Dating as an INTJ… something I’ve actively avoided since the last time we won’t speak of

I am an ENTP, I do get on really well with INFPs, but I can confirm that INTJs care way more about others than INFPs do. When I was at my worst, I tried telling many people about my problems, but this INTJ was the only person who really listened to my problems and gave good advise without any judgments.

I'm a 60 y/o female INTJ and I can totally relate to every single thing that you have said. I was very lonely in my 30s for all of the reasons that you have expressed until I met my "forever person" at age 35. I knew within a few weeks that he was the person for me. He's an ENTJ and we are a great pair, married 24 years and going strong. Don't give up. There are lot's of great partners out there for you.

As a female INTJ, i can relate to all this hands down a 100%. A life struggle but i'm comfortable being on my own. It sucks at times but better than wasting my time with someone who doesn't value or understand how i do things. I'm by no means a perfect INTJ, far from it. I'm still working on my flaws as far as expressing my internalized feelings and understanding others needs. These vids definitely give me insight as to how i can improve and of course not think like i'm the only one going through this.

My INTJ friend shared this with me. Now I am even more motivated to take care of and respect my INTJ friends' baby Fi. You're one of my favourite people here, Jon, and I believe in the goodness of your destiny. You will meet your forever person, it makes my heart glow to find people who also have this "forever" ideal as me💖. Don't worry, I will make sure to take care of fellow INTJs for you😊😊😊 - Sincerely, an INFJ

I can't remember the last time I felt the need to comment on a KZfaq video. I'm an INTJ, and your words resonated with me. Do I want to express those feelings externally? No. But I do want to say that I feel I've been heard, which is extremely rare for me personally. Interpersonal relationships are inherently difficult when you value time with yourself so highly. Anyway, good luck on your journey man. The right person will either come along, or they won't. The best option is to live our best life by ourselves and hope that we exist in one of the universes where it works out to a satisfactory degree.

As an INFP, this is why I always used to clash with my INFJ mom. Having my Fi always ignored made me feel worse growing up, especially as an immature INFP teen. Now I am mature and get along the best with INTJs. I am dating an INTJ right now. He's great. We both listen to each other and respect each other's views. I have learnt to not take things he says personally. I know they come from good intentions. He is a very kind person.

INFJ here. I recently got into a relationship with an INTJ. For both of us it's the best thing we ever came across. You will find your forever person ❤

"You have to be able to compete with my love of being alone". I have said versions of this in the past. My friends think it's funny. Partly because they know how honest it is.

INTJ male here, more seriously, the main problem is being honest with my own nature of still wanting affection and intimacy. If I could logic my way out of it and put it beneath me and look down on it, I totally would. But I still have emotions. What I am doing now is becoming the best version of myself. But the key thing is that socialization, community, and acts of service are part of this, not just my solo goals. Being around people you are comfortable (and uncomfortable) with really helps keep down the ni-fi loops with dating. If I meet women I like doing my thing, then great; I'd love to meet someone naturally who is already involved in the things I am. If not, then whatever. We're INTJs, our fictional characters are the most badass people ever. Look at Bruce Wayne, he can actually do everything. No one is perfect, but INTJs can damn well get close. A strategic mind enables us to quite literally work on finance, emotional health, physical health, passion projects, social life, community, acts of service, and dating if you want to, all at the same time with a ruthlessly consistent effort. If that's not attractive in dating, then nothing ever will be. Better to live a fulfilled life in peace than participate in modern dating misandry and misogyny.

51 female INFJ here. Respect for spilling out your heart for us online. It was also genuinely interesting to hear you talk about your dating issues with INFJ females. I would appreciate if you elaborate in a follow up video. I always love to learn sth new. Thanks for your videos!

I am ENFP(w) and in love with INTJ(m). I encourage his outwardness, goofiness and he helps me putting goals and stay grounded. I tell things the way they are and he loves that I never lie neither caress his ego. I challenge him😂 He is the best of ALL men on earth and needed to see he was enough. No INTJ don't think they are perfect contrary to what we see. They compensate their fear of rejection/abandonment by building walls around them that are so hard to break. But they can not resist truth, love and self joke. Edited to add: And time for themselves ! Granted I NEVER get bored by myself.

