Hey pals! Hope you liked the video. If you'd like to support the channel you can become a patron or send me a one off donation on PayPal. patreon.com/curiovids PayPal.me/buycuriobiscuits OR you can follow me on twitter or twitch, to see what else I'm up to beyond KZfaq twitch.tv/itscurio twitter.com/bannedtheymer

Incidently, this was the first time somebody said: "the easy answer comes from Judith Butler"

I wasn't familiar with the term "egg" for young pre-out trans folx and now all I can think of is Danny DeVito's "can I offer you an egg in this trying time?" but offering dumb 19 year old me

i realized in grade school when a rude kid said "ew, is that a boy or a girl?"... i got a wonderful feeling about seeming outside the binary. i would later identify it as gender euphoria

the moment you said “this video is for you, if you want” i knew it was gonna be exactly what i needed to hear. thank you from a nonbinary person who’s too scared to say it anywhere else except a youtube comment section.

"If my gender is performed, then it is art" is a sentence thay makes me feel some kind of way

An actual thought I had when I found out about non-binary people: "Wait there were more options than man and women? Shoot, wish I knew I hate being a woman. I'm definitely a woman though. " Me now: "OH"

Biggest Egg Moment(s) of Mine From the Past 6 Years: regularly having 'masc photoshoots' alone in my room solely for my own benefit and learning how to contour my face to look more masculine but firmly not believing I was a trans man

I’m an old woman, and let me assure you, none of us are “finished”. The process is important. You’re awesome. You do whatever feels right for you, and seeing you do that is going to help others.

*Aggressively validates you*

This was extremely moving. As a trans woman who is constantly in fear of how the world is shifting politically, everytime I see someone make a beautiful, personal piece of lgbt self discovery it gives me hope.

My partner “came out” to me and told me they were nb. They were so nervous and afraid, and I told them it didn’t matter since I’ll always love and support them lol. A little after that they told me they were actually pansexual and not a lesbian; their explanation being that the way they see and experience gender changed how they experience sexuality. Even though I have no idea what that feels like, I couldn’t help but be so happy for them. It’s made me want to be a better and more learned ally to the trans and non-binary community. I love you all and hope you are living authentically.

I am a 43 year old... person and I am crying. I am 16 and trying to get my friends to call me a different name. I am 25 and my partner calls me D for the first time and it is the best name. I am 19 and dancing with a beautiful boy on a stage, there is awkwardness and hate from the crowd but only sparkles between us. I am 20 and pretending to be Chloe and Zoe with my "totally straight" friend online. I am 35 and getting married and I'm so in love while wishing I were prettier, my suit is lovely but a skirt and smokey eye would be fabulous. I am 43 and I've been in lockdown forever and I wish I were 10 years younger. I am 43 and think, maybe I don't have to be 10 years younger. I am 10 and I've put on a dress and my grandma's clip on earrings and I feel pretty and alive. I am 43 and thankful for this video.

"I don't want to die". This hit VERY close to home. I already know who I am, but I don't know what is going to happen to me. I never felt like I fit in. I hope that now that I understand why, things will get easier for me. Nothing is greater than the pain of realising that you've denied yourself of who you were all your life. Learning that the people around you tried everything they could to stop you from finding out, hoping that you could have been "normal" all along. I can never get those years of my life back. But I'm still here, and I realise that there are other people like me who are still here. So maybe it won't be so bad, if we're all in this together.

Honestly knowing there are other bisexual non binary folks dealing with BPD - v reassuring!!

I absolutely love the Dr. Manhattan-esque “It is (date) and I am (____)” Segment. Queertemporality really reminds me of the way that Dr. Manhattan experiences time because it’s way outside of the normal. Thanks for this video. You’re so gorgeous and as a closeted trans girl with a boatload of depression/anxiety you give me hope. ❤️

as a fellow enby it’s always nice to see people who i respect talking openly about their non-binary identity. keep it up, you’re making it a little easier for all of us 😊

"I do want a new name, but I want my current name, I want many names..." is a thing I've been struggling to sort through recently and it's really nice to realise I'm not alone in that. (Definitely teared up a bit in this one too which is rare for me 💜) Thank you so much :) -wren

quarantine...... literally made me realise im trans (nb)?? everything is so new to me. my big sister whos trans, called me an egg. thank you for the tears

June 13, 2020. I've just watched this video. I am shaking with sobs, struggling to breathe. Something fundamental has shifted in me. I have no idea what this will mean going forward and I am terrified. My life flashes before my eyes, a myriad of pieces gently sliding into place. It isn't a surprise, as such, more like an inevitability, the culmination of countless tiny moments. Tear by tear, fear gives way to an incomprehensibly beautiful sense of relief. I know who I am. I've always known. And I am not alone. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for seeing me.

