If someone who is narcissistic keeps telling you to get help it’s lack of accountability

This is 100% accurate. And causes mores pain to those who are already suffering.

Its so triggering and infuriating to me because any time I feel strongly about anything suddenly it's attributed to my BPD and I need to be fixed. When in reality I've just been invalidated my entire life and the cycle is being repeated.

As a BPD sufferer, he’s 100% correct.

Sometimes people need to hear the truth especially when they will never help themselves

Especially when these people aren't the healthiest people themselves...

Brilliant, how wonderful! I love it! I love it and I must try it.

I've been going to therapy for around 4 years and overall it has helped me ground myself a bit more, 100% recommend it for those that need it

He is talking about a true bpd. .. He is not talking about a narcissist.

ive pushed friends away bc of this. no i dont want them to behave like a therapist. i just wanted a fucking shoulder to cry on. just someone to listen for once. that kinda thing shows they clearly dont wanna be burdened by my feelings and they dont care. even though i have to listen to them or they listen to others.

Thanks phil we didn’t seek help because it’s so hard. We don’t want too burden other people with our self worth and worries. I’m a good looking guy who has BPD its inside me but I’m doing everything. I can do to settle it down thank you for being real and understanding!

But as a borderline I did and am now in remission but it wasnt a therapist or psychiatrist who helped me in the end. Did they play a huge ass role? Oh lord yes and I love each of them! Ultimately it was God whos helped me heal and change. I still have quite a ways to go but I no longer have symptoms. Minor triggers. My emotions are consistent, stable and secure. My mind is at peace. Im no longer at war with myself or others as I would think in very black and white. All or nothing. Good vs bad. I was battling my own self but it was like God vs Satan in mind 24/7. We arent black/white. We are very complex beings. I am still learning what it means to be human

So please tell us how to approach a BP person about this exact thing. Because the truth is in the message just the message given was not able to be heard for whatever reason.

Exactly my mom is always throwing a pie you need help omg you need help and it makes me In RAGE! I have bpd and when she says that to me IT DOES NOT HELP ME@

I have BPD and had 15 years of different styles of therapy. Even though I'm very self aware now and do not worry about abandonment, I would agree with what he said. It sounds to a borderline like you're saying, I don't want you, so I'm gonna palm you off on a professional. It must be hard dealing with a borderline to be honest. I was put in a group therapy session with others like me and man it was awful 😂😂 everyone was trying to tell their story, they were all getting triggered by each other and one woman ran off and cut herself in her car because someone said the film warhorse made them feel sad (She thought it was trivial). CAT is fantastic for BPD after they've done DBT and got in a place where they have the ability to self reflect and take responsibility for themselves. Best thing I ever did

If you're respectful, mind your Ps and Qs, are working towards the betterment of yourself and others, and someone says this to you, YOU are probably not the problem! I understand this doesnt go for every scenario, but its important to put things into context.

Absolutely true bc I've said that to my husband

Wish someone had told me this. My family literally told me to talk to them but when my past was to much for them to handle I was told to bottle it up because it hurts others aswell as myself. Then went to therapy because.of a friend and I got the help I needed.

Thank you because I didn’t realize what she was doing my mother. I haven’t talk to her in a few months because of what I told her I accept myself 100% though I ran from ADHD all my life and I dealt with it in my own way good thing I went through a behavior, modification drug program, yeah my brain needs that and I thrived. I picked up all their tools and ran with them and living by truth. All the doors unlocked for me. Yeah me with the ninth grade education I went to many schools many elementaries many junior highs many high schools didn’t learn anything but how to stay alive and not get myself into too much trouble, but that changed when I was 18.

I’m am a victim of a narcissist parent, doesn’t help at all that I am her gender. I am now in my 50s.

I’m 52 and I finally admitted to my mother that I have ADHD. I saw some videos and they seem like they’re talking directly to me back in the 70s. It was a bad stigmatism and I got teased so I never took the medication. I ran from it my parents divorced when I was 10 they were violent and screaming and I witnessed that and I even tried to protect my mom one night back in 1982. I was 10 years old and I saw my dad carry my mom to the bedroom and I saw this from my room in bed and I said get your hands off of her. He came directly to my room grab me by my neck and told me he would end me if I ever talk to him like that again the next day my mom was gone that’s how it turned out and no one ever came back to check on me. We just went on with our lives later my mom got custody of us, I even had to talk to the judge and choose who I wanted to live with and of course I missed my mother dearly. I forgot about that night for years. I’m so amazed that my brain protected me. I remembered that maybe a year ago I saw some video on KZfaq and it just bring it all back explains my dreams I’ve had for years that I can’t protect myself it’s a trip out. The mind works. I’ve always been fascinated. Still working on stuff today. 52 years old. Still have hunting memories when I was a kid. And I actually had the opportunity to talk to my dad about it, but he took no ownership. All he said was I did the best I could. I have a hard time excepting that big time. A damaged the hell out of us he was a terrible father and so is my mother. They both cheated on each other before they divorced and I knew about it. I was aware of everything two years before the divorce I actually used to go in my mom’s room and talk to her and ask her are you guys getting a divorce Because I was aware of everything

Thank you

Yeah, everything I discussed with my mom at the end she was like so you gonna take the medication like no I’ve been running from that since the 70s and I’m successful. Why the hell would I change my position now that was my thought I just listen to her and hung up, I can’t get close to her no matter what I do take ownership for my own self. It’s still not enough so I’m giving up that way I can stop getting hurt.