I've thought about it a lot, but the issue tends to be that we have a predisposition for a life of abstraction. Not just INTJ's but types like INTP's as well. What I mean by that is that we want to maximize the usage of our Ni and Te (our mind, planning systems, introspection) and we find the sensory quite useless (the body, activities with no goal, cooking 3 hours to eat for 2 minutes) which leads us to abstract things like science, engineering, philosophy, etc. This makes it hard to connect in relationships because it's like we are a mind that owns a body, while most people are bodies. Most people just aren't spending the insane time we spend on thinking and abstraction. The majority views connecting as physical intimacy, having fun, partying and such, but we crave a mental intimacy, like a merging of two databases - where we share what we're thinking, and compare it with what someone else has been thinking. If you enter a relationship where someone just couldn't be bothered with what you've been thinking about, there's no connection for either of you. You want to spend all your time reading Schopenhauer and programming, you wake up with a mission, they wake up wanting to feel good, to spend time going out on dates. This ends up with a relationship where they feel like they're dating a spy, because the INTJ is always doing something in complete isolation with headphones on. The INTJ seems reluctant to do "relationship" things with them, go out in public, even though the INTJ considers that time spent as a huge gift for the partner because they sacrificed valuable time to do it... Relationships typically end when that dynamic appears. It only works if you sacrifice your true motivations to appease your partner because you value them even if you don't like taking time away from your thing. Another way it could work is if you find another INTJ INTP/etc. that really understands you, which is what I thought romance was, two people who understand each other, heading towards a goal, but together, where the priority isn't entertainment but just getting along and sharing company while you both read books or chase a dream - incredibly rare, but it would be ideal. For the slightly unhealthier INTJ's, they just swallow some occasional loneliness while charging forward and dedicating life to interests. Regardless, it's very interesting experiencing this narrow slice of existence, and no doubt whatever we choose to do will definitely be a unique experience.

I’m actually that INTP, whom for asked out with the INTJ with whom I am still married to now. When he showed interest, I was incipiently quite hesitant to date him, as I was not interested in dating at the time, and was sick and tired of guys that were only interested in my body, and not willing to make any kind of of commitment. Most were uninteresting, carried way too much emotional baggage and far too emotional for me. Thankfully for both of us I decided to give him a chance, instead of friend-zoning him. My INTJ also seemed surprisingly lively for an introvert, and notice he has the intelligence and serious that I was looking for, and didn’t have loyalties issues like with the other MBTI types.

I agree that us INTJs really do care about people, we are simply not vocal about it and express it in another way. We think about a person's problem/ feelings and try a way to solve the issue. If someone posts something on social media, everyone will say something to make the poster to feel better. Us INTJ instead think of a way to help them instead of saying empty words. We are viewed as heartless at first meanwhile we try to help the person behind the scenes or tell the person directly in private. No one will know that we are doing something for the person unless someone else actually sees our action.

The different persona for different people thing is so real. Where I run into issues is when I have one person I’m close with in the group, I will end up being the “real” me, regardless of who else is there.

Here’s the thing. Thinking back on a horrible marriage that lasted for waaaay too long…. Even in that relationship, it was one of the loneliest experiences of my life. Now that I’m single, I’m appreciating the peace that comes with the loneliness. It took a while, especially when being completely trampled for so long. Hang in there, thanks for sharing. Definitely a lot to chew on in here.

infp here.. You need to know something: as a infp who is now quite mature (41) and deep on the self development path, I do hear your words loud and clear! I had dated intj in my 20s and ..as you with your infp relationship, we also broke up cause of my moaning and emotional vent and not doing much action abut myself..- he just grew tired of that. That relationship was my true love,though. Today, i so wish i could have been different back then and see things from his point of view and how that affected him.. but hey, we all learn. All I can say, don't lose hope. women who are older, even the feelers, do mature and get their T function in the right spot. All the best for you, really appreciated your video. Thank you for sharing it.

As an ENFP involved in a failing relationship with an INTJ it's incredibly helpful to hear your perspective. Thanks

I'm 60 and a happy single lifer; never felt lonely, and don't understand such feelings. Had a kid, though, and raised her myself. She's also an INTJ, but more stable, and she got married.

