Bert’s Canada Border Incident

Рет қаралды 13,758,545

Жыл бұрын

Пікірлер: 7 300

@tekwindow Жыл бұрын

Man tried to steal The Punishers dog. The Result 🤛 kzfaq.infovYpP8AvwSq8?feature=share Music by DJ Darroo kzfaq.info/get/bejne/d7moaKiLyp2ueIE.html

@leejganderson7827 Жыл бұрын

And who says if you're not a millionaire you don't get "$pecial treatments" even from other countries People are so .naive . Peace 🕊️☮️🕊️ 3.29.2023 3.

@jonathanweston-hx1pn Жыл бұрын

😊😊

@dstar8487 Жыл бұрын

Bert is Tyler Durden! It's an honour meeting the machine 😂😂😂

@AnonymousanonymousA Жыл бұрын

Lol as much of a jackass as they are on that securuty tv show

@onewade1974 Жыл бұрын

How epic is that story!

@stevehunter7402 Жыл бұрын

Just buy your drugs here. We've got all the drugs.

@enricoengels6049 Жыл бұрын

😂

@TheNuts1225 Жыл бұрын

You can get some pretty good weed in a certain trailer park.

@Xaileth Жыл бұрын

@@TheNuts1225 Greasy

@ericknabenshue5689 Жыл бұрын

@@TheNuts1225 good hash and honey oil too

@november4516 Жыл бұрын

@@TheNuts1225 or you could just go to a dispensary where you actually know exactly what your smoking

@bigmemes9604 Жыл бұрын

Bert the type of guy to suitcase coke to Columbia

@michaeldunn7554 Жыл бұрын

For sure. Great comment !!!!

@kroekadoke8212 Жыл бұрын

Haahabahhabhaahah

@beavisturnup5852 Жыл бұрын

have to admit i was confused for just a moment, then i remembered the meaning of what you said.😅

@groiko. Жыл бұрын

And no one’s gonna stop him

@jordanrogers4046 Жыл бұрын

Best comment ever bro

@MrKneri22 6 ай бұрын

"Its an honor to the meet the machine" 100% confirmed this is a complete lie.

@versailplayspokemon 6 ай бұрын

Facts

@brandonreed9508 6 ай бұрын

Dude got called the Machine once and has made that his whole personality.

@SlickArmor 6 ай бұрын

@@brandonreed9508At least his shirt is on. 🤮

@Fee.1 6 ай бұрын

Did he ever get clean or he is still an alcoholic?

@mannurse7421 6 ай бұрын

Ah don’t be a hater

@chrisgrieve9533 7 ай бұрын

Bert is the definition of a compulsive liar 🤣

@By_the_gods 4 ай бұрын

I came here to say exactly that. He had me right up to the end. He's such a loser.

@jimvanallen8987 4 ай бұрын

Just so yall know, he is a comedian, stories are his job lol 🤦‍♂️

@BirdOfHermes83 4 ай бұрын

Wait...... so he never really drank with the Russian Mafia?!?! 😮

@batmanwins5701 4 ай бұрын

@@jimvanallen8987 being funny is his job, he needs a new job. 🎉

@jimvanallen8987 4 ай бұрын

@@batmanwins5701I think he's a very successful comedian regardless of your personal opinion

@Maddog_VR Жыл бұрын

Bro humiliated him about how badly he hid it

@-_._._- Жыл бұрын

Lmao yeah hide it good if you're gonna try to bring it in here. But it's fully legal here and there's shops everywhere now so why smuggle it in?

@yimmy7160 Жыл бұрын

Think it is safe to say smuggling drugs is not his strong suit🤣

@redacted5035 Жыл бұрын

Bro humiliates himself LYING 🤥 this 100% never happened

@Southlakesown Жыл бұрын

Never happened

@VirginiaThor Жыл бұрын

It's not funny because that cop would of ruined my life over that...

@SilverHuskyYT Жыл бұрын

Someone needs to get that border gaurd to do his own stand up 😂

@squiffedallday Жыл бұрын

I’m betting on the side this is yet another fake story of berts

@hulksmash3429 Жыл бұрын

@@squiffedallday Wait until you find out that most of every comedians story's are fake. You may actually die

@DrRobust Жыл бұрын

Would be hard to make someone who doesn't exist do standup

@SilverHuskyYT Жыл бұрын

Considering this short is by a comedian I figured you guys would know what a joke is lol

@danksta7103 Жыл бұрын

He probably be funnier than Bert tbh

@jesuslovespee 6 ай бұрын

with tears in his eyes, the general says to me "sir, mr machine..."

@kizza9 6 ай бұрын

This story has real "And then everyone stood up and clapped" energy"

@Chillbilly204 6 ай бұрын

Why would you risk it when bringing drugs here is like bringing sand to the beach anyway? Lol especially just weed.

@mattg4836 6 ай бұрын

He's so full of shit

@pissinthewindnb4l Жыл бұрын

He just didn’t want to be the guy that ruined the tour for a one hitter. True Canadian bro

@emmanuellagace152 Жыл бұрын

He's NOT Canadian. He stated that it was his first time in Canada.

