Letting Go Of Someone You Love (Autism and Broken Relationships)

Letting Go Of Someone You Love (Autism and Broken Relationships) | Patrons Choice

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Letting go of someone you love is a painful process. We'd love to know how to fix broken relationships, but sometimes the only thing left to do is to let go. It's a challenging time for anyone, but personal growth after breakup is possible.
My Emotional Intelligence Website: emotionsexplai...
(Online courses and occasional free webinars)
That book I mentioned: The Happiness Trap by Dr Russ Harris
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// WELCOME TO ASPERGERS FROM THE INSIDE!!
My name is Paul and I discovered I have Aspergers at age 30.
If you're new you can check out a playlist of some of my most popular videos here: / aspergersfromtheinside
Yes, I know, I don't look autistic. That's exactly why I started this blog, because if I didn't show you, you would never know.
As the name suggests, this channel is devoted to giving you insight into the world of Aspergers.
This blog started off being just my story, but I've learned SO MUCH about my own condition
from meeting others on the Autism Spectrum that now I make sure to feature their stories as well.
I've come a long way in my own personal journey.
Now I'm sharing what I've found so you don't have to learn it the hard way too.
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// WHAT TO EXPECT FROM THIS BLOG
You can expect me to get to the point with concise useful information.
I focus on what is most important and don't shy away from difficult topics.
The best way to learn about Autism is to see it in real life ( i.e. via the stories of many, many people on the spectrum).
In this channel I endeavour to show you what Autism and Aspergers look like in real people and to also give you some insight as to what's happening on the inside.
I upload a new video every weekend with some bonus content thrown in mid-week too.
There's always new stuff coming through so be sure to check back and see what you've missed. (Is this where I'm supposed to tell you to hit that subscribe button?)
Topics Include:
- What is Aspergers/Autism?
- Aspie Tips, coping strategies, and advice on common issues
- Learning Emotional Intelligence (this is my special interest!)
- Autism in real life: stories from special guests
Everything I do is and endeavour to go deeper and take you 'behind the scenes' to understand what may, at first glance, seem 'odd'.
oh, and I love busting stereotypes and turning preconceptions upsidedown :)
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// ABOUT ME
I discovered I have aspergers at the age of thrity.
It has been my life's mission to understand these funny creatures we call humans.
My special interest is a combination of emotional intelligence, psychology, neuroscience, thinking styles, behaviour, and motivation. (I.e. what makes people tick)
My background is in engineering and I see the world in systems to be analysed.
My passion is for taking the incredibly complex, deciphering the pattern, and explaining it very simply.
My philosophy is that blogging is an adventure best shared.
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// EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE TRAINING
I also run autism friendly online emotional intelligence training. So if you like my direct, systematic style, and would like to improve your own emotional intelligence skills, check it out here:
emotionsexplain...
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// CONTACT
Blogging is an adventure best shared which means I'd love to hear from you!
Feel free to leave me a comment or send me and email at any time and I'll do my best to respond promptly.
Email: aspergersfromtheinside@gmail.com
Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy this channel!
I look forward to hearing from you!
Peace,
~Paul

Пікірлер: 505

@t3hpwm3r 4 жыл бұрын

As a high functioning autistic guy I go through this constantly, what hurts the most is never knowing why they left me as it was always a wonderful experience for me until they suddenly leave. Can't see why I wasn't for them

@Sopherian 4 жыл бұрын

Have you asked them? They never told you why they left you? Hopefully you'll meet someone better soon!

@peke1822 4 жыл бұрын

I'm in a facebook group of women in relationships with autistic men and I think most if not all of them have the main complain about the lack of emotional connection, I think if those men want to keep those relationships, they should read about that and learn how to make the emotional connection with their partners, another one is the lack of empathy. I also experience this with my bf

@lisafoster1726 3 жыл бұрын

@@peke1822 He told me pretty much everything I did annoyed him. Neurotypicals find that awfully insulting. I can handle blunt. I am blunt. But to me if someone tells me that, it's pretty much over. Plus, the emotional stuff. I was made to fell more like he was in it for the physical than actually getting to know me or caring about me.

@winzt9 3 жыл бұрын

I can relate! @Mortimer I'm left going, wtf???

@winzt9 3 жыл бұрын

@GrossstadtAlien exactly!

@ry_jayy 10 ай бұрын

I lost a whole group of close friends a couple of years ago because they mistook my undiagnosed autism for me being a creep. I struggle to understand body/facial language and don't always recognise when I'm too close to someone's personal space, I need it pointed out to me. It's something I've always known about myself but I never considered I might be autistic until a couple of years ago. I'm now diagnosed autistic and ADHD but back then they basically got me cancelled in our online community for being some sort of creep rather than thinking "hey maybe there's some underlying thing with our friend and we should gently suggest he seek further help". The thing that really baffles me now with hindsight is that we were such a supportive, understanding and diverse group. Like they were the type of people to rally round if one of us was down or if something was wrong. But with me they instantly jumped to hitting the cancel button and assuming the worst rather than thinking "hmm maybe our friend is neurodivergent and doesn't understand this or that". And what hurts most is I still miss them and want nothing more than to be part of that group again. It's been 2 years and I'm just now starting to get over it. I spent months having dreams where we made up and I was accepted back and it's haunted me.

@jonmars9559 4 жыл бұрын

Just wait until you find yourself closing in on 60 and still trying to puzzle your way out of the loneliness. It is good though coming to know that the condition that's vexed me throughout my life has a name and that there are others struggling with the identical problems I thought I was so alone with. I still want to believe something might change for me someday and that I'll find that special someone I can open my heart to. Time is getting shorter.

@hellhoundonmytrail...96 4 жыл бұрын

Sending love, brother. 💓

@ddhqj2023 3 жыл бұрын

@Sun Flower Can I suggest you use paragraphs to make your diatribe more readable.

@xivinrah 2 жыл бұрын

❤️🙏🏾

@traceycrawford9938 2 жыл бұрын

I’m 53 and feel exactly the same way :(

@a_polar_bear06 2 жыл бұрын

I’m in my late teenage. Does not seem I’ll make it out, every single day I try to gather guts to end my life but never seem to be courageous enough. Seeing people in their 60s and 50s and still keeping on hope, gives me a sense of relief. More because I already have a term to label myself with. Really hope you find your special someone really soon.

@euanelliott3613 4 жыл бұрын

When she is gone, you hear her voice in every room, breathe her perfume along the hallway from when she smiled and said goodbye, and your sadness as you remember the morning you watched her apply mascara and smiled in wonder. You see her face in every crowd, on walls, the floor and across the sky, you write songs for the love you made and long to sing them to the world. Your very soul feels great wrenching longing for the day she said "I Love You" and held your hand. You see couples walking in the park in Autumn and see her kicking leaves while you take pictures of a day you will remember forever. And you pray you never meet that someone who will make you forget her. (Yes, I have a talent for romantic fiction ha ha).

@teresaplew7714 3 жыл бұрын

Beautiful poetry. I'm a poet too. I almost cried reading it, keep writing. I know for myself it's a great way to express those emotions.

@cycleSCUBA 3 жыл бұрын

I cried at that. Cried and cried out her name. It's been 2 years yet may just as well have been yesterday. Damn this condition. Ordinary people will never understand being ecstatically happy whilst being deeply depressed.

@TheBaldyheed 2 жыл бұрын

@@cycleSCUBA what do you mean bud 🙏🏻 are you an Aspie?

