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Something I did to help my sister was join a club that we both liked, knowing she'd follow me, and she made friends that way

Nta but I would be more worried than angry at the fact that she doesn't have any friends or seems reluctant to find or build friendships outside her family.

Nta, you don’t have to share your friends but you could give her some pointers. But ultimately her parents should be encouraging her to do stuff

Teenage years are very tough for a lot of people. Just be kind to your sister, you never how long you’ll have with each other.

My friends abandoned me in my mid teens, because I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes. I understand why, because everything was a chore for me after that. I had set meal times, had to take injections multiple times a day, and test my blood sugar up to 10 times a day. My brother is really nice, and he has a friend who didn’t mind that I joined them on occasion. It was nice, but I always felt like I was their “baggage”, so I just went with them on occasion. I just stopped going out altogether in the end, because I couldn’t handle making friends anymore, because everything got so exhausting after my diagnosis. Things got better when I became an adult, though. My point is, if your sibling wants to help you, then great, but their friends will almost never really be your friends too. You will always be their friend’s sibling. You have to make your own friends, and you can’t really be “taught” to make friends. You can be taught to be less socially awkward, but you also have to find people who match your personality.

sister is clearly struggling, no need to be this mean to her.

Wow, I'm glad my older brother wasn't like that.

NTA parents didn't teach her to make friends and that's NOT your responsibility

First off op is NTA the parents absolutely are. However, teenaged older siblings do you want to know how to be an absolute hero to an introverted younger sibling like this? Take them to a club you know they'd like but pretend you like it so it's cool. Get them in get them settled, like your parents did on your first day at school. There's a moment, and you'll see it first time don't worry! There's a moment when they click on like pressing power on the computer, where they start to smile and talk, that's the moment when you can walk away and go to a different club. Do this a couple of times and before you know it they'd rather be at their activity instead of chasing you. Then there's another moment, this one's a little sad but in a good way, you'll feel lonely for a second, they spent all this time chasing you and annoying the absolute s**t out of you and you'll question "why the f**k am I gonna miss that?" But it's bittersweet. Let it happen, let it sink in, and in 3 years remember it when your parents are crying because you're now 20 and you think they're ridiculous because "this is normal" because empty nesting feels just like that moment when your sibling found their club and didn't need you anymore but just on a different scale.

Nta for saying no but yta for that fuckin attitude

NTA but the sink or swim mentality isn't exactly nice either. Social anxiety can be one hell of a thing to deal with and it also won't kill you to maybe have a fun time with your friends _and_ sister.

I’m getting the feeling that she needs some therapy to tackle why making friends or joining in groups, clubs or hobbies is so difficult for her. Could also be some underlying neurodiversity at play.

NTA, but never expect a friendship between you two. Also never her ask to babysit or do anything for you when you're adults. Be accepting of the future relationship you won't have.

nta for not wanting her in your friend group, ta for being so nasty about it.

I’m introverted and my 1 year younger sister is extroverted. It can be hard growing up with a sister who is prettier and more popular than you. She could have rubbed it in my face and refused to let me join her group but instead she included me, without our parents having to make her. We are both in our 50’s now and we are best friends.

You can help her. Not everyone is socially on cue. We all have our strengths. Use yours to do good.

YTA + ESH (except for the youngest). both the parents for placing this all onto the OP, and OP for how she’s treating her little sister in this situation. her little sister is 15, just got into high school, and is going through a huge social jump away from middle school. i wouldn’t be surprised if she’s having anxiety or even depression from it. at least be nice to her, damn. it’s not like her sister even ASKED to sit there, that was all on the parents. so i’m not sure why all of this aggression is being deflected onto the sister, AND the “get off her 🫏 and make friends”?? seriously?? that’s a horrible thing to say to a 15 year old kid who’s having social troubles. imagine hearing that from your role model, that is soul-crushing. OP should, at the very least, talk with her sister and try to find clubs to join or sports to play. or have her sister sit with her at lunch to help boost her confidence for a bit. maybe OP’s friends know some younger people or even have siblings who would hang out with her. there’s so many ways for OP to go about this situation without bashing her sister for being shy.

