PLEASE GO STREAM SHAABA'S SONG AND COMMENT A 🍑 HERE IF YOU DO: distrokid.com/hyperfollow/shaaba/i-dont-like-me-either

When I was about 11, riding my bicycle in Windsor Ontario, a young child amongst others on a porch yelled out to me “are you a boy or a girl”? My answer slid-out loud and clear “somewhere in between (not premeditated). And, that’s how I felt until my transition some 50 years later. Being trans was not in our vocabulary back in the 60s, so “somewhere in between” seemed to be a very correct response.

Edit, edit, big fat edit: I am speaking only for myself, there seems to be several cis men in the replies who apparently do feel like they might be more happy as a woman and vice versa, I can only speak to my experiences. /Edit I am cis man, let me reassure anyone who's made the jump and is second (or third or fourth) guessing themselves: the idea of being a woman fills me with no joy or happiness, it doesn't make me feel anything at all, and the only time it's on my mind is when it's brought up, say in a video like this. You should probably trust your first instinct.

I am a ciswoman who lives in jeans and tshirts. Uterus has yet to fall out. I detest society's gender roles very much. If you say you are a sister, you are a sister.

"are you a girl or a boy" what are you, a cop? come back with a warrant

Me: - loved hot wheels - loved pokemon - literally asked my dad if I could pretend to be a boy to join boy scouts as a kid (I'm afab) - hated dresses/skirts My dad: "there were no signs!"

Friend joking: I'm a lesbian trapped in a man's body. Me: 🥹 finally. Words that truly describe me.

I think blahaj is our mascot because movies and bad press made people think sharks are dangerous and scary but they're just floting around eating garbage and we relate to them.

I'm a trans woman, and tbh I don't think I'll ever stop wearing boxer shorts because they're so comfortable imo.

I had no signs as a kid. It was a perfectly cis thing for a boy to do the Wonder Woman spin hoping it would would actually transform him... and like magical girl transformations and wonder if they worked on boys. It was also very cis to want a chakram like Xena's even after I learned what a supposedly VERY feminine symbol it was. Also definitely didn't relate to almost all the memes on egg irl for years. /very very sarcasm & irony

I went out in public with my mom yesterday, and she told me later on that I was confusing the older man we met because they didn't know if they should refer to me as ma'am or sir. She was trying to tell me it would be better to get a haircut or grow it longer because I'm confusing people on what gender I am and that can be aqward (I sincerely don't care). My pixie cut is getting overgrown, and with a mask on, apparently, I appear very androgynous is all I took from her telling me this 😊. I really don't care what people refer to me if we are strangers. In the long run, I find it amusing that I can pull off any gender (expression).

I'm a cis woman but I was raised in a very tomboy fashion, short hair and boy's clothes with a foreign name that people didn't automatically guess the gender of, and definitely had a phase where I questioned my gender even before I learned about trans people. I felt uncomfortable in very feminine clothing, and had mixed feelings when people mistook me for a boy, I was annoyed but also pleased at the same time, and when I got older I started feeling worse and so I had to unpack that eventually. Ultimately though I figured out I wasn't trans. I felt this way because I was raised in a very tomboy manner and didn't know how to feel comfortable outside of that style, but was expected to "grow out of it. I was getting less understanding from strangers once I hit puberty and they could tell I was afab and presumably a girl, which was why I was starting to feel pleased when simply being misidentified as a boy instead of being squinted or frowned at. I also came to realize that my discomfort in feminine clothing was actually much more like a trans woman's discomfort. I'm very tall and broad with big hands and feet, and felt dysphoria when I tried to look feminine because I felt it emphasized all the ways in which I wasn't. I think that people who worry about cis kids questioning their gender nowadays are blowing things out of proportion. Just because someone knows that trans people exist and so their teenage identity crisis includes questioning their gender doesn't mean they're going to mistakenly transition. Having access to trans women's accounts of their feelings was one of the things that helped me actually identify that I wasn't trans.