@nicolej4511 2 жыл бұрын

This is an amazing poem

@Epixelator 2 жыл бұрын

this is everything i'm going through with the one i just lost. every hobby. every game. every joy. every feeling. going outside. breathing. eating. sleeping. i can't delete her from my brain. like trying to delete files from a hardrive, only to find copies in their exact location every time. she's become an undeleteable malware in my mind and I can't let go or delete her even though she shattered me in the end. she was everything i wanted and needed, once.

@soupstoreclothing 4 жыл бұрын

I've found that doing this has been very helpful for me to grow as a person. It's so extremely hard and it's hard to know if it's the right decision to make, but ultimately I think... if someone doesn't treat you right, and you've tried to explain so many times over and over that how they treat you is hurtful, and they don't change their behavior, you just have to let go of them.

@PennyJackson123 4 жыл бұрын

I have realized that as well.

@ziggypip2938 3 жыл бұрын

I hate to say it, but dating Aspies is both the best and the worst. They should date each other and stop tormenting people who adore them.

@soupstoreclothing 3 жыл бұрын

@@ziggypip2938 i'm autistic and i have no idea what you mean.

@Dizzy.Brunette 3 жыл бұрын

@@ziggypip2938 omg you are so right. I'm neurotypical and I've been tormented and messed around for 2 years by an aspie man I adored (and am still in love with). Aspies should not attempt to date non autistic people because it leads to heartbreak for both parties.

@rougesunset 3 жыл бұрын

@@Dizzy.Brunette what a nasty attitude to spew on a channel by an autistic man for autistics. As if we don’t feel bad enough trying to fit in society already

@russellfultz9771 4 жыл бұрын

Don’t numb or avoid your emotions. You need to feel to heal!

@gagrin1565 4 жыл бұрын

One of the co-morbid traits that ASD frequently goes with is difficulty understanding what we're feeling. If I'm calm or centred, I am very good at understanding my emotional reactions to things - but it doesn't take very much disturbance for me to experience alexithymia and be completely incapable of processing what I'm feeling even though, physically, I'm still reacting (and the people around me can see my physical reactions to my emotions). "Are you okay?" is a question that always takes me time to answer cos I have to spend time comparing my experience now to what I know those feelings felt like before. Unless I'm angry. Then it's easy, but I'm probably shouting at someone or doing my best not to be an anti-social nuisance. Which sucks, I don't like that I do it.

@gagrin1565 4 жыл бұрын

The thought that keeps lingering that I can't shift is: if I can't really understand the what and why of how it went wrong before, how can I ever hope to avoid the exact same result? Rationally, I'm aware that's not how things work. But it's really, really hard to not get trapped in that mode of thinking and it's definitely impeding my ability to reach out to people now (on top of the awkwardness and/or social blindness).

@jenmorricone4014 4 жыл бұрын

At some point we all have to reach a point where we accept ourselves with all our flaws/shortcomings/whatever. Life is too short to try to keep pleasing others that you can't please. Maybe its best to put some effort out but don't run yourself down. Do what you can and let the rest go. Radical acceptance. I'm trying to learn that.

@gagrin1565 4 жыл бұрын

@@jenmorricone4014 I don't disagree with any of that - it's just much harder to practice than preach when it comes time to doing it myself.

@probablyboredafrn5625 4 жыл бұрын

I feel this way too

@cor3944 3 жыл бұрын

I hope for you to never meet a narc and fall in love with that person. Because you will never ever understand what went wrong. The narc will always blame all on you. This can make you get crazy.

@OnyxXThePunch 3 жыл бұрын

Exactly man

@drlarrymitchell 3 жыл бұрын

Broken relationships tend to accumulate in drawers like Rubik's cubes that you'll never be able to solve- you know it doesn't matter but it drives you nuts anyway.

@Xankill3r 4 жыл бұрын

I think a big part of black and white thinking, apart from it being common in the community, is that our experiences in life tend to reinforce it when it comes to relationships - romantic or otherwise. The "I'll never find someone who understands me, not even a friend" spiral comes so naturally because friendships just don't last. They haven't in my case at least.

@AlterNature38 Жыл бұрын

Exactly. We don't simply think about things in such a black and white way for no reason. We think about things in this way because they have been demonstrated and proven to us to be true countless times over.

@lastlight4252 3 жыл бұрын

I concluded I was unlovable after losing three relationships for which the guys said the same thing. I was not adequately empathetic, more or less. So at 43 years of age I decided never to try again, I am unlovable for some unknown reason. I now am 68. I discovered I have Asperger's when I was 66. Wish I could have known earlier.

@Wiz.37083 2 жыл бұрын

Sounds familiar...I'm the same way...late 60s, discovered last year I'm probably on the spectrum...I generally don't get along with other people, not that I don't try...I don't get them and they don't get me.... Hope things are well with you...

@gooderspitman8052 2 жыл бұрын

Me too, I got diagnosed at age 62 and up to that point my life was an endless car crash and I too gave up on relationships. I’m aged 65 and unlovable apart from that is to my dog.

@MythopoeicNavid 2 жыл бұрын

@@gooderspitman8052 You are not unlovable. Maybe it just feels that way, and maybe there is a beautiful freedom in solitude (I was just told by the woman I cared for too much that what I felt for her and even just writing to her was overwhelming her and that i should stop and needed to. So I did. Now I'm feeling unlovable!) But the truth is... we're humans, and humans are lovable. Therefore we too are lovable given the right conditions and pacing... At least you do have your dog ^_^ good luck you awesome person you.

@gooderspitman8052 2 жыл бұрын

@Navid Haider ah, thanks and ditto.

@kayhansen9229 2 жыл бұрын

You guys probably aren't unlovable but if you're an aspie you're going to have to work real hard at it it won't come natural to you to have a relationship with a woman you would have to do everything that Mark Hutton that psychologist tells you to do he's good at counseling couples very knowledgeable it's devastating to a neuro typical woman to be with a man like that.

@BarbaraMerryGeng 3 жыл бұрын

Brilliant advice Remember - it’s a warning sign if you’re doing all the work to create the experience of relationship .. no bueno’ ...

@kayhansen9229 2 жыл бұрын

No bueno is at like no diggity no dog you are so right. But then every now and then he does something right? Then what do you do? I hate to say this I'm being glib on purpose but it's too bad they are not as easy to train as dogs if you give a dog a treat man they learn real fast they'll do it every time men not so much. They like food and they like sex but not so much that they will do it every time for it especially if they are an aspie.

@soupstoreclothing 4 жыл бұрын

Everything in this video is exactly how I've felt throughout all the relationships in my life.. I have no close relationships in my life. I've had a few (about 3) close relationships, but they've never lasted for very long. I can't seem to meet anyone who cares about me the way I care about them. I always seem to be the person more invested, more willing to put in the effort, more willing to try to understand their needs and want they want, both with romantic relationships and friendships. And this feeling of like I'm never going to find someone who does that for me is so strong. I definitely feel that "grieving for the future." I just sort of accepted that I would never connect with anyone because I felt so fundamentally broken. I have tried so hard to make friendships. I finally have a friend now after 2 years of being entirely alone. We're not very close but it's something. And I'm currently trying to make another friend. I didn't realize why friendship was so hard for me until I figured out I was autistic about six months ago. I thought I was just unlovable or wrong. I felt like I was the most common factor in all of those situations - like it was my fault that I can't seem to connect to anyone. It's something I'm more capable of working on now because I know why I struggle, and I also feel relieved in a way - knowing that it isn't entirely all on me, and that I'm not fundamentally broken or unlovable, but that I'm autistic and that's why I have such a hard time. I find that over the course of my life I'm either entirely on or entirely off with someone. I'm never lukewarm unless I have to be, such as in work relationships or peers in school. I don't make acquaintances very easily and I'm entirely disinterested in making them anyway. I guess this comes off as too intense, but it's also gotten me in hot shit because when a relationship finally needs to end, I no longer want to be a part of that person's life. If they don't want to be with me, I'm not going to be with them in any capacity and that's just how I am. I don't understand the concept of being friends with your exes because we're exes for a reason. What happened during our time together proved to me that you don't deserve to be in my life anymore. And maybe that's just because I've had such nuclear break-ups, but I suppose that's just what happens when you dump all your energy into one person and it backfires. Anyway, I just recently had a breakup and this video came at a really good time. Thank you for sharing and I look forward to the seminar. I've already signed up!

