My excuse for not transitioning: I’m too much of a coward to come out as trans.

I'm worried about losing my financial stability.

as a cisgendered woman, I can tell you that most cis women don't even look "feminine enough" for society. Most women put a lot of work in everyday to come off as "pretty", take a look at prison inmates, that's the natural woman. What I'm trying to say is, if there is a will, there is a way. It's all about skill, hun. ALL about skill.

Oh dear, the girls out there who are afraid they're too tall, I absolutely LOVE a tall woman! Don't let that stop you!

My biggest fear of transitioning is changing my mind halfway through

Or another excuse that haunts me is "Someone expects me to be a son, brother, father, Godfather, etc." It's quite affecting my desire to transition due to someone's controlling/manipulative acts. I try to be the gender that I was born, not the one that I feel that I am. But... as you say that it's all excuses. Life is unfair to some and that's including me.

I started transitioning when I was 35 and I'm 40 now. I have no regrets. Although I wish I could have started sooner, I know it likely would not have been possible. Not an excuse, I just wasn't fully aware of myself as a transgender person when I was younger.

I wish you would make one of these for FTM, or more FTM related videos in general. You make very good videos. Cheers.

I had a teacher who had prostate cancer and was put on testosterone blockers, and he was bald. Once he went on the blockers, within a few months, he had a full head of hair again.

I started at 41 and now I'm feeling a lot better in life, but I do regret starting later.

My voice sounds like it's from the depths of he'll.

I started at 76 years, I have never been so happy & comfortable. I will in all likelihood have to wear wear wig, oh well. My dysphoria is rather severe it has been for decades, it seems to get worse as times passes. I got tired of fighting it. When my wife passed away it was easier for me to be me. She knew all about my situation.

One of my excuses is that it's just a phase because I'm around the age of puberty

When I was younger I always kinda wanted to be a girl. I played with them, always liked 'girlish' things, but a lot of the time I tried dissacociating myself with being 'girlish'. Me and my sister would play house a lot, and I wanted to be the daughter but I just ended up being the dog. When I got a little older I didn't know being 'transgender' was a thing, but at some point I looked up if it was possible to get a sex change and I was really ecstatic. Although I always tell myself 'what if I regret it?'

Literally every worry I had. Thank you. I feel I can look into myself to better see if this is really what I need. I feel more comfortable now.

I wish I found this video five years ago. This was perfect for me

I feel like I need to be a boy. Really badly. But I fear that I won't want to be a boy after I do transition. But I know I won't. I'm terrified that people will hate me and reject me too. These videos are getting to me. They make me realize how bad my disphoria really is.

You are not too old to transition. I am 60. I finally came to the self-realization that I was transwoman only 6 weeks ago. It was amazing. My major depression and anxiety disorders mostly disappeared within days. I thought they were lifelong. My therapist was sooo happy for me. I didn't wait to start. I bought clothes: underwear, skinny leg jeans, girlie tops, leggings, cute little jumpers, bling, and started wearing only them. I ordered a beautiful slay blonde wig, and now I wear it every time I go out. I came out to my colleagues at school, I'm an elementary school music teacher. The kids love my transition. I started learning makeup. Now I wear it even if it's not perfect. I posted tons of pics on FB and Instagram. I'm looking almost like a young girl and absolutely loving myself. Just look at my profile pic. I took it with my phone, no photoshopping. I don't get to see my trans doctor for the first time for another 5 weeks, but I'm not waiting. I found my true self, I'm going for it now. You can too!

Great video! I absolutely agree with you about the goal of transition not being about becoming a beauty queen. In fact, I feel strongly that we are in a good position to fight against beauty standards, so long as we are in a position mentally healthy and stable enough to overcome our insecurities (and we ALL have insecurities). With that said, I think that having a goal to be as pretty or handsome as you can be is okay, so long as that goal doesn't consume you. You should always work to find value in yourself beyond your appearance, because in those dark days when your confidence is low and you feel ugly and rejected, you will need to hold onto that value that isn't a part of what your mind is attacking about yourself. I find value in myself that I'm smart, empathetic, skilled in my line of work, a hard worker, etc. No one can attack my appearance and take away my self-value. And they can only impact my confidence for a short time, and then only if I let them. But reaching this point wasn't easy, and was the result of my wife calling me out multiple times, and even reaching a crisis point in our relationship. Puberty isn't easy, even the second time around! And you might have to learn some life lessons all over again. But you can do it! And you don't have to do it alone. Find a good therapist like Alexis. Find a good community for support- online or local, or both! Talk to your ally friends. Talk to you ally family. ♥ for all my trans sisters, brothers, and enbies! Be safe and live well!

