I went through this too but I got so far as to marry her... still recovering.

To be fair. The communication breakdown is partly her responsibility too. People don’t think to ask directly what they need/want in a relationship. They often times feel entitled to expect a mind reader. For fucks sake humanity, even NEUROTYPICALS aren’t mind readers.

As someone with autism, I do have a lot of trouble telling if someone is lying. I’ve countered this by just having a low trust in everyone I’m not familiar with.

Dating sucks. The emotional games and backstabbing! I don't know how anyone in their teenage years can do it, it's like free trial of being a sociopath where people play with other people's feelings. I hate how all people need are charisma, money and to look attractive to get away with things.

After years of dealing with this I'm still not willing to speak on my experiences. I couldn't tell you why. But this is the first time I've ever seen someone acknowledge this so thank you.

If an average person asked me "what do you think about people", I'd say "I try not to; they seem to be a mass of conflicting impulses, lacking empathy, and not willing to think at all". When that person gets upset that I didn't give a stereotypical answer, and calls me an amoral monster, I'd say "I have needs that I can't reach, I need help, and yet they lock me in a closet and leaving me to starve because that's easier, and gets me away from them, never to be heard". So who's closer to being apathetic, really? I don't know, but I feel like it's not as simple as "I'm uncaring". I don't like people much because they've given me good reason not to.

Damn Max this hit on a whole different level especially because I know people in similar situations just like yours. Thanks for sharing your perspective and insight. I hope you have recovered from this ordeal 🤞

Sorry you went through that Max. I remember being raised by someone like that: having to constantly be on guard, them telling whole lies and half truths to other people not because you actually did something wrong most of the time, but because you injured their ego somehow and now you needed to be punished by either a series of mind games that made you sometimes even question reality, other people they've lied to about you treating you like trash or just a regular being grounded. And there wasn't even an option for a meltdown or to be angry because it was just fuel for their fire

i've never been diagnosed, but hearing you describe the social behaviors of autism leads me to believe i might have a mild case of it.

If that's the worst thing you've ever done, you must be a saint

while I have my burden of mental health issues, I'm quite in the dark when it concerns autism. I love watching your vids explaining it all. You have great eloquence and you seem like a pretty cool guy. We're all proud of you for sharing your experience, and having grown from it. We're all rooting for you!!!

My experience is a bit unique. To preface this I have ADHD (though I feel it’s a misdiagnosis due to it being handed out like candy in the early 90’s) and my father is a sociopath who taught me at 8 years old to lie and deceive to gain the most advantages as possible. For example: crying to gain sympathy, create believe of distress, psychologically manipulate people from prior conversations, and create elaborate and detailed events. Years of this later and I’m a perfect lair. I knew I was doing wrong but I didn’t want to disappoint or anger my father so I did it. Guilt came and went depending on the people I wronged, like all things it got easier to accept. After watching my father crash and burn from these actions and not being as disciplined as he taught me to be I eventually came to reject my upbringing. I decided to stop a decade or so later and living a life of honesty…..maybe too much at times. From my perspective: honesty is the best policy. Being able to looking at your self without disgust, and not having to remember a warped view of reality you create to continue the lies is a complete mental offload. You don’t know what your missing until you acquire it, once I gained integrity in my mid to late 20s I felt whole, or more-so at the least. Now a days once someone get to know me I’m upfront with what I can do, I ask them to question me when they feel they should on the principle that I’m not the only one who can manipulate with ease.

I’ve absolutely gone off on liars before. It’s a very relatable sentiment.

I give a lot of gifts. The dishwasher is nice to me so i gave him a battery backup for his vacation

“Pseudologia Fantastica” or pathological lying is common among the Cluster B Personality Disorders.

On a side note, maybe choose a less action oriented footage for the background for videos like this. Your gameplay is just too epic, I'm having a hard time focusing on what you're saying.

It pains me to hear that after what you've been through, you still think that you did something wrong.

That piece of advice at the end about moving on from past traumatic events really resonated with me. For those of you that don't know me, I have ASD, and was made aware of it early on in high school, but didn't realize what that meant until I was in college. 10 or 11 years ago, when I was in high school, I had a sleepover with a crush of mine. It was the perfect opportunity to get laid, and yet I listened to my mother who didn't want me to. The rest of our interactions I don't remember saying anything bad to her or anything like that. In college, I tried reaching out to her again, only to get a message saying, "I have moved on and have a new life and new friends. Don't ever talk to me again." I was devastated, since I thought that high school sleepover night was cause for her to hate me forever, and that all neurotypicals would do the same in that situation. I am slowly learning that most neurotypicals are not so vengeful, the event was a minor blip in the past, and does not define who I am today. With this video, I feel I can finally put my high school crush behind me for good. Thank you for all that you do, Max.

I had a melt down in public too and I found out my aunt thinks I was on drugs even though I was an absolutist. It kinda really hurts because she knows how I was against drugs when I was younger but she just thinks it's more likely that I would've become a completely different person instead of having a melt down?