@pepperp9529 4 жыл бұрын

It sounds like you actually have been on a date or two so that’s cool! “Best friends” don’t always end up being humans. I’m not friends with my ex’s but I’m “friendly” to them if I run into them. Organized group activities help, know its hard with Covid. Keep your head up Sam.

@soupstoreclothing 4 жыл бұрын

@@pepperp9529 I've actually only been on one date and it was an awkward one a friend of a friend set up in college. It went awfully and ironically I'm no longer friends with that person who was my link. The only relationships I've had have been online through special interest communities. As cringy as it is lol, my first girlfriend I met through Homestuck, and then later I met someone through Overwatch. I think meeting people through your interests is much easier and less anxiety-inducing than going on dates. Though keeping the relationships after the fact of making them is something I still haven't quite figured out. At the moment, I'm keeping my distance from the few friends I've made recently because it seems every time I try to get closer, it blows up. I guess it's a matter of waiting for the right people to open up with, though my judge of character may not be the best, and desperation for connection has gotten the better of me in the past. Either way, I think keeping a healthy distance from people is necessitated by my eccentricities. I try not to be dissuaded from life even in the face of such stark isolation. Got to remain hopeful, I suppose. What's the point of living if not for love?

@pepperp9529 4 жыл бұрын

“Single” people are happy people too! Find acceptance and love for yourself and everything else follows. If it gets bad though there are people and doctors out there that can help.

@orengejoshi 3 жыл бұрын

...you quite literally sound like me. I could have written all that. Every single word you wrote here sounds like something *very exact* I've experienced or what I'm feeling, it's a little eerie. I feel so much less lonely right now. I've met a bunch of people in my life to who I've tried to explain my emotions like this and they said "same, I understand" but I just knew they didn't. But if you said that to me, I'd 100% believe you. You understand me. I have never agreed so fully with anything else. I wish you to find all the luck and love in life.

@heide-raquelfuss5580 3 жыл бұрын

Thank you for sharing your post. Totally relatable!

@giuseppi77 4 жыл бұрын

The problem right now with this pandemic is that we’re all more isolated than usual and the idea of literally never finding someone again seems very real.

@RemrovsWorldofArtandAutism 4 жыл бұрын

Yes indeed. I've been struggling with this too. Without the pandemic things can already be isolated enough. The pandemic makes everything even harder.

@InshasChoice 3 жыл бұрын

I'll have better luck online 😅

@teamalesh4764 3 жыл бұрын

its a plandemic

@derekslonaker7424 Жыл бұрын

People are a match or they are not. There are no perfect people, therefore there are no perfect relationships but remember, love conquers and covers all. Love is not an emotion.

@Msmollylinhanhthai 3 жыл бұрын

I've had to let go of friendships, and accept the fact that those people weren't meant to be my friends to begin with.

@EsporHB 4 жыл бұрын

Thank you. My task is letting go of feelings of guilt because I already broke up. I was trying so hard and finally was just exhausted and anxious to make mistakes so the time came I was just constantly in stress and had multiple emotional meltdowns. I came to the point where I didn't see any way out of my negative emotion cycles and trying harder would only make it worse. So I broke up. The problem was partly... She never was sure if I was "the right person" for her. She always had her doubts and shared them with me. I took every critique deeply to my heart and wanted to change for her. Becoming more "manly". That didn't work out and in the process of trying so hard I also lost the feelings that made our relationship precious. My love wasn't pure any more, I became dependent. After the breakup she talked me into trying again - with very short runtime and more meltdowns. Now she always tells me how I gave up on her and how sad she is about it and that she would never give up so easily. I was and still am overflowing with feelings of guilt, although I still think the decision to end the relationship was the best for us both. And I became calm again. But letting go of the guilt is the most difficult for me. Is this book you mention also partly about this guilt and trying to be someone else?

@terranovarubacha5473 4 жыл бұрын

I have ovaries, so I can get away with saying this, but did her doubts come before her period? My partner is always the first to bare the brunt of my unhappiness. He is the most important thing and it I'm unhappy it feels like it must be because of him. If you feel like this is happening with your next partner, try to be aware of whether there's a cycle to her doubts. If there is, try to take solace in knowing she's going through a bit of hormonal madness and it has nothing to do with you.

@mlwilliams7959 4 жыл бұрын

I have ovaries too and it sounds like someone is trying to make you feel bad about the breakup but won't own their share of the problem. Time to take the trash out by going off on them with a good curse out! It takes two to tango and there is plenty of blame to go around!

@hellhoundonmytrail...96 4 жыл бұрын

@@mlwilliams7959 Yes that's exactly what I thought. They lure you back to hurt you. That exact thing happened to me after I tried to break up with my ex.

@s0cializedpsych0path 3 жыл бұрын

Dude, your videos have changed my life! I am forever in debt to you. I was raised alone with a Narcissist mother, that developed Munchausen by proxy (got hooked on the sympathy she got, from telling people how crazy I was). I was only just diagnosed at 36, thanks to your videos. I found out the reason I was always so exhausted and unmotivated, was that I'd been masking it my whole life, for the benefit of my mother. Well, yesterday I won my freedom from it, because I was finally able to shut her down, for the first time in 36 years! Thank you soooooo much!

@aristar9902 4 жыл бұрын

I think we all now need a video in how to manage emotions and live happily on our own!

@noahpetherbridge5127 2 жыл бұрын

This stuff is so interesting and relatable. The black and white thinking in relationships as far as “I’ll never have this ever again if I lose it now,” and whatnot. That’s exactly the way I felt.

@sussybaka5322 4 жыл бұрын

I broke up with someone a year ago and lost many "acquaintances". I don't care if I don't have someone, I am slowly learning that my best friend in life is myself. I need myself to make me feel happy! It's a lifelong lesson but I am slowly learning.

@crustycobs2669 Жыл бұрын

Very helpful stuff, thanks

@lindsay.newman 4 жыл бұрын

well said Paul, i recognised many patterns from my past too. I used to put all my energy into one relationship. Managing many relationships, friends, family etc. was very hard work. That has changed a lot in the last 10 years, Im more capable now of managing it and I appreciate the resilience and also the resources that come with maintaining many friends.

@ourworldfinallyelaine 3 жыл бұрын

I let someone go because it felt very lonely in a relationship when I’m better off alone and happy. I really liked my aspergers love interest-but it felt like I did all the work. I tried so hard but it felt like I was alone to maintain it.

