If I was getting therapy. I would want a therapists natural reaction. It's the lack of emotional connection that causes so many problems for me, and arguably for everyone in my opinion.

The only good psychiatrist I’ve had once cried for me, and I loved her for it. It didn’t feel inappropriate, manipulative, or unprofessional, it felt empathic. In retrospect, she was a credit to her profession.

When the therapist cries with you it is a very strong validation that the therapist not only "gets" you but validation that you are human who is allowed to cry about horrible things that happen/ed in your life and that you are not just being a drama queen or just looking for attention and should snap out of it. It can be powerfully therapeutic and validating. On the other hand, when your therapist shows no emotion, it is then easier to go home and beat the living daylights out of yourself for being so incredibly weak. It also speaks volumes to the fact that your therapist is cold, distant and judgemental of you, your feelings and process. I would not want a therapist to cry often but when the level of pain you feel inside warrants compassion, you connect very deeply with the person who feels your pain (the therapist) and who is still willing to unselfishly and supportive continue to work with you, despite how difficult it is for the them to continue working with you. It creates a massive sense of respect within the client for the therapist, and can be healing within itself.

Daniel. I have a great deal of respect for you. I am a 66 yo male who has been in therapy my entire life. I never cried in therapy and seldom outside of it despite the fact I was sexually abused by my older sister and emotionally abused by my father and perhaps my mother. I would have appreciated it if my therapists would have helped me deal with my trauma including helping me to cry. If my therapists cried I would have seen that it was ok to cry as a man, a message I never ever got from people who either were supposed to love me or help me. Thanks for discussing this important issue.

You've been putting these out like pearls on a string lately, it's hella appreciated

Many years ago, when I've told my story to the therapist, and started crying, he cried also with me. That was very helpfull!

My life is full of horror stories.. when a person cried in front of me, I understood on some deep level that I went through something terrible .. It was just the beginning.. of my recovery.. because most people didn’t care, and therapists are stone faced. It’s like I’m not even talking to a human being. ~ Different people require different therapeutic approach. And different therapists have different modalities .. We are not machines, one size does not fit all.. ✨😎🌞

It is said "crying washes the soul"

when my therapist started crying i felt guilty ; i was thinking i ruined their day or affected them too much

Most ppl aren't empaths or even compassionate at best! I'm an empath and super sensitive and I would totally understand and probably feel good if my therapist cried w me!! ❤🙏🕉

Once I saw my therapist almost cry. I loved that he had so much compassion towards me. It made me feel very seen. I dont feel seen very often and by many people. There is something healing about that

I love your compassion, empathy and authenticity. You should cry if that is your authentic reaction. If you don’t cry I question your emotional connection to the patient’s suffering.

Another wonderful video Daniel. I was a nurse fron 84-03 I cried (with) families & individual patients. My first 10&1/2 years of nursing was oncology, i did alot of crying (& believe it or not laughing) with people. What an exhilarating experience! I also saw people will themselves to live( no matter how dire the situation) or die. In my experience this all goes WAAAAAY BEHYYYYYYYYOND the practice of medicine!! Peace to all 😌🌈🎼🎹🎶🎵🎈

I felt uncomfortable when my therapist cried as I felt bad for upsetting them with my problems

The most profound thing I ever experienced with a therapist was when she cried with me. It was so touching. It didn't bother me at all. It was actually healing for me because I realized I wasn't crazy for experiencing what I did.

Daniel, I really admire you for this. Most therapists I had were cold as stone. They didn’t even blink when I cried, never mind crying along with me.

There are many ways of expressing empathy and compassion without crying. There may be circumstances when it is appropriate but I’m not convinced it’s in the best interest of the client. It is my experience that clients are looking for strength in moments of extreme pain, and I think it’s important that we communicate that to them. We can give witness to their pain without becoming overwhelmed by it. The primary challenge for the therapist is in responding to the client in a way that acknowledges their pain/struggle. Authentic compassion comes in many forms.

Over the years I have had therapists eyes fill with tears, but not cry openly. That made me feel more connected to them.

