, treats it, and goes to therapy.

Damn 😓I might have ADHD

The woman in the burgundy shirt should become a Counselor what Therapist.

😭🥰

I'm really certain about having it and diagnosis journey will start in the next two months. Love is so fucking hard. I hate it! I have like 5min to convince her to love me as well and afterwards my limit is exceeded and i start doing and saying things i really don't want and i definitely loose chances to this fucking impulsivity. It's no wonder that i have fucking social anxieties. My life is crap and i'm upset because of what just have happend again. I hate it Tse fucking world. I'm not even able to get any relationship. I'm fucking empathetic and kind and that's fucking not helpful. No skills will work. For now i hate adhd And i don't apologise for anything and will not delete this fucking shit again. World, just deal with me!