My wife likes to think of herself as a strong woman. I see her as being incredibly critical of everyone and everything. It's very hard to perform my duties as a husband when I feel it will be never good enough. Forgiveness is always in my heart however the words spoken will never be forgotten.

Dude, good speech. But years of abuse wears you down.

The best way I have learnt to deal with a critical other half is to say this; "How blessed you are to be so perfect that you believe it is your responsibility to point out my flaws. I hope that your perfection brings you every happiness in your life."

Emotional abuse is something that people shouldnt have to "deal" with. :(

I gone out 3 times with a woman on a date. On the first date, I already notice she was a very critical woman, I thought it was cute at the beginning but at the same time I kept this flaws of hers behind my head. On the second and third date her critical criticism got worse, when I told her that she was too judgmental, she apologize nicely and said: "that's part of me." I really appreciate her apologize, but I ghosted her after the 3rde date, despite her calling me and texting me on numerous times. I can never be with a woman that nit-picking minor matters, even though I really liked her overall personality alot, I will still never alow this type of toxic individual into my life.

My partner was that critical and I left . However my step father laughs loudly when my very critical mother nit picks at him and it takes her power away . Laughter is a great tool.

My husband is so critical. He is not any fun to be around. Angry outbursts that are always my fault. He makes life miserable at times and boring the rest of the time.

easier said than done, when your spouse hits you with criticism from the moment you see each other to the very hour you go to sleep. reaching a divorce is easier for most people than reaching a nirvana.

Should’ve never married in the first place. When people show you their true colors... LISTEN. Not for you to fix them.

Natural kindness is worth a lot in a partner and goes a long way to healing wounds of low self esteem.

How Do you not lose your self with the everyday negativity

This is sooo helpful ! Criticism can feel so draining, but this helps me see it in a more lighthearted way.

A Critical Spirit is a Symptom of a Much bigger and deeper issue in the psyche of the person. It’s basis is in their beliefs and attitudes.

Walk away...ignore... refocus... try to tell them, but remember you cannot change them.

Any relationship advice is dependent entirely on the people involved being sane. Advice doesn't work on mentally ill or people with neurotic or psychological disorders.

A critical person is NOT approachable. Yes, do NOT react. Stay calm and keep trying to love them in ways they receive love as best you can. Rise above dear Sisters. Be a force of love & forgiveness no matter what.

Honestly, just leave. Don't bother trying to salvage the "relationship" -- when your so-called "partner" is habitually this disrespectful, ungrateful, contemptuous, and negative towards you, there's no relationship left to salvage. Leave now.

I'm currently that partner that is doing the abusing.. 😔 I come home and find myself examining things he's done to see if he's done a good job or has done it right. It hurts me to see that he tries so hard to earn my approval and affirmation. I'm seeking therapy now because I'm pretty sure my critical and controlling ways stem from the decades of abuse I witnessed in my parents marriage. I just hope I haven't broken my husband's spirit after these 7 years of marriage. He is naturally such a patient and loving guy but I see the anguish my behavior has caused and he seems tense and unhappy when I'm around. 😔

My mom to me: “You’ve gotten shorter.” And, “Here, I thought you’d like to have this photo of yourself. . . . when you were thin.”

it must be so nice to know that everything you do is right and everyone else is wrong

My partner is overly critical.. criticism at certain degrees can be healthy. However overly critical people to me often lack a sense of security.

Tolerance toward verbal abuse is terrible advice. If they're critical and come from a place of contempt they dont love you. They're using you. Divorce.

My wife is loving and caring around our friends and away from the house, but once we are at home she begins her nagging and not picking. Critical of everything I do and whenever I'm doing something, she isn't far behind me looking to see what I am doing and how I am doing it. As a trained baker, I occasionally decide to bake something and she is telling me that ilI am doing something wrong....how crazy is that! I am the one that has trained for many years - even had my own bakery before I met her..and yet - she is telling me how to do something and my way is wrong. But generally, this can wear you down and is not something to mock or make fun of. The home should be a happy place, not a dread or tip toeing on egg shells all the time.

...drink more. If your marriage is like this, it’s a not a marriage-it’s a sham. How can you have true intimacy and more detaching?

Matt Townsend is actually telling people to deny that a critical attack is a critical attack. Imagine the mental gymnastics and/or hard drugs this type of reality detachment requires. Beware of anyone who call themselves a 'relationship coach."