@garrettmcguire6864 Жыл бұрын

@@emmanuellagace152 the border patrol guy is who he's talking about here, not the comedian

@trumpatier Жыл бұрын

@@emmanuellagace152 -10 Reading Comprehension

@TheSimulatorSmith Жыл бұрын

@@emmanuellagace152 bro you got and straight A’s in school but man your reading comprehension was straight F’s how’d you do it?

@picassopackboyz Жыл бұрын

@@emmanuellagace152 u should of paid attention he’s talking about the border security

@yazzy9975 Жыл бұрын

Smuggling drugs into Canada is like smuggling sushi into Japan.

@mrcla55yguy20 Жыл бұрын

😂😂😂

@Lilbro42069 Жыл бұрын

That's a... really good analogy

@yurrlocalparisite4910 Жыл бұрын

I couldn’t have worded it better than that, well done lmao

@ccright8285 Жыл бұрын

HAHAHAHAHAHA

@mahir7530 Жыл бұрын

😂😂😂😂

@casualviewing1096 6 ай бұрын

Another episode of ‘Things That Didn’t Happen’ with Brent Krishner

@Fee.1 6 ай бұрын

Dudes that guy that never dropped the grade school habit of lying needlessly about silly things

@darkerdaemon7794 6 ай бұрын

@@Fee.1he's a comedian, that's his excuse. He's a funny guy 😂

@Fee.1 6 ай бұрын

@@darkerdaemon7794 nah. That’s his nature. Not his profession/gig etc. A comedian as a friend isn’t synonymous with a pathological liar as a friend

@TopClips7777 6 ай бұрын

constant COHENcidences

@darkerdaemon7794 6 ай бұрын

@@Fee.1 did you not read the part about it being an excuse? Or just didn't comprehend it?

@JohnSmith-tk7nt 4 ай бұрын

Bert hasn't found a joke to tell yet where the punchline isn't "I'm the machine"

@Jordvntorres Жыл бұрын

He’s that one friend that puts everyone else in danger out of sheer ignorance 😂

@grider8344 Жыл бұрын

Stupidity 😂

@JG-ib7xk Жыл бұрын

Arrogance

@dreadheadgarage Жыл бұрын

He's like the dumb frat guy that gets people killed in the horror movies🤣🤣🤣

@CassiusClam Жыл бұрын

Coincidentally, he kinda looks like Allan from Hangover.

@josuevalar6465 Жыл бұрын

Stupidity

@GreyWolfe-cc1vm Жыл бұрын

This man's entire existence is saved by the phrase "I am the machine"

@Al1SV2 Жыл бұрын

true

@mpkp2011 Жыл бұрын

Cause it's a lie lmao

@Caoimhin93 Жыл бұрын

@mpkp2011 it's not, some woman from his exchange course confirmed it was real and provided a photo of him with the Russian gangsters

@mpkp2011 Жыл бұрын

@@Caoimhin93 a photo of people drinking together is all you need to believe they are Russian mobsters? Ok bud

@johnthreesixteenlookitup Жыл бұрын

@@mpkp2011 who cares , it's funny .

@RossMalagarie 5 ай бұрын

Gotta milk that machine joke for every drop😂

@gram_932 5 ай бұрын

Kind of had me believing it up until the “it’s an honor to meet the machine” part 😂

@g.benoit17 3 ай бұрын

Can you explain why people don’t believe that part? I only know of this guy because of his standup about being “The Machine” so I could see someone cracking a joke about a guy like the one described in that standup routine being silly enough to try to bring weed across a border. Like, wouldn’t people call him that to poke fun all the time if what they primarily know him from is that standup bit?

@jakenbake9878 3 ай бұрын

@@g.benoit17Bert just lies a lot. This story either never happened or it was completely different in reality.

@NosferatuFromtheLates Жыл бұрын

Rumour has it that after that, that border patrol officer put on his cowboy hat, winked, and walked into the sunset and was never heard from again.

@nh9336 Жыл бұрын

😂😂😂😂

@mauriciosantos6578 Жыл бұрын

Rumor has it he had a ticket to one of the shows 😂

@biancamunoz101 Жыл бұрын

I bet the border patrol was part of the Russian mafia in secret 🤣

@jadecameron9305 Жыл бұрын

As a Canadian I can confirm this to be true

@andrewpeto9842 Жыл бұрын

Mountie hat you idiot. God lol

@trickydown6969 Жыл бұрын

Sneaking weed into Canada is like sneaking beer into Oktoberfest.

@hollowtipdraco5223 Жыл бұрын

😂😂😂😂😂

@rip.youngb Жыл бұрын

😂😂😂

@trishcabral88 Жыл бұрын

Well that good to know 🎉

@83N Жыл бұрын

actually it makes sense to sneak beer into oktoberfest. its very expensive inside.

