BACKSTABBERS AND FAMILY DRAMA: THE TOXIC GRIP OF BETRAYAL

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BACKSTABBERS AND FAMILY DRAMA: THE TOXIC GRIP OF BETRAYAL

Рет қаралды 13,700

Күн бұрын

Backstabbers often hide in toxic family dynamics.
Backstabbers are individuals who seem to be on your side one minute, but later change their position to go against you.
Backstabbers can be found in very toxic family dynamics including outside of your family.
Backstabbing, as the definition tells us, is feigning friendship or kindness while engaging in evil behaviors behind your back.
Behaviors such as lying, triangulating, being "two-faced," cheating, bullying or intimidation, stalking, manipulating, etc. can lead to lifelong relationship challenges including psychological and emotional needs.
In this live chat, I discuss dark psychology of backstabbers.
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#trauma #tamarahilllpc #TOXICFAMILY
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DISCUSSED IN THIS CHAT:
2:18 relational aggression and dark psychology
3:00 Machiavellianism and backstabbing
8:53 family backstabbers (with examples)
12:34 dark psychology (tactics are designed and crafted)
14:20 WHAT BACKSTABBERS TEND TO DO
15:17 paltering and "molding"
24:15 Intimacy and predatory stalkers use crafted tactics
34:25 are backstabbers cowards?
38:00 WHY DO THEY DO THIS?
*discussion in-between content
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Mentioned In The Video (research & further information):
1. The Co-Development of Relational Aggression and Disruptive Behavior Symptoms from Late Childhood through Adolescence
www.ncbi.nlm.n...
2. Differential parenting and sibling jealousy: Developmental correlates of young adults' romantic relationships
www.ncbi.nlm.n...
3. Parenting Characteristics and Callous-Unemotional Traits in Children Aged 0-6 Years: A Systematic Narrative Review
link.springer....
4. The Heritability of Callous and Unemotional Traits
www.psychology...
5. Mommy Dearest movie • Mommie Dearest
6. Aspects of morbid jealousy
www.cambridge....
7. The relationship between parental role expectations and sibling jealousy: the mediating effect of first-born children’s role cognition
www.ncbi.nlm.n...
8. How Family Alliances Affect Your Daughter
www.familyeduc...
9. Early Maladaptive Schemas and Their Impact on Parenting: Do Dysfunctional Schemas Pass Generationally?-A Systematic Review
www.ncbi.nlm.n...
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DISCLAIMER:
*Videos are provided for exploration and educational purposes only and does not constitute clinical suggestions or consultation for individual cases.
If you or someone you know is having a medical emergency involving harm to self, please reach out to the suicide prevention hotline suicideprevent....
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----Contact me-------(BUSINESS INQUIRIES ONLY)
I'm Támara, a licensed and internationally/Board certified trauma mental health therapist, with over 15 years experience. I specialize in helping children, teens, and families with mental illness. I also treat psychological/emotional trauma in children, teens, and adults.
If you'd like to contact me or inquire about my international consultations, you may email me at contact@anchoredinknowledge.com. *Please note: all consultations are charged a fixed rate fee based on the case content.
Mail me stuff!
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Пікірлер: 176

@Mllascelles1 2 ай бұрын

Backstabbing or Mackavellianism is probably one of the hardest familial and close friend betrayals to move past. Its always covert, cunning, and passive aggressive.

@TherapistTamaraHill 2 ай бұрын

Yes. Agree.

@thirstonhowellthebird 2 ай бұрын

The thing is, you don’t even really know it’s happening, even though people are shying away from you and treating you strange you won’t really know the extent of it for decades. My sisters did this to me. From the time I was maybe three years old decades later I’m hearing the truth from people who now are apologizing for their role, which infuriates me because it’s simply too little too late and the things they said about me so that I wouldn’t have a support system or friends and would never rise above them. They didn’t want me to marry first or have children first or have a decent life so they trashed me behind my back. It didn’t work out so well for them, though, because I found and started a business because what else was there to do and that sent me on an incredible life path. Their lives went through the predictable path that usually happens to evil people. The success I found though never helped ease the heartache of that betrayal and it never will. She bragged to me once and told me that she got a girl at her job fired and how easy it was. The girl wanted a promotion that my sister wanted so my sister framed her and got her fired and then bragged about it to me. I remember saying to myself and to her “wow I hope you never turn that on me” having no idea she had been doing that to me my entire life, it’s a special kind of evil that I don’t think a normal person can even wrap their head around.

@AlliannaFitness 2 ай бұрын

It's hard to detect from close friends I have a Friend who is successful in most areas of life and has a top job in the Social Work field. Ever since I tried to change my life around for the better, I'm sure she was using manipulative techniques on me wilfully, that made me doubt myself, little strange things I had to keep questioning. I also have also started to get paranoid & question whether my Mother & Sister Tag Team together in a silent way to make me feel less than. I'm a fully grown Adult yet I can't draw a distinction of whether my self worth is actually low , or they are trying to make me feel like I have none because of not achieved a status in life that is not of a standard that most people around me have.

