I think a show like this also brings up important discussions about being "the perfect victim." People are flawed, and sometimes we do things that aren't kind or the right choice, but it shouldn't justify the harassment and harm experienced either. Hope you're doing okay, Roly. 💜

I was stalked by an ex. The police wouldn't believe me. I was threatened to be arrested for wasting police resources for continually ringing for help. 2 years, and a tv camera crew later, I was finally able to get the police to take it seriously. It turned out that I was one of many victims of his, but the only one to succeed in having him arrested, due to his extremely wealthy family's influence on the police and legal system. Yep, his Mummy paid a LIT of money to protect her "little boy". ( He was 24). My case was the first in Australia where a stalker was actually convicted! He had put me through 2 years of absolute hell, which has affected me since. I'm constantly checking my surroundings, and still sleep with an iron bar under my bed. He physically assaulted me on numerous occasions ( once at his family's home). I lost my job, many friends, my home - everything. He got 6 months in prison. This happened in 1989. There was no social media, so I had no way of ever knowing when, or where, he'd show up. So I know EXACTLY what you went through Roly, and I'm sorry you weren't believed. The police need to take stalking a lot more seriously - whether you're a man or a woman.

I watched it, and when the cop said, “Well why didn’t you report it?” that line made me so angry. People like that are EXACTLY why male victims don’t come forward most of the time. Even if he did come forward right away, the cops probably wouldn’t have believed him, and probably blamed him for what happened. So messed up.

That thing that police say, “there’s nothing we can do until he/she actually does something to you”; it’s oh my gosh ok so you want to wait until someone is dead or has been kidnapped or molested before you’re going to help?!?!

Pssst. Your feelings are valid 🫂

I had a friend who made me feel uncomfortable. She phone me 4 or 5 times a day, and she had to know what I had for breakfast , lunch ,and dinner. We're I was going for the day, who I went with. What I brought and how much I spent. I have a disability and when I was in pain she would tell me I didn't know what pain was. Then she started to tell my husband what to do. In the end, I told her to go away. I blocked her on everything. Luckily, she left me alone .

It sounds like you have PTSD (I have PTSD myself). Glad you're talking about this. Baby Reindeer was incredibly well done but it was triggering for me too. Had a high school ex that made my life hell. Had to drop out of hs and hide, finished alt hs and went to college and got my license to practice medicine as a RT at 18... he showed up in the ER where I worked. I had to treat him as a patient. it was awful. Had the opportunity to hurt him back but didn't... had to save his life. I panicked but did my job. Ugh. He didn't stop even when he was in prison... Thankfully I found out later that he was dead. It was a relief and I celebrated but I still have night terrors about him. Everything he did changed me as a person. The law needs to catch up for sure. Have to hold these people accountable for their actions. I hate that Richard's stalker is "famous" now and getting interviews. I hate it. Thanks for sharing ❤ Hope you're doing well

Been through a bad situation that made others ask me “why didn’t you report it?” It really was demoralising hearing others say that and was made even harder as I was already riddled with guilt for not doing so. Like you said, unless you’ve been through you do not understand. Talking through it in therapy helped me a lot and made me realise I shouldn’t feel guilty. I hope you’re doing well now Roly and have a good support network around.

I had a stalker in high school, and the number of people who didn't believe me or take it seriously was ridiculous. I'd tell "friends" all of the things this boy was doing, after I was nice to him ONCE, and they would tell me it was sweet and I should give him a chance. This was in the 00s, and it's so frustrating to see that stalking still isn't taken seriously. There's a lot of people who just don't understand the impact stalking has, or that it can really stay with you even after the stalker's out of your life. It's okay to keep talking about it. I like watching these videos because it helps to validate for me that my own experience was wrong and it wasn't my fault. I hope you're doing okay

It’s sad that even in today’s age that stalking isn’t taken seriously sometimes. Stalking is extremely dangerous and life ruining

My coworker stalked me until I moved. Would leave things on my doorstep, it’s so terrible. The scariest thing in the world when you don’t feel safe even at your home. He was higher ranking than me so I never said anything because I was scared. No one deserves to go through this.

I'm so happy you understand him. I see people pretty much blame him for not doing much and it irritates me. Yes maybe he could've done more but that's a hard thing to go through and he did not deserve how she treated him

I'm a social worker and I often advocate for people to services who are not being taken seriously. It's infuriating but as soon as I come in as an "advocate" or "social worker", the situation gets taken more seriously. Just from having a title. It's not okay!

Only once did I have a stalker. He had been a neighbour of mine. Much older than myself. He would wait across the street from my apartment building and wait for me to leave, then follow me around everywhere. He'd hang about my workplace, hop buses just to always be on the same bus as myself, etc. Now, because of things that have happened to me throughout my life, I have an extremely violent temper when I feel at all threatened. So one day I finally just snapped. I was about to leave to get groceries, and saw him across the street right before he hid behind the tree (which he always did, as if I wouldn't bloody notice). I pretended to have forgotten something and went back in the building. When I came back out he hid again. He didn't notice I had a baseball bat in my hand. I walked across the street and slammed the bat into the tree at the level of his head (I still feel awful for hitting the poor tree!). He jumped backwards and stared at me, terrified. I told him plainly if I ever saw him around again there would not be a tree around to protect him. At the time this happened, there were no laws whatsoever against stalking, which was why I took it into my own hands. He never tried to report me, and I never saw him again after that.

I had an incident happen. It made me question everything. If a small item was misplaced in the house I would panic that the person had broken in. It really gets into your system and it never really goes away. I'm so sorry that anyone else had to go through that. My heart goes out to you.

