Hi Ian. When I saw the subject of the video, I thought of your Dad. You'd talked about not having a good relationship with him. I've lost both of my parents and I know there are worse things than dying. Living is the hard battle, particularly living with chronic illness or progressive illness; I've had both in my family. I get where you are coming from. There are stages to go through when dealing with death, it natural, it's normal. Don't try to tamp those feelings down, it's to your benefit and health to let them have their course knowing it doesn't make you a bad person, it makes you human. People often can't express what is in their hearts. My father was not a part of my life at all , so I guess I never missed him, but I found out when I got older that he wanted to have a relationship, but he had been out of my life so long he was afraid to approach me. People many times let fear rule their life; fear of rejection, fear of the unknown. Sometimes, they're too prideful. Often they don't know or don't want to be forced to confront how their actions might have effected you. That too is human. In the end, we forgive because forgiveness heals US. We have to continue to live our lives and hopefully that life will be one of some contentment through understanding ourselves and what may motivate others. I know you would have liked to have gotten this information about the kind of man he was directly from him, but that was not the case; and we can't turn back time to make it so. We all are imperfect and don't always make good decisions, even when we know better. Let yourself be sad, angry, let yourself feel whatever you need to in order to get to a place of peace; and a measure of peace will come, with time. People have faults and those faults don't disappear because they're no longer with us. We can acknowledge them and the things they did that impacted our lives in a negative way. The thing is, we separate the person from their acts. We may hate the act, but still love the person. That may confound us, but again, that's part of being human. The other thing; talk to people, as much as you need to talk. There is a healing in voicing your feelings, your hurts, your disappointment, your anger and sense of loss. Although we can't be there with you, we can lend an ear and offer you support and understanding. Big hugs and much affection.

So sorry for your loss, it has a big affect on your life. I lost my Dad 16 years ago, still a very sad loss. Looking at you today, 2024, you look so much younger without your facial hair. You have a pretty good handle on your relationship with your Dad. It’s very understandable.

Thank you for this video, Ian. My Mom has MS and is bedridden. I feel so guilty for being frustrated about how long this has been going on & wondering how long it's going to continue, but seeing her like this is unbearable. I also understand how hard it can be to lose someone when you didn't have the relationship you wish you would have had with them. I think it can make it even more difficult to deal with because you feel regret & guilt on top of grief. I'm so sorry for your loss. Sending you big hugs & comfort.

Awww Ian, getting in touch with feelings is always good, im glad you shared with us. Im a feely-touchy girl and share a lot i know… sometimes thats how we heal, grow and move forward and thats good arnt we lucky we have you tube! Have a blessed love filled day my friend! 🫶🏽

Thank you for this message Ian. I pray that it does help someone and I pray that this was healing for you as well. I get it when you talk about a difficult relationship with Dad. The guilt that comes with feeling like I wasn't a good enough daughter because Dad chose to distance himself fom me... I get it. It is HARD. You are absolutely right. And I get it when you say you experienced a depth of grief that was unexpected because you had that emotional distance so you figured it wouldn't hurt as much.... yup I felt that too. Grief groups help a lot with this kind of thing. Talking with others who have gone through this process of working through these emotions helps a lot. As a society we do not deal well with grief and we don't deal well with talking about difficult relationships. We are a "sound bite" society and we do have a public persona that we put on when we go out of the house. I know that I do it. I don't show my deep hurts and feelings to others outside of my home... and sometimes even inside my home. There is a lot of pretending going on in the world. Thank you for not pretending and being true and honest. Well done! (((hugs)))

I am so sorry for your loss, Ian. No matter how prepared we think we are, we are never totally prepared. I had a wonderful relationship with my father. He was my strongest supporter, particularly after I came out at the age of 45, and I was Daddy's girl all my life, so I can't say I know how you feel having been at odds with your father, but I do know that when he fell and was never the same afterwards, I prayed his suffering would be short. For him, death was the only way out of that suffering; the doctors couldn't find anything wrong with him that was fixable. Death was a blessing, and yes, I prayed for that. I do have a sibling who has caused me a lot of grief, however, and I am sure that no matter how our relationship works out, I will grieve for her if she goes before me. I grieve for her now. Thank you for sharing this personal journey with me. I am keeping you in my thoughts.

I cried and cried for you and myself, It was brave of you to do this video, I hope it made you feel better. I t is a long journey but does get "easier" with time. Do take care and receive my healing and comforting hugs. xox

So very sorry for your loss! God bless you Ian!

I'm sorry for your loss, Ian. Grief is a complicated process and your situation is amplified a bit. Please know you are not alone, either and there are friends, new and old, who are there for you if you need it. Don't be afraid to reach out. Hugs for you.

I am so sorry you lost your father, Ian. It's hard I know, I lost my mother back in 2011, then my father in 2012 and on Jan 2, 2017 I lost my big sister and I am still trying to get over her loss as it was sudden and I didn't see it coming. I hope you heal soon and I'll say many prayers for you and your family. Your are correct in saying we are not alone. God bless you and keep you strong.

Thank You. Eloquently said hugs to you. Hope your heart is not so heavy.