What you said about how Te can be just as kind as Fe is so true And as a fellow INTJ, explaining my unbalanced relationships with INFJs in my life just clicked when you mentioned them not validating your Fi Honestly your videos are so so comforting, pls keep uploading and I really hope you'll be able to find your special someone 💙

HI Jon, thank you for sharing your thoughts and emotions. Hope you are doing better now. I haven't been in many relationships, but the one that "broke" me was also with an INFJ. I am 35 as well and this break--up is almost one year in the past now. I am still thinking a lot about her and what I learned for this relationship. I fell it would be so much easier hating her and just leave this behind, but as you said yourself we INTJs cannot do this. So my resolve is to honer her memories (she's not dead) and will always use it as an reminder. I certainly did grow a loth the past year and I am very proud of the better version I became. It seems like your still grieving, so don't let yourself down. It is ok to be sad and feel all the emotions, being vulnerable is powerful. Hang in there, the right person surly comes ;) Best, Tobs

My partner is an intj male and we’ve been together for 8 years now (Gahh!). No relationship is perfect indeed and I think sometimes we just need to accept each other’s differences. It’s also very important to set boundaries and give each other space when needed. Overall, I’m very happy to be with my serious yet secretly goofy intj partner and look forward to our future. Good luck! - isfp :D

I am so happy that you got a large amount of people following you and your videos, i remember when it was less people, i hope you find love in your life, im 38 so it is a hell finding someone when you are reaching your 40s

Are you kidding me? I can't believe how much of what you said reflect my situation, 90% of what you described I can feel like I had the same experience.

10:45 I am an ENFJ and do the same thing without being perceived as psychoanalysis and as you know people don't like to be diagnosed. My tip for you is to let them own their realisation; would you agree that diagnostic evaluation is your way of understanding the world and sharing insights is your way of showing care? You are probably giving subtle clues of diagnosing them without even noticing, the solution is to depersonalise your observations eg. "It sounds like you enjoy family time" vs "I can tell you enjoy family time". Notice it's also a statement that invites an answer, which helps break up the onslaught of questions that can be perceived as an interrogation. Hope it helps. Thank you for your authentic videos that show the full spectrum of INTJ, please keep sharing your insights, they're appreciated.

Thank you for making this video. Loved your perspective. This was definitely eye-opening for me as an INFJ female.

My intj brother I appreciate you being vulnerable with the rest of us. It is important for our particular type to express our emotions because we are seeing as not having any. I had a ride or die infp 4 Wing 5 and I'm an intj 5 Wing 6 on the surface I think it looks like you met somebody that's exactly like you and who doesn't love themselves what you need to practice my friend is what is called Shadow work essentially it's doing the complete opposite of what you normally do so if you like to stay home instead of going out guess what you have to go out and if you'd like to stay silent and not talk to people guess what you need to make 5 minute friends do it in places where you don't ever go and you're never going to see them again but if you just happen to meet somebody cool get their phone number send them a text. People pay thousands of dollars to learn how to do this I kind of figured it out on my own

Thanks for all that you share, Jon. I think we INTJs always strive to be understood better. I often mull over the same questions you posed in this video.

This video is valuable to me and am thankful of you sharing publicly for us to fall back on when understanding the depth of our INTJs authentically. I also agree to what you shared for an example, “why is that you’re favorite color?” Many get offended or gave me a vague reply like, “cuz that’s what girl/boys like.” I’m also not purposely analyzing for advantage, it’s natural for me to get to know people at deeper level and like you said, you have my attention. You’re videos in the channel helped me tremendously and I am thankful for KZfaqrs like you to publicly share 😭

Wow, powerful video, thanks for putting yourself out there. Your words hit home, and I can say the self-analysis loop you go through, you're not alone. Silver lining though, one of the INTJ superpowers is not dwelling much. Please share any golden nuggets of wisdom on how to manage and upgrade Fi to not be such a cripling defect at times.

You really hit the nail on the head on a lot of points. It's just too taxing mentally to actively seek anybody out especially when you are looking for very specific things in a partner... and it's just very hard overall. I have been single for two years and during that time I have been working on myself (I got promoted twice in '23, yayy!) and feeding my hobbies and special interests. I know I am probably hurting myself the longer I wait but just starting over is deteriorating and reopening up to someone overall feels draining even thinking about. You are absolutely correct at the end... if you cant stand to be alone at the end of the day then you aren't fit to be in a relationship. I learned that the hard way. I wish you the best luck and all the happiness in the new year!

Thank you Jon for this wonderful insight, I understand that this was a hard video for you, your work is very appreciated. As an ENTP attempting to romance an INTJ that doesn’t understand the purpose of relationships, this has been a great explanation of how I may need to proceed.

Single female intj 37 yr old here. I dont want to date i feel good alone but i want to have someone eventually , the RIGHT one who is healthy, kind, patient etc.

I can't even begin to express how it feels to hear someone who also feels grief at timelines that will never exist. It hurts so bad.

