It’s feeling like he doesn’t want her around long term so he doesn’t want to be questioned about her when they break up

If you feel like policing someones behavior, speech, appearance or body, youre not mature enough to date. Anyone. I bet you any money, she speaks better Japanese than he does (as a multiracial) and he's scared the parents will say 'wow, she can teach you a thing or two'.

I speak Japanese and it’s actually really appreciated and seen as a form of respect to learn Japanese as non native Japanese speakers since it can be so complex. Foreigners who put in the time to learn it leave the locals in awe. I recommend at least learning the basics like “thank you”, “hello”, and “goodbye” if you travel to Japan. Even though ur Japanese usage may be limited, it’s seen as you putting in the effort.

If someone “forbid” me from doing something, I would do it twice and send them a picture!

His reasoning is absolutely suspect. Given his gf is meeting his parents and he's 35yo, then I'd consider this a potentially serious relationship regardless of how short the dating time is. So, why wouldn't he want his potential future wife to be the grandparents/parents favourite, if not for inheritance reasons, just for purely egotistical reasons? Why is he so hell-bent on protecting the feelings of his sister-in-law over his own partner? No one can convince me he's not "secretly" into his SIL at this point, it makes no sense otherwise

Here’s my thing…if his brother/sister-in-laws choose not to learn Japanese even though their spouses speak it, that’s on them. She shouldn’t start their relationship on a LIE with his family, not a good look.

Those SILs have had YEARS to learn the language if theyve wanted to sooo he doesnt have a foot to stand on

Well for starters, if there are family who don't speak the language, then don't speak it at all when at a family gathering, that's rude.

The part about how it wouldn't be fair if she was liked more than the sister in law who doesn't speak Japanese is absolutely insane to me. It's not the girlfriend's fault that the SIL who has been married to OP's sibling for ten years and was dating them for however long before that has never tried to learn.

He sounds jealous of her and not that the attention would be stolen from his in-laws, but actually afraid it will be taken from him.

He's jealous, she probably speaks Japanese better than him.

As a bilingual child, I remember my non-bilingual relatives teaching me that I shouldn't speak the other language in front of them because they may feel left out.

At first, I thought the person writing didn’t speak Japanese 😂😂😂😂 jeeeeez, people are crazy!!!

SIL of 10yrs didn’t bother to learn Japanese??? 😮😮 And he is protective of that kind of a person?

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If you are afraid of people understanding what you're saying, you shouldn't be saying it. Plus I'd want my SO to be the favorite. She is my favorite

About how you go about saying honest things without hurting someone’s feelings. My friends and I have this wonderful thing where if we ask someone like “does this shirt look good on me?” And the honest answer is no, the friend we asked then helps us take on finding an alternative outfit. Like we will go hard trying to help the other person find another shirt that works. Or if we’re out in public and can’t fix it, we point out why it doesn’t work in a very constructive way. For instance “I think without the ruffles it’s a good shirt.” So we turn it into a learning about what looks good on us kind of thing. It’s just such a positive space and makes us trust each other so much more

Idk if it's just my culture and Japanese is different, but if my parents found out later on that you could actually speak our native language and lied to them the first time, they'd actually find it extremely weird and disrespectful. They would literally go, "You understood us, why didn't you say anything?" that bf is actually setting her up for disaster. also, just because YOU are insecure, doesn't mean you can dictate what others should do to make you feel comfortable. It's really giving jealousy. Also, as multi-lingual people, it's not our responsibility to accommodate for people that can't understand us. We try to include people, but we're not going to shut our mouths just because you are uncomfortable. They had 10 years to learn the language if they really wanted to. & Red flag on him saying "learned Japanese before it was popular."

Okay as a bilingual person, whoever is bringing a non-speaking guest over has the responsibility to keep them included. If you're bringing someone over that doesn't understand the dominant language, you translate. You keep them by your side and you keep them included. Why bring a guest if you're going to exclude them the entire time.

I’m also half Japanese and my whole family speaks Japanese (including my child), except for my husband. We’ve been together a decade and he hasn’t bothered learning Japanese. I’ve told him I would love it if he learned, so if he ever has a problem of being “left out”, that’s entirely on him. I do agree that there has to be another reason OP is telling his gf not to speak Japanese. But regardless of the reason, it’s ridiculous to tell her to lie about her language skills.