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For me this explains narcissism the best way: “When I say that I am in love with you, I mean that I love the way I feel when I am with you. I love myself because of you. I like to see myself through your eyes. I love having a new person in my life to tell my stories to, to express my opinion and to share my profound theories and beliefs about the important things in life. I like to hear myself say these things while I imagine how they sound to you and how you are under the spell of me. " “When I say that I am in love with you, I mean that I love to wear something beautiful, such as a new outfit. I love how you feel on my body. I love how I feel about myself when you are with me." “When I say that I am in love with you, I mean I love not being alone. I love a full-time, own audience. ” “When I say that I am in love with you, I mean that I like to be your mystery, what keeps you awake at night, your obsession. I love to be your altar, your sacrament, your icon, your miracle. I love to be your answer. I love to be the subject of your sacrifice. I love being your pain. " “When I say that I am in love with you, I mean that I like to be your sun, monopolize your orbit, be your gravity, pull you back to me, no matter how hard you try to jump or fly, keep you low. To keep making you mine. ” “When I say that I am in love with you, I mean that I like to breathe in your oxygen, suck your blood, eat your dreams. I love being your drugs, your dagger, your suicide note. “When I say I'm in love with you, I mean that I love the story I'm going to tell my next lover, about my ex-lover, about how beautiful things were, how intense, how film-like, how great we were together, and how you gradually, inexplicably, painfully, piece by piece disappeared. ”

I dated a guy who seemed to be compris narcissist and borderline. His borderline side would be more authentic, the real broken self, kind and fragile. When he felt rejected he would act narcissistic/psychopathic and you could see the switch in his eyes. He would then be passive aggressive, calculated and extremely cold.

"It's not always your birthday." I love that. Right on time. Thank you for this post.

i.can listen to dr ramani all the time of my life. she is awesome 👏🏻

“Nobody sees anybody truly but all through the flaws of their own egos. That is the way we all see ...each other in life. Vanity, fear, desire, competition-- all such distortions within our own egos-- condition our vision of those in relation to us. Add to those distortions to our own egos the corresponding distortions in the egos of others, and you see how cloudy the glass must become through which we look at each other. That's how it is in all living relationships except when there is that rare case of two people who love intensely enough to burn through all those layers of opacity and see each other's naked hearts.” ― Tennessee Williams

The Disorders listed in the B-Cluster always came off to me as "overlapping symptoms with a peak in this or that defining the main disorder". Narcissistic patterns seem to be part of all of them.

My bpd is in remission. I’m so happy. 🥺

Histrionic Personality Disorder should not be dropped in my opinion. Its destructive nature is quite different from the other Cluster B personality disorders

Dr. Ramani brought me here.

Dr Ramani is a genius.😍😍😍

I LOVE THIS WOMAN.

I have been diagnosed with BPD and narcissistic personality disorder. I really dislike it because it feels like such a judgment. People think a narcissist is someone like our president. But in my case I turn my narcissism on myself. I never want to or do hurt others. I only hurt myself.

the name matters less than the pattern. Bingo! my ex is non-empathetic, projects, deflects, reframes events, is gullible, is very hypersexual, craves attention, is super shallow and stayed in constant competition with me....patterns of both..

I think they should just start calling these patterns of behavior "Cluster B Personality Disorder with X traits" because it feels like there is *so* much crossover between BPD, NPD, and HPD. So someone can be Cluster B Personality Disorder with Narcissistic traits, or Cluster B Personality Disorder with some Narcissistic and some Borderline traits, or Cluster B Personality Disorder with Histrionic traits. Kind of a mouthful, but I think it would capture the fact that it's a cluster of symptoms on a spectrum with different flavors better.

Thank you, HPD is hard to recognize on its own. But the way Dr. Ramani explained it helped me understand it better. Hollywood is probably full of people with HPD. Your videos are very helpful.