@Enju23 Жыл бұрын

You know how it goes for this shit, it’ll take years before Canada be amending that law for weed, plus they’d like to be able to make money from you buying our weed instead 😂

@Death_Rave 6 ай бұрын

Sneaking weed into canada is like sneaking beer into bert's house.

@BenWard29 6 ай бұрын

Bart has all the best completely true stories.

@jamesshannon737 Жыл бұрын

Bert's a Legend in his own mind.

@RipFreddy Жыл бұрын

Bret*

@aaronsu9607 Жыл бұрын

@@RipFreddy ?

@forcedtomakeanaccount7628 Жыл бұрын

@@aaronsu9607 Bert's his brother

@bigreddog502 Жыл бұрын

Favta

@chrisjolly4880 Жыл бұрын

Like him or not...he has somewhat legendary status from being the No.1 party animal in the country on whatever tf magazine lol fighting a bear, smashing drinks, jumping out of planes. Bert's an idiot but not a bad guy. Everyone isn't internet perfect

@chefskiss6179 Жыл бұрын

Oh yeah, that's Trevor. He's a good guy. - fellow canadian 😂😂😂

@mini_chimp_in_a_suit Жыл бұрын

Everyone knows me. Still looking for corey though.

@billieplaysmc9382 Жыл бұрын

@@mini_chimp_in_a_suit 😂😂😂😂

@billorphus Жыл бұрын

Smokes let's go

@Keagan14541 Жыл бұрын

I read this in Canadian and I'm from Texas LMAO

@Keagan14541 Жыл бұрын

Ooohh Yah Bud

@pit8557 6 ай бұрын

Taking weed to Canada 🇨🇦 is like taking chocolate to willy wonka

@harrowryan7944 6 ай бұрын

CBSA would not announce "Border Patrol" as they boarded a bus …………

@chase1146 Жыл бұрын

“It’s an honour meeting the machine” XD god Damn it

@jonstark7106 Жыл бұрын

Do you actually believe a word of this made up story?😂

@gainsandglory6808 Жыл бұрын

@@jonstark7106 yeah parts of it.

@jenniferwebb5954 Жыл бұрын

I bet my life he broke his pinch hitter on a bus ...and that's all that happened.

@jfeva415 Жыл бұрын

@@jonstark7106 someone sounds like they live a boring life 😂

@jonstark7106 Жыл бұрын

@@jfeva415 someone sounds like he has the mind of a naive 12 year old , no wonder you like bertard

@bovice1766 Жыл бұрын

Bert is the epitome of "Trust me bro"

@fitzjerry2507 Жыл бұрын

Yoooo😂😂😂

@nendo4344 Жыл бұрын

I mean he’s a comedian? Telling outlandish funny stories is kinda their main thing

@izukukageyama7552 Жыл бұрын

@@nendo4344 Just curious, what is the slightest bit outlandish about this story?

@darlingboyMMA Жыл бұрын

@@izukukageyama7552 So he has this story about how he partied with Russian mobsters as a high schooler and they called him the Machine. He's basically implying the border patrol knew him and just let him by even tho they knew he almost snuck drugs into Canada.

@timblahblahblah4904 Жыл бұрын

Here, hold my beer.

@Mr.KingsThings 6 ай бұрын

I'm starting to think Bert didn't even dump in a pizza box!??!

@chucktwnkid 5 ай бұрын

Flushing your drugs in a tour bus has one flaw... its still on the bus

@johnblack5764 Жыл бұрын

Bert is that kid that never stopped lieing to impress people.

@C69FH Жыл бұрын

Yup 😂 Exactly

@diceydie-c Жыл бұрын

Very accurate lol

@daltonh217 Жыл бұрын

lying* lol jesus, its not that hard

@allsmilesx0573 Жыл бұрын

I always hated those fuckers!

@heavymetal_cutting_fabrication Жыл бұрын

Well he’s retarded so it’s likely that this one is true. Fame gets you out of trouble almost always.

@wowMush Жыл бұрын

Hahaha. Of course Bert would ask…

@seanmcbrearty1365 Жыл бұрын

He didn’t ask. It’s not a real story. Grow up.

@bape520 Жыл бұрын

Tell me you don’t go outside without willing me you don’t go outside

@zam50 Жыл бұрын

@@seanmcbrearty1365 hopefully he comes back with the milk

@vyse102 Жыл бұрын

@@seanmcbrearty1365 The way this man runs his life it's entirely plausible. Dude's a mess.

@scourge8097 Жыл бұрын

@@vyse102 This is true. But LeAnne seems like a good women.

@johnfarmakis8518 6 ай бұрын

Glass one hitter. It’s called a chillum

@C.U.N.Tahiti 5 ай бұрын

Nobody calls it that, nerd

@JohnRNewAccountNumber3 4 ай бұрын

Or a one-hitter. Never heard the word chillum before.

@idonotknowanynames 4 ай бұрын

Ok Bert

@RobbieBobbie98 5 ай бұрын

A friend of mine worked as the night manager for a bus company at a bus station. He had a DEA jacket and would tell people that if they would hand over anything illegal that no charges would be filed against them and no questions asked and free to go. He stopped doing this when he came home with hundreds of pounds of cocaine

@lrussell851 4 ай бұрын

You could write jokes for Bert. Totally believable right up until that last line.