Empathy is supportive, support in healing. Thanks for crying with your clients, when you felt it was useful, Daniel.

Love your videos! Please keep them coming. You're a very powerful soul and human being.

I think you're a beautiful human being Daniel. Thank you.

Old video but one of my fiance's biggest therapeutic moments was when her therapist told her that he reflected deeply about a very sad incident she explained and that it really impacted him because no one should go through that. As a therapist I had similar reaction with just my face sometimes that led to the client saying "I'm glad you know bad it was for me". Even if it led to a negative client reaction, that's perfect material to discuss since if relating something personally sad touched another person and that triggers a negative response it does speak to there being an underlying relational mechanism in the client that makes them jump away from even negative effecting others.

I never thought about what you said here. I’m about to see clients soon and this is so important to know, thanks so much. I have cried after my shift is over, specially through my very first internship at a crisis line. On the other hand, some callers also made me laugh a ton.

you are the new era of theraphists-its call healing is feeling-therphist also have emotional baggage-both sides heal-when the theraphist is feeling and allowing with out judging thier own emotional baggge they can be very effective- when you care from the heart healing is effective-generations suppressed emotions and feelings-which gave birth to emotional trauma--ending that era-

Thanks for expanding on this issue here, Daniel. Recently, a fellow student clinician told me that one of her clients gave her feedback that it stressed her out when my friend would "look like she was about to cry" when she was listening to her talk. It really depends on the individual client. As therapists, we aim to be sensitive to and considerate of who the client is/their background and also anticipate their needs. It's true though that sometimes you'll try something with the best of intentions thinking it will be helpful and it surprises you to discover that it didn't land well. It's all part of learning and it takes great courage to make mistakes and keep on growing. Sometimes it's hard to know how to react, or to know the best way to respond - just in general. The biggest learning curve for me as a student has been learning how to not take things clients say and do personally. Some of the time, I do need to examine what my role/responsibility is the in the interaction, but a lot of the time it's probably transference/countertransference. It would be awesome to hear from you, your thoughts on countertransference as it's such a complex concept.

Daniel, your videos sparked my first interest and love in psychotherapy. I have now started my Masters in Psychotherapy here in Australia, and just the other day we were speaking about crying with clients. My lecturers, all practising therapists themselves, emphasised how it can sometimes be useful. Overall, the course staff are so supportive in that, as new therapists, we'll make mistakes. It's so fantastic to hear your progress in so many facets of your experiences as a therapist, and encourages me to not go into this with a perfectionistic and intensely self critical view that won't help clients at all. Thanks again for your continual honesty and insight.

That there is a therapist with enough good will and compassion to offer a client a genuine display of empathy is humanity seen on very few.

Yeah, I have a lot of mixed feelings about a therapist crying in a session. I don’t want to feel like I’m responsible for their feelings as well as my own, especially if I’m already overwhelmed at the time. I’d rather they show it in other ways at a less emotionally charged time, to be honest. There’s a lot of ways to show empathy or emotions without tears. I have a lot of trauma I’ve stuffed down over the years, so it can get overwhelming pretty quickly. Thanks again, Daniel, for your thorough discussion of this subject. Great stuff.

I think the best therapists ARE more empathic and can feel the emotions. I am empathic and I know I appreciated it when a therapist would be empathetic with me. And when I am being there for another person or animal as the case may be, I know they were grateful to see that I really did care enough to be in line with how they were feeling. It to me shows you can REALLY understand what they are going through at a deeper level than a textbook checklist of appropriate and officially sanctioned responses. Shows you are human and not some Big Pharma talking head. I applaud you! Yes, it is more healing to have someone who can really GET what the other is going through. You are a healer during this process. You allow others to do their own healing because they feel safe in doing so.

A gem of a video, on so many levels. Thank you, Daniel, for your wisdom and compassion in all that you share on this platform. A therapist's crying with a client is a spectrum and a deep process for both. Some clients may be left horrified or ashamed for their therapist and themselves, while others may feel blessed for their therapist's empathy. With so many nuances in-between. Thank you for touching upon these subtleties.