Hey Max, just want to say I enjoy your videos. Your reaction, at least to me, does not seem like it is something exclusive to people with autism. I have both seen and have been in many situations similar to this throughout my life, and some have actually escalated to be a lot worse. I do not have full context, nor can I fully understand your position, but if something like that happened to me in the past, I could see myself acting in a similar way and I have never been diagnosed with autism. However, I am happy that you learned from this and have become a better person because of it. If it makes you feel any better, we all fall victim to people like that, many times in our lives, all we can do is suck up our pride, learn from our mistakes, and move on. Great video BTW, I really respect what you are doing with this channel. I mostly watch your channel for your game (and other media) analysis, but I really do enjoy videos like these as well. Keep up the good work!

I've had a similar situation with an ex of mine 5 years ago. We werent together long, but it was my first relationship and I wanted to do everything I can to keep it healthy, unfortunatly one day from what felt like out of nowhere, she decided to break up with me. I was confused and was asking why and what I did wrong. However she confessed that she still had feelings for an ex of hers.(An ex that wanted nothing to do with her but she desperately want to try anyway). After about a half hour of arguing, I was trying to do and say anything I can to resolve this, but in hindsight there was nothing I could do. And I hate dealing with things that are out of my control. She started to get upset at me with all of my arguing and said somthing to me that would make me lose my mind; She said that she didnt think of me as some boyfriend or someone to be in a relationship with, just someone to distract herself with while trying to forget about her ex, while i thought we were trying to build an acutal relationship. After hearing her said that, I exploded with rage at the college this all took place at. A few of her and my friends saw this, this happened at a union building and we were right outside the door. They immediately came to her comfort as I angrily stormed inside. I wanted leave but I had a math final later that day and had to stay. since the only context my friends seen was my outburst, I was seen as the sole bad guy in the situation, admittley what I said and did was wrong but from thier perspective I looked even worse. Thankfully in the end, my friends forgave and understood what happened and I no longer interact with that woman. However I still looked back at that day and regretted how I handled it, the moment still creeps in my head every now and then and makes me feel ashamed of what I did and who I am, or could be.

I was in a very similar scenario once. I was dating my co worker, and I genuinely cared about her. But I got sent home over the first UK lockdown, and worked a lot of hotel security in order to mitigate financial problems. It was great way to finish my masters, and when I was dabbling in freelance coding, I could make 20 bucks an hour. But, I'm not sure what happened, untill one date, where she got noticibly more frosty. I tried to brush it off, maybe ignorance, maybe blind optimism, who knows? But she started accusing me of being unfaithful, went through every message on my phone (legit the only other women I really spoke too were either my mother, my brother's wife, or classmates). In the end, she blocked me on all media, and had apparently started one or two rumours to boot. I'm working elsewhere these days, but it still kinda pisses me off. To be honest. I'd had relationships end on good terms, and I could still meet up with them and have a polite conversation. I just wonder why anyone has to start nasty rumours merely for the sake of it.

This is very relatable. I have so much respect for you, and whoever had similar experiences.

Man this community and this channel are honesty legendary, it’s like I’ve finally found people who speak the same language as me. Thanks Max, and please keep doing what you’re doing! 😁

I really appreciate this. It helps me understand those who are experiencing something similar and who I may have written off before understanding their full situation. Thanks for this.

Your videos are so sincere and genuinely insightful. Its one of the reasons i love your channel so much. Thanks man.

This is very insightful. Thank you for being honest about your experience!

Charismatic Liars is what sickens me, they're a parasite of my honesty and loyalty of my asperger syndrome, they knew every weaknesses i had to break me down and make me looking a total unstable monster need to be hunted & locked down. Relationships is way too risky for me because i am way too kind for those i care(it is what charismatic liars took advantage of me). People I had to bear for them tells false DRAMATIC stories I was unable to know if they says the truth or not and i was too foolish and childish to be in such state of anger with all the bullshit they had said to me, I said to them in pure rage, i have been baited in a worse position to be seen as a monster when they play the victims..I should have moved on but my asperger syndrome was the only thing i couldn't controls is my emotions because of my meltdowns..it has costed my mental state, to stay away from people, and also my channel KZfaq i decided to let it die, because i feel like I'll bear too much of a burden for the world...I want to make people happy of my weirdest personality of my syndrome...but i went too far until ive been manipulated I did something wrong when i wanted to do right to bring happiness...and I have been seen & used in a wrong way...and I end up isolates and live with the loneliness, my cat is the only one thing i can trust than a human being to share my feelings and break it down in return -me

I'm about to hit 30 this year and for the past 6 months I've been thinking that I might be on the spectrum, been researching it and listening to people, and well, the story in this video is eerily familiar to a traumatic moment in my own life. I think it's time I figure this out, thanks for this video.

I greatly enjoy and respect your insight and honesty talking about autism and the different aspects of it. I do want to say, however that people that will lie and take advantage of you will do the same to others. Yes, of course you can more vulnerable, but I really think that bad people are just that, bad people. In life it's easy to get caught up in one's own shortcomings, but I believe there is merit in the realization that suffering truly is universal. What I mean is that we shouldn't feel the need to be defined by our suffering, but what we make of it. I see you as a compassionate human being, and it would be unfair of me to judge another person by their circumstances. It's a shame that more people don't always try and accept each other, but even then we all know no person is without suffering. Thanks again for everything Max

Thank you for sharing this, Max. It takes a lot of courage to say these things and to admit these things to such a large audience but you did that! And now that I've heard of this? Well, I'm really glad I'm not alone. Your videos help me understand myself and also my friends and you've taught me a lot! So thank you. The reminder at the end of the video really helped as well. Thank you again.