Let’s be honest, police don’t do shit 99.9% of the time until a victim is dead to take you seriously. It reminded me when I was assaulted by my moms ex boyfriend and police didn’t do shit even with my mom and two brothers as witnesses and my face being beat to hell. I’m glad that at least you were helped and it didn’t lead to you being harmed or worse bc the world would be a very sad place without you in it.

I listen to a podcast called Strictly Stalking and police actually taking stalking seriously is the exception not the rule. It’s ridiculous it seemingly takes someone being physically assaulted before the police will do anything. I’m really happy you’re in a much better place. I couldn’t imagine the mental anguish and stress you went through.

I served on a death review team to determine what might have been done differently to avoid a similar situation in the future. Stalkers are so dangerous. It is so difficult for victims to get any help...until something happens. Police don't take it seriously. Victims are blamed all the time. Its so deadly.

I definitely live under a rock, because I unintentionally avoid any trendy shows and have no idea what Baby Reindeer is about, but Roly is speaking so I listen. 👁👄👁 Edit: Oh shit, stalking. I hope you’re okay. 😔

There was a woman in the UK who reported her ex partner as a stalker and they said she would be fined and reprimanded for wasting police time. Her room mate came home to find her mu*dered by her ex. Stalking is not taken seriously until some one is injured or dead.

Roly, it sounds very much like you could have PTSD from that situation, which would be no surprise at all considering the physical, mental and emotional stress it would have put you through. I'm obviously not a mental health professional but have been through extremely traumatic situations a few times in my life and it's something that can happen when you go through something that puts you in a situation where you are basically in fight or flight mode for long periods of time, and it's important to recognise triggers that will make you relive some of that trauma when it happens. Speaking about it like you have done in this video is a really good thing, and I hope that you will be ok. X

I can empathize with your experience. My ex stalked me for a year after I broke up with him, and it was terrifying. The police did nothing. He had been very abusive while we were together and tried to kill me more than once. He went to jail for the abuse, and still the cops didn’t do a thing to help me. I lived in constant terror. I lost my job because he would show up and act crazy. Luckily he got arrested on drug charges and went to prison for quite some time. I was able to move and successfully hide from him. The experience was extremely traumatizing and I now suffer from PTSD. I did watch the show and although it was triggering for me, I’m glad I watched it.

Oh, I did wonder if you watched it and how you felt about it! Thank you for bringing more attention and more personal experiences to the topic. As always, your vulnerability is appreciated 🩷 Take care of yourself, Roly!!♡

People’s reactions to Baby Reindeer has driven me up the wall. All of the memes and jokes being made really annoys me. It’s almost perpetuating the narrative that female perpetrators are not capable of those things/it’s one big joke. I’m so passionate about this from having 2 degrees in Psychology and wanting a career working with offenders. I just wish people took men’s experiences more seriously!

Very very brave of you to talk about and really says a lot when you say just because you're a man you weren't taken seriously. Defiantly something as a society we need to talk about.

To answer your question about being stalked- I had a very minor situation when I was living in Japan, but my friend/coworker had a serious one like Baby Reindeer while we were both living in Japan. Thankfully the guy was arrested before anything too horrible could happen (final straw was him banging outside her apartment) but it was awful and it and it still bothers her to this day. I think the reasons why ours got taken care of quickly (within two months) had to due with the fact that we were two foreign women living in Japan being stalked by men and working at a very well-known company. The police didn’t want to deal with a blue hedgehog.

I work in retail and have been in dangerous situations so many times. I’ve had multiple men try to grab me, I’ve had people stalk me and call the store asking for me (one of which says he see’s me everyday and when I found out who it was I had NEVER seen this person, yet they know my name and my shifts) I’ve had people try to put drugs into my hands in the store. And yet when it was reported it has always been dismissed - one official even said to me “he was nice to everyone else” as a reasoning for not following up. Recently there was a large fatal attack in my place of work, people lost their lives and suddenly everything is being taken seriously - like they waited for something violent to happen to act. Now, I hear people talking about certain situations or reports that have been made refer to it as “pre or post” the fatal attack, as if it’s excusable that it wasn’t taken seriously before. In a way I am glad to have things finally being taken seriously now, however it’s so upsetting and so painful to know that because your encounters weren’t fatal, that they don’t matter. There was never any prevention for the fatal attack that happened in my workplace, and I can’t help but think that if things had been taken seriously earlier, that it never would have happened.

It would be extra frightening to not know what your stalker looked like. It could be anyone! Horror movie stuff.

Hiya Roly, when I was 19, I was in a very similar situation. I was out with some work friends on a weekend off, a chap came up to me, wanted to buy me a drink, I did find him a bit creepy & refused. My night carried on, no matter where we went, 10 minutes later he walked in the same place. I went home early as I was really getting freaked out by him. I was home at 9.30pm, 9.45pm he was banging on my front door, he'd actually followed me home & now he knew where I lived. At that time my local police station was only 7 doors away from me, I reported him immediately, to find that he'd done nothing wrong & well maybe if I hadn't have gone out it wouldn't have happened. The attitude was, he hadn't actually laid a hand on me so he'd done nothing wrong. This went on for 3 months, I was frightened to leave the house, didn't go to work, it messed me up. The only thing that finally stopped him, my stepdad actually followed him & let's say he went & had a word with him. Even now I still carry alot of anger towards the police, as they made me feel it was my fault because I had a night out with friends from work & were more concerned about what I was wearing, how much had I drank, what conversation did I have with him, how long had I been seeing him. I can't believe this still goes on, I was 19 then, I'm nearly 56 now, but you do take it through life with you 😢

What Piers Morgan did is unforgivable, I think he’s the one who should be sued! If he hadn’t interviwed her ppl would ave forgotten about it in 10 minutes 😡

It's just insane that there are some unstable people out there who see someone on their screen and pick them like an item in a store. Their fantasy becomes a reality. It was gut-wrenching to see all the bullshit happening to you ☹ I am glad you stood your ground in spite of some of 'the authorities' incompetency. As for having similar experience - I know what it's like when someone's unwanted presence makes you look back over a shoulder every day. The law needs to be amended and cybercrimes need to be defined more precisely. All forms of harassment leave a permanent scar for many years to come, regardless if happened face to face or online.