I find that my crying or tearing up with clients only ever seems to occur when their emotions are too shut down for them to even notice the significance of the situation. For example, I had a teenage client, whose parents had difficulty valuing him. He made passing comments that were so painful to hear because he did not consciously notice the indifference they felt toward him. How they would tell him they loved him and do things that contradicted that and somehow twisted on him. Its was his passing acceptance that was more heart breaking and emotional then if he would have cried. Those are the emotional moments in therapy for me. If they are crying they know what happened which means they have come through the tragedy and need strength. Its when they don't even see it, but feel it as it bleeds into other parts of their lives that I have the urge to cry.

Ty Daniel. So real!! So important to discuss. Nowadays they have parents being instructed to not show emotion to also be a blank slate to our children's, even our adult children's circumstances. I think this needs to be discussed more openly and translated to parent support of their children even when they deeply are afraid for their child's health and decisions.... crying can be loving too. What kind of an adult can be completely unaffected by another's suffering or poor decisions..like suicide as an example. ? How does that convey concern?

You have compassion! It's very difficult for a sensitive person to not get over involved with a client. People who are highly compassionate can reach burnout really fast. This happens to me all the time. I think if you'd pursue a profession as a life coach you'd have more freedom and a greater chance to help people without being so restricted. Noone is perfect. We keep on learning and better our services. The most important thing is that the therapist cares.

Sometimes when I was revealing my normal when I was a child (but it wasn't), my therapist's face shows the sadness and emotion at the abuse that I am re-telling factually. I have never had anyone show me so clearly that what was my normal was as abusive as I felt it to be at the time but had never had acknowledgement of from anyone else. It doesn't happen that often but I did find it validating.

Wow Daniel, really impressed by your level of consciousness. My own experience is that a crying therapist could trigger uncertainty, anxiety or doubt by a client in the early phase of treatment. Especially for the clients who were mishandled during childhood and have therefore an issue of mistrust. If a client is able to acknowledge - allow the empathy come inside -and appreciate it, I would say that the client is on true path of recovery. And, you mentioned 'third eye', I see it as your 'higher self'. 还有一个个人问题，你为什么总是穿一样的衬衫？ 🤔

SofiaBayo For me, i would have felt overwhealmed if my therapist cried with me. Part of my childhood trauma is taking respinsibilitu for my parents emotions, so i need a therapist who can hold me in my emotions, without falling apart themselves. So i would not like Daniel as a therapist. I would probably think that he is sympathetic, but not empathetic. Imagine a parent who walks in to their childs room at night, because the child is crying and wanting the parent to come in and comfurt them. If the parent starts to cry themselves, who is there to give the child a lullaby and a safe space? That is why its inappropiate. But i like Daniel as a person.

Thanks! That really gave me a new insight! I'm a social worker and I never cry with clients. Very interesting!

Thank you for making this video! Therapists should offer clients an authentic connection and be able to engage in the clients emotions and history. That sometimes mean therapists inevitably will cry witnessing their clients pain. Just as with the attachment bond between parent and child, the therapist should mirror the clients emotions and states in a way that the client feels him/herself know from within, that the therapist is able to "feel with" the client but also, at the same time, communicating that the therapists experience is still different from the clients experience. The therapist cries tears of "feeling with", but does not feel the direct grief, despair and pain that belongs to the patient. Talking about why one as a therapist starts to cry listening to a clients story, I believe is valuable for the client. F.i. saying "I started to cry now because I can see how alone you must have felt, having no one to protect you".

i’m sorry the world is the way it is to those of us who live as fiercely honest like this. i am compelled so strongly to be authentic. and i just see so much authentic in you that is refreshing

Hey Daniel. In your videos you mention the phenomenon of “acting out”. Can you explain what this really means? I love your videos!

Thanks for this video! This is important info for life coaches as well.

