yes you are not. 🙂

@@DrTraceyMarks hi tracy i have clinical depression am i all alone!

EXACTS

I feel this way since my meds started working lol

@@DrTraceyMarks I have depression not bipolar. But I do forget how miserable I am when I'm depressed if I think about it when I'm okay. I didn't think I was faking it though. I just know I was depressed but can't remember the intensity and I feel like the people I help, have it worse than me. But when I get depressed again I feel like I'm a hypocrite for helping people when actually, I'm the one who needs more help because I'm the who has an illness and they "only" have problems (this is my thought when depressed so it can sound invalidating but y'know what I mean here). So my question is, is this the same as the topic? And can people with depression be like this too? Like they feel so well they forget their experience with depression? Idk if that makes sense cause I'm really miserable right now so I feel like I'm just blabbering.

@@spectator8285 SAME.....

OH. mY goSh. Me too

I completely understand

😮😮😮😮 this made me so emotional, I thought maybe I had made it all up in my head even though I had been going through a mad depressive episode for months. Now I’m ok again I’ve just been thinking maybe I just made everything up and i’m just a shitty person 😑 but I’ve realised this happens over and over again

I FELT that lol

Same

YES YES EXACTLY. I'm always like "huh, now I'm fine. I probably just exaggerated this shit"

Right. Like, what if I'm the one taking things too far or being toxic or reading too much into things?

Yeah, then you read your notes and you see some pretty wild shit haha

same here

@@ddeegz12 I know you didn’t ask me, but...this brought up some thoughts about the matter for me, too, One thing that makes it easy for me to tell my hypomania is real is when I can’t stop talking or other manic behaviors. For example, I’ll be talking to a family member or my significant other and they will tell me they need to stop talking and get some sleep, yet I cannot stop myself from entering their room 11 more times to say “one more thing.” Laughing but serious

This is me. I know there’s something wrong when I’m hypomanic because I’ll feel physically uncomfortable. But most times, I just think I’m “moody” and complaining.

Oh my god I've never heard someone talk about the not feeling depressed when you're depressed

OMG same, same, same

Dang, I could’ve literally written this myself word for word. Wow!!

I don't know how anyone can believe that if they've really seen someone in an episode or experienced it themselves. It just comes from lack of understanding.

Who gets to say what is or is not a real illness? I suppose that back in the day that might have wasted time trying to exorcise demons from some who might simply have been bipolar and might have overlooked one who really had the devil, but did not have mania and depression. I do have faith in JESUS and find it very comforting knowing that He will always love me no matter my ups or downs. I have also had brushes with self righteous and narrow minded christians who had insinuated that if I had more faith that I'd be healed or if I was more (like them) righteous that I would not have these issues with BP. Some people would say that I shouldn't need my meds if I had more faith. Thank GOD I never took any of that crap advice. I would not tell them the same stuff (nor would they believe it) if they had a broken leg, heart disease, or cancer. I hope that you might find true believers who understand that we are all equal in GOD'S eyes and all people are broken in some way shape or form if they were really honest. GOD help you as you journey through life and seek to find a healthy mental place.

Yes! 🖤🖤🖤

Lol this is why my mother doesn’t believe I have bipolar disorder just “need to work on my mood more” 😂

"happiness is a choice" not for me...

Good idea Tiffany. Thanks for sharing your experience. It can be a big struggle to stay on medicine especially when you feel well. 🙂

Tiffany Stevens Idk what type I am exactly,cause of some specific reasons,but I relate when you say you feel flat when on medz.I am a music producer,I need my creativity in order to make music.But when i was on medz I didn't feel creative even a little.I stopped taking medz cause they were destroying me instead of helping me.Idk why it was like that.I was like a zombie.I moved and talked slowly.Almost like my brain was slow.I couldnt engage in any activity and I stayed in bed all day.I felt like I was high.The 'weed' high😹.I feel like you might relate.Idk. Stay strong though,I love you❤️

Tiffany Stevens ditto ❤️

Hi I'm currently barely open to taking medication for my bipolar disorder. I too suffer for more hypomania than hyper. Just curious to know what type of medications you take. I'm on a mood stabilizer and ssri. Just asking cause i wanna get off of them but i need other bipolar sufferers opinions rather than my normal friends and family

@@MwBHarrison hello. Were you on a mood stabilizer?