Thank you for this video. It helped me transition. I’m now two years on hormone replacement therapy and it’s a giant relief.

I'm renewing my transition in my very-early-fifties. I have drawn some strength from the saying that the best time to plant a tree is 20 years ago, but the second best time is right now. I gave up on my last serious period of gender exploration about 15 years ago b/c I was disgusted with my broad shoulders & generally male figure. Now I accept that I may never look as natural as my Mom & sisters but I'm happier with any feminization I can manage.

Thank you so much for all the help you have provided me this past year Alexis! I have fought with this for so long, and I will not lie it is extremely difficult. Yet to finally start to be myself has been so wonderful. Anyone who is trans, I must say that I do not recommend that you try it alone. Alexis knows the hurdles that we face. Thank you again Alexis. I will always be in your debt

I love you!!! this is exactly what I needed to listen. I'm 27 and I was thinking that it was too late for me, and these excuses are excuses that I could use, because I have all of these, but as you said, they're just excuses. Thank you so much for this video.

I feel so incredibly relieved to have finally started to try to be myself, and to believe that I actually can be. Thank you, Alexis!

I wanted to be female all my life. I looked into transitioning in 1970 when I was 12. What I saw then scared me. I CDd for a while, then met a girl and married, had 2 daughters and a wonderful life. Four years ago my wife of 36 years passed away. All alone, I started crossdressing once again,. this time with privacy and money. I fell hard (closets FULL of dresses & shoes) and soon was dressing almost all the time. Bottom line, I'm able to transition now, but I'm 63. Everyone over 18 that has done it regrets not starting earlier. What's that say for 63?! Should I lose all my friends or just keep crossdressing (which is a lot of fun, but it's not full time). I have grown my breasts to a 38D with Puertaria Mirifica and have a bit of a head start there. I'm obsessed with at least living as a woman and the urge gets stronger every day. I'm dressed 90% + of the time now, only returning to drab when I must, but I hate sneaking around and now, binding my breasts. I want so badly to go full time, but don't want to commit 'social suicide'. I don't know what to do, but I'm going to do something SOON.

You are such a kind human being and a fantastic resource. I hope we continue to get more medical professionals like you!

At first I thought I was too old but now I so proud of myself. Yes my bald spot filling in superbly. I’m so happy that I’m finally on my way to becoming a woman that I am. Thank you for the video 💕

I got fired from my job for transitioning... I was a federal worker. My department manager was very hostile towards trans community (she was a lesbian but she somehow hates LGBTQ community.). She made some ridiculous exagerrated excuses to fire me. Before transition she was willing to promote me to gs-11 job....

Yes! Yes! Yes!!!!!!! Finally someone talked about "I'm too hairy" . I love you for giving me all of this hope . Ilyyyyy

I am SO glad that I stumbled onto this channel! Thank you so much for this!

My excuse is that I'm Autistic and thought the disconnect from my body was just another part of that.

I don't want to step on anyone's toes, but as a CIS woman I've found this video inspiring. A lot of your advice chimed with me. Thank you. I'll bear this advice in mind.

I'm 62 and I came out (only to myself and a couple of therapists) as a transgender woman a couple of weeks ago - this is so helpful - Thank you.

Thank you so much for your videos, I've been researching for so long and these have helped more than all of the research I've done, I learnt so much I've only just started transitioning and am not on hrt yet, I was doing the excuse thing, but now after watching your videos it's rejuvenated my thinking and I know I have to become the real me, I absolutely can't wait to start hrt now Thanks again, you're wonderful!!!!!!

You hit the nail right on the head that first excuse is definitely was stuck in my mind I will still transition no matter what I've never loved myself this much of my life

This topic is probably one of the most needed to be speak. Thank you very much for bring it to us!

I never knew you could lose height from transitioning! I always worried about garnering too much attention if I transition since I'm 6'1, but if I can get to around 5'11 I may be able to pass as a tall girl. Now I suddenly get a huge boost of confidence. Thanks for posting this video!

I can relate to the ,"my hair is receding/crowning" excuse.

These videos really have helped me. I just came out a couple months ago, started hormone therapy this month. I'm starting to feel a bit better, but I'm really starting to feel the emotional effects, and had to leave work because of it today. But other than that, I'm feeling pretty positive.

