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Bill Engvall - Stupid People (Here's Your Sign)

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chanceisnowhere

chanceisnowhere

Күн бұрын

Track Number 01, from Engvall's Here's Your Sign routine.
William Ray "Bill" Engvall, Jr. (born July 27, 1957) is an American comedian and actor best known for his work as a stand-up comic and as a member of the Blue Collar Comedy group. In 2007, TBS began airing his sitcom The Bill Engvall Show. He has released multiple comedy albums on Warner Bros. Records as well.
Engvall was born in Galveston, Texas. He attended Richardson High School in Richardson, Texas. He attended Southwestern University in Georgetown, Texas, where he was a member of Xi Chapter of the Kappa Alpha Order fraternity. A staff member confirmed that Bill Engvall worked there at Inner Space Caverns many years ago when he was attending college, quickly mentioned in Engvall's autobiography, "Just A Guy." He also briefly mentioned this in one of the Blue Collar Comedy Tours. He left college, though, to pursue a career in the world of comedy.
Engvall began his career on the sitcom Designing Women. He hit his first big break when he went on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson, and from there won the American Comedy Awards Comic of the Year. He then joined the cast of Delta Burke's self-titled series Delta, which lasted for one year. He then began producing his own albums. Before becoming a well-known comedian, Engvall joined the popular talent show Star Search.
Engvall toiled in relative obscurity for several years until he turned his most famous routine, "Here's Your Sign," into a song by country music star Travis Tritt. The routine involves Bill offering signs (Which read "I'm stupid") to people to identify them as foolish upon them asking a redundant or obvious question. This song was later redone as a Christmas version.
He has appeared on The Jeff Foxworthy Show alongside best friend and fellow comic Jeff Foxworthy, with whom he starred in the hit film Blue Collar Comedy Tour (as well as its sequels and spin-off TV show). In the films and TV shows, Engvall performed his standup alongside Foxworthy, Ron White, and Larry the Cable Guy. He has also guest starred on the TNT series Leverage.
Engvall will host the 2011 revival of GSN's game show series Lingo (which will premiere sometime in June).
Overall, Engvall has released eight comedy albums, seven on Warner Bros. Records and one on BNA Records. His debut, Here's Your Sign, is certified platinum by the RIAA, while 1998's Dorkfish is certified gold.
Bill and Gail Engvall (born August 1960) have been married since December 18, 1982. They have a daughter named Emily (born 1986), a recent graduate from the University of Puget Sound, as well as a son, Travis (born 1991), a sophomore at Northern Arizona University, who both appear regularly in his humor.

Пікірлер: 877
@ClayMorrow91
@ClayMorrow91 2 жыл бұрын
One of my favourite ‘Here’s Your Sign’s is the one where he got booked on a corporate job in Missouri, but it was a morning show, so they had to fly in the night before on this little puddle jumper airplane on this remote airstrip at night, he was not thrilled. When they landed on the runway, they hit a deer with their plane. You cannot make this up. And it killed the deer, it wrecked the engine, they had to evacuate the plane, but it was so small, it didn’t have slides so the flight attendant said: ‘Just step out.’ So they put him in this van and they’re bussing him back to the terminal and Bill’s laughing at this point ‘cause this is the dumbest thing he’d ever seen in his life. So they get back to the terminal, Bill called his wife and goes: ‘Baby, you’re not gonna believe this..’ He goes: ‘We just hit a deer with our airplane.’ There was a pause on the other end of the line… followed by: ‘Oh my God, were you on the ground?’ Bill goes: ‘Nope, Santa was makin’ one last run.’ Here’s your sign.
@1besieged
@1besieged 2 жыл бұрын
LOL ha ha ha ! Very good :)
@brandondavidson4085
@brandondavidson4085 5 жыл бұрын
This guy's sarcastic delivery is everything. "Dangit, I was sleep-stylin' again!"
@jackgibsxxx0750
@jackgibsxxx0750 Жыл бұрын
I'm listening and reading at the same time. Bill no sooner said it when I started reading your comment. 😂😂😂😂
@carpenoctem775
@carpenoctem775 Жыл бұрын
I love how he can be savage in a wholesome way. The blue collar comics are geniuses.
@jacquelynking2184
@jacquelynking2184 8 жыл бұрын
Every time a dumb bell rings a stupid person gets their sign! LOL
@sandonnicholas7421
@sandonnicholas7421 7 жыл бұрын
Jacquelyn Kin p / q@
@larrycravens1453
@larrycravens1453 7 жыл бұрын
Sandon Nicholas
@donaldlambert2335
@donaldlambert2335 5 жыл бұрын
oh my god it's the schools fault. How many times a day dose that bell ring?????
