“Good Evening, this is the pilot speaking. Tonight we are heading to Atlanta. If you are not going to Atlanta, then one of us is on the wrong plane.” Actual announcement.

One train driver said in an announcement "We are now arriving at our next stop, please make sure you take all your baggage with you. That includes your emotional baggage!"

Heard on London Underground: "Sorry for the delay to your journey, I'm sure you are all anxious to get home and start your weekend. Unless you are married to my ex-wife, in which case you probably want to alight here, cross over to the other platform and head back into London."

I asked a stewardess whether it was safer sat at the front or back of a plane. She said that one of the benefits of flying cattle class at the back was that if the plane crashed, the impact would be cushioned by the posh folk upfront in first class and the added advantage was that very few planes ever Reverse into mountains, or into the sea.

When I visited London once a train driver said. "If you see someone doing something suspicious, such as smiling, please report them to the crew"

A guide on the tourist bus in Ireland once said "Please visit again, we may hate each other but we love tourists"

My train was reported with a 12 minute delay on the official schedule, upon approaching the station the driver announced that we had actually arrived on time due to his "Formula 1 driving" and proceeded to call himself "Max Verstappen" cause he was Dutch. Gotta love it

On a nearly empty flight from Philadelphia PA to Greenville SC a crewmember gave the following announcement: "Smoking is not permitted inside this or any of our aircraft. If you feel you must smoke, a flight attendant will be happy to escort you to one of our wings." 😁

I was once on a plane and the pilot said “I just want you to know that it is my birthday today, presents will be greatly appreciated. What won’t be appreciated is people clapping after we land because most of our journey is due to autopilot.”

My heart goes out to whoever was eating during the "Woooooooo" segment.

The first ever time I went to the UK, I was on the Gatwick airport express train on route to London and they had some schedule mishap that caused a much slower train that was in front of us to slow us down. Every single time we slowed down, the guy on the speaker would crack jokes and be all positive about it like "Well we're slowing down once again but at least there are some cows to look at on the right." Best first impression I have ever had about something ever.

The fact they were already recording means this is either a regular thing or that this was going on for a lot longer than this.

*Turns all lights off* "WooOOOooo" *Turns lights back on* Lol epic driver

I was on a train once and the conductor said: "we will shortly be arriving at Exeter St David's, if you are leaving any personal items behind on the train then ensure they are of high value and by that I mean monetary or caloric as I am partial to a nice donught or brownie" love that guy

My dad has told me a story about one time when he was on a plane flight going somewhere (he never said where, or I never remembered it). The landing was really rough, with the plane getting bounced around a lot and whatnot. Once the plane stopped, someone got on the intercom and said something to the effect of, "Hey Everybody, sorry about that landing, but that was pretty good for his first time!"

At least I understand him. In NYC, they be like: *"incomprehensible mumbling"*

Roses r red Violets r blue The lights went out WOOOOO

This man could narrate the dictionary and I'd listen to all of it.

"You rang" "Yes, I'd like to report someone suspicious" "Okay, who would that be" "The driver"

Was on a train to Munich, when there was an announcement. "Dear passengers, I am happy to announce that if you look out of the left side of the train you will see a rainbow." Just lovely

Ngl but the "WOOOOOOOoooooo" part caught me off guard. Had me burst laughing.

The WoooOOOOoooo felt like an impulse decision and honestly it’s one of the greatest things I’ve ever been close to witnessing, if not the only.

I once was on a train which came to a halt in between cities.. After five minutes the driver made the announcement "I would very much like to tell you why we are stopped, but nobody's talking to me either". :-/

I like how he tells people they can sleep on the train and immediately scares them with a ghost noise

The part where he turned off the lights and was like "oooOOOooo" killed me.

One time on a very bumpy plane ride, the pilot said after like a crap ton of turbulence “Ya like rollercoasters?”

The fact that he still included all the relevant train information throughout is just amazing. A true professional

There used to be another train driver who spoke with this really posh accent, he always got us laughing. He later left Southern for Gatwick, but he passed away early this year, and he was only 43. So sad 😞

Imagine if he said nothing, just cuts the lights and go "WOOOOoooOOOOOoooOOO on the speakers.