The other morning he crossed the line. I was in a deep sleep and he started having a go at me and swearing at me. I put my finger in my ear and went back to sleep. Later I said to him, that if he's not happy about something we will leave discussing it till later in the day. I told him to stay away from me as he hurt me deeply. I said I will not tolerate your behaviour and I will leave you, once we've sold the house and I have my half. My first husband emotionally and mentally abused me. I am a strong person and will not put up with his behaviour. He can learn or face the consequences.

I say , I need the bathroom, off I go with my phone and watch youtube. Then I sneak to bed and carry on watching youtube. I am not going to stick around to be verbally abused. I do this everytime, the second he starts criticizing, I am out of the room. Not sure how long before he catches on. I have told him but no difference.

Sometimes you can't do anything with a critical spouse but divorce him. You shouldn't have tp "deal" with a critical spouse and continue to allow them to abuse you. They are doing it for a reason, which is to feel better about themselves. Stop being their punching bag.

A contentious wife is like a continual drip. Best fix is leave their ass. I’ve got peace now.

My gf is like this, and one thing that drives her insane is when she's being "critical" and mu only response is....."mkay". 🤣🤣

This is honestly about the only good advice that I've found on this topic.. Everything else just makes it sound like you are responsible for making them happy... "Try doing the dishes for them and asking what else you can do to please them so they don't try to make you miserable and criticize everything you do", unreal 😅 For some of us, we've tried everything and there is literally no changing the pessimistic and critical person we are married to. That being said, this advice actually focuses on what YOU can do to keep YOUR head above water and not get wrapped up in their negativity. Love it! Thank you!

My life is like this Can't cook with our criticism Can't eat without criticism Can't use things without criticism Can put things away without criticism Can't do dishes without criticism Can't put my plant stuff in my basket without criticism. The list goes on. This is all while never saying nice stuff to me, all while I complimenting him, and doing nice things for him, and talking about things unrelated to what he do. If I say something about how critical he is, the next time I am in the room doing something, he will just jump in front of me and take over, the other day when he did, I almost stabbed him by mistake as I didn't know he was going to snatch the stuff out my hand suddenly and I had a knife in my hand. I am doing it all right just my own way and at my own speed but it is never good enough or right in his eyes. I finally got fired this past year, and said to him after going through it for a week straight. I said "you did all that, and didn't come out with any money, and risk losing your wife's attention. You are starting arguements through constantly being critical is putting our health at risk, both of us have parent dead under 70 years old, of heart attacks. If you feel better about yourself by being critical of me all the time, how do it make you richer? For you to keep doing it means the feeling isn't lasting, you should get a hobby, and get your dopamine from that instead of beating me up mentally and emotionally. " His reaction was priceless. He didn't know how to response. Now I just say "Here we go again, the more you do it today, the longer you going to be all by yourself unless you go get you somebody." Now we are living almost separated again cause he refused to stop.

Sometimes these types of wives find another man to focus their anger upon. Most of the time they are borderline personality disordered individuals. They usually do not seek help or look in the mirror.

I just ignore it. Don’t give him/her the opportunity to put me down. Life is too short to let others steal your thunder. Just walk away! They can criticize the wall. The wall will always be there for them to criticize

My problem is I respond to it. I'm labeled as immature. Costing me my relationship Then I labeled the negative one. That shit beats you dwn. Like you can do anything right.

Yelled at yesterday for using a fan, despite it being 30°C and us not having air conditioning. These kinds of criticisms pop up all the time! And it's not just my wife, I seemingly attract these kinds of people (and even my family). I'm at a loss of how to deal with it.

Critical spouses can be at war with you and want to ruin your day by being critical. I tried all what he said and more, it doesn't always work. I have been driven to corners with my ears covered to avoid the critical attacks. Every meeting with my spouse seems to be his job to have me do everything how he thinks it should be, or make me be perfect at what I am doing. He was nothing like that when I met him.

That's so true. A negative partner or someone who is unhealthy themselves or emotional backwards will only see the negative outcome out of everything even if the critical stuff is true, it still doesn't give them the responsibility to point out the flaws and act like they're the ones who are perfect. I also meed to take notes because I was recently criticized and it hurt me at first but then I realized its just him. Not my fault and I can move on. I should have ignored the criticism but I didn't so we clashed. Messaged him about how it was wrong he ignores it so I'm having boundaries from now on and learning from this experience. I'm tired of it so I'm keeping distance until he reaches out and I dont care how long. I've always been the initiator, time for me to take that break to work on myself.