@whoeverthefuckiwanttobe4962 Жыл бұрын

Bert is a legend, with no witness account of anyone beside himself…💀

@steviebreeden5458 Жыл бұрын

He has witnesses

@jarviselmerhath7769 Жыл бұрын

It’s even funnier that the story is so lame.

@cerealkiller5825 Жыл бұрын

@Jarvis Elmerhath Well I think it was funny...

@enriquecabrera2137 Жыл бұрын

@@steviebreeden5458 he doesn't have witnesses of HIS stories. He has witnesses of things that happened around the time that were similar but nothing ever even remotely close to what he says happened.

@deathslimzz3592 Жыл бұрын

@@jarviselmerhath7769 aw lol

@Fitins400 7 ай бұрын

"It's an honor meeting the machine" -File that under never happened

@Syntrax88 5 ай бұрын

Along with 95% of everything else he has ever said.. 😂😅😂

@robcurtis1779 5 ай бұрын

I completely agree. That guy is full of crap

@robcurtis1779 5 ай бұрын

I completely agree. That guy is full of crap

@TheGeneral_LUFC 5 ай бұрын

Lol

@ranranpoopants 5 ай бұрын

He wants everyone to call him the machine so bad. 😂😂😂

@Webedunn 6 ай бұрын

I snuck a 1/4 ounce of KB into Calgary from the states in 1991 off American Airlines. I was so scared that I sweated off my deodorant and my PITTS WUZ KICKIN!😂

@markstevens1729 6 ай бұрын

Must have covered the weed smell with BO - very effective! Dogs be barfing. “No drugs here…”

@walterlaten7662 6 ай бұрын

He flushed it for em and probably said oh the machine left a gift for us 😂

@kuhnville3145 Жыл бұрын

Sneaking weed into Canada is like sneaking beer into Wisconsin

@srslysarcastic8386 8 ай бұрын

True

@srslysarcastic8386 8 ай бұрын

You didn't have to call us out.....but your right

@kuhnville3145 8 ай бұрын

@@srslysarcastic8386 us as in Canada or Wisconsin?

@xfran1065 8 ай бұрын

Now 5 months later I'm still curious ..

@jonlamos4660 7 ай бұрын

Just to be clear Wisconsin isn’t known around the world for beer just so you know your cheese is what your state is known for nice try at trying to switch it up for something cooler then RAT food!

@BurchellAtTheWharf 6 ай бұрын

Should of just said. Wait a minute, let me smoke it😅

@CharlieAligaen 6 ай бұрын

The Machine and the Canadian Border Patrol robbed the train.

@illicitryan Жыл бұрын

Bert is a mix of hangover and weekend at bernies

@beanholder3634 Жыл бұрын

Fun stories but purely hypothetical?

@bigmateria2871 Жыл бұрын

Drug fueled shweekend at creepy shirtless comedian Uncle Berties.

@josed7576 Жыл бұрын

P.C.U. At Bernie's Weekend Hangover

@illicitryan Жыл бұрын

@@beanholder3634 I would imagine he exaggerates as much if not more than everyone else lol

@idonotknowanynames 4 ай бұрын

But those were comedies and this is Bert

@discodirk48 Жыл бұрын

I went to the states once from Canada and my friend said the night before make sure you don't bring any drugs with you. But I forgot I had rolled a j and put it in my shirt pocket and forgot about it and I didn't discover it till after we had crossed unchecked. I was so shocked and relieved after!

@Aidan-wilson Жыл бұрын

Usually you don’t gotta be too concerned about crossing the borders into the US from Canada, especially if you are coming into Detroit from Windsor they dgaf🤣

@boostaddict_ Жыл бұрын

@@Aidan-wilson I find the tunnel is waaaaay easier than the bridge, was through in like 5 minutes a few weeks ago while the bridge was 15-20 minutes. It's also cheaper lol.

@ratm183 Жыл бұрын

@@Aidan-wilson I had to wake the guy up in the booth at 4:30am once while crossing through the tunnel into Detroit, but that was a month or 2 before 9/11. Everything changed after that.

@bus6292 Жыл бұрын

@@ratm183 Here in WA north is BC so no one really cares either way unless you're trying to tax evade in some way.

@azmanabdula Жыл бұрын

Years ago up north of Australia I was using my CD case to make the mix Being me I always save the good seeds I put them in my CD case *Wasnt even thinking about it, second nature* When i got home I saw the seeds in the cd case and thought Shit, what the sentence for getting caught with 9 seeds? XD Seriously anyone know?

@denise3991 5 ай бұрын

They held me 4 hrs thank God for the broker. Truck cab was a little stinky 😔😔🤕

@asparaguswine9192 3 ай бұрын

One of my friends is a border officer and was there for this. They got photos with him 😂

@terencenordberg7482 Жыл бұрын

“I’D SAY ITS AN HONOUR MEETING THE MACHINE” (for those who don’t speak mumble)

@infoinfo991 Жыл бұрын

God bless you!