First and foremost, thank you for sharing brother. As an INTJ those opening 7 minutes felt like I was having a real conversation and break down with, well myself lol. You out here spitting facts especially when it comes to INTJ 'code switching' based on the social environment we're in being so second nature it is almost like the primary plan if the environment isn't agreeing with us. Blend in, don't draw attention, discreetly exit when you see an opportunity. As I'm going through my own struggles right now, which honestly felt like they came out of nowhere and I'm still trying to figure out how my partner and I got here but due to low communication right now that's a practice in running a hamster wheel and expecting to get somewhere meaningful, everything you said resonated a lot. I hope you're healing well from your recent separation. Also, funny enough what the younger generations call "settling" I saw as early as my 20s as a successful indication of a functioning relationship. Needless to say, I SUPER sucked at dating when I was younger cause I was already looking into the future of, "how do I get to that point?" and that was not what a lot of women in that age range even wanted to entertain. Also in regard to lesson 2, consciously KNOWING I'm going to have to suppress my strongest function to just appear "not creepy" to a potential partner is another reason I'm hoping I get whatever broke worked out, cause I'm an old dog and that would definitely feel like a step backward.

Jon, I really appreciate what you talked about in your video.

Hi Jon, thanks for baring your heart here. Really appreciate your Ni, it's evident here. I hope you find what you are looking for and some years later, you would be talking how you finally have the answer to these questions why those relationships didn't work out and be completely happy. Cheering for you.

Thank you for sharing. I loved listening to you, I do not think you are the problem. You just havent found the right person yet. I wish you the bestest!

Oh my! Your videos have helped me so much! Thank you!

I'm an ENFP, admiring INTJs. Thanks for sharing! It's exciting 2 get into ur mind. Wish u peace 🙌

I usually don’t come across video’s that is relatable but I relate completely and at one point I felt very vulnerable. I appreciate your honesty.

So much of what you said here is so relatable to me. 😅 After 3 hours of socialising, I need a whole week to get rid of that cranky and snappy state that extraversion put me in.

You are so truthful to what you say, totally agree with you.

I'm reaching the end of the video and you're pretty much nail on the head straight to the point I can concur with a lot of the information that's being portrayed you're talking about being narcissistic I do not think this is the case I think we are more authentic and when you run into somebody that's narcissistic they hate the fact that you are a truth-teller and you will see what narcissism truly looks like. Be your true self follow your own path do what makes you feel comfortable everyday but sometimes you don't use a muscle it's called atrophy then you start exercising it and you become better than you were when you started keep up the good work bring positivity into the people that you meet every day Inspire hope and set a good example for the rest you will slowly but surely see a benefit🎉

that was so helpful im an intj in my 20s and watching you made me realise alot of negative mistakes that iHAVE and can fix so i will work on improving them . pardon my english too its my second language.. love you

I appreciate everything you shared.

Hi Jon, thank you for sharing and being honest with your thoughts and feelings. I relate to everything you said. As an INTJ woman (32), sometimes I feel like I'll end up single forever. I have accepted if that's gonna be my fate. I also ended a relationship with an INFJ a year ago. That one scarred me the most out of all my relationships. I remember begging and voicing out my FI but it was ignored to the point that I backed out on our marriage 2 days before the date. I felt like I wasn't heard, I felt like other people were the priority and not me. I have not regretted my decision one bit because I could see myself miserable in the future if we got married. I am happy where I am right now. I have learned so much after the breakup and realized that I can never escape nor ignore my Fi. I am seeing an ENTJ and it's going really well so far. I hope that it will blossom into something in the future but, I am not getting my hopes up. I am always looking forward to your videos!

First, thank you for having the courage to share your ideas with us. It's fascinating to get an insight into how other types see the world, process their thoughts/emotions, and (most importantly for me at least) understand what introverted intuition truly means. We INFPs need a good 30+ years to "fully bake" before we're ready to truly date.