@Smartbeautifulawesome 2 ай бұрын

They are so weird and sad little humans

@MonicaMontgomery_ 2 ай бұрын

Yes.

@Scene68 2 ай бұрын

Backstabbing is the type of betrayal that affects your confidence and your fears, especially when you try to make future connections. It's the worst form of PTSD.

@TherapistTamaraHill 2 ай бұрын

I wouldn't necessarily say it's the "worst form" but I would say that it depends on what your betrayal is, how long it has happened, and if it has caused long-term psychological or emotional challenges. Every's betrayal reaction is different. I do agree it affects almost every ounce of who a person is.

@rubberbiscuit99 2 ай бұрын

My sister's betrayals and gaslighting led me to cut off contact with her. Not sure what they heard about me, but my other sibling and my father bought into whatever she wanted them to believe about me, and I was abused and then exiled. I realized how easy it was for her to pull off my alienation. I sat back and waited, to see if anyone would ask me about what happened, but they did not. They already believed negative things about me, and/or it was easy for them to go along with her, so they did. Super depressing.

@thirstonhowellthebird 2 ай бұрын

I know how badly it hurts, but you are not alone if that helps at all. This is a spiritual world. It’s very hard to understand that evil is real and worse than that it can exist in those we love and Call family. You deserved and deserve better.

@ElizzzaB 2 ай бұрын

The smear campaign....is so effective sadly.

@MSSHARIII 2 ай бұрын

@@thirstonhowellthebirdWell said 🙏🏾💖

@jeannettekyleschiarimalfor9434 2 ай бұрын

❤️ ME TOO JUST KNOW SATAN IS THE FATHER OF LIES 👉 YOU ARE NOT BOUND TO WHATEVER THOSE DIPS LIED ABOUT ON YOU 🫂 DEFINITELY MY TATTERED HEAD STORY I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THEY SAID TO SHUN ME 👉 GOD DOES AND THE MESS DOESN'T 👉 FIT WHO I AM 😘

@MonicaMontgomery_ 2 ай бұрын

The same thing happened to me. I fell out with my Father, and shortly after my Sisters. They pretended to be neutral initially, but then came the condescending comments, sly remarks, energy shift, etc. They couldn't hide it anymore, true colors came out. I went no contact with them as well. When I find myself feeling bad about it, I remind myself that I'm better off without them in my Life. They were never for me to begin with. Best wishes. 🙏🏽❤️

@shereerabon8551 2 ай бұрын

I have a cousin who always came off as loving children. So much that people would trust her to leave their children with her. One day in particular will never leave my mind! A young lady who our family embraced when her mom was killed by her own son when she was only 14. This girl got pregnant at 16. She believed that her new extended family actually loved her and her new baby. She left the baby with my cousin. The moment the mother walked away from her child, the 6 months old baby started to cry. The moment the mother was out of sight, my cousin started shouting at the baby saying, “shut up little black B!” I ran out and chased the baby’s mother down before she could leave and told her! 😊😢

@MSSHARIII 2 ай бұрын

What on earth?????!😢😢😢 That is incredibly disturbing! Thank you SO much for sharing and also for telling the baby's mother. What did she do?

@w8what575 2 ай бұрын

That’s what I’ve discovered about the types that play off the perfect mom act…my sister thinks she’s the perfect mom because she never says no to her daughters…ever. They’re tyrants! I saw how my sister treated other kids when her daughters came up and took the toys from the other kids and put them in a pile and wouldn’t share any toys with the daycare kids my sister had there…my sons knew better and would just sit in the corner and daydream…so I hung out and just watched..,one kid tried to take the toy back from my niece and my niece smacked this younger kid with the toy! So she started crying from being smacked with this toy! My sister came in and yelled at the kid who got hit for trying to take her daughter’s toys..why have a daycare if ur not gonna let the other kids play with the toys or do anything and ur daughter is a tyrant hoarding the toys in the corner like a greedy little brat!? It’s not teaching that child how to be anything but a narcissistic brat bully…but everyone believes this act my sister puts on! She’s even taken her daughters when they were still very young to the bar with her for a pool tournament and posted pictures on Facebook of her daughter sitting there with open beer around her…if I’d done that, I would have been taken out and lynched by my family and community! I don’t trust anyone anymore! All the good people u would think are in their line of work because they’re good people aren’t there for the right reason.,,they’ll exploit people and stab them in the back for no reason and cause problems they don’t need …makes me sick

@mercedesharrison5550 2 ай бұрын

Wow, what happened after you told mom?

@Bar_Bar27 2 ай бұрын

Backstabbing is also ignoring someone. Which causes them to feel invisible and inferior. Especially when it's your own family doing it to you on a constant basis and on purpose. This was my childhood

@bernicesosa566 2 ай бұрын

😢

@Catalina812 2 ай бұрын

What about "Dog Piling?" Where the entire family verbally jumps all over only one member, all at the same time?