This is so relatable lol I had a phase where I was like "I'm just a woman that doesn't like to dress in a feminine fashion, nor be associated with feminine things, I just don't like having long hair... or boobs... or periods...." I basically didn't know trans men existed so I thought I was just weird (I had only known and seen trans women, so I thought only women could be trans). Until my boyfriend at the time introduced me to trans men... and then I was like "pfff but I'm not trans, I'm just not feminine!" And then one day I was on tumblr, and a post with photos of David Tennant appeared and when I was looking at them I was like "wow, I'm so gay........ wait what?" and that's how I knew. So thanks to David Tennant and his handsome face I realized I was a man 🤣

I think my defining egg moment (transmasc) is when I was in third grade at my birthday party. I was in the middle of a water gun fight and most of my friends were guys so their shirts were off. So naturally I tried to take my shirt off without thinking of it and my mom scolded me and I had no idea what was wrong with it- I didn't understand why it bothered me as much as it did cause of how conservative my family is and now I have the words to say it.

No joke, egg_irl memes made me realize I was trans. First time I went there, I related to so much stuff, I had to stop myself looking at those memes because it was making me question myself so much. Some time around Feb. of this year, I went back (because those memes are funny as heck), embraced how relatable they were and I started seeking a psychiatrist. Lo and behold: they confirmed I was a trans man lol. 7 months on T and going. Just got my recommendation letter for top surgery. It DOES get better, folks. :)

Jamie acknowledging "Jamie Lee Curtis" and then not recognizing her face 30 seconds later is killing me. 😂

"I didn't have any signs as a kid" *Had dreams were I was a girl and I was extremely happy and I was actively trying to dream that again and again*

I have this memory of me (before 11 but I’m not sure exactly what age I was) thinking “I wonder what my boy name will be when I’m older?” Or “I wanna name myself Kai when I’m older” 💀 turns of I was transmasc lmao

I was 15 when I first said out loud that I wished I was a girl. It took 15 years to discover it was a thing others had done. Another 20 years saw me spending time with trans men. 5 years later I realized I had to embrace both or end. I'm currently presenting as fem, and apparently passing, even without hormones which I hope to start before the year ends. Delays due to health issues. Amab and have always had more room than balls. I can't stand boxers and didn't try boxer briefs until 5 years ago. Nananananananananananananananana Batman

Thank you so much for this! I had a supervisor who insisted that we could only use a students’ gender aligned pronouns if the parents were on board. I would NOT consider outing a student to parents, particularly when a student was afraid of his parents knowing that he is a boy! However, as much as he needed protection from his parents, he also thrived when I started using he/him pronouns. That shy smile, the confidence that developed, were essential to his mental health, even if he couldn’t be himself at home. Please please please keep being a voice for kids who are not able to share their truest selves, yet. Please keep educating us. And thank you for your voice.

I dreamt/wished to be a girl/woman for about 40 years - always used to think it was a response to trauma.

Hi im a closeted trans boy and i would like to say thank you for looking at Egg_irl!! I love your channel!!!

5:46 This happened to me once. I was 16 years old and presenting femininely (long hair, no binder) and closeted (so no T or voice training) and this kid asked "are you a girl or a boy?" and I was just so excited that he wasn't sure, but I had to say "girl" because he might tell his mom if I said boy and this was at my (transphobic) church. He straight up goes silent for a moment and then says "you sound like a boy." I probably would've been really upset if I was a cis woman or transfem but my transmasc heart was so happy

Transwoman early in transition here, with this to say: I’ve had two experiences related to transition that stick out in my mind. The first is someone yelling “K*ll yourself, tr*nny!” From a moving car. The second was a complete stranger, a (presumably cis or cis passing) woman, gushing over how cute my outfit and telling me she wished she could pull it off as well as I did. This lead me to a deep moment of consideration: I can either focus on the first interaction, and ruin my day/fill myself with doubt, or I can focus on the second and feel empowered and comfortable that there are plenty of good people in the world. I chose the latter, and feel like I am much happier for it. Great content as always Jamie! Subbed, I can’t believe I haven’t done it until now.

-Drew crossdressing/genderbend art -Liked to pretend to be a different gender -Often imagined a genderswapped version of our universe -Unironically said I identified as a cat -Obsessed with Mettaton from Undertale Came out at 17. I'm 21 and have only been medically transitioning for 5 months. I'm so mad at my younger self for not realizing what was wrong.

I can only remember being asked "are you a boy or a girl" one time. My response: continuing to quietly walk up the stairs.

