1. All I Want 2. Love 3. I Am 4. Quicksilver 5. Easter Island
The first of the poems, written in sequential order from age 21 onwards.
The poem All I Want emerged from a very profound moment and feeling, which tends to create the most simplistic poems. I wonder if this simple language is closest to the Spirit, as some of the later poems are even more simplistic in expression and at some of the deepest moments of connection.
The poem Love, came about when I was about 21 and first emerging from quite frankly, a period of being in hell, when I had left my whole life behind me to start rebuilding my self. A smile from a beautiful young man was enough to cause a deep stirring in my heart, in contrast to what had come before, and although the smile was a pure projection and in reality not meant in any way meaningfully for me, it nonetheless held up a symbolic mirror and moment of the love that the heart is seeking, beyond this human love that we think we seek but that nonetheless represents the greater love that we are from and which is our home. The second stanza that is not included, was in fact "twice now I have looked up to see a smile I could only have dreamed of; Surely it cannot be for me..." which now fills me with irritation and slight nausea, to think of that naivety and lack of self esteem that generated the poem and the way that youth puts importance on to another. Dynamics I never want to return to!!!
I Am. That was a really interesting experience. I was in the middle of resitting my English A-Level in a new town, after leaving everything behind me and one of the exam questions allowed me to write a poem. I took a deep breath and began. Probably one of the only times I ever decided to write one, rather than it coming forward on its own. As I got deeper into the stanzas, I suddenly started to see something. I think of Light; that's the only thing I can say about it, but it was also knowledge and the feeling is still entirely clear to me now, many years later. It was beyond myself, beyond Gertrude and about Time, and I can remember feeling a little afraid and also relieved (and disappointed) that the exam situation meant I was able to cover it up again and reach the surface, as my brain was just not equipped or prepared to deal with such a thing before I had processed any of the trauma material and the NDE.
The last two poems were dreams! Quick Silver was just wonderful. In the dream I was moving through a forest, and it was so vivid it was as if I was really there, and the words were in my dream and I just woke up and wrote them down. The moment is so vivid and powerful, despite the years that have passed, and it was a knowledge that I am still far away from realising. Easter Island was when I had moved to London for a short time and in the usual agony of transformation and continuing the rebuilding of my self. In the dream I was in a small boat at dusk, with my old lands behind me, symbolised as rocks and the waves were getting higher and higher as I travelled across the sea to my destination. Well, just what the poem says in fact, I can really say no more about it, except that it was obvious to me that it was crammed full of meaning and reassurance, and seemed to tell me that everything was going to be OK.
#poetry
#spirituality
#divine
#dreamsymbolism