@missnyssah8048 2 ай бұрын

This happened to me the last time I was dumb enough to fly to Tucson...snakes...

@OceanLover805 2 ай бұрын

It’s tiring to have to continue experiencing this from multiple people. Family, friends and coworkers. It seems to be a theme in my life no matter how much I try to get away from toxic people they just keep coming. Sometimes I wonder if I’m cursed. It really feels that way. I know life is hard, but at this point it’s like literally hell. Tired of walking on egg shells and hiding what I do from people because if most find out they get jealous or envious and have been backstabbed so many times it’s a wonder I have a back lol. To do this to people it’s pure evil I don’t care what they went through when they were younger to get them to this. My childhood was severely traumatic and I didn’t become hateful like this 😞

@nancyP7448 2 ай бұрын

I felt cursed also. When I was young, I thought I had some sort of marking on my forehead....ugh. I probably still do. But learning....

@pendennis123 2 ай бұрын

I’m 54 now and have experienced the same as you. A lifetime of it from every direction. Now I just focus on my children, grand children, my animals and myself. I’ve finally found some peace but that’s a learning curve in itself. Love and best wishes to you.

@stylist62 2 ай бұрын

Exactly my story

@jasmintorino6129 2 ай бұрын

It's time for you to set boundaries and speak up for yourself.

@OceanLover805 2 ай бұрын

@@pendennis123 ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️

@user-mq8bh5jz6j 2 ай бұрын

My mother was the chief backstabber and taught my sisters to do the same! Very sad! What a waste of life!

@TherapistTamaraHill 2 ай бұрын

Oh my. I'm sorry. But I do agree it is a waste of life to behave this way.

@fifilafleur5555 2 ай бұрын

My backstabbers did much of their backstabbing for their own agendas. Some of it had to do with inheritance and to destroy close family relationships. Also to damage my standing within my family. Also to play the victim & garner attention for themselves at my expense. Sometimes just out of plain old animosity, meanness and because they don’t like me for whatever their reasons. Most of them I have been very kind to.

@TherapistTamaraHill 2 ай бұрын

I'm sorry you have experienced this. Backstabbing over inheritance within a family is more common than we think. It's a very ugly reality. I hope you have found some peace.

@w8what575 2 ай бұрын

It’s almost like they believe kindness deserves the torment because they think the person is weak …show them ur not weak and show them the assertive side of u…it scares the crap out of them when u do and can articulate why what they’re doing is wrong and uncalled for and u won’t tolerate it any longer

@chilloften 2 ай бұрын

Awesome presentation. What’s crazy is that the others fall for this fakery, like sheep. Can’t stand them.

@TherapistTamaraHill 2 ай бұрын

Thank you! And I agree. It's a sickening dynamic.

@bougiehippie 2 ай бұрын

I realized that is because they dislike you too

@findmypulse 2 ай бұрын

My twin sister used my autoimmune conditions to craft a narrative of me being an inadequate mother to a 17-year old & 20-year old because I had to take naps. I don’t work. If I worked I’d be away from home. What’s the difference if I’m in my room sleeping because my health requires it? My children could come wake me up, if I was needed. She undermined me by convincing my kids that I exaggerated my health. I never have. The implication is that when we couldn’t afford (because I didn’t work) & we couldn’t go on vacations (because of my limitations), it was a fabrication when it was my/our reality. She also told them I was controlling because I expected chores to be done every Saturday. I was reasonable - 1 or 2 tasks by noon. The irony is that she couldn’t even get her son to go to school; take a shower; do his homework. She knew many of my neighbors and convinced them I was crazy, along with extended family. When I was losing my children’s trust as a result of her manipulation, I had a breakdown. I was hospitalized for a week. Now, she can point to that and say, “see, I told you she was crazy!” This all haunts me to do this day. And, there’s so much more to it.

@MonicaMontgomery_ 2 ай бұрын

I can tell you are a wonderful Mother, and you're definitely not crazy. ☺️❤️ Your Sister sounds a lot like mine. She's clearly not happy, and she's projecting her feelings onto you. Your Children are older and know if they need you, you're there. If you did Work, she would say you didn't spend enough time with your Kids, these miserable people find a problem with everything. Distance or no contact is always the best solution. Sending love and healing energy your way. God bless. 🙏🏽🌻🙂

