While Monica and Richard were both consenting adults when they started dating, it's still a little disturbing to think that he's watched her grow up, and probably even held her as a baby.

Relationships like Jay and Gloria doesn't seem wrong to me, they're 2 adults who consent, Monica and Richard make me uncomfortable just because he's friends with her dad and probably saw her as a baby/toddler, and whatever was between Jacob and Bella's baby that's just wrong

My dad didn’t really understand why I had an issue with Monica and Richard until my brother told him, “Imagine if Uncle Doofy and her started going out” and he immediately understood. Uncle Doofy is not our actual uncle by the way, but dad’s best friend for 25+ years.

Age gaps between people who just meet doesn't seem that bad , ex: Gloria was already grown when she met Jay, Monica and Richard is a little more unsettling since they meet when she was a child and was a friend of her father but at the very least he didn't see her grow up. The werewolfs in Twilight...those are just yikes

Gloria and Jake's relationship just seems so healthy to me because we don't feel a power imbalance in the dynamic. Gloria is a grown up woman, with a son, that knows what she wants and what she's getting with Jake, an older man with adults children that just wants a peaceful life and to share his life with someone.

Woody Allen casting himself with younger, more attractive women is delusional at best. His real life...situation? Now that´s fucked up.

Lolitia pisses me off! The movies that is the creepy directors who made them completely missed the truth of the novel which was a depiction of how sexual predators justify themselves and try to control the narrative. The story was written by a man who faced the same predatory/ grooming behavior from his own uncle and told the story using a young girl who he gave agency to get away from her abuser. Even with her abuser trying to reframe her as a seductress. The directors wouldn't even let her act like a kid unlike the book where Dores acted like a sullen preteen.

If I could only give one piece of advice to a person in their late teens to mid twenties it's would be this: When someone significantly older tells you that you are mature for your age, DON'T FALL FOR IT. Don't let their attention flatter you. Many older people who go for 18-24 year olds only so because they know they will hold the power in the relationship as they are more powerful/more experienced/more financially stable than the younger person. They don't want an equal partnership, they want control.

I think Jay and Gloria continue to be a stand out example because no matter how cliche their premise is, they're both fully realized individual characters. They are two people with their own long, complex personal stories that met organically and Jay just happens to be older than Gloria.

I've heard porn stas say there are basically only two categories for girls. Young looking enough to be a "teen", and old enough looking to be a "milf". There's a middle ground there which is apparently difficult to market. I think that's telling.

I don’t mind an age-gap relationships when the age-gap is actually mentioned. What I HATE in hollywood in when they pair young and beautiful actresses with older man, WITHOUT mentioning the obvious age-gap, making us believe that they’re the same age…

How these heterosexual relationships are portrayed: Men with a younger women = every man's dream. Woman with younger man = desperate/why would he be with her? Man with a girl under 18 = abuse Woman with a boy under 18 = every boy's dream/good for him/what is he complaining about.

The only relationship i ever saw that didn't make me feel weird about it was jay and gloria

I’d also be interested in The Take’s perspective on the casting of older men and younger women in films and tv as characters of the same age. I’ve been noticing a lot recently that adult characters are portrayed as having grown up together as children, but the actors portraying their adult counter parts are sometimes 20 or more years different in age. Why is this culturally acceptable, and do audiences even realize there’s an age gap when they aren’t familiar with the actors?

The problem is: when you are in an toxic relationship like that (for example as a minor whith an older person) you don´t see it. Especially when other people try to talk to you about it. You brush off every criticism and as a friend you really have no other choice than wait until the person realizes it themself.

I will say there's a big difference between coincidentally ending up in a relationship with someone older/younger than you than there is someone who INTENTIONALLY, ACTIVELY seeks out those age gaps. The former is just an interesting aspect of adulthood: The older you get the less of an emotional/intellectual difference there is between you and others, regardless of age. The latter, however, comes off as very predatory (even if legal) since people with less experience are less likely to notice your red flags.

When I was 19 I worked at a store where all the other employees were aged 45 and up. I used to work evening shifts with this one lady and we had such a fun time. We had similar tastes and hobbies but due to her age and life experience she was able to give me tons of great advice. She also showed me that it was okay to be different from the standard in our small town and to stop caring what others thought. And she preferred to be friends with younger people because most of the people around her age in that town tended to be very old fashioned in their way of thinking and judged her for being a bit "weird." She even ended up marrying a guy about 15 years younger who was clearly madly in love with her. She was exactly the person I needed to befriend when I was just becoming an adult and trying to figure out myself and my life.