Is it a boy? Or is it a girl? The Mangle: *static sounds* Scott Cawthon: yes 👍

damn im a trans women and i feel as though my really supportive therapist is a little skeptical cause i havent gone through a lot of measures to appear feminine, but im just like when i was a kid i literally called myself a tomboy though

If someone asked me today if I was male or female, I'd say "yes!" and smile widely. I might even wink!

The only uh-oh about being trans that I got was when the clinic called me straight. That made me have to rethink the situation 😂

Am I a boy or a girl? Neither. I am a burden and a mistake 😊

Had my hair cut and wore a pretty masculine outfit that day. My mom told me not just once, but twice to wear earrings cause I looked like a boy. She didnt know it but that reaffirmed my gender and made me feel quite happy that day :>

Long before I transitioned, my cis girlfriend loved wearing my boxer briefs, and I loved wearing her pajamas and bathrobe. And she tried on one of my button-up shirts once. I haven't talked to her in years, but as far as I know, she's still cis. Although that would be really funny if a transmasc egg and a transfem egg had gotten together.

I needed these 💕 my four year old goes by she pronouns. I know that might sound odd for some people. It did to me at first too because of how young she is. She’s been telling us she’s a girl for eight months now. Whether it’s “a phase” or not, people give me a lot of flack for letting her go by what she’d prefer. It’s really encouraging to hear these memes and feel kiddo might not have to go through a lot of this.

I really needed this video after all the crappy transphobia from yesterday, thank you! Also happy trans awareness week everyone :) you're seen and valid whoever you are ❤️🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️

Is it fine that I showed no signs of being trans as a kid? (Im an afab enby) I was fine being feminine but when I found out non-binary people existed I started trying new things out and I feel more comfortable being gender neutral now

I'm trans, older, and have been out for slightly over a year at this point (it was October 2022 I came out at work). The cruellest thing people in the UK have to deal with are the waiting times for a Gender Identity Clinic (GIC) in the UK, and the atrociously slow pace of treatment. You only get your dose increased by a maximum amount of 1mg every three months (estrogen gel). Honestly, watching content like Jamie's was one of the things keeping it nagging at my mind. It was just so good to see trans stuff. I've been a lurker for years, never commented that I recall anyway. I am here, I am trans, we exist. We walk among you. Jamie, you are amazing. All trans people, we are all amazing. To all my trans sisters, brothers and siblings: Respect yourself, enjoy yourself, and be safe. And stay amazing :)

I’m a woman who has a very strong hatred and anger towards homo/transphobes.

I distinctly remember thinking one time when i was very little about the pros and cons of being a boy or girl and then i remember not being able to come to a conclusion about which i found better Now my bigenderfluid self is questioning myself everyday 🙃👍

I was a tomboy and I got frustrated trying to explain the difference between expression and being trans. I really wish angry straight people would research what they are hating on 🤦‍♀️

I am so grateful for conversations like this. I'm in my mid-forty's, and was only able to understand that the extreme discomfort I feel when someone refers to me as a "woman" was not due to my strong feminism, but because I'm agender a few years ago.

Someone called me a slur the other day and just, expected me to think its a joke? Imagine if i did that! "Shut up you ni-" and just expecting it to be fine, it doesnt make any sense!

Recently found this web novel about a MtF lovely transgender who to get distracted from a break up of a 3 year long relationship entered a VRMMO, ended up with a female avatar from a happy little accident and eggs really were cracked…. Such a lovely thing, when people, trans or not, realise who they are and can just embrace it in a safe environment. Luckily this character had a supporting family and it felt great reading about. But the entire dysphoria that came after her spending a week as a girl in this game, just to come back to her male body as she logged out. It was so overwhelming (as I can really live through characters in stories), the jump between dysphoria and euphoria. Now I am trans myself, MtF, and could relate a lot to this story. And a few of the memes here. As someone who’s been unable to get any medical help yet with transitioning I know one thing for sure though… aesthetic expression can do a lot to alleviate dysphoria. Dress up for you, not for anyone else. And although it may not remove the dysphoria completely. Being in an outfit you like, maybe having make up on if that’s your thing, etc, it helps a lot.

6:47 I had this happen at work the other day. A little girl leaned over while her mom was paying at the window and blurted you look like a girl and her mom immediately said, "don't say that that's rude." I laughed and said thanks tho and then felt very good.