Talking is the best medicine ❤

I'm currently experiencing something somewhat similar, except it's my abusive dad harrassing me. He violated a non-molestation order and was wanted by police and they didn't even arrest him... it has been almost 4 whole years since his arrest for assault and he still texts and messages me on multiple platforms about his delusions/paranoia and accusing me of things etc, it's wild. I just want to be left alone and not worried that this nutter is going to bother me and my family.

The not knowing what she looks or sounds like adds another level of terror. Makes complete sense that you are still working through this. So sorry this happened to you Roly. Sending you kind hugs 💜

I had a similar sort of experience with an ex- roommate that was secretly obsessed with me and decided to put a camera in my bedroom. Cops had to be called, he got arrested the whole nine yards. Because it was a felony, the state pressed charges on him and I was continually updated on that court case for a year or so afterward. The constant reminder of what happened was torture. It really does feel like you're living your life around them sometimes. Trauma comes and goes hun, your feelings are always valid and no one handles things the same way. You're doing great! Keep it up!😊

I definitely agree that stalking is such a niche but destroying experience that needs to be looked into beyond surface level so much more, the way it impacts people and is then brushed under the rug, glamorised and cast aside in law is just cruel. I appreciate the strength you have in opening up about it 💜.

I’m glad you’re able to talk about this. I think talking can help us heal, I’m so happy everything was taken care of all those months ago. The police need to take these things seriously, just because you’re a man doesn’t mean you’re asking for it.

I've never really talked about this outside of family/friends. I went through something a bit like this when I started Secondary school. It was a bit cliquey because a lot of the kids in my class had gone to the same Primary schools. So I didn't know a single soul in my year group. Kids had already sat in friendship groups. I wound up sat alone. Until the teacher got those few of us lone kids to sit together. I noticed through the lesson that people kept annoying this one girl. Me being me, I didn't like that. So I decided to speak to her, & to tell them to piss off. - Mistake No1 So through the first week or so, I talked to her. In classes where we were allowed to pick seats, I sat with her & one or two other people I was getting to know. She seemed alright.... could get a little over excited sometimes, & a bit of a teacher's pet. (I'll call her TP from here) In one class, the teacher decided to mix us up a bit, I was sat with someone new. We got on. Suddenly they pull me aside & tell me I shouldn't be friends with TP. Said she caused problems,wasn't as nice as she seems etc. I put it at the back of my mind & gave TP the benefit of the doubt - Mistake No2 Eventually, things started to get a bit weird. I wouldn't exactly call her a close friend, but I didn't mind sitting in class or hanging out at lunch sometimes with TP. But she started to get a bit clingy. She started copying me. It was subtle at first, like getting the same pencil case, same pens, bag, jewellery etc. But then it started to get weird. She'd copy right down to the same stickers (& placement) on things, same keyrings, patches, badges etc. If I painted my nails, she'd come in with them the same the next day. If I started wearing my hair in plaits, by lunchtime her hair was plaited. She tried to copy the same doodles & random notes etc in my planner - copying games & things I'd done with other friends. Then she started copying my work in class. Like, word for word. I called her out. She denied it I then called her out on copying other things about me. She denied it. I told her to stay away from me..we weren't 'friends' - Mistake No3 She started making my life hell. She lied to teachers, tried to say I'd stolen her work. She started telling lies about me. She started following me around, not just in school. I once had beg a member of staff to take me into the staff room & hide me, because she was following me & had been sending me threatening messages. Telling me her older cousins were outside waiting to beat me up. I had to get my parents, the school, even police involved to make TP leave me alone. All the way through she kept saying "But we're friends! You're my best friend! Why are you being mean?" This was all between the ages of 11-14. TP finally decided she wanted nothing to do with me (because she would still bug me & try to follow/speak to me even though she was moved to the other side of the timetable) when I came out as Bi, & had a GF. TP is homophobic. But TP began to act this way over 'famous people' - small-time, like people who were on talent shows (pop idol, xfactor) & with MySpace & other social media becoming a bigger thing, she started stalking these people online. She would claim she knew them 'personally' & 'deeply'. She 'had a connection' - even worse if that person had actually responded to a comment. Even something as simple as a heart emoji. I couldn't leave School behind fast enough. The small handful of people I kept in touch with, told me she got worse. She'd gotten in trouble for turning up outside a KZfaqr's house multiple times. She started stalking a Freddie Mercury impersonator. He got police involved. She's currently stalking an Elvis impersonator.

omg. When I watched it I was suffocating at the thought. And the series made it so symbiotic. That must have been hard to watch. Big hugs to you. Consensual of course. Xx

So sad & frustrating that police never take action until someone is seriously hurt or killed 😢 I’ve heard of many cases where people are killed by their stalkers & nothing still has changed with the police. Thankyou for sharing your stalking story ❤

I want to thank you for sharing your story and expressing such important facets of experience. It's should never be the person being subjected that has to defend their actions in the events. We should have left those views in the dark ages along with, "what were you wearing" and "how much did you drink"? I'm very sorry that this is still happening. The other thing I found very valuable was that you show in a very good way that it's not as simple as just being over something. You may have gone through something, dealt with the aftermath, and come out on the other side, different, but still fine. This doesn't mean there's no trace left of what happened. It's perfectly fine to have feelings come back up from triggers, even when you're usually not bothered. People seem to forget this and tend to take it as a sign of weakness, as if the person isn't over it yet. Surviving any life altering event is never a sign of weakness. I hope everyone reading this knows it's a sign of strength to keep going.