Monica and Richard were gross in my opinion, because he watched her grow up, possibly held her as a baby. If the couple meet as adults, truly have love for each other, then I say go for it, but being able to say you remember them swimming in your pool as a little child while you were an adult, a parent to someone the same age as her, is just creepy. They tried to convince the audience that Monica and Richard were sweet, but I felt grossed out by it Plenty of couples with age gaps are healthy and good together, but most of them met as adults so there are no lines being crossed. Those are the real relationships that should be highlighted as not explicated strange or unfair in power, while the ones that show one partner being a literal child or minor at some point should be viewed as not humorous but a need to rethink what we view as okay

I often get approached by people older than me by 15 to 30 years. I can vouch that those relationships were completely toxic and exploitative. I have learned my lesson and now steer clear of big age gap relationships. Often, those older people aren't even interested in you for the right reasons. They're attracted to you because of the life stage you're in, maybe they're having a life crisis of some kind and want to reclaim their youth by dating a younger person, or they are emotionally and developmentally stunted in someway. Either way, it can spell big problems for a relationship. They often love bomb you early on because they see younger people as a prize or trophy of some kind... Then the problems start to happen because love bombing is manipulation and doesn't last. Honestly the whole dynamic makes me sick but I'm happy for people who make it work

Age gaps bother us because they should raise questions about power and exploitation. The first guy I ever dated was 23 and I was 18. It might as well been a ten year age gap considering how much more experienced he was in relationships. I tried to not judge him but he ended up being someone who used my loving nature against me. I am in an age gap marriage to another man, and we often joke we had to meet in my mid twenties because it would have looked strange (or just plain wrong) otherwise. Hollywood has a long history of exploiting young people and movies and shows should NOT be the litmus test for healthy relationships. Also, critiquing age gaps in same sex relationships shouldn't be off limits, because some ARE exploitative and inappropriate. I once heard an older gay man make a terrible remark about "turning" young closeted men one way or another. I know not all gay men are like this, but the ones that are are giving everyone else a bad name.

As a Trope, it makes for interesting storytelling. In reality, it can work so long as the people involved accept and allow for the differences. No one in any relationship should have to drop everything they are for the other person.

The reason age gaps relationships are so prevalent in Hollywood media is because Hollywood has a problem casting older women but not older men and this double standards creates the perfect cast for age gap relationships. Old male leads and new, younger female leads

Driving Lessons starring Rupert Grint, Julie Walters, Laura Linley, ect is such a beautiful example of a fully platonic relationship developing between a teen boy and much older woman, that ends up being hugely beneficial for all involved. Love doesn't always have to equate to romantic love, platonic relationships can be just as important/significant. Sad not many know this film, it's honestly so good

I was in a relationship with a 16-year age gap, but as we were both well into adulthood, there was no issue with grooming or even a power imbalance. In the end, it has to come from a place of understanding, equity, and, yes, emotional maturity. Even with the sexual aspect of the relationship functionally over, we are still incredibly close friends and confidantes. Honestly I find relationships between some kind of medical/care provider and their patients to be much more predatory and creepy, and that’s a trope that almost never gets critically discussed. Even in the movie Hereditary, when Toni Collete’s character is starting to feel the effects of the supernatural attacks on her family, her husband dismisses everything she says as histrionics - because before they were married he was her psychiatrist. Honestly that’s more disturbing than the demon-worshipping cultists.

I’m glad this touched on the non romantic age gap relationships. There is so much the generations can learn from each other it can be one of the most enriching things we can experience in life.

The thing with an age gap friendship or relationship being a possible learning opportunity is that the older person HAS to feel like they’re learning something from the younger partner instead of just always “teaching” or guiding. If the older person can’t value the input of the younger person, then there will ALWAYS be a power imbalance.

Even though Monica and Richard didn’t start dating until adults, I find it a tad uncomfortable since they met when one of them was a minor, especially a young child. I think what makes it different than gr//ming is that Richard didn’t have romantic or sexual feelings for her until she became an adult (in her mid twenties, I believe), so it wasn’t like he was waiting for her to turn 18 so he can get with her. I think that’s a very important distinction to make. People are still allowed to be uncomfortable about it though. 🤷‍♀️

Age gap relationships really depends on context. A 20-year-old dating a 15-year-old is creepy and gross, but a 20-year-old dating a 25-year-old is completely fine in most cases Yes, a lot happens between 20 and 25 too, but not to the same degree as between 15 and 20. When you're under 20, you haven't really lived on your own, and you are still taken care of by adults in your life. By the time you're 20 and over, the majority of people have lived and experienced things, and after that your maturity is not solely determined by age. Someone can be 30, but not necessarily more "experienced" than a 23-year-old, so them dating is not a power imbalance NECESSARILY. This is where context and the level of maturity of the indivuals in the relationship kick in. And, at some point we just got to let people make their own mistakes, regardless of what we think. I have a friend who constantly goes for older men (she's 22 and her last boyfriend was 40). Did I approve? No. Did I believe she was being abused/manipulated? Also no.