Maybe Social situations really upset your sister and makes her uncomfortable, which is why it’s hard for her to make friends and it sounds like she just really enjoys hanging out with you and your friends why don’t you just try to hang out with her by yourself do some sibling hang time maybe she’ll open up to you to tell you what’s going on ❤ she just wants to feel safe and accepted 😢❤❤

Letting your sister sit with you at lunch is a small thing for you to do. When you're older you're going to want a closer relationship with her, but at that point she won't want to have anything to do with you.

As the kid who barely had any friends at all growing up and continue to not have many to this day: it really, really sucks.. siblings are supposed to be your friends too at the end of the day.. It’s not just easy to make friends. Everyone already has their groups, the only stragglers are the ones who are an extremely mixed bag of not having social skills. I would know, I was forced to stick with the “weird kids” through secondary school. Suck it up and help your sibling make friends since they don’t know how and are lonely. Sitting alone at lunch is horrible and so isolating..

I don't think it's wrong to help your sister make friends. Your friends are people too. How do you know they don't want to hang out? My bro had his tight knit group of friends and i would hang with them when they came over. I didn't have a lot of friends myself. I think them being nice to her will help her get more confidence to make her own friends too. You'd want her to do the same for you.

I was that sister who couldn't make friends while my older sister had millions. What got to me was not the fact that I had no friends. It was the fact that my own sister was not my friend and didn't want anything to do with me. Now, as adults, all her friends have gone, and she is desperately reaching out to me to mend our broken relationship, especially after the death of our parents because I am all she has left. Everything you do in the present affects your future. Remember that. Friends come and go, but it's your family that matters.

Could you imagine how lonely it would be yo have your own family treat you this way with such little compassion? Hope it comes back to bite op when their friends grow up and realize how cruel they can be.

I’m surprised at the comments here. The OP doesn’t have to drag the sibling around; that’s not fair to them. But they can be a powerful force for good in their younger siblings life. I had just started high school and a friend’s older sister invited us to sit with her and her fellow seniors. They taught us the ropes of surviving high school. They took us on group dates. They gave us a place to fit in and we were never bullied because of it. I was in advanced band with a bunch of seniors and that same older sister introduced me to a bunch of other musicians and helped me to make friends. I am an introvert who has a hard time meeting people but can make friends once the initial meeting is over. I am so grateful to that senior who took me under her wing. She set the tone for a great high school experience. She was kind to a little sophomore when she didn’t have to be and that made all the difference.

Doesn’t teaching a child to make friends something the parents should have done long before age 15?

Op is nta, BUT she should be gentler with her sister. Don't participate in bullying her. Be her big sis, not her tormentor.

My friends kinda just view my sibling as their sibling too. They hang out with him on their own time and when they visit they always check up on him and bitch at him to do school work. We still get our own adult time without him but when we’re around or doing something he can join us for we don’t exclude him.

Parents need to get her into something she's interested in (even a little). Common interests usually help connect us to others. The answer is not to force her brother to be her friend. This just breeds resentment. They also need to figure out if she's an introvert, neuro divergent, etc. She needs to learn the skills. Using her brother who's already learned them won't help, and tbh, could cause him to lose his own friends.

Onr pointer I have as an older sibling with few friends and went though high school with none is that learning how to be happy alone is better than being surrounded by people who don't want you. Then once you learn to be happy on your own and start doing hobbies and being kind and confident the people will come to you. But this takes time and patience but forcing friendships doesn't work

Well....yes and no. Here's my take: Yeah, your sister could get her own friends, but not everyone is good at that sort of thing. While you shouldn't have to share your friend group eith her and your parents shouldn't force the responsibility on you, I'd say you _could_ teach her how to interact and start convo's with other people and whatnot. Though it might be a different story if your sister was trying to force it on you too.