@w8what575 2 ай бұрын

Omg! Same thing for me except now it’s my oldest son going around saying I’m exaggerating my illness and that I’m a drug addict etc.,.I had physical trauma to my mouth and head when I was 8 and now in my 40s it’s evident,..but it’s believed it’s all caused by drug use…lol…everyone forgot all about the face plant to a curb that happened when I was 8 and I was left for dead and never taken to the doctor at all…found out when I was 30 and was sick to the point my lungs were filling with fluid that I had broken my nose and crushed my cheekbone which healed and made it impossible to breathe easily..,my blood oxygen levels dropped to dangerous levels every time I even sat back in a chair….the specialist that discovered the issue said I was lucky I lived past 10! That I should have died of SIDS type death from the injuries! The pupils of my eyes will dilate to two different sizes which is indication of severe head trauma…but nope…it’s drugs …and my son and my niece broke in to my apartment and stole a bunch of my jewelry and now are telling people that they saw a big bag of drugs in my purse and that’s what’s being used as their proof….yet they didn’t take a picture both having big fancy phones and they said I was out of town when this happened…,idk anyone who would go out of town without their license and money or purse and every addict I’ve ever known in my past wouldn’t t be able to leave their drugs at home and go out of town…if ur an addict u don’t leave ur drugs at home like that lol….but it doesn’t matter what I say it’s what they need me to be…

@oOIIIMIIIOo 2 ай бұрын

At 17 and 20 they are old enough to mostly do their sh.t. Don't let them gaslight you into feeling a bad mom. Btw, 20 is adult.

@fairygurl9269 2 ай бұрын

The More You Know 🌈 The Less You Fear

@ElizzzaB 2 ай бұрын

Wish I had the information back in the day.

@Erica-cf1xb Ай бұрын

It's done insidiously to the degree that even if you heard the words you wouldn't know what to look for. It's poisonous gas emitted from evil people. It doesn't both most because they share everything that is NOT TO BE SHARED. Alot of germ swapping and sniggling.

@danitajminer3279 2 ай бұрын

Machiavellians justify the means for a desired result, regardless of harm.

@fifilafleur5555 2 ай бұрын

When family members backstab & ostracize one family member is it jealousy???

@TherapistTamaraHill 2 ай бұрын

It certainly can be! Sadly, if there is jealousy that would make the backstabbing much easier of an offense to commit. The "bad behavior" is justified when feelings of jealousy arise within them. It's so sad.

@thirstonhowellthebird 2 ай бұрын

Always and also as you age, never forget, it’s usually as well about inheritance. The scapegoat of the family usually does well in their life, but the people who behave this way usually do not do so well financially so they count heavily on an inheritance and they will do anything to get it, even if it means destroying you and your reputation in the family and certainly your reputation with the benefactor, it’s what they do.

@Smartbeautifulawesome 2 ай бұрын

Ignore, report and document abuse to authorities and organizations so it doesn’t escalate or at least brings awareness of issues in the area

@fairygurl9269 2 ай бұрын

Yes Document & Trust Yourself ❤

@w8what575 2 ай бұрын

The most important thing is to never doubt what u already know happened…gaslighting is evil….i hate being made to feel like I’m expecting something more then what I am and anyone else would also expect etc…just because it’s me means it’s unreasonable? Why? lol

@stylist62 2 ай бұрын

He came in my home, I was afraid to talk, relax, So charming in public, was slandering me, making me look like he was. There is no answer but demon possessed, the crafty tactics , in some instances,they aren’t smart enough to do, it’s the evil spirits in them.

@Luv2be 2 ай бұрын

Finally, what I experienced being in my sorority explained. They were pros at what you speak of.

@daringgreatly8473 2 ай бұрын

Just because we feel jealous does not mean someone is trying to make us jealous. Some people don’t understand this and will lash out.

@libertycan6959 2 ай бұрын

I do ruminate often but seems I figure things out as I do. Is hard to let go but it was through ruminating I started to figure out the manipulation and the history. I live alone and mostly isolated, so I don't talk to anyone and because so many years of isolation that I don't really like I am not really good with people as I before. Quite the matrix.

@TajDaOracleSage 2 ай бұрын

Breath of fresh air to my soul bodies journey, I use to be conflicted with sharing my truths being to concerned about other people outside of me ego instead of focusing and mastering my own mind and heart not doing that sh!t anymore. I now love who I am becoming for me and my 11 year old son who see"s what he see and know what he know. You inspired me to stay on my path with confident belief that I now know I am not crazy and Highly and Divinely protected in my truths. You are appreciated.

@angelacahill9460 2 ай бұрын

This describes my mother back in the day. Complete character assassination within my family when I was an adolescent/ teenager. Now it describes my sister here in the present day. She is a psychopath.

@dyanbohannon7011 2 ай бұрын

I never ever saw the pain coming. And never never ever dreamed of causing harm or hurt to another. Its really sick and unhealthy.

@OddJaxx900 2 ай бұрын

This is really good. I'm going through this right now with my brothers

@TherapistTamaraHill 2 ай бұрын

Thank you. Glad this is helpful to you. And I'm sorry. No one wants to believe their own siblings can behave this way.

@eeyoresgirl55 2 ай бұрын

So much abuse begins in the family and continues throughout our lives. There will never be enough resources devoted to changing that paradigm.