When it comes to age gaps. It's OK as long as the younger person has been an adult for a while and has a equal dynamic with the older person. It's not necessarily wrong but there is a line and the good thing about this day and age is, we are starting establish that line. My grandmother is a black woman from the south. She had her first child at 11 with my Grandfather, whom was in his thirties. No one ever really said their relationship was wrong because when he died she never married again. They said she loved him. But it was wrong as hell to me. Disgusting even.

All the concerns being discussed in the comments are valid regarding age gap relationships, but very few people bring up elder abuse or different potential power imbalances in an age gap relationship. When the older partner goes through an illness for example. There are a lot of people who ignore that the idea that a younger partner could be abusive or exploit a power imbalance and I wish it were acknowledged more often.

south korea is examining the taboo of age gap relationships with a relatively new type of kdramas, the noona romances. it offers an exploration of what it is to be a 30 plus woman in this modern world and how relationships work

Dunno about age gap but aged grapes are raisins and I hate those

My sister was 10 years older then me, I grew up with her age groups influence. When I met my husband who is 9 years old than me in my 20s I was just finishing up my degree and was financially independent. I had more in common with him than I did men my own age. I also wanted marriage and men my age were not ready for that. 10 years later we are both still married and in love, and about to have our first baby. I didn’t think twice about age because my Mom was 12 years older than my Dad. I can understand how certain situations are clearly inappropriate but not always the case.

When I watched Friends as a teen, I thought Monica and Richard were sweet, because they were just 2 attractive people who fell in love. But as an adult, I had my own "Richard" pursue me... I was 26 and ran into an old friend of my dad's, who started chatting with me ostensibly to "catch up with the family." Soon, it became flirting with me and asking me out. I felt *incredibly* creeped out by it, because this guy had known me as a child. And he wasn't even that close to my dad, unlike Richard, who is said to be Monica's dad's best friend. I can't even watch that storyline anymore.

Let's also mention the SNL sketch "meet your second wife" to show why the 15+yrs difference is just gross.

Consenting adults being together is obviously fine, but power imbalances and abuse can take *any* form

It feels important to contextualize also that we're still only a few generations removed from a world in which women in particular were expected to get married and start families soon (see the Conservative backlash on women rights). We're still shifting it feels like from a world where accepting the affections of someone older and the financial and societal benefits that come with to one where as we live longer, we now have an opportunity to grow fully into our emotional, professional, and sexual maturity. I was someone who was always interested in older men. I started puberty early, had a very curvy body, and growing up in the Heroin Chic era that was construed as a "mom body" by guys my age. Older men made me feel beautiful, and I thought I was mature without an understanding that my maturity was really surface level due to a background of abuse that left me with the emotional maturity of a teenager. Now I'm still open to older men, though with a lot more caution. And my bias does not at all extend to older women, as it just feels different. I've had older women acknowledge "actually, I need to think about this because you're so you and feels wrong" which is something I've never experienced with a male parter or prospect. Lastly, I think the age at which these gaps exist do matter. Someone who is 20, starting some semblance of a career, having little knowledge of their own autonomy, sexual pleasure, dreams, etc. is going to have a lot of inconsistencies with a 40 year old who is a lot further in this journey. Alternately though a 50 year old and 70 year old may not have shared experience in years, but experienced some of the same major milestones that negate the balance of power and promote a more equitable relationship.

I have been in age gap relationships, the key thing is mutual respect, which many are missing. We gonna talk about ACS Impeachment? I wonder how Beanie and Clive got through the weird kiss scenes, cause they made me uncomfortable. And not just because I was afraid Clive's fake nose was going to eat Beanie's pretty face.

For queer relationships, we face a smaller dating pool and have to branch out more to find the right person. I am kind of squicked by dating someone much younger (or older), but compatibility is more important than age.

The fallacy in this video is that there are age-gap relationships *without* any sort of power imbalance. There aren't. There is *always* a power imbalance - the older partner will always have more life experience. They will always have the advantage of knowledge. The question is how the couple chooses to navigate this inherent power imbalance - does the older partner help the younger partner grow and come into their own? Or do they manipulate and groom the younger partner to fit their idea of who they ought to be? Sometimes it's just two people with an age gap between them who happen to fall in love. Not all age-gap relationships are automatically toxic or abusive. *But older people who serial-date much younger ones? Who deliberately and consistently target youngins? Yeah. Stay the fuck away from those, kids. Avoid, avoid, avoid.*

Here’s my two cents on this topic. I met my boyfriend, now fiancé, three years ago. At the time, I was twenty-four and he was forty-one. Neither of us had dated someone significantly older or younger before that, and neither of us had the desire to find a partner with a specific age gap. We just ended up clicking due to mutual wants, interests, and feelings. When we first started dating, we did have a few people that were skeptical about our relationship. One person in particular said some especially hurtful things to me about it. I admit, these kind of comments did get to me and I wasn’t initially sure that we’d work out. But over time, our age difference became less and less important. It’s pretty rare that we even think about it now. I get why people may be concerned about relationships with age differences, and it’s important to acknowledge that abuses of power can happen in this dynamic. But sometimes, love just happens regardless of age. As long as it’s a legal, healthy, and happy relationship, age really can be just a number.