I went through something almost precisely like this. I had a relationship like this in highschool that went a very similar way. I won’t go into extreme detail, but the end of it was that she was leading on multiple other guys, and she was telling friends and others that I was manipulative and a stalker, when the reality was that she was constantly trailing me on, promising me things and leaving me notes and messages to reaffirm my desperate loyalty. And when it finally came undone, I was a broken, malfunctioning mess. The really sad thing was that she was sleeping with several of the people she was telling these things to, so of course why wouldn’t they believe her? If there is anything I can say about these sorts of situations, it’s that if you go through it as someone within the spectrum, it’s not the end of the world. You will make it, and there are people who will treat you better, and even recognize the kind of harm that others have done to you in such situations.

it really hurts hearing all this man, it really makes me think back to when i would think " theres no way that would happen its not logical, life is like a video game and things happen for set reasons they have to. it has to be my fault this is happening because of my poor communication skills." i had so many nights crying thinking i was a monster or a freak that just could not fit in any where. ive gone through so many people that i tried tooth and nail to hang onto but it never lasts. i recently had to finally give up on my friend group of almost 11 years because I get upset easily and exploited or worse ignored. Thank you for this video i dont feel so alone now. Fantastic video.

Hi Max, this video really struck a chord with my heart unlike any other video I have seen (and I am on Yt quite a bit). I recently got out of a relationship that perhaps has similar undertones to the one you described here. I lost so many friends that my partner deemed “unfit” for me and I acted unkindly and immaturely in ways that I never imagined possible for myself. For me I feel the shame that I was so naive and so kind to let someone control my identity. And I now only feel how long it will take me to heal - and thats ok, I have accepted that. Anyways, I just wanted to say how comforted I was sitting here alone in my apartment and listening to your voice and allowing us - your viewers - to help you carry a bit of your experience. I am truly moved - and I hope you have a great rest of your day.

The last few sentences really resonated with me and I appreciate it, Max.

While she wasn’t a liar, I did experience a similar thing with someone I cared about deeply. I was always available to her, we talked everyday, and I eventually fell for her, hard. She was my best friend, and I trusted her more than anyone else in my life. She had a lot of issues with her dad, and I tried to talk and consol her. When she had issues with her roommate I was there. I did want more with her, but I was perfectly fine being just friends. We went on a date, and I pushed too hard after. She started distancing herself, and she started acting like I was being an asshole when I would joke with her. I eventually got so hurt I snapped, I told her I didn’t think she cared about me, and I blocked our friends and left the discord servers we were in together, (discord was how we talked.) she freaked and wanted to talk, but I was so overwhelmed I hinted at suicide. when I eventually calmed down I apologized and wanted to talk to her, but she said that it wasn’t a good time. I unblocked all of my friends, and apologized to all of them only to find out she blocked me. I couldn’t find out why, so I eventually convinced one of our mutual friends to get her to email me. I apologized about what I had said but said I still felt that I had a point, she said I was trying to manipulate her into dating me, and trying to tear her down. I denied it, and she told me never to talk to her again. 5 months later, and I’ve reconnected to some of my friends from that group, and I’m slowly putting myself back together. I’m sorry for how long this is, and to everyone who reads it, thank you.

As always, thanks for a thoughtful and relatable video Max.

This reminds me of a similar situation, but I was too afraid burst out in anger. We dated for a while, but she was an awful person, would use my poor communication skills as a reason to blow up at me and always end up hating myself for it. And when I did fight back (a little) she literally got a lot of her “girlfriends” and told them that I was out of line, I was harassed and bullied by them, even slapped. I thought if I say anything, I would just make it worse. Eventually it all died down and they left me alone (for the most part). But The gaslighting and the abuse is something I will never forget.

Vengeance is a form of weakness, at least if more than the bare level of force necessary is used. But your conscience has come through, and your telling of this story shows the actual strength that comes with a solid conscience. A certain level of guilt is necessary to correct your behaviour, but so it taking a step back from it once the lesson has been learned. Thank you for sharing your story, so that others may learn from the mistakes you made.

I truly, cannot, commend you enough for this video. As someone with Aspergers, I related to EVERYTHING in this video. I had to pause midway through from feeling almost overwhelmed and on the verge of tears. For the past year and a half now I've been on my own journey of self-reflection, discovery, and growth and I feel I've come a long way from who I once was. But it does so, so much for me to hear someone else talk about these feelings. Feelings that I've felt so strongly. I got here from one of your excellent 'Most Profound Videos' but this, this is something else for me. You've made my future feel much brighter and achievable. Thank you so much and I can't wait to see your next video. (I can even relate to your gameplay! I played a ton of SWAT back in the day, nice moves!)