This hit me surprisingly hard in a lot of very specific ways. I'm very solid in my gender (enough of a dude that calling myself non-binary feels like misgendering, enough not quite a dude that saying I'm a trans man doesn't feel like the whole story), but I've been having a crisis around my sexuality. I've been thinking I might be a gay man, but I've been afraid to say it for a variety of reasons- some of which are due to the fact that gay male identity is kinda constructed around cis gay men, and as a trans gay man with no interest in being with cis men, I don't feel like I "get" to be a gay man. But part of it is also a fear that maybe I'm wrong and I'll actually fall for a woman in the future, and I'm worried calling myself gay now when I'm not certain what the future holds is a lie. I don't know where I'm at right now, except thinking of all the little Moments in my life.

"You should try to be the person you needed when you were younger" That is THE best trans life advice I've ever heard. God damn...

oh, the infinite karma of accidentally outing yourself to friends and loved ones via your twitter... god, is that a Mood

Good. Shit. dude. I'm so happy for you. Just remember no one can take this away from you. I'm trans and have BPD and other mental health struggles as well and it was so hard to get anyone to even believe me, even though I knew and actively tried to hide it since middle school. "How long is this gonna go on?", "you're just crazy", "You'll change back you always do", "HRT will ruin your life", "you're manic wait a month", and on and on and on but as hurtful as these comments are, nothing anyone can say makes us less valid. I think you have a bright future. I can't tell you how much your content has helped me. So thank you, and have fun!

We're just stuck here with this dad joke until the video premieres

Sorry to hear about the terfs

As an AMAB enby myself (I'm 20), this video makes me want to cry in the best possible way. I only started seriously considering the idea that I might not be cis within the last six months, and transitioning into a more comfortable presentation and conception of myself has been slow and confusing. Hearing about the experiences of someone similar to me, but further along this journey is reassuring. Thank you.

I can’t wait to see this! Olly’s video about bisexuality changed my perspective on it, so i’m exited to see this too!

I DIDNT KNOW I COULD COMMENT BEFORE ITS AIRED. premieres confuse me. but i love you!!! i'm a 16 year old trans dude and its always so. amazing seeing the people i look up to find the space and time to come out? excited for the video!

I relate so strongly to that mortal fear of coming out. I'm white, cis and middle-class, statistically speaking I know that I'd probably be absolutely fine going around as the loudest bisexual in town... but there's still that fear there. I've been out online for almost a full year now (I drew the profile pic on this account as my way of announcing it on my art instagram). I've only ever spoken about it in person with my close friends, many of whom are bi themselves. I'm pretty sure all my immediate family knows, they all follow me online and that drawing is pinned above my desk at home, but I've never actually told them directly. I feel like the longer it goes the more likely I am to just never bring it up, but I'm honestly fine with that part. I know my parents wouldn't bat an eye if I brought home a boyfriend one day. What I hate is that feeling of being only half out. I don't know if I'd present myself much differently if I didn't have this fear holding me back, but I still walk around in public feeling like I'm "acting straight" just to be safe. Acting "normal" to make life easier is something I've dealt with before with my autism, and it's exhausting, but I've never been afraid that I might get beaten up if I act autistic in public. Recently I've been easing myself into being more openly autistic, letting myself stim, make noises and "be weird". It hasn't been some miraculous transformation, but it's eased the tension slightly. Hopefully I'll also figure out how to open up the bi valve a little more and I'll be a little bit more Gabriel than I was before.

I've been transitioning since last October. From then to 30 mins ago I've been afraid to try my lipstick. Now wearing my pale rose shade. Thank you for giving me the courage.

this legit made me cry. i only have came out to my mom that im a lesbian. its been... complicated but could totally be worse. ive been wondering for a while now about how im going to come out to her as an enby. she knows i want top surgery and to change my name, but im not sure if she even knows what a nonbinary person is. i might send her this video when i eventually gather enough courage to do so. thank you for sharing your experience in such a beautiful way.