A cute pairing that had an age gap was Hazel and Agnes from the Umbrella Academy. Yes, she was older but he was a time traveling assassin who wanted a simple life. They were one of the most wholesome pairings in the show

Don't forget Sam and Rebecca on Ted Lasso. It's played up a bit like a "You've Got Mail" situation as they fall for each other anonymously (through texts) but once they find out who the other person is, they still go for it. I thought it was refreshing that neither was turned off by the age difference, but it was a little weird that the writing never addresses the power dynamic of an club owner dating a player. By the way, on Ozark, **spoilers** Darlene is a psychotic drug dealer who murdered her own husband and stole an infant, so yea, there was concern for young Wyatt being with her!

Age gaps in fandoms tend to be overtly confusing and double standard. You have ships that are tease in shows yet some viewers don't like them cause there's a 4 or 3 year difference (like GF Dipper and Wendy) Yet are completely fine with a non-canon crossover ship where you have a 20 something Elsa with 300 year old eternally young Jack Frost.. who is often drawn stalking/spying on Elsa since she was a toddler. Then again the Twilight books and movies created that whole weird Centuries age gap dynamic with fangirls justifying loving a centuries old guy as long as they are "hot".

Its odd I’m fine with all relationships except the age gap ones. I think because I have seen so many men only want a young pretty girl because they don’t like them to grow up. Also I saw this often in church and it bothered me.

I personally had an ex who was 36 years my senior. It ran on for 3 years but it was essentially the age gap that ended the whole thing. Age isn't "just a number" it actually does matter when the other person is more than twice your age. I was divorced at 26, and rebound dated a man in his 60s. It didn't work in the end, he didn't want marriage or children and I was in a season of my life where I wanted those things and he didn't. He also didn't want the baggage I came with, a young toddler. So lesson learned. I marry my fiance who is 8 years older than me, in three weeks time. I'm so glad that age gap relationship ended!

I’m 40 and as I get older I get more and more disgusted with guys my age or older chasing women young enough to be their daughters. There’s definitely a double standard the other way around. But it’s the same. When I was 21 I dated a 37 year old. Feel like we were definitely both using each other. What I’m getting at is at the time I just figured we were both consenting adults. But she held all the power in our dynamic. My parents were 41-42 at the time and I see now why they were disgusted and disappointed in me.

I was skeptical just from the Title of the video (since the world is up in arms about "Sexual Grooming" and most don't even fully understand what those terms mean), but I was very happy to see a very nuanced and measured take about the history, the pros and cons of age gaps, and how not every relationship of this nature is evil, but that we as a society should be better at telling the difference. Wonderful work!

I'm not gonna add any thoughts about creepiness or grooming or double standards or Hollywood, that's all already in the comments. I'm gonna talk about my parents instead, maybe as a cautionary tale? Or maybe not. There was a 10-year age gap between my parents. They met in her 30s and his 40s. They had some problems, but the vast vast majority of them were from them coming from an "old fashioned" way of living where mental health problems are ignored and swept under the rug. They never got help for their problems and my dad staunchly refused to believe anything could possibly be wrong with *me*, despite the deck being stacked against me by two family trees. Anyway, the biggest problem they experienced actually came from Dad's end of life. He didn't get help for his physical health until it was far too late (stage 4 cancer). The problem here came from him expecting Mum, his younger wife, to be his nursemaid. But, he was pushing 80 and she was pushing 70 at the time, and *she* had a ton of her own physical problems that came from genetics and age. He thought: she was 10 years younger than him! She should have been able to be his nurse! She was both physically and mentally incapable (she had trouble with *my* physical needs when I was a baby, ffs--she also didn't want to be a mother, but that's a whole other story). So I think actually my biggest takeaway for real, when there's no weird power imbalances or "grooming" or anything like that, is that if there's a 10-year or more age gap between couples looking to genuinely spend their lives together, they need to be *very* clear with each other what you are and are not capable of dealing with for end-of-life. The younger partner needs to know if they're going to be expected to be a nurse, and the older partner needs to know whether or not the younger partner is actually going to be capable of that, and they must act and plan accordingly. I can say with a lot of certainty that my dad, whether it was true or not, died feeling lonely and neglected because my mum wasn't capable of taking care of him the way he thought she would because of their age difference.