@christineb5232
@christineb5232 4 жыл бұрын
Must be a lot of them getting one now
@Its_CD
@Its_CD Жыл бұрын
My favorite one was the time Bill took his wife deer hunting. As they were heading to the sight, they were passing these deer crossing signs. His wife says, “Why do they put up these signs? Deer can’t read.” God Bless Bill because he said, “No but they do recognize pictures of themselves.” Here’s your sign
@dwestarkansas1
@dwestarkansas1 Жыл бұрын
Hilarious! I hadn't heard these before. I'm a huge fan. So was my husband. My granddaughter, 14, just saw me holding a plate filled with a hamburger & chips. She asked? "What are you doing? Eating?" I'm not witty so the best I could say was, "no. I'm holding this plate of food, waiting for someone to come by & take it." 😅
@MrPainkiller616
@MrPainkiller616 4 жыл бұрын
Had one of these situations happen to me today. Went into Walmart to pick my dad up some crutches because he broke his ankle a couple weeks ago. Anyway I walk up to the register then set the crutches down and the dude says "These crutches for you?" And I said "Yeah, I plan on breaking my leg next week."
@gladfan1989
@gladfan1989 3 жыл бұрын
Heeeeeeeeeeeeeere's your sign
@vh6307
@vh6307 3 жыл бұрын
😹🙋😸
@nowvoyagerNE
@nowvoyagerNE 2 жыл бұрын
maybe this guy had foot surgery pending.
@swordracer
@swordracer 2 жыл бұрын
😂😂
@cherylmckowen3596
@cherylmckowen3596 2 жыл бұрын
,w cc CC and qw
@trevorsgrl15
@trevorsgrl15 11 жыл бұрын
I don't care how many times I hear this... It always has me rolling on the floor. Bill Engvall and "here's your sign" is just straight up hilarious! I love his jokes! :)
@epdlp4506
@epdlp4506 4 жыл бұрын
he is the best
@Peachtreedishes
@Peachtreedishes 2 жыл бұрын
I agree 😂😂😂👍
@brookemcalhany5216
@brookemcalhany5216 Жыл бұрын
😊😊
@bartram33
@bartram33 5 жыл бұрын
I remember telling a friend some years back that I was attending the funeral of a mutual friend of ours, he said. 'Is he dead?' I couldn't help myself, I said ' no he's just rehearsing for when he eventually does die!'
@AnarchicArachnid
@AnarchicArachnid 2 ай бұрын
I'd have cracked up
@erictaylor5462
@erictaylor5462 4 жыл бұрын
4:00 When I was a welder we had to put our initials on our gloves. I had to put "Do not." before my initials, because I was afraid someone might look at these black, greasy gloves that smelled of burnt leather and old sweat and think my initials were instructions. My full name is Eric Andrew Taylor.
@joshuabrooks4907
@joshuabrooks4907 4 жыл бұрын
Your parents must've had a great sense of humor.
@erictaylor5462
@erictaylor5462 4 жыл бұрын
@@joshuabrooks4907 they do/did. Mom passed, but Dad is still here.
@epdlp4506
@epdlp4506 4 жыл бұрын
@@erictaylor5462 I am so sorry for your loss.😣
@erictaylor5462
@erictaylor5462 4 жыл бұрын
@@epdlp4506 Well, she was 72, and quite ill, so it wasn't unexpected. She had a longer life than her own parents, 67 and 51 years.
@epdlp4506
@epdlp4506 4 жыл бұрын
@@erictaylor5462 Well at least she is in a better place. RIP
@remieres
@remieres 4 жыл бұрын
I like the one about the overpass. " One day I was drivin on the highway, and it was a traffic jam. I noticed a truck was stopped under the overpass. A cop was askin him a question "Truck stuck!" The trucker couldn't help it. "NOPE, I was delivering this overpass and ran out of gas" HERE's YOUR SIGN.
@noahpartic7586
@noahpartic7586 Жыл бұрын
Be advised: While Badges are not w/o feelings let alone a sense of humor, they are crazy particular about jokes unless they're the 1's doing it.
@lesliegums5119
@lesliegums5119 Жыл бұрын
Lol my favorite too. Hope to use it one day. Oh looky there that poor guy was delivering an overpass and ran out of gas. 🤣
@knmattioda
@knmattioda Жыл бұрын
"Hold my sign, I don't wanna lose it" totally cracked up. 😂😂
@PhoenixFlare1
@PhoenixFlare1 5 жыл бұрын
One of Bill’s skits worked for me once. I was finishing up some work before I punched out to leave. A coworker, who thought I had already left, said, “You’re still here?” I said “No, I left already. I’m having an out of body experience.” Heeere’s your sign.
@Miracle490d
@Miracle490d 2 жыл бұрын
LOL That is really a common one. He could’ve also said, “what are you doing here?“ Then you answer, “the hokey pokey. I put my right card in, took my right card out. Just wait while I shake it all about. Then you can give me your card, so I can put the left card in.”
