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Objectives of Dialectical Behavior Therapy ( dbt )
~ Define interpersonal effectiveness
~ Examine the goals of interpersonal effectiveness
~ Identify barriers to interpersonal effectiveness
Definition and Goals of the dbt skill interpersonal effectiveness
~ Interpersonal effectiveness is the ability to ask for what you want and need, and say no to unwanted requests
~ By getting your needs met and being able to set boundaries you:
~ Will feel more respected
~ Reduce anger and resentment
~ Reduce stress
~ Free up energy to help you meet your goals
Goals of Interpersonal Effectiveness
~ Get others to do things you want them to do
~ Get others to take you seriously
~ Effectively say no to unwanted requests
~ Strengthen current relationships
~ Find and build new relationships
~ End hopeless relationships
Barriers
~ Lack of effective communication skills
~ Lack of clarity about what you want from others
~ Difficulty balancing your needs and the other person’s needs
~ Emotions get in the way
~ You sacrifice long term goals for short term relief/urges
~ Other people get in the way
~ Other people are more powerful than you
~ Need for external validation
~ Beliefs that you don’t deserve what you want
Summary
~ Interpersonal effectiveness is more than just communication skills
~ It requires that you know what your wants and needs are
~ Helps you effectively ask for those wants and needs
~ Troubleshoot why you might not be getting your needs met
~ Take action to improve the situation
~ Develop healthy, sustainable (albeit not perfect) relationships.
~ Identify ways to address the barriers to interpersonal effectiveness
Communication Skills DEAR MAN
~ DEAR
~ Describe in specific, objective terms
~ Clean house
~ Being supportive
~ Dressed appropriately
~ Irritable
~ What terms do you often have disagreements about?
~ Express feelings and opinions using “I” statements
~ Describe a situation and notice and correct yourself each time you don’t use an “I” statement to express feelings and opinions.
Communication Skills DEAR MAN
~ DEAR
~ Assert
~ Ask for what you want
~ Don’t expect mind reading
~ Reinforce by explaining the benefits to the other person ahead of time. (win/win)
~ If I get/you do this, the benefit to you will be…
~ Think about 3 occasions when you wanted someone to do something for you. How could you have made it a win/win?
Communication Skills DEAR MAN
~ MAN
~ Mindfulness
~ Stay focused on your goal
~ Ignore diversion techniques-blaming, magnification, justification or switching topics
~ Practice identifying and responding these techniques in movies/tv shows
~ Blaming: 2 and 3
~ Magnification: Highlight exceptions
~ Justification: Highlight the consequences
~ Switching Topics: Acknowledge you heard it and table it for later
Communication Skills DEAR MAN
~ MAN
~ Appear confident in verbal and nonverbal behavior
~ What is the difference between confidence and aggressiveness?
~ Mentally rehearse what confidence looks like
~ Find one or two people who have this quality and study them.
~ Imagine them handling the situation
Communication Skills DEAR MAN
~ Negotiate
~ Offer and ask for other solutions
~ Write it down if needed
~ Give time for reflection
~ Compromise
~ How can both of you get the majority of your needs met?
~ Say no, but offer alternatives
~ Think about three situations when you said no (or wanted to) in the past. What alternatives could you have proposed?
Getting Clarity
~ How important is…
~ Getting what you want
~ What, exactly, do you want, and how can the other person provide this.
~ Feel better
~ Fix it
~ Know you will never leave
~ Keeping the relationship
~ Maintaining your self-respect
Summary
~ DEAR MAN stands for
~ Describe
~ Express
~ Assert
~ Reinforce
~ Mindfulness
~ Appear confident
~ Negotiate
~ To effectively accomplish these things, you must have clarity about what you want and how getting or not getting it will impact your self respect and relationship(s) cheap ce