Had a sad situation recently where someone was 100 percent convinced their ex was not coming back. Stopped doing the work… their ex came back. And it fell apart quickly again. Do the work for YOURSELF! Not based on what is currently going on with your ex, things can change VERY quickly at times

Don't settle for just friendship if your intentions are romantic. You really don't want to be in a position to get front row seats to seeing them date someone else if/when it happens.

Mine wanted to be friends. I said no. Then she said fwb with “no timeline to get back together.” I said no again. I’m a good guy who puts in effort and treats people right. I deserve someone who wants to build a relationship.

Man, it's so damn hard to shut them down when they offer friendship and say they don't want to lose you... I still love my ex to bits (4th week of NC on both ends) and she'll always be dear to my heart, but I knew better than to willingly step into this purgatory. I hope she comes around, but I'm not holding my breath. And neither should you.

A hard no on becoming an ex's orbiter or emotional pillow. Why should they get to have their cake and eat it too? You don't owe someone a friendship just because you were once romantically connected. Have strength and self-respect and walk away.

I made the mistake of saying that I don‘t want to be friends, but stayed in contact and for him its nothing more but staying in contact. He cant even define what friendship means for him. I just got more miserable over time, he is breadcrumbing me and its like breaking up over and over again and it hurts to see in how many ways he has other priorities. The relationship is on his terms only and that leaves me feeling even more powerless. So just dont be friends.

You can’t be friends with someone you love.

Ex literally kept breaking contact numerous times to remain friends. Finally told her a week ago that I didn’t want to be just friends, and she felt really hurt and thought it was a bit extreme. Didn’t want to stop talking after our breakup either. Messaged me yesterday again to ask if I changed my mind, but still didn’t give in to friendship. 🤷🏽‍♂️ not happening.

Loving these early morning videos. I can listen on my way to work, and reflect during the day on the information. ♡

Many times, the "Friendzone", even with someone who was "just" a friend, is exactly that - mixed messages, sometimes sex, hints that it may one day soon turn romantic. I always recall The Offspring's "Self Esteem" when hearing the term.

After 3 years she left me. I made all the mistakes after the break up and pushed her further away. I went no contact and focused on me. 2 months into therapy and 2 months of no contact. A week ago I sent her a clean message and went back into no contact. I'm focused on me and focused on being better. And now because of it I'm moving to the US (I'm from Canada) to go and play college football, I'm 20. Life gets better people. Just keep your chin up and focus on you!

Please listen to coaches Craig and Victoria. My ex broke up with me 3 years ago and insisted on being friends. Throughout all this years, I lied to myself thinking that I'd do it but the truth is that I was lying to myself. About 2 or 3 weeks ago, he told me that he has a girlfriend and I'd see in his eyes that he is in love with this woman. It crushed me. I stopped being friends with him. I now understand that he wants to be my friend because he cares about me but he doesn't love me in a romantic way. I choose to be in this situation and I take full responsibility for my actions. I'd have done what's best for me and not try to be friends with him. I didn't do right by myself 3 years ago but I sure do now. Everybody, please take care of yourselves ❤ Don't lie to yourselves and be brave

This is one of your best videos! This is timely, and helping maintain my focus. When I think of my ex, I tell myself that I'm in the long game, and that I need to create mystery, and anxiety in her. She has texted me, and I kept it friendly and brief without revealing any information. "Hi. Good morning! Thanks for the well wishes. Have a great start to your week as well." ...so nothing personal revealed other than I'm alive, and communication is still open. Btw...it took me well over an hour to respond! I typically used to respond within minutes at most. Thank you for sharing your great advice of not accepting friendship, nor a relationship on her terms...yes, it is easy to fall into. THANKS.

Thank you!!!!So appreciate this!!Making the decision to not be his friend was a very difficult decision after he broke NC.....but as you always say, " you need to put yourself first"....

I listened on the walk to work. My ex(close to 1 year now) keeps pushing for friendship. I adamantly refused twice because I get the feeling he's either trying to cancel his own guilt or make himself look better in public. I WILL NOT accept this. Thamks for another great vifeo.

Went through a break up two weeks ago. My ex said he still wants to be friends- it’s super confusing. I’ve never gone through a breakup and then BAM- friends. I need time to process, grieve and heal. It feels like he’s just trying to keep me in his life. It’s just so odd to me.