My first time being accepted was in a psych hospital, I got to wear boxers, hear my preferred name, everything. My mom took me out after 3 days because of it and says they were abusing kids cause they let you chose the underwear you wear...[i also got to keep my binder last time i was there 🕺🕺🕺]

Transmale here, my names Ash and I get "is it short for Ashley/Ashlee?" More than you would think by people who don't know I'm a male. Some people don't ask they just use she/her before I tell them

12:05 hahahahaha yeah that happened to me, started as an ally found I was a part of the community

I never felt voice dysphoria because i used to pretend that i was acting as a female character so i had to play the part with my voice, which actually made me not feel like my voice didn't align with my identity because it wasn't my voice it was somebody else's.

16:45 rip Technoblade

Idk why but i read EggIRL as Egg Girl and I was so confused

I didn’t know you and shabba were married !!!! That’s wonderful , last I heard you guys were just bf/gf . ❤🎉 congratulations you two

7:12 (american school years) on the contrary, when I was in eighth grade I had just come out, and I was kinda a teacher assistant, and so I was told to take a beaker to the sixth grade science class, and so I did, and I had one side of my hair shaved and the other went all the way down my face, and I can't remember if this is when I had pink, blue, or black hair, but I think it was pink, but the sixth graders were arguing on whether I was a boy or girl, and as I left I shouted "I'm a boy" and they all started freaking out like "THAT'S A BOY?!?!" still one of my favorite trans moments I've ever had

"Enby character with godlike power having to save the world" has gotta be one of my favorite genres

THE FROZEN MEME-

“The train did not even arrive at the station to collect my thoughts. Just… pissed off into the distance…” why is this my favorite phrase now?

Im trans and a really femme guy. I didnt show any signs as a kid because I LOVE traditionally girly things especially when i didnt realise there was a gendered connection. I still love all of that stuff. It wasnt until puberty came that I started to internally show signs.

I really appreciate this video since ive been having some really bad chest dysphoria recently, and this is a welcome repreive from the transphobia and transphobic ads ive been getting recently. Tysm for making content Jamie! Im trans androgynous and i hope ome day soon i can get top surgery or at least a chest reduction because I HATE my chest most days.

14:43 the longest route you can go to buy the blajaj is do you have money: no do you have a job: yes do they pay you: no do you have possessions: no do you have a soul: yes

A very *fun* point I want to make is that like, You can be the most stereotypical transgender kid ever growing up- and if you aren't given the resources to understand what's going on with you- you might still not come out until you are an adult. And people will still act like there were never any signs. I knew I wanted to be a girl from the age of 7 years old. I had a few very stereotypical, very cliché, experiences with gender dysphoria as a young child- and I was routinely *corrected* by adults around me, my family, teachers, etc. I was excluded from lunchtime play in primary school because one of my friends lent me a spare school summer dress to wear while we braided each other's hair. Stuff like this kept happening to me. I even told a school councillor, aged 13, outright, that I was scared my body was changing in the wrong ways and I wanted to be a girl. She told me that saying stuff like that is probably why other kids think I'm gay and why I get beaten up all of the time, and she signed me up to out of school sports clubs, to help me man up. I eventually "accepted" that I had to be a boy. But I would find ways to alleviate the dysphoria (a word I wouldn't hear used to describe the feeling until I was 21 years old) as best I could, but as far as i knew, I couldn't be a girl, even if I wanted to. I delved deep into counter culture as a teenager, because goths, punks, emo kids? well, like, dude's in their circles could wear makeup, could grow their hair long. Hell even the girls in those circles often liked androgynous looking guys! I remember being bullied for looking too girly, you know those memes about guys clinging to compliments for decades? I can perfectly recall compliments and *insults* about how feminine I looked from my adolescence even now. I remember listening to the Against Me! track "the ocean" in 2007, in an art class in high school, while I was sketching drawings of mutants and zombies. I picked up on the lyric "If I could have chosen, I would have been born a woman" I remember rewinding and listening to that verse over and over. feeling this sinking in my heart. "Was he just like me?". (Turns out she was by the way, the lead singer is now a transgender icon). Later I moved in more queer circles, and was able to present femininely, even outright crossdressing with the explicit intention of passing as a girl.... always just for laughs ofc. Always just to make a statement. My time with people from all of those groups shaped a lot of the person I grew to be. But it was never really what I wanted, there was always a secret reason I enjoyed wearing makeup, or dresses, or wearing my hair long. I wanted to be a girl. When I learned what being transgender was, I was terrified. I went into denial. I tried to be more masculine, I tried to hide from it. If I accepted that I wanted something I could never have, that would hurt more than I could ever imagine. If you had asked me 4 years ago if I was transgender I'd have laughed and half-jokingly said: "I wish, then I could take oestrogen and be a pretty girl!" Now I'm several months deep on HRT and laser hair removal treatments, and my only regrets are that more people didn't accept me, and that i didn't do this sooner.