@samuelmoulds1016
@samuelmoulds1016 Жыл бұрын
yeah, Bill tells how he started selling the signs at his concerts. after the 1st night of selling signs, he emptied his pockets of one and five dollar bills on the kitchen table. his wife (who he confesses is the smartest person he knows) thought he got those from the strip club on amateur night. each sign says, "I am stupid". he sells them, $2 a piece or two for $5. when I told a redneck girl, she told me, "I'll take two!" .......I almost said, "Here's your sign."
@vh6307
@vh6307 3 жыл бұрын
"I got a stereo & chicklets" DONE!!!!😂😹😂😅
@crlguitar1
@crlguitar1 3 жыл бұрын
This is by far one of Bill's funniest bits...and he has a LOT of funny bits!
@saragrant9749
@saragrant9749 Жыл бұрын
That and dork fish
@melissafields3376
@melissafields3376 Жыл бұрын
I just love the "here's your sign" !! Too bad that it's necessary! Lmao! I saw his original of this!! Man I'm old!!😂😂
@DancinDeborah
@DancinDeborah 4 жыл бұрын
LOVE Bill Engvall!!! I've heard these lines so many times and I STILL crack up at every single one! 🤣 Here's your sign! LOL!😜
@lancecollins8599
@lancecollins8599 Жыл бұрын
i love the end one theres only 1 way to test that
@davidnissim589
@davidnissim589 3 жыл бұрын
I had one of these moments happen not too long ago. I ended up fainting due to heatstroke while out with some friends. One of them came back with some water, and he said, "Did you faint?" And I said, "Nope, I was doing a trust fall with the ground!"
@sarahdoanpeace3623
@sarahdoanpeace3623 2 жыл бұрын
Rotlf 😂😂😂😂
@MarshallRedmon01
@MarshallRedmon01 Жыл бұрын
Here's your sign
@saragrant9749
@saragrant9749 Жыл бұрын
🤣🤣
@DJK-cq2uy
@DJK-cq2uy Жыл бұрын
Oh yeah
@buffya8012
@buffya8012 Жыл бұрын
I have a similar one,I tripped and fell at the park last week,guy walks up and say “you trip?” Nope just decided to kiss the pavement…here’s your sign🙄😂
@NickiSixx1
@NickiSixx1 5 жыл бұрын
I absolutley LOVE Bill Engvall!
@dirkevans3443
@dirkevans3443 3 жыл бұрын
I use this expression all the time Seriously It’s just too perfect, really is You don’t have to cuss, get ugly or fired up You just shake ya head and think to yourself, yep.... Here’s your sign!
@margaretliebsch5494
@margaretliebsch5494 Жыл бұрын
I work as a cashier in retail. When we don't have customers, we stand in front of our registers. You have no idea how many people come up to me and ask "Are you open?" Two responses come to mind; "No, I'm standing here for my health!" and "Here's your sign!"
@lesliegums5119
@lesliegums5119 Жыл бұрын
Well if you turned your light on you wouldn't get asked that question. There's YOUR sign. Every place I shop the cashier has an open light and they'll stand there with the light off. Duh??
@margaretliebsch5494
@margaretliebsch5494 Жыл бұрын
@@lesliegums5119 my dear, my light is always on when I'm at my register actually.
@keithratliff8222
@keithratliff8222 27 күн бұрын
😂😂😂😂
@roblakesley5458
@roblakesley5458 4 жыл бұрын
You cant fix stupid, not even with duct tape and super glue.. Bill,you are a highly observant man..thank you!
@joshuabrooks4907
@joshuabrooks4907 4 жыл бұрын
Here's your sign is one of the funniest comedy bits to come down the line in the last thirty years.
@TooStinkinFine
@TooStinkinFine 5 жыл бұрын
This is still hilarious after all these years!!! My sides hurt.....
@skyblueeyes9968
@skyblueeyes9968 5 жыл бұрын
Bill is such a good example of good clean humor. A true comic.
@epdlp4506
@epdlp4506 4 жыл бұрын
I love Bill Engvall
@islandrose8733
@islandrose8733 4 жыл бұрын
Good yes, clean....sometimes
@yesthats2779
@yesthats2779 4 жыл бұрын
Yeah I fucking love this guy he the fucking best God damn this guy deserves a show
@BlackCat-dm7se
@BlackCat-dm7se 3 жыл бұрын
Bill Cosby was a good clean comedian when he wasn't raping people
@chrispleasantable
@chrispleasantable 3 жыл бұрын
Same could be said about Steve Harvey
@michaelmullin3585
@michaelmullin3585 2 жыл бұрын
He is soooo funny. And so right!
@tambrosia
@tambrosia 3 жыл бұрын
You know I have I think all of Bills lines over the years but every now and then I have to go back for some good old belly laughs Bill and the rest of the gang, THANK YOU, you do not know how many people you may have saved from going out and beating the snot out of someone or drinking antifreeze....LAUGHTER still the best dang medicine around.
