Are you just Socially Anxious or are you Actually Autistic?

Рет қаралды 158,563

Күн бұрын

I'd love to post more frequently on this channel because I have WAY too many ideas! To make the possible, I've started a Patreon. If you join, you'll get get 2 exclusive videos a month and access to the Discord server, even on the lowest tier:
/ imautisticnowwhat
🐌 If you want to learn more about the Patreon & Discord community, I have a video tour! 🐌: • Introducing... THE ANT...
Part 2 about sensory differences:
• 10 Traits of Autism in...
Part 3 about emotional experiences & interests:
• 10 Traits of Autism yo...
This is the first part of my three-part series about signs of autism (I say women in the title, but these could apply to any individual of any gender...women are humans after all! We're also ridiculously under-diagnosed). I'm talking about all of the social stuff like playground loneliness and discomfort with eye contact.
00:00 How common is autism in girls? They got it wrong.
00:55 Common misdiagnoses
02:08 How men get away with autism
03:07 Don't worry if you don't relate
04:27 Do you have social anxiety?
05:43 Everyone else is managing this
07:50 Do you have any friends?
09:17 Can you keep friends?
10:40 How we feel about female friendships
12:50 Older or younger friends?
13:50 Are you naive?
15:59 Can you make eye contact?
20:00 What do you do with your hands?
21:26 Are you constantly monitoring yourself?
I really hope this is helpful/useful to you in some way. Thank you so much for taking to the time to watch! Feel free to make requests for future videos in the comments below.
DISCLAIMER: I am a second-year psychology student and a late-diagnosed #actuallyautistic individual. I am not a qualified healthcare professional.
*Books I'd Recommend about Autism:
Different not Less by Chloe Hayden (read if you want to cry):
amzn.to/40fKx2m
Aspergirls by Rudy Simone:
amzn.to/3xSZ6Mg
Sources:
Finding the True Number of Females with Autistic Spectrum Disorder by Estimating the Biases in Initial Recognition and Clinical Diagnosis (2022):
www.mdpi.com/2227-9067/9/2/27...
A Qualitative Exploration of the Female Experience of Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) (2019): www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/arti...
KZfaq Channels Mentioned:
Autism from the Inside:
/ @autismfromtheinside
*Links with a star are affiliate links. The channel will receive a small commission if you buy anything on Amazon after clicking through with this link. There's no extra cost to you and any money will go towards putting out more content. I'd love to post twice a week and put more time into research for these videos. Thank you so much - I really appreciate everyone sharing their stories in the comments.

Пікірлер: 668

@imautisticnowwhat Жыл бұрын

I've posted my video about what autistic masking feels like from the inside (from my perspective, a few studies and articles, and the many other anecdotes I've read from the autistic community online): kzfaq.info/get/bejne/fpqmlrCIp53KpYU.html

@albanewest2361 Жыл бұрын

Thanks for posting the link here.

@stevealexander2649 11 ай бұрын

the back ground music is so distracting, for me. But the honesty and enthusiasm and connection is amazing

@eskeemo289 5 ай бұрын

Definitely resonated with a lot of this, especially the “leftover friends”. I’m still wondering though, what is the difference between these socially awkward habits and autism? I guess I feel a bit skeptical of the idea that just because these experiences are relatable means someone is autistic. I feel like so many non-autistic people will be able to relate as well. Or… is it just that there are more autistic people in the world than we thought?

@hyperautisticequestrian 3 ай бұрын

I experienced a memory watching this video. I remembered being mocked by my much older brothers for my arm movements while talking. This memory is well over 50yrs ago. My natural stims repressed in order to fit in.

@SarelleSirius 9 ай бұрын

The fact that men can be quiet, and keep to themselves but be seen as hardworking and focused while a woman doing the same thing is seen as stuck up and unhappy is a shame. It’s a HUGE discriminatory issue I’ve noticed being less talkative.

@worlore1651 Ай бұрын

Not if the man and woman are both doing something... you probably weren't doing anything but staring

@BorksmithandTheBeef Ай бұрын

@worlore1651 I don't necessarily agree with that, due to how many times afabs are expected to "smile" and called names for not obliging. Even by total strangers in public settings like the street. There is an entitlement folks have to fem folks emotional performance.

@chazdomingo475 Ай бұрын

I'm quiet and keep to myself as a man and that's not my experience. I've been seen as passive and shy which are not masculine traits.

@MSunhee Ай бұрын

Thank you for this video!! I can relate to everything you said so well. I feel the same way about women and laughed so much the way you described how fake they are. It drives me nuts! I get along so much better with men but then the problem is they always think I am pursuing them romantically so I just can’t have any friends besides my boyfriend/partner.

@MelHS-gr4lv 19 күн бұрын

How does that make sense though? That sounds incredibly ignorant with this "men getting away with autism" rhetoric when it does NOT work like that in the dating scene at all. You sound like you do not have a clue what is going on with that lol!

@MDev1997 Жыл бұрын

Alphabet soup is the perfect word for it. I've been diagnosed with 7 of those mentioned conditions plus OCD. My partner once joked that I'm a walking, talking DSM-5 and I've never laughed harder in my life 😂

@rbmw981 10 ай бұрын

Same for me! Almost. 6 of those plus OCD and PTSD All before I was 25. Realised I was autistic around 2018. Dianosed aged 36 this year. Now aged 37 and been referred for an ADHD assessment recently.

@AutisticAwakeActivist 9 ай бұрын

That’s exactly what I said to my shrink,?” I’m a human not a walking DSM5 of failure and disorder. But your profession failed me when I should of known better when I got overwhelmed

@Tocinos 8 ай бұрын

DSM is pseudoscientific material that used to list same sex attraction as a disorder. Good luck shilling for insurance companies 😉

@RTMonitor 5 ай бұрын

That's hilariously dark, I have not thought that you got joked as a walking, talking DSM-5. I do imagine that, I might be, an another walking, talking DSM-5.

@infinitecurlie 4 ай бұрын

Lmaooooo one of my friends whose a psychologist was like wow you have enough diagnoses for five people. 😅 Thanks mom and dad!

@Zidrazia Жыл бұрын

The "prefers socialising outside your own age group" and "often misunderstood as flirting" is an unfortunate combination. I feel like autistic girls and afab people can be easy targets for grooming. We need to teach all kids what is and isn't appropriate, but I feel like this is especially important. At the time it happened to me, I didn't really understand the social differences with ages. I felt so much older than I was! But now, I'm looking back as a 25-year-old, the same age as that person was when they entered a relationship with a 16-year-old that they had known since 14. There is no way I could ever convince myself it was appropriate, even though 16 is the legal age in both our countries.

@cuteizombi6946 Жыл бұрын

Yeah I worry for my little sister sometimes especially because she loves to socialize with people outside of her own age group my little cousin is 13 my sister is 18 just to give an example I sometimes worry how she'll handle dating especially if someone older approaches her because she's super friendly and she'll talk about almost anything it's scary sometimes

@danifears9286 Жыл бұрын

Lot's of danger in this area for sure 😕

@eekk6230 Жыл бұрын

This. Older males loved me as a teenager and I found it so easy to be friends with them, I was extremely naive, i didnt know i was "attractive" and I certainly wasnt aware that my personality was seen as flirtatious. It landed me to being groomed and multiple abusive long term relationships.

@jossypoo Жыл бұрын

My recent ex and I had realized that the Manic Pixie Dream Girl trope is almost definitely a format of older problematic men hypersexualizing women on the spectrum.

@tobyisaracoon Жыл бұрын

Yeah, I had issues like this growing up because I had trouble telling who was ok to talk too. I still do now every once in a while and get scammed out a bit of money or something. I wish someone helped me have a better understanding of it

@specificsoup 9 ай бұрын

I feel like my social anxiety comes from Autism + extreme self-awareness. like I notice people who are Autistic but less ... extremely self-aware..... just sort of be "awkward" and vibe with it or don't care and sometimes I'm jealous of that. i wanna just be weird

@summero-my5in 7 ай бұрын

Yes but if you’re better at masking you’ll notice how others react to them or you’ll hear how others talk about them behind their back. It’s sad

@singerofsongs468 3 ай бұрын

Sometimes I feel so self-aware that it circles all the way around into like deluding and denying myself support and invalidating myself, “because like, if I were _actually_ autistic, then I wouldn’t be so good at knowing precisely when to hide the offputting parts of my personality!”