@TheBaldyheed 2 жыл бұрын

I have done the same thing with my Aspie girlfriend, she's a lovely soul but after 6 years of no connection or empathy or affection etc I couldn't take anymore. I never knew she was Aspie while I was with her (I suspected but if I attempted to say anything it was met a shutdown or anger) I have since discovered so much more about Asperger's and also the psychological effect it has on NT's post break up that I am now 95% certain she has it..... I now feel so remorseful and guilty that all of the stuff she was doing (or not doing) was never meant to hurt me, she simple just don't know how to do it 😢 if I had known this at the time things could have possible been so much better. I feel so guilty about leaving now that's it's killing me😢 what do you do to help you get over the relationship? Thank you 🙂❤️🙏🏻

@Feminazi1dc 2 жыл бұрын

I'm an autistic person who is very devoted & a hopeless romantic.. we're not all the same..

@Feminazi1dc 2 жыл бұрын

Posting comments like this are nothing but harmful.. we aren't all the same but we ALL feel terrible already without your input 😒

@JChurchua 2 жыл бұрын

@@Feminazi1dc I somewhat agree with you. BUT, imagine being NT and being held back to "baby" an aspie through life... It is heartbreaking to think about from the aspie side though..

@swanben11 2 жыл бұрын

@@JChurchua WTF does that mean? You know that most the things which facilitate your daily existence were created by the aspies you have to "baby through life." Must be great having your levels of confidence.

@otohikoamv 3 жыл бұрын

Thank you so much - I'm an autistic guy dealing with the end of a 7-year relationship just over 2 months ago - and this video is by far the most helpful thing that I've heard during this entire time. Not only that - but I've realized that those two-odd months were so necessary for me to actually be ready for this video's message, and that's one of the few times since the breakup that I felt like there's been value and learning in that otherwise awful and painful period of my life. That's a feeling I definitely want to sit with for a bit now - again, thank you very much for the thoughts!

@gerardosalas9477 4 жыл бұрын

Wow, this couldn’t have come at a better time. I opened myself to some friend I love(d), after weeks of trying my best to save the relationship, and he just didn’t care. I think loneliness will be with me until I finally drop into the grave.

@gerardosalas9477 4 жыл бұрын

Update he cares but doesn’t show his feeling that much. I guess I have to el arm that other people have other ways of showing care. Now we have been a little closer than before so I think the relationship will be saved eventually. I guess this interpersonal relationships subject will never cease to amaze me.

@aristar9902 4 жыл бұрын

My high school sweetheart left me a few weeks ago. I relate this this. He actually said to me that he felt I knew the relationship wasn’t working but I would rather stay in it because I didn’t want to change. Wise words. He realised it before I did.

@naturandmor 22 күн бұрын

Honesty is the key! No masking and not playing games with a neurotypical.

@persephone6896 4 жыл бұрын

I’m dealing with something like this now, it’s really difficult to let go of emotion, but this helps. Thank you

@aristar9902 4 жыл бұрын

Me too. ❤️you’re not alone

@danialhussin 4 жыл бұрын

Go for a run, if it wasn't meant to be don't force it. You will hurt yourself, please take care. Not everything we want must be our. Maybe without it, you will have the space to get something much much more.

@PennyJackson123 4 жыл бұрын

I as well.

@pepperp9529 4 жыл бұрын

What’s the girls name on Big Bang that said... “2 days to cry and 5 days to hit the gym” lol, also helps. Thanks for the awesome insight and videos!

@hellhoundonmytrail...96 4 жыл бұрын

We're more sensitive than a lot of people can imagine.

@harrybaulz666 3 жыл бұрын

It's been nearly a year and I can't stop thinking of her.

@lurrr217 2 жыл бұрын

I hear you

@BeautyByJuliette14 4 жыл бұрын

How did you know i needed this though.... boyfriend of 1 year broke up with me yesterday in a really mean way. I really do hope someone someday will love me for all of me.

@aristar9902 4 жыл бұрын

Similar situation to you. My boyfriend of 3 years broke up with me on the 13th. I found the first 2 weeks really hard but I’m able to manage my emotions without support from my parents now. So you will heal too ❤️

@BeautyByJuliette14 4 жыл бұрын

@@aristar9902 I dont have anyone :( my parents are manipulative and mean and i have pretty much no friends. this sucks. also he broke up with me because of my meltdowns and he refused to believe my autism could cause them :(( but yes. i will heal

@InshasChoice 3 жыл бұрын

Onwards and upwards. How are you doing now?

@BeautyByJuliette14 3 жыл бұрын

@@InshasChoice i found a new guy who loves me for me :) and he has adhd

@InshasChoice 3 жыл бұрын

@@BeautyByJuliette14 yaay, see everything works out for the best. Many blessings your way 💞

@simthespark324 3 жыл бұрын

Yes, I sit here with my high functioning aspergers absolutely struggling because I’m so confused. I made some mistakes, apologised and did my absolute best. In the end she just left and couldn’t do it. I can’t even sleep at night and I have panic attacks because she was my absolute best friend for years and it hurts. I do feel that ‘I’ll never meet someone else’ and at the end of that sentence comes ‘that special’ or ‘that I love that much’. It’s so difficult and I know it sounds a bit silly but most of the day I can’t function.

@nicolej4511 2 жыл бұрын

Give yourself time… breakups never feel good… but healing will eventually come to your heart. Moving on is healthy

@ZomBoSk8r 4 жыл бұрын

this is one of the toughest things ive ever had to deal with as i dont make friends easy and partners even harder and i get very very very emotionaly attached and due to my wiring i tend to get overly frustrated all the time and that causes too much friction and my communication breaks down and then i go into overly anxious attachment mode and make matters worse and a vicious cycle of self deprecation ensues and oooohh boy its just one giant bloody mess inside me and im actually discussing these topics with my therapist in a few hours. thanks for sharing your insights and thoughts with all of us. you are such a wonderful support pillar to our community!

@richardlong-qv6tv 4 ай бұрын

same problem here

@Arkhs 4 жыл бұрын

Thankyou. I find this advice is applicable to neurotypicals too. However I think it's harder for an autistic because of the difficulties with emotional processing linking to other aspects of cognition. I can't count the times I've had and lost epiphanies in a cyclical fashion. Like I will forget the sense of relief I've had after going through an emotion and only remember that I've processed it before after I've processed it again.

@Stephanie568 4 жыл бұрын

I've never been in a romantic relationship (I'm aromantic and asexual) however this still resonates with me towards friendships. I had a friend I felt close to but she treated me like crap towards the end, like it felt like I was walking in a land mine field covered with glass and it got to the point where I just had to stop talking to her altogether; At first it was hard, really hard, like *I* put all the work in our friendship and I was too stubborn to give it up (especially because she said her longest friendship/relationship was 7 years and remembering my mom say "once you make a friend in Steph you make a friend for life" and I just don't fully know HOW to make friends, it just kinda happens with me) but I realized I'm better off without her.

@rougesunset 3 жыл бұрын

This was so helpful to listen to from another autistic person. I get so stuck in the sunk-cost fallacy that I stay in relationships past their viable time.

@xiphocostal 2 жыл бұрын

1:26 This is the hardest bit with a lot of my friends and family. I put in a lot of energy, time into relationships, push myself out of comfort zones, accommodate other people's wants and needs at the expense of my own. I think everything is going great, but then they dump me, or it becomes bleedingly obvious that while they are my priority, I am their last resort. (If that). I'm left bewildered and burntout and they go on their happy way.