I had a traumatic childhood with a mother who never showed affection and love who was also very controlling and abusive. She had insane moods where every moment with her turned into a an explosive outburst. Just a simple request like put on your seatbelt was turned into a screaming " PUT ON YOIR SEATBELT". Every moment felt like walking on eggshells around her. I wasn't sure if she was Narcissistic but she Def had those traits. It wasn't until a friend said " maybe she uses these shifting moods and outburst of a way of seeking attention" did I start looking into Histrionic. It was such an exhausting childhood with her that took so many years to recover from. These people will suck the life out of you and the saf part Is they lack the self awareness to realize they are a problem.

Finally! MedCircle is talking about HPD. I was so excited to see this because I feel like HPD isn’t talked about that much

Love your characterization of HPD as "baby-women". My partner's ex-wife fits this to a T. She was a well-known singer back in the seventies in the California music scene but her career floundered in the eighties, and now she's like the character Norma Desmond in "Sunset Boulevard"..."I'm ready for my close-up Mr. DeMille..." She's caused my partner and his family untold amounts of grief - financial, emotional, mental - but they didn't understand why she behaved the way she did. I had to explain it to them because my sister and mother suffered from multiple personality disorders and I knew exactly what was wrong with her. Thanks for your videos, you make things so clear.

Borderlines want love. Histrionics want attention. Narcissists want admiration. I’m thinking that this is how it manifests: in BPD, emotional instability. Feeling easily threatened or jealous in relationships. Possessive behavior, emotional outbursts due to inability to regulate emotions. Anger is triggered by feelings of unequivocal reciprocation or abandonment. Tend to be impulsive, low self-esteem. in HPD, relationships are a source of attention and that’s it. They have a shallow, fleeting quality to them. Histrionics welcome all forms of attention, good or bad (this is where it differentiates itself from narcissism). Think of an internet troll. More likely to be histrionic. They might feel inadequate and angry at not being noticed. Their impressionability might make them social chameleons, adopting the persona of whomever they contact. I think this is the disorder that frequently gets misdiagnosed as NPD because there’s a LOT more overlap to NPD than BPD imo. in NPD, being admired, respected and revered is everything. They engage in excessive impression management and tend to lack the impulsivity seen in BPD and HPD. Whereas those with HPD feel entitled to others’ favors, time and attention the entitlement needs of people with NPD correspond more often to instrumental needs such as money, titles, status, accolades. Also, because narcs want to be admired, theyre more likely to refrain from behaving in a way that reflects badly on them. They are the quintessential “everybody likes that person and puts them on a pedestal” type. One thing I’ve noticed about NPD (compared to BPD or HPD) is that narcissistic have an almost nonexistent relationship to other people, emotionally speaking. They don’t attach, bond, and have no conceptualization of love. Whereas the person with BPD picks a fight because they doubt someone’s loyalty, or the person with HPD picks a fight because they feel aggrieved at being ignored, someone with NPD might pick a fight over being denied some material good or in retaliation to an injured pride. Narcs don’t even care when abandoned by people because a friend is no closer than a stranger. They tend to be more avoidant dismissive in attachment style and hop from relationship to relationship so they won’t be unmasked, leaving a string of admirers in their wake. At least this rings true for narcs WITHOUT comorbid cluster B diagnoses. This might be why NPD tends to be more frequently diagnosed in men whereas BPD + HPD present more often in women. Women are naturally more affiliative and “involved” in their social relationships, whether that manifests positively or negatively. Men have much more of an interest in things over people and may undermine the need for social connections entirely. I remember reading this study about how men need respect more than anything and behave in a way that garners it (control over emotions, status, wealth) whereas women need love, to feel special and irreplaceable in a relationship. People with NPD can of course be abusive, but I feel like the abuse is often couched in loving or endearing terms so they can maintain their image of perfection in the eyes of others. I think this is why they love to gaslight over more obvious types of abuse like verbal put downs because it’s a way to dig at someone while having enough plausible deniability to look well-meaning. And behaviorally, so called “pure” narcissists prefer the silent treatment and intermittent reinforcement to harm others rather than overtly aggressive gestures. THIS is what makes a manipulator. Manipulation is subtle, it’s not something, an instance, you can refer to or pinpoint with definite clarity. Successful manipulators harm people without their victims even knowing that they’re being harmed by that person. It is, by nature, covert. Manipulation is stabbing you in the heart while influencing you to believe that they’re a good person and no, you must be seeing things. It feels like confusion. Narcs want to harm you if you break their fragile false self but they don’t want you to know that they’re harming you to keep you in a state of perpetual confusion and dependency.