Before I fully realized I was trans I thought “is being with a woman supposed to fill that feeling of wanting to be one” or something around those lines

Jamie: Which flag are you? Me: I may be transfem and also a lesbian, but I gotta go with the funny skeleton man ehehehe

I came out and everyone acted like it was so sudden and they were surprised. and its like, of course you didn't know. It wasn't safe to tell you. also, I heard about the soy thing. I ate more.

A child accosted me in the women's room T_T (cis woman, but I look masc at times depending on how I dress...) she was screaming "THERE IS A BOY IN THERE. A BOY IN THE WOMEN'S ROOM." I was dying. I just wanted to pee.

I love the promo for your wife, so sweet!

20:35 "i was really nervous and its not because i was dodgy" Also him having "dodger" in his name: 🗿

As an agender person currently going through a dysphoric episode--I agree with the sentiment that dysphoria deserves to be poked with the suggestive shape of the castle in the Little Mermaid.

It's funny I started watching channels like this as a bisexual then I started to relate too much to the trans memes and then all the repressed memories and feelings started coming back and now I realize that there may be a reason that I hate hearing my own voice and mirrors so much.

Lol, I've been dodging mirrors and cameras most of my life cause I didn't like how I looked. Turns out I've been training for transitioning my whole life.

As someone whose egg just cracked in July, these memes were very relatable

Duck dysphoria. NO WAIT I DON'T WANT THE DUCKS TO HAVE DYSPHORIA NOOOOOO

8:24 Like how I ironically had to play every male character in any Barbie's or roleplaying game as a kid because "no one else wants to and I don't mind" and tried to convince my friends that male characters were necessary to the plot when they weren't

About that very first meme, I might be able to move out in a week or so!!!!!!!! So f*cking excited :DD Oh also that voice dysphoria bit thing was the most relatable thing ever

I lucked the hell out not having a lot of body hair, i still shave my face daily though. Waiting for E to thin put facial hair and laser to help

I'm relating to this but as a bi egg cracking. The "are you a girl or a boy" one made me think of a friend in high school who had a pin that said "straight but not narrow". I thought "oooh I like that! It would show that I'm am ally! But...straight? That doesn't sound....truthful?" Sadly my bi egg didn't properly crack till I was already married to a man (who I love) so I just appear to be straight even though I'm definitely not. Oh well.

8:42 this is literally one of my biggest insecurities because I was the girliest girl ever to exist as a kid and I was so extremely feminine and most of the trans guys you see online are like „yeah I’ve always known, I dressed like a boy all the time“ And I know it doesn’t matter but my brain can’t seem to get that :/

Im bigender and genderfluid so i have two genders and they are both wiggly and boy does dysphoria suck I am in a state of confusion and crisis about my gender 24/7

Frick dysphoria. It's one of the worst [redacted redacted REDACTED] feelings and triggers several of the others. Hate it.

I want to share my trans joy : today is a big day, as I just got my paper with my new name on it, i can start changing it everywhere ! And I met my T doctor who said I could start soon ! Happy day to you, I wish you the best

Jammidodger being popular is a sign that there's good in the world.

10:53 thank you for saying this. I am agender but I tend to present more feminine for safety reasons and because of that most people assume I am a female.

I would Like to comment this because I am so grateful about how you helped me figure out my sexuality and gender!

I had a genderneutral birthname. Still changed it because it had a lot of sad memories from my life up to that point attached to it. I still flinch everytime i hear it somewhere. And it is really popular with Trans and nonbinary people as a chosen name -_-

My therapist was amazing until I told her I didn't want to be a girl. She said that it was because I saw my female role models as weak and didn't want to be like them. She misunderstood me so much in that moment, I don't know if I was able to be vulnerable with her after that.

thank you for pronouncing blåhaj pretty much correctly

As a little girl I hated wearing dresses. Now, it's complicated, but... skirt go spinny!

