Here are my two cents on the subject: Growing up in Sweden I never expected to be offered food at a friends house when visiting unannounced, like tagging along with a friend after school. But I was almost always offered food, I can probably count on one hand the number of times I was asked to wait while my friend had dinner. The rule (in my family at least) was to call home and ask if it was OK to eat at the friend's place. Sometimes my parents would say yes, sometimes they would say no, it mostly depended on if they had started cooking dinner at home yet or not. It could also depend on how often I had eaten dinner at that friend's place in the resent past. If I'd been there a lot my parents would tell me to come home and eat instead, as they didn't want me to become a burden for my friends families.

As a Norwegian around 60 years old i can say that how it was in Norway back in the 70`s and 80`s the reason was because everyone was supposed to eat at fixed hours in their own family. So if we actually had to call the other family to ask if it was ok to feed my friend. And ofc none of this was considered strange back then. And was more or less same in all Scandinavia. I was at age 12 visiting in Copenhagen (1974). And when in new friends house they ate while i listened to music in friends room. Bcause i was the house i stayed in was planning to make dinner an hour later and ofc making enuff formalso me. Back then it was like « how to plan how much food to make for dinner if they did not know how many to prepare for «. Its just planning.

This was very common for us kids in the 70’s. We didn’t think of it as being a ‘bad thing’ back then. As you mentioned, all kids had their own family and their own dinner time. Sometimes I went over to my friend directly after I’d eaten to play or to go outside and play. “-well, you can come in, we’re about to eat dinner, so you can wait in my room in the meantime”. I didn’t mind, cause I had just ate. However, some families was quite poor, so they was perhaps a bit ashamed with what they were eating. They didn’t want to show this to the visiting child who then would tell his or her family what they ate. Sometimes one of the parents actually would ask the visiting child if he or she would like to have dinner with them?, but almost always the answer would be “-No thanks, it’s ok, I have just ate”. Or: “No thanks, I will eat later at my place”. The third…and most common reason would be to say “No, thanks, It’s ok, I’ll wait here” because it was a actually bit scary and awkward, and It felt like invading of their privacy. We Swedes do strange things sometimes. We are a bit introverted and don’t want to let people come too close. But we are nice people when you get to know us. 😊

This is hardly an issue today. I have always made food for children's friends and my children also gets food in their friends place. I just ask their friends to call home first to ask if it is okay. This is rather a thing from the old times like 80s and 90s when I were a kid. First, we did not have mobile phones. You could not sms the parents on your way home from work and decide something. There were no way for parents to communicate with other parents except if both of them were in their homes to call on a land line. Or if they had talked the day before. Second, my mother always said to me when to be home so I could eat dinner. Today I just send one sms to my child. Will you eat at home? Okay dinner at 17:30. This "swedengate-thing" is so stupid.

Well the difference is that in many countries, especially the US kids don't just walk or cycle home from school as we do in Sweden. They arrange so called "play dates" for the kids to partake in. In Sweden there is no such thing. A kid ask another kid or q few if they want to go home to his/her place after school. When they get there they will eat a snack or whatever. When it's close to dinnertime pretty much everyone goes home since they know that their own parents have prepared food for them. Sure, it might be an hour later but I'm sure they don't Starve.

I think this mostly comes down to communication context and misunderstandings. First are the "Guests" (kids) planned or unplanned? Did the parents know they were coming? Had they talked with the parents of that child about them coming over? Also how far away does the other kid live? Do they live next door or on the other side of town? All of these matter... Since if the next door kid show up unannounced 5 minutes before dinner time i don't think it should be considered weird to have them either wait in your kids room while your kid eats if they plan to play there or they could even wait in the hall or outside if they are going to play outside or somewhere else. But if you know that a kid is bringing a friend and you have talked with the kids parents so you know that the kid is supposed to stay until dinner and they are ok with their kid eating at your place then ofc they will feed them. I would say the biggest factor is probably communication, If they know they are supposed to and have permission to then they will feed them. But if they can't get in contact with the other kids parents and don't know what the plans are or if they are allowed to etc then it becomes more complicated. This is also the primary reason why this was more of a thing in the past when it was harder to get in touch with the other kids parents to coordinate things. Also another important thing regarding the stories people have been telling. The way a person experiences and remembers something can often differ significantly from what actually happened and this is especially true when talking about kids. So a lot of these stories are likely misunderstandings or just out of context. I have never experienced a situation where i was refused food when at a friend's house... So while i have had experiences where i waited while a friend and his family ate it was Either because i had already eaten before i came there or because i knew my parents were coming to pick me up in the next 15-30 minutes and that i would eat at home. (Either because i just preferred to eat at home or if i knew that my mother was cooking something in particular.) And i refuse to think that this was somehow wrong or that this exact same situation does not also occur in every other country in the world...