I've been watching your videos for a while. I have no official diagnosis but I have a mountain of personal evidence that mirrors all of your testimony. This, and several of your videos have helped me understand personal pain I've had for years and I honestly lost it on this video. I love you; because if I didn't I could never love myself. Your content really does help others and I hope you remind yourself every fucking day.

I'm going to teach my kids to never put up with these kinds of games and leave a relationship once their SO starts playing them.

Hey man, thanks for this video. I hardly comment on anything but I was in a relationship with a girl like the one you mentioned four years ago, 2 year long relationship, she didnt cheat on me or anything but did other things id rather not go into in detail about because tldr. Anyways she threw me out on the streets in the middle of a meltdown, and honestly, even being in a new happy relationship, I still feel a bit broken inside since that day, it sucks how those moments define you

This is something I have found makes it difficult to develop deep, emotionally intimate relationships with people. I can't trust that people really understand me, and with the interactions I have had with neurotypical people where they play mind games or are not straight forward or - even worse - are combative and know how to talk you into a corner, I find it much more safe to just assume that people do not have your best intentions at heart and to be always ready for people to leave. It's a double edged sword: I can now be in relationships with people where I anticipate them leaving and when they do it isn't painful, but I have yet to develop any bonds with people where I feel as though they will stick around long term. This makes me worry about any romantic endeavors I wish to pursue, yet I know that I would rather be single for the rest of my life than be with someone who engages in subterfuge and trickery in communication.

Thank you for sharing this.

The logical view of social life. Ur relationship at the end. I found out my wife at the time was with another guy . I found out through a post. 1 out of 3 docs thought i was autistic but tests are weird for me because its hard to know whats really me and what my brain thinks i should answer. I tried to let it flow naturally but im adhd and rush through test My ex did the same with my sister and my best friend

When I've asked are you lying more times than I can count and you say no and turns out you were...theres no recovering quickly or getting over it. I feel that scar every second of every day. Thanks Jackie.

Thank you for being honest and sharing this part of your life Max. It made me think and I feel...better. Thank you. I will remember your words

I love the "Austism and" series

damn, watching this makes me realize how jaded and angry I am at the world. I've become extremely hostile to people, and now I got myself in a position where I can't make any normal relationships due to that ingrained mistrust of everyone.

It's almost uncanny how similar my experiences are to yours (and other aspies).

Hey max, hope you're doing good, and btw nice analysis. While I listened your voice it reminded me of your work on guilt and of the "paladin code". I wish to ask would you do some analysis about autism and music? Music was the thing that helped my the most in my social life because I play drums and learning the musical language and behaviour of other musicians helped me vastly to understand neurotypicals and get to feel equal with some of them... Cheers ☺️

8:30 I consider betraying someone when you basically literally are so close and know each other so well is suicide, because all you do is to provoke someone who knows every single weakness and drag you in the pit of despair you have left them.

Thanks the video. I appreciate the topic

You just described my 1st ex and almost all of my hometown. I'm sorry you went thru this.

I know is a difficult process and touchy topic. But i wish to know how an adult can be diagnostic with autism spectrum disorders, attention deficit or any other mental illness because a lot of viewers don't know to whom consult or what test take. Specialiy to avoid frauds and scamers