I’m glad they showed how nuanced these types of relationships can be. I have a cousin who is 35 dating a 23 year old. Sounds bad at first until you realize he spent 26 years in and out of the hospital, 7 months in a coma, and was unable to experience most of what his peers have. At 35 he has his first big boy job, is on his own for the first time. His girlfriend has been on her own longer and is farther into her studies (he has just earned a bachelor degree while she’s working on her PhD) and are actually doing really well together.

There's a big difference between a 50 year old with a 60 year old and a 25 year old with a 18 year old.

Technically consensual adults dating is not grooming, grooming requires exploitation or manipulation from one person to the other. However, age gaps = knowledge gaps, and knowledge is power, so the relationship has a power imbalance, and is inherently unfair. That alone should be enough to make both parties, cautious. The older party has more knowledge & life experience - they can draw on that experience to (1) manage their emotions so they don’t become vulnerable until they want to, (2) set the tone for how serious or casual the relationship will be, and (3) protect their self-interests - not putting anything on the table that they can’t afford to lose. Imagine a fight between two people where one is 200 lbs. and the other is 100 lbs… can the larger person “go easy” and keep it a clean fight? Sure. Might they still lose? Sure. But during the entire fight, the smaller person will be giving it their maximum effort to compete, and the larger one will be able to “do their fair share” by putting forth minimal effort… does that sound like a fair fight to you? You could argue fairness is not all a relationship is about. But which fighter would you rather be?

When I was a teen in the ninetees I went to a pretty posh school in Amsterdam. For a while I tried to ingratiate with a group of - let's say - precosious, pretty, high-status girls (the Plastics, as Mean Girls would later call them). Among these girls it was absolutely not done to date someone your own age. A boyfriend had to be a college student at least, have a driver license (you can only drive in the Netherlands when your 18) and have his own place. Also I know for a fact there was some fooling around with the younger teachers at our school. And trust me, these girls knew very well what they were doing. When I started dating a boy my own age - who is now my husband and the father of my child, by the way - my stock plummeted, so to speak. I'm just telling it how it went. What I take from it to this day is that a relationships with age gaps is not always just a matter of a creepy guy and a manipulated girl.

about straight age gap vs a gay one, I think it's important to note that from our culture, there is a gender-powered system (that works for both men and women, as you state in the video), and so I think in a same sex relationship, we accept it more because they both have the same (or more similar) cultural struggles regarding their respective gender. That's a theory though, and I don't believe it completely but I think there's something to consider about sharing some experiences through having the same gender in a relationship.

I love how this video differentiates between age gaps and power gaps! Age gaps can be an indicator for power imbalances and control issues, but they are not the same thing. Too many time the internet takes an age gap and extrapolates a power imbalance

I'm so glad that Harold & Maude was discussed here.

Yup it's a problem even in real life where 99% cases has male as much older party whereas women are younger ..and their previous exes that is their older female partner either dead , erased , forgotten or made into villains ...this cannot be ignored Secondly when the other party whether it is men or women are teenagers and other much older party groomed them ..it's disgusting

i find this so fascinating, while im in my early 20s I've always had a special connection with older people i find it so easy to talk to them and mostly listen to them, is not romantic in most cases but i feel more comfortable and open with older people. And truly i find it so hard to find older people that actually validate what i do and see me asa equal with as good opinions as they may have, when i do find people open like this it's wonderful i wish we as humans knew the mark we leave in each other with just a single nice conversation