I was born in 1990 in Sweden and this might have happened a few times in my childhood (between 95/96 to early 2000's). This is my take: 1. It was never about not being able to afford another plate of food. Perhaps in some families, but definitely not commonplace. 2. Whenever I had my friends over or when I was at their place, it was almost always unannounced to my/their parents, meaning that sometimes there simply wasn't enough food for everybody. Bear in mind that it wasn't always just one guest, but sometimes 2 or even 3. So family of 3 sharing their cooked food for 5 or 6 isn't feasible. On the other hand, we often got offered cookies, popcorn or other snacks if we were over earlier in the day. 3. In my experience, a lot of kids around ages 5-12 are quite peckish about food. Even if my parents would offer my friends dinner, they would often answer with "depends what's for dinner", and if it wasn't something they had had before or if it had a weird name, they'd just decline and prefer to wait another hour or two until it's dinner time at their place. 4. Usually our parents knew the other kid's parents and knew that they eat dinner at different times. They knew that the other family already has a warm plate ready whenever they go home. So it's not like our parents left the other kids starving. Obviously at sleepovers we always got dinner and breakfast, but those were always arranged beforehand. 5. Finally, for many it really is "sacred family time". I had friends over 2 or 3 days a week, and the remaining days I was over at their place. Obviously for the parents it would be quite intrusive to have guests over even at the dinner table almost every day. I never ever experienced it as parents being stingy. It really isn't about that. It's about food preferences, allergies, convenience, etc. In my experience, as kids we would (on the contrary to what people seem to think) often be HAPPY NOT to eat dinner with the other family, because that meant that you didn't need to be polite and wait until everyone has eaten up and until you and your friend are excused to leave the table - instead you could play on while your friend "had to" go eat. I never felt weird about it as a kid and never felt left "outside" or otherwise excluded, and never hungry either.

USA can stop being concerned about how we in Sweden treat our guests.. start looking at your school shootings and gun laws instead. If i don't want to feed my guests.. that's up to me. So stupid thing from the beginning.

It isn't waiting in the hallway as being sent out. It's a kid ringing the doorbell asking if Lisa can come out and play or if they can come visit and the parents saying that Lisa has to eat dinner before she is allowed to play or invite someone. Happened a lot when I was a kid and you'd just go and check which friends were at home and wanted to play. I had a watch and knew when I had to be home for my own dinner. My mom always asked if my friends wanted to eat but they usually ate at home as well.

Option 3 is the main reason at last for me growing up in the 70th. You where expected at home for dinner at a fixed time. There where nothing call a playdate in sweden the kids roamed around the community on our bikes with our friends or we could be like 5 childs playing at a friends house. Everyone had a fixed dinner time and that time where the only time we interacted with the family during daytime. If we where on a "playdate" we where very far from home and probably had a sleepover and then we where fed by that family. If was at a friend house i always got like icecream, fika, candy and other eatable stuff it was only dinner they eat by them self because the know the other children also had fixed dinner times.

I clearly remember waiting in my friend's room while he was away (often quickly) to have dinner. This happened more than once in the 90s when I grew up. That being said, I also know that I was offered food occasionally, probably depending on if it wasn't dinner time at my house or if I wasn't there when the rest of the family ate. Or, I had to run off home to grab dinner with my own family. It all varied but yes, it happened. That story of the girl having to wait in the hallway - oh my God, that is extreme! Never heard anything like that.

