The concept of "shaming" about fashion really resonates with me. I am an attorney age 70 in the US. Me and most of my friends came of age in the early era of feminism and the counterculture, and fashion and makeup were something that initially we almost HAD to forego to be taken seriously.But 42:33 I am also a serious ballet dancer and always continued it as a hobby, so there was a part of me that was still aware of the importance of "stage presentation". As I have matured, I realized how much I enjoy fashion. So now I put care into my clothes and cosmetics every day. But I still get from a lot of my peers, " Why are you so dressed up?". The difference is, those comments are just no longer relevant to me.

Signe - this podcast is a form of self care for me too. Thank you, to all of you.

There is a Brazilian poem which I love and it says “the same way I can choose the clothes I am wearing in the morning, I can Choose the feelings that will fit my whole day“. For me this is so perfect

This was such an interesting discussion. Oh, Alyssa, I remember reading that comment on your puzzle bag (I was so shocked by it, I admit I gave the comment a thumbs down! 🙄). My fashion/life journey changed recently as I had a double mastectomy, 5 weeks ago for breast cancer. I have been so shocked by members of the medical profession (which I'm also a part of) being 'uncomfortable' with my decision to remain flat, no reconstruction. I have received a lot of thoughts on the matter. I went from being a petite lady with big boobs to completely flat and I am so comfortable with my decision to remain this way. I'm loving my wardrobe pieces, I just feel so much more comfortable in my own skin. Mostly though, I'm just so grateful to still be here. I love the messages you all put out there, together and individually. Thank you so much 💓 💖 💗

Thank you for this. Personally all of the discussion points resonate with me. The virtues of personal style also apply to healthcare. Two examples: When I was recovering from post concussion syndrome it was one of the few activities that did not provoke/worsen symptoms. And as a bedside RN, I see how it is one of the few sources of true autonomy someone has in a hospital setting or in assistive care settings. As we lose autonomy/physical capacity to enact autonomy, the tools that allow us to keep that and our identity becomes imperative. The fact that as an RN I can assist someone keep that is the sort of ever day miracle I'm glad to be part of.

I loved this convo ! I gotta say the “fashion as self care” has been big for me lately. I downloaded the Indyx App Christina did a video about, and cataloging, creating outfits etc has really inspired me to put things together and “play” more and it just feels…so satisfying. Because when I’m spending time with my own clothes….I’m NOT shopping for anything new. It’s been really nice to essentially spend time with my clothes, learn to appreciate them more, and just be present about what I already own. 100% this is my new fave self care activity. And it costs $0. Zero cents.

This was one of my favorite episodes. Soo much resonated with me. The discussion around "values" has been central to naming my "3 style words" and to identifying the "me" that is the authentic one. Edit: A habit that I view as self care is actually caring for my clothes. Whether it's removing pilling from my favorite sweater or washing, folding, and organizing my wardrobe are ways I say "You're worth this. You're worth looking and feeling your best!"

I went 20 years without eyeshadow due to over rubbed allergy, droopy hooded eyelids. Yet I love make up and was a makeup artist at Macy’s in my youth. After watching KZfaq beauty channels I took a chance and if done right actually looks good. So I made a deal with myself. I years of daily full make (lightly done) and removal and skin care every night. I did it. I only missed a couple days due to being sick. I found my confidence again. I’m not as gung ho now after Covid but at least 4+ times a week. Light makeup on the other days. It makes me feel pretty and more complete. Now I’m focusing on my personal style and cultivating my forever wardrobe

I feel the situation of having a closet that isn't completely in alignment with values. I have my mother's beautiful fur coat but can't bring myself to wear it but can't let it go because when I look at it I have a picture in my head of her going out for a special occasion.

I loved Alyssa’s “house shoe” idea! That does give you a boost when hanging out at home! I feel like we are all like little turtles walking around with our shells. That shell can give us protection, power, and shine light on who we are!

