Not to mention that you don't owe any family member anything... The story had my blood boiling, especially at the 'they don't want kids' part. Why would they have to pay her wedding though...how rude, I would cut that sibling out.

Exactly! The pressure, the hours and the debt from being a medical student is no way offset by the earnings until they hit the level of consultant at least. I know many juniors and not a single one earns what they deserve 💙

I totally believe you. But let’s pretend that he was actually having the money available, the @sshole bride isn’t entitled to any of it. If you don’t have the money for a grand wedding than don’t have a grand wedding.

medical worker right here!!! YOU'RE SOOO RIGHT! PPL HAVE NO CLUE! YOU HAVE TO BE AN INTERN FOR 2 YEARS, SOMETIMES MORE DEPENDING ON WHAT YOU GET INTO...EXP: SPECIALTY. LITERALLY, YOU GET NOOOOOO SLEEP! THEN THERE'S RESIDENCY, THEN THERE'S ATTENDING... IT TAKES YEARS TO ESTABLISH PEOPLE!!!

The audacity of this girl! It's her wedding, no one's required to give her any money for anything. If she doesn't have the money, she should plan a smaller wedding, that's it

The hormonal drop is real. I had the same. The mom really should have called and spoke to her friend earlier about it since she was avoiding getting together for the flower girl rehearsal. You would think that the bride would have seen some red flags going up when the practice never happened. It is a sad situation on both ends due to miscommunication and an unexpected loss of a baby.

I was looking for a comment like this. We don't know the whole story, and seems like the part of her losing a child went over everyone's head. I am not a mother yet, so I can't say that I understand, but I feel like everyone was too harsh on her. Losing a child and the fear of losing another must be too overwhelming, so I really believe her family should've been more understanding and find a balanced solution for that :(

Exactly. Is it rational? No. Is it understandable and did it probably ease her anxiety? Yes.

Yes. Her anxiety/mental illness stemmed from her miscarriage hence the experience/fear of losing a child was extended to her daughter, obviously not to husband. I don't know why that was hard to realize for some people even Charlotte, or did she immediately forgot about that detail?

I was looking for this. Miscarriage equals paranoia about your kid’s safety. Not rational or healthy but if you haven’t lost a baby you don’t understand how closely you hold your kids. Not getting how they correlate just shows not understanding what that loss feels like. Not what I would do, but I understand.

EXACTLY.

The sister who wants 20k is absurd. She wants to have kids and get married lavishly and dont want to save money and then she obliging his brother to give away 20k. She wants to have sex without thinking of responsibilities in life at an early age get married, can't wait ruin her life more. Why not be responsible instead huh???

Yes......agree.

Right….

forget the cost of things - it's just mean

We did not smash cake. My husband did dot frosting on my nose and kiss it off, and I thought, and still think, that was adorable. No makeup or dress was ruined as a result. And it was not a glob of frosting, it was a dot, and a kiss, and it was cute. No cake smash. It’s not cute. You’re not funny. You’re showing me how much contempt you have for your new spouse, though.

@@katefarr2036 that's such a cute gesture 😍

I just recently found out about this and couldn't believe people actually do it, is childish and ruins everything.

@@jessislistless 23 years, still going strong!

👍

EXACTLY!

But on the other hand, the woman who lost her house to a hurricane, and was six months pregnant, and whose wedding planner stole all of her wedding money. I think that people would crowd fund that situation. Yes?

@@cadiza315 no it sounded like a pity rant to me.

@@cadiza315 how do we know any of that sob story is actually true, though?

😂😂😂😂😂😂

Perfect solution. Just like serving only signature cocktails at receptions, have signature coffees, and a plain option.

YES! I have catered many events with drink tickets, not dry but still. We almost always have limits, mostly no mixed drinks or shots on the ticket. Honestly, only people in the industry will not limit the ticket options.

Or too bad!

Yeah, or live a little *less* comfortably and then it will only take a year or two. Haha

Plenty of people have managed without having dream weddings. The damn things have gotten out of control anyway. Most weddings in the 1940s, for example, were simple affairs with close family, and more of those marriages lasted than they do nowadays.

THIS!

or you know, just have a wedding instead of your "dream" wedding. I was surprised at the brother's generosity by offering her 5000 and then she asks for FOUR TIMES that much?!

We opted for a small wedding of about 35 guests and served them soup + a basic cake. Everyone said they had a great time.:) We didn't have any special program, just eating and dancing and being together. I can't understand why people need to make it so complicated? Also I only wore a suit, which I was able to use in my life.

judy macdonald - Exactly. My husband's friends were married around the same time we were. We saved and paid cash for ours and they borrowed heavily and spent more. They were divorced before it was paid for.

I think ‘dream’ weddings are so ridiculous. I’d much rather see the bride & groom put that 25-100,000 dollars towards a down payment on a house. Spending that kind of money on a wedding that has a 65% chance (at best) of not even lasting 5 years is simply insane, particularly if they have to get a bunch of friends/family to fund it. It’s like, “Hmmmm, live rent-free for 4-10 years, or have months of intense stress for one day of getting to be the focus of everyone’s attention?” Is this really something a couple would need to consider??

Oh, such decadence and waste of money!!!! Do you realise how quickly new babies lose their value??? GF and I were content with a _used_ baby - one or two dings early on but they buffed out. ;-)

@@immortalsofar5314 😂😜

Absolutely 💯 my commet exactly

Exactly, she's blaming her brother for her stupid decisions in the past that affects her current financial situation.

I also just... She basically wanted the entire cost of an average wedding. Weddings can be lovely without having to cost that much!

I agree that she shouldn't demand money for her wedding, but as a naive sheltered 19 yrs old who did get pregnant and was forced to keep our son AND marry his father with in 2 months, (25 yrs ago) you assume abit much about choice. I don't regret our shotgun wedding, and keeping our son. I do admit that I hated our wedding for lots of reasons, but most of the people involved never knew and still don't. I was thankful for their effort and never complained. I do love my husband. We'll be married 25 yrs on March 28, 3 days after our oldest son's wedding to an amazing girl and we are absolutely thrilled. (Not a shotgun wedding)

Golden child meets reality.

Yes but she should get professional help instead. She can't expect her daughter in her sight 24/7.

We all get that. Still what she done is plain WRONG

Same.

Cool, common sense! It's a rare thing these days but it solves many problems.