"hey guys what are we up too?" perfectly cut moment

"I want many names for my many ways of being" god i feel that. I thought i was weird for feeling that same way

This comes out the night before my birthday. Guess crying will be how I enter this one, hey. Can't wait

I watched this video while it premiered and when it ended I started sobbing. Like, you always get these sorts of experiences so right it makes me so so emotional. During your bpd video I started sobbing, because the feeling of stigma and fear weighed me down for ages, and seeing someone talk about it was like a reminder I'm not alone in the struggle with that. And its the same here. I'm nonbinary, i barely see people talk about nonbinary identities like this, havent seen any analysis of the nonbinary experience on KZfaq yet and it hits far too close to home. I always struggled with gender identity, and I'm just really happy to see you talk about it yourself. Thank you so much, you are great.

I eagerly await this. I'm binary trans and I struggle with wrapping my head around non-binary identity. I still believe they are valid and I want to understand more, so I know this will give me some more perspective and understanding. ❤

When I acted like a boy growing up, _they_ called me a girl When I act like a woman now as an adult, _they_ call me a man Transphobia isn't the idea people can't pick their own genders It's the idea that _THEY_ should get to pick peoples gender for them

Ever since I cracked I've felt lost and confused. The days have felt like their on repeat and I could never escape the loop. It was so massive and terrifying and hard to actually grasp and describe. But This feels like the next step. Hearing somebody describe my feelings so well has helped me feel like I can break out of this loop. I just want to be free from this waiting and waiting for something to change and this video has shown me it can be done. Thank you

I love this video so much - almost too much. As a 53-year-old cishet male who flirts with femininity a lot (having done drag for two years, wearing traditionally feminine clothes when clubbing, using makeup and nail polish), I wish the enbie option had been available to me 40 or so years ago. Now I'm just male - it's ingrained and I honestly don't mind it. I just mind the strictures it comes with. Had I been aware of the option of a scaling middle ground, I probably would availed myself of it beyond my brief gothy eyeliner phase in the mid-80s. Thank you for this; it really meant a lot to me.

Enby rights! xxx

I will bingewatch this once it's out, can't wait for the premiere

Oh boy *deep breaths in enby* I am feeling many feelings

Damn, "Revolution Lover" at the end made me tear up, ha. You know, the "egg" moment, I wonder if there's a similar term for when you're not-straight? Because, this weekend I found my old Grammar teacher on Instagram, and I realized than when I was a teenager and thought she was very beautiful and stylish... I thought so in a gay way lol

I don't believe you. No way there's a 12 foot crab.

I cried so hard watching this. It was so relatable that some of these experiences occurred to me before they were displayed in the video! I've never felt so connected to an exploration of nonbinary gender experiences.

this drops the minute i’m done with work. looking forward to it EDIT: i thought it dropped today, now i’m a lil sad ahaha.

alright, i’m crying. the song matched with the visuals at the end really got me.

Also that croppe shirt is literally the perfect length on you and I'm incredibly envious of your insane amount of flags

While we're waiting for the drop, welcome to the family!) So excited for you

Always hype for more enby content creators, can't wait for the premiere!

revolution lover hits harder each time I hear it. This was so lovely

I was expecting a "normal" coming out video to watch before bed while I brushed my teeth. I was not expecting to suddenly start crying while looking back over certain events in my life as a trans masculine person. beautiful video by a beautiful person, well done.

I called myself "trans non-binary" for the first time last night. It's funny: I've been using "non-binary" for months now, but I didn't think it made me trans because I didn't feel as though I had the right to claim that without going through an "official" transition. But, that's just another box created by people who aren't trans isn't it...anyway, I've been stoked for this video since you scheduled it. It was nothing like I expected and everything I hoped for. Thanks for creating.

I didn't know this video was going to be for me, but it was. The moment you said "if gender is preformed then it's art, like all human creations." I burst into tears. I'm a bi cis gal, and have deeply loved Butler's philosophies since reading them earlier this year, I wrote a whole essay trying to justify this love in the face of the concepts seeming to invalidate my closest friends trans identities. I've always felt gender as a performance by my rules, to have fun with, the "unfeminine" parts of me are a weapon against those that try to reduce me to just my gender, equally are the parts that are hyper feminine. Describing it as some kind of performance art clicked for me in a way it hadn't before, the tears of I guess joy are only now drying. So thank you.