@Unicysis Жыл бұрын

The Book of Psalms from the Bible tells us how those people who shut you down and go their happy way will be punished and destroyed, and the downtrodden will have a bonanza Psalm 37:9-14

@lizh1970 Ай бұрын

Thats the reason relationships are about both people getting their needs met it's a balance not one sided . When you put all of your needs aside to please another that is reffered to as codependency , you are trying to hard and it can be overwhelming to the other person . You are trying to hard to get them to like you and all you have to do is be present . If you are masking it is going to be hard I understand its exhausting. Empathy is the ability to see things from anothers perspective to understand them which includes understanding how they feel . People split with people with ND because they seem emotionally unavailable .

@lizh1970 Ай бұрын

@@Unicysisthat's shocking using that as a threat against someone that feels they can't be in a relationship with you , you are clearly insane ,

@elizabeth__beavers Жыл бұрын

It's the possibility of the future that really causes me to suffer. Usually I startle the person with honesty and vulnerability. It makes me sad.

@Deadtired83 3 жыл бұрын

Really good video. Just few weeks back I ended up ending my 16+ year lasting relationship after realizing we both were suffering about the situation more than getting out of it, but both were also scared shitless to actually do anything about it. Hands down, the hardest decision in my life, but both of us agreed it was necessary to do. Took months to really accept those feelings I had before the break up. Tried pushing them to where they came from, but it just got worse and worse. There was a lot fear too since I had also made that mistake of not maintaining my own social life and was just focused on living in the middle of the woods with my gf. Without being social for about 10 years. What it basically felt was like jumping from the edge of the cliff. All my existing reality did change, except what came to my working place. First time living alone in my life, first time even living outside my home town. I did fear a bit how things would start to roll. Could I even decorate my own home to something which resembles actual home? Would I remember to eat regularly enough (I did not, when I was younger)? The very basics of life. Now, after living couple weeks alone it does feel I made a right choise. Most of the fears were without reason and things just started to take their own place. Even without actually focusing or thinking them too much. There's a lot to learn, but everything seems much simplier than expected. Actually, not a single subject I was so worried about has caused issues so far. And the best thing to realize was that even if I had near-forsaken my best friends a decade ago, after break up I got immediately contacted from their side and felt I was welcomed back arms open. Almost like I would have never been away. And that's something to be extremely grateful about. It also gives a lot hope for the future to come.

@JJ-kb4ry 3 жыл бұрын

Your advice is counter productive when it comes to romantic relationships and that’s the issue. You build a support network when the person you’re supposed to talk to and be there for is your partner. That’s something that doesn’t compute to you guys and after years with an aspie, I’m done because you don’t build your network so you can allow your partner to let you down, YOU COMMUNICATE until problems are resolved. That’s what it takes to be a part of a relationship!

@TheBaldyheed 2 жыл бұрын

I totally agree with you mate but does it make a difference that Aspies genuinely don't understand this? Or am I missing something

@chrisgrain2204 2 ай бұрын

I found this very helpful, thankyou. Emotions keep knocking at the door, either deal with them, feel them, let them give you important message and then let them pass through. Or try to block them, they won't go away so one uses more energy trying to ignore th knocking. Clean Emotions: dealing with present emotions rather than overcomplicating.

@GeraldSmallbear 4 жыл бұрын

For me, this is the best video you’ve ever done. I think the format and the content remind me of my men’s group where our unofficial motto is: “Feel the fuck out of it!” The more official motto is “Feelings: I will own them and show them”. And I really like the concept of Clean Discomfort, or perhaps Pure Discomfort.

@wildflowersmilkhoney503 2 жыл бұрын

I’m totally good with clean discomfort. It’s when it’s complicated & messy, it prolongs & becomes horrible. That when the thoughts & worries of the future creep in.

@captaindemoncorps4727 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you for doing the video and posting it. You have an admirable self awareness and your style is so fresh and genuine. You're not only helping aspies, your content is really worth for neurotypical as well 😅 attachment and love are really universal complicated topics in a way. I came here because of some people I know might be aspies, so trying to understand them better and I finish with really good stuff to work on myself!

@gluuu 4 жыл бұрын

Thank you for this! The analogy of feelings passing through, so they can leave really makes sense in many situations. I've been in the process of letting go of someone, but it has taken me way longer than anyone else before (2 years :O) because this person was manipulative and narcissistic and it has been also a process of forgiving myself for allowing to be deceived, and discovering myself in the spectrum. Everyday everything makes more sense and your videos have been of great help :)

@dtanya5619 4 жыл бұрын

Read the title and looking forward to this : ) If it doesn't get covered in this one, could you please do one that addresses the loss/the death of a loved one?

@autismfromtheInside 4 жыл бұрын

I don't cover death directly, but it's actually a very similar process. I'm curious to hear what you think of the video.

@hisnewlife3543 4 жыл бұрын

@@autismfromtheInside A breakup of a relationship, or even a loss of a friendship, feels like a death to me. I seem to have a stronger reaction to losing relationships than NTs. I tend to go into a heavy mourning period over the loss of a relationship. Why is that? Is there something wrong with me?

@ameena6485 4 жыл бұрын

@@hisnewlife3543 I think it's just hard to deal with the loss of a relationship as an autistic because we just don't understand why these things happen. In order to fully process something, you have to understand it. Nothing is wrong with you, just try not to compare yourself to NT's as hard as it seems.

@Sopherian 4 жыл бұрын

Yea I really need one about death... :( because it's coming soon (grandparents & my cat which is my best friend) and I feel like it's the end of my world. I don't know how to deal with this and I wanted to get ahead of things so the only solution I saw was to die before they did... But I survived and now I'm holding on and trying to stay strong and hoping to find a way to deal with this when they die.

@ameena6485 4 жыл бұрын

@Sun Flower The person may not provide a satisfactory answer. Relationships are complicated and it requires a lot of understanding outside of relationships to piece things together

@maddysky7351 4 жыл бұрын

When I found your channel I feel as though I found myself. And now my bf is avoiding me and I think that I might need this.

@APotatoWithAGun 4 жыл бұрын

i feel the same way about my gf.

@paulocl2 4 жыл бұрын

I'm sorry, but your relationship is over already and you shouldn't be looking for anyone's charity. You should be trying to cut the losses and keeping on with your life, without that bf. He won't miss you. Sorry.

@pepperp9529 4 жыл бұрын

Why is he avoiding you? Think he would want to walk this journey with you instead! (Just remember if we stay with the wrong man then the universe can’t give us the right one😉).

@l3radick 4 жыл бұрын

Another beautiful video, thank you. It's hard to make that transition, especially when you have to come to terms with the fact others don't try and reciprocate what you're trying so hard to give.

@Red-ij3dz 4 жыл бұрын

Really interesting, thanks for posting. I've never really broken things down enough to consider how important it is to go through a painful experience rather than try to work around it. Great food for thought.

@Kotifilosofi 4 жыл бұрын

I struggle with what's a proper intensity of holding on to a relationship. I get easily attached to people (even if I'm not very much into socializing such as smalltalk), and so I tend to consider the majority of people I meet more than once or twice at least good acquintances. When I was younger, I realized looking back, that I was "too eager" or "too familiar" too quickly. Since I realized that, I started to act more distance, to give people more space. But now I'm at a point I can't hold a friendship because people feel like I don't participate enough or I'm too distant. It's just so difficult to know what works, since different thing works for different people.