Someone who criticises you constantly is verbally abusive, if someone lives you, they will try and be better. This is BS

I really need some counseling... my wife and son are always pointing out my faults and I do remind them that it hurts but it isn’t helping. I am ready to walk out. I know that my own low self esteem brought this on but it’s hard to work on yourself and take this at the same time

This broke my last relationship. She was the love of my life (as of yet), we had wonderful moments together. But she is very critical. When she started to be critical about me, I wasn't reacting or anything. But after a while, I started having resentment, being on the defensive. It was a roller coaster for a while. But then Covid started, we started living full time together. She had to work over 90 hours/week, so I had to do all the chores. But even after picking her clothes off the floor every day for a month, she would complain that the shower should be washed every two weeks. That I was not motivated and so on. But yes, I would end up smoking weed and playing video game every night after I’ve done all the necessary daily tasks while waiting for her to come home. At some point, I was hoping she would not come home early so I could have my free time. Basically, we were on two different team. And then She started coming back home during the evening (when I was normally doing the chores) but would be so tired and go to sleep or other night would want me to watch TV with her. But still, she never made me feel that she would do anything to help again. I felt like I was her roommate and employee, but not her partner. And after a week She decided It was not what she was looking for and left me. I do still love her, she did many good things for me

My wife is overbearing and critical. The one right thing I’ll do is divorcing her soon.

but if you are taking it for 40 years, what then?

My wife constantly criticises me . I stand up for.myself but it's constant arguments. The best strategy I found so far is to not speak ever and keep out the way!

great video lots of lessons in such a short clip.

The difference between hearing criticism from a child is we don’t really respect the child like we do our spouse so it’s not the same. I respect my boyfriend so his criticism really hurts and I argue with him that he shouldn’t say that about me or treat me that way. Just saying “yes dear” or laughing in his face works for someone who doesn’t respect their spouse. I guess I’m fighting to keep that respect because once it’s gone i won’t be interested in him anymore.

This is BS, I’m glad they can make it sound so cute but it’s not that easy. Critical people are controlling and some of them go to great lengths to maintain their sense of control.

The analogy of the wilted flower... 😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢 OUCH!

He’s describing a narcissist. These people don’t change and only bring you down.

Thank you! Negativity, Judgement and crititism can wear you down.... There is some good advice here, and we'll all have to look after our mental health.... Standing in your own power is important.... Keep your distance when needed.... Ultimately look after yourself..... Protect your mental health however you can.....No one has the right to treat you as inferior or less than them, because you're not....

Thank you so much for this video, so much you really helped me :( :)

If somebody criticizes me sometimes I'll say things like what's your purpose of criticizing me is it to make me happy is it to make me feel better about myself because I don't like your criticism it's annoying and it's getting on my nerves and I want you to stop at right now unless you have a positive purpose for criticizing me and unless you want to help me out sincerely and if you don't then shut your mouth

Great!!! You are talking my heart out. I have done most of them and my partner is still cluless 😁

took me 16 years but I ended up not taking daily/hourly critisism and violent rage personally - God's Grace - then he told me about infidelity that he said was nothing to him so should be nothing to me this for me crossed the line and I left - Never been happier.

The weird thing is my husband is messy but at the same time he nit picks about everything that I do

What I have come to understand is that one can learn on how to be positive...if that is a skill that you lack.

This advice doesn’t work on those with a critical spirit. Good theory though.

This is so helpful , thank you🙏✨

Wow this advice needed in dealing with my mother...

What I have learnt is to.... "Respond"... Don't react!

Totally agree with what he is saying but I would add.....after 10 years or more of dealing with it within yourself and communicating with them about it and they don't care....you have a final option of leaving. Marriage is not a contract to absorb a lifetime of abuse. If you can learn to accept their hatefulness, they can learn to not be hateful.

My partner is negative and critical. It is difficult not to react especially he often sounds like a broken record and can go on about something which he does not like for a year.

I'm ready to leap in front of a bus. Legit.

