When Mr. Purple says he has to be aware of when an argument turns into a meltdown and recognize its not about the argument and Ella is overwhelmed.......perfectly said. Great advice.

He seems a wonderful, kind and patient man. How lovely and fortunate for you! I was in a relationship for 10 years with an equally wonderful, patient man. But sadly my aspergers broke us up - at the time I was not diagnosed, I was only diagnosed a year after we broke up. I still think he doesn't know, but he has a new life now with someone else and I wish him happiness. I have never felt the same kind of unconditional love that he gave me since, even though I have been in different relationships. I think it takes a very special person to understand and constantly be patient and kind to people with aspergers in a relationship. I miss it.

Since getting my autism diagnosis last year has helped improve communication between me and my husband. Thanks Mr. Purple for sharing your experiences! Much appreciated! 💜

Mr Purple did a great job in this video - he seems very gentle and thoughtful! Also very well done to you Purple Ella for keeping the conversation moving in an interesting way.

Me & my boyfriend loved this video, please can we have a part 2?!

This is a really sweet & informative video! It’s beautiful to see a healthy relationship online 🥰

Thank you Mr. Purple. My husband and I have both been diagnosed with autism late in life (61 for him, 58 for me) but this vid had many tips that also apply to us. We will have been married 22 years on August 15th.

You both are amazing together, Ella you just look at him and I see he's your rock, and he really love you and he will always be your friend 💯☮️

love this, thank you!! AuDHD can be an asset and a difficulty in relationships and it's so nice to see how others experience it and tackle what comes up as well as appreciate the good parts. :)

So grateful to Mr Purple for stepping out of his comfort zone and making this video. Such an important topic. Thank you both.

Metaphors are good, and I get them and many autistic people get them too.It's okay. The English language is inherently filled with figurative language so you really can't avoid it and therefore is very logical which translates well to my logical brain.

That's a really sweet video! Thank you Mr. Purple for sharing, you sound like a great guy and husband!

Loved all the accidental metaphors! You are both so brilliant in the way you articulate things :)

Respect to Mr purple

Thank you, Mr Purple, for overcoming your hesitation and sitting down and opening up in this video!

Thank you for this video. It is helpful for many reasons. What will stay with me most is your compassion for one another.

Sending this to my wife 😅 I find it interesting how she manages with me.

Thank you so much for this video!!! We recently learned my partner was ADHD and it was like….. AHAH!!!!! So many things started to make sense! Then he finally told me he was also Autistic but was afraid to tell me. We have figured out ways to communicate so much better. This video helps so much for me too!!!

Great video and I massively agree with the idea of learning about each other as a first step. I think this applies to any couple in a sense but there defintely has to be a focus on any neurodivergent traits. I find it interesting that I relate to both Mr and Mrs Purple with their experiences. I'm autistic and my partner has ADHD so I think we've both had a bit of learning to do. I think problem solving is a good way to look at it as you can try different things and find out what works for you as a couple. Communication is key too - really helps if you both feel you can be open and honest with each other (especially about any autism/ADHD etc stuff). I think a useful thing is to start to identify when actions or behaviour are actually a result of any neurodivergent traits - there's a massive different between my parter ignoring me deliberately and just being hyper focused on something to the point that she can't listen to me for example.

I love that he accepted your diagnosis as a relief. My ex took mine a different way.

Omg! Mr. Purple! Great video as always love you so much Purple Ella 💜

Thank you so much to the both of you for this. As someone with adhd and asd I've found relationships difficult at times. This video is awesome, thank you

I was holding my breathe through your conversation! It was too much like my ex and I only you 2 handled it SO MUCH better than we ever did. (He was severely L.D. and I am ADHD and Aspergers.)