I'm glad you get a chance to see you're not the only one.

@@DrTraceyMarks Yes, it’s very helpful!

You're welcome Fallon!

Exactly!!!!!!

Do you ever feel like it during your episodes too?

Yes. I feel like the world's most pathetic mom. The guilt is terrible even though logically, I know I'm doing my best.

@@WhisperingIntoTheVoid me too as a Mom....just looking around trying to figure out how everyone else seems to have it all together

I unfortunately truly relate to this. They don’t understand that it’s beyond our control and I’m shamed and blamed like I chose to be this way. You’d think family would be more supportive but I guess not.

Remember that they don't know what it's like for you and when people don't understand, they can say inconsiderate things. I mean if this disorder is confusing for the person themself, like why am I suddenly not okay, you probably can imagine that people from the outside who have no idea of everything going on inside the mind of someone with the disorder, is very confused as to why there's such a sudden change in your behavior. It still sucks. But remember that you know yourself best and someone else telling you who you are, you should never listen to that. If you know better, which you do, don't let peoples words get into your head and doubt what you know for yourself. It can be hard having this disorder and the people around you not understanding you. But try explaining how you feel to them, so they will understand better. You can tell them that you feel this way, that it's hard on you and annoying that people think you fake symptoms. You could tell them how that makes you feel alone and misunderstood and you could ask them to listen to you and be considerate of you, even when they don't understand you or question your credibility. If they love you, you can ask of them to believe you despite their doubts. Someone who cares about you gives you the benefit of the doubt. I am saying this because I get that it's lonely and the wrong reactions of people around you can be harmful and make you feel alone and misunderstood, but if you don't want to be misunderstood, communicate with the people around you. If you have good people around you, explaining that something is important to you is enough. They don't have to understand exactly what's going on with you, if they understand you need them to believe something, because you say so, because it's important to you and you say that it's true and you know, because it's your truth.

@@agentwolf5305 Remember that they don't know what it's like for you and when people don't understand, they can say inconsiderate things. I mean if this disorder is confusing for the person themself, like why am I suddenly not okay, you probably can imagine that people from the outside who have no idea of everything going on inside the mind of someone with the disorder, is very confused as to why there's such a sudden change in your behavior. It still sucks. But remember that you know yourself best and someone else telling you who you are, you should never listen to that. If you know better, which you do, don't let peoples words get into your head and doubt what you know for yourself. It can be hard having this disorder and the people around you not understanding you. But try explaining how you feel to them, so they will understand better. You can tell them that you feel this way, that it's hard on you and annoying that people think you fake symptoms. You could tell them how that makes you feel alone and misunderstood and you could ask them to listen to you and be considerate of you, even when they don't understand you or question your credibility. If they love you, you can ask of them to believe you despite their doubts. Someone who cares about you gives you the benefit of the doubt. I am saying this because I get that it's lonely and the wrong reactions of people around you can be harmful and make you feel alone and misunderstood, but if you don't want to be misunderstood, communicate with the people around you. If you have good people around you, explaining that something is important to you is enough. They don't have to understand exactly what's going on with you, if they understand you need them to believe something, because you say so, because it's important to you and you say that it's true and you know, because it's your truth.

Oh thanks so much Roxy. Thanks for continuing to watch. 🙂

You get an hour a month? You must have good private insurance. I only get 15 minutes every few months.