Very helpful video. In therapy it helped me that I saw my therapists eyes get watery. Obviously she was taught not to cry, so she didn't. But when I saw that in her eyes, I knew it was ok for me to cry. Finally. So yeah.. it really depends. I think she could have cried a little bit, not too overwhelming, but just seeing it in her eyes that she wanted to was enough for me to be ok with my feelings. Now I can cry again. I cry a lot lately and I love it. Haha 💙💙💙

I noticed my therapist shed a tear twice and I don't know what I said but I was worried it might be about something else like what if someone he knows died but he could have been crying for me. It doesn't bug me but it makes me more aware of the crying that I'm not able to do...

I had a therapist once who cried with me. I found it very validating. We would do eye-gazing exercises too. There was something very powerful about having that connection with a therapist. She also even told me once that she loved me, which I can see might not be an appropriate thing for everyone, but for me I knew what she meant and it helped me.

As someone training to be a counselor I appreciate you making this video. I have been nervous about how empathetic I am to those who are struggling. I notice I cry when I connect to someone who is expressing pain. I fear my empathy will cause me to look unprofessional.

You are probably the best therapist out there. You are so healthy, you don't get offended when people disagree with you. Jesus never got offended. He knew who He was. He was empathetic and introspective and tried to see things from other's point of view. That is how to be a good therapist and a good person. I work with men in rehab centers who have never allowed themselves or been allowed to cry...that pain turns into anger or addictions. We have been given tear ducts for a reason and we all need for men to realize that it is the most healthy thing to do...cry for your pain. Crying dissipates anger.

I love everything you had to say in this vid. You're always so astute and thoughtful. As such an empathic person, I imagine it was very difficult for you NOT to cry. I'm impressed that you discovered and were able to use that "third eye" technique, in order to block the tears. I recently had a friend reveal to me that he was suffering from a profound, emotional and spiritual crisis. He was completely losing his sh%t; he was barely able to speak, due to so much crying. He was in a lot of pain. Even though he is one of my dearest friends, whom I love very much, I somehow managed NOT to cry when he was losing it. I just had an intuitive sense that if I started crying, we would both go off a cliff. I felt that I needed to just be listen to him. I felt that the catharsis had to be his alone, and that I was (as you said in the video) the one in charge. Days later, after he was in a place where he could hear what I had to say, I told him why I didn't "go there" and how hard that was for me. He understood.

Smart and logical analysis

Tears/crying is an emotional release, but the question is: how much insight is gleaned in the process? If no insight, then you are left with a temporary relief on an emotional level and not much more.

Very discerning, you put a lot of thought into that vid. Thanks.

Dearest Danile, I suggest that the key guideline is that your attention is fundamentally on the client,. If you maintain that, you are moving attention away from your painful memories, and that in itself might not just allow but even require that you cry.. The guideline is all you need.

Omg i wish my therapist cried infront of clients because it's like talking to.a robot

Daniel is a rockstar.

I would feel much better if my therapist cried because my abusers and the people who did nothing about it acted like there was nothing wrong so if someone is crying then i feel like my feelings are validated.

Daniel thank you so much for your video's and insights. Im working through my childhood trauma's intensive since 10 years but started long time before. I did some therapy with regular therapist but did not really understand sometimes theire ways of doïng and working, observing and or understanding. Through your video's and others I can make more sense. For me it makes sense to show my empathy to someone sharing, also with a tear. I think this is healthy. Not to be overwhelmed since this would not be helpfull. Like a healthy parent. I think probably the therapy is also leading to healthy self reparenting. But it's a good point to ask the client before maybe 😁 about how he or she thinks and or feels about cryīng 🙄💗

Narcissists will sometimes feel contempt for you if you cry for them, or even empathize with them, and especially those at the more toxic end of the true narcissistic spectrum. Those in victim/martyr mode will likely feel vindicated, as they believe no one suffers more than they do. This can be true for the do-gooder (communal) narcissist who is a philanthropist and rescuer. A sociopath will see crying as a weakness...never cry in front of a sociopath if you can help it. They *love* destroying people. Borderlines generally appreciate others feeling empathy for them. Keep in mind their wildly vacillating emotions can effect that. My borderline much-older (14 years) sister once physically attacked me in a rage for telling her that I wish I could take her pain from her. She lunged at me with a ferocity that made me call for help, get on an airplane and not speak to her again for the next 6-8 years.