I died over this swedengate thing! Does people dont have anything better to do, ofc we feed friends if the son or daughter has a friend over ofc she/he gets food aswell. We are not egoistic! 🤣

Option three is most correct, in the 70-80's the meal time was usually at a set time but different from family to family, when over at a friends house kids would always get asked to join but only after the parents picked up the wired phone and call the kids parents to see if it was okey, sometimes it was other times not when the kid was going to eat in half an hour or something at home, nothing strange I think but like everything it gets blown out of proportions on the interweb.

I mostly had the feeling like if I was offered food at a friend's house and called and asked my parents if I could eat there, it would sometimes be a disruption of my parents planning. Often the other parents would ask what time my family ate and if the times weren't the same I would probably wait, or play outside, or go home when they ate because food would be served at home within not too long time. Mellanmål, after school snacks, were almost always offered.

It feels so unfortunate it becomes such a big deal. For us, it has been that friends always went home for dinner on weekdays. It has simply been a good limit. Then the family has had the opportunity to talk about the day and then relax in peace and quiet and prepare for the coming day. If friends have been left after dinner to play, it will be way too much, then the child may not rest until ten o'clock, which is far too late if you have to get up with the parents between five and six in the morning and leave early in preschool. 😕

This was normal for me too when I grew up in Norway. If I followed a friend over to his house straight after school, I would most of the time stay in his room or entertainment room while he ate with his family. Same would be the case the other way around if a friend followed me home. Totally normal, did not give it a thought. Sometimes the mom would ask if I wanted to eat with them, but most of the time I answered "no" as a courtesy because eating with them would be weird. Like I did not "know" his parents or his siblings and sitting around the dinner table would be so awkward I feel like. I did not find this weird at all. However, if the visit was planned and I was supposed to sleep over, then of course I would expect to get food, but just casually joining a friend after school or football practice to play FIFA or something at his house then hell no. Unless they where eating something really good like pizza or something and I knew we were having fish at home, then maybe I would say yes. Otherwise my dinner would be ready for me when I got home.

No, this has nothing to do with saving money. In the old Scandinavian agricultural society the hallway and kitchen was a public place, not private. That mean that anyone could walk into someone's house without nocking and walk into the kitchen. No doors was ever locked. However, you were not considered a guest if you were not invited. And it was considered very bad manners to accept food if you vere not invited in advance. Offering food to a kid that just showed up was considered spoiling them, teaching them very bad manners. Today that would be equal to teaching someone else's kid how to shop lift or draw graffiti. As a kid I remembered that no kid was allowed to eat at our house before calling home and asking their parents for permission. No all parents gave permission, they did not want their kids spoiled. You were of course a guest if you hade an invitation in advance and then you were treated white the best food the house could offer.

This was common when I grew up in the 60s and 70s. We kids run in and out of each others homes totally unplanned. We would always get a snack ("mellanmål") in the house where we happened to be when it was time for that. But dinner we mostly ate at home and for good reasons I think. From the mums perspective, one day your kids would be at a friends house at dinnertime, the other day your kids and three or four (or more) of their friends would be at your house. And we would move quickly from house to house, maybe deciding to go to someone else's house 30 minutes before their dinner time. How on earth would the poor mothers know how much dinner to make? Also most parents would like their kids to eat dinner at home as this would be the only time the whole family had the chance to really meet and talk. It did happen that we ate at our friends of course, but mostly as a planned thing, and never without the parent inviting you checking with your parents first. Personally I mostly liked waiting in my friends rooms. It was rather nice to have a little play-time all by myself with some one else's toys. :-)

My experience is, as a mother with children born in the 80s and 90s, that before offering dinner to childrens friends the friend had to call their parents if they could eat dinner with us and it was mostly a no from that parent. They almost always wanted their child to eat at home. It was only childrens friends with parents that we was close friends with also, that was ok with the child eating with us. So it was almost rude to ask my childrens friends if they wanted to eat with us.