Per his request (and complaints), I filed for divorce and now that we’re a year later, he’s been trying to “save the relationship”. He still does the same thing he’s been doing for the past 15 years, though: eye watering, mind piercing nagging. I try not to react to it - I really do - but when I show a crack, he increases the torrent and I find myself stress shopping, picking my face, or pondering what to do til I’m late for work. I’m at my wits end. I wish there was a magical incantation that could make it stop. There’s got to be some way to escape purgatory or dodge the hailstorm. I may have never found a surefire solution but I have hope.

I like this guy is logical intelligence. He's got a sense of humour and when a man intelligent like this it's easy to respect and look up to. For me if a man isn't intelligent and he is a bit of a narcissist it's hard to respect him because he don't know how to reason things out this guy is a reasonable person..

To say it's about how you receive, is exactly what a narcissist would say. Not everyone is mentally ill who is critical.

Best to deal with an ungrateful heart first.

Trying to be intimate with someone that is critical of you all day everyday is impossible. It wears you down after a while and you find yourself not even liking the person. It’s just best to leave it’s never going to get better.

Wait u can walk out in the middle of the “speech”?

Is not being critical it's all about the the delivery of how things are said you are not toddler you know when u are being mean and hurtful its just your spouse is selfish and really DON'T care if they hurt you ...

Live with someone before getting married or having children so you can avoid being in prison until they die.

I saw this psychologist or coach on the subject of selfish or pushy people and he was brilliant I look forwards to this presentation.

Seems to me that it’s actually easier to take critical from your child then it is from a spouse. It’s just different. The man I’m with had a absent mother and father and missed out on a healthy childhood...i feel he takes it out on me. When a child is critical there is not really something underlining that causes it. And they are children so it’s expected. When a grown man is criticizing chronically to their spouse there is baggage they have brought into the relationship. And when a grown adult can seek help for their behavior and they don’t that is inexcusable. There is no excuse for someone who brings baggage from a pervious relationship. And I got to say that my husband is literally irritated when I’m happy, more so if someone outside of him makes me smile or feel good. He can’t stand it! He has no excuses when he will not obtain help!

I've being doing this and he follows me until he makes me angry

Another words don't take it personally. It's the critisizers own fair and insecurities.

My boyfriend blamed me for a steak knife that is missing. We don't know where it is, but for some reason it is my fault and since I won't buy another set, he is cancelling our plans for this weekend. lmao. The funniest point of this video is it's them not you. So why do you have to change?

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My wife says I don't care when I try this strategy

My partner is a hypocrite. He is overbearing, lazy, short tempered and over opinionated.

Call them out if its just to much and consitant, it needs to stop,often a critical partner is projecting their own bullshit onto you.

The key to not taking it personally is to have other people to be with you.... when you are alone it's hard to see that it's the critical spouse. I mean it is hard to not go insane...

But I've tried this...I've also tried to walk away...stay away...tell him I think its great you are perfect! But he always responds with....He will respond with "I'm not perfect BUT..." and he doesn't let up! No matter what I say. No matter what I do! UNTIL I blow up! Then he tells me "Its over. I'm not dealing with this you need help." If I just stay away or walk away he will pick it up where he left off later. There is no winning for me. :( I have no idea what on earth he wants but maybe its a robot. I have no idea how it is he excepts me to respond but apparently I do that wrong too!

Never understood why people do this. Being "right" never built a good relationship, and "having a point" never gave someone a great sex life. It's like they forget what the purpose of a relationship is. Instead of fault-finding, just focus on doing your job... accepting your partner, keeping your negativity to yourself, and doing your part to keep the relationship a safe, peaceful, and calm space for you both. As a romantic partner, that's your job. If you just can't do the 'job', then just as in the work world, maybe you need to 'quit' (break up) and get a new job (relationship). Now, if this problem keeps recurring with every relationship, then maybe you need to stop pretending that the problem is your partner. What are the odds that everyone is a fuck-up but you? Nil. You're the fuck-up, not your partner, so own that fact and start fixing yourself (better social skills, medication for depression or anxiety, learning to be a positive person, etc.)

This is great!!

My wife is narcissistic and demands me to babysit her all the time.

People born under the astrological sign Virgo are born to be critical. Also a Moon Virgo, Mars and Venus Virgo will be critical too. Also those who have inherited Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder aim for perfection, they often suffer body dysmorphic disorder and self criticism leads to mental illness. The best antidote is humour because these people don't really realise they have a problem.

