Saaaaaame.

that's a fearful avoidant, AKA disorganized or anxious avoidant.

same!

Same

You're a mixture of everything.

i know what you mean. an AP with an avoidant (FA or DA) will be thought of as super clingy. before i found out about attachment styles, i thought i was just able to love harder than most. while i have not forfeited my capacity for love, i see now that i need to have more in my life, and not depend on my woman to be the sole source of happiness for me - though, to be fair, it's only an issue when i am feeling rejected; when i get like that, i could rightly be called "crazy," though it's merely something i need to learn to feel safe talking about.

I'm not sure, but I think I'm dating an avoidant partner. I"m anxious. And we have slightly other problem - I can't be very open with him and he noticed that and it's irritating him a little. He wants me to know better, he needs it to understand, if we pass each other. But I have troubles to be open, because I don't feel secure with him. Although he is very nice, pretty kind, but a little emotionally closed and I can't tell, whether he likes me truly or just wants situationship. But now we have a deadline)) it makes me feel a little calmer

True

Exactly!!

It is a self fulfilling prophecy, how ironic.

it's a spectrum from what I understand and I bet over time people move slightly one way or another.

It is because the avoidant feels the desperation in the desire for intimacy. An avoidant will open up in a time when they feel securer in a relationship and the anxious is trusted..

I feel you. I just managed to shy an avoidant away with over texting. Never done it before, but him not responding sent me down a spiral. He broke up with me and I am heart- broken...

Same! It's been only 3 days tho And I been ignoring him

I broke up with him. Sick of the inconsistency

I'm so sorry you had to hear that 😢

This. Can empathize ...

I'm anxious style and have generalised anxiety disorder.Im always in a state of internal panic and picking fight over small things it's a subconscious way of getting a partners attention. All kind of attention is good even if its negative one.

They call that fearful avoidant, which is basically a mix of both

As an anxious, I agree that many times we find small things to pick about, but it’s not because we want space. It’s because we already feel so unseen and our needs so unmet so we keep trying to look for chances to express needs that our partner will validate and respond to positively in a way that makes us feel seen, heard, accepted and cared about. It’s try after try after try for intimacy and safety… We really do have the capacity for closeness, and we are ready and willing to go through the hard part to get to the good part at the end because we have hope in others. We have the hope that others can do what we know we can do and want to do if we only had a partner who wanted to be intimate. We want a partner that is mostly secure behaving and confident but who also has space for someone else who might be a little different. When we express needs, the avoidant cannot relate because they don’t feel their needs even though they have them. They feel that if they can’t express their needs, why should someone else even have needs, I think

Now that you know Just stay away from avoidants .. They are doomed anyway 🤷‍♀️🙄

An avoidant hardly ever dates another avoidant 🤷‍♀️🤣 Their can't be enough friction you see🙄 That's why I say avoidants are pure bastards..They need and want Love more than the anxious one but they keep it hidden to hv an upper hand in the relationship dynamic! Because they always say to the anxious.. I don't want your love..🙄Keep space.. Then why don't these motherfuckers simply date another avoidant🤣🤷‍♀️there will be ample of space🤣🤷‍♀️ given and the other avoidant will obviously not give a fuckk ever anyway so they won't hv to say I don't want your love.. 🤷‍♀️🤣🙄Filthy coward motherfuckers👊🏻🤬🤬🤬

Wanna date

@@PriyankaGupta-ew1li lmao we need to talk please, can you add me?

ikr ;-;

Update?

Me too...I was the avoidant and my ex the anxious 😢 hope you are doing better now.

@@jacqui8392 Thank you for commenting… I always feel like it’s harder for avoidance to comment for both the reason of perhaps feeling guilty for hurting the anxious, and also because it’s just that much harder for an avoidant to open up to this and express themselves and share and be vulnerable. I always want to ask the avoidant people who comment, if I could see into my husbands head, how does he really feel about me??

Any updates? :( NC Day 37

Still?

My ex called once after 1year and made the so called indirect direct approach. This lead to nothing as she did not try to move things further.and I will not do it either. Kept strong with NC otherwise. Also I do not really trust her being loyal even if we somehow got back together. Otherwise life is good just kept improving myself. Got a better job, been in better shape and some ladies are interested...

@@Electronite1978 They do love that one reach out…! Wow you sound positive and strong. Great to hear💕

@@Electronite1978 could your mistrust of your ex, be because of your avoidance? Just something to think about, hope you're doing well and keeping up with the self improvement

Any update?

You should move on. That sounds like a bullshit reason to break up. Be honest with yourself, it’s bs

"Love is crazy", Uhh this isn't love, dude. Love looks a whole lot different.