I'm on the Spectrum and 9 years older than my neurotypical husband. We were just talking today about how he knows when I get home from work to just let me sit in the living room and watch my recorded shows and decompress. He doesn't bother me for a good couple hours because I work with people, and tho I do enjoy helping people I am soo wiped out when I get home it is ridiculous. I may enjoy helping people, but I am definitely the end of the "spectrum" that would be comfortable not being around people practically ever. When I do my job I "mask" to the point that no one can tell (except people in Psychology field) I'm doing it. When I met my husband I was on a lot of meds and I've recently gotten off most of them (the past year to year and a half) and my husband has had to learn how to deal with me and it was a marathon, not a sprint. Oh and there was a learning curve. 🙂. My husband has epilepsy...who better to have as your partner in life than someone who can research to no end and isn't scared of medical stuff cus she's been thru a lot of it...not to mention the whole low emotion thing so I don't freak out during his seizures. How my brain works also figured out his triggers (which no one had...woohoo my autism was a strength). I know this is long, my apologies. I just recently found your videos and thought you're cool. Have a great day!

Thank you Mr. Purple for sharing your perspective!

What a beautifully open-hearted, sweet, interesting, helpful video, full of honest interchanges, with both of you listening & responding. How wonderful & lovely! You are both so fortunate to have each other. 💞

These are the kinds of videos I need. Thank you both so much! more of this!

Thank you Ella and Mr Purple! That was a really great video, I am definitely going to show this to my partner. I am 31 and still trying to get my ADHD diagnosis - my therapist and I have been sure for a few years now that is what is going on for me and I think I also have some autistic traits + as you said in the video, lots of trauma from not being diagnosed younger or having relevant support. Your videos are really helpful, I have been watching them for a while now. Thank you so so much. Maddie 💗

So much gratitude for you both for sharing and posting!

Thank you both for putting yourselves out there. very useful for me

Excellent video. That was very sweet. I love seeing you two together and talking about things from different perspectives.

This is SO inspiring. 25+ year marriage here, DX'd in the last 5. My DX provided a LOT of strategies with dealing the ongoing communication issues.

Mr Purple, it’s an honour Thankyou for sharing with us

I love this . It's so good to know that someone else experiences some of the things that I do with my boyfriend ❤

Great video! Very useful. Thanks tp you and mr Purple!

This is so beautiful to watch. Thank you for sharing X

Aside from the topic i have to say this video is the cutest and you guys are just amazing together. ❤️

Love this video. I need a Mr Purple of my own!

Thank you so much for yours and Mr. Purple’s vulnerability in sharing a bit about your relationship. The work you are doing is so important. 🤍

Ella and Mr. Purple, this is quite wonderful, and I thank you both so much for sharing it!

That was so cute. Huge thank you to Mr Purple for coming on! He was great, very informative and lovely to see your relationship and how you make it work so well :)

Thank you both for doing this video and sharing it. I am certain it will help lots of couples.

Thanks, Mr P, your love and commitment really shone through here.

Great video! Great tips.

Thank you so much for sharing your experiences, Purple Ella and Mr Purple! :) I can relate to a lot of the situations, although I believe my partner and me are both neurodivergent (him suspected ADHD and an extrovert, me suspected autism and an introvert)

Great video thanks Ella

Mr. Purple is so analytical and eloquent! 👏 He did an excellent job and it’s cool to hear an NT’s perspective.

Thank you for this, it gives me hope and useful ideas for all my relationships, you both are amazing.

Mr purple sounds lovely and very gentle and kind! Great job at putting yourself out there mr purple! X

I'm in my late 30's and only just diagnosed with autism and adhd. You two are so like my husband and I, it makes me smile (we've been together for 20 years). I'm showing him this video tonight. Thank you Ella, as always your videos are beautifully honest and a special thank you to your husband. My husband has zero online presence and would find this so difficult to do and I know your husband must have a lot of love for you and his family to do this 🖤

Another great video. PE - You may have already done this, but I would like to know how you define a melt-down... It is part of learning who we are as autistic people to understand the autistic influences in our lives. As a late diagnosed adult, so many of us have developed very unhealthy and dysfunctional coping strategies. You've defined many of yours and it helps me to understand what you've found and how... Thank you for all you do! Best to you...

What a lovely person your husband is. Thanks for sharing this...it was really interesting (and satisfied my nosiness!) x

Amazing powerful couple, love this video so much

Wow.... I'm so amazed to see that autistic people are not made to live alone. I'm happy to watch your video with your husband... You both did a great job together ! I admire you. I bet it wasn't easy to do.... You are both really patient and clever.... I'm autistic too, I always stop relationship with a man because it's too overwhelming for me... I don't know how to deal with what I feel.... They never take my words seriously.... And I'm tired of it very quickly. Now I'm in a middle of situation.... I tried once again but once again I just found that I can't deal with love and relationship. It's way too difficult for me. A too big challenge.