Wow, I‘m a histrionic and I loved how perfectly Dr. Ramani explained the disorder! Perfect

HPD'S are emotionally high maintenance. They have to be the center of attention always. If u take that away they can even attempt suicide like slashing wrists n trying to hang themselves ... in theatrical ways... always in public eye ofcourse to get the attention when ppl tey to stop them. Bottom line, both bpd n hpd cannot emotionally regulate themselves. Reason is the same....under attention , neglect by parents/ primary caregiver during childhood. Bottomline.....we all need validation of our existence dyring formative years else we will seek it in weird ways.

I been looking up narcissism ever since my sister did some research on our "father" who is an EXTREME narcissist. All he cares about is himself and showing off the expensive places hes been.

I love you dr Ramani, thank you for selflessly and freely sharing your knowledge

This is my mom down to every detail of this ! My dad had to raise me . She’s also extremely explosive and manipulative.

Eventually we are one consciousness expressing itself in all forms 🕊

Dr. Ramani you are a true, respectful scientist. So glad I can watch your videos🙏

Excellent points Dr. Ramani!!! My favorite is that labels can become more problematic than helpful

I think the DSM-6 should describe BPD as a spectrum like disorder, where the dominant features are referenced- i.e. BPD with Histrionic features, or Narcissistic features. Think it'd be super helpful since there are diverse presentations for Borderlines based on the diagnosing criteria of a minimum of 5 out of 9 primary core symptoms. Just my two cents!

You both are wonderful you explain this so easy,simple language your presentation is so strong and straight to understand it’s an effortless understanding you throw so natural....every time I understand and feel it’s my story..

I’m so grateful for this KZfaq channel.

Btw Bbd people are often anxious to get help.. and they definitely grow into functioning people and it's so beautiful. When I thought I had just bbd I met alot of bbd patients and they were working hard to get better.

BEEN waiting on this! Thanks! ✨💛

The “Pattern vs. Labels” thing. Thanks for that! I get so frustrated and confused and annoyed when they switch up the DSM. I still use outdated terms like “Aspie”, “MPD”, etc. as shorthand too.

Always love your vids... I started studying when DSM was it was the III-R. Since the 90’s it’s gotten to the point so many people tend define themselves through their diagnosis... “I’m ... “ is gone. instead of, I’m __________(insert your name here) It’s been replaced by, “I’ve got... PTSD, or bipolar etc.” ... I’m so glad y’all are doing this series... be safe, JJ

I think it would be a mistake to remove Histrionic Personality Disorder from the DSM. The most insidious thing about the Histrionic is that they are difficult to identify because of their empathy. It can seem so genuine. All the while, they are using it to suck the life out of their victims. It’s a slower drip than a Borderline or Narcissist and takes longer to figure out. It took me a lot longer to identify the Histrionic in my life than it did to identify the narcissist because the Histrionic can seem to really care about you. But as they consume your time, they manipulate and change the natural course of your thought life. You can start to seek their validation and believe you’re having an equal exchange... but with a Cluster B, it’s never an exchange. It’s a one sided dinner party and the only person being fed is the Cluster B. With the Histrionic, you can go for years thinking that you have a really deep friendship with someone, when really what was happening the whole time is that you were feeding their failing ego.

”Don’t tell me to be quiet”

This may be the best video that explains how I feel in detail.

How informative, thank you for this.

i always listen to these two .