@cirriform 3 ай бұрын

WHY IS THIS RELATABLE

@Gravity.96 Ай бұрын

Same! I’m a bit jealous of people who can just be themselves, even if it makes them seem a bit weird. Most of my energy is just spent on making sure I fit in😂 I remember being 7 years old and noticing that I fit in better than the previous year because I started trying to crack jokes with my new friends…so I started doing that more, while at the same time being very conscious of the fact that I’d emotionally crumble if nobody laughed😂🥺

@sianchild Жыл бұрын

"The more I like a person, the more I can't". So well put! I think it's because if I don't succeed at making friends with them it feels worse.

@ingvildp5474 Жыл бұрын

Omg the eye contact thing! There are so many times I catch myself looking at something else than the person I'm talking to. And then reminding myself to look at them, but forgetting it again a few seconds later. It's also especially hard to maintain eye contact if I'm talking about something personal or something that requires a lot of mental thinking.

@AKayfabe 9 ай бұрын

I never look at anyone I talk to. I never have. The only time I do was job interviews and I had to tell myself to do so ahead of time. Remember to look in their eyes and don’t forget what you are talking about when you do. It will freak you out but you HAVE to look because real people think it’s normal. Even though it’s not. But pretend it is.

@RedPilledAsFuck 8 ай бұрын

i do not maintain eye contact at all, fuck that. it makes me so uncomfortable. looking in someone’s eyes i do once n awhile for just a bit and every time it feels alien. idunno if i’m autistic.

@turkinator1375 5 ай бұрын

Funny thing, I’ve found this translates to video games as well. The amount of times my mums gotten annoyed by me moving the perspective camera around, usually looking around the room or aligning the lines on the cursor with corresponding lines in the environment, while I’m listening to a character talk is… too often.

@maggieluvtacos 5 ай бұрын

YES!! I try to make eye contact but it just feels weird and uncomfy, I pay way more attention when I don't make eye contact lol

@xfreja 4 ай бұрын

@@AKayfabeso real

@Starfruit613 9 ай бұрын

I’m diagnosed with social anxiety and avoidant personality disorder, but I’ve suspected I’m autistic for quite a few years. This video makes me even more convinced. Makes me want to cry. I’m 40 years old, and no one noticed.

@emmaphilo4049 9 ай бұрын

I think I am avoidant + social anxiety. I am also wondering if I am on the spectrum Hope you can get a diagnosis🙏

@mir127 9 ай бұрын

Same. Where do you make the difference?

@caitlinriermaier1355 8 ай бұрын

I'm 36, I'm going through the same/similar, diag social anxiety, I see a therapist n psych, I know how u feel and ditto, No one noticed? I feel like crying for the little girl, teenager, young woman, who was just doing the best she could, at least I'm becoming the best me now. But it makes me pray future generations won't have to suffer undiagnosed for as long as we did

@charlottegeorge7997 8 ай бұрын

Hi I'm 40 and been through the whole depression, PTSD, anxiety, bipolar, crash and burn then manic and of course my favourite suicidal watch and of course I am definitely on the spectrum because I have a confirmed dyslexia diagnosis. Then earlier this year when I saw yet another counsellor who spotted multiple traits and now I'm on a two year waiting list for a professional diagnostic consultation. Since learning about these traits and how you're more likely to have it in family groups, I'm seeing things in my dad and brother that are both more than likely on the spectrum too, and I have no idea how my dad has not been spotted in his 70 yrs on the spectrum

@RideTheSkies 8 ай бұрын

I've had social anxiety my whole life and I mentioned the possibility of having ASD and he laughed it off. He's an older psychiatrist who has been doing it for years apparently but he seems to have a really old mindset that comes along with it. He dismissed it as all people with ASD just lollygag without a care in the world which from my what I've heard of people sharing their experiences isn't true at all. 🤦‍♂I didn't press it on him because you know he's the expert... edit: just watched the video. everyone of those ASD symptoms I suffer from. I wish I was exaggerating

@RisaPlays Жыл бұрын

"persistant drive for autonomy" sounds SO much nicer.... I've been thinking for years that I just had a quiet version of oppositional defiant disorder, then I recently learned about demand avoidance and was like omg that's it. Really, though, my entire issue with feeling pressured and demanded is the constant feeling that I was not allowed to have enough autonomy growing up. I hate obligational hugs because most of them are without my consent. I hate being told what to do because that becomes an expectation that I have no choice over because there will be a negative consequence whether I do the demand or not. The really frustrating thing is that because I've struggled so much with this with family growing up, I also tend to reject demands that I try to place on myself. Like my own preferences and choices feel like things trying to take away my autonomy sometimes and it's confusing and it sucks.

@neomawzz Жыл бұрын

“Negative consequence wether i do the demand or not”. Jesus. Did you read my mind?

@fakeweeb8655 Жыл бұрын

i remember reading the short story 'the imp of the perverse', was either r.l. stevenson or poe, but i just thought that was a perfect way to describe whatever little gremlin in my head made me this way, lmfao

@tiramisunsun 9 ай бұрын

You just put into words my own experience. I can relate so much to this.

@Rachel-k8 8 ай бұрын

Oooh. This hit right here. I was forced so often by my parents to socialize when I was petrified of it as a child- often bullied or ostracized as a result of getting forced into a space that wasn’t right for me. Now I avoid these kinds of things as much as I can- small talk, eye contact, social expectations- especially physical ones, even existing in spaces with other people any longer than it’s required to complete a task and leave. It’s taken a while to realize that my parents (adopted) did not want to accept that I was different than them in this way, and now I find myself avoiding doing things I could even end up enjoying because of the social demands that leave me burnt out and irritated.

@joycebrewer4150 2 ай бұрын

@@Rachel-k8I was told in kindergarten, it would be a good idea to make friends with the only other girl who was bullied severely. My clueless mom thought we could be each other's back guard. Seriously bad idea! It just made me even less popular than I already was. I was the first to fold, and backstab her with my words. She had nervous habits that made her an even more obvious "odd duck of a child" than I was.

@hel117 9 ай бұрын

Re: keeping friends. I also feel like the 'requirements' for keeping neurotypical friends are just a bit off from how friendships work for me. I think I don't have the same sort of 'friendship decay', because I can go without talking to people for years for various reasons and in my head, we're still best friends, and for people I'm very close to (who are usually also very neuro-spicy) that is true.

@jen2530 9 ай бұрын

You describing yourself as running around the playground in circles making up stories in your head was me - until my brother told me to stop as it was ‘weird’. At that moment I masked anything that was different. So reassuring to hear others with a similar experience 😊

@Eob306 7 ай бұрын

I did the exact same thing. Never came across any other autistic person who does this

@luksiko408 7 ай бұрын

i used to do that as well but i also ended up being the brother that told my brother (who also did that) he should stop 'because its weird'. i feel really bad

@yay29823 5 ай бұрын

@@ExistenceUniversity It has been said before. Sometimes you need to do a little bit of masking so that you can navigate life. But it's not healthy doing it all the time just because it's what the world considers to be "adult". It's exhausting. You can be an adult and still be yourself.

@ExistenceUniversity 5 ай бұрын

@@yay29823 Turns out I was out to lunch. Turns out I am not normal. Just learned I am probably autistic and what I thought was "normal" turnds out to be that I am a supermasker...

@peterwallis4288 4 ай бұрын

@@luksiko408, don't feel bad. You were just trying to save him from being bullied.

@Bree-ree Жыл бұрын

I’ve noticed all my closest friends have always had some type of mental illness/disorder or troubles at home etc and I think we are drawn to them because we can relate and our brain likes familiarity so we feel safer with people like us :)

@cda6590 Жыл бұрын

I am a 32 year-old white male who wasn't diagnosed with ASD until I personally crawled into the DSM-V myself last year and went to a professional who "knew the signs" and said it was "incredibly obvious" that I was on the spectrum. When I grew up, "autistic" was a slur on the internet meaning "irredeemibly bad at socializing. May as well just give up on trying" kind of thing. Turns out the experts know very little about the "disorder" and there is very little evidence that it isn't as prevelent amongst women as men. I, like you, got most of my info from self-taught YT videos, but holy shit it's crazy how unaware we can be of ourselves for so long. It's like I've found an instruction manual tucked away in a drawer I never knew existed. Good luck on your content. Just treat it like a journal or whatever, because the market is a bit saturated at the moment.