I can see how this seems weird for people who live in places where you have playdates and you get driven to and from your friends houses by your parents though. However, when you live in an environment where kids are roaming freely between friends houses (Like up here in Northern Sweden where I grew up) one of the ways parents kept track of the kids (before cell phones) was to have a set time where the kids were supposed to be home and eat otherwise the kids could be gone from morning to bedtime without anyone knowing where they were. If another family offered food, the parents of that family were expected to inform the other parents that the kid was not coming home for dinner, or else the kid might get in trouble for missing dinner time. It was also not uncommon for there to sometimes be five or more kids at the same house several times a week. People who lived closest to playgrounds and things like that had much more kids in their houses and couldn't be expected to feed them all, all the time. The easiest way was just to have a rule that everyone went home and ate at their own home and meet up again after. One rule for everyone. The parents could check in on the kids, ask where they'd been and where they were going, make sure everything was ok, talk about family stuff and so on. You were almost always offered fika at fika time at friends houses though, but you better get your butt home at dinner time. It had nothing to do with money or being inhospitable. Giving a kid food only makes sense if the parents of that kid knows where the kid is and that they are in fact being fed. Otherwise those parents are going to get worried and start looking.

It happened to me also when I was a child and I don’t find it strange at all. I think it has to do alot with planning also apart from the other reasons listed below. My parents always had a specific time for dinner and I was expected to be home by then. If I was eating somewhere else I had to call home and tell them that I was eating at my friends place. But it was on rare occasions. My parents had planned and cooked for us so it would be enough. And I don’t think it is so much about money, more about conserving food and not wasting it by having to throw it away. For us it was also about family time and talking with eachother. With working parents and after school activities there would not be much time over with the family on weekdays other than at the table. I think I as a parent also will prefer my kids eating at home.

I remember this too from the 90s, early 00s. Reason no.3 is the one I remember as being the reason. Often it would be ok to eat with your friends though, but you were asked to call your house and ask permission first. I remember it was a joy to get permission to do so because it meant you could stay at your friends for an extra hour or so.

When I lived in America no one offered me food at visits...should we make a big deal of that too ? If no...why not ?

It was never about my friends parents not feeding me. It was about my parents already having cooked food and valuing family dinners, we also lived 50 meters from most friends. I have never gotten a no to eating at a friends house from a friend or their family, only from my parents. I remember also being told part of the reason was not to create financial strain and expectations on other households which might be in a rougher economic situation and really cant afford feeding 5 kids extra every day. Cookies, ice cream and snacks to my experience was still common and sometimes their parents would insist.

A fourth reason would be a culture of "owing" a meal to someone else's kid. Family A invites the friend to the table, who later tells the parents of family B who in turn might feel obligated to return the "favor". And thus a circle of offering a meal is created. As swedes we tend to want to avoid that.

I'm a child of the 80s. Depending on what interest we had at the time and whoever had the toy or facilities to facilitate that interest we'd spend morning to night except for school hours at the same persons house for months at a time. If we had gone American rules someone's parents would have had to feed 5 extra kids every day for months. The parents of the other children would have never seen their kids except in bed. I honestly don't know how this would even work without the Swedish model. I can only assume that people play differently in other countries and bring home like one or two friends once in a while. That literally like never happened during my entire childhood. We were an inseparable 80s movie crew. You want to go American style, plan for three times the normal food amount every single day when you cook. You'd never know if this was the day we decided Nintendo was our new interest and the Swamp gang (that's what we called us) came by. Maybe kids just and play alone at their computers nowadays or something, but back then being prepared to feed all the kids every day would have been an insane undertaking.

Thank u for pointing this out❤️

This happened to me! LOL crazy, thought it was just that family but I guess not. Tacky! Weird thing is I brought it up to that friend years later but she has no recollection of it.

this happened to me a few times my family did not do that to my friend but his did it towards me, i think its because the parents did not know each other or was not on friendly terms and were not comfortable knowing another family was providing food when they themselves have gone through the time and effort to prepare a loving meal to their kids and family.

A guest is one thing, but the children (neighbors) who run in and out, sometimes several times a day, are another thing! So you have to give food, up to 10 children a day, to be a fellow human being? As a single mother, the whole world may consider me stingy then, I really don’t have the money for that!