@paulocl2 4 жыл бұрын

The reason we are so attached to that one person is because it is so difficult for an Aspie to have intimate relationships. Who are we deceiving? This is pretty obvious mainly to that one person. However, as we age this is no longer important. When you don't need people anymore they will always be knocking on your door. It only remains to be seen whether we still want them in our life. I kinda use them like they use me and that's ok. I saw my last love on the beach yesterday and felt nothing. Neither heart bumping, nor butterflies. Nothing. This is my bitter sweet new reality.

@allaboardthegravytrain5987 3 жыл бұрын

Lucky for you that you felt nothing after seeing your "love". For the rest of us it's a gut wrenching feeling. Like being disemboweled while still alive.

@KarinaCor 4 жыл бұрын

You hit the truth on how I'm feeling now, I don't know if I m autistic but I know I'm a very introverted woman... Thanks for these type of topics.

@xXFlameFox64Xx 3 жыл бұрын

Thank you. I believe that relationships and the aftermaths are too complex to necessarily have "solutions" but your experiences did help me view certain things in a different, more constructive light. its been almost 6 months, and finally i caved in to using the internet to search for help. You were my first result and i think i will continue to watch videos from you. other self help sources never really aligned well with me.

@Aiken47 3 жыл бұрын

Thank you Paul, so many times I’ve been asked’why don’t you just end it’ I cant and will also turn myself inside out to try and improve the relationship

@andreabuntpercy 2 жыл бұрын

Loved the repetition, loved the roll-out, all clear! Especially this, for me: leave space for the emotion to come in so it also has room to leave...... Time to follow up by reading the book! Thanks, Paul, and thanks everyone for leaving your comments here. We are a community we all need.

@heatherlambert3653 3 жыл бұрын

I’m crying , Your videos have made me feel less alone. ❤️❤️❤️

@peachl3503 Жыл бұрын

Thanks for being who you are and for everything you do. You deserve to know how much your videos have meant to me.

@JMeyer-qj1pv 4 жыл бұрын

I think you had it right by saying "when" the relationship breaks down. A breakup is inevitable when trying to have a lifelong relationship with an NT. For me life is more enjoyable when I cherish relationships while they are going well, but I do not expect them to last forever. So when the break down comes, I try not to dwell on it and move on to new things. The pain of failed relationships is mostly due to believing that the fairy tale was possible.

@ziggypip2938 3 жыл бұрын

I disagree. It’s mostly due to Aspie’s not being willing to compromise or show compassion for their partner. ASD is not an excuse to treat people who love you like 💩

@hgzmatt 3 жыл бұрын

I think that can be reasonable.. but it can also be unhealthy. If you stay in the moment.. that's fine. If you plan for failure however.. it's not ever going to work.

@anonymousanon9941 2 жыл бұрын

Aspies can have great relationships with an NT that can last a lifetime, but the NT needs to know how to accommodate and sacrifice their original idea of what their relationship would be like, and the Aspie needs to stop blaming Aspergers for all their problems and actually learn how to be a better person. Sorry but it's not completely the NT's fault. I agree with the reply. Autism is never an excuse to neglect and treat people horribly for long periods of time just because you're different to one another. If you love someone and your NT partner wants you to show it then you should show it not make excuses.

@ViktorJ957 4 жыл бұрын

I try to grow past broken friendships and relationships. But it keeps happening over and over, back to back. It's hard to handle when it keeps happening again, and again and again. When I keep being told that the future will be different, and that love will come. Every. Single. Time. And every time I'm just asked "How old are you?" I keep trying to have hope. But I really have a hard time seeing a future with friends.

@joogjoo7913 4 жыл бұрын

I find it refreshing and not messy. I express very similar, which makes it easier understand. Thanks for your genuiness. Subject touched a nerve with me stimming but I have been given stickle bricks and they are amazing and help me focus as well as calming effect.

@kateofkates Жыл бұрын

Bless this man and his extremely helpful videos

@lohphat 4 жыл бұрын

This hits too close to home too. I was in a relationship with the love of my life but it became overwhelming for me and I shutdown and withdrew. I had to break it off as I felt as if there was a huge weight of expectations upon me as I already had social awkwardness. It broke their heart too that I put the breaks on. I told them how much I loved them and how they were the best thing that had ever happened to me. The only good news is that we moved on but remained friends. I haven't told them of my suspected ASD diagnosis this late in life but it explains everything as if from a text book. I don't keep a candle burning for them, we still keep in touch, but I can't bring myself to make any attempt to rekindle the relationship out of respect for their new partner. Hindsight is 20/20 but now knowing what may explain my awkwardness, I'm much more at ease with myself now. But in middle age, my expectations of meeting someone like that who swept me off my feet is non-existent.

@TheBaldyheed 2 жыл бұрын

Yeah I agree, if they break up then 💯 contact them after a short while. I'd my ex contacted me now saying she has been told she has Aspergers I'd be so fucking pleased for her, for me and hopefully we could sort things out ❤️

@jliller 2 жыл бұрын

"I was in a relationship with the love of my life but it became overwhelming for me and I shutdown and withdrew. I had to break it off as I felt as if there was a huge weight of expectations upon me as I already had social awkwardness. It broke their heart too that I put the breaks on. I told them how much I loved them and how they were the best thing that had ever happened to me." I'm very confused by this. You broke off a relationship where you both loved each other very much...because you couldn't handle being loved???

@infidelcastor 6 ай бұрын

@@jliller I’m not the OP but why is that so hard to understand? I’m just about to break up with my partner because of the same reasons. If you’re not autistic, how can you expect to understand an autistic perspective? And if you are actually autistic, how can you not understand this? 🤪

@infidelcastor 6 ай бұрын

Oops 1 year ago..

@lohphat 6 ай бұрын

@@jliller It was too much too fast. It actually caused anxiety. I didn’t know how to sort out the rush of feelings and the potential long-term implications. It was my mind overthinking the situation. As usual.

@TheSmashCapital 5 ай бұрын

This makes so much sense. Now I know why all my life I have evaporated relationships. I’ve always done too much. My mind set was if I show that I’m reliable then it will one day be returned to me but it never works out that way. I can’t believe I’m on a spectrum.

@sds6303 9 ай бұрын

My ex was never diagnosed but she, along with family suspect that she is on the spectrum. She always told me that it wasn’t about missing the person, but about breaking away from the routine of building her life around them. She was struggling with her sexual orientation when we got together & I found out later on she had a boyfriend the whole time. She always told me that I’m the one she loves, the one she wants, but she has this “weird bond” with him that she’s having trouble breaking away from. She told me it took her about a year to adjust to the fact that he moved in with her. So in summary it wasn’t about missing him, but about breaking down the routine of having her life surrounded by him. Hope that made sense.

@christinabrown7308 4 жыл бұрын

Paul, you are a treasure.