I've been stalked by an ex for a while and I'm still living under fear of this person ruining my life further. I was 15 and he was 17, I was under the age of consent but things still happened. I found out he cheated on me three times and so I left the relationship. He then managed to tell all of my friends and anyone I would try to be friends with that I had SA'd him. I felt really alone during the ages of 15-20 cause I spent a lot of it alone because of this person just looming over me and my friends. He would anonymously send me really intense insults and such over so many accounts. I haven't heard anything for over a year now after threatening actual police involvement, but I am still so scared and I miss a lot of my old friends... Dealing with these sort of things are horrible, I fully understand that living in fear and dread every single day for that person to rear their head. You're so brave for talking about this Roly. I fully agree that there is not enough resources that 1) support victims better in these sorts of blackmailing and stalking incidents and 2) that unless there is an actual act of violence, it's not taken seriously....

I literally just binged every episode today and finished it up less than 5 minutes ago!

I'm a 56 year old woman and I'm obese. NO ONE and I mean no one believed me when I was being stalked. I was actually told why would anyone stalk you. Finally I wound up with witnesses and so my boss and the police finally put a stop to it, plus it helped that shortly after he was arrested I moved. I'm sorry this happened to you.

A close family member used to stalk me. She was married to a cop and he would just get her my new numbers and addresses (also meant I couldn't go to the cops for help). She would show up places I worked and cause trouble, lie about me to my friends and other family members with just enough truth that they believed her. I just had to keep running, moving states until she eventually ran out of steam and the cop retired and she lost easy access to my new information. It's been about 5 years since I last heard from her, but I still don't answer the phone for numbers I don't know and she shows up in occasional nightmares. I'm not afraid of her anymore though; it's mostly a bittersweet blend of nostalgia, disillusionment, anger, and pity.

Also had a stalker. Bingewatched it in 1 day. It was never so scary as in the series in my case as my stalker was a big coward, and I have finally said a clear no and called the police, but it took me a long time to get to this point. This series hit hard, so much awful awful memories came back in! It was a great image of how stalking and the emotions surrounding it are.

My hubby had a woman do something similar to him, he was just being nice to her....and when me and him got together she acted like he was cheating on her with me!! He NEVER had a relationship with her!! She brought her friends to his house the night of our FIRST date to confront us. He had to be mean to her to get her to leave. People are crazy.

Roly I truly think you're an amazing person and I'm so sorry this happened to you. I had an ex boyfriend that befriended me in highschool when I had a boyfriend before him, and he did not take any hints. He would be all over me and he would gift me food all of the time, always trying to make me feel something like appreciation. I had to tell the counselors about him and it had stopped temporarily, but once I was single he came after me again. Because he was so good at making me feel appreciated, especially after my breakup, I got together with him which led to the true abuse. The yelling, hitting, and disregarding my boundaries, turning my family against me, breaking up four times, he also would be with other women and be very hypocritical about me not having guy friends, it all eventually made me realize I'm better than that. He still would try to come back a few times, but after my dad and the police spoke to him it's been pretty tame. But man, I still feel unsafe being around town where I know he hangs around. I cannot go to where I think he works, I cannot go to the carwash by myself (he loves to wash his cars), and if I see him at all I can already feel the little heart attack I would get trying to find the best way to avoid him. I can understand what you're talking about, it's not a great feeling, but life goes on and I truly believe karma will get him.

I was stoked by a woman twice my age for a few years and was actually attacked by her 3times. Police where useless! It affected my whole life I was scared to leave the house I was a broken person. It still affects me 12 years later.

I saw the show too, was a hard watch especially during the scenes with the writer guy and the violent scenes, but really well executed. I think Richard Gadd was very brave to share his story and to share it so honestly, not shying away from his own mistakes and flaws as a person who had self-esteem issues and was feeling hopeless with his life. I did think about when you shared your experience when I watched it too, as well as others I've heard like Sweet Anita, it seems weirdly common with content creators online but that may just be cos that's where I've seen it more, or cos the more people you're exposed to the more likely it is you'll come across someone with these tendencies. I saw a youtuber called Alizee speak about Piers Morgan's interview he did with the 'real' person and it annoyed (but didn't surprise) me that he has platformed this person. I know people have said she should have her say and whatever but it feels like people have totally disregarded the whole point of the show, similarly to how some people did when they forced Kit Connor from Heartstopper out of the closet. And it means she is still having an affect on his life now and has been enabled to by the media all for clicks. It has raised awareness and Richard did a great job of showing how he downplayed it in his head and I imagine that'd be quite a common reaction especially for guys being stalked by women cos of the stereotypical cishet norms. Anyway I really admire that you had the attitude of no this is not normal, look at the extent of the messages, how they are contacting family and friends, I don't need to put up with this sort of behaviour. (Also I'm not trying to blame people who haven't had that attitude cos they might not have the self-advocacy skills, may have lower confidence etc, stalking is not the victims fault whatsoever, even in Gadd's case where he engaged with the stalker, it's not an excuse when someone clearly says leave me and my friends/family alone)

Roly, sweet!! 🥺🥹 I've followed your dreadful stalker situation since almost the beginning (cuz I still remember the pfp of that woman, she was always in every single one of your videos leaving comments and such haha) and trust me, it made me realize that what I've been saying for sooo long isn't crazy or absurd: people in general don't take male victims + female perpetrators seriously enough! It's so crazy to me the amount of men and women who will completely dismiss your story as a man, even as a gay man, just because they still think a woman would be incapable of committing such crimes (it has a bit of misogyny, cuz they seem to think a woman can't be strong or smart enough to also be incredibly evil lol). Sending you so many hugs and thoughts of love babes 🫂 💕 Just know that me, another gay man, I sympathize with your situation completely and I'm sure most of your beautiful community thinks the same way. Take care!! ❤❤❤

I just read that the real stalker is thinking about legal action against Netflix.