Yeah same with me 😅. Now when she is not with me i feel.for attached

She hurt me so bad and I was very anxious but I don’t think I can allow myself to have feelings again because of how she made me feel

@@benhinton4613 give it sometime man u will be fine. We all have been thought the same but it's fine u will find someone way better. Just don't loose ur confidence and self-esteem over a single person. If she hurted u bro then u should thank god else u were with a selfish person who don't even care about someone feelings. So just chill u r awesome and u will fine someone who.is awesome like.u. 😉😁

puneet jain thank you so much! Yes I already thanked Him for this protection, plus it drew my awareness to depend on Him rather than people who can use and manipulate me. I’m very blessed. I’m Eastern Orthodox, so a breakup is not too difficult for too long with the amount of support my church can give me. God bless ❤️

@@benhinton4613 that's great man i beleive u will recover soon. And beleive me use this anxiety as an power it will help u do things u never thought u could do and achieve.

I hear you!

Seems like a real anxious thing to do

An avoidant hardly ever dates another avoidant 🤷‍♀️🤣 Their can't be enough friction you see🙄 That's why I say avoidants are pure bastards..They need and want Love more than the anxious one but they keep it hidden to hv an upper hand in the relationship dynamic! Because they always say to the anxious.. I don't want your love..🙄Keep space.. Then why don't these motherfuckers simply date another avoidant🤣🤷‍♀️there will be ample of space🤣🤷‍♀️ given and the other avoidant will obviously not give a fuckk ever anyway so they won't hv to say I don't want your love.. 🤷‍♀️🤣🙄Filthy coward motherfuckers👊🏻🤬🤬🤬

Andromeda not lose interest, but the trust and respect is already lost when the avoidant pulls the trigger. How can there be love without trust and respect?

I would be happy) but I'm a woman, can't say for men

I'm like that too. I'm super anxious but don't enjoy physical intimacy that much like sex and too much cuddle. I prefer old hands or something not so physical.

Brandon Lango oh man that’s brutal! I would cut my loses financially Hun. Sublease to another renter for the duration of your lease or just move and take the hit of the penalty fee for doing so. Why did she move out but move into another place in the same complex ? Suspicious if you ask me

@@Katya7cruz well at the time it was her boss/my friend offering either one of us a room. But now looking back must be them together. Who knows? I try not to know wont do me any good! Ive lost almost 40 pounds and fit again. Going to therapy as well!

Brandon Lango Oh ok. Good for you ! That’s amazing ! 💕 I would get out of there it’s just going to make you crazy what if you see her with a guy who could just be a friend you haven’t met but it will set you back. I wonder if a clean break isn’t best. So you can really evaluate if she is someone you are meant to be with. When you are so close to the situation it’s hard to see it clearly. Believe me I get you. I just got an amazing job offer in the little ski town where my ex lives ( we split 3 weeks ago) and I’m so torn to take it because I feel like it will set me back if I run into him which is likely but the money is so tempting. Ugh Maybe you are stronger then me. And you can live there❤️

As an anxious myself, if they left and you're the avoidant it's because you werent meeting their needs of closeness and intimacy. If you truly want them back and to be with them, you need to show up and be consistent with meeting their needs. Be honest and open about your fears and explain why you want distance/space from them sometimes and it's nothing personal. Arrange a strategy so when you need that distance you can let them know before you take the space that youre going to do it. My avoidant ex would always take space and time which I knew he wanted and needed but it hurt that he never communicated it to me so I always felt in the wrong. Just let them know its nothing to do with them and you HAVE to be consistent. You can't let them know you need space sometimes and then other times just disappear without telling them. I feel as an anxious, especially myself, we just want to feel INCLUDED in your life and your decisions. We dont want to make them for you, we just want to feel involved. And pushing us away makes us feel excluded and abandoned from your life, especially if theres no reason or explanation. Hopefully this can help, but essentially just show up and be vulnerable about your fears and feelings, anxious love talking about that and will really appreciate it.

Because insecure attachment + insecure attachment = sparks and fireworks. Whereby insecure attachment + secure attachment = no sparks, boring.

@@abundance8074 truth

I have noticed, that there're not so many people with secure attachment. And they aren't so interested and connected with anxious) and avoidant at the beginning can be very interested

No kissing or sex before marriage..... I think I know why he gets what he lacks some place else:)

Omg babe no you shouldn’t give up ! You should hit him with your luggage on the way out the door and not give up on yourself ! He is emotionally cheating with an ex! If you want to save yourself for marriage that is your right! Don’t feel bad that he is “forced” to resort to other avenues to meet his sexual needs. What about when you are pregnant or sick and can’t have sex after you marry him then he will need to go find someone who can ? He isn’t over her and you deserve someone who can’t get enough of you ❤️

Mansur Zaman May I ask why? Of course you are entitled to your opinion as am I to mine but I am curious which part of mine you disagree with and why.

You need to leave him idk what possessed you to pick up after you sister... Eww.... He has issues you can do better. Treat yourself sweetie.

Saving sex for marriage is good and proper, but no kissing? Not kissing at all, would be a deal breaker for me.