I was diagnosed with BPD but I have empathy... Sometimes too much and sometimes I shut off. And I don't seek that much attention, I think. I actually don't want attention on me cause I mostly feel like a piece of crap. But I do get days where I feel better about myself

I just came here from Dr. Ramani channel. I love watching her everywhere 🙆🙏✨

Wow so enlightening 👍

My best clinical phycologist in this whole world! ❤️❤️🙌🏽

Yes,Dr. Ramani is brilliant.

Sounds just like a cousin of mine who fancies himself a "wizard". He loves giving people Tarot readings and "channeling" their deceased loved ones. Ten years ago he married a close friend of mine, then abused her emotionally & psychologically. That marriage lasted only a few months. I have not spoken to him since, while remaining close to his now ex-wife. Life is too short for this crap.

Omg when she did the don't you tell me to be quiet I had a flashback of my mum!

The name matters less than the pattern. 100%!!!! It’s infuriating trying to work out if it’s bipolar. NPD, BPD, CPTSD. I’m honestly sick of it. It’s infuriating going back and forth. Focusing on the symptoms is what I’m going to aim at now.

Her voice is calming

Bad parenting/ over parenting is a cause of narcissism.

Are these types of people typically "pushy" people, that insist on having things their own way, done their own way and if it's not, they get very upset... angry... ?!?!

the name matters less than the patterns… i needed to hear that. been trying way to hard to find a box to label my father in to understand why he is the way he is

The baby woman part made me soooo sad. This is exactly how I feel about my 33 year old flatmate i suspect has bpd.

I am surprised that autism spectrum disorders wasn't brought up. A lot of people tend to think that someone with autism has one of these personality disorders when they do not. Studies have shown that if someone with autism has a personality disorder, it is more likely to be OCPD or schizoid. But autism CAN look like narcissism or borderline personality disorder to the untrained eye. I've been accused of having both which has really hurt my feelings in the past. I often remind people to look at my intentions versus the actions so that they'll see that it wasn't done to intentionally hurt them. I say or do things that some people can see as rude or offensive because autism is a social or behavioral disorder first. With this diagnosis, I do not react normally in social situations. I do tend to talk about the same things, but that's because of perseverance and issues with task switching. I can be highly reactive in places that have a lot of sensory input. So that over reaction can look like a mood swing or like borderline, when really I am just suffering from sensory overload and my brain is freaking out. People really need to be careful not to armchair diagnosis anyone because it can be possible that the person that you're accusing of having this disorder may have something else. If the person that you're diagnosing also has symptoms of an eating disorder, has some autoimmune issues or whatever, you may want to consider autism instead.

spouse was diagnosed with BPD and then weeks later, co-occurring NPD… I would love to see a video specifically dealing with what a person with these two things would act like. Especially during a breakup.

Dr. Ramani has helped give me answers that I wish I could have found 20+ years ago. I have always been searching. I just didn’t realize it was at the cost of everyone and everything around me. The very specific examples allow me to be aware of my own behaviors. I have been pointing fingers at so many others. Now I’m seeing the behaviors in myself. I know that cluster B overlap and I have been so stuck on having a specific diagnosis. What I really want is a solution. I’ve always wanted an easy solution. Now I know I have to dig in and do the hard work.

Doc is so beautiful, inside and out!

Yay for you Ramani ji🤩😃

👍👍❤️thank you for sharing your wisdom!

I had a friend that was amazing. He was super Christian and just someone I would have love to immulate. After a year of incredible friendship (or so I thought) he wanted me to leave out church and join his new one. And when I wouldn't he cut me off. Then when he came back about a week later he wanted me to leave again and had a full fledged panic and hissyfit calling down God on me and calling me a wolf and sheep's clothing and and said once he left he was casting the dust off his feet. So he went home and went off so bad they had to baker act him and they diagnosed him with bipolar. He always wanted attention which is what I gave him and so he found some other people and now is done with me. Broke my heart.

When she described the person who came into her office with all of the patterns- she described my husband! We're 18.5 years in, and I'm getting really tired. But, at the same time- I don't hate him... And I can't imagine hurting him, because I'm like "his person". Does that make sense? So even though the only time I feel relief is when I imagine a life alone, with my kids and friends with him- I also see how broken he is, and I can't bring myself to hurt him. I don't know what to do anymore...