Friend of my sister was once in a train that stopped working. Guy said "I've got good and bad news. The bad news is all engines have shut off. The good news is you're not in an airplane"

Reminds me of that fun and very tolerant busdriver we had a few years back. After an open air festival, when everyone attending till the very end, tried to take the bus to get the last train, that was leaving the small town..some drunk guys were trying to tell the driver which direction to drive and the busdriver answered via the speakers to the amusement to all other passengers. At some point the busdriver made a bet with the drunk that if he follows his usual route and turn left there will be a busstop and if he’s right then the drunk has to sing a song, but if the drunk would be right and the busstop would not be there , then the busdriver would sing. In the end the drunk had to sing, but he choose a good song that lots of ppl on the bus knew and more than half the ppl on the bus chimed in. Ppl on the streets were literally turning their heads towards the more than full packed community bus with singing passengers😹

There's a classic Hungarian joke going like this: * MÁV ANNOUNCING SOUND * "We'd like to inform you that the train arriving to Budapest-Keleti from Szeged will be late by 8 hours because the passangers push it slowly! Thank you! We do not return any of the tickets!"

"The next stop is coming up shortly. Or at least it should be. If it isn't, we're lost. Which is going to be very confusing, as we've only been using the one track. *"You Spin Me Round (Like A Record) by Dead or Alive" starts playing*

“Good evening passengers, this is your pilot speaking, we’re right now going in the Atlantic ocean, i mean going above the Atlantic ocean”

Once when I was on a tram the driver also began playing airline pilot and announcing each stop like: "Attention passengers, we are now in final approach to [next stop] Please remain seated until the vehicle has come to a complete stop. If you are connecting to another destination, please check the lighted display at the stop for departure times. If this is your final destination, we wish you a very pleasant day and thank you for riding Munich Tramways". That made all of us smile, and everyone thanked him as they got off. It certainly got my day off to a lovely start! 🙂

My uncle used to work at one of the major London terminals. His favourite story was announcing "please do not try to board the train on platform 9... No really, please don't... The train on platform 9 is currently on fire, so please do not try to board it..."

They don't pay him enough

Unlike the NYC subway, you can understand what he's saying.

I love the way that, after to ‘woooooo’ he moves seamlessly into the next part as though it never happened.

My favorite train announcement was on a severely delayed Deutsche Bahn train that kept getting stopped on the tracks. When we were finally approaching the end station, three hours late, they made an announcement that as an apology, they would like to offer everyone on board a complimentary beverage in the dining car. This was closely followed by "Unfortunately, we only have water." Everyone groaned and sat back down.

This is like an Easter egg dialogue in a game you get to hear if you stay on the train past the point where you're supposed to get off.

This dude either loves or hates his job There's no in between

Many years ago, we were waiting to board a train that was stopped at the station. There was a while to wait before departure, so we wandered up to the front end to show my very young daughter where the driver sat. Sweet guy picked her up and showed her what it was like inside. Absolutely brilliant!

We need more characters like this guy, making a boring journey enjoyable.

You can tell he likes he's job. Small things like that could brighten someone else's day on that train...

I remember when before a fight to Egypt, on the runway, the pilot said: "Don't worry guys, I've played many Flight Simulators before" and everyone started giggling 😂

Once on an airplane the guy said “make sure not to leave any of your personal belongings, or you will find them on Ebay.” Love him.

We're sorry for the delay this has been caused by chronic underinvestment of rail infrastructure

Imagine someone deaf just sitting on that train wondering why everyone is laughing. And then the lights go out...

i love how he added in all the necessary information hes required to give yet still manages to easily slip in some laughs

I know someone who took a flight with Ryanair. The landing was extremely bumpy, so much so that the plane actually bounced back up into the air before landing again. Once they came to a stop the pilot came over the tannoy to do his landing announcement, and finished by saying "Ryanair, two landings for the price of one."