NTA. I suck at keeping and making friends. Its a me issue, because i ditched everyone else due to one toxic friendship. Its my fault for letting someone else controll my life to that extent. I have horrible social anxiety and cant talk to new people without alcohol. I need to figure out a way to work on how to interact with other people myself. I cant make others do it for me

No, no, no, it's not your job to teach your sister about life, that is what parents are for. Sister is probably introverted & that's ok. She may be quite choosey about who she makes time for. Sit down with her at home, just the 2 of you & talk to her. Let her know what the parents are demanding & express your own boundaries to her. maybe she will open up to you & you may find that she is quite happy in her own company, not all people like to be surrounded by other people. It may be your parents projecting their own expectations onto both of you & that is not right. As a parent, we want what is best for our children, but trying to force them to be what we want them to be, is just ab*sive.

So, she's lazy because she doesn't have friends? How judgemental is that? My mum had that attitude with me for years and used it against me. And trust me, it DOESN'T make the person want to 'try and get friends'. Usually people in school are really shallow and it can be hard to make friends if you're not a certain kind of person. Yeah, you are an arsehole. Not for not wanting your sister to join your friend group (that's a social issue waiting to happen and not to mention she probably doesn't want that. I didn't when I was at school with my brother) but for not even wanting to try and help her make friends. Some people just need a little nudge. This isn't something that's going to take hours off your day to help her. Or hell, even introduce her to clubs she might like to introduce her to people. I doubt you became friends with all of your friend group in a one on one situation. Some were probably introduced to you by other people. And this is assuming she wants your help which considering she called you a mean sibling is probably the case. So yeah, you are an arsehole for not even trying to help her.

YTA. I've been both the kid with no friends, struggling to make any, and the person helping others make friends. The younger sister could be getting odtracized or bullied. She may be struggling with her mental health. Socializing is not something you can teach someone, you can only push them to try it and guide them in the right direction in interactions until they learn it. The parents can't do this for the sister, dragging parents along would make you friendless even in kindergarten, nevermind high school. So the older sibling should care enough about their younger sibling to help. Talk to her, find out what's up, push them to socialize more, and let them sit with you until they find their own friends. My siblings would fight for me, and I for them. How is it that some people wouldn't even sit with their siblings at lunch? Let's stop supporting selfishness and antisocial behavior because "it's not their responsibility". It is your responsibility to be a good person, actually.

A 15 year old that has no friends, needs more help than her brother can provide. Time for parents to engage and tying up another sibling isn’t the answer.

The parents are acting as though they don’t know how to parent a child!?!?!? Making the teenager do it? They need to back off their daughters one. The youngest sister could just be that type of person who doesn’t want friends. The youngest could also be just a mean and rude person that no one wants as a friend. Parents should just ask her if she wants friends, and give them their own advice. They need to stop controlling them.

yta. she has no friends, and you have solutions for her to get some. have her join clubs or something, friends are part of the highschool experience.

How unlikeable can someone be that they have to be taught how to make friends

As someone who has 0 friends and has been alone since I have memory, I cant side with any of them. The sister may be even more fustrated and sad than OP, but instead of telling OP to join her in OP's group, their parents should encourage the sis to join groups with similar interest. So... the AH are the parents who arent helping the sis and making OP resent the sis (I mean, by the way OP narrated this it feels like OP already resents her).