“The name matters less than the patterns...”

In 8th grade, at my mostly white middle school, there was a young man (black and Latino) who was the class clown always. I never really knew him because we only had one class together in the 6th grade. But I do know He was bullied relentlessly and would always turn it around into jokes even when it hurt. He craved the attention and acceptance of his peers. He ended his life in 8th grade and the kids who bullied him showed up at his funeral and “cried” over him and even talked to and hugged his mother. The boy who was the worst to him (and most others) was so vocal about how he missed his dear friend blah blah blah. It was in that moment I realized how absolutely fucked some people are. To hug the mother of the boy you bullied to death, to cry in her arms and give an “impassioned” speech on suicide was the most awful and attention seeking thing I’ve ever seen. When I learned about Histrionic personality disorder and narcissistic personality disorder , all I could think of was him.

Best point of view ever. We shouldn't put people in boxes. That creates more blame and trauma since people who suffer are over sensitive to feeling a failure or a bad person

I had been diagnosed bi polar for years and I went to a therapist that said she thought I was BPD. I think I am . I used to color my hair and wear different wigs and pic exotic names. But I never had the erratic driving and just always felt rejected .

These comments don't sit right with me. The hatred and ill wishes on people with personality disorders is disgusting. They are people with conditions that didn't ask for and they deserve help from professionals and a chance at happiness.

Nobody ever talks about HPD!!! I want to learn more!!

Dr. Ramani is such a breath of fresh air. I don't agree that they don't have empathy. And maybe you said this already, but They have emptathy for self. I think that's undeniable. So they have empathy.

this is absolutely my mom. she was 'so mad' at my father for 'abandoning her' like it was a choice. he died. she's always about herself and yet she's been pulled in by multiple MLMs and bullshit schemes because she likes being made to feel Special and Singled out.

"the name matters less than the patterns"

This sounds much like hypomania, too. I wonder what the correlation of Histrionic Personality Disorder is to Bipolar NOS with minimal concurrent depression.

My therapist said I had NPD, I just said I was a jerk and I love it!

Wow never heard of this diagnosis and now realize yet another thing my bf has

Seeking attention like celebs is not always HPD, its simply the desire of ego to keep the supply of recognition going on, . If you r not in touch with who you are, more desparate is the dependance on society to keep that image alive for you. Not all celebs are HPDs. ..but then limelight is a crzy thing ...To differentiate, go to the CHILDHOOD. How one was reared n in what environment... is the key. HPD , mostly in women becomes a natural, easy way to get attention through a sexual demonstration of some sort. Mother figures, esp narcs, sometimes trigger such behaviours for daughters.....do what u can to survive attitude. Overattention ( therefore continuing to seek attention from opp sex) in childhood and neglect, ( wanting validation thru appreciation ) both can cause it. Parenting is not a joke. Seriously, the pressure to be a role model n to keep your children safe, its huge. Full time, underpaid job.

I really hope you make a series about avoidant personality disorder with Dr Ramani sometime, i'd love that!

Dr Ramani looking stunning here

Would love to see a discussion on how to handle Histrionic Personality types. The one in our lives is endlessly causing chaos and we are fed up. How do you manage these people? They’re exhausting.

This world is so twisted. We need to treat someone who is baby-like and trusts almost everyone esp the ones who give them attention BECAUSE BAD PEOPLE ARE OUT THERE. This world always seem to accept bad people like it's a normal thing (eventhough it shouldn't be) and have to control the victims instead. Wtf!

You take any person- you can surely find a mental disorder. Define a healthy mind 😅

Instagram 'models' comes to mind

I think I finally understand what someone in my family quite possibly has. It describes her so precisely. Wow this was very helpful. Thank you.

I think my ex had a mix of BPD, HPD and NPD all at the same time.