You definitely cannot be friends with exes...Exes act weird after they give u the friendship card...they cannot be the same with you and it’s awkward. They act cold and say hurtful comments such as “I’m happy on my own”. I have always said no to friendship with exes, but my last one tried to convince me to stay friends but I just ended up feeling rejected all over again and hurt by his texts that he felt happy being free and on his own. The communication via text the first 2 weeks after the breakup was making me anxious and mentally ill. He started commenting on my status on social media and turning it around and trying to make me feel guilty for the breakup when it was him who ended it! I finally blocked him. I feel so much better! It’s definitely sad to never talk to your best friend again but honestly it’s too painful in the beginning to try to be their friend. Maybe after the hurt has passed in a few years!

My Ex wanted me to be friends too period I did that for a while. But then I realized it wasn't working for me. He was still trying to tell me what to do. He moved on and found another girlfriend period it made me awkward to be around him. I realized later that hes probably somewhat of a narcissist and wanted to have his cake Eat it too. I'm glad i'm not around him anymore. He had no respect for me

My ex and I met up a month ago. She told me she still loves me and suggested the we were working on ourselves for each other and getting back together, but she's hot and cold and flip flops while telling me I'm not communicative enough, but I am making all the effort to communicate and she wants me to go see her, but doesn't even want to sleep in the same bed. So, I'm over the uncertainty and lack of commitment, so I'm leaving it be. I've made it very clear that I want a relationship with her. I've organised a referral for mental health therapy, so I'm doing the work.

Ive been separated 18 months from my ex husband, I’ve tried being the friend thinking that would draw him back but it just gave him the opportunity to sleep with whoever he wanted & still had his kids & home on the side. Now I feel like I blew my window of opportunity. And I feel like I wasted almost 2 years of my life being the fool. I guess it’s time to open my eyes and accept my marriage of 8 years is over 😔

It's not just still loving them and missing them there is the subconscious part when you do spend time with them as well. When I spend time with my ex I have this peace and happiness that I then realise I don't have when they aren't around no matter who I spend time with. It's like there's a massive hole and they just fill it up and no-one else can do it. Now before you say that this is love and it will go away with time I have to point out that that is why I fell in love with her in the first place. We were friends and we got on so well together, I didn't realise I loved her until she went on holiday one time. We got together because we got on so well together and were best friends and then gradually fell in love in the background. She filled that hole that no one else has ever been able to do. Giving up her friendship is difficult because I don't think I will ever be as truly happy with anyone else without her.

My ex and I met up today after 7-weeks since she broke up with me. I initially thought that she was misleading me about being terminally ill as her sister had told me that it wasn't true. Our meet up today went well. Despite me trying to not focus on the break-up, she took the conversation that way. I found out that she is due to get a hysterectomy in a couple of weeks to stop her cancer from spreading and she is quite devastated about it as she's always wanted, children. I felt that she was being honest and she was in tears a couple of times while talking about her health. She has said that while she is dealing with health issues that she can only offer friendship. I could tell that she still cares and she even stated that if it wasn't for her health, we wouldn't have broken up. I do want to support her in her health battle and since she feels that I didn't show my emotions and affection enough during the relationship, I don't want her thinking that I'm just walking away. Should I accept friendship to support her in this?

My ex is always asking How are you. It's so frustrating. So, now I should make my boundaries clear

No friendship allowed, no matter how much you crave it.

I will not except friendship after a relationship. That’s not going to happen! I have more self respect ✊ then to settle for crumbs. I asked him to delete my number and have a nice life. Done!!!!

This is gonna be hella awkward if she comes back to work with me and I tell her I don’t wanna friends…

My ex girlfriend and I got together yesterday after 27 days of no contact. She told me she is feeling depressed and hasn’t been Erin herself but still feels like she wants to get in a better place and heal but also doesn’t want to be in a relationship with anyone for a while. We both told each other that we love each other and want to be in each others lives. She told me that she doesn’t want to put hope in my head but that there could be potential for us to get back in the future.

My soon to be ex-husband propose that we should still go on dates and hook up but basically just doesn’t want to deal with my kids and all the other stuff that comes with marriage… that’s a hard PASS! 🤣

Excellent TED talk, coach V 👏🏼 great point RE: friendzone

Narcissists don't want to lose their supply.