@PhoenixFlare1
@PhoenixFlare1 5 жыл бұрын
My mom had me spray weed killer on some weeds in the backyard. I did it, but forgot to tell her I did it. A week later, she said “How are the weeds?” I said “They’re fine. A bit of a cough, but they’ll be ok.”
@Vicus_of_Utrecht
@Vicus_of_Utrecht 3 жыл бұрын
I actually believe this lol
@davidsloat1016
@davidsloat1016 2 жыл бұрын
Hmm, I could also imagine hearing that one from George Wallace.
@lorivachonkarvonen3977
@lorivachonkarvonen3977 2 жыл бұрын
I love Bill. Good, clean comedy and relatable. I had a 'sign' moment once, picking up my kids from school several years ago. Sitting in the school parking lot and here comes this older kid walking right past my truck carrying a pair of snowshoes on his back (Upper Peninsula of Michigan). I heard it, as I said it, but could not stop myself. I smiled at him and said "Hey, you going snowshoeing?" He nodded politely. I handed myself the sign and laughed at myself, HAHA! The kid probably was too young to get it, but he looked at me like I was dense. Would have been great if he had replied something witty and handed me the sign. ;)
@duckduckgoismuchbetter
@duckduckgoismuchbetter Жыл бұрын
"Heeere's my sign."😉 Funny story. I've done things like that as well. Everybody does.
@samuelmoulds1016
@samuelmoulds1016 Жыл бұрын
yeah, I live in dah U P (you gotta be 'Finish')
@georgestone1485
@georgestone1485 4 жыл бұрын
I walked into a Walmart during a rain storm. A guy asked me if it was raining outside and I said Nope, GOD IS GIVING A FREE CAR WASH THIS MORNING.
@joshuabrooks4907
@joshuabrooks4907 4 жыл бұрын
LMAO!
@gladfan1989
@gladfan1989 3 жыл бұрын
Here's your sign.
@PaulZaleski
@PaulZaleski 2 жыл бұрын
Lmao
@mindoongie
@mindoongie 2 жыл бұрын
love this man. when i was a little kid, my aunt would watch his shows and id just sit there dying of laughter with her lol.
@IsabelJRP923
@IsabelJRP923 3 жыл бұрын
I was born and raised in New York city. I have always loved things about the south and country Western music. I love this comedian. In New York people are too stressed out and you hear people talking about fighting all the time. All the directness and bluntness is overrated. You got to have some sense of humor. You have to disarm the stress with some humor.
@samuelmoulds1016
@samuelmoulds1016 Жыл бұрын
yeah, you know, it is funny, in the South if you want to insult someone, you ask, "Are you from New York City!!?!" now that I live with the yankees, if I hear a foreign accent (you know, South African, French, or German, or something), I ask, "You talk funny, are you from New York City!!?!"
@vendeda01
@vendeda01 10 жыл бұрын
This had me crying so hard, I couldn't breath, abs hert like crazy as well. Favorite comedian ever.
@williamamos6575
@williamamos6575 10 жыл бұрын
Here's YOUR sign...Abs "HERT" like...
@Megacooler96_
@Megacooler96_ 10 жыл бұрын
William Amos. Hahahahaha
@arizonaranger527
@arizonaranger527 Жыл бұрын
Being a cashier exposed me to humanity and how hopeless this entire species is , we are outnumbered by morons 😂
@jessiejames2155
@jessiejames2155 3 жыл бұрын
I'm so cracking up at this !! 🤣😁👍
@mojcaramsak2890
@mojcaramsak2890 2 жыл бұрын
still funny😎💫👍🏻
@melissahowtonpoole.1120
@melissahowtonpoole.1120 7 жыл бұрын
Bill is my favorite of the Blue Comedy Idiots! He always cracks me up! I'm from Kentucky, and we speak similarly! LOL!
@ddmck1972
@ddmck1972 Жыл бұрын
2:10 with Preparation H, I still laugh at "I still got these hemorrhoids!"
@justincarawan-carawanco.pu1639
@justincarawan-carawanco.pu1639 Жыл бұрын
Something similar to the exhaust pipe - I once had a roommate, and after I had finished cooking a pizza, I started looking around for an oven mitt. The apartment didn't have any for some reason. Plenty of hot pads but no mitts. He opened the stove and grabbed the pizza pan with his bare hand! Didn't take him long to let go! I finally took it out with the hot pads.
@johnnydeapp7077
@johnnydeapp7077 9 жыл бұрын
I live in Australia. On the milk carton is printed in bold letters: CONTAINS DAIRY. Well, I'll be the son of a mother****in' idiot! Who'da thought?
@trevormatthews7981
@trevormatthews7981 9 жыл бұрын
We'll in Ireland they were selling beefburgurs made with horse meat. Mind you they forgot to mention that on the label.
@SuperPammyb
@SuperPammyb 9 жыл бұрын
lol...