@CherokeeGodly 2 ай бұрын

Hello there I love that you are talking about these deep topics ❤

@TherapistTamaraHill 2 ай бұрын

Thank you!🤗I'm glad these are helpful to the channel!

@malabuha 2 ай бұрын

A backstabber is powerless if the people who receive the diminishing information about their friends or family red flag the information and the person it was coming from. It's an instinctive reaction that protects your ego, because the moment you hear someone talking like that about another you are aware that you could be next. A backstabber can only be successful with another backstabber. Somebody with no integrity

@jadedlulz 2 ай бұрын

My mom gave my siblings and everyone who cared to listen to how i was such a promiscuous person and should be avoided. Jokes on her as if you live long enough, the truth will come to light.

@nancyP7448 2 ай бұрын

I've had to go No Contact with my entire family because of my mother. She taught everyone to distrust, look down upon, be scared of me. I'm sad that I had to leave, but I did. Proud of myself, but now dealing with my mistrust of just about everyone. Ugh.

@DeniseLaFranceCDNpainter 2 ай бұрын

Talking about you while talking to you.... *( pretending to gossip about someone else to you when they're really describing you) is a total narcissistic technique . Talking about you TO you. I had a fake *(now, ex) ' friend' do this to me long ago... and then years later, she was describing to me how to get to someone... and then she describe using that covert, passive-aggressive technique she kept in her Arsenal. Operative word: ARSE!

@mercedesharrison5550 2 ай бұрын

My former friend did this to me too. Heavy on the former. Cut her off two years ago, total blindside for her as she had abandonment issues. She tried to come back. I would not have her back.

@las9582 2 ай бұрын

Lol my sister did this before, I called it out she didn't know what to say.

@cristinalz9395 Ай бұрын

I wish I had made this live! I have a half sister that's a hateful alcoholic that will invite me over, we drink and do yardwork and other stuff I helped her with, as I'd stay over the weekend, and after a few drinks would " what I say turns into Sybil" .. she starts with blaming me of being born and taking love from my father away from her, having lost her father at a young age and adopted by my father and finally having that love for her. Then backstabbing me by telling my family I'm a heavy drinker and not healthy! Finally her drunk calls have stopped! Not sure why? But I'm grateful! This went on for over 25 years! ❤

@sassycassie5478 18 күн бұрын

Backstabbing is one of the lowest forms of emotional abuse. My ex Narc ran to his family and slaundered my name over and over again. He turned his family against me in a deliberate and cruel act. I used to have a good relationship with these people before loose lips destroyed that. It is a horrible act of Betrayal. I felt like i was set upon by not only the Narc, but everyone he involved in the gossip. I am a 48kg 57 year old woman with health concerns. I was hoping to be cherished respected and loved. I was essentially sleeping with the enemy. Never again. Its been 2.5 mnths since i asked him to leave my house. The gaslighting, rage, neglect, emotional and financial abuse was something that was killing me. I had to have the police remove him. He was like a rabid dog. Once his mask slipped and i truly saw him for what he was( Radical Acceptance) I knew there was no going back for the 25th time. What a horrible situation someone can put you in who claims they love you. Essentially he was putting me in harms way instead of having my back.

@livesolarge Ай бұрын

Thank you for providing this important information. This truly does help me to put some family behaviors into perspective. To be specific it is my husband's family. Recently there was a family death and my in-laws travelled from WY to TX and my FIL totally let his mask slip and unloaded on my sister-in-law and now is behaving horribly towards her. I am trying to be kind to her and to provide supportive words to her. I have shared your channel as well as a few other channels from professionals with her.

@TherapistTamaraHill Ай бұрын

You're welcome! And thank you for sharing this channel with people who my benefit. It's difficult living in this. I hope you have some peace as you move forward.

@AlliannaFitness 2 ай бұрын

What are the effects of betrayal on the individual.?

@TherapistTamaraHill 2 ай бұрын

That's a good question. I would suggest watching my previous video on post betrayal syndrome: kzfaq.infoG9YTJ1NwJ_U. But in short, I would say if the betrayal is frequent or occurs often throughout life, you can develop a form of PTSD known as complex PTSD. You can struggle with a lot of trust issues, fear of abandonment, mental health problems, relationship and attachment issues, etc. My video above may offer more insights.

@janetromey7522 2 ай бұрын

@TherapistTamaraHill If they can't get you in debt, enslaved, or obligated then they'll create an event like a trip or a dinner and invite you saying it's all covered, They'll take care of it, then they turn around and say your portion is $700 to keep you trapped. It's another way to punish you. They knew you didn't have the money or needed to plan a different trip for your family. You, and your finances are theirs to manipulate.

@Erica-cf1xb Ай бұрын

Betrayal is like a puncture to the heart. It hurts so bad that the soul cries out. Nothing anyone say can alleviate the pain. It will cause you to make hard life choices using your brain...but they attack that too. Only the Holy Bible can help you. People are wayyyy too comfortable doing this.