I was friends with my ex for four months starting from the day he broke up with me. He wanted it and I couldn’t let go. I started to feel in emotional limbo so I told him he needed to make a decision and if he can’t commit right now I’m moving on, it’s not healthy for me anymore. Unfortunately he couldn’t make his mind up and so I told him that I don’t want contact and need to heal. I hope I didn’t screw up by stating that I wanted no contact. I just needed him to understand the consequences of his decision. I’m afraid now that he won’t reach out

Hello Coach Craig ! I'm watching your videos resently and I think they're amazing ! Is it possible for you to make video about first relationship , first breakeup and how they can affect future relationships ? Wish you all the best ! (Sorry if there are any mistakes. My english is not good. )

So before I found your channel and figured myself out. I asked my ex if she wanted to be friends out of anxiety and she said no, but we’ll be acquaintances. Is that a good thing or a bad thing??? 10 months no contact and just yesterday she removed me from all of social media. Hopefully not all hope is gone.

My LDR partner and I seem to be in an Anxious Avoidant Trap scenario, she had lost "feelings" late August so I told her I'm not going to be friends etc. She came back 4 days later. We had been dancing around "feelings" since then until last Friday night when she went out with friends and all her inhibitions left her with cute words and emojis which hasn't been forthcoming recently. The following Sunday I said in a nice kind way that I liked that she showed her feelings openly, which has subsequently made her to say she's "afraid to express her feelings and go back to the conversations" so back to no contact for me again...

How does one do no contact if you you've been married for 15 years and co-parent a teenage daughter? What to do when you can't stay away from communication and seeing each other?

Needed this so bad today

i want to get back with him.. but i didn't tell him my intentions.. i told him that i really appreciate if he stop relpying to my stories because it's hurting me.. and he agreed.. will he come back again? :(

Staying friends with my ex was my original intent, which is why I gave her access to my streaming service. Should I take her off it now? And what should be my move if I were to do that?

Love this video.

I know it's going to hurt me so much to say to him I don't want to be friends anymore

Love coach Victoria !!!

Hi Craig, can you do a video on if securely attached exes come back?

When they text after 3 years that they miss you and still love you, then disappear after a month, ghosted. So difficult and confusing. Back in no contact again.

in nature, there are (very) few happy endings. instead, there's a continuing. when the river returns, survivors will replenish its banks, and the great cycle of life and renewal will begin again!

Wait.. I'm confused. Coach Craig, didn't you say that when ex contacts us by texting, we should answer and be light, playful, simple? and eventually even flirt to build that romance connection again? Then, how do we know if he wants to see you again, does all the flirting and (maybe sex?) after break up and then still not wanna commit and say "oh but we're just friends"? Like.. didn't you say in another video that they could be 'indirect' and be like, 'oh i'm not sure yet, we're still friends' to test the water.. then how do I react?

What if my ex wants to see me in person but im confused cause I think it’s a friendly meet up?

Craig watches the John campion show that's something Robert said on his show, "you don't get what you want you get what you negotiate" 😂

I guess I was afraid to not except the friends offer I need to end that because still now he text me only when he needs something

Love this

What do you mean 2 weeks is a long time? It's been 2 years since my break up 😭

That's what my x said he wanted to be really really good friends

They txt, what do I do, in details!!!

She told me "I miss you, but if you want friendship, I am here for you". Prior she saying that to me: We met and kiss, even slept together. Then we did NC for 2 months. Then she was liking my social media posts. Mixed signals all over the place. I allow her to put me in this situation and also decided to end it, was affecting my mental health. Trust this video guys, politely reject her offer and leave the door open.

He wouldn't even text me if he didn't need help with something

Simple question? You always mention the indirect direct cat thing! What if we bought a dog together and hasn't asked about the dog in 2 months? Is she over me?

We argue she told me she needs time, so i start no contact, after 2 weeks told me she wants to break up, shes feels calmer without me, then she blocked ME.When relief stage really started? Any chance to miss me with time if i go into no contact?

I was wondering if you could do a video on what would happen if you broke no contact multiple times, such as stalking or contacting their friends once in three months. Does that really completely seal things off? or does it slow the process instead?

I don't think any men in this comment thread define the "friendzone" as "This woman is just using me for sex and I'm sad about it." That's called best case scenario.

Craig, can someone who has very deep Avoidant tendencies become Anxious? Please make a video about this and how it might happen

I need help. My ex asked me to be friends but I feel like it’s not what I want. I actually work with them so we have constant communication. I’m trying my best to avoid them as best as I can.

How do you know if you're slipping into the friendzone though?

might wanna fix the volume

Never be friends with an x!

I'm sure it's been said before, but Victoria is so damn cute! :)

First 🥇