Out of all of your videos, this is the one i appreciate the most. Lo and behold, you are right, i have had a mind-bogglingly similar experience, and yes, this video has helped massively with me finally getting closure on it. I may as well lay out what happened. I began working as a customer service assistant in one of my nearby supermarkets, on checkouts, and so as you can imagine, i was riddled with immense stress, anxiety attacks, and at the time, had not being diagnosed with autism. however, i met someone, or rather i got to know someone - id already very vaguely known them from my year in school - who worked with me on one of the shifts i did, and who i spent my main training day with. naturally, we became good friends rather quickly. we were both artistic, creative, had an immense passion for film, and were in the same English A level class. naturally, i began to develop an incredibly strong crush on her - bear in mind, i had never fallen in love with anyone before in my life, or came close to a relationship. however, she also had an abusive household, her dad was overbearing and prone to fits of rage. hence, she was quiet, timid, and rather avoidant. as awkward as i was, i tried my best to be her friend, and naturally i was also nervous around her due to my feelings. eventually, i asked her out and.... she gave me the dreaded "maybe" and never got back to me on the issue, t least not for a very long time, and never conceretely (we were friends for about a year), leaving me in limbo, which by the way is the WORST POSSIBLE OUTCOME for such a thing. this only made me more anxious, however we continued to be friends, but the lack of certainty meant my feelings and hopes grew only stronger. we began to hang out more in free periods in school, and it looked like our friendship was going good, either that, or i was due to my autism, oblivious to how much of a weirdo i was being. in retrospect, i was almost always the one starting the conversation. before i continue, it is also worth pointing out that having her with me on my shift during work, made the immense stress, anxiety, misery and discomfort that was my job, worth continuing, despite trying to also juggle a-levels. getting to see her was the one thing that motivated me to continue working. anyway, lockdown and covid happened. it was fine at first, we began to talk on whatsapp. before that wed mainly trade emails, and me being the socially inept buffoon i am - and i do this with everyone - i would always write far, far too much. but sooner or later, she would respond. until eventually she stopped. she ghosted me. one day she sent me loads of texts about just casual life stuff, i replied, and she was inexplicably absent. it was like that for a month. i got increasingly petrified i had said something wrong. so, since i had recently made twitter to try it out for the first time and see if it was that godawful - it is - i decided to use it to find her on there, since i knew she had twitter. her name was rather an unconventional spelling, plus i knew she was a kpop stan - which shouldve been a red flag really. this, in my opinion, was a massive mistake. my logic was a the time, it was a public platform, anyone would find anyone, there is nothing wrong with it. and my soul was twisting and turning, craving answers for her disappearance. in the month that she had gone, id continued to message her and keep her up to date with stuff like normal, assuming shed eventually read it. that was also a mistake. within 2 minutes of searching for her, i found her on twitter. i was anxious so i couldnt be certain, so i simply asked if it was her. she responded by saying it wasnt her, and that i was a creep for gonig to such "lengths" to find someone, and then she blocked me. that was when i flew into the autistic rage. rage, more than anything, at the lack of clarity. i had no idea what was going on. i went to my friends, to my mum, they couldnt explain it. and so i made it worse. i made another account, and messaged her again. but before i did, i scrolled through her twitter, and what would you know? i saw her posting her art piece she showed me at school. i completely lost control. i never insulted her, or got angry at her, but i completely broke down in sadness. i begged for answers and explained how wretched and confused i felt. i got so caught up in my own whirlwind, i decided to give her a message as if it was the last time id ever speak to her - i assumed shed block me again. in it, i talked about how, in order to deal with abuse, you must confront your demons so to speak, and not run away. stupid philosophical stuff id say to all my friends. this was also a mistake. i also tried phoning her, to no avail. she got back to me, and her explanation was that she simply deleted whatsapp because she had no phone space - and didnt think to tell me apparently through email or anything, and said she needed emotional space, which again she didnt tell me. she then said she saw that she had like 100 notifications from me on whatsapp, and she thought id been harrassing her - in actual fact, they were just 100 normal casual messages, typing in bullet point messages, and not paragraphs, so the notifications were alot more than the actual content. she called me a stalker and a creep, and tried to get her friend to message me, only for her friend to block me before i could reply. she claimed my whole advice in terms of abuse was a way to accuse her of becoming an abuser out of an attempt to get attention, or out of spite. she also argued that her dad - the one she hated and who abused her - told her not to talk to me, and she was relying on him for advice. and that was that, she blocked me again. what i realised through scrolling through her twitter however, was that she was a very different person to who she presented herself as to me. for example, all her friends were kpop stans, and while she told me she wasnt looking for a relationship right now, she was openly flirting with people, at least one person, on twitter. regardless, i was traumatised. i couldnt eat, i felt heartbroken, i was a total manic mess. i blamed myself and completely hated myself, i started getting counselling with childline to try and fix what i thought was wrong with me. i still had her email, so i emailed her multiple apology letters. i never insulted her, i never got mad at her. maybe i breached her privacy, i wrote too much, i got too intense. or maybe me and my autism was too much for her. or maybe she only cared for me because i always praised her and it made her feel good. or maybe she was just avoidant, maybe it was her dad pulling strings. regardless, i will never understand why - when confronted with an irl friend asking about your wellbeing who is clearly concerned - you respond by lying about who you are and calling them a creep. maybe thats what she always thought of me, but in which case, why did she decide to not make that clear, instead of pretend to be my friend? nevertheless, it has haunted me through lockdown, and the fact that there has been no new people to meet or interact with irl, i drifted away from other friends, and the only new friends i made were through discord - interacting through social media would always remind me of this trauma - it made it incredibly difficult to move on from the event and grieve naturally. even if i wanted to get on with my life, i couldnt. all i had tried to do was be honest with my feelings, be a good friend, and try to find her on twitter to see if she was ok. i had never felt so betrayed in my life. for months and months i beat myself up trying to wrap my head around it, figure out what i did wrong - and i still believe i did plenty wrong - but id always go in circles. at the end of the day, i think i can only move on when i initiate new relationships, and move on with my life. so long as i am stuck in lockdown in this limbo, its always going to be with me. however, having this community, both on here and discord, and connecting with and hearing from other autistic, and more importantly honest and caring people, has helped more than anything else, arguably more even than getting officially diagnosed. i dont know how i could have coped otherwise. and, i suppose, in the case of lockdown, maybe it just exposed who the real friends are, so in that sense im glad. better to suffer in reality than live lavishly in a lie.

Great video. Thank you for sharing.

Experiences like your is the reason why I distrust most people. I've never been taken advantage of as far as I can remember but I'm scared of the possibility that it would happened to me which is why I isolate myself from people. The closest thing I can think of was in high school where some students knew how different and awkward I was and made me do and say some embarrassing things for their amusement. It was never anything too serious but its painful to remember in retrospect.

💚💚💚 thank you for making these videos

I've been there several times, in a way I'm there now, no public meltdown at the moment though, can't move on since the last incident involved my coworkers.

