Antidote to Shame

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Antidote to Shame

Рет қаралды 10,485

Жыл бұрын

Shame comes from a place of woundedness so it takes intentional tending to our wounds to work with shame. Learn about the antidote to shame using self-compassion and by understanding more deeply where shame comes from.
For more on this topic and the difference between shame, guilt, and embarrassment, check out this video • Shame v. Guilt v. Em...

Пікірлер: 27

@Psychodynamics-With-Martin 6 ай бұрын

Shame is like a poison that infects all parts of our lives and eventually we are left with depression or anxiety. Then we try to treat the depression or anxiety but fail to trace it back to the shame. We get stuck in this endless loop of trying to bandage the wound, but we fail to ever treat the infection. Great Video.

@louisegarner8888 Жыл бұрын

It's important not to confuse shame with guilt, a related but very different emotion. Guilt is a feeling you get when you did something wrong, or perceived that you did something wrong. Shame is a feeling that your whole self is wrong, and it may not be related to a specific behavior or event. It'd be good to see a video giving parents the right language to use with their children when they make mistakes so they don't live their lives believing they're intrinsically flawed. Self compassion certainly helps heal this but I'm more for prevention. 💞

@kitsluys Жыл бұрын

Yes, this is a very important distinction. Embarrassment is another related emotion that is important to distinguish and I explain those differences in another video. I'll share the link with you here and also add it to my description of this video. Thanks! kzfaq.info/get/bejne/oLKHosmfqtS6iYE.html

@herospeedy3174 5 ай бұрын

used to have a "friend" whom would project his shame out on me. after 3 years that shit gave me social anxiety choose ur friends carefully.

@heatherjohnson333 Жыл бұрын

I am in my first year of BPD recovery. It has been a hard road, but a very hopeful one. My first 12 months of research have guided me to find out all I can about shame and how to counter it. This was a very helpful video and I'd like to point out that there aren't too many out there right now like this one. Thank you. I will keep this video in my toolbox. Liking and subscribing!

@kitsluys Жыл бұрын

Glad you’re feeling hopeful and I love that you’re building a toolbox ❤

@aviapoIis 4 ай бұрын

"Healthy self-esteem is not about proving yourself and others that you are worthy of unconditional love. It's about identifying and removing all the beliefs, experiences and traumas that ever convinced you otherwise."❤

@kamnkem 3 ай бұрын

Thank you for this🤍 your message immediately resonated with me and I am committed to doing this with myself

@f4llenstarr 6 ай бұрын

What can I do daily to get rid of shame from my childhood bullying? People making me feel worthless and that I'm not who I am. Now I"m older I live a good life but this underlying shame has shapeed my personality daily. I need to get rid of it. To feel clear again

@Psychodynamics-With-Martin 6 ай бұрын

You have to confront the people in your mind that gave you this feeling of worthlessness. It's usually your parents. Express your anger to them. The thought "I am worthless" is not your thought. It was something that has been projected onto you by someone else. Realize that this is not your voice and it is not your fault you feel that way. Once you have shrunk this negative internalized parent start with self-compassion and more positive affirmations to create a loving inner parent.

@kitsluys 5 ай бұрын

Thanks for asking this. It is definitely a process. I'm not able to speak to individual's unique experiences without being their treating provider. And any advice that you do get, please take it with a grain of salt because everyone's path is different. In general, learning about oneself, fostering self compassion, learning about topics like shame and mental wellness, and when needed, consulting a licensed mental health professional are good ways to do this work.

@KellySnow 5 ай бұрын

There’s a second piece to this I think…..it’s accepting and allowing the “bad” parts of yourself…letting yourself know that you don’t have to run away from those parts of you (knowing it’s the wound and being ok with it) ….a lot of shame can make a person spend a lot of energy trying….trying to be good when all they have to do is accept the all parts of you good and bad

@kitsluys 5 ай бұрын

Absolutely, and I think that self-compassion is a part of the process of not turning away from the wounded parts of ourself. Self compassion can and does foster self acceptance. We are all whole. All of our parts are important and worthy of love.

@star_7776 Жыл бұрын

Oh man, you sound like such a good professional. I suscribe

@CastleHassall 6 ай бұрын

hey "combat" is not necessarily a "bad" word or thing to do, even to things within ourselves.. sometimes it's good to fight a thing that is harming us.. use our willpower not just accept bad stuff all the time etc i used to get very badly bullied.. got told over and over again that it was very bad of me to even want to fight back.. but after years of me letting people physically attack me when i had been really good hearted to them for years, i fought back and beat the people up when they attacked me and i was never bullied again by them but i know you mean well with why you worry about saying "combat" .. it's really nice you are trying to help people and you are really appreciated for how you are being so good hearted and helpful Great advice in what you say.. thankyou

@kitsluys 5 ай бұрын

Good point. There is a time and a place

@DAClub-uf3br Жыл бұрын

How can someone find self compassion when their transgression is unforgivable to society?

@kitsluys Жыл бұрын

Shame and self-compassion are more about your relationship with yourself versus your relationship with society. Self-compassion is about being loving and kind with ourselves, even when we have done things we regret. I wonder if your question is really asking about guilt, which is the feeling we get when we have broken a social norm. The antidote to guilt is taking action to correct our behavior and/or apologize for it. Conversely, when we feel shame the solution is to turn inward to work with ourselves in a gentle way. When we feel shame, we are telling ourselves a negative message about who we are as a person and then feeling bad as a result. Self compassion is always accessible at this point if we are willing to explore ways to be kind with ourselves. We can feel both shame and guilt but the way through these feelings are different journeys. Here's more on the difference between guilt and shame kzfaq.info/get/bejne/oLKHosmfqtS6iYE.html

@DAClub-uf3br Жыл бұрын

@@kitsluys There is no corrective action that i can take. I can no more change who I am then you can change who you are. This is the issue. Not actions taken but the core make up of who we are. You know those personal traits we are born with that you speak of.

@laurahenry3562 9 ай бұрын

Sounds like you have some evil in you ,,,look to the Bible 🙏

@sarahalderman3126 5 ай бұрын

@@DAClub-uf3bryou have to accept yourself for who you are. Accepting our flaws along with our strengths.

@sarahalderman3126 5 ай бұрын

@@DAClub-uf3bryou are the only person you can change, in any way. There are certain attributes that are unchanging, like height. However there are countless ways to work to improve ourselves once we have accepted ourselves.

@sana-cm7oc 4 ай бұрын

Dear God she is beautiful.

@eyeLikeCarrots 6 ай бұрын

There is literally no forgivness for some self-hate and shame.

@markchryss9794 6 ай бұрын

You’re not just thorns. You are the rose.

@sarahalderman3126 5 ай бұрын

Yes, I know it does feel that way... I guess we just have to accept ourselves fully. The good with the bad❤

@IamHisHeismine 4 ай бұрын

You didn’t really talk about the shame that comes from something you didn’t do the shame that occurs from others abusing you and harming you it’s strange, but sometimes we feel shame due to other peoples actions and transgressions against us. You didn’t go over that at all you acted as if shame is only over something that you’ve doneyourself