"Crisps, sweets, beers and wine, let's have a party back at mine" - man pulling the refreshments trolley on my train

The prime example of someone who takes pleasure in life in general, and doesn’t let the rest of the world bring him down :)

I once had a pilot say he was fresh out of pilot school and once he figures out what these buttons do hopefully we’ll be in the air.

I’m so surprised how he didn’t even stutter at all. He’s probably been joking around with the passengers for years. This is why I love trains, you can joke around without worrying.

My train once had to go back to the main station due to some or an other reason, The train driver said: “Ok, everyone. You are allowed to swear, you are allowed to be angry, You aren’t allowed to shoot anyone though.”

I wish all drivers and pilots were like this entertaining.

Once on a plane, attendant went: "Please keep all your devices on airplane mode, if you're that one teenager that doesn't then shame on you."

My favourite was a bus driver taking over his vehicle wearing dark glasses and carrying a white walking stick (both from Lost Property), being guided down the mess room stairs and onto the bus by a number of very helpful workmates...made for some interesting reactions...I suppose it couldn't happen today...

I like to believe that every situation in England is basically a Monty Python sketch

I love the harmless fun this guy has. I wish more public transport was like this more often, and less awkward silence and disconnected was.

Once I flew in a plane... The pilot said on landing: "I would like to thank our most hardworking member" "Autopilot"

In all seriousness tho, props to this dude for introducing me to towns & cities in the UK which I’ve never heard of before.

This reminds me of this underground driver on Halloween this year (2021). Her name was Sarah, and she re-named all the stops to Halloween themed (for example, Belsize Park to Hellsize Park) lolll. Super fun!

There is a recording from Ukrainian airlines, where pilot in an extremely relaxed voice said: "Dear passengers, you traveling via Ukrainian Intercity Airlines, temperature outside you could feel when you were outside, temperature inside you feeling right about now. We might experience some turbulence, we wouldn't want that obviously, but it might happen. I hope I won't disappoint you on my second flight regardless. We can do without clapping after landing, can't hear a thing here anyway." Then he attempted to say the speech in English, but stumbled on the second word and just concluded with "... who am I even trying for? Let's fly already"

What a legend. Give this man a pay rise.

The station staff at Victoria Station on the Circle and District line are quite funny as well. "The doors will be closing in 5...4...3...2...1....Aw too late you missed it! You are going to have to be quicker than that to catch the next one!" Had me in stitches! 😆

a train in germany was going too fast so they had to wait for like 10 minutes at a smaller trainstation to get clearance to get into the central station, the driver was on the intercom and said "I pressed the gas padel a bit too much and we're now waiting for clearance, should take like 10 minutes, i dont know, go outside and have a smoke or something"

Whoever put in the subtitles THANK YOU SO MUCH.

I had a pilot announce “You’re flying with Captain Funk tonight...” and I was intrigued by the possibilities. Sadly, it appeared that was just his name. No funk ensued.

The voice getting the resemblance of Rowan Atkinson is making the bit even funnier.

As someone who commutes regularly, they will pull something like this over the intercom every once in a while and it’s the best 😂 I think my favourite was this one time the guy made puns/jokes about the name of every station the train stopped at. It was GOLD 😂 xx

I once had the person on the airplane say “everyone going to Disney world?” And everyone shouted “yes” except for one person who said “no, I’m going to universal studios!”

Get this guy on Radio

I once had a similar experince in a bus where the busdriver welcomed people onboard the bus at every stop and even wished them a wonderful day whenever they got off again. It made the trip for me personally a lot more cheerful and people were happy though we all wore a mask! ♥

I use the tram every day to work and there is this one guy sometimes that runs the tram and when there is someone running to catch it he tells everyone to round of applause to the guy for catching it. Little things like this man really just give a little hop to your day.

My anesthesiologist told me it was his first day on the job but I fell asleep before I could respond with panic.