This is a dope video man, always coming with dope content 🔥🔥

As an INTJ respect for you to share your personal feelings out there as full of vulnerability and potential flashbacks from past partners ,,,,you are one of my sets of personality i admire

Jon, YOU are such a blessing and a whole gem!!! 💛💛💛 Thank you so much for sharing all of your wisdom and being so brave! I'm so sorry that things have been so difficult for you, but I admire how brave you are to take us on this journey with you and for how you are trying to help others too! We love you and you are so so special! If you ever want a new friend, please let me know and I'll share my email. I love making friends! 💛

This is an extremely valuable video for me (an INTJ-T male). I sincerely thank you for sharing your experiences and how you feel. It's just a random and honest thought- maybe try to not pursue love at all. Sometimes we need ourselves more than anyone else, you know....

thank you so much for sharing, it meant a lot actually made me feel understood

I've only had two relationships.... and like 3 situationships over the course of a decade(I'm 30). My problem is I realllllly dont put myself out there as a FEMALE INTJ. Also, I am a bigger woman( size 14, pear shaped) and the most recent situationship I was with an ISFJ, that ended 5 months ago. The main issue is i dont put myself out there because men dont take bigger women seriously like that, at least that is what I have seen and experienced myself. This is why I have been losing weight before I go back out there and date seriously again. I recognized to give myself the best chance at dating is to be more conventionally attractive. I want to optimize how many options I have available. I dont want people to see my weight first than me. I want them to just see me as a person, not a "big" person.

Thanks for sharing with us. Very helpful

Even at 35 you are having the same issue I am having. I am 31. But you do what I do, project what is ideal Ni for the purposes of future security. You have to learn to let go. Your life is not written in stone and when you start to realize you are free from expectation, someone comes your way. On the outside, we cry like school girls but on the inside, it is a foiled plan. This is why I stopped learning to expect an outcome and start living in the outcome. It makes you better over time.

Hey there, always love your videos. I actually wish you could make a video to evaluate your experiences with INFJs (yes I'm totally being egoistic here). I just keep seeing all these videos on how "spiritual, special, deep, guiding listeners" we are. I believe that actually could be harming for younger INFJs to keep watching, just because of how disconnected we are with our Fi. It's a bit like portraying INTJs as the Masterminds, totally ignoring our weaknesses. I wish we could get to hear others truths based on their real interactions with us, get that smack in the face to be able to truly look at ourselves, and I believe you could do that in a good way. I know you have been touching on it before, but that was just a friendly punch 😏 Yes the truth can hurt, but we need help to evolve and you know it. Maybe someday you would consider it, it might benefit you in some way too? Learning that we might be hurting the ones we love unintentionally hurts us more than doing it directly. (It's crazy how we think we are so selfless but just look at that sentence) 🤦‍♀️

This is a great video. As an INTJ man in his mid 30s I struggle with close emotional relationships and find this video relatable. Definitely an area you should please do more of as it’s definitely my biggest weakness but one if the things I want, but always seems out of grasp and I can’t figure out 👨‍🔬

Thanks for making this

Great video! I'm so glad you decided to make this. I could really feel your emotions through this video. I don't think there is anything wrong with making a list of qualities you want to find in a person and expecting to find that. In fact many people do that and claim that they ended up finding that person (Maybe they manifest it. Who knows? 🌚). Also, you do deserve to find the person that is perfect for you. Well, nobody is "perfect", but you deserve to find someone with the qualities you're looking for. Based on what you were saying you've learned from dating the different types you mentioned, I'm wondering how the INTJ-INTJ combination would work? You would both be working with the same dominate functions and hopefully know to respect each other's Fi as well.

Damn! Having my Fi ignored is also a huge problem for me as an INTJ. Thank you so much for this video.

Dang it, Jon. Quit hitting all my traits so dead on, man! (Don't, though. The validation is so good!) We are attracted to the same types, and have exactly the same struggles with them. I feel all of this, and I am currently in an amazing battle to maintain a relationship with the greatest INFP. We will survive our therapies and growth to be the greatest of partners (long since been the best of friends and kindred spirits for years) or we will probably be more happily alone with our cats (and in her case dogs too). Forever analyzing our faults is one of the greatest and worst gifts for both of these types. I totally get why this was a difficult video. You are truly doing special work in giving voice to the true INTJ experiences in a totally relateable way. I want to, but can never find a way to put the energy I want to toward what you are doing. Just too many other things... Cheers! 🍻

Not gonna lie I'm FREAKING OUT lol I'ma INFP and I've been talking to a INTJ and everything you say is completely accurate. It took almost a year for him to break walls with me. We went from barely seeing each other to now he's got me seeing him almost all the time....I'm nervous now lol something I wanted so bad now that he's comfortable with me I'm like ....holy crap 😮 where did this come from?

Thanks for sharing with us brother

Yes, we *are* the problem. Definitely takes me time to care deeply about someone and by the time that happens I'm already in the friend zone.