I love the commentary about the importance of non-romantic relationships between different generations. Growing up as a kid almost all of my friends where my parents and grandparents friends or seniors I met in our neighborhood. Their ages ranged from 45 - 85 and then I had a handful of friends my own age and some that were younger. At age 34 I have friends from every generation ranging from 19 to 93. Additionally, I'm friends with some of my younger cousins and my older friends kids so that means teenagers, older kids, and little tykes. I learn and get so much from every age group. I especially love that my elder friends taught me at a very young age, life is too short to care what other people think. And you should never regret not dying your hair a weird color, getting piercings, or getting tattoos, or dressing a certain way because of what other people might think. Honestly, I totally see why the generations combat each other. But I also see it's mostly caused by miscommunication, stereotypes, and fear. For the older generations it comes from fear of being forgotten and having the worst parts of your time thrown back in your face when there is nothing you can do about the past now. All while the most beautiful parts of your time are ignored. Are the progess they made is minimized by today's standards even though it was huge at the time. Or they feel like the world is changing too fast and leaving them behind and the younger generations aren't listening to them to gain some of their wisdom and can outright dismiss the or the experiencs they have had throughout a life time. The middle generations are coping with the lose of being the relevant generation. And much like the older generation being picked apart without the younger realize the progress the generation before them made directly influenced the progress they are making today. And the younger generation just wants to step up and take an active role in society. However, they are being picked apart for being stupid and lost and that they are going to ruin the world when they are literally at an age when we were all a little stupid, figuring out who are, making mistakes, and realizing what we stand for. Additionally, every generation before said the younger would bring about ruination and yet here we are. Furthermore, the older generations tend to take what a handful of zummers did and spread it across all of them. Partly due to the sensationalized reportings of 24 hour news channels. For example only like 5 kids actually ate tide pods. The rest of the videos were done with editing, which is pretty impressive. And yet the news broadcast it as the trend sweeping the nation's youth. I really wish people could stop generational wars. It's literally a viscous cycle that serves no purpose other than to hold us back and make us stagnant. I wish we could start learning from each other and growing. I love the rounded out person I have become. The way I'm better able to understand other people, put myself in their shoes, sympathize with them and find common ground. I wouldn't be able to do all that without all the things I have learned from being friends with people many different age groups. If you read this all the way through I thank you for being one of few people willing to read something that is a little more than a few paragraphs long. Sadly people are becoming more and more unwillingly to do so. And it really isn't a good thing.

I really like the conclusions you come with this take. I've always been drawn to people, romantically or socially, who are dramatically different than me, to the point that people in my life comment and joke about. I found that I enjoy the differences and find comfort in the way that the core humanity is the same. Learning and growing is exciting as much as knowing that I have a safe place to land in that I've lived life on my terms even when it doesn't work out or I'm disappointed or when other people say I told you so. It's liberating to see a person and not an age, color or gender.

My most enriching relationships have always been with people older than me or younger. Platonic and romantic. I love learning from others who didn't experience everything the same way I did. It's a great way to reflect and understand people better

the fact that this video didn't bring up the friendship in the intern is surprising Anne Hathoway's character is so young and idealistic but she gains a lot of understanding from her older friend who comes in and brings her back to seeing the world in a true unfiltered glasses

I'm 61 and my wife is 34. We've been together since December 2017 and married since January 2019. We couldn't be happier. Don't forget that Bogart and Bacall were 25 years apart and they were together until he died.

So weird, my roommate and friend just told me yesterday that he is starting to date someone who is 10 years older than him. He is 25 and the other guy is 35, my friend is being mature and communicative about that. He told me, that he appreciates having someone who is in different stage of his life than him.

As someone who works in a nursing home with two older man young woman relationships I'm going to tell you the not always the sexy older man. Sometimes you're just pushing around an old man in a wheelchair. You're in your Prime of your adulthood and you're Tethered to an old man. As long as you're a consenting adult I don't feel I have the right to tell you what to do but I'm just saying sometimes you got to think about the end not just the beginning and middle.

Well Steve Martin has looked basically the same for at least 20 years, so it's hard to tell his age relative to her in Only Murders in the Building. He's one of those who got middle aged early, and then just stayed there.

Another fantastic video, I really appreciate the fine editing and even better points made in the script writing, thanks for making this

I really wish we could have more positive representation on the media. I'm 25 and my bf is 45 and ever since we started dating i noticed that almost every ship with the age gap trope ends up badly. Someday i'll write a sitcom or something😂. This relationships can be healthy and good for some people.

I just hope young women can detect when they're in a toxic relationships which don't benefit them emotionally.

We need to explore more May-November Romances. Of course, it does not excuse predatory behaviour.

I am surprised you didn't discuss Leon and Mathilda! It's a classic Lolita set-up, Leon being a grown man and Mathilda being 12 years old. However, he never touches her or acts inappropriately, despite her trying multiple times to seduce him, and him being a very lonely person. At the end, he tells her he loves her. He never says he is "in" love with her, merely that he loves her. And that's an important distinction. Throughout the movie you see him battle between his desire to be loved, and the realization that he is the older and more responsible party in the relationship. He chooses to do the right thing by her and sacrifice his own wants and desires for her wellbeing, in more ways than one. I won't spoil it any further!

If a 30 something y.o is only interested in dating under 25, it’s because they want a partner whose brain isn’t fully developed yet and is still easy to manipulate. Bear that in mind ladies.

What I was expecting you to mention was the double standards in Friends! Monica + Richard was seen positively, but the relationship between Phoebe's brother and his teacher was wrong. Also! Monica calls her relationship with the high school senior "icky". So, old men and young women = good, and the reverse = bad.