@dianawoods1503 2 ай бұрын

Wow, you literally just described my last 12 years and the characteristics fit perfectly to my middle child/oldest daughter. It hurts how familiar this is but thank you because it’s encouraging to hear it all in a whole letting you really see the dynamics and just how real this is.

@TherapistTamaraHill 2 ай бұрын

I'm sorry. This is a complicated dynamic and not one anyone wants. I'm sure you are tired. 😔

@melliecrann-gaoth4789 2 ай бұрын

Very successful workplace bullies.

@Elizabethpepper8 2 ай бұрын

Would this constitute as Machivillianism? Older sibling agrees when you ask for their assistance updating your portfolio but avoid ever doing it. Getting a job offer, but unable to follow through due to lack of support for child care. And the lack of employment is used as blame for your poor mental health. "Sitting on your ass not doing Anything". Or just sabotage?

@TherapistTamaraHill 2 ай бұрын

I understand. I'm not sure I would call that machivillianism because we don't know if she had any feelings of pleasure lying to you after agreeing to help you. Perhaps we could say this is sabotage. Whatever the label, it's a problematic situation indeed.

@illuminationgoddess3 2 ай бұрын

I learned a lot.

@TherapistTamaraHill 2 ай бұрын

🙌😊

@melaniehinds 2 ай бұрын

Love this I am a new Subscriber Husbands Sister did this to me did everything textbook and we have been exiled. We are happily married 22 years thankfully as a couple it has made us stronger!

@TherapistTamaraHill 2 ай бұрын

Welcome!! Glad to have you on the channel. This is so difficult to deal with. You can come out on the other side though. That's the good part.

@ceceschannel7804 2 ай бұрын

I remember one time when I had an aquarium with angel fish in it; I was showing my toddler niece how they would come up and touch your fingertips, like a kiss. My mother turned around and told my brother (my niece’s father) that I was teaching her that because I was going to get piranhas. I never had any intention of getting piranhas.

@mercedesharrison5550 2 ай бұрын

🥴🥴🥴

@ojalara3937 2 ай бұрын

You describe my mother. An accomplished Marriage & Family therapist. 2 masters degree's 25 years experience. you can google her. Temper tantrums and shaming all the time. Cussed me out when I moved out of the house. Had my degree and a job and stayed in the house for a couple of years after college. She still had a tantrum and cussed me out. She just cusses everyone out and then runs to an empty room to call someone crying about how shes being abused and everyone is out to get her. Crazy chick

@ReRe_642 2 ай бұрын

Yes this is so so real boy wait for my book. Lord have mercy. The evil & jealousy behind it. It’s scary.

@user-vo9fb9ig9w 2 ай бұрын

😮 I'm dealing with this in own family and I wish I had someone to talk to about it

@JKDVIPER 2 ай бұрын

I can put it simply. 1. PERSON SHOWS UP and says "Hey, information matters? Ya, like.... The truth. So you say, "Ok, I got Chu. And low and behold you prove it, now later on, you're faced with WE THINK DIFFERENT. 😂❤painting, projection, nasty gossiping, mean spirited attitudes. Ya, it stinks. I try to be STOIC and not care, but when the gossip causes you anxiety, you're smart, you know that bad things happen to good people. So we don't wanna get screwed for showing up to the game so to speak. 😊💯✨

@eyerockart 2 ай бұрын

Thank you so much. You have described my mother and what she’s taken me through most of my life.

@gailhicks6547 4 күн бұрын

One of my brothers is trying to guilt me into not cutting off other family members……I take that as a betrayal. I just can’t do it any longer. Whole family seems to be toxic……..parents are gone now but they were, too. It gets lonely sometimes….sad.

@MSSHARIII 2 ай бұрын

You are a fantastic resource and have helped me to understand the psyche of a sick and evil aunt. Any time she believes that someone has gone against her (based on situations she creates in her mind) she sets out to completely destroy that person. From making up false allegations to setting up assults and even murders. She continues to navigate through life fooling many as she can appear to be loving and supportive. The deception is enormous, but we have to realise that evil people can do good things, not because they are good people, but as a tool to harm. We must always understand the intention behind action. This is a spiritual battle. Stay vigilant, it is always the people nearest to you.🙏🏾

@angien5431 2 ай бұрын

I just came across this I have been going through this for years and o feel stuck I’m having to deal with people I called family who lie to me take from me and backstab me for years now trying to pull away but they literally stop by my house to bring me down more pull me in make me question my reality . Gets me in public and shames me in front of others … I’ feel vulnerable it’s like a constant attack . Always waiting on the next betrayal .

@TherapistTamaraHill 2 ай бұрын

I'm so sorry. This is painful t say the least. I see this so much in my work. I hope that some of these conversations had on the channel lately may be helpful to you too.

@LexieEverything 2 ай бұрын

Thank you for this episode it just validated me! I just stumbled on to your channel yesterday and you have made me feel at peace that I am not wrong on everything I've had to deal with. Thank you!