@imautisticnowwhat Жыл бұрын

Thank you so much, Chris! 'It's like I've found an instruction manual tucked away in a drawer I never knew existed.' That sums it up perfectly.

@cda6590 Жыл бұрын

@@imautisticnowwhat Yeah just knowing your ballpark age, your gender, and your ASD diagnosis there is probably a reasonable amount I can guess about your life and personality. As part of my own efforts to learn more about autism, I have gone out of my way both online and in-person to meet others on the spectrum and I've yet to meet a girl who doesn't "have a story." On a brighter note, what are your special interests? Are you planning to segue your diagnosis into some sort of career or profession?

@imautisticnowwhat Жыл бұрын

@@cda6590 Yeah - I don't think it's easy for any of us! But I was lucky to have parents who accepted me for who I was. I also had quite a few teachers who accommodated me without a diagnosis. They just did it instinctively because they saw I needed help. My special interests are mostly creative - writing and filmmaking are the two longest-standing. Psychology too (and now autism, naturally!). I have considered becoming a psychologist and perhaps using it to help other autistic people. What about you? What are your special interests? I'm guessing autism might be one for you too?

@cda6590 Жыл бұрын

@@imautisticnowwhat I have a couple of years worth of completed undergrad credits, so my plan is to go back to Uni for a BA/BS in psychology and then graduate school, where I will hopefully be able to specialize in trauma-based therapies catered specifically to autistic individuals. For so many of us, we occupy a portion of the spectrum which is only 'disabling' insofar as external pressures squeeze us into unnatural positions in life, oftentimes breeding comorbidities such as PTSD and BPD. I want to help popularize alternative therapies for autistic people. If the rates of trauma in autistic people are anything to go by, calling ABA 'best practice' is laughable at best and dangerous at worst.

@imautisticnowwhat Жыл бұрын

@@cda6590That sounds amazing. I'd love to have an autistic therapist! I hope you have a positive experience at uni if (when!) you do go back. Keep me updated! Have you struggled with higher education in the past? I'm currently on my third attempt, haha! Distance learning has helped a lot.

@sbates59 7 ай бұрын

The walking around in circles around the playground. That is exactly me. I did this growing up and teachers always told me to go play. Kids always asked me why I was sad. I was content and I made up stories in my own head too. I was so drained from the school day, I just couldn’t interact anymore.

@rachaelb9164 Жыл бұрын

I remember my preschool teacher was so surprised when she saw me talking with my parents. She thought for years that I couldn’t talk. Funny that I don’t remember being that quiet but I was always taking in everything around me. I ate lunch alone for the first half of 7th grade because I didn’t really fit in with other kids my age. The kids that finally did reach out to me were socially awkward as well. They are most likely neurodivergent as well. I’ve noticed that since I’m no longer in school it’s harder to make new friends. I have coworkers but I’m hesitant about hanging out with people I work with. I feel like I expect people to come to me and maintaining friendships is difficult. My job is very social so on my days off and just want to be home in quiet.

@phillythepenguin1297 10 ай бұрын

Do you want to be online friends?

@circusbysilk 7 ай бұрын

Ohww I see what you mean. I'm also neurdivergint and my job is very social as well. I work with kids as a circus teacher and volunteer for ppl with mental illnesses as well. Well, when I'm free I just wanne be alone in my home and hopefully a bit tidyd up home lol. But yeas I rly feel my alone time is especially important now. Thanks for leaving your comment, it made me more able to accept myself ❤️😁🤗

@circusbysilk 7 ай бұрын

And feeling sorry for you, I can imagine its hard to make new friends.

@infinitecurlie 4 ай бұрын

Whoaaa. That's me lol. 😅

@tulip811 4 ай бұрын

I went to a school psychologist because of social anxiety at age 16. I had to call my sister to pick me up, because it was after school. I did it in her room. Because I was able to talk to my SISTER "normally" I "didn't have social anxiety". 😂 Now I know why I am that way lol

@Soooooooooooonicable 9 ай бұрын

It's impossible for me to be comfortable at parties. Especially around people I don't know. I'm constantly monitoring myself during every moment of every interaction. It leaves me with no mental faculties remaining to ask people questions or inquire about their lives, which creates long awkward moments of silence where they're expecting me to help move the conversation along. Just a single interaction is enough to consume all my mental energy and send my anxiety levels through the roof.

@carlpanzram7081 9 ай бұрын

Try to direct your focus on the person in front of you. Think about what they are saying, their facial expression etc. This helped me a lot. I usually have no clue what people want from me, but I can function socially because I try to focus on things around me rather than focusing on myself. It's easier said than done, but it's absolutely possible. You will nm forever be different, that's just something you will have to come to terms with. Like, the conversations people have with me are different Than the conversations they have with other people, but I much prefer that to the alternative, which is being entirely alone.

@Jeremy-hx7zj 4 ай бұрын

@@carlpanzram7081I'm genuinely not interested in what the other person is saying 99% of the time. I'm not trying to be an edgy sigma bro here. I hate this about myself, but I just don't have any curiosity about other people. Unless they're involved in one of my special interests

@willowtabby4926 Жыл бұрын

Trait number 3 totally jumped out at me. Most of my favourite friendships growing up, especially in my teen years, were with the oddities, the rejects, the weirdos... I even commented on it myself a few times by saying things like "it seems I'm a reject/outcast magnet" 😂 Oh no, number 4... *pain, sadness, **_LITERAL FEAR of getting close to people, because they all end up "going away" in the end, and why do I want those inevitable wounds?_* Frick, who's cutting onions?

@tracybartels7535 9 ай бұрын

Yes, I started out when young in a whole group of neighbors, then moved and was on the outskirts even of the "gifted" class we were the weird ones, then moved again and outskirts of middle school, then no friends, then I hung out with a fantastic group of the foreign kids in high school, but they were more advanced socially so I was soon out of that group, then a group of outcasts that was fantastic but graduated, then a year of nobody (it was fine, there was a library), then a friend I love and miss who like me was obsessed by writing poetry in foreign languages, she was amazing, then college and mine was all weird people and I was on the edges there as well, one great year but many graduated years ahead of me so that fell apart, and since then almost nobody for the ensuing decades, but approached friendships with a couple engineers and nerds, but there aren't enough nerds and I still am not great at showing people I want to be friends and knowing how to do it, because in the 4 decades since I was 12, I haven't had a long-term friendship* so how do I know how people do them? *I do but few and long-distance, which isn't quite the same and there are many years and months with no contact, which I think is unusual.

@infinitecurlie 4 ай бұрын

Oh gosh that's me too lol. I've always been a reject, hanging out with "those" people lololol.

@veronicabramlett2005 Жыл бұрын

"I concentrate better when I'm not concentrating on looking at somebody" really spoke with me. I get so focused on looking at them that I don't actually hear what they're saying and my brain gets too loud to hear anything else. I have to be doing something else. Though if I don't know I should be listening, I can't hear anything. Which my husband REALLY doesn't get. If I know I should be listening I can, and probably need to, be doing something else. If I don't know and I'm doing something else, I will 100% not even realize you were talking to me. I can actively listen while doing something. I can't be doing something and then be expected to listen to something I don't know I should be listening to!

@celesteextenebris4822 Жыл бұрын

The psychologist who was supposed to give me an autism diagnosis said that I can't be autistic after 3 sessions because I want to have friends and because I mask, which is, in her words, "not something that autistic people know how to do", so I got the whole alphabet soup from her instead :(

@gigachad5201 9 ай бұрын

I got told I’m not autistic because I don’t like engineering or dinosaurs

@SixHexSix 9 ай бұрын

You seem bummed. Fascinating.

@theanticrystal 8 ай бұрын

@@SixHexSix When you go to a professional for tools and you realize that professional knows less about what you are asking for help with, yeah -- that is disappointing. It is a bummer. And that's what interactions with so many allistic people are like throughout your life. It seems to be a fundamental human need to be seen and somewhat understood and autistics are often misunderstood.

@SixHexSix 8 ай бұрын

@@theanticrystal So the professional is wrong, based on what a person learned on KZfaq? Wouldn't this being true invalidate or bring into question every diagnosis? And you are right, the professional probably saw what was going on for what it was, someone needing attention and hoping to get it through a diagnosis. Hence, the disappointment when finding out they aren't autistic. It is now desirable to be autistic?