I love this. It reminds me of my husband and I quite a bit. (I too have ASD and he has ADHD). I used to refuse to put effort in to push him to go partake in experiences with me (out in the world) but it finally got to me. I was surprised that once I did just realize I had to be the one to plan it out he actually really enjoyed most of these events and places we went. :)

hahaha, Mr Purple showing his age with the typewriter analogy, but It was perfect; I remember that feeling when I learned typing at school. Watching this video led to a great conversation with my partner just now. The only difference is I think my partner is neurodivergent as well and I'm gently encouraging him to explore it too. Thanks again for helping me to feel seen. Also, regarding the metaphors, I'm a writer and have been studying writing for the past couple of years. I write non-fiction and we are taught that the use of metaphor in writing is so important but it's something I struggle with. I appreciate a creative metaphor but find it hard to come up with my own; my writing is very literal and sometimes I feel it's too earnest. I've had a few articles published and people always appreciate the way that I present my thoughts and articulate them in a very straightforward way.

Yes, I think acknowledging skills and talents is very important. It builds the other person's confidence and allows them to contribute to and participate in the relationship in their own way, instead of being compared to their partner's way of doing things and how efficient they are at doing it that way.

Awesome video! I must ask, where did you get your shirt? It's so amazing!

you two are just gorgeous together! (heart emoji)

Those things can make your relationship complicated, but adding kids to the mix’s makes it more complicated, challenging

Hi Ella and Mr Purple, Ella this is the best video that you have done. I so needed this information and tips, in my relationship. Ella, I want to say that I had been firstly diagnosed with depression with mood swings, the mood swings was the autistic meltdowns and I was never depressed which my GP had diagnosed me with and after many, many years I was then diagnosed with bipolar and that diagnosis I had for many many years, then when I was 51 I got the diagnosis of autism, I am now 53 and now I have just been diagnosed also with ADHD, alexithymia and dyslexia. When I was diagnosed with depression with mood swings, I was prescribed anti depressants and after many years of being on anti depressants I was informed that I should be on anti psychotic medication, which I went on , after many years of being on anti psychotic medication I got the diagnosis of bipolar so was told to stay on the anti psychotic medication. I was on the anti psychotic medication right up to my diagnosis of autism, then I was told by the psychologist who diagnosed me with autism said that I no longer need the anti psychotic medication and that I should stop taking the medication. Which I did stop taking the medication and now I am a new person. With my ADHD, I'm not taking any medication as I am going to control myself with natural alternative supplements. I have been married for 31 years and of that 31 years we have been separated nearly 4 years, we still have a very good relationship. We have 2 grown up daughters and a grand daughter. Because I was misdiagnosed and wrongly medicated and also misunderstood our family life has been extremely challenging and toxic. My daughters and I don't have any sort of relationship now and I'm not able to see my granddaughter. My daughters don't believe that I am autistic, they just believe that I am evil because of the way that I am. I'm pleased that your family and your relationship with Mr Purple is in a much healthier condition than my family life and my relationship with my ex partner. At least you got the diagnosis early in life, and now you are able to deal with the challenges that comes your way. I wish that I had have been diagnosed correctly many, many years ago, my life could have been different. I also want to congratulate you both on the many years of marriage and many, many years to come.

Very interesting video. Thank you both. May I ask, Ella, where did you purchase your amazing t shirt?!

👍 Thanks both of you, Very clear direct talking throghout the 2 parts, no beating arround the bush he he... So it was'nt just un-understandable blah-blah. Best wishes, thank you from Denmark

What a lovely, supportive husband!

I would love to see a video on how to recover from hyoerfocus, as when I hyoerfocus I feel destroyed afterwards, with mental images of the thing I was focusing on. Similarly, if I go to the cinema I am then overloaded for a day with images and colours from the movie.