Or work out a list of drinks with the vendor they could redeem with a ticket? Other menu items would be available for purchase.

It sounds like they're assuming the first drinks would be too expensive but honestly they're forgetting that a lot of people don't drink coffee at all and would probably get something cheap with their ticket like hot chocolate or tea, so it would probably balance out the people who want the works. XD

She wanted to put a limit on that first drink though… that was her issue.

I’ve been to a wedding - probably the most fun wedding I’ve ever gone to - where the food was three different food trucks paid cash (each item like $8) and the couple ordered a few kegs plus a dozen or so bottles of wine and we all brought a bottle of wine or liquor. The couple were young artists in Brooklyn. They did the lights and flowers themselves. Dress was semi formal. A friend was the dj and a friends band played as well. Great party.

Yes, thank you. I had a miscarriage before each of my children and let me tell you, the anxiety is REAL. I had horrible anxiety during my pregnancy where I would freak out at every little feeling and then I had horrible PPA afterwards. Especially with my second son because he ended up in the NICU for two months. I still suffer PPA and freak out at every little thing. Like he has a cold right now but is eating and acting normal. My husband convinced me he did not need the ER, just call the Pedi. Pedi confirmed I was being dramatic

​@amy-leacoopertwiggyvonlea8969 no, it said she hadn't had the miscarriage at the time she was ASKED for her daughter to be the flower girl, when she said yes. The miscarriage happened in between her saying yes and the wedding happening, so it had indeed happened by the time her daughter was supposed to be the flower girl

Hell, after any death, there's anxiety about losing your loved ones. My family is still dealing with it after my mom passed coming on two years ago. We're always checking in with each other and telling each other to be safe and take care of ourselves. Loss of a loved one makes you acutely aware of your and the rest of your loved one's mortality. It doesn't some weird shit to the brain. And to add for the OP, she also has a shit load of hormones booming through her body and causing even more stress and issues. Not impressed on Charlotte's take with that one. Anybody with any sense of empathy would realize why she doesn't want to be separated from her child after losing one. It's completely understandable to anybody who pays attention and actually takes what they're reading in to account.

I've never had a miscarriage so I don't think I can understand that degree of separation anxiety, but I do have a small degree of separation anxiety when it comes to my significant other, and that's from almost all my past relationships blowing up in my face and them blaming me for it, so I've been constantly terrified I'd drive my current significant other away and after almost 3 years of us being together I'm just starting to break out of that fear

@@tabortoothtiger7580 exactly! one of the first times i disagree with her. like she JUST had a miscarage like of course she would be anxious letting her child out of her sight. her husband and so called friend are the real asshole. like how could you be so terrible to your wife when she just lost her baby? honestly she should leave that man. and for all those saying the child is missing out on a opportunity, she's a kid, most likey young, so i dont being a flower girl is going to leave that much of an impact on her life, if she even remembers it in the first place.

Weird that almost no one mentioned this and that people had more to say about “mental illness (anxiety)” than this child abuse

I went through the majority of the comments and this is literally the only one who has mentioned this video. I had to rewatch that part to make sure I saw it correctly. People are losing their minds in the comments over anxiety mom and post-partum anxiety mom and all that.......BUT THIS WOMAN HAS AN INFANT HANGING AROUND IN THE TRAIN OF HER DRESS!!! Can we please address these issues about child abuse as vehemently as we address anxiety or PPA?!? 😓😑😒

I didn't think the baby was there on purpose....I thought it was some weird mistake and the bride didn't notice. It never occurred to me that they'd put the baby there on purpose. So maybe that's why no one is talking about child abuse. I was about to go search the internet for some funny story about how the bride sat next to her baby niece or something and stood up and the baby was in the train

Came here to say this. The terror that comes with postpartum anxiety, especially after a miscarriage, can be debilitating! And the panic attack often comes with an illogical conviction that something might happen to your living child if they are not specifically with you. Therapy and a little understanding is absolutely needed and I do not believe she is the ahole in that situation.

Plus she just had a miscarriage! So many people on Reddit ignored that large factor.

And she’ll end up creating anxiety issues in the next generations of her family . She should get into counseling.

@@NixyRose72 In the meantime, she is instilling those same feelings in her daughter. I don't think it's okay to sequester your child away with you because YOU can't deal.

@Rachael Klein hence why I said therapy, understanding and guidance could be extremely helpful. Pointing fingers and casting blame really doesn't solve anything. Therapy, talking to friends, doing self exploration to try and figure the root of the fear and maybe learn how to work through it. Mom of 3 angel babies and 1 rainbow baby (he's 27😊) plus I was the recipient/victim/survivor (choose whatever word works for you) severe torture bullying, humiliation, other abuses, I'll spare the details and just say etc. When my beautiful amazing wonderful perfect rainbow baby boy clawed his way from my body into the terrifying surroundings and danger everywhere and everyone was a potential liability and could accidentally/unintentionally hurt my son. My world narrowed considerably and could really have messed him up. It took my mom and therapy and casual reminders to force myself to let him do his thing and keep him safe, but not locked down. It took so much effort to hold back. Sorry about the weird edits. Fell asleep while typing and, WOW... never a good idea lol

@grriot I completely agree with you! When I saw that you only have 5 likes 👍🏻 right now, I was shocked! I expected that you would have ~ 10K likes!

Agreed. My fiance and I are going to have a very small wedding, less than 30 people and it will be held either at my friend's home or my parents home. I thrifted my dress too, he's gonna hire a suit, my MOH bought hers online with coupons from a site she uses regularly. Got my shoes as a gift and my grandmother offered to help with decor if I need. I don't see the need to ask my family for money for a wedding that I'm deciding to have because it's not their responsibility at all, I don't even expect them to bring any gifts either. I will never understand how others can have that entitled mentality that because it's their wedding, their loved ones are obligated to give them anything or give them money.

Maybe she communicated it and people brushed it off. A lot of people don’t understand the pain of a miscarriage. The woman needs empathy, support and professional help. That’s it.

Also, anxiety doesn't necessarily follow any logical patterns, just like phobias. Sometimes there is no visible reason. She feels uncomfortable with the situation, that should be enough. People invalidating her feelings DOES NOT HELP.