@DogwoodPride
@DogwoodPride 9 жыл бұрын
So glad to see your comment. I JUST posted this to a friend in Australia (I'm in the U.S.) and wondered if he'd get the humour. Sadly, stupidity is worldwide. Luckily, so is laughter.
@davisfontanes
@davisfontanes 9 жыл бұрын
***** HAHAHAHAHAHH I just choked on my coffee!!! LMAO
@adamkimmV
@adamkimmV 9 жыл бұрын
I can remember hearing about a peanut company. That didn't have "contains nuts", on them. and, someone successfully sued them for a few thousand Dollars.
@geeked-outturtlesfan4288
@geeked-outturtlesfan4288 8 жыл бұрын
I was sitting down a doing homework and listening to the radio too. brother walked up to me...said...listening to the radio? could resist. .. I said "Nope, I'm reading this book and I still cant figure out how the hell people got inside that talking doo hickey over there." heeeeeres your sign
@MrDdt666
@MrDdt666 5 жыл бұрын
Nice!!!
@allelitetyler9526
@allelitetyler9526 4 жыл бұрын
Haha good one!
@ziziwyatt3893
@ziziwyatt3893 2 жыл бұрын
Love Bill Engvall and his comedy
@6283060
@6283060 10 жыл бұрын
THAT just never gets Old!!! :-D MAJOR, MAJOR FUNNY!!!
@Jezidka
@Jezidka 11 жыл бұрын
As Ron White would say, "You can't fix stupid."
@donaldlambert2335
@donaldlambert2335 5 жыл бұрын
Awww but I am not sure Ron was in the service. Well we had a sailution toit but not a cure. (Body Bag)
@33SkidRowe
@33SkidRowe 3 жыл бұрын
He got that from Forrest Gump
@Nikowgreek
@Nikowgreek 3 жыл бұрын
No but duct tape muffles the sound
@brocksampson3405
@brocksampson3405 3 жыл бұрын
@@33SkidRowe Actually, when someone said to Forrest Gump "Are you stupid or something?" he would say "Stupid is as stupid does" but Ron White was the one who said "You can't fix stupid" not much of a difference but figured I could point that out.
@themaestro3034
@themaestro3034 3 жыл бұрын
Which is ironic since Ron White is clearly stupid.
@Jeff98177
@Jeff98177 5 жыл бұрын
I work in a grocery store, and someone wanted to know if the crabs in the seafood case were dead. I wanted to say "No, I just put them in there and told them to stay."
@andrewbaker4674
@andrewbaker4674 5 жыл бұрын
I worked at Walgreens that was open 24 hours a day and people asked when do you close. Also people walk in ask you open.
@carmenpeters728
@carmenpeters728 5 жыл бұрын
People retired from retail are the sweetest most polite people you'll ever meet. They would never call anyone ' stupid. '
@fredfreddy1502
@fredfreddy1502 2 жыл бұрын
The two brothers in Florida who tried to use the lawnmower as a hedge trimmer is a great one too
@mladyriad
@mladyriad 2 жыл бұрын
We were lucky enough to see a live show in Medford Oregon at the expo in like 2007? It was hysterical and this brought it all back~laughing so hard my face hurt ~lol 👄Ty ♥️BE
@bloodguzzler
@bloodguzzler 2 жыл бұрын
I had to go to the hospital once. When I got to my room, I took a picture of it. The picture had the bed, the machines, everything and I uploaded the picture to Instagram. Someone in comments asked “did you go to the hospital?” “Nope!” “I was one of the few people selected to test out IKEA’s new line of beds!” Here’s your sign.
@duckduckgoismuchbetter
@duckduckgoismuchbetter Жыл бұрын
"No, I was just minding my own business, and it came clear over to me. Heeeeeeres your sign." 😂
@noahpartic7586
@noahpartic7586 Жыл бұрын
I died 🤣 but it's worth it.
@thomasschwarting5108
@thomasschwarting5108 Жыл бұрын
Maybe this is a stupid question, but WHY would you take a picture of your hospital room and then upload it? Or am I missing something?
@duckduckgoismuchbetter
@duckduckgoismuchbetter Жыл бұрын
@@noahpartic7586 "I died but it's worth it." I'm sorry to hear you died. I'm glad you got better. 😢😂
@duckduckgoismuchbetter
@duckduckgoismuchbetter Жыл бұрын
@@thomasschwarting5108 I'm sure it started out to be just pictures of the fancy food. The pudding and week old Jell-O is to die for. Literally. And also the boiled to death green beans. And the separate plastic cups it all comes in...it's BEAUTIFUL! Gotta post those hospital food pictures. 😂
@thedude10171984
@thedude10171984 2 жыл бұрын
I'm going to see him in a couple of months. I'm dying listening to this.
@winonamassingill7895
@winonamassingill7895 2 жыл бұрын
This is sooo funny. I just can’t help but laugh at some of his comments. Especially the one about the guy who ate a whole tube of preparation h.