This was a long video but I watched every second of it. I’m trying to get my boyfriend to understand me enough to be able to problem solve my issues and such. He wants to marry me and we compliment eachother well because he’s more practical thinking and I’m more of a dreamer and unrealistic thinker with my ADHD. I get so focused on things like reasearch of this kind of thing, I want to share my research with him. However, I’m not concise. My thoughts on it are hard to sort through on my own. Communication is way to hard being neurodivergent. Eventually even soon I’ll be getting married and I know I’d probably be overwhelmed from all the new but I guess I’m bracing myself for the happiest and most different biggest change in my life. Thankyou for sharing your life. I can gain a lot of wisdom and tips and learning from it.

hello mr purple nice to meet you, you are an extremely lucky guy for having a loving wife much respect to you and the purple fam as a whole

Hi, me and my husband just celebrated our 20th Anniversary, I got my diagnoses 4 years ago, and they are the same as Yours. I will tell my husband about this video, we do a lot of it already, but maybe he would be helped or just feel he's not alone. Mr Purple and my husband seem to be very similar in their outcome so I feel this are helpful for us too, maybe!

I always prefer to txt to communicate bcoz the language I don't have to use my voice when the words get stuck and I end up mute

Thank you!

Happy Mother's Day! ⚘

I’m autistic and since my diagnosis my marriage has deteriorated completely. I thought it would be a breakthrough but it became a complete breakdown of our relationship 😢.

2 ppl can be more different like this and compliment eachother or they can be more similar and get eachother more and have a deeper connection even but it could be tougher at times if both have similar symptoms so either way it can be pros and cons

Thank you for this video. I have been with my partner for over 10 years, and I have become homeless very often as she kicks me out on the street with no money and nowhere to go. My ASD has caused significant problems for our relationship because she really doesn't understand autism. I'll show her this video and see what happens. Maybe shell let me in

I am eager to know the challenges you (Ella) faced being married to a neurotypical person and how you both worked it out. Both autistic and non autistic people have their own strengths and weaknesses. It would be nice to hear your side of the story @Purple Ella

I’m ADHD and my wife is ASD-1. It is very hard at times. I’ve never seen a video about our type of couple but there are some very particular struggles we face.

@PurpleElla I am a neurotypical person, I'm interested in a girl that has ASD, recently we were supposed to go out for dinner but she got really socially anxious leading up to the date. On the morning of the date, she came to me and apologized and explained that she was really socially anxious about it. I replied to her and said let's reschedule for the following week and that it is okay, trying to reassure her that I wasn't in any way upset. It's been about a day and I haven't heard from her, which worries me that she feels she let down and is now upset. Any advice for me?

Thinking about Steve Spitz from love on the Spectrum gets me mad and depressed

Maybe don't try running before you can walk. Brilliant! Simply practical. How about sitting before crawling?

But ur husband is lucky and very considerate

What kind of medication for ADHD do you take please? Just curious what works

Hi this it’s very helpful I m neurologic and my girlfriend she situating We had A baby and she melt down and brake up with me so I had to live the house And I feel so sad and don’t know how to deal

Could you recommend where to get tested privately

Thanks for another great video, and thank you to Mr Purple for sharing his thoughts and experiences with us

Yay hi Mr Purple

What should you do if you can't afford/don't have insurance to go see a licensed psychiatrist for a autism diagnosis?

Please don’t take this as being deliberately rude or intrusive,but how did you know it was love,when you fell in love with Mr Purple if you struggle to recognise your own emotions? As an NT,falling in love for me was a tangible aching feeling,and although the Aspie I was with claimed to love me too,I was unsure if it was real/the same as what I was experiencing,or perhaps something that was just voiced to ‘fit in ‘ . Thank you

I love my girlfriend Iv never felt like I wanted to be with someone forever before, and she’s neurodivergent. I feel like all I do is mess up and I just want us to be happy

What if both ppl are asd/adhd and one is only just finding out that.. i hope it could work

Can we see u do a raads-r test I want to see it lol I got 190 😅

So, it's not normal to be screamed at for having a meltdown? That's what my husband does to me, then makes me tell him what's wrong then calls it bitching. I've been having a meltdown for 4 hours now because he just keeps making it worse.

Does he have a sister? 💜💜💜

So there's hope?

He sms to me to also be on the sppectrum

But why are you afraid of using metaphors? 😀

Im so sad watching this

Very interesting video. Thank you both. May I ask, Ella, where did you purchase your amazing t shirt?!