@TherapistTamaraHill 2 ай бұрын

You're welcome!!

@CamGoesCamping 2 ай бұрын

Sorry I missed the live! I was out living amongst the bears for the weekend. Hehe Plumbing issues are the worst! I hope you got the issue resolved. Thanks for the video! :)

@TherapistTamaraHill 2 ай бұрын

Sometimes out with the bears is THE BEST place to be. 😆 And thank you! The matter is finally resolved!

@deborahedwards5004 2 ай бұрын

Some church folks use paltering as a technique to become busybodies in other people business!

@Erica-cf1xb Ай бұрын

Cults do this. Lay hands and prey on you. It's NOT THE SAME GOD. Evil wear many masks and is working overtime in churches. Everything forbidden they do it.

@susanparker767 15 күн бұрын

Thank you for your work … saving lives ✨🙏🏼✨

@TherapistTamaraHill 15 күн бұрын

You're so welcome! And thank you for that humbling comment. I truly hope so!

@w8what575 2 ай бұрын

It’s gotten me to the point I don’t like going near people or in public and is making my issues even worse….they complain about my anxiety issues and isolating but are the main cause of it! Their targeting has gotten so bad I can’t even work or have friends without them being close by to destroy it…I don’t even bother anymore…my mother wants my property cuz I own it without debt…it’s a dump but the rent is unbeatable…she wants me gone so she can move my brother into it and get him out of her house…he’s 42 and a junkie but she blames me for it….and yes! They’ll sit and talk shite all afternoon and then when I come over I my dads shop to help him with chores he can’t do on his own anymore, my mother and her hag friend will come out and antagonize me trying to get a ride out of me…when I just drop whatever I’m doing and leave they’ll laugh and cackle loudly …my dad sees nothing wrong with this! I’m in hell! No doubt!

@carolynparton8842 Ай бұрын

Thank you for sharing your much needed knowledge....great info, very informative, love your channel.👍

@TherapistTamaraHill Ай бұрын

You are so welcome! And thank you.

@emmak.1787 2 ай бұрын

Love your channel, Tamara! You're a blessing to me and to many. Can you do a video on adult parental alienation possibly? My 2 kids from my first marriage to what my long-term psychotherapist calls "a sociopathic patterned person", are being systematically alienated from me as adults (they are 28 & 30). Their toxicity grows continually to the point where I dread having them over. I would pull back from the relationships except that I have two minor children from my second marriage (they are 1/2 siblings with the adult kids )and they love them but I recoil against the behaviours they are modelling to my kids about me. Any advice on how to communicate this to the adult kids would be a God-send.

@TherapistTamaraHill 2 ай бұрын

Thank you so much!! And I'm glad to have you on the channel. I'm happy to do a video on this topic for sure. I will add it to the list because a lot of people have trouble with this as adults. I can add this to one of the upcoming discussions or do a separate video. I have to figure that out!

@DeniseLaFranceCDNpainter 2 ай бұрын

Perfect example of covert, Machiavellian backstabbing & schadenfreude is the behavior of 'honest' IAGO from Shakespeare's Othello.

@tmking7483 2 ай бұрын

In a family its called pathological projection and scapegoating in dysfunctional family systems. You cant be in this family unless ypu have backatabbing skills. They live by the sword and die by the sword.

@KhemTrailz 2 ай бұрын

I know when I’m hurt i may want to feel wicked or evil to regain how I believe I was made to feel sometimes. Sometimes it’s done to me and i try to be the better person for the same reason in reverse. Yin and yang ☯️

@user-so1ry5md9d 2 ай бұрын

This happened to me with my entire family .I have seven sister. I changed my number two days later.I am done.

@las9582 2 ай бұрын

My mother and sister are both like this. Its very pathetic behavior. Im still a stronger and healthier person then both of them👍👍

@wendiosullivan3525 2 ай бұрын

My stepmother is the most toxic backstabbing woman. I'm 56 she's tortured me since 10 years old.

@loveinchrist6115 2 ай бұрын

Betraying tribes dont trust ever ever. Betraying tribes. Mothers fathers siblings ect.

@wingsly 24 күн бұрын

Thanks Tamara, needed this! ❤

@natashajones4298 2 ай бұрын

Hi Tamara! My name is Tamara! Love your name. I agree with most things you say except this video when you said “.. they’re just born that way..”. I disagree, I don’t believe narcissists / abusers are born, I believe they are made.

@CherrysJubileeJoyfully 2 ай бұрын

I had a narcoleptic attack and missed it but I m here now lol

@sofiacornejo1056 2 ай бұрын

You’ve been super informative and interesting . Thank you darling . Can’t wait to come back and watch another video! 😊

@TherapistTamaraHill 2 ай бұрын

Thank you!! And you're welcome 🤗

@helenewebster9462 Ай бұрын

Thank you.

@TherapistTamaraHill Ай бұрын

You're welcome!