Jamie questioning his "byeeee" 😂😂😂

I've been through it too Roly, so I can empathise completely. My stalker threatened to kill me, my husband, and my mum. It seemed hopeless and neverending. The police sometimes arrested him, for me it was the courts that let me down. I'm sorry this still affects you now Roly ❤

Well now I am well aboard the trigger train! 🚂 thank you for bringing light to this. How amazing would it be if one person going through something like this got help because of your courage to share! 😊❤

I had an ex partner stalk me online for years. It was very scary considering they where delusional and abusive during our relationship. They made new accounts all the time when I blocked but always left very specific clues in the username/ their bios (like past nicknames, interests, their age, their hometown, pets name, birthdate) so that I would understand who they where. They made up stories about me and posted me to their own insta obsessing of our relationship. So my stalker story is obviously not of the same magnitude of your story, I'm not famous and I knew this person irl before. But I understand a bit of that feeling of almost getting obsessed back because of being scared they might show up somewhere and looking out. I avoided going outside too while I was visiting my hometown all the time. Thankfully they've since moved and I feel a bit more free when being in my hometown at least for visits.

“It was like they were waiting for me to be attacked before they did anything” they were. I was told when I had a stalker that they couldn’t do anything to stop it until he actually made a physical move. They also talked me out of a restraining order saying it would be expensive to upkeep and wouldn’t be worth it. My sister’s ex-husband was mentally unhinged to the point where she told me “I fully believe that if he feels he has nothing left to lose he will come kill me” the police wouldn’t do anything until he would try. Same story with my friend being stalked around university campus by a guy saying what kind of sexual assault he was going to do to her in vivid detail while following her between classes, waiting outside of buildings he knew she was in, she reported him to the campus police, the Dean of students, teachers, etc… she was told she could be expelled if she reported him anymore because she was apparently impeding his education while HE was skipping classes to stalk her. The police told her they couldn’t do anything until he actually hurt her. I had to be her bodyguard because she knew I would protect her when nobody else would. There’s a bunch of shows here in America abiut true crime cases and 100% of them are “she died because police refused to do anything until she was already missing and even then they didn’t let us file a missing persons report for 48 hours and tried to tell us she probably just left on her own.” After months or years of reports about some person stalking and abusing the victim. I saw an article with an interview from an ex-detective and he said “police aren’t here to prevent crime, they’re here to clean up after it.” So basically they’re law *enforcement* officers, not crime prevention officers.

I remember when that was happening to you, Roly. 🥺 I haven't seen Baby Reindeer & I hesitate to watch. I've had two different stalkers before (one a man, and one a woman) who thought they owned me even though one was a total stranger who happened to work in the same building, and the other was a friend of a friend who I had no relationship with other than that. Thank you for talking about this!!

I’m so sorry you had to go through this Roly. Thank you for sharing your story. I hope that you’re feeling better and that this helps you process that trauma a little. And that your story and this movie helps change the way law enforcement reacts to these situations 💜🖤💜

I,m going through something similar right now. I don’t have a large social media presence but there are abusive people in real life who are cyberstalking me. It’s awful. It’s always the people closest to you who hurt you the most. It also scary how it can be a person you never met before. Police don’t listen until you contact them constantly

I was stalked twice, both times by guys that were in the “getting to know” stages. The 1st stalker always knew where I was at all times, it seriously freaked me out when he would randomly call and ask why i was at a specific location and would interrogate who i was with, several times he’d show up at my home when I hadn’t even told him where I lived, I found out later that he had put a tracker in my car. And if i didn’t answer any of his calls (at the time, I worked at a job where we weren’t allowed to use our personal phones) and he would call my office line or just show up at my workplace, it was so uncomfortable for me and my colleagues. The 2nd stalker also knew where i was at all times, i got so pissed off and confronted him, he admitted that he had paid one of his friends to follow me around. He would also show up on my doorstep whenever i was home alone. Insane. To this day he would randomly text from time to time from a new number (i block when i know its him each time) just to “ask how I’m doing”. Both times the police didn’t take it seriously and even said I should be flattered that I had admirers.. it was just absolutely f**ked up and I remember feeling so helpless. This happened years ago, but to this day I still keep switchblades and steel bars in my car and bedroom, I obsessively check and make sure that everything’s locked and nothing’s out of place whenever i leave and come back home, i also push my curtains onto the window sills and put vases and glass items on top all around, just so i can see and hear them break if someone were to break in. I’ve moved several times and each time my dad comes over to install locks 3-4 locks on my doors and cut wood for me to put in my windows so it can’t be opened unless the pieces of wood are removed. Maybe this is all excessive but it was the only way id feel safe at home.