I'll turn 30 in November. In February my husband will be 60. We met at work. Anything weird about our ages was projected onto us by others

I respect and admire your Take on this subject. Great job on this video! 🙏🏾 💐

The best age-gap relationship for me is the one of Jo and Friedrich Bhaer in Little Women. I know many people hate Friedrich, but I love him. Another age-gap relationship which I like is the one between Namura and Meiko in Marmalade Boy. Yes, he used to be her teacher, yes, he is 8 years older than her, but I still think they are cute, Namura did everything he could to make sure that Meiko was doing well, he moved away after resigning because he didn't want to trouble her anymore, even though he loved her very much. (I am talking about the Manga version.)

I think the best way I've heard to look at (legal) age-gap relationships is to compare the older person's age to when the younger person was being born. It really puts things into perspective.

I loved ‘American Crime Story: Impeachment’. It was beautifully told. I hope everyone watches it.

A woman dating a younger man is fine. If that man is an adult. Again for the people in the back ADULT. Just don't get into a relationship with a minor if you are an adult. It's not so hard. Don't do thing to kids you wouldn't want done to YOUR kids ( it's kind of unsettling that many child preditors are married and have kids )

For me, the line is around the 10 year gap where couples strike me as normal, or to have a significant gap. Like the difference between Olivia Wilde/Jason Sudekis; or Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise. The first pair seem like peers to me, a typical couple. But with Tom and Katie, their gap seems noticeable. I think their gaps are 10 and 14, respectively.

Not a single mention of Call Me By Your Name? I know you can't talk about everything, but this movie inspired a LOT of recent discussion on the topic. Despite this oversight I'm glad you took an open-ended attitude on the subject. My impression has been that most people who have been talking about age-gap relationships assume it's always abusive, at least in romantic/sexual situations.

The R Kelly and Aaliyah relationship was a huge wake up call. I started from dark satirical comedy in that Boondocks episode. Never knew about R Kelly and wasn't into rap back in high school. Got curious and then I saw the marriage actually did happen.

It's really hitting that your videos haven't been showing up on my feed, I thought you guys dropped off 😬 glad to be watching again

The one that I hate the most is Batman and Batgirl from the Animated Series, now that ticks all the "creepy power dynamic" boxes.

In the end, it's still depends on the people in relationships. My uncle and aunt's age difference is around 13 years, and they worked well as a couple and loyal husband-wife, even until now. They met when my aunt was in highschool and he was already got a stable position in his job. They didn't really date but they're close. My uncle ended up waited until she finished her college, got stable job, and was ready to marry him... (He waited for more than 10 years)... And, while some people still could say they're way too far apart in age, whenever I met them, I don't see these problems people usually said about them. They're amazing as husband and wife, as parents, and especially as uncle and aunt

It is a little weird. Not just in how it makes us feel but how it works. I mean take say a 90 year old man together with an 80 year old woman or vice versa. It doesn’t carry the same sort of feeling you’d get from a say 28 year old man dating an 18 year old woman. The math checks out, the age gap is the same and if you imagine that the former couple had been together since they were the latter couple’s age suddenly it becomes less weird. Maybe there’s a sort of disconnect that gets felt due to the age gap, where it’s like the place you found love was with someone pretty significantly outside your own age bracket and so likely someone you share very little life experience with. With age there’s this sense that you get more mature and so dating far outside your age bracket means you’re dating someone who is far more or less mature than you. Like you were a preschooler while they were graduating college and if you’d dated then it would literally be pedophilia. But the line is very thin and sharp, I mean my parents are less than 2 years apart, but it’s like if they were dating in high school it’d still be weird. I think this is just another stigma that we need to let go of and grow up from, so that we can look at individual relationships for what they are rather than what they look like from our culturally biased point of view. I mean if Hugh Hefner dated 20 year old porn stars that’s one thing, but if a 30 year old man dates a 50 year old woman or vice versa, maybe we just need to let go of our biases there. I mean the whole you were X when they were Y is nonsensical, because you can go “while he was a newborn baby you were a single sperm cell” even if you’re born the same year. When you’re young and growing up, it’s probably a lot healthier to date within your approximate age bracket, but as you get older, which I can attest to even though I’m only 23, you’re getting to a point where your maturation tapers off, the rate it grows is slowing down. At that point, age differences in relationships becomes far less objectively meaningful.

I can't believe you put Harold and Maude in here! I used to love that movie so much. Haven't seen it in 20 years, but still.

This got me thinking about Elizabeth Chadwick‘s trilogy on the life of Eleanor of Aquitaine. When she married Henry II, she was very much the senior partner, in age, experience, and wealth. Although it’s not fully possible to explore either of their psyches in a historically accurate way, it’s implied that one reason for Henry’s dalliances with younger women - most notably Rosamund di Clifford - was because he wanted women who didn’t challenge his decisions or get in the way of his political maneuverings. Eleanor is the complete opposite of passive and regularly calls Henry out for his heavy-handed decisions and hoarding of power.