@theanticrystal 8 ай бұрын

@@SixHexSix You and I do not know if the person learned about autism through KZfaq only that they are talking about it. Additionally, it is statistically significant that women with autism are often misdiagnosed because the criteria for diagnosis was done using studies of boys and men. Whether it is 'cool' or not is personal opinion but I doubt people speak help just to be cool. You go to therapists for help and autism is a condition that can cause a lot of suffering.

@leliza8477 10 ай бұрын

I’ve recently come to realise that two of my favourite friends are AuDHD males who have the personality I’ve had to mask since my teens because of constant social rejection. They’re energetic, bubbly and highly animated and I love being around them, but it also fills me with resentment that those traits have been celebrated in the bodies of boys (they’re both popular and have no social anxiety issues), but were hated in the body of a girl. I want to return to my old self but it’s been so indoctrinated into me to think I’d just be annoying and “too much” if I do.

@summero-my5in 7 ай бұрын

If it helps at all, I am a woman who is described as those things: energetic, bubble, animated. And I am popular socially. I think those traits are appreciated in women and men. But I know it can be hard when you were mistreated as a child. I’ve also felt very insecure because of being called annoying so much in childhood. But I believe you can be yourself now and make great friendships.

@toni5543 Жыл бұрын

'I feel like prey in a world full of predators' THIS THIS THIS

@turtleanton6539 Ай бұрын

Indeed🎉🎉🎉🎉😮

@deannascorner8112 8 ай бұрын

I never thought of having autism or anything until it was brought to our attention for our son. I always had an incorrect idea of what autism was in my head. Seeing my son’s interactions and feelings has me questioning my own. He’s 11 and even said to me the other day “mom I feel different than everyone. I wonder if I have autism.” That kind of blew me away that he was so articulate and understanding about it.

@wintergray1221 6 ай бұрын

Throughout all of elementary school, when teachers put comments on our report cards, every time I got "shy, quiet, keeps to herself". But no, I couldn't possibly be autistic. I was just "gifted."

@milliem8051 2 ай бұрын

Classmates said I was very shy, quiet, weird 😞 I had awful self esteem too and not enough support and guidance growing up

@wintergray1221 2 ай бұрын

@@milliem8051 Virtual hug 🫂

@SofieArts 2 ай бұрын

"Shy, quiet, keeps to herself" are just personality traits anyone can have, not necessarily autism

@wintergray1221 2 ай бұрын

@@SofieArts Yes, but I'll elaborate. Those traits weren't by choice; I could not socialize period. I studied my classmates sometimes like Steve Irwin, trying and failing to understand their behavior and thought process. My elementary school was small. I didn't have a single friend until middle school when I met some other cool weirdos from a different town. But none of my teachers thought to contact my mom or refer me for any sort of testing, not even ADHD when there were multiple instances of my hyper-focus disrupting a lesson. My first grade teacher berated me for flapping my hands when I got excited, and my fifth grade teacher punished me for not making eye contact. The only special test I was given was an IQ test in eighth grade. There were always signs; I just didn't know them. And I can't help but wonder if I wouldn't have fallen through the cracks if I had been AMAB and obsessed with trains.

@determineddaaf3 10 ай бұрын

I have this memory in elementary school where a teacher just suddenly yelled at me because I had my sleeves pulled over my hands. It probably made me feel more secure, I also refused to wear short sleeved shirts and shorts when I was very young. So it was probably just a comfort thing. I don't know why he had a problem with it, but anyway I got confused and kind of froze. Luckily my friend saved me and pulled up my sleeves for me.

@j.b.5422 Жыл бұрын

11:10 could the "prefer friendship with boys", be because if there's an obvious gender difference, then the other differences become less obvious? I mean, a weird girl among normal boys certainly would be perceived differently than a weird girl among normal girls. Though I don't know how much this theory matters in the end.

@imautisticnowwhat Жыл бұрын

Reading this comment gave me chills, so I think you might be onto something there!!! I've also often found myself gravitating towards people from different cultures, which could be for similar reasons.

@caddieohm7059 Жыл бұрын

This is it exactly for me. I don't understand female socializing and I never did. I had a very 'masculine' queer female best friend all throughout my school years and all my other contacts were male. I feel as I don't get how women bond I feel drawn towards men. It was more easy to hang out with them because of a natural 'social gap' between male and female so everything wasn't natural in the first place anyways. I'm quite attractive so there were always males. Still I never really felt home with them. Also I didn't have to understand male bonding either as it's always in between with them and I. Now as everybody is married aso I'm quite lonely. Very lonely actually. I don't know if I make sense. I'm a non native speaker of English and that's a complicated matter.

@treeleaf7808 Жыл бұрын

@@caddieohm7059 I can relate to a lot of your comment.

@garethbaus5471 Жыл бұрын

I hadn't really thought about it like that before, but that actually might be a significant part of why I have more female friends than male friends.

@jkRatbird Жыл бұрын

Paul from Autism From The Inside is talking about this exact thing for a whole video! He calls it the "foreigner strategy"!

@TomBedlammusic 8 ай бұрын

never thought of the "socialising with people outside of your age group" as a sign before. Ive always felt so much more comfortable around older people. I even took up golf so I could be around older people when I was a teen (still do it) did not realise that was yet another sign. Related very heavily to basically everyone of these. Also my gf always jokes of how incredibly naive I am haha she also pointed out to me the other day that I smile directly at literally every person I see.... think I need to look into this....

@dr.bandito60 Жыл бұрын

I don’t think I have ASD but I do have ADHD. But I think theres a lot of ASD in my family. Trying to convince my siblings to look into it for themselves. I appreciate you sharing your experiences. I am very comfortable around neurodivergent people. As an adult, all my favorite people have been autistic. I think I am just very used to explaining the rules of the social world to my sisters as a main topic of conversation... It’s wild how well we segregate ourselves naturally.

@khalithostwilight8692 6 ай бұрын

I am pretty sure I'm autistic but... society treats autistic folks so badly that I hesitate to get a diagnosis: Especially with what is going on in Australia rn with the driving licences. I am not allowed to drive as I have irregular seizures but it makes me wonder "huh - what other rights might they take away from me if I have that official label?" and I hate that. I am lucky that my partner and I can afford me not working but if we couldn't it'd be so hard. I also have a friend who wishes to move to my country and if you have an autistic diagnosis you can't move here. It's awful. So I stick with self-Diagnosis and your channel has been great to find coping mechanisms without government assistance. Thank you.

@ArtDimension01 Жыл бұрын

I just wanted to stop and say how much I am grateful for this video . I am 13 years old , and I’m doing a lot of research on autism because I really think that I might be autistic . I love how clear and friendly your videos are , and the fact that you really said that it’s normal and okay not to relate to everything , because I have like this enormous imposter syndrom😅 you basically described my whole life in 22 minutes …. Right now I’m going trough a really difficult period that made me really “lose control ” over my life and this really helps me to clear my thoughts on my “ symptoms “ 🥰

@baileyjones7570 9 ай бұрын

Going through the same process; it's frustrating, isn't it? It's like you really want to be actually autistic, because if you're not, then what the hell are you? Not neurotypical, that's for sure...

@jjtpg 9 ай бұрын

@@baileyjones7570 I relate to this so much. I have been going back and forth between so many different things trying to figure out what is wrong with me and I just need to find the answer because I have to know what my problem is. There needs to be something that describes the way I behave and think the way I do.

@baileyjones7570 9 ай бұрын

@@jjtpg Yeah, and I'm scared of going to get assessed because what if I'm actually making it all up? That would devastate me, if it just wasn't true.

@yyujita 9 ай бұрын

@@baileyjones7570I'm 13 and my own step dad said "I'm probably not autistic", but I've only known him for a few months so I have no idea if I was just masking in front of him. I don't want to "force myself to have it" if I don't, but I really think I am autistic. you'll never know until you get it checked out. even then, professionals misdiagnose a lot. even if they say you aren't autistic, it's more likely that you are than aren't if you're genuinely thinking you are. that's what I think

@baileyjones7570 9 ай бұрын

@@yyujita Yeah, and the last thing I want to do is disrespect actually autistic people by saying I'm one of them, if I'm actually not. The main thing that makes me doubt myself is that I don't have sensory issues beyond a dislike for perfume and cologne---but not all autistic people do, I have to remind myself. I've heard of people who identify as "slightly autistic," which makes sense but is still a little strange. Where do you draw the line when you're looking at autistics vs allistics? There's got to be some gray area, right? But again, how can i not be autistic if I relate more deeply to this group of people than I ever have in my whole life related to anyone?