@@Panbaneesha Thank you 🙏🏼

I agree I have had a miscarriage and suffered from postpartum depression after and thought that everyone was going to take my surviving children away and they were in danger. I know that it was an irrational thought now but at the time it was very very real. Also maybe Mom knows that the father was going to just get drunk with the rest of the wedding party and that no one would really be watching her daughter. And save the theres so many people at a wedding who would have an eye on her caz that is how children end up getting touched. You never really know what kind of people are at your wedding.

Exactly! The whole time I was yelling at the screen (and at Charlotte, sorry, Charlotte) like "Because she had a miscarriage!!!!" Jeeez! People can be very insensitive. I don't even have kids nor want to or plan to, and I still commiserate with the pain that that woman must have felt.

Also, it's their money. Even if they were loaded no one is required to pay for their sibling's wedding and he even offered £5000! But your point stands too 😉

Isn't it ironic that this woman is demanding sympathy - a break - citing her child (and the expense and difficulties in raising her) as the reason why she is not more successful and/or financially stable? No one forced her to have a child, she CHOSE this and must live with that decision. If the $$$ needed to raise that child reduces the money for her "dream wedding" then that's on her. My dad would call that an SIW (self-inflicted wound).

@@evagengler9666 There are SO many stories on reddit of people with children demanding money from people without children because "I suffer and sacrifice sooo much because of my kids. I deserve your money more than you do! It's not like you're using it anyways!" Last time I checked, your sibling/neighbor/coworker/cousin/whatever didn't get you pregnant nor did they force you to give birth. That's a YOU problem that you brought on yourself. There are so many stories of people demanding entire houses/properties because "what do you need all that space for without kids?" It's insane to me

@@awesomelycuterific You're exactly right.

It doesn't matter how much he's being paid. She isn't entitled to a penny of it.

While I get that she went through a lot, and it's only natural to be fearful for your children, it's cruel to deprive her child of something she was probably really looking forward to because of her own mental illness.

@@josequins9099 I do agree. She should have sat down and talk to husband about him taking the daughter or try to come to some solution. I don't think she's the AH and I do get were her irrationality came from though. I just think she may have needed a bit more understanding from parties involved in her life. When my son went into the NICU, the psychiatrist they sent it (they do this for all moms and NICU moms) instantly was like "Oh you for sure have PPA. Two loses and now this, you have PPA. That's why you haven't left the NICU in days. You feel like you can't leave him or something will happen." And like yeah! She was right! Even though he was literally being monitored 24/7 and had all these doctors and nurses around, I didn't leave for two weeks.

There were lots of ways she could've went about it to be more respectful to others. If she already knew she had an anxiety disorder, she should've pulled out of the wedding immediately after the miscarriage or at the very least not strung them along until right before the wedding. Then took to reddit and framed them as if she did nothing wrong and they're "entitled." She's still an a hole.

@@jennamarie2481 I don't think you quite understand how irrational anxiety is and can be. Especially anxiety after a loss.

@@JHyde-tv3if I have an anxiety disorder. If I had literally miscarried a child I would've backed out of the wedding bc those things are really expensive and I know it's someone else's big day and I'd actually have anxiety ab messing it up.

Agreed!

I was gonna say this! She had a miscarriage & lost a child, that is devastating to some people. It was definitely fear why she stopped her daughter going to that wedding, as she didn’t want to let her weans out of her sight after loosing one. I agree she does need to go to therapy & get help with her grief & anxiety, as smothering her living children will not go well & can end up with them hating her for being controlling. I’ve had 2 miscarriages & an ectopic pregnancy & that really messed me up, therapy helped a lot with me grieving. I still grieve, as most folk do. I don’t have any weans though & decided not to after all of it. But I can undercut why that mum didn’t want to let her weans leave her side, even if they were with their dad. Grief & anxiety really mess with your head & make you do some odd things that others find irrational. I also agree the dad needs to be more supportive towards his wife, it seems like he doesn’t care at all.

I totally agree with you. People never understand till they have to be in the position of that woman

@@amy-leacoopertwiggyvonlea8969 - Since you're replying to year old posts I'll jump in. Watch it again dear. It clearly says you're wrong.

Dad could have gotten drunk and expected others to watch his daughter and since it isn’t a family wedding she wasn’t taking chances and husband is defo the a hole

Aww well done you two!!I totally understand I’ve been clean 5 + years and I’ve finally stopped counting!it’s an amazing thing you guys have done!getting clean is harder then keeping using imho !!laughing is sometimes the best medicine!!am really happy for you both!I actually enjoy life again,got a job etc and don’t miss my old life at all now!!much 💜and 🕯from🇬🇧🥰

Hey hope u guys are doing well... Keep doing ur best to stay sober. Life has so much more to offer..lots of love n strength to u...

@@joeakaprolifik7735 wow! Thank you so much for saying that and congratulations to you on your 5+ years! That’s incredible! We’re finally getting to a place where it doesn’t feel like we are white knuckling it anymore. Lots of ❤️ and 🕯 to you from Texas!

@@suvashree100 I really appreciate that! We always say that our worst day sober is still better than our best day high. Thank you for the support and kind words. Much love to you right back ❤️

@@morganstevens001 aww hun no problem,I literally feel for you guys!it’s so hard but you’ve done the worst part!pay days we’re hard for me so I started treating myself on pay day to a new top or getting my nails done and I stopped getting so anxious then!people who haven’t been there don’t realise how hard it is to get clean,I moved out of town,changed my number ,I don’t know why but last time I was in prison something changed in me and I just didn’t want that life anymore,before that in jail all I’d think of was the d s I was going to get on release day🤦‍♀️,I think you know yourself when your ready!sadly my sister is still bad but I’m 🙏she’s going kick it soon,much 💜 to you both ,your doing great,if you ever want to message me I’m always on here!!enjoy your new start!!🥰🥰💜💜🇬🇧🕯

@@dailydoseoftwitchclips9566 reported

My mom and (awesome) step dad got married in our living room. 👍🏻👍🏻 It was perfect! If people just want to be together, and the relationship is good, they don't need an expensive wedding.

@@Acidfunkish the attention is already on them, it’s their day, I don’t see the need for a luxurious wedding especially if they don’t have the budget for it. I would much prefer a nice little family gathering with the closest friends included, in a nice little environment. Easier to control and more affordable. It can be really pretty and a happy occasion without all that extra money and people involved. Some ppl can’t even have a wedding and there’s this woman crying over not getting a fortune to spend on one night? I’m way too simple minded for this.