@ciaraskeleton 10 ай бұрын

I am so horrific at processing romantic relationships. I have the same issue as most where i quite literally cannot see the issue and so i dont know how to 'fix' it. I dont understand what i have done wrong unless the other person is direct enough to tell me, so most of it is confusing. Then letting go, its not so much the emotions of that, its the loss of routine. I know that might sound mean, but i struggle the most with processing the change. Same for not knowing when to let go. Intuitively on some level i do know, but i feel like im failing if i quit so i tend to do everything i can first before leaving. I think that we take a lot of blame onto ourselves when usually our intentions are pure and we love authentically. Cause we cant see the other person's intentions i think we take onto ourselves a level of control that we do not have. We have to remind ourselves that one person is one person. Yes we have learned that person and now the routine has changed but on the flip side you now get to put all of your energy into you instead of being drained over someone who does not understand you. In the future you will find someone, even if it does not feel like you will. This time, youll have new skills, new coping mechanisms and new ways of maintaining yourself so that this time it might go better and if not you can say 'i really did try, i dont have control over the rest'. The ONLY way i can somehow process romantic relationships is that they are learning curves. Good or bad. For us, they are deep interactive learning experiences. We are able to learn so much from each experience and remember it and apply it. Relationships are a 2 way street, you are not entirely to blame for one ending. What one person saw as a flaw, another will see as beautiful. Carry what you learn about yourself in relationships with you. I really struggle, but i can honestly say that i really have learned a lot and about life through both good and bad romantic relationships. Even if its draining at the time!

@MusicalAspie 4 жыл бұрын

I totally relate to so much of what you said. I'm trying to decide if I should break up with someone. I know it's not a good situation for me, but there's this persistent thought in my head. "What if breaking up is a huge mistake? What if I'm leaving a good person? Am I being selfish or unreasonable?" My mind has been going in circles for months. It needs to end. I feel exhausted.

@LoyalCarry 4 жыл бұрын

I feel like if you KNOW with 100% certainty that the situation is not good for you, then it would make sense to end it. I'm not sure what makes you believe that the situation is bad for you though, so just take my advice with a grain of salt.

@jomarch1645 3 жыл бұрын

I read the title and though it could help me to do the letting go, to break up with a friend. The relationship is not working and it's exhausting me. But like you said, I lost many friends before, some ghosted me. So I clung to this friendship even though it doesn't bring any good for me. Now I don't want to do the ghosting, but it's so hard. Every sentence I think off sounds rude or heartless...

@ari3lz3pp 3 жыл бұрын

I appreciate this so much. Makes me feel less alone in holding on (and letting go). I think a part of it is not trusting oneself to know your boundaries of what's acceptable in a relationship. I waited for someone who ghosted on me until they reappeared and they made it clear they wanted to stay "friends" so I tried my hand at a new relationship. But stayed in contact for a decade of the original partner ghosting and reappearing. I still miss them terribly and question my decision to stop contact even though that person could not commit and they were using me to lean on in times of trouble. It's going on 14 years since I met them, we were only actually together for 2 years. I think I'll always miss them and I feel like an idiotic sap sometimes do feeling that way. But I feel certain we knew each other better than most people do. It's a very confusing feeling. When we had committed to one another I felt SO committed I think it's one of those things where I have to let go of ever understanding why it went the way it did.

@mece6005 4 жыл бұрын

You have no idea how much your videos have helped me. ❤️ Thank you 🙏

@SDS151 4 жыл бұрын

Had my diagnosis assessment on 6/24 now anxiously awaiting my results 😣

@russellfultz9771 4 жыл бұрын

Yeah I would be anxious too, your about to join the nuero-diverse cool kids club. I’m just going to congratulate and welcome you now. ☺️

@doofy28 4 жыл бұрын

I rent a warehouse at the local small airport and find a lot of the engineers, mechanics, and pilots very similar to me spectrum wise. I would of never guessed before I moved in there.

@beatsbywonkaofficial 4 жыл бұрын

let us know your results :p

@SDS151 4 жыл бұрын

@@russellfultz9771 thank you! :)

@SDS151 4 жыл бұрын

@@beatsbywonkaofficial I will update with results!

@Hollyfilly 2 ай бұрын

Thank you, I'm having a really hard time today and this was very helpful. Thank you.

@rachellooby8286 3 жыл бұрын

Love your videos their amazing! This is something I needed to hear. Struggling to let go of someone who is not good for me. X

@gokhan4461 7 ай бұрын

I started to play this video with a pit in my stomach, and now near the end of it, it's not there anymore. Thank you.

@CharenF 3 жыл бұрын

Thank you for taking on messy topics and mustering the courage and endurance to see it through.

@alvarogutierrez9906 4 жыл бұрын

This video is amazing I cannot describe it in words! Thank you thank you and a million times thank you for this. Something that has been driving me insane for so long and finally I been, trying to at least, embracing everything that comes. I hope all is well and we all have our battles. Just let it happen people :)

@baaldilocks7641 3 жыл бұрын

This is such, a difficult thing for me. Im going through this right now. Ive ended up falling in love with someone, and they don't feel the same way back. They just want to be friends and I want that, but at the same time I'm caught in a tangle of my own emotions. I know that I should pull back, and that is where I'm coming undone. They care about me and trust me, and I can't hurt someone, even when I'm not feeling this way. It doesn't help that I know things can change in time, and there's something in me that just won't quit. I was 32 when I was diagnosed. I think its that connection alot of us with autism value above all else, and I dont want to lose that, no matter the cost. Damn it, even when I broke up with my ex, I still loved her all the way through that, and its taken me 3 years to recover, im alot stronger now, and know my own mind. At things stand at the moment, this person is aware of how I feel and how much it hurts, at first I fought against my emotions, but it came out of me just today. I'd never try to change someone's mind on how they feel, that can never be forced, but I keep getting that small voice telling me to give it time, cause times the greatest tell on anything. This is leading me to start burning out, which I have to avoid as I have a 3 year old daughter. Logically, I know if I relax, and just be that friend, then if anything changes, id find out, as it takes people to realise things. Im being naive I think but that hope just won't quit.

@garysouthwell5762 2 жыл бұрын

Having support network is extremely valuable in my dilema at the moment! Excellent!

@sysye 4 жыл бұрын

This really hits home. I've been through all of it

@SarahDale111 4 жыл бұрын

I'd like to know how people in relationships cope with a lack of solitude. I share a tiny apartment with my partner who has lost his work due to the virus and is home all the time and I'm losing my mind to the point that I feel like I want out of the relationship entirely. I am in a state of perpetual burnout and have frequent meltdowns and no time to myself to decompress and recharge. I used to use alcohol to cope but gave up my crutch a few years ago and I can't go back.

@punkynoodle9370 3 жыл бұрын

May I suggest a prayer to The Lord our God for relief and assistance? The Lord helps those who ask Him. Don’t be afraid. Ask Him.

@SarahDale111 3 жыл бұрын

@@punkynoodle9370 Thank you. I asked for help and found a place to move into at the end of next month. 🙏

@nihilism6226 3 жыл бұрын

@@punkynoodle9370 Once my hair started falling out, I asked Lord for help. He didn't listen. Turns our Lord is a jackass!

@SarahDale111 2 жыл бұрын

@trickortreat 3.5 years of living with a guy who screamed at me often, didn't let me sleep at night, was always angry and paranoid...going for walks didn't scratch the surface of the kind of solitude I needed. And if he was paranoid about what I was doing when I went out on my own, then he'd scream at me about it when I got home. The only answer to what to do when you're in a toxic, abusive relationship is "Get out!!" Thank God I did. 2 years of solitude, and I have yet to recover. I can tell I was in denial of how bad the situation was. I had to pretend it was OK just to survive. What a nightmare!

@mrc8855 4 жыл бұрын

Thank you for sharing this video today. It’s come at the right time for me to help support my son.👋

@fimbulsummer 2 жыл бұрын

You have amazing insight into how my brain works. I feel like I’ve tried to apply the scientific method to relationships and of course it doesn’t work, so I’ve given up.