Nah fr my older sister did the same to me. My sister is 20 now, I'm 18, when I was in high school she would just ignore her friends and hang out with me and my friends, it really pissed me off it wasn't too big of a deal tho until I reached year 11 in art class. We had to share a class bc not a lot of students wanted to do it. The class was split down the middle and she would purposely sit in the middle where my friends and I was sitting so she wouldn't get in trouble but she can sit with us. The entire time my friends and I would be working hard on smth she would ignore her work to talk but I told her countless times to focus on her work and let us focus on ours. She would get offended if my friends told her to sit her friends but she still didn't. There was a time I had a really bad experience with my ex and I was shaking really badly but I had to pretend I was fine bc as soon as she would see me upset she will tell our mum and I thought some things my parents didn't need to know. I took a day off bc of an injury to my ankle and the entire time in that class she was shit talking me to my friends saying I was dramatic and our brother goes through worse. That was the tipping point. She's 20 now and still lives at home, no job, no education, no friends. I'm 18 now and I go out with friends often, I work part time and I'm doing a diploma currently. She still depends on me to give her friends which I simply just don't bring them round my place anymore. If I said anything to my parents they would give me shit for it and I'd rather not deal with it. It has really affected my relationship with my sister and now I can't stand being around her.

she probably has social anxiety, which is probably her cause to not getting friends

Yta for not loving your sister enough not to feel bad that she's eating lunch alone everyday.

YTA. Not because you won't invite your sister to the table but because you're just extremely mean and abrasive about her in general.

Kinda the a-hole. She does need to get her own friends but its sometimes hard to get friends by yourself

Joining a club is a great way to make friends

“Why doesn’t my sister talk to me? Because I refused to help her make any friends? Oh.”

Tell your parents to get her the book "How To Win Friends and Influence People!". Or take her to a group/club that she might be interested in and just hang around a bit...........

No! Your right she just needs time, she will find people with similar interests as her in time

Nobody’s saying that you have to share all your friends with her, just let her sit with you it’s not babysitting, it’s just being a decent sibling

NTA. I've been there myself but their parents are failing them both. By that I mean that they're trying to make their younger daughter socially dependent on the older one. Which is damaging to them both since the younger daughter needs to learn social skills and the older one will inevitably get frustrated with her and the parents. She needs to do it herself. For example I started greeting people in the morning as soon as they came in the classroom. Eventually I made one friend, then another and then a whole group just a few weeks into my senior year. Point being that the only way of making friends is to try by maybe joining clubs or groups or just straight up talking to random people in the class.

😂 The parents are blaming him for their failure

bro you parents are saying: WE didn't teach her how to socialize so now YOU have to parent her!

She should go complain to her friends then

I experienced something similar, but she ended up joining the club I was in and I remember being PISSED. But she was allowed to join if she wanted. We ended up being in different friend circles anyways even though we were both in the same club. Now that my little sister has passed away, I’m glad we got that time together even if it was us shit talking each other. Not saying OP should or shouldn’t help her sister. But it’s not something I ever thought. Time isn’t guaranteed.

I'm gonna go with no assholes here. As an older sister I absolutely get op's point of view; you don't need to dislike your siblings to find them annoying. Everyone needs things that are for themselves only, and siblings encroaching on that is really frustrating and unfair. But, as someone with diagnosed social anxiety and a bit of a loner, I understand how much the sister's situation sucks. Some of us are really bad at interacting with other people and aren't really on top of social cues or are just different to everyone else. As for a solution, maybe try to find the middle point? OP can help her out, but the sister also needs to put a little effort on her part. Believe me, I know how hard it can be, but there's really no other way.

This is complicated, and I know I’m not in the popular end here, but Asshole. I’m very close with my siblings, so I’m sure that plays a part in my judgment. Do I think she should be forced into this? No. But if my little sister was sitting COMPLETELY ALONE at lunch, I would 100% invite her to sit with us, and try helping her make fitness along the way. Even if she annoys me all the time (which she does,) I would still make sure she had someone to sit with. Always.

This post made me realize I have an amazing sister

Personally, I think it would be enabling to just invite her into your circle. Eventually, she's going to go to college or join the workforce, and lacking social skills by that point is even more isolating and more frightening to overcome. Give her some pointers, maybe offer to attend the first couple of meetings with her to a club or activity she chooses, then it's up to her.