Goodness, thanks for being so open. This is perhaps the best video on the topic told by an INTJ. I came here with a purpose of understanding my INTJ friend the best I can. Being an INFJ, I am now worried about this Fi-ignoring stuff. Because, on the contrary, I am trying so hard to be gentle with her, as I perceive her heart being like that of an innocent child. I want to cradle it and keep it safe. But the problem is, she expresses so little of her Fi that I just don't know how to do that. With no feedback, I feel like being unarmed. So please could you tell more about INFJ's ignoring your Fi? As I'm dreading to make such a mistake while at the same time I don't fully understand what to pay attention to within myself to avoid making it. And of course I wish you to find your forever person. I think the key thing here is for both people to just decide, in their maturity and full awareness, to stay, to be with each other despite any difficulties. Just to decide this one thing but in its fullest. Express this determination to each other and then set off through the thick and thin of life together, with understanding and compassion. Because I believe that this beauty that people tend to see in each other in the beginning of their relationship is not some delusion or a non-existing ideal of the person. No. I think it is the most real, most true image of a human being. We all should see each other like this and love each other like this. But we can't. The image becomes dirty and muddy with time. Yet the beauty is still there. It's just our own hearts get covered with more and more dust so that we lose our ability to see like we did before. We should remove the dust from our hearts, and we will be able to see all that beauty again.

I am a male INFP and when I confessed my feelings for my INTJ girl, and she cried after a brief moment. I did not acknowledge her tears (I really wanted to, but it was such an intense moment that I couldn't address internally in time as well) and taken a step back for her to find composure. I did respond to her tearful comments in a calm and detached but assuring manner since - I am very aware that INFP can smother the heck out of an INTJ. Really hope I didn't make a mistake; our boundaries are still platonic, but I can tell that we have become much more intimate after the incident.

:: hug :: looking forward to seeing what growth is to come from these questions you’re asking yourself.. I’m curious if you have mentors or guides.. or any kind of counselor to support and even give you some sage wisdom when it comes to the unseen realms.

My first love was with an INFP, started at when I was 16. Continued for 6-7 years, but it didn't end well. I felt suffocated and lost my energy and ambitions. I was extremely loyal throughout but I always use to feel that she needs to work on herself for her lazy attitude. In those times I was blamed for being emotionless, cold hearted and careless. But truly it was the opposite but I couldn't express myself. I used to feel I've the problem until I landed on MBTI. It was a relief to know about myself and my INTJ traits. It took me sometime to heal and come out from that low zone after heartbreak. I'm 27 now struggling from analysis loop of a date happened almost a year ago where I rushed into things in contrast of my usual just to give it a chance once. Although, I got the intuition that she's not the one but for once I took the risk of going against my intution only to come to learn that it's never a good idea to take chances in matters related to heart even though I can myself believe the opposite.

Back for round two. Goin to watch what I missed: ). Can you intj teach me? Let me take notes. I'm old and anologe also photographic memory. I like to write and take notes. Just learned how to screen shot! I missed out on so much: (. Going to your channel and catching up.

INTJ female. Love your honesty and vulnerability. I totally relate. Wish I’d met you at your age. 😊

As an INTJ female who is also 16 years old, life is weird for me. I like to stay at home and read books whilst kids my age go out drinking and partying. I prefer my way of living but I always did worry that because I'm so different to those my age that I'll never be able to get into a relationship. This video has given me some nice insight into myself, my friendships and the reason I have not dated even though (practically) all my school have. Thank you for this video :)