@@Acidfunkish my best friend got married in her grandmother's backyard. Her grandma lives on a lake, she her her bridesmaids made decorations by hand and the best man built a wooden arch. Her much younger brother was in the school AV club and borrowed an expensive camera and those pictures with the fairy lights and lake and sunset in the background are some of the prettiest wedding photos I've ever seen.

@@viviennart It was ONLY close family and friends. Really nice! People brought a bottle of wine, or whatever, to contribute. We all had a couple glasses of wine or beer, told stories, laughed, and just enjoyed each other's company. They were married for near 20 years, and he was a better dad to me than my bio dad had ever been. He was an awesome dude. They did, however, win a trip to Hawaii, for their honeymoon. They'd rather spend money on travel than a big wedding (or any kind of traditional wedding). They made lots of good memories!

❤️

So sad for this woman getting dubbed the a-hole with so little understanding. Couldn’t really focus through the rest of the video/humor.

Of course it's traumatic. That's completely understandable. The couple can find someone else or go without. But her daughter was looking forward to this and yanking it away at the last second for something she cannot possibly understand is just cruel.

@@arianebolt1575 cruel really is not the right word though for that implies intention that simply was not there

I agree. I was confused on why they said those things when that was a possibility.

Lol. One way to send it up the aisle to get to a different relative 😂😂

About the baby, it was her new born. The bride went viral for endangering her baby's safety with this ridiculous stunt.

@@abijustbeyourself2UBTRU I. Have. No. Words. 😐

It was. I remember this being reported in the news. The mom thought it was so cool. Everyone else was aghast!

If I were the brother, I'd refuse to attend the wedding even if op backed down. You KNOW that bride is well into bridezilla territory; it would only get worse and peak at the wedding itself.

If I were the brother, if my sister was not satisfied with the 5K, and demanded 20K instead, she would not get anything.

Yeah but she shouldn't have let her anxiety affect her daughter

That’s not a valid excuse at all. She was definitely the asshole. I have anxiety myself and I would never use my child like that or put them in a situation that way

@@breerea9928 it's a huge shame that her daughter missed out and I'll guess that the momma will beat herself up enough about that over the years. This could have been turned into an opportunity to understand how uncontrollable, terrifying and debilitating PTSD, anxiety and panic attacks can be. Things could have been dealt with much more effectively than blame, insults and name calling over a medical condition.

That kind of shit will fuck up the daughter as well. Give her separation anxiety from her mum because all she’s known is mum meltdowning when she goes out without her mum. Coming from someone who has severe anxiety and has had 2 miscarriages.

@@DystopianOverture yes thank you! I grt that mental health is tricky, and anxiety is not logical, I get it, but if the mother thought a little harder about thr situation, she'd understand that he actions would have affected her daughter as well. Kids pick up things from their parents and learn their behavior. I'm anxious as heck because my mom was super controlling as well I love her to pieces, but I would have been a lot more confident in myself and anxious if she hadn't been breathing doen my neck my entire life and co trolling everything i did just because of HER anxiety.

I think it was totally justified. She had just lost a child. A wedding isn't that important, I don't understand why people make it into this larger than life issue. Of course she should get therapy, but just saying, anxiety isn't logic, you can't just snap out of it.

That is what I thought it was too

That is definitely a possibility or she could be using her daughter as an anchor, so to speak, and clings to her to make herself feel safe and a crutch to deal with her grief, since it appears that she is not only dealing with anxiety but probably depression as well, both as a result of the miscarriage. I'm not saying the behavior is healthy, but it is another possibility of why she wouldn't let her daughter go. In all honesty, anxiety creates very distorted perceptions of the world, and what may seem perfectly logical and reasonable to the person with the anxiety seems totally odd and possibly delusional to others. I'm actually a little frustrated with her husband's reaction. Sure, it isn't easy dealing with someone who is overcome with anxiety but to lash out and call her a b*tch because the bride had a tantrum and lashed out at him is frankly a d*ck move on his part (so much for being a loving, understanding, compassionate, and empathetic spouse), they ALL need to grow up and OP needs therapy - well, they ALL need therapy but for different reasons!

She specifically mentioned the miscarriage a couple times, so I think the fear was that her daughter would somehow not make it back home. She wasn’t using her as an “emotional support animal”, an accusation I think was very uncalled for, she was just scared to lose her daughter if she was out of her sight. I think a gentler response, at least, would have been better. Definitely not worth calling her a b-word.

I did not know people would agree or at least relate to what I said. I'm surprised

That is so true and so sad.

It’s all for a piece of paper anyway. You could literally go to a town hall and marry someone for $100, then in the future when you’re more financially comfortable you can celebrate with family and friends.

Exactly. My sister spent £1000 on her whole wedding I think and paid for it all herself and it was a great night

We had a small wedding at my parents house for $8k. My dress was only $800. Happily married 13 years last Aug.

This! I felt so bad, seemed like everyone was against her. People should've been more understanding, it's not like it happened to them, they don't know how much overwhelmed she might have been :(

@@laylammorais true. This is the only time I really disagreed even with Charlotte's reaction, clearly the mother's anxiety stemmed from her miscarriage and that anxiety/fear of losing a child obviously extended to her daughters, why is it hard to understand?

@@Jha0601 It’s because it’s HER issue alone and shouldn’t be taken out on the child. Kids tend to resent their parents when they are suffering because of their parents problems. She IS subjecting her daughter to her illness whether you people want to admit or not. She needs help instead. Stop making excuses for these people. When people make excuses or rationalize for the behaviors of people instead of addressing the issues and getting help then those people think it’s OK for them to do what they do to those around them. The mom can’t go around and start being a helicopter parent because she personally dealt with an tragedy. My mom suffered a miscarriage as well but us kids were treated as a person who has a life and weren’t subjected to her own issue(not in any way saying it’s her fault btw). We also lost my dad when we were young but she made sure that we didn’t wallow in self pity. She knew we had to continue living. That’s the military in our family. This woman IS the asshole because she’s fine with her husband being in the wedding but not her kid?!?! How can you say that’s logical thinking from her because it’s NOT. Don’t give the excuse well it’s because it’s her child and she lost a child. Her husband is just as big a part of her life as well and would be dealing with the same loss. Like I said, she needs to get help instead of taking it out on the child because she’s afraid for her child. That needs to be addressed. I’m sorry for her loss and feel her pain but like I said, we shouldn’t make it ok for her behavior because she was in the wrong to make her child suffer for something she has NOTHING to do with. Just saying.