@lola_incarnate Жыл бұрын

Thank you sir

@joeakajoe1 Жыл бұрын

And what does that mean?

@Mike_TNVol4Life Жыл бұрын

Thank you! I had no idea what he said 😂😂

@RealJasmineLove Жыл бұрын

@joeakajoe1 The machine is the story of a kid who toured Russia who earned the respect of the Russian Mob/Military. Look it up. Great true story.

@YouBetterCallSaul Жыл бұрын

Of course Bert wouldn’t take the time to google if you can just buy weed in Canada 😂

@skitskert7244 Жыл бұрын

Lol weeds super legal in Canada they probably just take your shit and say buy our weed lol

@YouBetterCallSaul Жыл бұрын

@@skitskert7244 if you're caught crossing a US/Canadian border with drugs you can get hit with an international drug smuggling/possession charge bc it's federally illegal and illegal in Canada to cross the border with weed. Even if weed is legal in the providence in Canada AND the state you're entering regardless of method of travel - it's dumb

@sheasmith9902 Жыл бұрын

@@YouBetterCallSaul u would think the same logic would apply with alcohol then but ofc it doesn’t lol

@krippkeeper Жыл бұрын

I don't know when the first time he went to Canada was, but weed wasn't always legal here.

@sheasmith9902 Жыл бұрын

@@krippkeeper I know. That’s kinda how it worked everywhere. I’m just saying it’s strange that logic only applies to weed and not alcohol

@Rizzbulla 6 ай бұрын

I really despise Bert.

@heywoodjablome2018 11 ай бұрын

This is one of those Bert stories that's complete 🦬💩

@GabrielDeleon-qj7bj 5 ай бұрын

Buffalo shit one notch up from Bull shit 💀😂

@texantornadomma Жыл бұрын

"Fuck the laws, this is Canada"

@sandwiches2.094 Жыл бұрын

Hell ya brother

@count.3842 Жыл бұрын

the irony

@indinsea4206 Жыл бұрын

@@count.3842of what?

@count.3842 Жыл бұрын

@@indinsea4206 canada is one of the most tyrannical countries right now

@indinsea4206 Жыл бұрын

@@count.3842 thats cap

@doublevisionmedialiaisons2235 4 ай бұрын

As an Expat who repatriated back to Canada after 18 years abroad I can confirm, our border officers and airport officers are some of the chillest people. Had a full bottle of alcohol in my carryon not realizing it should have gone in checkin luggage and the guy’s response? You could drink it all here and then pass.” Whaaat? Had a friend come back and pick up the bottle. Get back to bag inspection and next words were, “So did you drink it all?” Love how authoritative, firm and respectfully chill and reasonable our border patrol are!

@Dr.OSIFOF 6 ай бұрын

Cop had a ticket to the concert and will never ruin it.

@lewe666 8 ай бұрын

The definition of "trust me, bro"

@blobmonster7870 6 ай бұрын

99% of his storys are bullshit, even the machine, nothing in that story happened

@mrnevermind 6 ай бұрын

He is known to make up stuff

@dontbesodense 4 ай бұрын

It's will be a half kilo next time he tells the story

@TheBeefTrain Жыл бұрын

It feels like everything he says is a lie.

@whitestguyuknow Жыл бұрын

yeah i rolled my eyes. Can't believe it

@soiledhalo2296 Жыл бұрын

Considering the story in Russia checked out, I'm more than willing to believe his crazy stories.

@jimmyspeedball3512 Жыл бұрын

He's insufferable.

@zachary_smith1 Жыл бұрын

Yea. Who smokes weed right? So fake. Lmao. Not everything is a lie

@TheBeefTrain Жыл бұрын

@@zachary_smith1 Yeah *thats* the part I couldn't believe. 🥴

@yashnigam6 6 ай бұрын

Only Bert would think flushing drugs on a tour bus would get rid of the evidence.

@SlickArmor 6 ай бұрын

Depends on the rugs. My rugs would disappear in a glass of Pepsi. Then eat the paper container.

@roulettec 6 ай бұрын

I like how joe whispered in his mic like no one will hear it

@MrRayj35 Жыл бұрын

Damn...that's like taking sand to the freaking beach!

@PFPTHEGREATEST Жыл бұрын

Right? Who tf brings drugs into Canada? That's all we have to do up here!

@suparcamel5852 Жыл бұрын

Yeah well you’re not allowed to bring your own sand to this beach.

@Chadimir Жыл бұрын

@@suparcamel5852 it’s like how you aren’t allowed to bring your own popcorn to the movies or alcohol to the bar

@TheBoxingNinja Жыл бұрын

I saw your comment after I said the exact same thing.