I've been sitting with the 'designer goods & self-confidence comment’ part for days, and I think it's important to address how the languages used here surrounding Alyssa doing a lot of work in order to "earn the right to buy designer bag” suggests our value-judgement based perception of "WHO DESERVES LUXURY GOODS”- It almost makes the audience wonder if Alyssa thought she didn't deserve the right to have designer goods before; Alyssa’s commenter surely seem to think that nobody deserves that right. But I think what we're really talking about here is SELF-CARE (long term needs relief) VS. SELF-SOOTHE (short term needs relief). Since we can’t really walk around naked against the elements, we do have to dress ourselves as part of self-care, but dressing ourselves (and shopping for it) can also be self-soothing activity. Overspending on designer goods and compromising our financial security, or hoping designer goods will make us feel better about XYZ and finding out we feel worse, are all examples of us trying to self-soothe to the detriment of our self-care; but it doesn’t mean designer goods automatically hurts our self-care. In fact, any well-designed, well-crafted goods (designer or not) acquired responsibly (whatever that means to you) can be such great life-enhancing, pleasure-inducing tools in our lives; satisfying both self-care & self-soothe criteria for us. I think the framing of these types of discussion really needs to shift from "I earned the right to deserve these goods" to more about “which goods deserve to be in my life" to serve your self-care and self-soothe needs. (which I think leads into your discussion about individual values afterwards!)

When it comes to clothing I think self-care is choosing to wear things that are comfortable, clean, and in good shape (ironed, sewed, etc.) For example, I will wear a straw hat to protect myself from the sun even if no one else is wearing a straw hat. When it comes to personal style I think it would be more like self-awareness.

The comment made about the designer bag takes me back to that epic scene in The Devil Wears Prada where she gets schooled for thinking she’s morally superior for not caring about fashion when in reality most of what we all wear every day no matter where we got it was funneled down through the same industry, lol

Hiya ladies. I just wanted to take a moment to say how much I love your podcast (and your individual channels as well). I listen to it constantly and your different styles and personalities merge beautifully to create helpful and insightful content. Thanks for all the tips and for being advocates of sustainability. You guys are doing a great job...and you can buy all the second hand leopard booties or the designer bags that you want! ❤

The three of you always give me food for thought and the dynamic between you makes the conversations so well rounded. I am sick and at home for the last 5 days, but have gotten out of my pajamas each day, even if it is only into leggings and a cozy sweater, and that has helped me to feel a little bit better. We, each of us, dress for ourselves. Thank you so much! I always look forward to Tuesdays!

Personal style is definitely a form of self care and I have actually mentioned it in therapy. If other people don’t enjoy it, that’s fine, but it makes a huge difference to me, especially if I wear my favourite colours.

The part of the video where Alyssa shared the negative comment from a viewer made me sad that someone would tear down (or try to tear down) a person rather than say 'good for you' and mean it or abstain from commenting altogether if that can't be expressed honestly. Whatever happened to the phrase that I heard over and over as a kid - if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all!

Self care for me can also be dressing up my home with some bright coloured tulips🌷You ladies are an amazing team bringing all of your great talents together!

So good, the comment about dressing to disappear. And the conclusion: self-care is filling your space. And filling that space in the way that is you.

What a wonderful podcast! Thank you so much ladies 🥰🥰🥰. I’m 54 and am only just establishing who I am and what my style is - in the main thanks to you all. I’ve always loved style and clothes, but felt so lost over the years. Finally finding my style has automatically elevated my self esteem. Thank you 🙏

I was thinking the whole time about cleaning and curating our wardrobes, that even doing that is a form of wellness too. Also not standing in front of my closet and thinking "I have nothing to wear" every day and being able to dress simply is a form of wellness.

Thank you for your podcasts - I really have enjoyed all of them. This one particularly struck a chord with me. I’m 60 this year and live in Australia. I’ve always loved fashion and have been a thrifter before thrifting was a thing! My goals now are to buy everything secondhand and to only buy cotton, linen, silk, wool, cashmere and leather. I agree that what you wear demonstrates who you are and so I get dressed every day and often change during the day given my varied activities. I think a form of self care is actually taking good care of my clothes, washing correctly, ironing, organizing my closet and having the right thing to wear for every occasion. I really enjoy your individual videos about travel capsules - however they all seem to focus on 1- 2 weeks and going to one destination where the climate is the same the whole time. Living in Australia means that every time you travel to Europe - It’s the opposite season, it’s long haul i.e. at least 24 hours flights and usually 3-4 weeks away - and very likely to have multiple climates transiting through Singapore or the Middle East. It would be great to see some content addressing this kind of travel.