@lol_why_am_i_here 9 ай бұрын

I feel like the reason it seems like men are more straight forward is because they can kind of get away with saying it like it is but for women, I feel like we’ve been told our whole lives that we need to be respectful and polite and so I feel like a lot of us end up sugarcoating everything we say and it’s really confusing.

@_lil_lil Ай бұрын

What sucks is my mom is super blunt but I am anxiety city and can't even tell people what I really think because I don't want to upset them even though I hate that.

@atligunnar7101 Ай бұрын

So much bullshit. Why not accept it that men are much more likley to have Aspergers. Why is that so hard..

@megb7715 Жыл бұрын

The bit about feeling more aligned to male peers rather than female peers is part of why I've thought about being evaluated. Despite being cishet, a friend of mine once described me as queer-coded because he might have thought I was lesbian or bisexual like him. I was also obsessed with Hot Wheels as a kid.

@Hanna-se3vr 10 ай бұрын

Gotta love gender stereotypes. Just cause a woman like masculine things doesn’t mean you are lesbian or need to get your boobs chopped off and put on testosterone. You are just a woman who happens to enjoy “masculine” hobbies .

@neonice 9 ай бұрын

I'm also a girl and grew up loving Pokémon, Power Rangers and Ninjago. Am still a massive fan of Lego. A lot of girls actually like that stuff and there's nothing wrong with it. It's unfortunate that some girls grow up with the notion that it's not normal/okay to like "boy" stuff.

@zacrintoul 7 ай бұрын

I always felt it was the opposite for me. I'm male and I thought I had a lot more female traits. I remember feeling like that because other boys always seemed to be in hectic, boisterous, social play situations. I always felt like as a kids girls were quieter and less involved in socially aggressive situations, more calm and observational. I wonder if it goes both ways because since we are autistic we feel outcasts in whatever group society puts us in, and seek missing similarities in other groups. Whether that is opposite gender, older individuals, or pets. Hmmm. I don't know. Makes sense to me I guess.

@wintergray1221 6 ай бұрын

I was the same, though I identify as non-binary now.@@neonice

@infinitecurlie 4 ай бұрын

Omgggggg. I've always gotten along with guys wayyyy better than women, although I think I'm nonbinary, even as a kid I was more interested in games, Gothic clothing, "male clothes," hot wheels, and etc. I never would have thought that could be a sign lolol.

@gkellers 9 ай бұрын

I learned I had autism and ADHD about one year ago when my young adult and teenage kids were diagnosed. It's been an amazing journey.

@1800MDGAF 10 ай бұрын

I literally walked up to another new girl in high school and asked her if she wanted to be friends because I had no idea how to approach friendships.

@carlpanzram7081 9 ай бұрын

Boss move honestly.

@laylahassomethingtosay 9 ай бұрын

In fourth grade I asked someone to be my friend by getting down on one knee as if I was proposing and offering them a happy meal toy.

@Fabala827 Жыл бұрын

13:35 HARD agree that children are a sensory nightmare lmao. BUT similar to the point about friendships with men/boys sometimes feeling more straight forward, I feel like this is a reason I really love kids as well. They tend to say what they’re thinking, they don’t usually lie about emotions (at least not convincingly lol), you can tell if they like you or not. Gotta love that.

@lizstokes9091 Жыл бұрын

I am one of those in the lost generations. "Labels" weren't a thing when I was a kid in small town nowhere, aside from the extreme cases of mental or physical disabilities. I'm gen x and I can list off tons of boomers and gen x that DEFINITELY went undiagnosed! Previous to the late 90's, everyone just said, "wow, that one's weird" and just kept their distance. I've been hiding for so many decades that I forget it's ok to admit it these days. I recently got myself into an uncomfortable situation because my friendliness was confused for flirting. He couldn't comprehend that: I'm single because nobody has the patience for my quirks; I like being alone 90% of my time; I don't want to go out for supper....or out for any reason not involving grocery or hardware stores; or that I didn't want to sleep over at a strangers house. He said I was just making excuses. I finally just went with full disclosure and said, I can't give you what you need, I have Aspergers. He disappeared LOL. I've realized that it goes both ways for me. I can't tell when someone is flirting with me unless they're overly direct about it. When I think they're flirting, they're just being friendly. When I think they're just being friendly, they're flirting (I figure it out down the road when they stop being friendly). I can't read between the lines, but I can tell when someone's behaviour and/or attitude changes. Thanks for sharing your perspective, I enjoy learning from younger peeps on the spectrum. I'm too many decades deep into masking that I can't seem to stop it. I'm actually quite disturbed by how quickly the mask goes on when I'm forced to speak to people in public. Even with knowing I do it and don't want to. Sorry for ramble, keep up the great work!!

@AutisticAwakeActivist 9 ай бұрын

Yes I’m gen x missed til 51 still waiting on the adhd diagnosis list

@emmaphilo4049 9 ай бұрын

Thanks for sharing, very interesting to hear your experience as gen X

@BrickNewton 3 ай бұрын

I was at high school and university during the 90's and also had issues with the whole flirting/friendship issue (undiagnosed yet, b 15:35 ut going to get one). First part was I was smaller/skinnier than most of the guys around me so there was some self esteem issues so always thought why me and not so and so, but the confusing flirting/friendship really hits home. I mistook friendship stuff for flirting a few times and then just gave up trying to work it out and just had lots of female friends. Found out later that there were a couple of girls at high school that were interested in me and I just completely missed the signs. Yes I have had girl friends and relationships over the years but that was because that made it obviously known that they liked me. Thanks for reading if you got to here.

@UpsideDown853 9 ай бұрын

Animals are a more rudimentary version of myself. I just feel like I am them. A creature that learns through synaptic connections and tries their best to stay alive. Also, their emotions aren’t as taxing. Food? Good. Water? Good Walks/Lighting/Play? Good. A little bit of love? Done, you have bonded and all is good, haha.

@Kakashiownsyou 3 ай бұрын

I one million percent agree that women are evaluated much more consistently and harshly by their peers/the public/society, and you’re absolutely right that a lot of times with guys it’s just “leave him alone and let him cook”. But speaking as a 32-yo who was just diagnosed a year ago, I would say men are left pathologically alone, whereas women are pathologically monitored.

@kalt1976 Жыл бұрын

I'm the excat same way with eye contact- I truly thought that I had no issues with eye contact and then realised that my eyes are all over they place most of the time and that I only make intermittent eye contact. And my eye contact is also the aboslut worst with my mom (whom I love dearly and have a very close relationship with).

@joegibbskins 9 ай бұрын

I’m a very anxious person and as a result self-diagnosed myself with autism based on a google search in my early 20s. I couldn’t make eye contact, social cues seemed to elude me, etc. I ended up seeing a doctor, and it turned out I was not autistic. I was not anywhere near autistic. I was actually hypersensitive. I’m a lot better now although certain things are still hard for me and the physiological responses have never really gone away. In any case, I think more people should see medical professionals if they can

@JenIsHungry 7 ай бұрын

Ehh I'd recommend getting a second opinion. "Hypersensitive" seems like a really shakey diagnosis

@himbo754 Жыл бұрын

T-Rex arms -- never heard that expression, but I know exactly what it means -- I do it, and I wondered about it, but I never knew how to search for information about it. Lots of thanks for saying that term.. I first noticed T-Rex arms -- both myself and another neurodivergent person -- back in the 1970s! Fifty years later I have FINALLY learnt what it is called!!! Yay. Somewhere, on the other side of the world (Australia), an autistic person is getting excited because they finally learnt the answer to this riddle -- why do I walk with my arms in a strange position? Being Australian, I did wonder if it was called "kangaroo paws", but searching for "kangaroo paws autism" just took me to gardening websites (kangaroo paws are a type of bush)

@AlexShiro Жыл бұрын

Haha my partner does the T. rex arms!!! We both have humour with it though

@carlpanzram7081 9 ай бұрын

Now I know why I do that. I sometimes catch myself walking around with my arms held like that. It looks off, I try to suppress it.