Honestly, I went through something simular. Although for me, it was one heartbreak after the other. Come to think of it, I think it's to do with my Autism.

I can understand how absolutely confusing that irrational behavior is. There is a certain percentage among us who are prone to unnecessary drama and lies and affairs just to "spice" things up. I noticed that this is not something which goes away with age. You had very bad luck knowing such a person. I always were a loner because at the slightest red flag I just cut all communication, in fear of being with a partner who could be toxic in some way. I met my wife when I was 30, and we married 2 years later. She has been a blessing and made me forget everything negative. I do not know if I am autistic, but I can relate to what you were saying about giving it all to a partner because you are so grateful. Love your videos Max!

Thanks men really do appreciated it consider i know some people who have Autism

and your commentary about games and movies are sooo gooood btw!!!

I've had this exact experience. Thanks for this video 👍

Senior year of hs i was living with my girlfriend at the time who turned out to be, accordibg for my psychiatrist, a psychopath. As someone near-neurotypical but still firmly on the spectrum, i dismissed it and assumed i could "fix" her. She proceeded to, over the course of the year, sleep with 2 other men that i know of, 2nd one she was in a relationship with behind my back (he and i actually became friends after i graduated cause we both had our own abuse stories as a result of her that were sadly similar) she catfished his best friend into coming home from the national guard academy too. She was emotionally, physically, and verbally abusive every day of the my time eith her. Stole 2k from my mom through forged checks, then on the night she was kicked out of my dads house for attacking me, hitchhiked to my hs best friend's house, broke in through her basement window, and hid until my friend came home. She was arrested and that was the last time i saw her. Im still dealing with the trauma of this today now 10 years later. I have a family and a woman whos understanding, loving and caring but i have to watch my emotions from time to time as certain actions can trigger a memory that makes me feel like i have to go on the defense. The only good to come out of that relationship is that i A. Can recognize a carfish from a lightyear away, and B. Ive learned how to psychoanalyze people who tell me anything and determine if they're lying or not along with trusting my gut. I consider myself an anomaly tho, especially because it was sadly learned via a "trial by fire" in a way.

Thank you man. This makes me feel way less crazy about something similar that happened to me.

Sucks that it happened, dude, but I always love when people come out stronger from a hard time. Kudos

Im going through this in a way currently. Two people in my life who I too easily end up trusting again have been showing their real faces and I know that the only way out is to separate myself otherwise I'll end up leaving myself vulnerable to them

It always irritates me when people accuse me of things I either didn't do, didn't say, or don't believe in. I usually try to assume that it's their genuine perception, as in that from their stand point it seemed true even if it's not. I've usually learned to ask followup questions, and sometimes that works since they turned out to be genuine and open enough to tell me. Most times though they don't. In these situations I try my best to give them credit of potentially being uncomfortable talking, unless I can think of a reason they would have ulterior motives. At that point I leave it alone usually. This doesn't always help, but it does help in some cases. If it doesn't help and they continue to actively spread misinformation, then what can I do? Is there any better alternatives people can propose?

I'm sorry you experienced this. I was recently diagnosed and had the displeasure of experiencing this exact scenario, except with much greater vilification and consequences. A female liar and abuser ruined my life and got to pretend she was the victim. They will eventually learn that the scales will always balance if you make them.

love u max

Been watching these videos and I feel.. the smallest bit of worth for once. I’ve been going through so much shit, especially as of late.. I may only be 17 but everything seems so so hard and so hopeless. I’m unable to even do the most simple chores and I feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders. I get so much shit and treated so poorly by some people and I just tell myself I’m taking this so others don’t have to in the hopes I feel slightly better. I always feel attacked and targeted and I feel as if even if I try 110% I’m never good enough. I try my best for everyone and I feel like I get nothing in return. I do have friends but no one makes an effort to message me it feels.. I feel so lonely it’s actually so unbearable at times. Idk what I’m doing or anything. I am hoping everything gets better but it hasn’t. Everything you’ve said in these videos like perfectly describe how I am or how I feel and it just sucks so fucking much how I feel like no one I talk to understands me. I always try my best to describe how I feel and how I am even tho it’s so so hard. Even when I do I feel like it’s still not EXACTLY how I feel as my emotions are impossible to put into words. I sometimes wish people could just like look into my mind for 5 minutes so they understood the pain of everything I feel but I also don’t ever wish these feelings on my worse enemies... I just want friends and people who understand and who I know genuinely love and care about me and who will always be here for me and make an effort to be the best friend they can to me... I want to not feel so lonely and sad and depressed for once