I would love for you guys to have Daily Helen on the podcast! I think it would be so fun

Let’s take an extreme example - someone who is homeless who hasn’t washed in forever and their clothes are damaged and dirty. How to we react - with distaste with sympathy with a feeling of helplessness etc. To discount the importance of presentation whatever our motivation is such a misnomer so misses the point of what it means to take care of oneself and get dressed. Yes there are degrees about how interesting people find it in clothing themselves but even my husband who is aesthetically uninterested in this stuff will consult with me regularly on how to present himself in various environments. There is a balance between getting dressed as self care and self obsession and extreme vanity which is important to to be able to articulate because as one ages it is important to understand that aging with grace strength and style is different to trying to “stay looking young”. A topic for the future for you all.

What a fantastic episode, it all resonated with me: from style as mental health and joy (it is for me, I discovered that it really helps me work with anxiety a few years ago-not the only thing, obviously), to how dressing up helps me be better at my job (in my industry where dressing like a slob is almost a point of pride/def not the norm) and the challenges of allowing myself an expensive item AND the courage it takes to wear it publicly.

For me one of the way I use cloths to self care is asking myself in the morning : how do I want to feel today ? Comment est ce que je veux me sentir aujourd’hui 👍? The answer often is confortable, au chaud, etc ans I choose my cloths for the day …except for working I choose one kit Thursday and wear it for Wednesday and Thursday I work sitting all day long and it se not useful to choose each working a new kit and it’s also a way to take care of me

Definitely this podcast is part of my self-care! ❤ This discussion is so good!

The only time I’d have opinion on ppl’s wardrobe and style spending is when they get into debt to buy buy buy. Saving for a luxury bag is not a sin. Owing 10s of thousands on credit card to buy expensive bags and jewelry is definitely not good.

This podcast is therapeutic and self care for me. I thought that as I was watching, before Signe even said it. You ladies are so wise and easy to listen to. Keep up the good work. I really love this podcast and episode ❤😊

What a great Podcast. You guys are getting better and better :)

For me, prayer grounds me. Who and what I pray for really shows me who I am and what I value. I also believe prayer is valuable so I feel like I am giving back to pray for others. After that, getting dressed is something I do for me to celebrate my day, to celebrate that I have this day to enjoy no matter what my responsibilities are that day.

"The comment" is do indicative of the current outrage culture, it is such a shame. It reminds us of the importance of surrounding ourselves with people who will celebrate WITH us, whether what we are celebrating resonates for them or not. Your community will understand your values and share both your joys and your sorrows. Your are each such lovely, open, honest, actively growing individuals. Don't let anyone's vague uninformed judgments impact you.

I just LOVE you three so much! Style and clothes are personal. Its should never be about judging others. Its about you and you alone. If someone feels the need to judge others it makes me sad. There are so many more positive ways for them to use that energy but free will is free will and if that is how they want to use their energy than so be it. Keep on keeping with the great podcasts so so awesome!!!

This was such a good episode! I think the self care discourse can be so challenging to engage with because a lot of it driven by attitudes that treat wellness as a commodity or as something that necessitates like super high-brow intellectualization and therapy jargon. Thanks for highlighting wellness (as it relates to our wardrobe, a space full of commodities) as a series of practices, attitudes, behaviors. It’s a far more accessible and sustainable way to integrate fashion as self care than a lot of the internet/businesses want us to think.

I truly believe that styling is a mode of self care, but it can be counterintuitive if we feel guilty for whatever reason. For instance for me wanting a leather jacket when that is not ethical to me, so I am looking at second hand to minimize the guilt…. Or buying items when you really don’t need them or absolutely love them. Alyssa btw started liking the puzzle because of you, you rock it!!!