@jessiejames2155
@jessiejames2155 3 жыл бұрын
Darned ! ..I was..sleep styling my hair again...!
@sarahdoanpeace3623
@sarahdoanpeace3623 2 жыл бұрын
26 years later and as funny as ever! The moving one happened to me in real life! Had this on cassette tape back when it came out! Wonderful memories! Still absolutely hilarious! We’ve all had our Sign Moments….so funny!
@tonyacosta4574
@tonyacosta4574 Жыл бұрын
U r pretty
@ZeranZeran
@ZeranZeran 3 жыл бұрын
One of the first comedy specials I ever heard when I was a kid, got me into standup, Thanks Bill!
@mossymoose8920
@mossymoose8920 2 жыл бұрын
I don’t think people realize just how difficult clean comedy is to pull off. Don’t get me wrong, I love guys like Bill Burr and Tom Segura, but I feel like clean comedy gives the jokes room to breath.
@logann7942
@logann7942 2 жыл бұрын
I used to listen to this as a kid and go “That’s unfair, nobody’s THAT stupid.” Now I work with a woman who is so dumb, I was thinking she should wear a shirt that says “Don’t ask me anything.” Then I realized Bill already came up with a solution.
@jessegentry9699
@jessegentry9699 11 ай бұрын
Remember, " The difference between Genius and Stupidity is, Genius has it's limits."
@ellenmcintyre1247
@ellenmcintyre1247 4 жыл бұрын
This is hilarious! I share it alot w/friends & acquaintances- I still laugh. 😂😂😂
@baelothon7420
@baelothon7420 6 жыл бұрын
Should have said here's your sign when teens were eating tide pods xD
@brocksampson3405
@brocksampson3405 3 жыл бұрын
That would be something but even if we stopped teenagers from doing stupid things. One question comes to mind. Would they listen? The answer would be no. You got to admit. A majority of teenagers do all sorts of stupid things in their lives and it often leads them into life threatening events. If we gave them their signs, than we'd have more adults or more people stopping teenagers from doing stupid things. All they got to do is look at their sign.
@geniferteal4178
@geniferteal4178 Жыл бұрын
Strangely enough my neighbor across the street put one of those storage containers in their driveway. They had previously mentioned the potential to move in 2 years so I asked if they were moving. As it turns out they're reorganizing the basement and they needed somewhere to put everything while they did the work. It's not always so obvious.
@josephtaub20
@josephtaub20 Жыл бұрын
I was recently at my dentist's getting acavity filled and a crown replaced. He rubs something on my gums and said "Here, this'll make yur gums puff up and feel better!" Knowing it was sure to be some professional supply I couldn't buy, I asked "Preparation H?" At the pharmacy I picked up a box containing a rectal thermometer; on the back I read: "Each product personnally tested." You thought YOU had a bad job?
@cinema6r845
@cinema6r845 7 жыл бұрын
bill is the best 😂😂
@nataliefreer4956
@nataliefreer4956 11 жыл бұрын
What about on any given box of Christmas lights - "These lights are designed for use indoors or outdoors ONLY" Correct me if I'm wrong, but I wasn't aware that there was a third option.
@dickcheney6
@dickcheney6 5 жыл бұрын
I dunno, maybe dont hang part of the string inside and then run the rest outside? Not disagreeing with you here. Saw that myself, and that's the only meaning I could think of. Ambiguous to say the least. :)
@1blastman
@1blastman 4 жыл бұрын
Underwater? Attached to a battery on your body? Dont go swimming while lights are strung on body.
@MTheChequeGuy
@MTheChequeGuy 4 жыл бұрын
Do not use while showering.
@Carpenterdane
@Carpenterdane 4 жыл бұрын
Outer space?
@stevesmith1314
@stevesmith1314 3 жыл бұрын
Underground???
@johnpalladino3039
@johnpalladino3039 6 жыл бұрын
That is tooo fricken funny,laughed the whole way through.
@rickr.mortis4821
@rickr.mortis4821 Жыл бұрын
Kind of reminds me of watching movies with my sister. We'd have our eyes glued to the TV screen watching a movie and she'd say, 'Did you see that?'
@theicequeen4076
@theicequeen4076 2 жыл бұрын
I hate stupid ppl too. We gotta find humor in it or they will drive us crazy!! You had me laughing so hard!!
@ACoolDonke_TheAbsoluteReal
@ACoolDonke_TheAbsoluteReal 2 жыл бұрын
Then you're gonna really despise my mom!
@jimmcginnis8830
@jimmcginnis8830 2 жыл бұрын
Too funny
@lynnclark3495
@lynnclark3495 2 жыл бұрын
That’s funny right there I tell you what. 👍😂🙏🙏🙏🇺🇸
@mikecorleone6797
@mikecorleone6797 7 жыл бұрын
My mouth so small I can't even fit a jelly bean in there 😂
@lisalisko1218
@lisalisko1218 6 жыл бұрын
Mike CorLeoné but I can whistle real good!