❤ Thank you for sharing this!!! Its impossible to explain how much I needed this.

I am loving your videos. They are very helpful and encouraging, and have motivated me, at the age of 60, to begin seeing a counselor about transition. I am excited about the journey ahead, but have some of the very common fears like family rejection and employment for starters. I trust my counselor will be able to help with these issues.

Your absolutely right hormones make a big difference and I am so much happier being my true self. I do wish I started sooner. Thank you for making these videos sister. Be yourself everyone else is taken.

Thank you very much for your videos. Such a blessing that I found you here.. It has really clarified some confusion that I've had for some time. In the next few weeks I would love to help with a donation for your student loans. ☺

I'm 66 and began transition at 64, Alex is right, I had vaginoplasty 6 months ago and I have never been happier. She helped me tremendously, My life is wonderful now, I finally feel right, I am so glad I did it!

This is the most helpful thing I’ve seen since I started transitioning

I like your chanel very informative I am a transwoman a husband and father I want to transition but I am in school and my wife can not except me as my true self and my heart hurts because I will lose my love and because I have reminders all around me every time I look in the mirror I don't see me I see a stranger I feel like my head is going to explode

OMG Thank You so much. I really needed a positive empowering message to help me. It means a lot. Hopefully I can pay it back when im on my feet financially.

Thank you so much for your video. You brought up a ton of really great points. And I think this is going to help me tremendously!

As a FtM potential, my biggest concern or "excuse" is my marriage. My husband has ZERO attract to guys. We seriously feel that at best we'd be is really good friends suck in a sexless relationship.. That's literally the only thing keeping me from wanting to change..

To any trans women who worry about their receding hairline; I'm a cis woman who naturally has a hairline that resembles the receding hairline of male pattern baldness, I have no hair growth on my temples. It has always looked like that, even as a child. It's the same for my sister. No one ever questioned our womanhood over this. Having a receding hairline doesn't mean you won't pass or that you are any less of a woman!

This video was very comforting and reassuring in a way that reminded me of a teacher or a therapist. I don't really worry about my physical appearance if I am to transition, and any worries I did have were alleviated by this video, but this video did bring up some worries. I'm a rather large sized man (currently), and have decently sized muscles and am just over 6'. I don't want to lose the muscles or the height, as they are my only masculine traits I am very proud of.

Love you! Im doing my transission now at 38.

oh my God thank you so much everything you just said was the questions that I had I have been transitioning for a year now but but it only go out in public at night time because I was afraid this video has given me so much confidence thank you so much

Thsnk you! None of this really applied to me, but i am SO HAPPY that these resources exist! Thank you for everything!!!!

Wow what a great video. These are things I wanted to write about in my journal because sometimes I worry about these things and causes me to hold back a lot.

Thank you for all the "sensible" information in your videos.

I like her videos and found her advice helpful. I think that the decision to transition is personal and that we each have our own, unique journey. There are pros and cons and we need to keep our eyes open. I just got tired of living in a closet and denying myself. I had to face my truth before I die.

Thank you so very much, I needed that talk... been feeling scared and wondering if i´m on the right path or if i´m just insane... starting my HRT in 2 weeks time... lots of love and respect.

Thankyou for your reply. I am learning to love myself more and more it's just now that I've told friends and family I need to be charletta more than ever. All these years of hiding has built up to the point now I feel stronger than ever to go through with a full transition. No turning back. Love charletta

What an incredibly informative video. Thanks you so much for those basics answers to almost every objection I had. I feeling much better than ever now I tomorrow will be the first day of the rest of my life. Best to you. 💕

I know the physical stuff all works itself out. My concerns wold be much more social, i.e. I have 5 kids who have always known me as their dad, and how this could affect THEM

Thank you for doing this video. You hit so many of my excuses. When I prance around on my heels, I'm 6'4", which is kinda fun!

Thank you for this. I have been concerned that I was too old, you've helped me see that I'm not.

Alexis has been so great with me. She has been my therapist for several months now. She helped me get on HRT and has given me so much support in my transition. Thanks to her, I am now living and presenting as a full time girl. I am on top of the world. I had no idea it would be this good. I love it. Ill never go back to being a boy. It is such an amazing feeling to have the world look at you and treat you like a girl. This was the hardest decision of my life, but also the best decision that I ever made. I finally feel like myself. At 48 years old, I am so happy, free, and peaceful. I'm living a dream. Thank you, Alexis !

your videos have all been wonderfully helpful. i hope many others have found your site as resourceful as i have.

