Just happened to me !

It's near impossible to get abusers to agree to go to counselling.

@@garybarrett4881 exactly 100% right..

@@garybarrett4881 great point!

Therapist client rapport must be good. Client must be honest, must have trust too, and the right modality needs to be used. My family was furious that I didn't improve enough from therapy and also hated that I tried to practice conversations. Turns out some of us might need that for our therapy. I'm going to ask my clinician for this. I thought abusive people often sought treatment and were just not human enough to get better. Now I see it. Focus on improvement instead of reliving trauma in session years after it's no longer a help. Coping tools I wanted were just not available to me . If you think your loved ones are motivated you can help by taking note. Are they improving or not??

You're welcome!

it seems too harsh and too logical to me, eft is better imo

I totally agree with you! "See there's a good side of the abuse, you protected you siblings" mentality is awful. The problem is, that the client paid and still pays the price for other people's comfort. Also, it's reinforcing the idea, that it was noble thing to accept the role of a scapegoat. The problem is, that client COULDN'T escape, due to (at least) learned helplessness, but also other are other factors contributing to your ability to escape. As a child you have no chance. Then, you need a stable financial situation to live independently. The problem is, usually in this point you're already so traumatized, that even you health may be impacted (like in my case) so you can't work until you get healed. By the way, I had a cardiac episode after a coaching session with a similar reframing. My cardiologist was terrified of the physical impact of such "mind game" on my physical well-being.

I am also uncomfortable with this role play. It was "off." Why are we trying to find positives about abuse.

I'd love to see a more realistic roleplay. The client is overly agreeable here, which isn't always the case. It gets more difficult to reframe ingrained thoughts of a client that they associate with the character of their being.

He'd be recording it instead. Then you get even more detail and context from a real life consultation.

This is a role play so there’s no need for him to “remember” in real life

Because he is targeting the core issues of his client's trauma related reactions that get triggered while arguing. Once core issues are processed the client is more able to feel a sense of control over their situations and thus start using better skills in relationships too. He is also validating this person's childhood experiences that propably haven't been ever validated before. He also addresses the fact that the man responds in aggressive and yelling manner sometimes to his wife. So first they tackle the core issue, then proceed to new skills. Also this is HIS therapy. Not his wife's.

That's not always the answer, maybe counselling for both at the same time might help, she may have had abuse in the past and not had good role models herself, and maybe if she knew the marriage was almost over and wanted to do everything to save it further counselling may work. If he can overcome past hurts then so can she.

I wouldn't say that. I would say maybe entering into couples therapy or seeing if she'd be open to coming in for a few sessions. The thing is neither he nor the wife may be aware of what they are contributing to the collapse of communication. A lot of times it takes a third person to observe their behaviors and them get corrected.

❤