I guess the best is to spend some good 5 years knowing the person get past through the 2 years of stupidity (butterflies), if possible live together. Then you should really get to know and adapted.

A critical spouse is an anchor in your life especially if you are a forward thinking positive person. At some point there will need to be a serious discussion on the future of the relationship if the critical behavior continues.

I so wish I could go to a conference or marriage camp with this guy! I'm afraid to even get out of bed due to the criticism.... I'm so exhausted.

Such great advice ! Thanks 🙏

MEN'S NEEDS M1. HONOUR & RESPECT (EXEMPLIFIED IN TRUST) ~ Stop trying to educate your man. ~ Stop trying to supervise your man. ~ A wife who communicates without harshness . . . will be taken notice of. ~ Praise your man whenever he works . . . with you and not against you. ~ Remind your man of his potential without trickery. ~ Remind your man why you married him without trickery !! M2. SEXUAL VALIDATION ~ A wife shouid balance honesty with sensitivity . . . until all round comfort is restored. ~ A woman should be totally upfront . . . about what does not work for her . . . without trickery and/or harshness, . . . and with much care about finding solutions . . . that all involved can sign up to !! M3. OPENNESS & HONESTY ~ Never let your man puzzle or fret . . . about what he might have done wrong. ~ Never invalidate your man's reasons . . . for resisting what you see as your 'wisdom' . . . (as what you see as your 'wisdom' could be pure folly), . . . but remind him without harshness not to arrogantly . . . invalidate your 'wisdom' either. ~ A wife should never keep her insecurities to herself, . . . but not burden him with these also . . . as doing either of these things will kill . . . important opportunities for joy. ~ A wife should never lose sight of who she really is . . . in her attachment to seeing herself as a mother !! WOMEN'S NEEDS W1. SECURITY ~ A husband should identify his wife's security needs . . . and fully do his part in taking care of these. ~ BUT I'VE NO IDEA HOW A HUSBAND SHOULD HELP HIS WIFE . . . WITH SECURITY NEEDS THAT ARE IRRATIONAL / DAMAGING. W2. APPRECIATION / EXCLUSIVITY / NON-SEXUAL AFFECTION ~ A husband should never miss an opportunity . . . for offering his wife genuine appreciation/ praise, . . . especially of a nature where he sees her as the only one for him. ~ A husband should stay ahead of the game . . . in responding to his wife's need . . . for appreciation, validation, and non-sexual affection !!

well this guy has a point but i guess every situation is different .For ex. "my wife is at work i'm with our kid whole day, cool we go shopping grocerys, play do his homework take a nap , i prepare a dinner for her vongole with a glass of a white wine she comes at home so everything is taken care of EXCEPT my kid is not taken a shower yet and is not in PJs and she losses it over it so everything what is taken care of doesn'T mean nothing in comparesment with that and, oh, it is NOT a school night. so she start nagging and freaking out over it, i try to ignore it one two three four times im biting my tongue and finaly i explode its like whatever i do she is gonna find something i didn't do or did it wrong (according to here) i just can't win couse she just wont stop repeating and pointing a finger at "problem " until i say something.

Marriage is where husbands learn what kind of man his wife would have preferred to marry. It’s perfectly normal for your wife to criticize you. It’s their divine right. If you don’t think so, just ask a divorce attorney!

Walk out during criticism? Thats an automatic death sentence.

Negative people hate me because I am very positive and I stick to it.

Sometimes people who are highly critical or insecure and they are narcissistic and so if they can criticize you and get a reaction then it's drama and most narcissists love drama they like to be in control if they can just turn you a little bit and turn those knobs high enough to cause a reaction then they say ole that they are in control. Criticism used to really bother me years ago I used to take it so personal and if you used to make me cry and I go into the shell and it's because I was too insecure someone somebody criticizes me I'd like to put them on the spot right away or I will say things like you think your opinion is important to me right now it isn't because I know who I am and I don't need you telling me what to do because it's not important I'm not that insecure that I have to listen to you

Noo one should get married. This idea is flawed. People should have the right to walk away from assholes. Marriage makes it harder.

this really hellped me, thanku

Every day for years... I can't not snap any more. On the edge. I think staying for the bullshit is my biggest mistake so far.

He's right. I just ignore her comments now.