Having been in an extremely abusive relationship before and having dealt with a family member that sadly got involved in allot of crime during their life and was abusive to themselves and our whole family... It's sad that if someone literally comes after you and you try to get police help, if the person pretends to be nice when the cops show up, the cops cannot do anything unless they are causing harm at that exact point and time, no matter how much harm they have caused in the past, the cops will not do anything... So it's hard to say anything about it because if a person can switch like that and you try to get help, you are literally risking making the person even more threatening and risking your own life in the process... Unless the police catch someone murdering you or hitting you or literally doing drugs and other illegal activities, they cannot do anything or they might not belive someone who fakes a smile and niceties to a cop is even the sort to hurt anyone or even themselves... It's sad that unless someones life is in danger right then and or they actually see a crime committed they actually cannot do anything...It's your word against theirs... "WHY DO PEOPLE WAIT TO GET HELP?!"... Because perpetrators of crimes and violence are the type to lie to you and the police and manipulate every detail to their advantage... Because saying something puts your life in more danger at times because if someone doesn't get caught red handed they can easily turn it on you and escalate their behavior and say, "NO ONE CAN HELP YOU NOW" or "LOOK WHAT I CAN GET AWAY WITH AND THE POLICE DON'T CARE!"... I'm not saying don't get help...I'm just talking about the amount of victim blaming that goes on is wild and the way someone can play the police and pretend they are all sweet and innocent is WILD... I'm not saying don't get help...You just have to ask multiple times to be believed or helped until someone finally takes the time to understand that it's really a serious matter... ALWAYS TRY TO GET HELP AS MANY TIMES AS IT TAKES! YOU ARE IMPORTANT AND NO ONE DESERVES TO BE THREATENED OR HURT IN ANY WAY!

You're right about the system failing people and children. When you mentioned crime caes wirh children i instantly thought of Gabriel Fernández and how many times that boy was failed until he died. How can we call it a justice system if there is none.

A horrible man did awful things to me when I was very young. He was immediately removed from my life, but tried to contact me as an older kid, as a teenager, and again as a young adult. Recently I've been finding evidence he may have even been stalking me, just more subtly, in the "quiet periods" too. I've been in therapy for my whole life because of this creep. I'm well aware it's not an option for everyone, but being able to quietly up and move to another state has been my saving grace. It's been 4 years since I had to watch my back, and I can finally breathe. So much love and internet hugs. 💕 No one deserves this crap.

Poor Roly, I can’t even begin to imagine how horrible this all must have been for you. So glad you have your support network around you. X

Yeah! Roly! I haven't seen it (the show of discission) BUT I love to see you and/or Lux shows up in my "feed" 'cuz I am old in AL, USA and you two remind me of the 1990s and my friend (who was taken by AIDS) as Cis, I miss your culture and y'all's kids remind me of happier ti especially (decades ago)

I was stalked for a few years from an ex I was in a relationship with where I also got away from DV. They then couldn't handle that I left and had actual convicted criminals chase me with them to my place of work, where I taught small children. I had to get a police escourt home from work and was so embarrassed. I have actually had 2 stalkers. And yes, the police didn't take it seriously when I went in, and I said that the person/stalker was breaching their intervention order. It was only that a detective passed the front desk and overheard my conversation, interrupted the officer on the desk, and told me to follow him (the detective). It resulted in 6 police and the detective going to raid the home of my stalker (he was also doing other not so great things) and arrested him. I had to spend days with the detective to give a statement and evidence from my Nokia phone at the time. And my parents' phones, etc. This person knew where all my family lived, where my baby sister got on and off the bus to school and more. We were friends from when I was 15 yo and we got together in my early 20s. It took me ages to leave the DV situation to get the intervention order in court to then go back to court on my birthday with my dad to see he's being convicted. He also had a cache of firearms that were taken off of him. (He used to go hunting) we also have super strict gun laws in Australia. Thank God that detective took me seriously. I absolutely get what you're saying, Roly and how you felt and also the interfering with your friends and family. I'm again, so sorry you had to go through it all. Unless it's happened to you, *no one* will ever understand. ❤❤❤❤ Oh, and my 2nd stalker was when there was social media and the amount of Facebook posts, dms, calls, texts, even after blocking as well as the threats of violence while I was in the hospital and them stating they will break through the hospital security to see me. It was insane. And that 2nd stalker wasn't taken as seriously as the first as, you guessed it, a lot of it was social media. The stories I could tell you about it both events would be bonkers. P.S. Baby Reindeer hit me hard as well. And now she's claiming he's lying about it all on this UK talk show. Yikes. She should *not* be getting platformed in ANY way. Edit - my 1st stalker also lied to police about me when they were arrested. Claiming I'd breached the intervention order and had been to their house! Luckily, when their dad came to post bail, their dad defended *me* (he always tried to protect me and was always kind to me), and said to police that I hadn't been near the house since I the order had been in place and that his son was lying to them. I was gobsmacked that his dad, who thought the world of his son, but also witnessed some of the crap he out me through, spoke up for me as it was my word against his sons. Also, another sidenote. They were involved with bikies (biker gangs) but luckily for me, I'd met some of them and they thought I was great and always treated me with respect and kindness, so he couldn't weaponise them against me when he wanted.

I relate to the CPS part. I have lasting damage to my ability to process stress via my nervous system from the abuse and neglect I experienced. Police came and was turned away at the door. The German regional Jugendamt knew and did nothing, and I only got out because i was essentially abandoned and taken in by my aunt who wasn't great but at least provided some essential support. Until I came out as trans but that's a different story. In 2016 I then learnt that my birthgiver had another child which she also mistreated and that she had posted an image of me hugging her dog, claiming I was one of the neighbours children and denying I ever existed. A few years ago I played Tales of Symphonia which has a plotline about siblings being abandoned by their mother and eventually they find her again. She is deeply mentally ill and believes a doll she is holding is one of her children so when the actual kids show up she has a psychotic breakdown and thinks they are strangers. She throws them out and they are heartbroken. And let me tell you, I sobbed. It was horrible because I hate crying and sadness. But it also made me feel incredibly seen. Finally someone admitted that mothers can be horrific and scar their children for life. Finally someone wasn't using her mental illness as an excuse. So yeah there is a lot of power in that.