Partially the A Hole. Throughout this entire thing OP js kept on berating and insulting her sister. Sure, the parents are wrong for forcing her to take her sister in to have lunch with her and her friends, however I don't think it'll hurt all that much if it's just for a few days to give the sister a little nudge to realize just how good friends actually are. Honestly I feel like there's more to the story since OP hates their sister a LOT just for not having friends which is possibly caused by an issue that isn't tackled in this text. Parents are also wrong since they don't quite try to convince the sister herself to make her own friends nor try to explain calmly to OP why they want her to include the sister in. IMHO, OP is a bit selfish for outwardly saying no without even trying to find other ways to help the sister and not even giving it a try. OP could've been NTA but she just had to be this shitty towards her younger sister who is a freshman.

Your not😂 I absolutely suck at making friends. My friends labled me an introvert, anti social, anxious😂 those friends that I made through all that. Its hard but ya gotta make them yourself cuz first impressions are important

I just started at a new school, at my old school my friend group consisted of about 20 kids. But on my first day at my new school I made about 4 friends, all because they invited me to sit with them at lunch, and some of them showed me where my classes are

She's not TA for not letting her sister sit with her, but she Is the AH for not worrying about her. I used to have no friends because of my social anxiety, so things like Clubs were a big no no. But my sister always looked out of me and sometimes invited me to hang out with her friends so I still had some social interactions and fun. Because of that I was able to find friends, which some were the younger siblings of my sisters friend.

Sister sounds like an introvert which makes making friends difficult OP doesn't seem like they have those tendencies, comes off as a teenager trying to be popular. If being popular in highschool is their crowning achievement congratulations. In twenty years they won't even remember highschool, but they will remember being a b*tch to their sister.

You have to teach her how to make friends??? Why don't the parents do it?? It's not like there's a secret handshake to it

Ask her if she wants friends

I'm glad i didn't have this problem with my older brother. He took me everywhere with him and his friend until i made my own in high school.

NTA I tried to horn in on my older brother’s friend group, and while we got along I was still just Bubba’s little sister Soop and they had to censor themselves with me as what 18yr old boys want to talk about inappropriate guy things with a 15/16yr old girl?so I was still an outcast.. I didn’t have a friend until 11th/12th grade when I was put to work in a duo project where I had to interact with another girl, usually I do all/most of the work and give my teammate “they contributed” this was the first time the other person wanted to work with me to do the project. We got to know each other and at the end of the presentation she probably would have faded back into the background like everyone else and I’d still be friendless if it wasn’t for her mother (God rest her) who asked if I needed a ride then invited my family to dinner even tho I just knew her daughter from a work project (and she was just like me, socially awkward, little to no friends).. they’ve been family for 10yrs now❤❤❤ OP shouldn’t be forced to coddle her sister and invite her into the fold. But giving her pointers or saying “next group project, pin someone who looks friendly and who may have similar interests as you and go for it. Start a conversation” or just sit at someone’s table, they’ll either ignore you or you’ll find great friends

NTA your sister needs to get friends

At first I would’ve chalked this up to a case of social anxiety until her sister called her a bad sibling. Either way she shouldn’t have to share her friends if she doesn’t want to.

NTA. It’s not your responsibility to babysit her especially with friends.

NTA no one should have to teach someone how to make friends. I wasn’t taught how to make friends. I just figured it out and I’m autistic. So it seems like the little sister just doesn’t want to do the legwork to make friends and find people that have similar interests to her. She just wants her big sister’s friends. She just be her friends because it’s easier.

"Teach her how to make friends" SHE IS F-ING 15

NTA for refusing to have the sister be part of the friend group. YTA for refusing to teach sister how to make friends.