@RJJENN
@RJJENN 5 жыл бұрын
Mom
@unexpectedvixen5685
@unexpectedvixen5685 5 жыл бұрын
The but I sure can whistle good got me😂
@Mrfixitmarty
@Mrfixitmarty 4 жыл бұрын
But I can whistle great!
@felsinferguson1125
@felsinferguson1125 Жыл бұрын
Y'know what sucks? These days, this (awesome) "comedy routine" has become a (depressingly real) documentary...
@joshuabrooks4907
@joshuabrooks4907 5 жыл бұрын
I used to drive for a living, and I swear to God that I nearly hit at least one idiot on a daily basis. I'm like "I'm driving a bright yellow car, and if you can't see me, then you don't need to be driving!"
@duckduckgoismuchbetter
@duckduckgoismuchbetter Жыл бұрын
New York City cab?
@dragonmaster613
@dragonmaster613 3 жыл бұрын
Waiting in line outside a restroom, some asks "is this the line for the restroom?" No, this is the line for the music concert... Here's yer Sign.
@duckduckgoismuchbetter
@duckduckgoismuchbetter Жыл бұрын
Reminds me of that old poem. "Beans, beans, the musical fruit" 😂 Beans, beans, the musical fruit, The more you eat, The more you poop. The more you poop, The better you feel. So let's eat beans, With every meal.
@saragrant9749
@saragrant9749 Жыл бұрын
I worked at a Dunkin Donuts for a while as a youth. One morning I had a guy ask me what kind of frosting was on the chocolate frosted donut. Without being able to stop myself I answered “brown frosting.” My boss had that look of “why did I hire her?” And I immediately went “I’m sorry, my mouth spoke before my brain could stop it.” The customer fortunately found it hilarious.
@kennethmartin2222
@kennethmartin2222 3 жыл бұрын
He is plain hilarious
@RavenclawFtW3295
@RavenclawFtW3295 Жыл бұрын
I was working at the zoo one evening and was covering for one of my coworkers while they were on break. I was watching over the touch tank to make sure nobody came up to it since it was closed. A woman came up to the exhibit and read the sign that said "exhibit closed." I know she read it, because she was focused on it. She then came over and said, "is this closed?" Here's your sign.
@muriel8922
@muriel8922 Жыл бұрын
9
@andreaplaza5808
@andreaplaza5808 4 жыл бұрын
Bill he's such a great comic he is so. Funny
@danbytp
@danbytp 4 жыл бұрын
He is my favorite!
@youtubesucks5131
@youtubesucks5131 7 жыл бұрын
Love his accent so much
@Du3Lality
@Du3Lality 2 жыл бұрын
🤣🤣🤣🤣😭😭😭 Bill is hilarious!!
@molove7581
@molove7581 4 жыл бұрын
😂😂😂 Thanx so MUCH Bill❣️ I've been REALLY sick & quarantined 11 days 💔 There haven't been many laughs & it's pretty damn lonely 😔 HOWEVER, u just made me literally LMAO & feel like I was right there with ya 💓😂💓 Much luv 2 u & urs 💪😘💞✨💞 #BillHealsTheBlues #FierceBadassWarriorPrincess #StupidPeopleAreDumb #InfiniteStupidSignsNeeded
@chuckg2016
@chuckg2016 5 жыл бұрын
One of entertainment's truely great comedians.
@Kwolfx
@Kwolfx 3 жыл бұрын
Many years ago when I worked at a drug store and was restocking the shelves, a female customer told me that not only was the spermicidal foam I was putting on the shelf a "lousy unreliable contraceptive," she also said that it "tasted terrible." She got her sign.
@lesliegums5119
@lesliegums5119 Жыл бұрын
😝😝😜🤢
@smolcrowbro8645
@smolcrowbro8645 9 ай бұрын
Well, I guess it's handy if she does a lot of oral stuff 😉
@SpeedyDePalma
@SpeedyDePalma 2 жыл бұрын
I got one, I saw a pressure washer at a Home Depot it was one of the bigger models with tires on it to move it aroud easier and on the sides of the tires it says "not intended for highway use".
@mikecarver8770
@mikecarver8770 Жыл бұрын
I wear my sign all of the time!!!
@elbichomio8399
@elbichomio8399 10 жыл бұрын
This cat is hilarious, no sexist, racist or offensive jokes, not even profanity and he still cracks me up.
@molinodesign
@molinodesign 4 жыл бұрын
"you guys moving", " nope we just see how fast we can pack every week".
@tanekasmith2024
@tanekasmith2024 2 жыл бұрын
I’m dying 🤣🤣🤣.
@lancesurgeon7614
@lancesurgeon7614 6 жыл бұрын
Pulled into a Jiffy Lube and the teenage boy asks, “Need your oil changed?” My answer, “No just need the air in my tires rotated.” I swear I could see the gears in his head skip about three teeth. LOL!!!