@AlmightyAnti Жыл бұрын

Trusting a random person for drugs is how you get robbed in America we gotta bring it

@faithfuljohn9836 Жыл бұрын

I will take: "Things that never happened for 500 Alex"

@daviddella9143 7 ай бұрын

Haters gonna hate

@jamesnightingale2788 7 ай бұрын

@@daviddella9143talmbout haders B

@jaydawg7 7 ай бұрын

Especially the "It's an honor to meet the machine" part. This oaf is deluded.

@tentaklaus9382 7 ай бұрын

@@jaydawg7Yeah his eyes spinning around knowing hes lying out of his back teeth.

@slabathonfury3879 7 ай бұрын

@daviddella9143 the guys whole act is made up fantastical stories

@austinmonty5536 4 ай бұрын

Nobody has ever been honored to meet the machine hell the chances that border patrol even knew who you were are super slim.🤣🤣

@18aplateindoors 4 ай бұрын

The fakness of that ending is true comedy

@hunter5822 Жыл бұрын

Bert is a train wreck who’s only survived this long cause he’s a person who’s too simple to be malicious and too fun to get mad at.

@japiro14 Жыл бұрын

And leane

@135Zeus Жыл бұрын

And people like him and know him.

@alexsylling1449 Жыл бұрын

You just described me fam thanks

@michellesassouni2863 Жыл бұрын

That doesn’t sound like a bad person at all

@rajat_.m Жыл бұрын

@@michellesassouni2863 never said he was a bad person. Just a bad confusion comedian.

@SlimNilez Жыл бұрын

Totally real story that happened, great to have convos with a man that’s so honest, comedic genius.

@michaelkitz2090 7 ай бұрын

Joe Rogans podcast has gotten worse bc of him constantly bringing in D- comics who he’s friends with it’s insufferable

@kriscollinstunes 7 ай бұрын

Riiiiiiiiight

@MrBrian17172002 6 ай бұрын

I see what you did there 😂

@dustinb2258 6 ай бұрын

Uh huh. 😉

@Robert-hc4uk 6 ай бұрын

He is full of BS.

@islandlife887 4 ай бұрын

Bringing weed to Canada is like bringing sand to the beach.

@dz5598 6 ай бұрын

He should have been arrested and thrown in jail

@j0ellyfish Жыл бұрын

I have a friend who had the very same experience. He had weed in his car and the border patrol stopped him - asking if he had and drugs on board. He started freaking out and trying to explain himself and they stopped him mid sentence and asked once again while shaking their head in a silent ' say no.' "Do you have any drugs on you?" He was in awe and replied "no...?" "Okay, enjoy your stay in Canada!"

@mikhail5428 Жыл бұрын

*Yeah, they aren't gonna bust you for a shitty amount, they bust the real traffickers*

@nicholasheath6585 Жыл бұрын

That's what people don't get most officers anywhere, don't care unless you're trying to snuggle!

@samb202 Жыл бұрын

This is so cringe. Your friend is a coward and not to be trusted. Border patrol was like “do we really want to listen to this 🐱 cry for two hours?”

@kyleduddleston4123 Жыл бұрын

@@nicholasheath6585 Yeah, they throw the book at those dang snugglers with their blankets and movies.

@j0ellyfish Жыл бұрын

@@samb202 The only thing cringe is your name. Go back to the 90's. He was gestured to say no because they didn't give a fuck.

@gdarippa69 7 ай бұрын

His wife: When did this happen?

@whitemamba3085 5 ай бұрын

😂😂

@Edfiki86 6 ай бұрын

“Look at this hoser trying to be sneaky, eh?”

@mean_deen 4 ай бұрын

it’s so hard for me to believe any of his stories now, i don’t think that happened for one second.

@princesalami4987 4 ай бұрын

It’s definitely a fake story. People do anything for attention

@annatardlordofderps9181 Жыл бұрын

You're not allowed to bring drugs into Canada for the same reason you're not allowed to bring your own drinks into a theater.

@tp7848 Жыл бұрын

Underrated comment for sure. Lol

@mkaylor121 4 ай бұрын

When did theaters start serving alcohol I lived in Hawaii from 2001 to 2016 and they never had it there

@jeremiahedwards7726 Жыл бұрын

I'm sure that's a true story.... 😂

@user-zi1hq9ni7c Жыл бұрын

“It’s an honour meeting the machine” okay Bert🤣

@lancelance9314 Жыл бұрын

He makes so much up it’s insane

@seansmith1725 Жыл бұрын

@@user-zi1hq9ni7c right, give away that its fake lol

@Ihaveamouthandmusteat78916 Жыл бұрын

@@lancelance9314 may be fake but it’s entertainment. Not everything has to be real.

@lancelance9314 Жыл бұрын

@@Ihaveamouthandmusteat78916 it’s stupid cuz he’s claiming it to be real

@BrindleHeart_ 4 ай бұрын

Blurt told that “machine” story 14 years ago, 14 years. And still to this day its all he’s got😂

@Idk..983 4 ай бұрын

I love the fact that he says your not supposed to bring drugs into Canada like your allowed to bring drugs into every other country 😂 gotta love this guy

@TheDarkforcemovies Жыл бұрын

“It’s an honor to meet the machine” bros ego was working border patrol that day

@sumirunihon Жыл бұрын

that border guy definitely passed the vibe check

@kray421 Жыл бұрын

@Jon Jingles lmao ikr

@anon2427 Жыл бұрын

“Vibe check”🤓

@blueninjanoname7338 Жыл бұрын

Corny

@rxa_xna9370 Жыл бұрын

to the two people above, leave em alone. ever heard of "If you dont have something nice to say, dont say it."