Well, she's your sister so teach her and remember she might just want to hang out with her brother set healthy boundaries 👍🏻

NTA. It’s healthy to have a space and group of people that have no connections to your family, you may love and cherish your family but sometimes you need an escape to take a breather. You often feel more comfortable open around your friends then family as your friends interact with you for who you are not your blood relation to them so it’s completely valid to keep that as a family free space. She needs to put herself out there if she wants to have any friends, she doesn’t need to be the most out going person in the universe but she can’t do nothing and expect results either. As someone with social anxiety and struggles approaching people start small, compliment someone on something you like, for example if they have a keychain or shirt from some of her favorite media, or maybe she hears in passing someone mention her favorite animal, she can go “ah dude you love (insert thing here) too!?” And then boom convo! The scariest part in initiating the conversation with someone

I hate when parents try to turn the responsibility of being a parent into their older sibling🤦🏾‍♂️

its not your responsibility dude keep living your life.

My sister was a senior and i was a freshman, her introducing me to clubs and people she knew really helped me make my own friends.

In my older brother words, if a person have at least one friend they are just shy or awkward, if they have no friends at all their something wrong with that person (shitty personality/toxic/extreme anti social/etc), so if the only person the sister ‘interacts’ with left to join another is telling of her personality and behaviour.

NTA, WAIT, your parents say YOU have to teach her how to make her own friends. Isnt that something A PARENT should do, and not their Abused Child? (Parentfication is a form of Abuse where a Parent puts their responsibilities onto the child for the child to Fix.)

100% nta. She is not your child, you do not need to hold her hand and watch over 24/7. You can help and encourage her to join clubs to make friends, but you shouldn’t have to carry her around and force her into your life because she won’t get a life. It’s also not your fault she doesn’t want to make friends. You’re about to go to college, you deserve your space and your own friends.

I think this is a classic case of sibling resentment and the parrents are only making her resent the sis more

NTA it's her problem not yours. She's thinking that you are going to make her friends? Mom and Dad need to tell sis that she has to go out and do it herself

That on the sister. She needs to make her own decisions and friends. You shouldn’t have to share your friends with her.

You don't need to share your friends

Glad I go to school alone, glad I don't have brother like this

YTA, clearly OP hasn't heard of something called social anxiety. You CAN and SHOULD let your sister sit at your table.

NTA. But I would just have a conversation about how to make friends and see what happens. Just tell her to go to clubs, talk to people at lunch, and go to places teens hang out and try to make connections there. Then go to your parents and see if they are open to taking her to therapy. A symptom of depression is self isolation, and that symptom can make the depression worse; It's like a snake eating its own tail. Therapy might help her too

She seriously didn't do anything to try to make friends like you are totally right

The lack of compassion is incredible. I understand wanting to have your own space but I'd be concerned for the sister.

Yta, that was just a 14 year old, she’s going through a hard time right now, and I don’t think hearing someone she looks up to talking about her in such a diminishing way is going to help her, also they parents don’t need to put this kind of pressure on a teen, but at the end of the day that’s your sister.

How to make friends: Go up to someone, start talking to them, stick to them like glue, and now you have a friend! I did this to my best friend and we will be celebrating our 10 years of being friends this year. I can’t really remember how our friendship started but my friend said that I came up to her randomly and started talking to her, and all she thought was why is this weirdo talking to me? And then I stuck to her until she got used to me (though I think she secretly liked my company from the start). And honestly I can’t believe 10 years have already passed! It feels like it’s just been a year or two!

What a weird request by the parents. "Teach" sis how to make friends? 🤔

Who said she wanted friends tho maybe she’s happy by herself 😭

She sounds like an extremely shy introvert

If you want your sibling/parents off your case, just find one friend for your sister. Preferably someone she won't get along with so when it doesn't work out they won't ask you to help find another

I had my sister sit with me and my friends until she found her own group. Kids wanted to hang out with her because she was always at a table with a group of older kids.

if i didn’t have any friends my older brothers would let me sit at their table

Nta. She needs to develop social skills. I'm autistic. I didn't have friends. My sister did, but those were her friends and I left them alone. I learned to make my own friends and am well adapted socially now. Proud to say I have multiple great friends, one of which has asked me to be one of his groomsmen (well, groomswomen) and another I consider a brother. ❤