Completed August 14, 2021
Premiered November 17, 2023 by the Sioux City Symphony Orchestra and conductor Ryan Haskins
Selected by the Pacific Chamber Orchestra for their first annual orchestra readings
Events in 2020-21 made me reconsider what ‘Asian Americanness’ and ‘Christianity’ meant to me, particularly in the aftermath of the Atlanta shootings in March 2021. The ambiguities I contemplated were both personal and historical in scope: growing up, I had encountered some of the same self-loathing Christian purity culture that had inadvertently produced the Atlanta shooter. Yet I could not deny the palpable hope that my family found in the church. Historically, Christianity has long been wrapped up in the ugliness of colonialism and assimilation - there is a level of cultural erasure in the fact that 42% of Asian Americans identify as Christian, compared to significantly lower numbers in Asia itself. Yet at the same time, some of the Asian American churches that formed in the 19th century were important places of refuge for early immigrant communities. Many of these churches have gone on to serve their communities for generations and continue to be places of home for people today.
Themes of home and community lie at the heart of Songs of Refuge. The piece examines its subject matter from a distance at first, opening with haunting ambiguity as a solo violin floats high above the orchestra’s shimmering textures. There are moments of fleeting warmth, exemplified by soft, chorale-like winds and brass; at the same time, the strings retreat in and out of pitchless white noise, as though afraid to speak clearly. Toward the middle, the solo violin leads the orchestra in a hymn-like progression, as a speaker before a congregation. As the music returns to a place of drifting equivocation, the hymn reemerges from within wild, shimmering textures and breaths of air. The piece draws to a close with the opening gesture, this time with a slight touch of hope.
Much of Songs of Refuge draws on hymns of personal significance to myself and my parents, most prominently including motifs based on When I Survey the Wondrous Cross and Before the Throne of God Above. The piece is dedicated to my family - not just my immediate, but also in the communities I call home.