@jasonvoorhees7288 Жыл бұрын

@@rxa_xna9370 Welcome to the internet....this is not your safe space buddy.

@lazerduckzilla Жыл бұрын

all of his stories start sounding true but then end up one of those “and then everybody clapped” stories 🤣

@frostedlambs Жыл бұрын

Yeah that ending is complete shit lol

@theallaroundnerd9889 Жыл бұрын

@Hellfire missile salesman I mean, when you are a pretty popular comedian it isn't all that improbable that you could meet a guy who's a fan and probably expected that of you and let you off with a warning

@Infidelc Жыл бұрын

@@frostedlambs It's not entirely impossible. When I was younger I remember we were smoking a joint at a school at night back when it was still illegal and cops showed up. All they said to us was "put that out and go smoke it somewhere else"

@johnnymartinez478 Жыл бұрын

Because they’re all lies

@armyaj Жыл бұрын

Don't forget they then end up married with six kids

@lazystorage 6 ай бұрын

Forgot i had a joint after a 2 night phish run and he just let me through after callling me on it 😂

@Carol-jg4vj 3 ай бұрын

Said by no Canadian border officer ever!

@coledoyle5950 Жыл бұрын

*border guy proceeds to apologize for finding the pipe and making him wait*

@SaucySamurai Жыл бұрын

"what'd you bring?" "Was it DMT? 😂

@KuchisabishiiYo Жыл бұрын

Dimethyl tretramine ?!?

@EnigmaGameMaster Жыл бұрын

Dude recently, a canadian website I know called shroombros selling magic mushrooms added DMT to its catalogue, it's so based, those drugs are illegal yet the government effectively lets clear, regular web sites sell that shit openly.

@kierancrocker5379 Жыл бұрын

@@KuchisabishiiYolol

@onradioactivewaves Жыл бұрын

...then out of nowhere, NDT comes in with some ecstatic interruption...

@Volker109 Жыл бұрын

thats definitely a a question joe rogan would ask

@FullOnDoubleNamaha 6 ай бұрын

He’s a liar they didn’t say that shit to him.

@smartazz61 4 ай бұрын

Thank God Canada had at least one cool cop.

@bigjerm1631 Жыл бұрын

Ngl that story sounds too good to be true. Its perfect. So much so, I don't believe it. It's almost like he wrote it

@giantidiot31 Жыл бұрын

Yeah “the machine” was already enough of a good story, with eyewitness testimony. But since it’s his best joke, I guess he has to keep retreading it to keep interest up

@SLODEE86 Жыл бұрын

CBSA is a bit more relaxed then homeland. Based on my own experiences I don’t doubt this happened. Plus Weed is legal nation wide. Your just not allowed to bring it across. Have to buy here and pay the taxman

@mikasauce Жыл бұрын

@@SLODEE86 yea all his stories seem fake

@romainsavioz5466 Жыл бұрын

@@mikasauce 🤦🏻‍♂️

@falcon19954 Жыл бұрын

@@SLODEE86 this story happened way before they legalized it

@Flerg3 11 ай бұрын

And then he partied with border patrol all night…..

@jimmyquick7115 6 ай бұрын

😂😂😂😂👍👍

@ORDEROFTHEKNIGHTSTEMPLAR13 6 ай бұрын

Who is he????

@ronfrezno5353 6 ай бұрын

@@ORDEROFTHEKNIGHTSTEMPLAR13A world class BS artist

@graciesmith3368 6 ай бұрын

⁠⁠He’s “The Machine!” 😂

@pocasanchez 5 ай бұрын

And then they said "Trudeau who?! ALL HAIL BERT!🙌" 😅 I have a neighbor just like him who lives in a garbage 2 bedroom house w 6 kids and says that he's royalty and he's just here to flip this house real quick to help the community...nevermind that its been 6 years and he's made 0 progress on this house, except for erecting 2 giant concrete lions in front of his Lowes-papered house😂 I had no idea Lowes paper was suitable as a long-term exterior material, but I have to say, it looks just as new as it did when we moved in!😅 he also showed me these amazing "hand carved wooden ducks" he made and went on and on about the tools he used and how long it took and then after I noticed them being identical, I flipped one over and it said made in china😅 he also loves to create drama and tension and on this same day, he suddenly wanted to show me his guns and how they work and then also randomly said "yeah, I'm just waiting for the cops to come by" and I was waiting for the rest but he wanted me to ask about it so I was like "umm, ok. Why?" And he said he was interviewing for the local police force(4 Years ago), yet is still unemployed. He also owns a Victorian house AND a castle, but is just choosing to live here for now. Hes also a politician! Lol dude is so shady he's had like 4 last names and 3 wives(first 2 are in mental institutions now).