Agreed. I felt uncomfortable at first seeing my therapist getting a reaction to what I said, but it was because I was comfortable being numb on my feelings. I was still in that state where I felt it was more safe to not feel or react to anything. But it was also very important to see some tears in my therapists eyes or a worried face expression, that made me reflect on how I really feel about these things I'm telling. Without that it would've just been a robot-like conversation where I tell about stuff and someone just listens, without any reactions or emotions, without any real human connection. I really needed that connection, although it felt uncomfortable at first. Without it the therapy would've never been able to help.

This is a bit sad I mean what does crying really mean ? weakness ? Submission ? Is it this masculinity centric patriarchal world that condemns all emotions other than joy and Rage ? Why can’t we just be honest and emotional at times ? I’d say I prefer 1000 times more my bf to cry than lash out and insult me or other ppl ! Anger is always the last cry for help and it’s actually much more weakness in it than in crying and showing tears! When I was in therapy my therapist was very caring and attentive but I also have wished he would ask if I need a hug or just hand holding OFC in a non sexual way. I wish he would just ask... cuz Id never dare to... it’s so sad how everyone knows that physical non sexual contact improves mental health and helps you cope... its never really happening. Idk maybe I’m too utopian here, but I think it wouldn’t be a bad thing if the circumstances are given... and the person already is opening up and in tears... well whatever hope this doesn’t come off as creepy 😣

Your therapist crying with you is a green flag. Has absolutely NOTHING to do with boundaries. Empathy is rare.

I am currently studying to become a mental health counselor. I know for a fact that I will tear up when my clients share touching/emotional things. It is so hard for me to hold back my tears!! I cry almost every day: movies, songs, stories. I feel like I haven't been allowed to cry in my youth, as a matter of fact my mother used to shame me for crying. So yeah, I have a lot of tears in me. And I am concerned that it will hinder me in my future mental health profession. I still have a couple of years to go with my graduate studies, maybe I should try and expell as many tears/emotions out untill then???

My ex therapist would tear up with me and I didn’t mind. Can you talk more about mirroring and inform consent.

Outstanding video.

I understand this completely. As a 911 operator, I sometimes feel so much empathy for my callers. I'm choking back tears and trying to be professional but you cannot help but care for these people. It's what makes us human, I guess. I would want to feel like my therapist cared too.

grief opens up the heart chakra hey Daniel great topic

Nothing more helpful than a real human therapist with real emotions. Fuck the cold stale "professionals."

When my therapist cried I thought I must have reminded her of something sad in her life. I could never cry in therapy but I really like this video its very interesting.

Beautiful.

I tear up with mine too. It means I’m human. I won’t let them beat that out of me.

No shame in making mistakes, and trying to learn from them. No shame in crying. It's a physical release like any other release. It's just built up emotion. Crying is purely spontaneous and never forced. Sometimes it's hard to hold back tears. It sounds like you try to sense whether your client would like you to cry. I think that's good and can be helpful for your client. Maybe being a therapist helps you to understand your own issues. Two way therapy. :)

i didn't listen to this video all the way to completion but this is the first time i disagree---to be an adult does not equate with not crying----crying tears are just a normal part of emotion---I just don't think crying is that big of a deal and why crying is taboo almost, needs to be explored in therapy also

I want to cry but i cant

I love my tharapist and I think she does a wonderful job, but I really really wish she would cry with me

I wish u were my therapist .

You are going madly deep with those

The same with my therapist.