This is so stupid. The world is falling apart and this is what people gets upset about?? WOW...

This have rarely occured during my Swedish child hood but when it did my mom made sure to tell the parents they where arseholes if they did not feed me or call and make sure when I was supposed to eat.

I am born and raised in southern Sweden (born nearly 60 years ago) and I have never experienced this. Not at my friends house or at my parents house when I had friends at home. This was totaly new information for me when I heard about it a few days ago.

During my childhood I was sometimes offered food at my friend's table, but mostly not and I never expected it.

You wont get food at your friends place if it isnt planned. If your friend calls their parents and asks they will almost always say yes, that is if your parents say yes as well ofcourse.

We talked a lot about this at work. It was very clear that for most people this was just family time before the parents got to tired. Also it was pretty well understood between parents that they shouldn't feed each others kids without first confirming. It kind of makes sense to me. But then I talked to my father, and he mentioned something that, of course, might be a local thing: the kids in my area, as many kids are, were picky eaters and parents were also scared that they'd be embarrassed by their kids. I had this happen a lot, sometimes even waiting outside if the weather was good. But I also stayed for dinner a lot. It was also very common to be asked about dinner - but after doing the wrong thing, according to your parents, you knew that you were expected to eat at home. I'm not sure, but maybe this is a thing stemming from both parents working being very common for a long time in Scandinavia?

This was more common before mobile phones. In the 80s/90s you probably could not contact the child parents to ask if you can feed their child, therefor it was considered polite to just trust in their parenting and don’t give the child food.

As some have already pointed out, the 70s and 80s were such a different time compared to now. Kids today seem to live such super-organized lives, with "play dates" organized in advance by their parents, which may involve the kid being driven by car over to their friends. A life like that was unheard of when I was a child (I'm born in 1972). After school ended, around 2-4 pm, and our parents came home, typically around 6.30, we were basically feral. There was no way the parents could find out where we were, what we were doing, or who we were with. The city where I grew up had lots of large military training areas nearby, and we often went on excursions there, trying the army training courses, and looking for ammo the conscripts might have dropped. We used to crack the rounds open and do fun stuff with the powder inside and some matches. And sometimes we ended up unannounced at somebody's home. We usually didn't expected to be fed, and unless they were making pancakes or something similarly special we usually weren't fed.

I find it more disturbing that people from around the world seem to think its obvious to share dinner with all their children's friends that are visiting them with no regards for disrupting any and all dinner plans the other family might have had for that day. You might think you are being kind or whatever by sharing dinner with your kids friend but you could just as well also have ruined their parents day that are home making some fancy dinner or have plans to go out to eat or whatever but instead they now have to panic make something quick and easy to feed themselves and postpone their plans for another day when their child can eat dinner too. A fun surprise for any parent when their kid comes home when they should be eating dinner, only for the kid to tell them "whops, ate dinner at X's house!". Also think its partly due to a lot of Sweden being much more "local" than perhaps many other countries where this is more common, especially parts of the US where you need a car or take the bus to get anywhere so if someone is visiting your house it a bit of a thing. When I grew up, like half my school class lived within easy walking distance from me, 6+ being so close we ran between houses within minutes. I know at least from my own experience that the times I was at a friends home that lived further away, it was much more likely that I was asked when my dinner time was and if it was like an hour to go, then asked if I wanted to eat dinner with them(with parental approval first ofc). Just seems a bit insane to me that people think that just because my friends family is eating dinner between 16-17 while my own family ate dinner around 18 and me "visiting" my friend one house over almost every day of the week means that I should have grown up almost never eating dinner at home.