I liked the old opening jingle better

"it's not always your birthday" YO IS MY EX LISTENING

I had a realization near the end of the video.... This explains WHY actors, comedians, anyone who is in the "limelight", etc....commits suicide... they are SO use to getting attention...when they are alone, or not on stage, they have to live in the "REAL WORLD"...and it bores them, frightens them...makes them sad... they despair that their "heyday" is over with, or whatever... sometimes they feel guilty even for being so successful....but it was all so "shallow"... (Michael Nesmith of the Monkees said it the best... "WE'RE PLASTIC" meaning Phony...)and they became something they NEVER intended to become... and now their life is "hollow and empty"...and they can't take it... these people evidently could not DIFFERENTIATE between WORK and home life... they got caught up in the "industry"...the "glitz and glamor", many cowboy stars got caught up in the identity they were playing, and never out grew that image...but then they realize it is all an illusion... and they are dissatisfied... you can see....this is EMOTIONAL.... the technique can STOP THOSE EMOTIONS.... people can feel better... I do every time I use the technique... I hope you will give it a look-see....maybe even get the book, or DVD...and give it try...you have nothing to lose.... Blessing for Betterment....

Narcisdism is also a mean tactic through fear and entitlement in complex zBpd i think. Over victimization and vengefulness .

Can you to a series on OCPD that’s a personality disorder I feel is not really talked about

You just described my sister to a tee. Like...I'm shook.

I have bpd and been dating a narcissist for amost 2 years but it has been gradually coming to an end. I am really confused though because I always thought that he was the narcissist, but now I’m contemplating my own self. I love with all my heart and soul and he knows how to use that against me and play with my mind and emotions. After watching this, it scares me a bit though, because like I said, I am now doubting my own self.

I fell in love deeply with a woman who matches this description to a T. It have been too compelled to get to the bottom of what my heart and mind has been going through. I miss her, love her, and wish I could help.

I didn't know I need help.till last month when my life fell apart it took me loosing my family to understand I had something wrong with me

‘The names matter less than the patterns’ 👈THIS

I am convinced my ex is narcissistic because he works in that pattern of love bombing, gradually putting you down. One day your Great. The next you get silent treatment. Always needing me for stuff. Borrowing money. Abusive words. Anger. Focused on clothes and hair. Traingulating and lies around women etc. Faking loyalty and standards of being faithful. But the only part that makes me wonder if it's bpd is he seems genuinely stuck in the past with his ex. He almost seems obsessed and can't let her go. They still text and she's a regular topic of conversation.

love you guys

Most histrionic personalities are actors. And very good actors 🎥 Their prívate lífe is another matter.

I know many manchilds and womanchilds. Sad. Annoying too though.

You are literally describing my mother

Yes! I want to know what's wrong with me so I can fix it 🙈

Exactly. My ex is BPD with comorbid Covert NPD. Histrionic is really not applicable.

Many of these behaviors I have personally witnessed in my wife who I am certain is a malignant narcissist. However she exhibits borderline and sometimes histrionic traits as well. I agree absolutely, it isn't the name, it's the patterns that matter. Once aware of the patterns in a person, they become extremely predictable in their nature and it cannot be unseen from that point forward. The lies. The drama. The self created conflict which gets projected into others. Attention seeking. Victimization. Hostility. Narcissistic injury. The list goes on. These things are extremely difficult for someone to comprehend who has not personally experienced these disordered behaviors in person with someone directly in you life on a consistent basis. They lie just under the surface. Can easily be missed by others who do not endure the disordered person on a daily moment by moment consistent basis. It is often difficult to accept that someone could genuinely be that way. To be sadistic. To intentionally harm others. To premeditate drama long long in advance and execute plans to draw supply. To lie and manipulate others over long periods to obtain what they desire, no matter what harm it causes others. My soon to be ex caused massive drama amongst societies and cultural groups she was a member of, making herself a victim or even a non participant when she herself was the instigator. All because of jealously or falsely perceived conflict. She would literally create scenarios in her own mind that did not exist, with people she did not interact with, and project hatred upon them. She did this to my friends and family, as well as myself. It is self destructive and at is core fundamentally insane.