1:57 this was what really illuminated my gender for me as well. I always questioned myself like "am i REALLY nonbinary? like am i SURE??" but when i simply rephrased the question to ask "am i cis?" the answer was a quick and easy "ABSOLUTELY NOT!!" Really beautiful video. You say it's for me, if I want? ... I think I'll accept that gift. Thank you.

can i just say, IM SO PROUD OF YOU BABY❤️❤️🥺🥺🥺🥺

This video means so much to me. As someone who wants to live out and loud as Trans but is afraid too because of where I live. Thank you dear! I wish I could be as brave as you.

You look pretty good with the makeup. o:

I feel seen, I feel so much seen, I came out to myself as non binary just recently and this video just helped me to feel so very seen ever since

So much of clothes/hair is about what other people think. it’s very strange how that operates

I am so excited to watch this and I’m also so happy you’re able to express yourself. From one Enby to another, I’m proud of you

I watched the whole thing silently agreeing and calmly listening to you speak but as soon as the first note of revolution lover hit so did every single emotion and I cried loud and ugly until the screen went black. Thank you

I watch this video at least once a month, whenever I really start to doubt myself and it never ceases to help I'm so thankful it's here as a resource as it articulates feelings and emotions that swirl around my head Thanks Sophie Your a Gem and such a boon for the community 💖

Will be watching this several times. Thank you for making this. Means a lot to someone who has gone through many changes in past few years and still figuring out who I am.

I so identify with your take on going bald. In my case, it relates to having body hair. When I'm alone I have no problem with it or feel ugly or 'too masculine'. It feels natural, like how my body is meant to be. But then I get this anxiety thinking that people I care about will disapprove of it. I guess this is sort of the dilemma of gender expression for many. You feel your best when presenting in a given way, but then what if the world disagrees. Well, we see you as you are, and you are amazing

Im so excited about this video. The "nothing" poem linked in the description is also really good.

Revolution Lover at the end had me in tears. Thank you so much for making this!

"The way people who know me say my name feels so different to the way people who don't know me say it."

Hey, thanks for this. Actually crying over here. I've been to that memorial when I was on a trip to Berlin with my class shortly before graduating from school in 2010, but I thought I was cis and straight back then and beyond the obvious tragedy it didn't mean much to me. Sometime in the past 5 years I've slowly come to the realization that I am bisexual, later updating that to pansexual. In the past year I've slowly come to the conclusion that I am also enby. Now I'm gonna ask my boyfriend and my girlfriend of going there again, together. Like, it's not even that far. Also I wanted to point out that while YTs age restriction policies suck massively and I am deeply sorry that they're being applied to you, I might've never seen your video if not for Jim Sterling tweeting about the age-restriction. Hopefully there's tons of other people who've seen it for the same reason. Cheers :)

This is the best thing. Thank you so much for making it. Videos like this save lives x

Thank you so much for this touching, thoughtful, deep, and quite well edited video!

This is the second video essay I've seen that uses Revolution Lover as the end credits song, and I think that song is beautiful and should just be the end credits to every video. Also, this was wonderful.

Ah, the egg moment of just caring a lot about trans issues because my friends are trans, I know you well... When you were talking about accidentally realising your mum had seen your twitter, that she'd read the script through which you accidentally came out as bi to her, that really hit me. I've quietly ID'd myself as enby for a while now, but whenever I see her again I can only ever push the boat out with ifs and vaguely complaining about masculine clothing being bland. I feel that when I come out she'll similarly go "I know", but it's turned into a construct of "technically I've hinted it?" that somehow has made it harder. Thanks for opening up about your experiences and making it seem just a bit easier to be open about mine :)

this is a year late and youll probably never see this but thank you so much for making this. i started sobbing at 15:14 when you started talking about how you didnt want to let go of the pretense of who you were; i've never seen that feeling articulated so well. thank you from a fifteen year old trans kid who hardly knows who they are yet. thank you so much

I cry every time I watch this. Thank you so much for putting this together 💜

Happy Pride Month

Hi this video made me cry in a real and visceral way. as an enby who has been out for a few years, but are just now starting to deeply explore what this means, thank you

It’s the 3rd January 2021... There’s the prospect of another full lockdown on the horizon and I have just watched this again for the 3rd time (The 1st time was upon release back in 2020)... I am again left in awe at how beautiful and personal this video is. Thank you x

This is the first of your videos to make me cry!! I liked this one a lot. You put to words a lot of things that I have felt and experienced pretty radcore.