LMAO THE “WOOoOOooOoOOO” PART WHERE HE TURNS OFF THE LIGHTS IM DEADDDD

The best ride of my life was taking a shuttle to Disneyland that was 10 minutes behind schedule. It felt just like that bus scene from Harry Potter, I've NEVER seen someone drive a bus that fast, all the while he's going _"hands and feet inside the ride, if you lose an arm we are NOT going back for it!"_ 🤣🤣

Man, I've been to the UK 3 times so far and I am always looking forward to train rides, because the announcements some train drivers have prepared are just awesome. Better than any comedy show :D I've only had such a cool train driver once here in Germany and everyone loved it. Bless these men and women for putting smiles on people's faces!

I was on a plane and the pilot was blasting some Justin Bieber song and he was like "Y'all wanna go to Barbados? Put ya hand up if ya wanna go to Barbados" most ppl put their hand up (it was summer) and he said " Sorry but we gotta go to Italy" 😂

I was on the way back for, a school trip to Venice on the plane and our teacher got the pilot to announce our homework for the next week. It was hilarious.

I remember this guy, we were on a train coming back from London and he said there was a replacement bus service at Purley. Then he said I know a song about that and started to sing the wheels on the bus go round and round. We need more like him.

I was stuck in a train because the doors wouldn't open. When they finally fixed it and the doors swung open the conductor proclaimed: "Customer retention is what we call thát!"

Once a train drive said before take off “if your baby starts crying, god help you. Because these people hate crying babies” I was like “uuuuhhhhh”

Sounds like he's had a long night and his shift is nearly over. Poor guy. We'll let him have his fun.

My last train went through some tiny city I'd never heard of, the train conductor announced it as "finally we're about to arrive in World City Gütersloh!!" (I'll remember the city forever because the train broke down there, all of us were told to leave and make our own way to our destinations, and i stood in the freezing cold 4h away from everyone I know in this country waiting for any other train for over an hour. Good times in Gütersloh, world city)

I was working as production assistant to actor Callum Fairweather and we were flying back to Scotland when the Stewardess asked if he wanted to do the arrival announcement. He basically did 5 minutes of improvised stand up....I cant remember all of it but I remember he started by saying "Ladies and gentlemen, we have just arrived in Glasgow....Sorry about that.".....He then mentioned something about Scotland forgetting to turn the heater on and Security and rubber gloves.😂

the most British thing since Mr Bean Whatever they're paying this man, it could never be enough

This was an announcement on the plane from the pilot after we landed and everyone was starting to get up, "Please remain seated until we get to the terminal as if we have to stop suddenly you will be arriving at the terminal sooner then expected."

I was on a subway once that refused to drive at speed so the driver stopped and announced "the train is have a bit of a problem, so I'm going to try turning it of and on again". At least ten people went "must be running windows then".

My favourite was “This train has developed a technical fault and will be taken out of service at the next station. For passengers travelling to Uxbridge they should wait on the platform for the following train, unless you happen to be married to my ex-wife in which case you should change to platform 2 and get the first train going in the opposite direction”

Actual announcement: "Unusually, we're arriving at our destination this evening, some twelve minutes early. We can only apologise for this, and hope it doesn't cause inconvenience to any of our passengers who were expecting to arrive several minutes late as is usual. Rest assured, the driver will be reprimanded for carrying out his duties in such a lax manner."

Few months ago I was on a bus where the driver kept singing out the names of each street we stopped at. Like straight up singing the words. "We're now arriving at BROADWAAAAAY~~YEAH~~" It was the best bus ride ever.

this is the most british thing i’ve ever seen and i love it

Traveling on the London Underground you sometimes get these hilarious drivers as well - I particularly remember one on the Jubilee Line from Baker Street towards the northwest where the (lengthy) announcement included: "Usually this train can drive you insane, but today we're only going so far as Wembley..." 🤣🤣🤣

This seems like a scene pulled straight out of Stanley Parable. Beautiful

Guys like this make the excruciating 2 hour delays slightly more bearable :')

I was on a train once and the announcement came on that the train would be finishin its journey in Barbados and 'Please have your passports ready.' Then I realised in the next set of seats was Vic Reeves and Bob Mortimer and friends who where coming back from a show and Vic had a loudhaler that sounded exactly like the train speakers!

Once, on St Pancras train North the announcer said that "passengers should change at Northampton for onward connections, if they like that sort of thing." The humour was a breath of fresh air.