Thank you for your encouragement. I'm so scared to continue without transitioning but I'm also tired of living my life for other people and denying myself. I just don't know how to get started and pay for all the surgeries.

I've have been researching Transgenders since the early 90s in my teenage years. I am now 44, had top surgery in 2016, started T in 2018 and didn't take the testosterone like i should have because i had not came out to the world. However in April i cam out to all my friends and family and I am going to move forward with taking testosterone. I think, I have so many doubts, but being trans is something i have researched for most of my life. I feel like i keep researching this because it's who i am. I have no idea why i am so full of doubt. I have passed as a boy since i was a young child, i passed before T. I have been mis-gendered my whole life. I thought maybe I was just MOC, non binary, transmasculine, but then I feel like i just need to come to terms with who I am and accept and move forward with giving this transition everything with in me that I have been researching for so many long years.

Thank you so much for making that video that’s really inspirational and really really helps me. Definitely doing it now!!

This is my morning affirmations. Thank you

This video helped me a lot regarding fears, uncertainties and anxieties about concerns of physicality and apperance. A larger issue even than this for me though, is fear and worries for my family, community and marriage.

I’m ready to start to transition I’m 31 years old. Please keep in prayers can’t wait till I tell my mom and looking for a place to live. Really need help thank you so much for your help. I’m ready to transition to a woman. Pray for my insurance to accept and cover it completely

i tell myself this daily for nine year and i finally made the step. u rock thank u made me feel good

I want to start hormones, but personally I'm scared to fully transition due to society cramming being a male down my throat so long, I don't want the same thing to occur if I'm a woman. Like having boons and a vagina scares me as much as being already male. I love people thinking I'm a woman, and I want to go on hrt, but I'm afraid of losing the neutral ground freedom of non binary. I just don't know how to feel, personally I just wish gender wasn't a thing or that I looked like a girl but gender less.

Great video! I had/have most of these excuses! I was always a very androgynous looking kid. People always thought I was a girl even with short hair and boys clothes on. I had always felt more girl than boy. When puberty hit I started to grow very very much ( which caused me a great deal of stress and discomfort) I am now 6'2 (190m) I have always thought I could never pass as a woman because of this.I have a very slender build and fine bone structure tho. I live in the Netherlands where a lot of tall people live and I see a lot of young cis girls nowadays that reach my height. Also I heard before that the blockers and hormones can cause people to shrink. I already made a lot of steps in my transition ( seeing specialists, hair laser removal, growing out my hair telling my family friends etc) I am now up for discussion if I can start HRT. Still there is a big part of me who is anxious and afraid to start, I know that this is fear. After seeing this video I feel a lot more empowered. I am already named lady and miss sometimes in public without even wearing makeup or dressing very feminine, so I know with HRT I will become even more feminine and will be fine. It's an exciting and difficult time and I hope I will find peace with my gender identity one day :)

Thank you so much for making these videos they make me so much more confident.

Not even 2 minutes and you make me feel so much less scared about this journey.

Thank ypu sooo much. The 1st 2 excuses were my 2 most solid. I love you! Tina ooxx

Thank you so much for this video, I find I use at least 3 of these excuses: to late, will be an ugly woman, too muscular, too hairy. This really helped me reassess how I want to begin my journey.

I'm glad I found this channel. As a young kid I knew who I was, but my religious family made it a big trauma. So I was confused all through my 20's, then being from the deep rural south I was too scared from 30 to 60. Even when I moved to a non "right to work" state i.e. wage slave state, the fear remained for my career. When the SCOTUS ruled June 15th 2020 that LGBT rights are covered by the civil rights act of 1964 I came out everywhere the very next day, under quarantine. At least I can retire, live awhile and die happy as me now. While changing young is preferable for very serious biological reasons, I swear it's also true that it's NEVER to late.

I use all those excuses in my journey thank you so much for this video

Thank you so much you answer a lot of the questions I was face with, a few of them you answer for me you given me the extra push that I needed to hear the truth oh thank you so very much, 🤗💓

God bless you!!! This made a huge impact on my day ❤️❤️❤️❤️

thank you. It seems that a made a full list of my own excuses to not change.

The answers you give are all good to hear, but I find the word "excuse" and it's repetition a little bit ill-advised judgemental and and damaging to people who need to feel good, understood and validated (including in their "weaknesses"). Fears and excuses are here for good reasons, pointing them out as such is not helping (even less from a "mental health professional") in my opinion. The rest of your video is good but the approach may be clumsy.