You truly are the Terrific Trio! 👩🏻👩🏼👩🏻 All your comments and topics resonate with me. Appreciate you!

This episode was part of my self care 😊 good thoughts about guilt free joy of fashion! Thank you ladies!

Regarding the viewer who commented negatively about Alyssa’s Loewe bag, I think it’s important to remember this spiritual truism: The world is a mirror, and the only thing we ever see is ourself. This means, of course, that the negative judgment coming from this viewer has NOTHING to do with Alyssa; that puzzle bag triggered some negative feeling inside the woman that has to do with her own journey, life and self-esteem. As Wayne Dyer used to say, “Send her love and move along.”

Re negative comments or disapproval stares are reflections of the person’s lack of self confidences= To throw it on someone else is a verbal attack and wrong. Let it be...embrace your highest sense of self and show them compassion

I love this topic because I don’t think people truly understand how to express oneself through clothing or why it matters. I think most people want to, but they’ve never connected the romanticism they employ toward things that they are intrinsically attracted to, and their clothes. People don’t always realize that internally we romanticize everything we are interested in, which is essentially why so many people experience shopping for the ‘fantasy self.’ Often if we see a movie, or hear a song, or see some sort of aura that we are intrinsically attracted to because we want to be able to act/express through it, we do it through the most accessible way possible: the aesthetic. It’s like the famous plastic bag scene from American Beauty. It wasn’t just the bag that was beautiful; it was the way it floated, the feeling the character had when he had caught it, the wind, the weather, the brick wall behind it. So it wasn’t about just the bag, but the entire scene made the bag important. Just like when you see your favorite character or someone cool wearing a certain jacket, it’s not just the jacket, but everything about the scene makes you want to experience the jacket. At the heart of it all, we are all just acting. There’s a reason we call it ‘dressing up,’ or ‘playing dress up.’ We should always strive to romanticize our style just like we romanticize everything else we love in life in order to fulfill our happiness as creative and imaginative beings. Also, fashion isn’t frivolous; that idea comes from a post capitalistic society where people are trying to break free from consumption in general. And I get that, there’s a backlash to overconsumption and it’s warranted, but enjoyment is not frivolous, and fashion is enjoyment even if it’s been co-opted by extremely capitalistic brands and companies. Even if we were all naked or wore loincloths, we would find some way to differentiate ourselves through tattoos, different colored cloths, or cutting our hair. Individual establishment is part of our human development, no amount of economical structure will ever change that.

Thanks, ladies! ❤🎉😊 It is so enjoyable to watch you all after just listening to your podcast episodes on Spotify. "Yay!"

I’ve always loved clothes and shopping for clothes! But I definitely went through a time of over-declutterring and changing my style to conform to a certain “minimalist” image and I always ended up then overspending because it wasn’t me. I’m learning to allow myself to enjoy fashion and getting dressed again and realizing that this is me and what I like and that’s ok. Love this podcast! Y’all are the best!

I don’t understand why anyone would concern themselves with the purchase decisions of others. How dare anyone question me. How dare I question anyone. Pretty simple.

Leopard is definitely a neutral in my wardrobe! I have a pair of boots that are very similar to Signe’s and I love them! I have a pair of leopard ballet flats that I live in during the warmer months too! I also have several leopard print pieces including my favourite statement coat of all time, a maxi length faux fur, that I picked up on Vinted, unworn, for £25! It adds an instant shot of glamour to any outfit and always makes me feel great!