@@sarahprince2412 The miscarriage (loss of child) would affect her anxiety with her offspring NOT her husband. A child is way more helpless than a grown man. Sure, she is subjecting her kid to her illness, but she just had the miscarriage and even if she was in therapy, it takes work. Some people spend months or years getting over something like this. Also, it's not good to perpetuate the idea that you should pretend your feelings aren't there. your family can continue living after a death but it is always better to feel it all and work through processing it. this poor woman went through a traumatic experience. her wellbeing is WAY more important than a party. where is the compassion and understanding?

@@sarahprince2412 she got anxiety, probably postpartum, its not like a flu that easily goes away, the mother clearly doesn't have the capacity to make sense of things and loss affects differently on people so don't compare how great your mom is compared to the mother of the flower girl. Omg at this age many people still don't get mental illness and don't have sympathy for people suffering from it.

YES! Thank you for speaking up about that. Losing a child is the worst kind of pain. The fear and anxiety are outwardly shown by overprotecting another child. Others can't grasp this kind of pain and feeling out of control and helpless. Depending where she was in her grief process, I think the husband should have been able to take the child. No doubt that he too would be overprotective while there too. The woman needed to put her trust in someone else's care, even her husband, but maybe she just wasn't far enough in her grief process to do so yet. 😪

Child loss is absolutely awful, but NO mental illness is a valid reason to harm your family. Her young daughter did not need to witness her apparently major panic attack, and I'm sure she did more than witness it, I'm sure she was forced to comfort her through it even though she's a child with an undeveloped frontal lobe. I was parentified by a parent with PTSD and it's not an excuse, it's never an excuse to pass on your trauma. Especially not in 2021, ESPECIALLY if she's telling other people to "read up on mental health". It sounds like she needs to do her own reading up and then move on to finding a psychologist.

Personally I think she's using her anxiety as a crutch, and if it's not handled now it will get worse and the kids will start to resent her as they get older. It's alright to have anxiety and yes it causes a lot of disruptions in daily living but as a mom, she needs to make sure that her problems don't encroach on giving her children a normal healthy life. And also that she will need to understand that as they get older and become more independent it will cause a lot of problems. Especially if she uses her illness to guilt the children into not doing things or going places they want to go. I truly hope she gets the treatment she deserves before it causes more dissention in her family.

@@toracabey93 her miscarriage happened recently, understandably the trauma is still fresh and she's suffering from fear of losing another child. Her daughter is prob 4, and its not sure if she's having major panic attacks that would also traumatize her daughter. She's seeing help but she needs time to heal, the daughter won't be traumatized over missing being a flower girl. If her anxiety affects their child they can re-assess the situation and seek help for it too. That's what a family should do, help each other out.

The husband lost the child too and the daughter is his as well. Sure she's got mental illness and needs major help, but how does she think she makes her husband feel too? She calls their daughter HER daughter and basically saying saying that her husband is not capable of keep THEIR daughter safe and only she can. For all we know, she too was dismissive of the husbands feelings. Making a child takes two. If the child is loss, it is still two.

I set up an interview at university for a woman who has 3 kids. She started her PhD with a 3 month old baby. She graduated with her doctorate last year and is interviewing for high end jobs. She sacrificed a lot to get where she is today. One of the panelists in the interview said she had "true grit".

True. I have a kid and I'm pregnant with #2 and because of that I didn't finshed university yet and didn't make much money. But... that was my choice! And the choice from my husband. We knew that getting kids would mean to have less money. I would never expect someone else to pay for my wedding only because they have more money. My husband and I did our wedding with a budget of around 10000€ and it was great. Our parents gave us some money (way under 5000€ in total) and some friends helpt with things like selfmade cake. It is okay to ask for help, but you have to be thankfull for every help people are willing to give. Never expect them to do more.

@@tessaritter5339 10,000 ain’t shabby by any means!! I’ve been to absolutely gorgeous weddings that were like 1,000$ or wayyy less!! What you had was a very nice wedding 👍

@@eveningstar8581 I know. :) It's totaly possible to spend less then 10000€ and have a very nice wedding. We had costumized our dress and suit, rented a white oldtimer car and choose an expensive restaurant near the city center for the reception with around 50 people. We could spend way less money by bying a nice dress and suit off-the-shelf or used ones and by choosing a cheaper venue out of town or a privat garden. 10000€ is a lot of money for a wedding. It's only less then what most people in wedding videos spent (or wish to spend).

Even without anxiety, having a miscarriage causes a lot of trauma… is no one realizing that?! Man both of those together are a tough combo and no one is understanding about if 😭

I think everyone overreacted to that one like I don’t think she’ll stay like that I’m sure she will get better if she’s already acknowledging she has a problem. She just needs time to heal since it just happened and everyone judging her isn’t helping. Anxiety is awful!

@@Twiceuponaday Of course it's a trauma with or without anxiety, but the person who posted the AITA explained what happened in this specific scenario in terms of her anxiety. Both have been discussed, and some people are quite understanding about it, just not enough people. It sucks, but people will always have opinions about things they don't understand. Best anyone can do is try to explain, then go watch another video, ya know?

The fact that her own husband called her a bitch makes my blood boil.

@@nick.p.9328 something like this happened in my family recently. Sometimes people around you just don't get it despite their best effort. And sometimes they react like this husband out of fear and concern. I've had a real hard time showing my family how much damage they were inadvertedly doing on the member suffering from anxiety by lacking the "right" perspective on the problem

At least you're trying to understand, which is more than what a lot of people did. Too many people were so quick to judge her and make her feel worse about the whole thing.