With all due respect to this woman, she has never transitioned, and never experienced the dysphoria associated with transgenderism. In another video, she lectures about who is crossdressing vs. who is transgendered, when most "experts" suggest there is a tremendous amount of overlap between these two categories, and as we all know, we lie on a spectrum. She should stop shoving people into little boxes. Here she "has heard endless excuses"...Oh really? Because what you delineated in your video touches on exactly one aspect of transitioning, appearance. No mention of the additional physical demands which are made on a persons body, and how some cannot simply tolerate it. No mention of the economic ramifications, not only the cost to transition, but also the devastation wrought when people lose careers. No mention of the effects on marriages, and families, and how transitions often occur only after years of marriage and result in divorces and shattered homes. I'm all for transitioning when and if a person can fully comprehend the costs involved. Idiots like this grasp at one or two issues when in fact this is an extremely complex issue. Most experts will tell you, "You will know if you need to transition- you will have no other choice". Until that time, go slow, go carefully, seek advice, and make no lasting decisions, as far as you are able. And don't get any medical or psychological advice from KZfaq.

thank you for posting these videos after watching these videos i gained the courage to come out to my family and friends how ever right now i am in the army reserves and i have a good excuse as to why i am not transitioning at this time and that because of the lack of funds cause the reserves is my only income and i cannot afford it how ever i have come to terms with who i am but unable to look like myself like i need to

“My back’s too wide”

Honest people are naturally authentic, no drugs needed.

I'm 55 and only started. I'm not on hormones yet and tried makeup to feminize my features last night. I almost quit. I picked up my phone this morning, yours was the second video this morning that addressed my fears, every one you mentioned except being too tall, I'm 5' 6". Thank you so much.

Years ago I heard an interview with a plastic surgeon in Beverly Hills who lists facial feminization surgery (FFS) as one of his specialties and it blew me away when he said the majority of his clients who get FFS are Cisgender women.

Thank u! awesome person.. I'm44 here.. but I know a VERY happy one who was 59 when SHE (mtf) very first began any kind of estrogens or anything.. I mean HAPPY.. Hair come back.. OK AWESOME!!..Shrink in height? AWESOME!!! i'm 6foot even..my sister a female/female is one inch taller..I LOVE youre video Absolutely!!! May I also add,, you have a comfortable calming voice whether YOU are female OR mtf!! and that really calmed me thru the video also..

My excuse was that I couldn’t face telling family and friends - especially my parents and my (ex)in-laws (my ex knew and was supportive). I used to say “I’m just glad I know this about myself now! No need to shake up everyone’s lives. Maybe someday, if your parents and my parents all die in a freak accident...” Eventually, that didn’t cut it. My family has been overwhelmingly supportive, and our friends were as well. My ex’s parents, however, weren’t; they actually cut him off for awhile, with an email stating they “couldn’t bear to speak to him as long as he’s embracing the gay lifestyle.” We’d been married for years at that point, literally nothing changed about his “lifestyle.” It’s about 8 years since I began. The ex-in-laws did end up systematically eroding our marriage (or rather, my ex allowed them to). Lost the marriage, kept the dog - and kept myself. 100% glad I made the decisions I did; no regrets!

This is my pep talk. Thank you xx

I have known since about age 4 or 5. I waited until after I retired, and after my wife and I agreed for me to transition. Over the course of two and one-half years I went from counseling, electrolysis, HRT, breast augmentation and finally, two days after my 76th birthday, had the bottom surgery. I have never been happier. At the end, I will not be lying in hospice regretting bitterly that I never had the courage to do this. And my marriage of over 50 years remains strong, deep, warm and loving. She is right. You are never too old.

Thanks, these videos are awesome!

Thank you for being a real human being. 💓💖💓💖

The calming voice also helps 😭❤️

I have a real good place to help me to transition they are very help full on helped me to become the women I feel like I should be inside.thank you for your help.THANK YOU!

I was and honestly still am willing and wanting to go through with it,but recently i got replied to a comment that made me sad as heck,despite taking the high ground and avouding confrontation,i felt and still feel a little tug at my heart from the sadness,same one i felt when i was told i couldn't go for my desired chest size but i decided to go with slightly lower and still amazing for me,plus there's the matter of still being on ny first step and afraid of outing myself to my family..

This helped with my fear of not being able to pass. Thank you.