Loved this video, really admire your courage to be vulnerable here.. Its pretty cool how you’ve dated alot for an INTJ 😂 This is not meant as an attack, this is me Te-ing providing unsolicited advice - I reckon you gotta learn to tolerate/sacrifice either having your Ni Te or Fi ignored by the other type. As INTJs we are perfectionists and expect the same from our partners, and I think we need to accept that we cant have it all. I also noticed youve never dated another INTJ, maybe give that a go? Although she will be very hard to find 😂 Or she might be like me - stuck in a marriage, too chicken to be single forever. Im married to an ISTP husband and oh boy the amount of patience and tolerance i have for him, i feel like im a saint, and he still thinks im selfish. He ignores ALL of my functions. He knows my Ni is weird, so he just ignores it or make jokes here and there about it, so the conversation doesnt really flow. His Ti is so stubborn that he does whatever he thinks is right and I should just be grateful for it. Opposite to the ISTJ, my ISTP husband would book hotels last minute 🙄 His inferior Fe is so blind that he has no idea what goes on in my Fi 😢 Not to mention his temper - ISTP just cant communicate properly, they express their anger by smashing things.. I need to leave this marriage.. but im so scared to be single.. and I will only leave if the perfect man asks me to leave my husband 😂 Cos id rather be married to a “housemate” than live alone 😭 I think its easier for INTJ guys to find a girl than for an INTJ girl to find a guy. Not sure about other INTJ girls, but for me, i need my man to be more intelligent and less emotional than me. Which is the main reason why I married my ISTP, cos hes so intelligent and smart in a different way, he makes up for what i lack.. but theres no mutual understanding/connection/communication. Going back to this point: “i need my man to be more intelligent and less emotional than me.” So that crosses out INFP, INFJ, ISFPs and ISFJs. Id never date an extrovert. Prob not INTP, cos dont want another inferior Fe 😂 I actually wouldnt mind an ISTJ i reckon.. a mature healthy one thats financially stable, cos like you said im in my 30s and my eggs are probably dying. P.S. all my best friends are INFP, INFJ, INTJ, ISFJ and ISFP guys, but i wouldnt marry them 😅 Life is hard hey..

I was lucky to find the right person on the first try. He was super patient and waiting until I was ready to open up. If I hadn't met him, I honestly think I would have stayed alone my whole life. I feel like I'm so different from other humans sometimes, even though honestly, I love being who I am and I wouldn't want to change for anything. It still remains difficult on a personal level for us intj

Great video good for you. Being alone is not lonely it's peaceful. Only when you can be happy with yourself can you be happy with a partner.

35 INTJ female here, I feel you! Seems like I always end up being the villain in my partners stories because of my Te… and having Fi as a woman is incredibly frustrating because guys already have a difficult time understanding women. I’ll be alone with my cat forever as well.

🥺this is so relatable, and some of the situations were exactly like mines

Thank you for being vulnerable🌿 (You don't appear 35) have you joined masterminds about what your Fi values? I have noticed that paid for X skill to flourish led to know people that want to grow as a person too (I haven't decided to date yet, I want to cultivate soft skills before that) I can see your uncertainty and I really wish you the best. Being a Ni dom sometimes it is crippling to live, because being "unique" sometimes means you can't easily "be normal", which menas you can't with the people you want just because you decide to and that leds to a dark path if not careful. I hope this situation resolves and you can find a wonderful soul as yourself 🍀

My heart goes to you ❤

This is so eye opening for me, i noticed alot of my old friends would literally truma dump all there emotional baggage into me. And because of this it would make me super uncomfortable, not only am i a (IFTJ) but im also a Scorpio Sun and Cancer Moon. So im already a super emotional person as it is, so someone emotional dumping into me as i already have my own emotional problems again makes me uncomfortable. As iv gotten older i became a good listener but i also had to tell people im not there therapist, funny thing is whenever i tried to express myself about my own problems i wouldn't even get the same treatment in return.

It is possible to commit no mistake and still lose. That is not weakness. This is the life. 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😤🤩

I'm a 33 year old INTJ. My potential partner (we've discussed dating just neither of us is ready to date) is an ENFP. I'm definitely a tsundere. She's a deredere. She's 30 almost 31 and at minimum we work well as close friends. Also, she really understands that I NEED time to recharge and leaves me to it. She's also the only person who has gotten me to live in the moment. This video was great btw.

You should circle bad and do a video on how INTJ's process heartbreak when this one is less raw. Unfortunately Ni can be like a magnet that repells more often than it attracts just due to the proportions of type representation out there. It doesn't make you any less lovely and those of us who connect over intuition are starved of it alot of the time. That's why I always watch your videos. Also so much of the phase of life woes are so relatable. I read once that intj are less likely to let their emotions get the better of them an settle which is why infjs often marry sooner. You still have a chance to avoid alot of the complications that can dictate your circumstances and personal freedom. I could say I'd wish someone would have told me but in my case an intj actually did but I took it in the most harmful way and it backfired in the form of a bad rebound relationship just in the wrong way.