Me when I was 12 thinking it was usual for people to wish they would get breast cancer so they could have their breasts removed and not understanding why that would upset some people Also me years later being asked if I was the brother of my younger sibling and just standing there for a full minute being confused/weirdly happy until the person who asked walked away.

I dont have many happy moments from my school but this one moment made me extremely happy, a little boy who was probably in grade 3 or lower, asked me if i was a boy, i told him that i was and then he paused and asked "why is your hair purple" it broke my heart a little because due to the very hard rules of having no dyed hair in my school and his parents definitely have made remarks to people with dyed hair, i responded that my hair is dyed purple because i like having purple hair and he happily said "cool!" And walked away and i hope i gave him a little hope that he doesnt have to abide by societies cruel "rules"

Love you Jamie!!💛💛🥔🥔 Loving the new Hair!! Congrats to Shaaba!! 🎉🎉

I don't think I ever had an egg phase. I didn't think there was anything weird about being a masculine girl and I didn't know that cis was a term (I've lived under a rock my whole life). As soon as I heard the word trans I was like "Yes! This is me!" But when I told my mom she did the whole conservative Christian thing and scared me out of it. And now six years later I'm still trans. Big surprise.

So, while I still miss her after she passed away last year, I will always remember when I was a kid and started growing my hair out and got my ears pierced...before my grandma Sheila told my dad that "little boys don't have long hair or piercings" and my hair was cut and my piercings were removed. It was one of MANY times that her and her son stopped me from being me over the years. So, I laughed out loud when your example name was Sheila. Lol.

"This is gender." Got me good. Thank you for being you💙💙💙 I had quite a sensory overload earlier, and your voice and videos are so soothing.

Jamieeeeeeeeee please where is your sensory overload jumper from 😭 I love it so much it looks so cosy and it describes my existence in beige and green and I cannot locate it I will be forever grateful if I could gain even a shred of information on where to purchase one. Thank you and for the wonderful videyos ❤️

I'm not trans but I really relate to the "maybe I'm lying to myself." I know I'm bi, I'm attracted to women, but I still feel like a fraud 😕

Jamie needs to do more voice overs and readings. its soooooo satisfying the not speaking thing is too relatable for me because my family always gets mad at me for not answering when hey just didn't hear me

🍑 Shaba has a lovely voice and the little quiet 'sorry' a couple of times was really relatable. Really annoys my partner how often I say sorry in relation to things that are not my fault, just didn't work out. Sometimes i do feel I'm apologising for existing.

Slowly coming to the realisation in my 30’s that wanting to be mistaken for a boy some days is not a normal AFAB cis thing. Beginning to accept that I probably fall somewhere under the gender fluid banner. Many thanks to Jamie and OT for introducing me to these scarily relatable subreddits.

There were plenty of signs for me when I was younger, but after finding One Topic, one day I just kinda sat there connecting the dots. After a couple of weeks my gf was wondering what was wrong and we talked about it. She told me she thought I was for years.... Friend of mine had been suspecting it for years.... people online often had been thinking I was a girl for years.... lol? You brought up mirror and body dysphoria. I have plenty when I look down, but as for mirrors. Well I might feel dysphoria looking at one if I did not have to remind myself that that is indeed me every time I see myself in one.

Haha one of my favorite and most validating moments to being ‘switching between feminine, masculine, or somewhere else’ is when a neighbor kid (who I’ve known for a while, he was like 8 then) saw me walking down our street and loudly asked his Dad “Is that a girl or a boy?” I was wearing a flannel with jeans, but my long hair was tied up in a ponytail and I had purple shoes on. He still got it. When I got in the car with my Mom I mentioned it to her, and she gave an awkward laugh and said "What? You're obviously a girl." The rush of happiness I got was one of the things that clued me in that maybe I wasn’t strictly ‘girl’. I was thinking about it for the rest of the day :) Thanks kid.

15:41 As I learned more about trans & non-binary people, I decided that if I ever had a kid, I would make sure either their first name or middle name was gender neutral so if they were trans or non-binary, they were set.

Oh fudge. 🥚 me rn realising…. 🏳️‍⚧️ Edit: I thought everyone questioned their gender 😭