I’m jealous of Daniels ex clients, because he isn’t my therapist

I think it is not so much about the crying, but more about the kind of crying and what the therapist lets it do with him. Because if a single tear is coming up and just rolling down your cheek, then I think it is okay to do that most of the time. But the most important thing is that the therapist must be able to hold his ground, to not go into a state, where he is to overwhelmed to be able to be there for the client. As for clients who don´t even like that I think it is a sign that they have to learn to accept their own feelings and I would argue that it is actually very paradox: A therapist should guide you into being comfortable with expressing your feelings naturally again, because that´s the only way you can heal, but so many therapists block their natural emotions, because they say it is inappropriate to cry or be angry or whatever and what they actually should be is a role model. My therapist would even pretend that he is not angry not wanting to hurt me, but it just lead me into distrusting him. And I think it is not always a good thing if the therapist feels the same emotions as the client, because if the client gets stuck in their emotions, which typically they will, because the have a lot of blockades still, so would the therapist. It´s rather better to have a kind of resonance, but with someone who doesn´t get overwhelmed and can still comfort.

Insightful!

Therapy can come in many forms,I've cried with my circle of girlfriends,women in general share a lot and offload.I think it's difficult for men to open up as they see it as a sign of weakness.

What kind of questions should my therapist be asking me?

Janov had found that in general, when patients lose control and are taken over by recovered memory, they wanted and needed some assurance that what was happening to them was OK. As Janov put it, they needed the strength of the therapist to get thru the relived memory. But that was said with a lot of experience on Janov's part. Daniel Mackler was learning from scratch because psychology and psychiatry do not even mention recovered memory as a viable practice cause they work for the CIA to suppress the memories coming up out of MK Ultra mind control victims. Dan, you are authentic and s self-pioneer. I would say from all things read, learned, and examined, that each person is different but that staying composed and listening is the way to go. and by the way, there are books by those who treat mind control victims, who also tend to be victims of Satanic ritual abuse. They use most of the techniques that Janov used, bu they add a support system loosely based on Alcoholics anon. They also make themselves available to Mind control victims at near any time by phone and as much as possible, by visits, too. Because these types have been so extremely abused, their needs are also exceptionally big. Recovering is a very difficult process for those types. A good place to start with with a classic, Daniel Ryder's Breaking the Circle of Satanic ritual abuse. And my site: truth1.org/2-psychology.htm and truth1.org/2-hx_watch.htm

I just realized you wear the same shirt in all your videos! Its a look

Brilliant ending

I need a therapist but not be too distant. If someone got misty eyes I would be ok; but yea, if you cry a lot I would appreciate it but at the same time feel uncomfortable

I would appreciate a therapist who might cry if I cry...why not?

We are not perfect beings if we were we would be god and we are not God

This got me deep as usual, I understand both avenues. After you cried with them, did you ever get someone then cry even harder ? Shocked that you cared

Compassion aid healthy end of.

I don't understand fully what crying really means, and I'm at a complete loss when trying to explain the social taboo against crying (and I suppose it has plenty to do with unacknowledged trauma, a subject you've addressed here recently). Years ago, I knew a practitioner of Buddhist meditation who went on fairly long retreats, for weekends or even for a week at a time; and he once told me that after days of meditation, for hours a day in large halls, some people would sit, still meditating, with tears streaming down their faces. I assume that had something to do with the "opening of the heart," as the Dalai Lama might say (by the way, I think you're too hard on him). Anyway, crying is an interesting phenomenon; and were I to begin studying it, I suspect that societal repression of emotion would be an excellent place to start.

Sidenote not related you wore this shirt in so many videos how many same shirts do you have😂

❤️

Never mind d the naysayers......forge your own path

Crying no doubt helps the client, but what does it do to the therapist over time? I see empathy as a spectrum from 0-100% and you take on as much empathy as you need to understand their suffering, appreciate what kind of acceptance and response they need to hear in the moment, and to make them feel cared for. Empaths will repeatedly use a percentage that is "too high" and can blur boundaries and drain the individual. A balance of care and pragmatism needs to be used. I wish we could be infinitely caring. I wish I had a therapist like you but I'm sure it was a big (too big?) sacrifice for you.

We all have emotions... well, kinda!

I dont think theese two people are opposing. I think it'd be Kind of naive to say that you Got rid of all Your mental Problems. I also think it'd be naive to say you couldnt still be a good therapist.

You need a fourth eye

it's 'not' healthy for the therapist to cry with the patients