I agree completely. And the fact that her husband called her a bword really pissed me off. If he’s that sort of husband to not try to understand what his wife is going through maybe that’s why she doesn’t trust him to care for their daughter without her being there.

yeah , that, and it was kinda obvuous and i am shocked how few people picked up on it and where able to sympathise

That's still not fair or ok. She needs to get professional help

@@danimotherofchickens479 Yes, surely she needs it. We don't know tho if she is in treatment and treatment is not miraculous as in you start and then it's solved. I am a board certified psychologist and have seen similar cases in which the patient cant part with something or someone due to their anxiety. Whilst they are indeed ill and do need treatment, anxiety is not logical so it cannot be explained or healed with logic, it requires a lot of time and treatment in order to heal it. For the looks of it it's not only anxiety but PTSD, more likely PTSD induced anxiety and the response from OP was actually consistent with that kind of illness and regardless of what we, people without that specific illness, may think, it was a real danger for her and her body.

@@luisaramos6862 what the comments about this has shown me is that we still a lot of work to do to educate the public about Mental Health. The stigma is paralyzing many from seeking help.

Miscarriage can cause ptsd, and what is going on with her sounds like it fits. Yes, she needs therapy, but she also needs her friends and family to support and understand what she is going through. It isn’t that her daughter is her “emotional support animal” it is that PTSD is making her believe her daughter is in danger when she can’t see her and reassure herself. Telling her to get over it and that she is being a b*tch clearly shows that they are making zero attempt to understand and help her through this.

I don't know how people could have missed that it was pretty obvious or at least logical....But people really need to educate themselves about psychiatric disorders because when one of their family member or friend will try to suicide and succeed because they didn't try to understand them or they just criticized them well it will be too late to regret or to help them...And then it will be hard for them to live knowing you played a part in someone's doom...

Dont you just love it when people treat children like their property 🙄

@@hidden_jem_ Or like pets when they leash them...LOL

Sounds like it could work😉

I was having the same thoughts!

While it is true that she could've handled it better, when she was deep in the throes of that anxiety attack, she couldn't think straight. I don't think she was hiding behind her mental illness or doing anything intentionally hurtful. I also don't believe she was "brushing it off" or not apologizing. I think she may have tried to apologize, but her apologies fell on deaf ears because they assumed she was being an asshole when she wasn't. They may have misread her saying she was sick as her making excuses, which happens A LOT to people with mental illness. I speak from personal experience. I do agree there really is no "bad guy" in this story, but there are a lot of people who are needlessly giving the mom way too much grief over something she can't do anything about now. It's already happened, there's nothing she can do at this point to "fix it," and maybe she's tired of trying to apologize when all she hears is negativity.

@@mrandisg Yeah I see what you mean. The bride being angry is understandable. But had she been calm and had just talked, her friend most likely would have felt free to speak as well. I had the feeling the way it was written the friend had kind of dismissed it. In any case I hope she now knows her fear and feelings were valid, even though she couldn't really voice them in a diplomatic way from the way I read it. And hope her anxiety is getting better.

@@jhepadidaymaypamoa5172 how were her feelings valid? That would mean her daughter was going to be in some kind of danger being a flower girl. Her fears weren't valid at all, it was her anxiety. She needs to get a grip and get herself some help. It's not like she was sending her daughter off with strangers, the child's father was going to be right there.

Agreed. I personally deal with anxiety/severe anxiety as well & can understand how she would be fearful to let her daughter out of her sight(especially considering she just suffered a miscarriage) so yeah I can see how going through a miscarriage would make her feel like she must be watching her child 24/7. But also I can see the brides POV she had spent lots of $$ on her wedding & clearly wanted the daughter to be the flower girl so she has a right to be upset. That being said I agree that neither party in this story is the “bad guy” they both had reasonable feelings. Personally i think a good solution would’ve been let the daughter go to the wedding and then when she was done being a flower girl go back home again.

*You're

Was there a video of this? I’m pretty sure I saw someone else do this same exact thing 🎉

Came here to say this. She just miscarried. Her baby died. Why would she be comfortable letting her living child out of her sight?

The point still remains that she is using her daughter as an emotional crutch, rational or not. So the question is, who’s livelihood is more important, hers or her daughters?

I agree. She should apologize to the bride & groom and offer to reimburse them if they really incurred any expenses. But a woman who just lost a child could easily be irrational about a surviving child. She needs therapy but it is not the end of the world for a wedding to not have a flower girl. My only caveat is no one mention how the child felt about missing the wedding. If the child was devastated, then that is a different story.

@@TribuneAquila I'm sick of seeing people like you I really am people who have never had a miscarriage and will never understand the pain that comes with it I'm not trying to be rude but the amount of people who lack empathy is just sickening

@@TribuneAquila you're assuming it's a pattern of behaviour though, it had happened recently and this is one event. The daughter might literally be 2 and have no idea what is going on. This poor person deserves a bit more support and understanding.

yeah, she needs to work on it, it is not a longterm solution to keep the kid with her all the time, but shaming someone for being ill and blaming them for acting irrational in a moment of panic? really people?

The only thing I’ll say is that, while i understand being afraid and have to deal with mental illness, she needs to get help otherwise she will end up inadvertainly hurting her daughter. Pulling her out of the wedding calms her own fears, but how did the daughter feel suddenly being told she can’t go? Will this keep happening when kid gets older? Woman needs help and a better support system.

@@SingingSealRiana Honestly I’m not surprised. That site is riddled with child hating freaks, they’d probably think a miscarriage is a blessing. My angry ramble aside, the callousness of them has really put a damper on my day.

Yes but the more appropriate reaction would be to get professional help instead of expecting her daughter in her sight 24/7. It's not her feelings that are wrong but certain actions she took. If she couldn't handle it, why wait till the wedding day to pull her daughter out? At the very least, she could have pulled her out earlier. And it's definitely not a long term solution to keep her daughter with her 24/7.

At a wedding reception, I totally agree. At home, then sure, it's cool.

@@pablodelsegundo9502 no it's not. It's a waste of perfectly good cake and usually embarrassing for the receipient - and hardly ever funny. I've also seen videos where someone's face was smashed into a cake and there were support sticks inside for the next tier. They nearly lost an eye.

It’s just stupid and childish

Thank you. I can sympathize with this mama 100%. It is heart breaking to see how many people think she's an asshole for it. I do think she should have pulled her daughter from the wedding earlier, but I'm guessing from everyone's reactions that she really didn't feel it was an option. She should have been supported.

As someone who has miscarried and has an anxiety disorder I completely agree with you.