@tonyapauls151
@tonyapauls151 6 жыл бұрын
Lance Surgeon l
@greasylimpet5357
@greasylimpet5357 6 жыл бұрын
Tell him to do it with a left hand screwdriver 🤪
@jimmyjones2896
@jimmyjones2896 5 жыл бұрын
Just turn the topside leftwise
@dsvet
@dsvet 5 жыл бұрын
Fun fact, Jiffy Lube also does vehicle inspections, along with AC service, battery service, brake service, cooling system service, drive train AAAAND engine service. Here's your sign!
@pppjayh
@pppjayh 5 жыл бұрын
Supertramp
@ethelhoose2972
@ethelhoose2972 5 жыл бұрын
I love Bill engval
@rodneyperry4277
@rodneyperry4277 7 жыл бұрын
This is gold!!!
@GreatLee05
@GreatLee05 7 жыл бұрын
Too funny & so true! I once walked into a hair salon & the woman who greeted me said, "Haircut?" I wanted to say, "No, just thought I'd sit down & watch you cut everyone else's hair." Here's your sign. Another time my family & I went to a wildlife reservation. Upon arrival, there's a sign that reads, "No fishing, no swimming, & no selfies with bears." Lol. You can't make this stuff up. 😂
@badandy102
@badandy102 6 жыл бұрын
So I can take a selfie with all the other animals?
@GreatLee05
@GreatLee05 3 жыл бұрын
@@badandy102 I guess so. Lol
@samuelmoulds1016
@samuelmoulds1016 Жыл бұрын
yeah, you know that sign cost the wildlife reserve money......MAYBE MILLIONS!
@FrancineJohnsonMcGee
@FrancineJohnsonMcGee 9 жыл бұрын
After 30 years in retail, yes there are people that stupid.
@ThunderFist1978
@ThunderFist1978 7 жыл бұрын
They sure are. We should swap stories sometime.
@cynthia8801
@cynthia8801 7 жыл бұрын
Retail financial services....I don't remember this many stupid people when I worked in wealth management.
@secretlyamartian96
@secretlyamartian96 6 жыл бұрын
Working at a casino for a year and a half And yes indeed there are
@shadowking1380
@shadowking1380 6 жыл бұрын
3+ years at a rural Walmart and the amount of stupid people I encounter is enough to make a person wanna turn into oncoming traffic
@George040270
@George040270 6 жыл бұрын
Ever go to a Home Depot and hear a customer say that they do not know how to use a self check machine?
@dragondancer1814
@dragondancer1814 Жыл бұрын
We had one on a fire call once! It was a chimney fire on the Main Street during rush hour, and people driving through hadn’t bothered to learn the side streets so they’d be either asking directions or griping about the detour. Well, one person came up to us while my husband and I were both rolling up hoses and putting away the tools we’d used, just stared at the scene, and asked, “You guys have a fire?” Before I could stop him my husband, who’s a total smartass, replied “Nope, we thought we’d have a practice drill during rush hour just to liven things up!” Here’s your sign!
@epdlp4506
@epdlp4506 4 жыл бұрын
My son works at goodwill in Los Angeles and he told me that they have the store with a HUGE sign that says STORE ENTRANCE and several feet away they have the donation center which also has a huge sign that says DONATION CENTER. He is surprised the number of time everyday that people ask him while at the store "is this the store?" He answers "I believe so because it says on the sign STORE ENTRANCE.
@MayaKetchum
@MayaKetchum 11 жыл бұрын
i heard this in my speech class a few days ago and it's still funny!
@timothyedmiston8756
@timothyedmiston8756 5 жыл бұрын
If you don’t laugh at this guy then you are dead he talks about every day funny shit and he put his own spin on it and it is so freaking hilarious I have actually seen him live in concert and I just about pissed all over myself
@duckduckgoismuchbetter
@duckduckgoismuchbetter Жыл бұрын
I've often thought that if people would quit pissing all over themselves at comedy shows, the costs for the cleanup staff later would be lower, and the tickets would be cheaper. Heeeeeeres your sign. 😂
@FrancineJohnsonMcGee
@FrancineJohnsonMcGee 9 жыл бұрын
There's a reason that pharmacies very specifically put the words "unwrap and insert rectally" on suppository prescriptions, along with a warning label saying "not for oral use" I have had met at least one person who did not read the label. Scary.
@donaldlambert2335
@donaldlambert2335 5 жыл бұрын
see it did no good to waste the space to print a warning they didn't read it. Stupid people!!!!!!
@stack150
@stack150 5 жыл бұрын
Dear preparation H...😂😂😂
@Vincent-ke5zn
@Vincent-ke5zn Жыл бұрын
You're one of my favorite comedians
@quichrlyn
@quichrlyn 4 жыл бұрын
You don’t know how long I have been looking for this
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