@_de_nice 10 ай бұрын

I really wanna be tested for asd because almost every personal example you gave is something I’ve experienced, particularly the difficulty to look at people when I’m focused on what they’re talking about

@Mephisarisa Жыл бұрын

Not diagnosed yet, 36y old, afab queerdo. I was probably 7 years old when my teacher pointed out to me that I hardly ever made eye contact. So I practiced. I'm still practicing some days. Like so many other uncomfortable or painful things about masking, I got used to it. I learned to hide my various discomforts/pain, at a great cost to my mental health and stamina. I like the fluttery eye contact that you demonstrated in the video. It feels more natural and focused to me. Come to think of it, some of my family members do eye contact like that. Hmmm I wonder why...

@emmaC333 3 ай бұрын

My 4yo daughter was diagnosed with autism recently and which is why your channel was suggested to me since I’ve been wanting to learn more. I have always been socially awkward /anxious and I have diagnosed ADHD. I have never considered the possibility of being autistic myself before this video. I can relate to every single point you’ve made. Not sure what I’m supposed to do with this

@marisabia63 Жыл бұрын

The eye contact is still an issue for me. I thought you weren’t supposed to stare cuz they’ll think your a creep ,I learned you’re suppose to look away every 5 seconds, which I sometimes count in my head😢not so much with family

@alexandralignell5424 9 ай бұрын

Apparently eye contact doesn’t mean looking into someone’s eyes, it means looking at their face in general. I’ve gotten by by looking at peoples mouths instead so I can read lips too which makes me hear better for some reason and no one except my AuDHD best friend has ever pointed it out, and that was because they thought I was actually making eye contact with them. So yeah, just a tip if you’re struggling. Most people won’t notice if you look somewhere on their face other than straight into their eyes.

@marisabia63 9 ай бұрын

@@alexandralignell5424 Thank you, I too have problems hearing if I can’t see their lips, definitely going to try this.

@lunariannoises4806 Жыл бұрын

When I was in my late teens my mom told me that the doctor who diagnosed my brother with autism thought I probably had it too. She's changed her story since a number of times. I'm pretty sure I am autistic. I am 28.

@UpsideDown853 9 ай бұрын

Just sending support from undiagnosed fellow 28-year old ❤ Enjoy the comment, because soon I will be 29.

@lunariannoises4806 9 ай бұрын

@@UpsideDown853 thank you. And I have actually turned 29 since writing this comment lol. Happy early birthday fellow brain weird adult.

@UpsideDown853 9 ай бұрын

@@lunariannoises4806 haha, perfect 😂

@ampeyro Жыл бұрын

This "thelepathy" thing is what also happens to me. For a long time I've felt like there was some other channel of communication I just couldn't receive or emmit. Later I sort of learned to despise it, which makes it worse...

@GilesArt 3 ай бұрын

Eye contact is overrated. One listens with their ears, not their eyes.

@xriss1335 Жыл бұрын

I haven't been diagnosed but im in therapy to help with talking to people since I get into trouble at work for not talking 🙃 Anyone else? I found this song by Dodie called "Don't quite belong" and I feel like it's a good explanation of how I feel and I thought I'd share it since I love her so much

@caaarnivorium 8 ай бұрын

I'm almost in tears here. Every point described my life exactly! It's almost kind of relieving to know what could be possibly going on in my brain and that I'm not just broken. How does one even go about being diagnosed?

@j.b.4340 3 ай бұрын

I recall being jealous of my kid’s ability to walk up to another child, and just start playing, like they were old friends, even though they’d never met before. I could never do that, and spent many recess periods alone, with kids that I knew.

@VIP-ry6vv 3 ай бұрын

I think it's more socially acceptable for boys to be boys, and boys are more readily allowed to be loners, have emotional outbursts, and being extremely focused projects as discipline in men, which is a positive trait. Where as there is more social pressure on women to carry the day to day social weight, so they learn to mask heavier and earlier than their male counterparts. I don't think either gender has more or less difficulty, there are particularities on both sides. Although it is terrible that it took so long to get past the "women can't be autistic" dogma, that's hard.

@momoonkissed Жыл бұрын

Idk if it's a cultural difference but most of the girls I know are so straightforward and I prefer them over boys, even if I'm more "masculine" interacting with males is more complicated for me!

@vanillablossom 3 ай бұрын

I also prefer girls over boys, I wonder if I just happened to meet ND girls or what. I had no friends until adulthood (but was top student and teachers' pet, and preferred to hang out with adults, if one can call spending breaks in the library as hanging out with the adults), landed in rather female dominated field, and the not many guys I met were kinda weird? Idk how to explain it, I don't think I'm flirty and don't notice it if I am (still, doubt that), but I also cannot recognize whether someone is interested in me. I had some bad experiences with men, though (not as bad as SA, but uncomfortable enough), and I tend to avoid them. I'm aroace and a woman / girl never made me uncomfortable, men did. Men are more prone to make innuendos or be direct about sex, just talk about sex more openly than women. I remember a guy where I was doing my internship asked me once "do you wanna kiss?", but he used other word for kissing, vulgar one. I was so taken aback by both the question itself and the wording I just looked at him and he apologized. Sorry for the long, late rant, but so many say they prefer interacting with guys and this is the first comment I see talking about preferring girls. Oh, and at school I was bullied more by boys than girls, that may also cause my preference. Or maybe boys were more direct about it and girls more subtle and I didn't notice their bullying, idk. Either way I didn't have my age friends at school and I like to think I was friends with some of the teachers (I was at the top of the class, always prepared, alsways being able to answer questions when no one else could), but I guess if they liked me, then for being quiet, knowledgeable kid, causing them no troubles while teaching class and being safe bet for questions, not really for myself. If they'd care more, they probably would notice the bullying / do something about it, sometimes I even told them directly. Idk.

@zevrxn 9 ай бұрын

one of my biggest struggles is trusting people because i know that if someone lies to me i won't notice. trusting someone entails believing they won't lie to me even when they know they would get away with it.

@summero-my5in 7 ай бұрын

Literally I am so gullible

@zevrxn 7 ай бұрын

@@summero-my5in same, and that was a very hard realization for me tbh

@ChaoticAnswers Жыл бұрын

I never had a circle of friends, my friends were individuals from circles.

@aubreejobizzarro1208 Жыл бұрын

Completely unrelated but I love that you talk with your hands! I talk with my hands a lot too and some people have made fun of me for it, but I feel so engaged with how you talk because *HANDS*. The only other people I’ve found talk with their hands is ND folks and SL folks(not necessarily just hearing impaired, but a previous coworker was a certified ASL translator and she always talks with her hands).

@wikiak_ Жыл бұрын

That's interesting, in my country most of people talk with their hands... and the two ND people I know don't x)

@BrittleSun Жыл бұрын

The cost is a massive barrier to getting a correct mental health/ neurodevelopmental diagnosis.

@aikoaikoaikoaikoaikoaiko 5 ай бұрын

i’ve been diagnosed with social anxiety, but i can relate a lot to the autism things there are 5 people (including me) in my friend group, and were kinda a gang of misfits… my best friend is autistic too we’re all fans of the warrior cats series and we’re not really popular. heck, during attendance when the teacher says my name some kids say “who’s that??”. most of us are girls (except me), but we dont really do “girly” stuff, we barely talk about gender snd stuff like that, we’re just a gang of dudes who hang out and talk about our weird interests… about the keeping friendships thing… i have trust issues and after the smallest mistake they made i always think “THEY BETRAYED ME! EVERYONES A TRAITOR! RAHHHHHHHHH” or sometimes i fear im being too clingy…… i dont really know what to do to keep the friendships do i just invite them over or sit at lunch with them or wha…? and i always feel uncomfortable in silence especially alone with only one person because i feel like i have to say something to break the awkwardness but i suck at starting conversations so i think about what the other members usually do so i do the same thing then i analyze if “are they enjoying it or do they think im annoying?? do they wanna be left alone?? what if im being a d*ck??? AAAHHHH” about being naive i used to let my friend harm me (physically) even though i didnt like it………… i was thinkinf “wellll this is probably normal and im probably just dramaticcc” when i asked my parents to help they told me i needed to drop the friendship but i was too scared to because i cared about that person… now rhat person stopped doing that stuff so its ok (: eye contact is my worst enemy and when my teachers force me to do it i scream internally sorry for typing like 5 paragraphs lol

@marilan3455 Жыл бұрын

Really great video! I don’t see anything wrong with looking around when you film. Many vloggers do this as they talk. I think it’s just being casual and natural. Hey, I am unofficially Autistic so what do I know?!😂Keep up the good work!