Awesome! We need more mental health professionals to weigh in on this! Thank you! 💖

@@krisdiane She should have been supported, yes. But does that mean, people should give in such an irrational wish as not letting the daughter to the wedding with her father? I bet the girl was excited about beeing a flower girl. Most girls are. Maybe this gitl wasn't. We don't know what the daughter wants. But even for the mother herself it's not healthy to give in her fears, I think. Wouldn't it be better to try to give her the experince of a succesfull seperation from her daughter? Maybe her husband could call her a few times from the wedding to tell her everything is okay with their daughter.

@@tessaritter5339 personally I don't think the mother did the right thing (I don't judge except that it was stupid to post on am I the ah) but if I were in that panic state there is no way I'd be able to let my daughter go without me. I'd be more likely to endure the panic attack and go with her to make sure nothing happened to her. Neither are exactly healthy strategies. But I know personally (everyone has their own strategies) that's what I have to do at pools. I'd rather just never let my daughter in a pool but I don't want her to miss out on life experiences so I endure the anxiety the whole time but she isn't allowed in pools without a dedicated set of eyes for watching only her (preferably me). I'm still letting my anxiety control my actions but it's a better middle ground. If someone tried to take her to the pool without me there I'd have a full blown can't breathe having a heart attack level panic attack even considering saying yes to that.

This woman is absolutely not an asshole. That just shows how little understanding people still have when it comes to mental illness. Unless someone is a doctor/psychologist it is certainly not up to them to tell her how to manage her mental health. It is not worth it for her to be sitting at home having a panic attack for several hours, especially for the wedding of this unbelievably selfish person.

My mom and her friends cooked for our wedding. My aunt helped me make the mints, and I have a burn on my wrist that shows in some of the photos because I baked cookies. My mother-in-law and her friends made and individually wrapped pieces of the groom’s cake (Canadian tradition). I had the flowers, cake, and photos done professionally because they’re a big deal and, if there was a problem, I wouldn’t want to strain any personal relationships.

Yeah, her anxiety is clearly about losing her baby and that fear was extended to her daughters, I don't know why people didn't get that correlation.

@@Jha0601 literally everyone gets it. We understand. But the line with mental illness comes when you start seriously impacting other people- in this case both the couple and also her daughter, who was probably excited about being a flowergirl and whom no one seems to be taking into consideration. I can already see this poor girl being the one who's never allowed to have sleepovers, not allowed to go on field trips, not allowed to go to school dances or to date... if mom doesn't get help ASAP she's going to ruin her daughter's life.

@@mary-catherineelizabeth7277 not everyone gets it when Charlotte herself wonders why husband can go but daughter can't and many commenters say the mother is treating her daughter an emotional animal when its not the case. Also take into consideration that the miscarriage is recent hence its fresh, I think for the meantime she's entitled mental comfort, help and understanding esp from her family. She can get help, she can heal but we don't know the progress, we don't know how or if it will affect their daughter (sorry I assume her daughter is just 4 yr old and I don't think missing being a flower girl is life-changing). If her anxiety won't subside and affects their daughter the family can seek counseling. Most people these days don't have an ounce of sympathy for people inflicted with mental illness, like yall forcing herself to deal with her own illness like its an ordinary flu and simply assumed a worst future for the daughter that isn't even guaranteed to happen. The family can deal with the problem one at a time, for now the mother should be prioritized.

I agree that that's a possibility (having anxiety myself) and it's a really though situation for her. But her anxiety is something she needs help with to hopefully get to as good a place as possible, she should not put it on her child.

Exactly that poor woman had her anxiety triggered by loss. She definitely needs better friends.

That was my exact thought. We lost our 17 year old son to a negligent driver in September of 2019, 5/6 months before coronavirus started clearing stores of toilet paper. My 4 year old daughter just went to the store this week, for the first time since Feb/Mar 2020. I hope she enjoyed it because I’ve been hearing rumblings about another coronavirus variant. Anyway, you’re absolutely right. Losing someone that close to you (child/parent) makes you hold so much tighter to those still there with you. I definitely don’t blame that woman for not going to that wedding and surely don’t blame her for not letting her daughter go as well. I feel like the bride and anyone on the brides “side” is/are the a-hole(s)!

She needs to not let her anxiety affect her daughter. Daughter would've been with dad, perfectly fine, or she could've gone. My mom let her anxiety pop up all over my childhood and all it did was help me develop my own. Not going to do it to my own kids.

That was my thought at the outset. Having anxiety myself, I totally could envision myself having the same reaction. She’s definitely NTA in this situation. Also, husband not supporting her through her anxiety and her fear about losing her children sends up all kinds of warning flags for me. Mental illness should never be taken lightly.

Yes, I feel like that is what is going on as well. The husband can go, but she is traumatized at the thought of losing her children.

I too want Thanos at my wedding, but he must be able to twerk.

Yes but the more appropriate reaction would be to get professional help instead of expecting her daughter in her sight 24/7. It's not her feelings that are wrong but certain actions she took. Is she never going to let her daughter out of her sight? Plus, if she couldn't handle it, why wait till the wedding day to pull her daughter out? At the very least, she could have pulled her out earlier.

Yeah my mom let her anxiety pop up all over my and my siblings childhood. It only helped us to develop our own anxiety and mental illness. I won't pass it on to my kids

@@breerea9928 “let” her anxiety pop up? If, indeed, you have the same issues now… you should understand that you don’t just “let” it pop up.

Looked like the mom had just recently gone through the miscarriage. And, she should get help with coping. In time, and with therapy, her anxiety should dissipate. But, until she can go through therapy, the people, who supposedly love and care about her, should give her time to come to terms with her loss. The thought that the woman’s mental state is disregarded so that her little girl can throw flowers on the ground seems ridiculous. In reality, most details of your wedding don’t matter when looking back on it. But, disregarding your friends mental health sure does matter to the friend who just got shit on. The bride and the husband are both assholes, honestly.

@@magnoliasunshine5147 this.

@@magnoliasunshine5147 this!!!

This is so true on all levels! I wish more people understood it this way!

I agree that it's not helpfull to call the mother a b****. But she needs to understand how irrational her fear is and that she have to work on herself instead of let her daughter stay by her side all the time. She won't understand that if people never tell her. Beeing consicerate can do more harm then it helps in some cases.

@@tessaritter5339 She just had a miscarrige a few months before this and lost a child. She is afraid of losing her daughter obviously. How is her fear irrational? She did just lose a child, and she is afraid of losing her other child. What is irrational about that and exactly what work does she need to do, on herself, to deal with the recent loss of a child?