I think it is mostly about planning and lack of time in busy weekdays. Remember that both parents work at least full time. The dinner is maybe the only time the family get together. All come home and have a certain dinnertime and dinnertype. It is a rule to join. After dinner all are doing their own acivities again. And there is maybe no time to replan a decent dinner for more people that is not planned for. We have no housewife staying home and are flexible to cook a dinner to extra people every weekday. It s very much different on weekends and holiday when the parents have time to rearrange depending how many people are in the house at the moment. And also, most parents value that their own childs are spending the dinner with their own family. So of course if a parent and its child prefer its child to eat at a friends house and don’t got invited to the table, they will be dissapointed. Dissapointments are always about your own expectations. If you expect/ and respect that you are going to eat with your own family at a certain time, you don’t feel less welcome not be invited to your friends dinner eating another time. Its not about money. Its about common values and respect also for other familiys plans and shortage of time in weekdays for this familydinner. Of course people with other culturues does not agree or understand. If you dont have had rules for your kids to eat at home a certain time every day there will be other impression of this. I invited my sons friend for dinner when I had time, but not without asking their parents if it was okay. They may have plans for their dinner, and it is rude to take over that familys plans.

What ppl dont understand is that having dinner is a family thing in Sweden. As a kid born in the 80s in Sweden I was always offered food at my friend's house. However, it was quite common that i said no as I would be having dinner with my own family later on in the evening.

When, I was kid in the 80'ties, when my friend had dinner, I went home and had dinner at home. Everyone in Sweden traditionally eats dinner around 5 pm-ish, so it felt normal for me.

I'm a little bit older, so my childhood (when i go to visit friends) was in the late -60 up to the -70 and i will say that this happen. Some of my friends parents never invite for food or cookies and lemonad . But most of the others do. To their defens was that they were poor and some of them had a very strange familysituation. My parents always invite my friends ( one or two) to the table. But sometime when we was 5-6 kids playing around then my parents say no.

I never thought this was strange at all. The world is talking as if we starve our kids lol. I had dinner waiting for me at home!!!! Sometimes the parents would call one another and ask if it is okay that the child ate there. But most of the time, I just sat in the room waiting. I didn't question it. I mostly just felt like it was awkward and boring sitting in a room by myself for 30 minutes. It is hard to come up with a game to play by yourself. And I agree with the point that dinner time is kind of sacred. Most parents don't see each other or their kids until dinner time and they have been socializing with classmates and co-workers all day. So I don't think it is that strange or wrong to just want dinner time to yourself.

I saw this on another channel the other day and my comment was this. Regardless of your culture or belief system, the only right thing to do is to offer a plate to any guest in your home, even if the guest is a non planned or surprise guest.

Could get kinda expensive if you feed some one elses kid when ever they are there at dinner time. Not to mention what their parents think when they dont eat at home. I would not feed some one elses kid unless it was planned in advance. But yeah some do some dont.

Great video. Thank you.

I see that there would be an imbalance with invitations. It is normal to be 70-80% of the time with the same friend, because he / she has the most fun games, toys, lego. And there are 3-5 children. Which means one family offers 12 times more food than the others. It does not feel right, but more like exploitation.

I was often asked if I wanted dinner when I was at friends houses. Not always, but usually. I can't say I'm absolutely sure why someone wouldn't be asked to eat, but I guess it's about planning the meal. Maybe the hosting family hadn't bought food for an extra person, or maybe my own parents had started cooking dinner with me in mind. Sometimes the hosting family even told me they would like to invite me to the table, but they didn't know I would be there so they hadn't made food for an extra person. Also, if I wanted to eat at a friends house I had to call mom and ask if it was ok to eat at a friends house. Sometimes I would get a no because... reason. Also, since there were no cellphones back then, we all had our set times to be home for dinner. And that dinner is kinda screwed up if we come home and tell mom we already ate at friends house.

It happened all the time, but once my friend forgot I was even there and had his violin practise after dinner without telling me.

Happened to me at some friends and not at some others. Didn’t think much about it.

I was a kid in the 60:s, and my exp is that when i was at a friends house, when they had dinner they axually asked me if i wanted to have food aswell. I think that was more common back then.

I dont see the problem with not being invited, and wait in another room, f´ing pathetic to blow it up like they have, who ever started this BS need to learn how it works in the country live..