@imautisticnowwhat Жыл бұрын

Aww, thank you so much, Mari!

@sacrilegiousboi978 6 ай бұрын

Looking back all the friends I had at school were quirky/different to some degree eg. still played Pokémon as a teen, would infodump about Warhammer, were very hyperactive or emotionally intense, quoted TV shows/movie characters regularly in casual conversation. I remember them also being more genuine than most people Never the main popular cool kids group who I remember thinking seemed like homogenous NPC’s Interestingly, when I attended creative arts/music courses, I noticed I was no longer an outsider and was actually suddenly hitting it off with so many people there. Looking back, most of them were probably neurodivergent because they are attracted to the arts/music world

@wickedwitch3520 Жыл бұрын

I was interested in what you would list as signs and clicked on your video. This is the first of yours that I have watched. I have only just come to the conclusion recently that I am a high functioning autistic woman. I am in my 40's. Yes, I am extremely good at masking and I am only self diagnosed (I don't see any reason at this point in my life to get diagnosed professionally). Both my son and my father are autistic as well and are more obvious in their signs. I saw myself in all the signs on your list. The most difficult situations for me is interviews. I know others have this issue as well but when you explained that you keep it short to end the conversation on a positive note. This is what I couldn't get people to understand when I interact/perform well. I want to stop. In my industry, the interviewers want more info so longer is better. I even try mock interviews to help....still the same issues no matter what I do.

@1800MDGAF 10 ай бұрын

I love that your videos are broken into segments. I love how structured it is. Thank you

@kathfennemore1131 8 ай бұрын

Pretty much everything on here hits home. You're amazing to be able to do what you do!

@CraftyVegan Жыл бұрын

I’m technically undiagnosed for tactical reasons, but when I was a child I was “alphabet” diagnosed. I can go along with CPTSD and maybe ADHD, but I definitely don’t have depression, general anxiety disorder, bipolar disorder, or schizoaffective disorder. All of which I’ve been either threatened with or diagnosed and medicated for. And none of the medications did anything good. I was never properly chemically depressed until I was put onto Zoloft and Prozac (separately. Not at the same time 💀)

@AutisticAwakeActivist 9 ай бұрын

I’m x served lol 😊

@Clean97gti 9 ай бұрын

I can't believe the youtube algorithm took this long to show me your channel. I've watched a few of your videos and I'm staggered at the number of similarities I'm noticing in myself and looking back on my younger self. I'm 41 years old now and I feel like I've just been the somewhat quirky loner. The huge number of signs I missed (and everyone else) is eye-opening. Things like being freakishly good in some subject, but struggling mightily with others in school. I am terrible at math which is odd to me because I'm great at remembering numbers. But I am great at history and civics because the way the stories fit together makes it stick in my mind very well. The context of it all makes it memorable and what I find fascinating. I probably should have gone to law school!

@torielah 11 ай бұрын

It's so nice to see someone talking in an open and comfy way about this, thank you so much! It’s kinda funny to put my experience side to side with others, I never wanted to be popular or anything, my motto was “one friend, one problem”, sometimes we would sit together and just silently make company to each other. I just noticed that I didn’t make eye contact when I was older and looking back to my past, nobody never commented about it, even my stimming that I never in my life would think that some people are put down by simply doing it. (P.s.: oh people would like, look at the direction i was looking and be confused but noticing that i was talking to them very fast lol) People would say that I was cool, in a nice way, because I didn't have expression on my face, and I would think “ wow great! I'm cool!”. And putting all this together I was like: oh maybe, just maybe, I'm not really doing what some people do...is that a problem? I don't think so. And yeah, I never changed that, I just changed the way I choose friends and my environment in general to be the best place I can live in, where people that I love, love me too, and we understand each other.

@troymccullagh 9 ай бұрын

This is ringing a lot of bells. It brings tears but I am glad to know and have understanding.

@kirstinjw.wilkinson4143 Жыл бұрын

I can't do group discussions or conversations, but I do enjoy 1 on 1 I don't really recall, I know I was so often lost in my imagination that I didn't notice. Though after 2nd grade I did get picked on by peers, as they realized just how odd I was. When I was older, yes, I was part of the oddball group. As an adult, I think that many of my friend group are ND. I drift away from my friends often, it's just hard to interact and I often run out of what to say and I feel guilty about that. I had a lot of guy friends as a kid. I don't know why. I was a fairly steryotypical girl, but I had a close guy friend pretty much every school year. I was a teacher's pet and talking with the teachers, I was an only child. People told me I was mature for my age. I didn't 'get' my peers and it scared me because I couldn't predict their actions. I remember I was in 5th grade, I got bullied by a 3rd grader and a 4th grader. I had a good friend who was in the 2nd grade and a couple Kindergarteners I was close with.... to be fair, I did have a couple friends my own age as well. And I am an animal person. I am an easy mark and yeah, I got picked on. I just got out of a home situation where a roommate was verbally abusing me, and it is hard to admit that. I have also done the flirting thing....oh gosh, I'm just trying to be friendly and probably talking to pass the time because I am bored. I do notice my eyes drifting a lot, but I didn't think that was me avoiding eye contact. I do find it easier to listen if I am watching the person speak. I can't play rpgs online, because I cannot see the other people. I talk with my hands. I don't know if I mask. I think I did as a kid, but as I aged, I don't care anymore.

@Liduska 3 ай бұрын

As a kid I always felt so weird about where to put my hands. I didn't like just hanging them loosely by my sides, and I thought it may look weird to other people too. So, obviously, I looked at the fuckin Donald Duck comic books I was obsessed with at the time to see what the characters did with their hands when they were just standing still and tried copying that. Also noticed a lot of people who had their hands in pockets so I did that too. In my ballet classes there was an older girl who held her arms in front of her body, one arm hanging loose and the other hand holding the arm thats hanging. I copied that also. But in hindsight I think it may have been a sign of insecurity, she may have been subconsciously "shielding" herself by holding her arms in front of her. At the time I just thought she looked cool and pretty. Until very recently, during conversations with people I barely know, I've usually been holding my arms kind of crossed in front of me, with one hand scratching at my neck. But one time I noticed that the person I was talking with broke eye contact to look at my hand at my neck which made me think it may have been a strange thing to do, so I haven't done that since during conversations. It had brought me some comfort though, because social situations make me anxious. Nowadays I'm not really sure. Pockets seem like a safe bet, and I could fiddle with something at the same time without anyone paying too much attention to it. And when I'm not talking to anyone I can look at my phone, everyone does that so it can't look too weird

@brennatheelvenqueen5576 Жыл бұрын

Thank you for making your videos. I am self diagnosed at 57 and I don’t need to tell you how helpful info from other women with Autism is! So thanks again❤ I also wanted to add that I HAVE had wrong diagnoses but also have had trauma in my past so I have autism and trauma diagnosis

@catherineherbert7864 9 ай бұрын

I'm 37 and have been waiting 9 months (so far) for an ASD assessment. I relate so much to the things you're saying.

@UTshaman 7 ай бұрын

I’m now feeling so overwhelmed from what I’ve learned in this one film. I’m amazed that you can be on Facebook groups about this….I’m exhausted just at the thought of you managing to do this. I fully agree with every point you have made. Six years ago I came across a fiction book in the library. Black and white cover. It began as an app before it was published in book form. It’s about a community of teens, all neurodiverse, and how their special abilities were the hallmark of the next development of the human race. I was utterly inspired by this book. Regretting I don’t yet remember the title. I’m going to seek for it. Thank you again

@strangecreaturl 8 ай бұрын

as someone who recently found out im autistic hearing other peoples experiences align with mine is really comforting :) def following

@kimanddanahaagenson5595 9 ай бұрын

Owe you a lot, especially on behalf of my youngest (only daughter). Found you because sons are at varying places on the spectrum but along the way figured out at 54 I am also autistic, but so is my daughter who was completely missed by everyone. Bit of a bombshell. I am the one who problem-solves everything, the glue in the family, the doer-so not the stereotype I had imagined. Turns out I am just higher functioning than the rest of the family and oddly enough blessed to have ADD which makes talking to people and moving between tasks easier. Who'd a though?! Thank you for these vids. Daughter feels so understood listening to you. Such a gift.