@safyafarooq2878 4 жыл бұрын

Thank u so much. I needed to hear this. I try to be strong and not cry, but this suppressed emotions are making me frustrated, angry. I allowed myself to cry. It was so much in the last months. I finally left my husband. I managed to get my children back under life danger. I started a new life. I can cry now. It's over now. 10 year long marriage full of confusion, manipulations. I am just a human. It's normal to cry, it's not a shame. It is such a relief to allow to feel the feelings. Your Videos are very helpful. Thank you.

@Janderra Жыл бұрын

I never want to be in another romantic relationship again they are too hard, alone is easier, freedom to choose what I want to do for me... a romantic relationship does not solve the lonely issue it can just make it worse...

@JM-fm9tz 4 жыл бұрын

This video was very helpful for me as I have found myself on the rebound after a breakup before. I never found out what it's like to be truly by myself with myself.

@Eleonore.77 Жыл бұрын

Very helpful, very clear, way more structured and flowing than seemed to be your internal impression of messiness (no "factual" messiness perceived here). Thank you for this, Paul. As a long-time practitioner of "letting in, feeling through, thereby freeing up the energy/sensations of e-motions", I'll allow myself to share this : notice and, as the case may be, welcome as well a possible tendency to approach this "letting go" from a place of wanting to get rid of - which is resistance and not allowance. Resistance is perfectly ok but/and can be so automatic a survival/defense mechanism within the system that one could be thinking they're letting go when they're actually trying to get rid of the emotion, and not understand how/why they then feel no relief. Simply welcome the resistance if/when you notice it, feel how it feels in your body (or, if you perceptively cannot find it there, wherever/however it shows up as a "tangible object" in your awareness), give it full permission to be there and it will soon be on its natural, "merry" way as well... ;-) There's so much to say about & experience with letting go, I find it absolutely wonderful. PS : "letting go" is currently proving rather crucial here to my mental/physical/emotional/psychic wellness as I have only very recently been thrown, so to speak, into/onto a proper roller-coaster of upheavals and emotions, having "stumbled" on this lens I had never ever known to look through ... and am finding staggeringly fitting : that of possibly being "aspie" as well (46 year old). Sooo many many thanks for being here, Paul, for this YT channel, and for the AFTI community I am slowly slowly allowing myself to approach (posting this public message may seem like an inconspicuous act, but it's actually a bit of a big step here). Thank you, Paul. Thank you everyone. 💗

@ChristinaChrisR 4 жыл бұрын

“This is all I can stand Ought to be This is all I have love And it’s nothing more I keep waiting patiently For you to understand For you to see This is all I can stand Ought to be This is all I have love And it’s not enough I keep waiting patiently For you to understand For you to see” The Slow Show “Eye to Eye”

@l3radick 4 жыл бұрын

Christina, Very beautiful

@l3radick 4 жыл бұрын

Be brave my earthed Dove, Stow away for another day. Strength in solace my love, Burrow your heart and pray. Be free my sprouted Dove, Soar away into another day. Sound for serenity my love, Forge your wings and stray Be Brave my Dove

@ChristinaChrisR 4 жыл бұрын

otto bee thank you, beautiful

@MythopoeicNavid 2 жыл бұрын

I try to journal those emotions, which are mostly, I feel, unwanted or met with utter indifference if not annoyance on everyone else's part lol. But I journal, write them down, cry my heart out. Write down all those OCD-ridden scenarios in my head. Write down those horrible, horrible discomforting futures with all the horrible, horrible inevitibilities, so that they stay on the page and HOPEFULLY stay there and doesn't seep out into reality. Like one thing I feels with breakups and separation (anxieties, if we get into attachment theory and detaching from an avoidant partner), whether that's a relationship, a friendship or a relationship that had grown out of a friendship (so sucks double that you lose your bestie in the process) is this overwhelmingly sad moment where you have no one to talk to and no one who'll listen and those who did tell you that you don't listen back (my problem). Well so now I journal. At least no one is going to get hurt that way. It's all incoherent. But it's also very true. And that's what matters the most i think.

@wispsofpossibilities Жыл бұрын

You have articulated the scenario post break very honestly ...not messy 😊 thank you

@natalieclampit9725 2 жыл бұрын

I needed to listen to this because I relate to it a lot with the partner I recently lost. I had to let go to let him grow and it made him feel like I gave up on him. I was with him for 5 years and through those years I’ve watched some of your vids and it was always clear what I had to do as a partner to him. We would also split and come back together because I was his happiness but I still did certain things he didn’t like that affected how he felt but, he didn’t give up and tried hard not to argue. Anyway I never wanted to let him go

@PeppermintPatties 21 күн бұрын

Support networks: yes, they should be as varied and broad as possible. Family members and friends. People you live with and don't live with. Colleagues. Paid support. Unpaid support. Professional or volunteer helpers like your GP/doctor, dentist, optician, mental health worker, counsellor etc...Have as broad a network as you can. Then when your support of choice isn't available, you have other support. You can decide how much contact you have, but you will need it, because you're human after all. ❤️

@cynamonstudio 10 ай бұрын

I am starting to believe that I should stop relationships. All of them end up the same - I am avoidant, not wanting to commit fully. I'd rather die alone, than listen to those constant complaints. I don't even know if those complaints are true and I don't want to figure them out any more. I got tired.

@lizh1970 Ай бұрын

You've just wrote nonsense , your avoidant but think you have been in a relationship

@MrStefanuzumaki 3 жыл бұрын

You're so accurate it hurts.

@DrumWild 3 жыл бұрын

A group of friends. What's that?

@martindegn690 Жыл бұрын

Thank you so so much! This was so helpful. It feels so freeing to know I'm not the only one who feels just like this. I'm so grateful! Tusinde tak!

@--mica.ology-- Жыл бұрын

BOY HOWDY did I need this video back in 2019 🥴 I eventually figured out your solutions. But I experienced all the negative things you expressed... A lot. It was bad, but to this day, I take pride in getting through it.

@jfridayhealth 3 жыл бұрын

You've described my life. I wish I had paid more attention to this video before I ruined another relationship

@traceycrawford9938 2 жыл бұрын

Such a great video Paul, thank you. Unfortunately going ‘through’ the painful feelings is essential.

@Mandinka7495 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you so much for each of your videos, I finally have the feeling that I belong somewhere

@ArtsyMegz_On_Etsy 2 жыл бұрын

Because I finally discovered my Aspergers, I am now able to know what kind of guy is compatible with me. I feel like my mother really tried to deny that anything was different about me as a child. She shrugged off my irregular sleeping and eating habits as an infant, and then couldn't figure out why I was so sensitive to touch. I absolutely CAN NOT STAND light touches. I would also play by myself for hours, completely absorbed in whatever object that I could take apart and manipulate. I was totally obsessed with music, and struggled to pay attention in school, whenever the teacher was talking. A big part of me wishes that my mother didn't work so hard to deny that anything was wrong with me; it would have saved her a lot of grief. Rather than having teachers take her to side and telling her of my struggle to listen in class, and then her denying it. She spent a lot of time trying to figure out how to change my behavior, but didn't want to think that anything was different about my brain (even though I was oxygen deprived at birth). Now that she has been deceased, I have resorted to asking my dad if she ever told him anything about these things, of when I was a child. They were divorced, but apparently she didn't tell him about any of my learning impairments, or how I played by myself mostly everyday during recess time at school, with kids asking me if I have any friends, and me shrugging but not really caring (I didn't understand what the big deal was). So yeah, I think that I would be better off with a guy who is somewhat similar to myself, if I have any hope at love❤ .