I don't think most would judge the behavior in a mental health forum. But it's not a healthy coping strategy that can be dangerous to her kid if it were a repeat coping strategy. The problem is she posted it on "am I the asshole". And yes she gave into her anxiety and it made her an asshole and negatively impacted multiple people. I wouldn't naturally judge that moment of weakness but if you frame the question as "did I do something wrong" then the answer is yes so let's work to develop healthier coping strategies. But posting it there made people judge her.

This is very true, also by the story it seems like it's actually PTSD and not only anxiety. She might have suffered from anxiety before but then losing her other child caused PTSD which can exhacerbate the anxiety. In any case, I don't believe she's actively trying to harm her child with her actions but protect them. Of course, it's neither the rational nor healthy way to do it BUT anxiety and PTSD are not rational nor healthy.

I was thinking something very similar. As someone who both has a diagnosed anxiety disorder and has had a miscarriage, I immediately thought, "That woman is deeply hurting and very likely nervous something would happen to her living child." Grieving doesn't have to make sense to anyone but the person going through it. I get that weddings are very special events _been there done that_, but a person's sanity and wellbeing are more important than an event.

My thoughts exactly.. !

You have a debilitating mental issue no doubt but as it often happens in these cases, you're also very selfish. It sometimes comes with the territory when dealing with this stuff. It's understable but not excusable. If y'all are not getting therapy you should asap because your mental wellbeing is not more important that your family/loved ones'.

Also if the husband is the father of the child it is very unfair for him that he did not got a say in this, hence why he was probably mad too, it’s his child too. I have severe anxiety and I can understand changing your mind last minute, but even with a mental illness if both of the parents are capable of taking care of their child and not abusive then both should have a say in the education of that child and the things they are allowed to do too. Also what if the child was looking forward to it? She never mentioned how the child felt, enhancing the impression of selfishness coming from the post. It was only about her and not how the husband felt, the child felt or the friends getting married felt.

I agree! she didn’t want to let her daughter out of her sight because SHE HAD JUST LOST A BABY and she was obviously transferring that distress to be hyper vigilant about having her daughter near her. So disappointing that people are such d**ks about maternal mental health and being called an AH by random strangers probably sent that poor woman on a worst downward spiral. Ffs ppl really suck 🤮

No, and it also does not excuse that behavior when it happens. However, it also does not give people the right to bash that person and call them names either. That doesn't help the situation. I know from personal experience that mental illness can make you seem like an asshole. But it is NEVER intentional. The least anyone can do is try to understand and give that person the benefit of the doubt. It's good that your husband is getting help, and yes, that's good advice. But unless it's constructive, criticism does no good.

Sometimes a teaspoon of reality is of great help.

Anxiety is wild. Balloon pops in my vicinity, I end up curling into a ball and just sobbing. Granted… the last two were those massive monstrosities that can be bopped around like a damn yoyo, and they burst in my face. Resulted in crumpling behind the register at work in hysterics. One woman did help me through it, just hugged me and said “we’re on this ride together, darling. We’ll be okay.” I have since started hiding in the back room anytime those balloons enter my store

Nope, nope, NO! So easy to judge from the wings. He absolutely deserves to feel what he feels, and in return you have the right to stand by him or leave if you can’t take it.

@@jeanaerowley7150 yes, you have the right to feel what you feel. You don't have the right to negatively impact the lives of everyone around you including your children.

Wedding should be a celebration, small or big, not a fucking oscar's event It should be for the couple and the fam and friends, they should eat drink and party...I love how your weddings sounds. Cheers to that!

Of course it makes sense. But she is also wanting everyone else to change their plans for her. Her daughter would be with her husband, and that would be a great compromise with her not "wanting her out of her sight." There is a difference between understanding another's emotions and letting those emotions affect everyone else's happiness. Her husband, her daughter, and the bride all wanted the daughter at the wedding. She could have also gone to o the wedding and still have her daughter in her sights. But she wanted to make everyone else miss out as well. That is not fair.

@@catladyfromky4142 I see you have 0 empathy. 1- we don’t know the age of the girl, we could be talking about a toddler here, 2- the dad is in the wedding party, so he’s not going to be able to keep his eyes on the kid the whole time. Considering those two I’d not let my kid go to that wedding even if I hadn’t severe anxiety and were grieving a baby, because the world is full of awful humans and weddings are always full of strangers and distractions. But she is, she’s just lost her baby and now she’s been asked to let one of her girls out of her sight for a full day, when people will probably not be paying attention nor answering their phones, I can’t imagine a worse scenario for someone with severe anxiety. If that girl would’ve gone to the wedding her mother would’ve been worried sick (I mean literally vomiting) and probably had several panic attacks while her friends and husband are partying. Does that sound good to you? If that girl was a teenager then it would be a whole different story, but it sounds like a little girl, who would probably not even remember being a flower girl.

@@adaynadir Yeah, the daughter was only 4 years old. Some people mentioned she was upset, but yeah, I think if people didn't make too huge of a fuss about it, she'd probably move past it and be okay. The problem is, I don't think they're going to let her or her mom forget anytime soon. What they don't understand is the mom did not have any malicious intent when it came to this. It was a severe anxiety attack, which caused her to think irrationally at the time, and it caused this unfortunate circumstance. There's nothing she can do about it now, it happened. People need to stop judging her and calling her an AH for something she could not control in that moment. I'm sure she feels bad enough about it as it is, which is probably why she came to Reddit. Admittedly, it probably wasn't the best strategy, considering how many people ended up bashing her. Still, at least some people showed her some empathy and understanding. Unfortunately, it might not have been enough.

@@mrandisg Exactly! Tbh if it’s a 4 year old I really understand her mum not wanting her to go, I can only imagine the scenarios her anxiety would come up with. Her husband in particular should’ve try to understand, and the bride having a tantrum, jeez, is not like she’s ruined her wedding. Shame they just bashed her on Reddit, she needs support, not judgment.

@@adaynadir and when will her daughter have freedom to do anything. Apparently you consider the father supervision to be inadequate.

@Nicky L , you can learn to be a good partner through books or other media. You can learn to communicate better. You can learn to understand your partner better. But you have to admit you made mistakes like all people do. You have to change yourself. That is way harder and not as much fun as planing a wedding.