Welp. That cracked my egg. I’m nonbinary. So many egg moments.

@2:00 am i a cis man? 'No CLEARLY not' - Love it

I genuinely don't know how to type this, but I spent the majority of this video in tears shaking, and I'm wondering if you put a crack in my eggshell, I relate with so much in this video and the emotions I feel are so vivid that I can't put them into words, thank you Sophie

i just watched this and it actually made me cry. this video spoke to me on so many levels and really showed me what i am yearning for in my life: to be seen as my authentic self. i am a closeted enby, and i feel like i'm not quite at that stage where i'm ready to come out, but i know i will want to come out eventually. thank you for showing the beauty and the joy of our existence and our experiences, this is something we as enbies don't often get to see so your video feels so important and impactful. thank you.

I thought one more video befor I go to sleep, this one sounds somewhat interesting. I wasnt expecting much. No I am sitting here, crying so much tears becaus of... everything. I am non-binary myself, came out a few years ago and I had such a long, beautyful and horrible way in frotn of me and I sure still have. I started taking hormones in january, which was important to me and I learn about myself every day and still I know so little. What you said about the first time wearing clothes and how that changed something, what you told about the name tattoo, the mum-thing, the internalised thoughts... I am so happy I watched this and so thankful you made this. I will go to sleep now feeling seen

"This video is for you, if you want" Apparently I did because I've had so many similar experiences of not fitting the binary mold, but never thought I could be an enby because I present masculine without body dysphoria. Now using they/them. Here's to change 🍻

I've had a lot of trouble crying for almost a year now, whenever I'd start crying it would instead not come out and stay stuck inside me. I hate that for a lot of reasons, but the reasons why aren't particularly important. Yesterday, I watched this video again and full-on sobbed. Thank you.

I'm watching this for a second time and realising how much of a journey I've taken in the year since I first watched it. How can watching the same video twice feel like such a different experience? I don't know what I'm trying to say. I'm still crying, but stable enough to remember to feed the algorithm.

Best line: "I can put on a whole ass show!" This is a great video. Thanks for sharing.

Wow. This video is amazing. I, um, may have cried a little bit in the middle there. I am glad I subscribed to your channel. Thank you. Also, crabs are cool.

thank you so much for this. this is my first of undoubtedly many more viewings to come and this video already means so much to me. throughout the past few years, i've been through many phases of struggling with my gender and trying on different label. your twitter has helped me solidify that i am actually an enby and i'm endlessly thankful to you for that. hearing you talk about your experiences as a child, your memories about the enby in starbucks, your name, it all hit incredibly close to home. this comment isn't really coherent because i'm crying i feel seen and i feel understood and im so proud and happy for you also you look very good

I spent a long time trying to write down how this video made me feel. All I can say is, thank you - for making this video, for being strong enough to continue existing, for everything you do. I hope you have a day as lovely as you. x

I made a joke comment earlier but honestly thank you so much for making this video, I've been following you for a while and I'm also nonbinary and felt like I didn't see any other nonbinary people on YT or anywhere so thank you this video almost made me cry

Happy pride, you look great and I can't wait to hear what you have to say about visibility

This video is exactly what I needed to see tonight, particularly the ending. Thank you.

Ive watched this a few times and still feel emotional after every watch????? This vid is my comfort vid, thank you for this!

This is a very relatable video even to someone who isn't LGTB. Its probably not fun to have to explain your exsistence, but a video like this gives a lot of insight to an outsider like me. Hopefully we can get to a point where no one feels like an outsider for simply being born.

Welcome to the family x

I put off watching this video cause I knew it was going to HIT from your videos in general I guessed that your experience of gender was similar to mine, but I didn't realize how nearly identical our conceptions of gender would be. Thanks so much for making this. I'm weeping on my lunch break rn. Knowing there's someone out there who can articulate my experience this completely is nothing short of magnificent Really, thank you

This was incredibly powerful! Thank you so much for sharing this.