As an INFP who just broke off their first, long-term relationship and is having a lot of the same thoughts; I felt that. I was dating someone with Fe and I agree. I just felt like after a while, I didn't really matter. Honestly I felt like my services (car, time, man-power) were being rented out to my partner's friends without my consent. At the same time, I felt like my biggest asset was going completely unappreciated. But they weren't a bad person. They were doing everything in their power to keep me happy, I just realized that they would be breaking their backs trying to meet my needs, and they would only ever be half met. The other thing is that I'm suddenly very aware of the fact that no one is ever going to fully meet my needs. It sounds stupid, but as an idealist, that's painful to arrive at. I'm also aware that I have some major challenges in relationships which will either be extraordinarily painful to face and which may end up sabotaging a lot of relationships to come. Even though my life is a mess in every aspect, and I am still hurting and spooked by my last relationship, reconnecting with my authentic self and who I am when I am alone is a breath of fresh air. I may be broken in some ways, but I have cultivated a psyche that makes it wonderful to be alive sometimes. Watching you struggle with the same things made me realize that finding a lasting connection is a universal struggle, and also that that's life. It's bittersweet in a way, because it's so profoundly human.

I do think that THE perfect match to change the world is either INTJ/ENFJ or ENTJ/ENFJ. In THE best case scenario a trio of INTJ, ENTJ and ENFJ either as a work team or a couple and a best friend.

I appreciate how you didn't generalize as if ALL INTJ's are this way. Although, I agree with you and realize I'm not weird, just different.

I am dating a 39 year old intj. He was single till 36 until I met him . I am a estp. Firstly your videos are soooooooo useful. Thank god for your videos. Secondly yes intj are sooooo difficult to be with. Takes a lot of accepting on both ends as intjs are so conventional and stubborn. I will be happy to discuss more if you need.

Once you let go of it all, freedom begins and Te shines. I'm a proud single INTJ hermit crab 🦀

Now I want an example of an INFJ ignoring others Fi values. I want to cross-reference it with my experience to see if it's something I do and need to work on. Or maybe you have a susceptibility to this pattern? It's a curious thing.

Thank you for sharing!. Intj here also. I believe that the right person is coming when we are at the right place in life. Thats why we should always try to improve and work on our flows, but more importantly not be angry about ourselves. And I agree with you that its more easier with N types who gets us. My favourite are Infp and Entp. I have wanted to ask. How it is not hard for you to share publicly about yourself, we are a very private type.. Sorry abot the english, I am not a native speaker

I’m already 😢 at your Fi feels. Fi in the child spot is the cutest and makes me want to drown them in a horde of cute, comforting bunnies. ❤

Really odd to hear of your experiences with ENFPs waiting for you like a Labrador whenever you needed alone time. ENFPs are the most introverted extroverts and as an ENFP, I can truly say that I need alone time - sometimes it even feels like I need it more than my INTJ boyfriend. So I have complete understanding for his need for me-time and encourage it. It doesn’t feel like time where I am missing out on connecting with him, but rather time that I get to go after my own interests or inner life, which makes us both more balanced and integrated when we connect again.

Si doms compliment my love language the most, quality time. thats what I love Si doms just do things together since I'm not physically expressive.

Thanks so much for the video and for sharing all your thoughts. You totally called me out. Will definitely re-watch for reference, if the slight chance of a promising date presents itself. On a side note, why is that a weird question at 10:19 ? Wouldn't you keep the flow going? Even more so, if you are interested in that person? Maybe it is me or Germans are bad at small talk. 😅

I'm an INFP but I can somehow totally relate with what you said. I'd say I'm a bit more open when it comes to expressing emotions, though

Been with my entp for a while I hope things keep going well

I like how as you go through your relationships, you also go through your function stack 😊 Si-Dom lesson: “I need to be accepted for my Ni” INFP lesson: “I need to be valued for my Te” INFJ lesson: “I need my Fi to be respected”

When I got into MBTI I was expecting to understand people in the outside world more but all it makes me feel is a façade of myself or projecting myself. It is the same feeling asking people "hey, what's your sign?" If you want to relate, INTJ's declare authenticity as their highest virtue. There is nothing more virtuous than discovering that organically and using MBTI as a life lesson rather than social rubric. Otherwise, finding someone is like picking your favorite martial art. You only stay long enough until it gives you an uncomfortable deficit in cash when tournament season rolls around.

I just tested 90% for INTJ-a. The comment you said about enjoying alone time too much hit me. The thing is, I'm at the point now where I would genuinely rather be alone 100% of the time (29 guy btw). And I have friends and family like I could see them, but I don't want to not even a little bit. I have my work and my million hobbies and music and there's already not enough time in the day for everything. But the problem is I also really want a relationship and kids, I am from a traditional family and I am as well. But how am I supposed to meet someone if I never want to meet anyone? It's a paradox. Maybe I will try that russian bride thing 😂