I don't have autism, but I went through something similar. Long story short, one of these girls I had been long-time friends with possessed a variety of serious mental health issues. I ignored them out of mercy, and because I could tell she was trying her best to be a good person. However, she would later go on to wreak unimaginable havoc on my life. She infested my circle of otaku/ "gamer" friends from my college days like a parasite, told all sorts of lies about me, and completely ostracized me from it. Not only that, but I also came to believe she was sleeping with a long-time friend of mine; a person that I had, until then, thought of like a brother. This caused me so much grief that my relationship with my beloved then-girlfriend would completely break down over the course of a year or so. There is so much more to this story than that, but absolutely none of it is appropriate for a KZfaq comment, and nobody would believe it anyway. Besides that, I understand the futility built into the fact I'm posting on an obscure, month-old video. I may as well be pissing words into the void. The unfortunate lesson I took away from this experience was "Do not make friends with men that can be easily influenced by women or charismatic liars." At the time, the circle involved was comprised of men who were probably struggling, in their own respective ways, with some type of major neurological issue(s) or personality disorder(s), and a general lack of female companionship throughout their lives. They were all high-functioning individuals on the surface, so I never suspected that it might be bad of me to associate with them. I had thought of them as ordinary people who shared my interests. In retrospect, however, they were more like a handful of caterpillars... Ripe to be consumed by a parasitic wasp, such as the one I introduced them to. Another painful lesson: "Treat women that self-proclaim to have personality disorders like lepers. Do not let them anywhere near your life, or your friends. These people are like friendly lycanthropes, waiting for a full moon to occur." Since then, I have pretty much culled all male "otaku" and "gamer" identitarians out of my life, barring a few choice exceptions. Those "exceptions" are all of excellent quality; they are honorable, mentally-sound men, to whom I would trust my very life-- they put the "t" in "loyalty." This was a painful admission for me to make, but it is simply too big of a risk to have a large, yet intimate circle of friends who identify as either of those things. It's unfortunate, but it's simply the truth that people who share our interests are more likely than not to be mentally-compromised in some significant way. As you suggested yourself: When a person's mental faculties are compromised, their virtue is also compromised. Thus, mentally-compromised men are the ideal prey for charismatic, female liars. A digital security expert would call these people a "backdoor." A military man would call them "landmines." Why would I ever want to surround myself with landmines? I wouldn't, so I don't. None of my other friends share in my interests with me. Most of them don't even know I watch anime (or care.) They are "Chads." Naturally, I no longer make casual friendships with the opposite sex, either-- *they are for dating only.* My current girlfriend is both an otaku and a gamer, but she's uncharacteristically virtuous and of unreasonably sound mind for someone with our interests. I'm truly blessed to have her in my life; our finding each other was probably a one-in-six-million chance. For all the reasons I just mentioned, if I didn't know you so well, Max, I would probably keep you beyond an arm's length in real life. But, because you've been through it too, I would so love if we could be friends. Of course, it's impossible to build friendships over the comments section, and I'm sure you must think of me as being ruthless after reading what I've written. I wouldn't disagree with that assumption, either. _It's far better to be ruthless, than to be consumed._ In any case, I wanted to share my thoughts with you. We've both been down the path of betrayal, yet seem to have taken different forks. The destination I arrived at was a fortress. I can't help but wonder... Where did you end up?

I hope you see this. Max, if this is the worst thing you've ever done.... you are clearly a Saint. Compared to what I've done when I've been triggered similarly. It pains me that this has eaten away at you. This truly speaks to what an upstanding gentleman you really are. Great video, I'm here for you!

I've had a lot of problems with liars in my early childhood. I identify with much of what you described and even have some similar stories to what you shared. Though I eventually grew really distrusting of people and this had other consequences. The line between being naive and distrustful is really thin for people within the spectrum. Thanks for doing this video.

“Have to trust someone to be betrayed. I never did.” - Cpt. Price, MW2.

Thank you for being courageous and sharing this. This helps give more insight to how autistic people feel in social situations, which is useful because I sometimes have to work with neurotypical students. I will say quickly that based on the story, I doubt you did anything wrong initially at all. The girl was likely already talking to the guy, which is why she ghosted you. Like you say, the best solution to dealing with flaky people is to simply excommunicate them however close they seemed to be with you. Their actions will always speak louder than their words.

Your story bring a huge headache to me because I feel like I have done that same thing so many times.. I remember I could never get a girlfriend do to me being too clinging and causing people to run away but this one time I met someone who also ignored me and I remember having a self-harm response.. at least I ignored her for good but I can relate with your story.. even if it hits too close to home!

Wishing you well Max

Yeah , it helps bro, thank you for the lovely sharing . You should really do more of these talks .. :) Wubba Lubba Dub-Dub !

I went through something vaguely similar several years ago. Luckily (or unluckily, depending on your view) I internalized most of the the pain. It got pretty bad for several months, but after maybe about a year I was able to move on for the most part. I still won't talk about what happened to any of my friends or family. Weirdly enough though I'm almost a little glad that it happened, as it put me in a direction where I was able to take greater control of my life to such extent that most people are shocked when they hear of my ASD. It entirely altered the trajectory of my life for the better. With time I've been able to forgive because of this, but I still don't know if I can ever trust like that again. Anyway, thanks for these videos. I always find them insightful and interesting.

Nice to hear you have such nice understanding sister.