@@DrTraceyMarks I also wonder what I need a Dr. For? I get so much information about this issue from you than anyone else. You are truly effective at what you are doing!!! I will keep your efforts and your ministry in my 🙏's. You are performing a ministry 🤗 You help to change this 🤯 To this ☺️ Thank you!!!!🤗 I like, watch, replay & share you EVERYDAY

Same here. It is so hurtful. The amount of times I told myself I prolly was faking it for attention is... Overwhelming. I lt hurts me so much. It comes and go and it is always a pain.

Same here!

You're welcome I'm glad it was helpful.

You're welcome Erin B I'm glad this came just at the right time.

I don’t have rapid cycling, I have really long normal periods, especially in the spring and summer and in fall and summer I start cycling from hypomania and depression, when I am completely normal and in the middle, I start feeling like I fake it, that I am doing it for attention almost since I go so long without it. I completely forget how much bipolar ruined my life before I got treatment.

either a) I faked it, for 8 years, which is pretty stupid ^^ b) I was sick c) they made me sick and kept me there....... what do you think?

i say its awnser c and they spent 10years laughing at me hisddenn of course...... and having fun... going to oktoberfest with their friends and her boyfriend...... but destroying me if i go once.....

@@elibjo01 how long your normal periods lasts?

Thanks fancy animal. Sometimes it has its own mind with how it falls down and shapes itself

You're welcome Claire. Thanks for the great question and thanks for sharing the video

You're welcome Alex. I'm so glad this helped you feel understood. And to know you're not alone.🙂

Awesome Heta-Stiina. I'm so glad this is helpful for you. I trained in a psychoanalytic environment and its pretty common for the analyst to focus on unconscious motives and anxieties as the reason for your symptoms. And yes with this approach you can feel as though your recovery is all up to your efforts. But you can feel so much better with medication no matter how much insight you have on your unconscious world. Thanks for watching from Finland. 🙂

Thank you for this comment and this video.

I feel like this too 🥺

Have you considered getting a different type of therapist? Insight doesn’t heal bipolar disorder. It’s good to have though

I have bipolar and believe it can be healed, I went to healing prayers at my church and lowered my medication, and have not had any mania or psychosis symptoms since! The next step is to stop. Let's see what happens, but I have faith Jesus will heal me.

You're so welcome LTrado!

You're so welcome Megan!

You're welcome Maria. that’s really a late diagnosis but it happens. Here’s my bipolar playlist where I grew all of my bipolar disorder videos. KZfaq allows you to save other peoples playlists. As I make new videos I will continue to add them to the playlist. kzfaq.info/sun/PLazcP3-djRZ0IoYFWgkl0_tFtBVqA3bu-

Hi, I just want to hop on here and let you know you're not alone in your experiences. I experienced what I now know as Complex Trauma due to repetitive exposure to traumatic events as a child. I was generally a functional severely anxious child in my teen years but everything came crashing down when I turned 15. Up until this point, I was an academic star pupil and super mature due to parentification. But I experienced my first depressive episode and hit rock bottom. I stayed in this space through to the next year and attempted suicide, then a brief period of "rest", even energy spark after my folks were called to the school. But the following year I packed everything up and returned home to demand a school switch cause I was super depressed. No one quite understood and I remember hearing about relatives gossiping about me from both sides of the family. Suggesting I manipulated my parents with suicide when in actual fact I exhibited unipolar depression symptoms for two years straight. I felt so ashamed about speaking up and even though I sought therapy in university, I'd always stop when I "felt better" to minimize self-shame, to make it look like I am completely healed now. On the flip side, I read a lot and tried to be an activist on mental health disorders because it was so hushed upon in my time. I remember the very first time a caregiver actually told me "You're not depressed" then my first counselor thought she'd treated me in three days?! My second therapist at 20 finally supported me with the right tools and my current therapist and I have lasted 4 years now. I know I'm so lucky to have more good experiences than bad ones with therapists. I'd also say as a result of being shamed and misunderstood, I distanced myself from mental health stuff although what I now believe to have been bipolar was triggered early on in my childhood. Even though other family members are now either getting diagnosed with mental disorders or becoming accepting of them, I find it so hard to actually trust. I'm currently building trust with myself again after disassociating with mental health disorders for so long. Also trying to understand how they probably didn't know any better while setting strong boundaries. Yesterday, a cousin who underwent similar experiences after me reminded me that I was super intuitive about what I needed and was ahead of my time. And I believe the same can be said for you. I truly hope things have got better for you over time. That you can be proud of how much you know and understand yourself enough to ask for what you need. That your feelings and concerns matter. You may be living with Bipolar but your brain definitely isn't broken. I am rooting for you.