Ian, I am so sorry for your loss and your struggle to reconcile your feelings for your dad. You are a good person and your feelings matter. Time will give you many perspectives for what your are going through. More important than anything else is that you are able to come to terms with your true self. Hugs.

So sorry for your loss....you are in my thoughts...Love and Light 💖💖💖💖💖

I'm very sorry for your loss Ian. You're very brave to do this video and I'm sure you helped a lot of people out there. My prayers go out to you and your family. Stay strong.

Thank you for sharing your story Ian. You are correct in that you are not alone, we each carry our own burdens and many of us do think we're the only ones who have them. Keep doing what your doing, you have certainly inspired many people including myself! Take care.

I'm so sorry for your loss Ian. Thank you for being real. Your feelings are your own and no one should try to judge you for that. ❤️

Your a strong guy ian, sending love thoughts well wishes for you i lost my grandparents 3 days apart i can relate to what you are going thru on so many levels. -- in solidarity -- mike

Hugs. Ian please know I am here for you anytime. Love you

I am so sorry that you never had a good relationship to your father. That’s really hard. Yes don’t hold on to this peoples they are not your friends at all. And it’s ok to feel that. He surely made a lot but I think it should be the most important to be good to your family. Sometimes through a loss we learn see people you are next to us in another way. That can be so hard. I am so with you and you are really not a lone.

So sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your story, and know that you are not alone. {{HUGS}}

OMG, I’m so sorry for your loss Ian. Your story hit home with me because my mom and I had a very rocky relationship even up until the end. At my moms funeral I had people come up to me and tell me how much my mom was such a special person in their lives. I could see the love my mom had for my brother and it still hurts to this day. I never felt real love from my mom. After she passed, I asked my dad if my mom loved me and he couldn’t answer that, so that really hurt. Luckily I had an aunt who helped me get through my grief. Everything you are saying about your dad, is so true of what happened with my mom. My mom was diagnosed with colon cancer that spread to her liver and she was given the option to extend her life with palliative chemotherapy which she chose, but she was in denial and thought she was going to get better, and she was a nurse her whole life. I was in the medical field and knew the truth, so unfortunately we fought until the end. It is so true that no one sees what happens inside the family unit. Thank you for sharing your story. Love you Ian, take care.

So sorry for your loss. Stay strong and keep faith.

Once again.... I am so sorry for the loss Ian and for everything you have been going through. I am sure you helped more than 1 with this video!! Thanks for sharing!! Take care of yourself! Got you and your family in my thoughts!! Hugssss

hi Ian, I'm sorry for your loss. No one is ever prepared for a death. my granny passed away in the beginning of august of this year. I'm sending you my love to you and your family.

You and your family are in my prayers!

so sorry for your loss Ian.

Thank you Ian for this video. I can relate on so many levels. You are NOT alone. Virtual Hugs ~ Mike

so sorry for your loss ian massive hugs xx

Ian sometimes it's easier to be kind to a stranger than to one's own family.. With his family he had expectations of the way he wanted things...he may have been rigid and set in his feelings. and maybe was impossible to change his beliefs.. So he may have emotionally cut his feelings off towards you and your family because he had expectations that didn't come for him. Also that is something you cannot control. He had to deal with them as they were on his side of the experience You can only be who you are...if he rejected you because of some of his beliefs is not your fault.. People are who they are and to try and be other than who you are would be a lie. He could bend a little to be more humane but he may have not been able to bend or meet you half way. You will have to agree to disagree. and still be kind and go your own way. you did your best and that's the best you could do. Be at peace in knowing his pain is over and is released and not suffering anymore. One day things may change down the road as in life things always are evolving and changing. Also you may be feeling badly because it awakened feeling you thought you had worked through but didn't. Now you will be working through them and be at peace with yourself... If you care about someone you do want their suffering to come to an end. I can so understand that. It sounds cruel for the moment but when you really thing about it ...it's not. Who wants to see anyone suffer. Death is mercy for that person. So let him go and be at peace and you be at peace too. Just be the best man you can be while on this earth...Move forward with more wisdom. take care and GB and sorry for your loss. It is a loss because the mending of the wounds never got settled. So for you it is something that never happened and that is the loss. pat............good luck Ian.

Oh I am so sorry to hear of your loss my friend. I understand completely having to care for my grandfather and watch my grandma to decline in health. It takes long to get over the sorrow. Prays Jesus comforts you and your family. Remember it’s hard to show family the love you have for them. Stay close with Jesus he’ll pull you though this my friend .

I'm so sorry for your loss Ian.

Sending you big hugs ! Thank you for sharing this, your raw emotion will help so many people. Be kind to yourself

I’m so sorry, what a devastating loss

l really understand. My relationship with my mother is very strained. My father passed when l was a year old and l guess she didn't have anything left to give her children after. lm 50 now and have came to except the situation. lm so glad you did this video. It made me think alot. xo

I'm so sorry for your loss.😥

{{{hugs}}}. Just because you had a difficult relationship with your Dad doesn't mean he didn't love you. I wish you could have felt that. So sorry for your loss.

I love your story... god bless u

I’m so sorry 🙏🙏🙏

❤️

My dad die at 64. It was hard to accept.

Yeah It was sort of. This like me