I had a stalker in highschool who was unfortunately also my next door neighbour, so I didn't feel safe anywhere. The constant stress pretty much broke my mind and I had a nervous breakdown after highschool finished. It's been years and I'm still affected by it.

poor baby. I'm sorry you struggled through the show. I like watching you speak and I respect that you exposed the situation like this

I'm proud of you taking this on. I know you wouldn't do this if you thought you couldn't push through the triggers, and it shows how much healing you've worked for, and I just want to celebrate that. Still, I hope your brain automatically gives a big dose of comfort to compensate. Sending love your way.❤

I wasn’t able to watch this show, it was way too triggering for me. I went out with a guy on two dates and then he started to stalk me, I was working in a hospital nursing when this happened almost 20 years ago! He would come to my work, call 100s of times a day, if I was working afternoon shift or night duty he would be waiting for me at my car when I finished. It got to the point that I had to have security escort me to my car whenever I needed it, he followed me home and found out where I was living. It was hideous and scary. I’m in Australia and I went to the police and they said they couldn’t do anything because he hadn’t done anything to me it was absolutely disgusting, one good thing is that now the laws are starting to change around this sort of thing. Love you and your openness about this it’s needed!

I definitely thought of you when I started watching and it made it all the more difficult to watch, as hard as it already was. Hope you are well!

I'm lucky enough to not have been stalked and I haven't watched the show. Even if a traumatic event happened a long time ago, certain things can trigger feelings as though that person is still going through that trauma. I think it is disgusting that situations like stalking aren't taken seriously until somebody's hurt. It is completely unacceptable to make someone afraid to live their life. I'm so glad you're doing ok now and PLEASE continue being your fun and kind self 😊

i've been very much afraid to watch it, because i was worried it'd activate my ptsd. thank you for being so open and honest with us all about this. because you're right, it impacts every aspect of life. i haven't left my house alone in ....gods. close to a decade at this point.

I'm too scared to watch it but I'm glad people are finally talking about the severe damage stalking can cause folks! and for the people that ask why some victims wait so long to report something: when I went to the police after noticing I was being stalked for about a month at an old job (where I worked with children and was freshly 18) by a creepy dude 20ish years older than me, the only thing they asked me was, "Are you sure he doesn't just have a crush on you?" then sent me on my way bc I was probably trying to twist something innocent around with my vivid imagination. it still took 3 years, a half assed kidnapping attempt, and repeated s* harassment to get protection. it's so sad, stalking victims are NEVER believed by the law. there is no "correct" way to report it, we somehow always do it wrong. it adds so much extra trauma to an already hellish period in someone's life.

Oh my god, I literally had the thought today, I wonder if Roly has watched baby reindeer as he basically had his own Martha. Thanks for sharing

Oh, I’m very interested to hear your thoughts on the show. I had to take breaks while watching it.

The awfulness is that the whole “why didn’t you report this sooner” makes no sense because you wouldn’t have had nearly as much evidence or a case to prove how serious it was. If they didn’t take you seriously after everything you provided them when it had been going on for a while then what would have happened if you had therefore “reported it sooner”

I dated a violent person in 2012 and it escalated to a point where i pursued an order of protection. They snuck into my apt and stared at me until i awoke and then screamed at me for hours (refused to retuen the key so i changed locks), bruised me while trying to force their way into my apt, electronically stalked me, stalked me irl, threatened to tell my parents lies to ruin my relationships with family.... it was terrifying. Before the order, i felt hopeless. They sold drugs and had an arrangement with local police so they could find the larger kingpins. At the time, they were living as woman, so they convinced me that they would easily reverse the truth and the cops would believe that i was the abuser. I have deep social anxiety as well as cptsd, so i truly believed that. Sadly, other toxic people in my life saw me thru the court dates....thankfully, a local dv group saved my life. Well, the law had changed just months before in my state that dv in same sex relationships would be included in dv protections, so that law saved me. ❤

I never expeted you to review this show, also didnt know you made extra videos on different subjects, but im sooo glad you did, more people need to be having this discussion! Stalking + SA can happen to anyone at anytime, and awarness+acceptence of this fact is the most important step to helping survivors reach out to get help!

Thank you for being willing to share. People need to understand how these situations actually start and the real harm that happens. I appreciate your insight on the topic generally as well

An amazing insight Roly. I'm glad you got out the other end of your trauma ok. Yes, Richard Gadd wrote and starred in that show and yes it's closely based on his true story. It must have been traumatising for him to do that. You're right about the law not taking things seriously. I was a victim of something icky years ago, and had a breakdown as a result. Many people in my life were badly affected. The police weren't interesting because there was no actual physical contact. Afterwards I ut in a complaint to the police complaints commission and a meeting was arranged with the very useless Warwickshire police and they have reviewed their police training and processes. So - I was pleased there was a good outcome. The perpetrator was convicted in the end and is now on the sex offenders register for life. I wonder if you could get together with Richard Gadd - or alone - try to get to talk to the government about this. You are right - the law needs fixing. You have influence, and this is a very hot topic right now because of baby reindeer

I can understand having to reprocess everything after watching something so similar. I find it offensive that these horrible people are treated like celebrities. It just gives other deranged people the idea that it's okay to chase fame this way. Media has a lot to do with this as well. I understand the need to warn the public of such dangerous people, but they need to learn to do so without hyping them up to folk lore status. I'm glad you're doing better. 💜

I just adore you Roly! It is hard to talk about something that others may not necessarily have any experience with themselves. My stalker was female and she wasn't infatuated with me, she was incredibly jealous to the point she is still messing with my life a year later. Getting a restraining order does nothing, as you know, when the person is completely unhinged! They don't care about a piece of paper. I'm sorry Roly. I can see what people are drawn to you and fascinated by you but it's a whole other ballgame when the person is psychotic or dangerously obsessive. I'm sorry you are going through this.