I’ve never been afraid of loving people elder to me in years and of course, I’ve understood the impractical nature of certain relationships. If I like someone younger someone like as someone who’s always been the youngest in most groups, I do exercise caution because it’s relatively new for me and also the fact that maybe liking some people is not always a sign you should go ahead with it without thinking.

I`m only 2 years older than my bf and I can feel that he struggles to understand what I understood years ago. I had to `finish raising` him in a sort of way, teaching to deal with people, cook, clean, care about the future etc, but that's because his mother raised him to be a `king` and he never had to do anything. Boys are raised to be irresponsible and careless and this makes them look younger and seek less knowledge about simple things like, rent, rights, organization, finances etc... I cant imagine how would be if he was 10 or even 20 years younger, it would be just unbearable. The fact that someone wishes to do that is `red flags` all over the place. I find it disgusting in any gender and sex and I always will. Even if you love a person, love isn't enough and isn't a excuse for abuse, the person needs to be complete on their own, think with their own mind. You can guide them, teach them, but honestly, its gets tough, some times you just want the person to know what you know.

One of the interesting things about age gaps is how much of a role they play in porn videos, such as all the stepmothers, stepdaughters, schoolteachers, etc. (Granted, most of these "age gaps" require a lot of suspension of disbelief, since most of the "teenagers" are obviously played by older actors.) It's an effective way to play with a kind of "soft" dominance and submission, as opposed to the more hardcore BDSM stuff.

As a kid I didn’t even realize there were so many older man/younger women romances; when I was watching something like “Entrapment” (Sean Connery and Catherine Zeta Jones) I just saw two adults in comparison to me. Didn’t start to notice gaps until I was an adult myself. I’ve noticed that there is a lot more scrutiny of age gaps in the anime fandom now, even if gaps that are only a few years. Like, I didn’t remember anyone complaining about the age difference between Sailor Moon and Tuxedo mask back in the day, but now I’ve seen it talked about in conversations of problematic anime couples. Usagi is 14 at the start of the series in both manga and anime, and Mamoru is 16 in the manga and at minimum 18 in the anime. Guess the issue is just more that Usagi is 14 than anything else.

My boyfriend is 13 years younger. Before I had those relationships with guys twice my age - never worked out. They wanted a simple, "uncomplicated", very "open minded" girl, who didn't ask too much questions. They also gaslit me, told me, I am too old (them being twice my age), no one would ever want me, I am "done" when turning 30, that was it for me and so on. I would end up alone, older women are gross (them honestly being gross in some areas), I should be happy to have them, because no one else would want me. And after all these years of being gaslit by older men I have a young boyfriend, who healed everything they destroyed. He treats me like a princess and loves everything about me, unconditionally. Why are older men like this? Is it some sort of revenge or something? It almost broke me.

I started university much younger than most people in my country meaning that I'm currently surrounded with people 5-10 years older than me. My boyfriend is also 10 years older, but as we are at the same stage in our lives there really isn't anything close to a power imbalance.

i was hoping you'd mention leon the professional! So nice to see more recognition for Harold and Maude

My best friend is 18 years senior and I love him like a brother. We met when I was 23, both of us struggeling with family, job, money... we shared an apartment for six years, till I met my now boyfriend, 25 years senior. He is an energetic man, with a great sense of humor, we love and respect each other, enjoy each others company. In the end, that's what it's al about. Not a number.

Licorice Pizza was praised for its Screenplay. Meanwhile if Gary was 25 and Alana's character was high school everyone would have destroyed it

I wouldn't mind seeing more younger men with older women...I've had some horrific experiences with older men and I've noticed younger men of today seem to be more considerate and open minded I had a guy 12 years younger than my ex treat me way better than he ever did.

Great take on this uncomfortable topic! I have to admit, even though I completely agree about learning about each other's life experience and understanding each other better etc, the thought of sexual relations between two people with a 20+ age gap still makes me feel uncomfortable. Regardless of whether they're gay or not. And that is coming from a female who from the onset of puberty was constantly attracted to 30+ year old men. I am aware that my own attraction comes from unresolved childhood and parental issues and a longing to be accepted and recognised by the older generation. But I love how you concluded the video! I do think there's too much of a push in media and elsewhere today for generational wars and hate which makes us think we're so different, when in reality, we aren't and we would realise this if only we communicated more and respected and took each other more seriously.

Honestly, I still don’t understand why same-Sex relationships aren’t as closely scrutinised in movies. I.e. call me by your name - I loved that movie and the story itself is beautiful, but the age gap was uncomfortable to me, especially because one of them is underage (17 I think)