Regarding the cost, keep in mind Sweden was in a bad recession in the early 90's, and food has always been expensive here, as I'm sure you have become aware of :) Feeding two or three friends multiple times a week, and unplanned visitors too can become quite expensive over time! I have waited in friend's rooms quite a lot, and have had friends waiting for me too. I don't find it strange at all. Sometimes I'd be offered food and accepted if my parents were having soup for dinner (I hated soup) and sometimes the offer at home was more alluring and I went home.

this was something that was more common in the 80s and 90s, I have experienced it myself when I played with my friend Fredrik. In my family, we always invited my friend to dinner. However, it rarely.. dont now why!

I guess I can only speak for myself, but I think it's a little bit about planning. We don't eat more than we need and we don't cook more than we eat, and if there's suddenly one more to feed (than planned for), there's simply not enough food. Something like that.

Grew up in Sweden in the 80s and 90s usually during weekdays showing up unannounced to parents then i would not be joining any dinner table but mostly almost every time there would be snacks for me in the room later on, same with my friends that showed up in my house . And on weekends i would be offerd food every now n then. I also remember that my friends parents often drove me to practice and picked me up at school etc. As a little black kid growing up in a white neighborhood i most say i think i was lucky. My childhood was awesome.

I think the most telling is, I've discussed this with some American parents, and if you frame the scenario such that you see it more from "it's that annoying Stevenson's kid that has popped over uninvied for the fifth time this week" they too realize that yeah, kid, go home. Take a hint, you've overstayed your welcome.... :)

I grew up in South Africa so that would be totally out of the question not to at least invite to a meal. If they accepted or not was another question.

Sometimes, but sometimes not. This happened to me MANY times, because i grew up in a more ghetto neighbourhood so not many could feed others sorry to say. Even if they wanted to. Sometimes i was even asked to go home, so they could eat alone and my friend could focuse on the food. But it's not everywhere

Offering a plate of food is the least you can do for your guests.

Im born late 60's and i have always been invited to eat with my friend as a child and when my kids had a friend at home with them...we invited them to eat with us. So i dont know how it is in the southern parts of the country , but up north i have never heard of this...

It might be this "playdate" thing that makes people think this is weird. In Sweden, we don't have playdates. Kids roam around, running/biking from one friends house to another firends house and out in the wild. A parent would have no idea how many people they should cook for if they cooked for the friends. If it's a family of 3, they would most likely prepare food for 3 people, and then, all of a sudden there are 5 extra kids since they decided to play football outside your house that day. That would be quite the hassle.. My parents basically knew 2 things about my whereabouts when I grew up. 1. If my bike wasn't at home, I was most likely someplace else, most likely somewhere within a 2 km radius. 2. I would be home at 18:30 to eat. So me not showing up at 18:30 to eat, that would be very bad. EDIT: If they wanted me home, they had a whistle. We had a special signal they whistled, if we (me and my brother) heard that signal, we knew we should head straight home. If we were within hearing range. Actually a really good system. And those who knew me, friends and their parents, most likely also knew what that signal meant, so I couldn't hide. :)

I never herd of this. Live on The Island Gotland and my friends allways got food. Bengt

Those points made sense

Growing up in the 70s-80s atleast for me, you were supposed to go home and eat, because after dinner it was time to do homework from school. It was simply a way for my parents to make sure I came home in time every day, before I got to tired to study.

Born in the 60´s and we were always invited to food and eat with friends, BUT it was considered common courtesy to phone my friend´s or my family and ask if it was ok. Sometimes they had a dinner planned or they had already eaten... We don´t effing starve children or exclude them willy-nilly. And sometimes it was simply "We are going to eat. Do you want to join us?" And the answer was "No. I am eating at home." Much ado about nothing.

It happened to my best friend child she is 18 now and its common dhe said. I have heard that for the first time from her like 2 months ago. Sge had to stay in the room while her friend was eating her dinner......... Sad sad sad

Sure is a thing but it's not strange in many areas since the kids live a few minutes from each other. We don't habe planned "play dates", the kids go wherever after school. And since most kids live in the area they will just go home and eat. Has never been an issue. Of course if you live on the countryside or if there is any special event you provide food. Add to this that all kids always eat a quite big snack at around 3 o'clock or so so no, no one goes hungry.