I am so glad you did this video, I am a fairly new Roly fan and when I watched the videos recently about your stalker, I had already seen the series and learned that the actor in it is really who dealt with these issues, so the names are 'fake' but the story is true and happened to him.. Martha/Fiona from baby reindeer talks exactly like your stalker did to you!! seriously bipolar between love and hate over the smallest perceived slights. So your videos really gave me flashes to the series and his story. Honestly it's sad for the stalkers too, clearly they're not right in the head but I am so sad anyone has to deal with being stalked and harassed like that. that is not something anyone deserves to deal with. People talk a lot about how being 'famous' means you should expect fans and no privacy.. I disagree with that and the internet makes it so much harder for people in the public eye to even exist as a human. So glad you got to stay safe.

I was stalked, but it was someone I knew and I managed to handle it without police, but it was terrifying. Not having any idea even WHO was stalking you sounds so nightmarish. Police aren't really empowered to do a lot about stalking, in general, but I do feel like there's some sexism involved in thinking "oh, a man can handle a female stalker." As if women can't be violent or dangerous. I loved the show, but it also triggered some hard memories for me from the other big part of the show. But in other ways it was kind of validating. And I'm glad you are here and are talking about it. You, and everyone, deserve to feel safe, especially at home.

I’m so sorry this happened to you :(♥️ I understand the ‘not reporting’ and baby reindeer displays the reasons well

I hate that the police, no matter where you're from, doesn't do anything until something awful has happened. Sometimes we act later than the event happened because we sometimes think it will not happen again, it will solve intself, it can't get any worse, they're going to get tired eventually. But there's a lot of deranged people out there. It's great that you could solve it eventually, but sometimes you remember and relive things, and the panic attack and anxiety ensues. Stay safe everyone, trust your instincts and have someone you can really trust to talk this kind of things out.

When watching baby reindeer and listening to you talking about your first interaction with your stalker all i kept thinking of was the saying- no good deed goes unpunished. It wasn't either of your faults, you were just being kind and polite. You weren't to know the person was deranged.

as someone who expieranced a lot of similar things he did, and did a lot of the same mistakes as he did. it was such a hard watch but also oddly healing to see it

damn roly i am so sorry for you, the moment you talked about how much it triggered you, and even your heart rate, scares me in the way that it is extremely relatable. i personally had it with the series “the bear”, and still to this point have not finished the first series even tho it is amazingly good and i want to eventually. i watched it not knowig really what it was about. now, in the first episode already i was saying to my friend that i have like a weird feeling about the main characte - to then by the end saying but damn this guy has ptsd no? well it was a 2 second search to find what the series was about then, the triggers in that series comes to me so hard that just like you said the triggers are extreme, from sweating to heartrate up, hyperventilation. lots of positive vibes for you and everyone who needs it 🌸🍀🌼

I haven't watched Baby Reindeer, and I have no idea what it's like to be stalked, but I have PTSD from a period of repeated sexual assault, so.. in some ways I understand? I understand trauma. I understand "why didn't you do x?" People like to believe in a certain situation they can avoid it happening, because understanding that these things could happen to anyone, and we don't know how we would react is frightening. It's sort of a self preservation in a way to think "oh that would never happen to me! I would do it differently and I'll be fine!". I was lucky in my experience with the police. They were kind, understanding and helpful. I'm so sorry it didn't work out that way for you. That makes me so angry for you. In all seriousness, I hope you've had some support for the trauma, and had some PTSD therapy. You've been through something absolutely awful. You seem to have an excellent support network of friends, and that's important, but private sessions with a therapist to just get it all out can be truly beneficial. Sending you so much love Roly. You didn't deserve any of this. You deserve to feel safe. One of my close friends is a popular KZfaqr, and I have just a taste of the insanity that it is to be a KZfaqr reading his comments section, and the Reddit that was made about him, and KiwiFarms bullshit about him. Ugh. The KZfaqr world is quite unhinged at the best of times!! Parasocial relationships are mad. I'm waffling on, but please take care Roly. X

Oh Roly, your lived experience is important, as is the gentleman in this show. Im sorry the overhang of your stalker is having on your current mindset. Then shows like this will bring these things to the forefront but this video shows you are compassionate and kind. I hope that going forward you are happy and well. ❤

Bless you Roly for making this video. It will help a lot of people process a very difficult experience. Excellently made and presented video.

Your right people have treated the woman like a celebrity and it’s what she wants. She wants the attention. She could have done this privately but didn’t. She or anyone like this should not been seen that way by people it’s disgusting that they see them like that

I'm very sorry you went through that, I havent been stalked but I've had DV in my past and understand how triggering shows and movies can be. I've had to excuse myself when watching things with friends before. And it's the same again with people saying "why didn't you just do this?" Unless you're in that situation, you can't know and you can't judge. I truly hope you're doing better now ❤

I'm so sorry to hear this @extraRoly. I was attacked & it still affects me to this day. No one deserves this! Keep up being strong. Much love ❤

the woman who stalked Richard, she got an interview by Piss Morgan to prove that the story was not real, and she gave herself a disservice that it was proven that the story was completely true, that part is so satisfying

I think it's amazing that you are bringing this again to the public eye and sharing how it affected you as it does have a long-term effect on you and your mental health. Police don't take crimes against men seriously, and they should. Well done for watching it. It was hard to watch. I also think the fame she is getting is horrendous. You ramble and get it all out. It's best to get it out. ❤❤❤