What shall I say when there is nonsense on other side? Shall I continue arguing?!

Whoa wait a minute here. # 1 ,,as its title says, “ The difference between your opinion & coffee is that I asked for coffee,” ok? Someone else’s opinion about me means nothing..especially when they haven’t earned that right. I’ve experienced the humiliation of being told to get help without any justification.. I called it out that I was gaslighted, just bc I don’t meet her illusion of me..now, that is crazy

Yeah, you had a cord with me, Dr. Phil and you actually help me realize what’s going on so thank you. I appreciate it big time cause I didn’t know how to handle it. I am out of options.

I have NO Clue what my Adult Son (25 yrs) has. He’s had ADHD since Preschool. A lot of testing and people coming into watch him. He went to counseling & psychiatrist when he was in his teen years with suicidal ideation, cutting etc. Also was at The MH Wing at the Hospital, BUT they NEVER kept him. Now it’s SO different.. It’s like he’s not my son anymore. He met a girl 7 years ago, they have a 3 1/2 year old daughter (my Grandbaby) and she’s due with a boy in Late March -April 2024. He’s the only one that works l, She can’t hold a job.. But I’ve had to call the cops on my son Because he’s pushed me, he’s mentally & emotionally abusive. He calls me the worse names, tells me he Hopes I DI€ & To go K$LL my EFFIN SELF! He Acts & tells people that I’m the fault for Everything.. HE LIES & LIES. I had to start carrying around my phone to the recording app. My mother in law passed May 18th 2023. She was 95. She gave me her house. I promised her I would NOT give her dog up or away. My son, GF & Granddaughter lived somewhere and they wouldn’t let them resign their lease. Cuz they were late on paying rent. They had 3 months to look for a place and be out by the end of June 2023. “Supposedly” they could not find a place to move. So my Son asked if he could stay here @ my MIL’s house. He said 3 months AT MOST, probably less. I told him he’d have to pay 3/4 of the bills b/c I’m 1 person & they’re 3. He said fine. Well he’s been here since the last weekend of June 2023 till January 27th, and has paid $300.00 TOTAL!! I Had to call the cops on the 27th, he was not only going off on me BUT My Mother as well. She did Nothing. No one did. It’s Always in front of my poor Granddaughter. I just don’t know what to do???!!🥺💔

I have BPD and my ex who has NPD was telling me this and I was seeking help but it bothered me because he needed help too! Now I’m seeing a therapist three times a week so that I can be the best version of myself because I realized at times I was the problem too

You are speaking from a clinical perspective. If you ask them what they hear you saying in any other environment they will more than likely repeat back what you said, and then sulk up, start their wrath, or triangulation. And you're left scratching your head about what they are mad about two days later.

My wife has been manipulated her entire life by her mom, who my wife and I figure has a very serious case of BPD, if not also NPD. Until I met her, I never knew it was possible for so many repulsive traits to be packed into one single human being…utterly TOXIC and manipulative to the core, massive abandonment issues/fear of abandonment, emotionally overreactions almost daily, full of anger and resentment (especially towards men), NO notion of accountability, always playing victim, controlling, intrusive, disrespectful, clingy, jealous, insecure, minimal social filter, NO understanding of boundaries, talks shit about everyone behind their backs, frequent neurotic episodes, narcissistic as hell…easily the most miserable and obnoxious person I have ever met. After less than a year and a half of my wife and I dating, she told my wife that she sensed that I didn’t like her. I absolutely CAN’T STAND her, and she as well as my wife know this very well. I can’t even look at her face IN PICTURES. But of course, she won’t admit there’s something wrong with her, and she doesn’t get help. So she makes all of us around her miserable instead. Many members of my family, friends of mine, as well as my wife’s friends have been repelled and put off by this person, even after just initial and limited interactions. Could you imagine having to bring a person like this along on every family road trip, because she will throw a childlike tantrum if you were to tell that person that JUST FOR ONCE, just you and your spouse would like to take a road trip with your child/children? Our daughter is now a preteen, and it is absolutely absurd that just my wife and I haven’t been able to enjoy such a normal, common thing because our resident BPD case can’t understand the concept of stepping aside in recognition of parental boundaries, and “has” to tag along every time. To pour salt on the wound, my wife, our daughter, and I have been hopelessly stuck living with this person for nearly 7 years, and it is suffocating and exhausting to say the least. Lashing out at her whenever she mouths off or has some explosive episode would make us even more miserable than she already makes us.