@1awesome180 4 ай бұрын

More proof that famous people are above the law

@therealwhoopigoldberg 4 ай бұрын

No. This is only proof that you're gullible as shit.

@badhombre4942 6 ай бұрын

Sure you are allowed, as long as you share.

@brooksbrooks6805 Жыл бұрын

This is like a story some teenager would make up for his friends to sound cool...

@agroumoutis Жыл бұрын

That’s how u know Bert did it

@ryancarthen2198 Жыл бұрын

the guy is super famous rich and for some fucked up reason people like him. I would bet the house this story is 82 percent true

@Spengleman2 Жыл бұрын

@@ryancarthen2198 closer to 20 but sure

@connorshaw-case6030 Жыл бұрын

thats how bert's comedic shtick works. not too much a fan of it. but eh what you expect from a society of narcissistic vane petty children of course they would idolize a overweight delusional man baby.

@jyrese117 Жыл бұрын

the last part sounds exaggerated but it sounds pretty believable

@TheArchersTungsten Жыл бұрын

I’m sure that’s exactly what happened every story is just amazing, what a guy.

@josejose2567 Жыл бұрын

I believe his stories may be a Lil exaggerated but true

@shimodafilms Жыл бұрын

Baseball cap

@new0news Жыл бұрын

I sort of believe it just because in Canada the right leaning people (which are many cops and security people) are starting to get absolutely brainwashed by social media in covid it became obvious they were no longer really enforcing laws they didn't agree agree with and the governments did nothing about it. I could for sure see one of them letting a person through the border that they were a fan of on social media.

@drewmartinez6628 Жыл бұрын

@@josejose2567 over not a lil exaggerated

@derrick9635 5 ай бұрын

Bert got rich permanently being a teenager. That's quite special.

@Aaron-gh6we 4 ай бұрын

You might forget but rolling stones did an article about him when he was in college for being an absolute party animal.

@codywheeler6200 Жыл бұрын

That man just cannot stop lying lol

@kingofrivia1248 Жыл бұрын

I choose to believe him. Everyone always vouches for what bert says. I think its the truth.

@napeejay7161 Жыл бұрын

Its certified bullshit

@bswitza Жыл бұрын

Or maybe you need to get out more. The world is full of crazy time and chance.

@duelingsora Жыл бұрын

Life must be dull for you. Lol

@napeejay7161 Жыл бұрын

@@duelingsora theres nothing dull about not finding enjoyment in lackluster authenticity

@bobmarls Жыл бұрын

"it's an honor meeting the machine" is the codeword that this story is cap.

@RutherfordBeehayze-kw2mz Жыл бұрын

wtf do you mean?

@jamestoop4767 9 ай бұрын

@@RutherfordBeehayze-kw2mz bert is a liar and it never happened.

@joel.ha. 8 ай бұрын

@@RutherfordBeehayze-kw2mznobody would ever be honored to meet him, and nobody would ever call him "the machine"

@RutherfordBeehayze-kw2mz 8 ай бұрын

@@joel.ha. I had never heard the term "cap"

@joel.ha. 8 ай бұрын

@RutherfordBeehayze-kw2mz oh fr? I'm pretty disconnected from the world but I've been hearing it here and there for the past year or so. For some reason it just means "falsehood" or so

@TheAmtwhite 3 ай бұрын

It’s definitely not worth it. Don’t bring drugs over the border.

@itsuboat2011 6 ай бұрын

That’s like taking a vacuum into space

@appalachian_restorations229 11 ай бұрын

We’ve all seen those Canadian border videos. He’s 100% lying

@vanguardraidcommand2285 6 ай бұрын

Probably not. Most drugs are legal in Canada at this point. Nobody even really cares

@Josh-cw8by 5 ай бұрын

Don't be absurd. Most drugs are still illegal in Canada. The only place that has decriminalized hard drugs is B.C. @@vanguardraidcommand2285

@B-DINO Жыл бұрын

"I'll take inflated stories that never happened for 500 Alex"

@tatebones544 Жыл бұрын

The only thing that's probably true is that fumbled to the bathroom and broke his bowl shitting his pants that he's gonna be some Canadians butt buddy shit pusher in bitch in jail

@chirpy7049 Жыл бұрын

That's every single comedian stories/ stand up comedy stories. Never happened lmao

@youtubecensorship842 Жыл бұрын

"My life is boring, so everyone else must have boring lives too, also security and law enforcement are perfect humans with no biases or favoritism." Consider your comment audited.

@ryutou-ki4dl Жыл бұрын

@@youtubecensorship842 xD im recovering addict, the amount of drugs ive had cops let me go with is more than some ppl have done in their lives, this shit sounds hella real comment audited burn

@B-DINO Жыл бұрын

@@youtubecensorship842 , your name is Lorgar...from your name and your comment I can see you're a fan of fiction. Consider your comment audited and failed. ❌️