I have a similar story. Not with a liar per say but someone who betrayed me. I once posted something semi political on my Instagram page, and someone who I had been friends with for many years, had no bad blood or ever had any problems with, just blasted me, on social media for everyone to see. She called me homophobic, she called me dumb, just a bunch of mean things. I have no idea why she did that, she was such a nice friend in person but somehow I set her right off. Then she messaged my sister on Snapchat to tell her to tell me to stop being a homophobic person. Luckily my sister set her straight and told her basically “she’s not a homophobe. She doesn’t deserve for you to berate her like that”. But I never got an apology for that whole drama or anything, I was just expected to forgive everything which I know is technically the right thing to do but it felt really scummy that she did that when if I had done the same thing, I would have felt super guilty, I would have apologized, I would have taken down everything I said, etc. But not her.

Right in the feels for today. Good times.

I hugged a friend once while leaving a sleepover. She told everyone I sexually assaulted her and turned everyone against me. I had spent the previous year getting used I guess because I bought her stuff all the time.

Dude, I don't have any degree of autism, but what you are telling, it was my story for the last two years, and two more years of relationship. I went through a deep depression and even today I still try to isolate myself. She did the same damn thing, she ignored me and started hanging out with other people and having relationships with anyone she crossed, until this day she still doesn't give a damn and threw all my things away, stay away from these "beauty devils" they look naive and innocent and they just destroy you totally, I really feel you Max, it really helps knowing that someone shares the same experience and opinion, because I was looked down and pointed at even by my closest friends, I felt the most miserable and lonely person in this whole world.

I once tried to lead a rebellion in 1st grade against the teachers. The entire lunch room ended up laughing at me instead. This harsh lesson on how leadership worked was how I managed to avoid the problems listed here. Because I knew being right and being listened to were very different things. I mean look at climate change and how we deal with that.

This has happened to me too many times. Mine isn't that heavy though and typically I let it out with exercise so i guess that's kinda positive.

I know that this isn't necessarily autistic-specific and is more of a general or broad thing, but I heard that the best revenge is living the life, or your life better than your tormentor, or opponent. This way, no harm can be done, and it would be hard or less probable to be viewed as a 'monster' or 'tribal warrior', as Max says in the video. Of course, this is easier said than done, but is possible. Anyway, great and informative video, Max. We need more videos like this on KZfaq. I'm eternally grateful that people like Max and many more, exist and are able to despite hardship, ostracism, personal parental issues like abuse, and so on and so forth. As always, let's stay yellow! For anyone wondering, I don't think I am autistic myself, but experiences of betrayal, lying, and general confusion, or stupidity has affected my life and I'm sure many of you since childhood and for me, that would be since middle grade school, so I can empathize or at least sympathize with others plights. All of us neuroatypical people, you, we, are not alone. For reference, I have OCD and suspected ADHD. I also have what is called Responsibility OCD, which is a relatively nascent term used. Anyway, great and informative video, Max.

Thank you for this. I dont know if I'm autistic (I might be) but I had a similar situation with a girl. I need to move on.

Nothing "bad" you did as a teenager matters because you didn't/couldn't know better, and experience is only gained by experience. As long as you have learned something and did not get resentful in the process, you won!

sup dude I don't think every story needs two sides, but in time you'll learn that woman sometimes do shit without logical reason. they're not logical creatures, they'll break your heart and you've got to be the better man when that kind of shit happens. Don't think about what they did, and learn to forgive yourself for your agressive reaction, being able to talk about this to nearly 200k subs just shows how much you've grown, right? much love from brasil, from your neurotypical friend

I really dislike people that do things like that. Manipulative people are the worst especially when you lash out in confusion or hate because of them then are made to be evil or crazy. It's really hard to keep a clear head in some of those situations especially when you can't make sense of things.

This fucking hurts to hear... I've been at the mercy of liars many times.

I think I can relate to the whole charismatic liar biz because I got influenced into a cult once, which now I am trying to actively criticize the cult leader so more harm won’t be done. Though I feel as though people won’t believe me because the guy I am criticizing is more charismatic than me or something like that

vampire: the masquerade taught me a good degree of how slimeball socialising works. coupled with jungian ideas and accompanying eldritch logic, you might be able to communicate in and see the essence in their words. demeanor is another thing to practice but at least being able to see the how fake the fuckers are, it's much easier to navigate around them.

I am in a bit of a shock right now. I don't have a diagnosis yet, but I've been suspecting being on the spectrum for a few years now. And yet again, completely out fo the blue to me, there is a story that sounds so much like something I have experienced. Not love related, but friendship. I lost a whole group of friends because of what happened between me and one person. A person I had thought to be one of my best friends for more than 15 years. It's been 5 years now and it still hurts, because I still don't fully understand. Especially since I've been a pretty distrusting person from my childhood on, thanks to a lying and cheating father. So her behaviour and the reaction of our "friends" hit me especially hard.

Doctor once suggested I have autism late into my teen years and the circumstances of my life then made me refuse to believe it. I still refuse to. However I can't deny my behavior tends to fall in line a lot with autism and I still can't figure out what the hell it is. Granted though, I've had such experiences where I was in a toxic friendship for 3 years and the guy started a cult with it. Can't say that he himself wasn't mentally stable or sound but the experience left scars in me that I find hard to recover from. Thanks for the video. Made me think a bit more about my life situation.