I think this was my favourite episode. I often live in the duality that spending on fashion is frivolous and fashion is my form of expression. I feel like you are creating the community that allows us space and freedom to just be. Thank you 💕

Excellent video. I do lay out my day’s clothing with intention. I have several activities for which I dress differently now that I am retired. When I worked as a kitchen and bath designer and sales person for a remodeling firm my uniform was pants, knit top/shirt and a blazer. I felt powerful and had great self confidence in my ability to be successful in my career. I love jackets and blazers. Unfortunately blazers aren’t a staple wardrobe “necessity” for me these days but I still want to wear them. But they are not appropriate for lawn bowling which I do 3-4 times a week. But I do wear some form of pants (though less formal) and a knit top or button up shirt. I usually wear a quilted vest or a jacket if it is cold in fall and winter (I live in California). I am intentionally thinking of my other activities where I can wear blazers/jackets because I love the top layer/completer piece. I like to look put together so I do plan what pieces I wear to lawn bowling even though they are more casual. In hindsight I have been doing this since I was young and have refined the process as I aged. It is definitely a form of self care for me still at 77.

This is one of the best episodes I heard from you! I so much agree with you! Since I managed it to have a wardrobe I really love it's so much fun and joy to get dressed each morning! When you feel good in what you wear this can help you to feel good the whole day. Certainly, it' s only one litte part of your life, but it can definitely help you to go through it more easily! However, lots of people missundestand that as a frivolous thing as you said. So I learnt to keep it for me. Nice to hear you with the same mindset 😊

Recently found your show and truly enjoy the thoughtfulness and encouragement you share.

Food for thought💌

Much needed episode, growing up with idea that clothes is not worth thinking about, it did not make me any favor, needed to do a lot of inner work in order to allow myself to be beautiful. And , the irony, as it turned made me extremely productive at my career. Love this quote from Coco Chanel "Dress shabbily and they remember the dress; dress impeccably and they remember the woman."

Loved this episode❤

Thank you for this conversation! You ladies are incredibly helpful in yourselves but a powerhouse together. I’m loving my wardrobe since honing down my three words-vintage, bohemian and relaxed with a bit of classic. Perhaps relaxed is my modifier. Hmm. To this podcast, understanding your style is the key to overall self care. I’d love to hear a podcast on skincare. I’ve heard you talk about Merit. Not sure the spelling. I’ve avoided foundation lately because it’s so challenging to find the correct tone. Thank you.

Love this episode of self care and fashion, I just got a preloved chanel red woc in great condition, and it was something I wanted and waited for it, love it and it will add self love, Wear what you love instead of having stuff that takes up space and you don't wear

Great episode. I totally agree with everything. I also follow Ramit Sethi.

Wearing clothes that embody my personal style makes me feel more confident and comfortable, allowing me to relax and focus outwardly on enjoying other people. So, yes, definitely a form of self care. Don't let anyone steal your joy in expressing yourself by their thoughtless and rude comments!

Saaame I wear my soft ballerinas as indoor shoes in the cold season

Love you three! So inspiring and down to earth! Love you “realness” and gentle approach.💜💜💜

You guys have hit the nail on the head. Thank you!

Thank You 😊❤

This podcast was amazing. You ladies brought it home..❤😊

❤ good job ladies

Would love to hear your thoughts what role our body, skin, and hair play in our style.

❤

I have a question that might be interesting for many of us in the same situation. Over the course of a few years, I "invested" a lot of money in then-trendy fast fashion pieces. As a result, I truly ended up with a closet full of clothes and nothing to wear, since most of those clothes are so obviously obsolete by now. Either because I'm ashamed of the poor quality that's now showing through or because the trends have come and gone. What would be your advice for someone in my shoes? Apart from this being an apparently common scenario, I find at least, some of us also had kids in the interim and even if our size hasn't changed, our expectations of our closet definitely have. So we seem to be stuck with cheap feeling clothes that are too high maintenance or pieces that look or feel dated, and little financial freedom to change the situation overnight. (Our priorities being elsewhere for the moment.) Quite unexpectedly, I had an epiphany during one of your sessions and realized how I can turn this around for me, in my current position. I'm using my current wardrobe as a testing ground, playing around with styles and outfits, to find out what my true wishlist would look like, for the day I can finally upgrade. This gives me something to do and lessens the dissatisfaction with my clothes. But maybe there are other things to try? Thanks for the awesome work you do!

This was amazing. I always feel so much pressure because of my love for nice clothes. If feels like a failure but now I will try to see it as selfcare and the thing I love!💕