@@nimu04 thank you! :)

You're welcome Paynes! I am so glad you came across this just at the right time. And I'm glad you're still going to see your doctor next week. All the best.🙂

@@DrTraceyMarks Thank you so much, and all the best to you too!

You're welcome our travelingzoo. Keep learning... 🙂

You’re so welcome I’m so glad the videos are helpful.

But yeah, totally get everything you talked about. I look back on my past behavior and am horrified by how inappropriate and extreme it was!

I'm so glad this was helpful Caitlin. Thanks for sharing your experience.🙂

I have both as well I wonder if they are related

👍🏼

this has also been my pattern for so long too. Its difficult to rationalise. I know full well, yes, last time I was in a stable patch or (perhaps some hypomania coming through) i stopped my meds....and then I got ill ( the meds were helpful after all, who knew) Yet each time I'm like 'nah I don't need this, I'm good'. I think this illness takes a lot of objective discipline, its just so difficult to have a balanced sense of self, when you have to second-guess what you are feeling emotionally, physiologically etc..and i think that exprience of deep deep depression is so traumatic your mind can.will do whatever it can to deny it. I find it helpful to focus on accepting/acknowledging the sheer scope of my emotional experience. That that pain ( and joy)is part of me always even if its not locked into focus in my present. Sorry, I have waffled!

@@rachelmhaines I always say u have to take it 'minute by minute's not day by day. Dealing with mental illness is exhausting but it forces you to become very self-aware. Sometimes things can seem so distorted and u have to really have muddle thru it objectively. Lots of hugs to u and everyone else out there dealing with similar issues.

Hi Suzanne.That's what the videos are here for. I'm so glad they're helpful. I think it's funny that KZfaq is following your thoughts around and putting my videos in front of you. 😄 I love to visit the UK one day. Thanks for watching from across the pond.

You’re welcome. Thanks for watching.

You're welcome Emilia. I'll have to take a look at your video. thanks for commenting.

@@DrTraceyMarks oh wow, I would greatly appreciate that! The title is "am I faking mental illness" and it was uploaded a year ago. I would post a link but I think it would get filtered to spam, boo.

That's great that your doctor is supportive. 🙂

You’re welcome Randy😊 I’m glad the video helped you see that this kind of thinking is a real thing

Thank you very much Mark. I appreciate hearing that. I love what I do and I'm glad people can see that. 🙂

You’re welcome garlic breath!

That's a great topic gabb. I'll put it on my list. I'm sorry it's getting in the way so much that it's interfering with your schooling.

Dr. Tracey Marks thank you so much, I appreciate that.

You're welcome Scott! Thanks for sharing your experience.

You're welcome Kerrin!

That irrational judgement that when I’m at my worst, it’s because I’m just pretending to be sick, that I’m just hurting people to get attention…. It’s somehow less disturbing than the idea that I really have not a lot of power to change my behavior if the meds and healthier routines don’t work for prevention. It’s hard to accept that while I really hate feeling bad about hurting others, I can’t say that I have the ability to keep it from happening again. And it sucks being so ill that I end up taking up a lot of the emotional oxygen in relationships. My younger siblings don’t really talk to me, and I think a lot of that’s because they just can’t afford the energy it takes to be around me. I don’t blame them, but it’s awful lonely sometimes. One foot in front of the other, though. It’s not always this hard.