@ilonakhomenko3797 4 ай бұрын

I watched and listened to your video and I smiled, because I like your way of describing things and I catched myself on "oh, I did this too, and this, and this...now it get's clear to me what was going on with me" Thank you for the sincerity with which you share. This is super valuable and informative!🖤

@LilThreat88 9 ай бұрын

This was. Amazing! Instant sub. On to watch more of the series~

@AsterSilly 7 ай бұрын

Oh my goodness, it makes me feel so good that you mentioned the unsurity and the existential crisis going on inside when there was an autistic trait you didn't relate to or weren't sure if you related to. I've had this very same thing happen to me so many times. I've done so much research about autism and I've gone so back and forth on weather I'm "actually autistic" just because of the fact I didn't relate with a few traits. But there are so many autistic traits I DO relate to, and all these autistic traits really explain a lot about my life and who I am as a person!

@EclecticPsychotherapist Жыл бұрын

I really appreciate the research you put in and I agree, I notice I make less eye contact with people I'm comfortable with, which is my husband, mom, dad and nan lol

@alleythetoaster8401 3 ай бұрын

Man, I love your relatable stories

@ztepfinat0r Жыл бұрын

This whole video! Thank you! I've paused it several times to add more memories to my document for my upcoming ASD appointment. And thankfully I've photo-documented my life for the most part to add visuals alongside my memories. Holy crap, I am seeing my photos and diaries in a whole new light, now, and things are making so much more sense. And also: I cackled when you quoted 'listen with your eyes' - I remember the rainbow song too - and now I can't get it out of my head DAAAAMMMIIIIT LOL!

@sue6664 Жыл бұрын

Love the name of your channel, it's exactly how I feel, I was just diagnosed at age 55.

@prepin 10 ай бұрын

Video: Are you just Socially Anxious or are you Actually Autistic? My psychiatrist: Congratulations! You have both!

@lunahart 3 ай бұрын

Thank you so much for this! The home videos and references to research are extremely helpful. as are your anecdotes. Every one of your videos gives me those light bulb moments. It definitely helps to keep the Imposter Syndrome at bay!

@renatajansen3872 Жыл бұрын

Thank you for sharing your experience!

@Teyrah Ай бұрын

Idk. I did several autism tests online who say I should see a specialist, autistic people I know tell me I'm autistic, people that have autistic people in their life say I'm autistic. I researched alot about autism and it fits. My grandmother did read stuff about autism and said "it fits, you did this and this and this and this already as a child" I wouldn't dare calling myself autistic cause I have no diagnosis. But I like talking about crystals, Digimon and nerdy stuff. My name is Emma and I'm 25. Thank you for listening.

@tmbboehmke Жыл бұрын

I find your videos helpful, informative, and comforting. 💚

@rebeccat9389 9 ай бұрын

I am so happy for you that you grew up with more access to video. I'm 40 and it's YOUR videos that have me looking at myself like 👀👀👀

@UTshaman 7 ай бұрын

I’m in a state of shock as I’m listening to this and I am only 6 minutes in. When my former partner suggested this could apply to me 11 years ago I replied with …..silence…..what a giveaway. It’s now reached the point where my family pretty much all identify with being neurodivergent. You are describing yourself and at the same time you’re describing my childhood, exactly! This is why I’m shocked. I’ve been diagnosed with BPD and I intuitively Knew it was wrong. I was drawn to this after watching neurodivergent doctor…then the KZfaq algorithm threw you into my options…..having watched 3 more recent films of yours, my intuition instructed me to watch your first film…..this one. I’m so grateful to you it goes beyond language…….much love…..

@Sarah-ht7cs 3 ай бұрын

Late diagnosis here. My mom used to insist that I was lying because I would look off to the side when I talk. I probably got smacked a few too many times. 😒😣

@Godsgrace1405 3 ай бұрын

Brilliant i cannot believe how SPOT ON YOU ARE ....pls continue to enlighten us...im 58 and never knew i was autistic just felt very diff my whle life

@BettysBubble 9 ай бұрын

Idk if I am autistic but whenever i am around someone i am not comfortable with and am distracted by eye contact I cross my eyes slightly. Not enough to be seen but just enough to blur their face. This helps me make eye contact while still not making eye contact

@roualuz6228 9 ай бұрын

That made so much sense. I'm 36 and I'm just now identifying that I have social anxiety. Thanks

@IndigoBloop 3 ай бұрын

Once I started to hit puberty, many guys told me that they thought I was flirting with them. In middle school, one started to bully me because it turned out I wasnt interested. It ultimately completely changed the way I interacted with people. Im 26 and my therapist just told me today "We'll start going through the paperwork next week, but I can tell you definitely that you have ADHD and autism."

@IndigoBloop 3 ай бұрын

One of the reasons I got most often that they thought I was flirting was the intense eye contact I was making with them when we were interacting. I just honestly cared about what they were saying and when I was younger and talking to friends I would hang on to their every word. So I stopped making as much eye contact. And started to pay attention. And all of a sudden I could pay attention to what they were saying and track what they were saying rather than being in my head about what I was gonna say next. I now will either not look at people or look at their lips while they're talking, which I sometimes have to do to understand everything they're saying.

@rubyy.7374 3 ай бұрын

Before I knew that I was likely autistic, I was super good at spotting other autistic people. I’d just know. In hindsight I guess it’s because I saw a bit of me in them!

@tbella5186 19 күн бұрын

I have one best friend that basically adopted me when I was 15, and I'm so thankful for her! She drives me insane due to being my exact opposite, but she is mine, and that is enough! I also have my husband who has always been my rock. I guess I am lucky as far as one of the lost autistic women goes.

@julesm9081 9 ай бұрын

love that taylor song! so sorry to hear this

@ardeaeichner2111 Ай бұрын

ooh, feeling naive is relatable, but to me i always felt like i percieved myself as a predator in a world full of prey rather than prey in a world of predators.. like i felt shame because i was always so big and clumsy, my mask was to be so sweet but, when i was having fun i could be 'too much', plus i've always been clumsy both with my body and like... words too tbh

@LittleFuckingGremlin 9 ай бұрын

I'm 17 and earlier this year my Autistic friend pointed out that I seemed autistic as well by my sensory issues/needs and ever since I've sorta been thinking about it from time to time. Unfortunately when I brought my thoughts to my parents they completely put down the idea saying the reason I behave the way that I do is from stress, political reasons and being brain washed, not exercising enough. They didn't actually take the moment to listen to me and try to help me find out. I've been researching time to time and I feel for many of the things mentioned in this video.

@etcwhatever 7 ай бұрын

Most parents are in denial. Mine arent. But my exes mom was totally clueless. I had this bf who had very obvious traits. He couldnt really mask. But you know it was the lack of filter that made me feel comfortable. Im literal af. Yeah...the further back i go in my life story the more i think i might be on the spectrum too. Its so draining to act all normal wtf that is. I keep getting burnouts because my jobs...are too stressful...and very based on putting myself on the spotlight with meetings and presentations. Idk why im telling you all this. Piss goblin thats a funny name 😂😂😂😂

@LittleFuckingGremlin 7 ай бұрын

@@etcwhatever I get very stressed out too, I developed dissociative coping earlier this year but I can't tell my parents 'bout it cause they won't be much help, they've never made me feel safe enough to tell them how I really feel. Butttt oh well lol, and yeah i get plenty of comments about my name haha

@AzariahMarinaStarcaster Жыл бұрын

This video reminded me that I used to be paranoid that bullies and people who didn't like me somehow had hidden cameras in my bathroom to get embarrassing footage of me o_o;

@breeknight6304 Жыл бұрын

😬I think this often!

@AzariahMarinaStarcaster Жыл бұрын

@@breeknight6304 Thank you for making me feel like I'm not crazy 🤣

@BigDumpling 3 ай бұрын

Even better when your friend cancels plans with you and then they’re posting about the plans with their better friends later that day

@Stick_and_stone Жыл бұрын

15:35 I'm very glad that I have always been most comfortable speaking my mind, since this made it very easy for me to tell someone my boundaries, I think it gives me a boost to prioritise my own well being over hurting someone's feelings. (Not worrying if someone gets upset for me speaking my mind, because I know saying that I don't like something is valid) And 21:22 for me this is "Don't stare at anyone for too long, make sure you're looking around casually, like a normal person, not staring at anyone or at a group. Just sit casually. Act casual, be chill."