@The_Nerve_ 2 ай бұрын

My ex-husband is this type and is now friends with my friends My adult child did this to me as well But he has never been this type of person before til recently It had me questioning my reality, knowing that I knew better. However, i expect this my ex Not the person that i gave birth to

@kenyacrawford4173 2 ай бұрын

This is so good, so helpful to me

@TherapistTamaraHill 2 ай бұрын

I'm so glad! And thank you!

@melliecrann-gaoth4789 2 ай бұрын

Tamara. Thank you so much for your clarity.

@user-so1ry5md9d Ай бұрын

It happened to me and I have seven sisters I can't go back for my physical safety I don't trust any of them

@jonjohnson445 2 ай бұрын

1:01:40 Sounds like her senses and awareness have been heightened due to trauma. Something good and useful from something unpleasant. Be wise as serpents and harmless as doves.

@melliecrann-gaoth4789 2 ай бұрын

Dr Tamara - could you please do an episode on development of one’s intuition and listening to it and integration of it. This is different when you’ve been through loads of stuff etc. and over the years it was pushed to one side etc. or is there anything you would recommend. I really appreciate you, your work and your dedication. Please also take care of you Warmest regards and Blessings. Mellie

@jonjohnson445 2 ай бұрын

49:35 People that have been in warfare and combat situations or some other trauma, will react to things much differently in most cases. Without knowing what they've experienced, it seems to be an overreaction. Some people have heightened senses and thus less tolerance, or are triggered in ways others aren't. That's how they should be.

@eeyoresgirl55 2 ай бұрын

Is it possible to do a video on how to deal with these people when you can’t get away from their sphere of influence?

@tinaanderson200 2 ай бұрын

Yeah ive been accused of this back bitting there was never nothing that was told to me 😮i get blamed for everything when i attend the churches thats why i just left the church i am a survivor of child s.a. so i have discussions with so called friends and my conversations are twisted around by the mammies smh

@jonjohnson445 2 ай бұрын

2:13 Ive been in a place where at least 3k people apparently had no idea.

@tinaanderson200 2 ай бұрын

The person was going behind my back as well I forgive the person then i was accused of what they were doing smh

@jonjohnson445 2 ай бұрын

42:01 Perception is different in people. Unless someone has experienced exactly what someone else has and perceived it the same, whether accurately or not, "easily provoked" is just how someone perceives someone else.

@cliffpolley3942 2 ай бұрын

Thank you for the 💎💎💎

@mac-ju5ot 2 ай бұрын

Back stabbing is really the worse. Usually they sit back and smile ....I worked with. A women who scaoegoated ne once after nine years .....she called me a. F tard....my cousin had downs

@lovingsoulsministries3 2 ай бұрын

My ex called my pastor/boss to ask him to try to convince me to go into family counseling with him, and if my pastor would be willing to counsel us? Ex did so three times until my pastor went to me asking me to give him another chance because he seems genuinely concerned for me and wants his family back. Simultaneously, my abusive ex was sending me text forbidden me to ever allow our children to be baptized.

@oOIIIMIIIOo 2 ай бұрын

I hope you showed your pastor that nessage. 😄

@dmvconartists1855 2 ай бұрын

28:25 the plumbing comment was an analogy for people's bad behavior returning to bite them in the butt Also no theres no cult he just meant ppl with those traits are like a cult

@Smartbeautifulawesome 2 ай бұрын

That’s creepy and weird. Also dumb…

@las9582 2 ай бұрын

They are straight up losers.

@ondreagreen5797 2 ай бұрын

My sister slept with my husband and boyfriends

@TherapistTamaraHill 2 ай бұрын

The worst betrayal. I'm sorry.

@mahoganyshanae6116 2 ай бұрын

WOW! How sick is that..

@las9582 2 ай бұрын

My sister slept with guys that showed me interest, even though I'm a whole entire lesbian.

@tmking7483 2 ай бұрын

I suscpect 50 give 50 take

@KHodges_ 2 ай бұрын

It’s like you can hear me

@sobeidalagrange7129 2 ай бұрын

23:15

@helenewebster9462 Ай бұрын

How do we respond to a back stabber?

@Erica-cf1xb Ай бұрын

The best response to something you KNOW to be true is no response. They were intentional. A true enemy can't backstab you. It's a family member or friend which means they were wearing a mask thee entire time.

@KhemTrailz 2 ай бұрын

Does everyone not have mild symptoms of these traits tho or just me. I don’t want it completely but will go to the Movies and pay money to see drama. It is the spice of life and while it sucks to go through I ultimately still love people and want to see people succeed in the end… or at least i believe I do publicly but I might really hate myself for being such a bad person. I definitely have bpd and narcissist tendencies but want to believe I care but maybe not then. Am I being manipulated right now? Is there hope for me or am I doomed to use all knowledge as a dark empath to continue destroying the lives of others.

@oOIIIMIIIOo 2 ай бұрын