FUUUUUUCK. my mother did this exact thing to me and it caused me to run away from my own home. i told her there was something wrong with me, and that she has never helped me in a meaningful way, and that she doesn’t know how to be nurturing. she told me “GO CHECK YOURSELF IN SOMEWHERE THEN. GO DO IT BECAUSE I DONT KNOW HOW TO HELP YOU” was one of the most invalidating and disrespectful times of my life and it was coming from my own mother. when it’s obvious she has issues herself and is the reason i am this way.

So true it’s me 😊

I agree

Dr. Phil I haven’t talk to my mom in a few months. I didn’t even call her on Mother’s Day cause I’m just exhausted trying to be the better person to get close to her but no matter what I do. It just turns out I get hurt in the end every time it seems like no one can live upto the expectations that everyone should I don’t know I’m stuck

Thanks need sleep after liers sabotage noise tired my dream never because I'm 65 but people around enjelous and all my life help now people ignore me thanks again Dr

I said that to a friend who was on my last nerve. Tired, exhausted really from her insecurity. She then blamed me for her insecurity and the friendship is over. Well, that’s one way out 👍🏻.

Phil. Sir. What about a Cruel to be kind Mentality. And say.. Loook here Schkippyy, Stop being little girl 👉🏼 Then vis 🙈🤩🤗 chicken dance, da da da, and clap you hands, da da da da 😂❤

It's easy you bring them on a show that 100s of thousands or more will watch and confront them there. No harm can come from mass public attention and scrutiny..... also we need phil to meet the bum fight guy again.

I don’t think I’m Borderline. Probably severely co-dependent but the abandonment issues are there and this is exactly what my exhusband did to me. “I’m busy with work, you know you need help, go get it. Stop dragging me down with you”.

Yeah, I let my mom in on some things just because I thought you know what we’re running out of time she’s 72. I would like us to have a relationship and her to know me completely but it always backfires on me. I can’t get close so so I guess I’m stuck with it and I don’t like it because I like to fix stuff i’ve always been the one to fix stuff if I have a problem I wanna make it so I can fix it and learn from it. That’s how I live my life for the last two years and that’s how long I’ve been clean off of drugs, but no matter what I do, I turned out to be the role model of all my siblings. I’ve been licensed in pest control for 27 years. I actually made a life for myself and I can get close. I want to have the same issue with my dad. I don’t even know where he lives, he thinks he’s a hippie moving from one to the next and he has nothing. It’s a trip that you love turn out that they really don’t love you one but that’s reality. I just have to accept it close to.

He knows the cluster B …

So how to tell someone who has hair triguer explosions of anger that they may benefit from therapy please?

Lmao why can’t I unsee Adam Ray 😂😂

Um, the problem is there are a lot of un qualified people telling other people "You need help!" Or they use that line as an insult for when the other person doesn't give into them. Dangerous advice there, Dr. Phil.

But at some point you have to tell the truth. Having borderline does not mean you have the right to ignore uncomfortable truths - especially if they’ve bulldozed over your boundaries

That’s my mom always trying to push one of us into the medication. Do you think she’d be more reasonable being a hippie and you think she would be more reasonable being a university professor too but she’s not she’s really unreasonable.

It’s almost like you’re talking to me even though I can’t get close. I still wanna try just because times running out. Life is short after all don’t we really wanna know our parents?

So true

Facts

How do I handle being married to someone who has BPD qualities

Was not expecting this nuance from big phil

Great. Tell us more what not to do. How about WHAT TO DO???

How about, "you spot it, you got it". Maybe there is something wrong with them?

I think this is just my opinion who is telling that person to step up and get help. Some people are very judgmental and if you don’t respect the person you’re not gonna do it.

People also don’t like it when they are emotionally abused for years. Fuck what BPD people want!

Which is going to piss me off right

There are so many better ways if you are truly trying to help someone. First off, get rid of "you" .

How many borderlines end up being part of Phills show you think?

NONSENSE, LESS TALKING MORE ENTERTAIN YOUR WIFE 😊

Triggered just by video and finger

No it sounds rude and disrespectful. The person who is waving thier finger out like an adult as if you where talking to a child. It disrepact first and only word need for that behaviour towards an other individual abults abuse they more.

So what can we do?????? 😢😢😢 We need answers PLEASE

How and what pushed u and motivate u to take the first step to the therapy? My partner just refused. So what’s the right approach pls?

Why would you ever take mental health advice from a narcissist?

So then tell what to say to them instead. Man be telling what not to say when the title is exactly the opp

Well I'm just sorry then, but that's sure as hell what I told them! It didn't do no good, cuz they think they know everything anyway. They said they had PTSD,so what I probably do too but I don't go around trying to make other people miserable.

opps. too late

You need a medical clinical doctorate

Huh ???

Sorry I don’t care anymore. I’m 65 I can say whatever I want.

You need help no doctor Phil who is not even a doctor. Honestly who would listen to a word from him