When me friend would eat dinner, I went home and ate with my own family. My Mom would not want me to disturb any other familys family time during dinner, and she expected me to be home for our family time at dinner. It was definitly NOT about money! It's not like dinner time lasted for hours, and a friend was not seen as an "intruder", it was more like we want our kids to take a break from play and eat with family. Most of the time, we did not have "play dates" back then. We just went home to someone and rang the door, or were playing outside and then went to someones house. If the visit was planned by the parents, they probably agreed to feed eachothers children.

Same here never gave it a thought, i had dinner waiting at home and if i had dinner at a friend without telling my parents they had been upset. Not like it never happend either. Dinner is important time for a lot of familes. Think ppl should be upset about other stuff that actually are bad for ppl, if kids are "starving" beacuse they spend all there time at there friends house its prob a bigger problem at home.

I think the explanation for this behavior can be explained like this: If your kind went to a neighbours house and came back with new clothes. What does that say about what that family thinks of our family? Do they think we are beggars that need to be fed and clothed? You dont't want to put yourself over someone elses family. A strange and extreme version of jante-lagen as i see it in retrospect.

In the neighboring Finland serving food to guests was a must during the horse and carriage period, when the guests would not be back home during the same day. Nobody goes hungry nowadays and people have allergies and diets - serving food is not considered important or even desirable.

I was born in 1997 in the middle of sweden and I remember this happening a lot for me and my friends growing up so I asked my mother about it. She said that the main reason for this happening was that she didn't want another family to feel like they owed our family a meal if their kid ate at my place and if I ate at a friends house she felt like she owed that family a meal. When friends was visiting from further away they where most of the time offered food since it would be the end of our play time if they were to go home to eat. This was very weird sometimes since I would sometimes have multiple friends over and one of them live far away, most of the time in these cases only the friend who lived far away was offered food. We didn't have an overflow of money but not so little that we wouldn't be able to feed a few extra mouths like twice a week or something. If a friend was sleeping over they always were offered food though. It was mostly about the owed a meal thing from what I can tell.

When I slept over I was always served breakfast ofc. but dinner is almost holy for some families and eating with them can also feel kind of awkward.

I would say it was a combination of the second and third reason why we would do this, at least for me growing up. But it is weird when looking back at it.. :D

I for sure experienced it, but i got asked if i wanted dinner too and ofcourse polite as i was/am i said no thanx.

I was a child and teenager in the 70's & 80's, and I can remember this was normal back then.

I generally wouldn't hang around, not out of spite or anything but simply to leave them be for dinner. As kids we just went home if our time there strayed into dinner time. Never expected to be fed. That being said, it doesn't hurt to always have some snack foods around for guests of any kind, especially if someone is invited for a longer half-day etc.,

Even here in the US I’ve had similar experience only one time when I got permission from my parents and friends parents to spend dinner with them otherwise I never was there for dinner time at a friends house that wasn’t something that we always did that was something that was rare and very far and few in between ever

I was grown up in 60-79th as kid, then more common with house wife. It was more regular then as a kid you did not eat at your friends hose. This because you were expected by your own family to get home to eat, which was commonly 5 min away on a bicycle. Occasionally, when you were invited to eat at your friend house you first had to contact you own ma for permission you eating at your friend house, which often she did not agree to while preparing your dinner.

Often it was not a friend or several friends of our child, so we would cook for an entire garrison or make food that is eaten and not thrown away. We chose that if the guest child / one were to stay for a weekend, of course they eat, if they are only at our meal time, they should eat in their own home later, or have they already eaten.

This is so far back in Sweden, in my father's time or grandmother's time, etc., I grew up in the 70's and my friends ate everything with us if they wanted, I with them there are many oliak cultures today that e.g. they are not allowed to bring friends home or even sit down to eat with those who move here to Sweden, so it is not just Swedish families, there are different families from other countries everywhere that they are not allowed to let friends in.

When I was a kid I experienced that. If I just came to a friends house whithout my parents or his parents knew about it in advance. Sometimes my friends parents would call my parents to ask if it was ok for them to feed me. So it was a thing between the parents. Sometimes they said no, eg, grandma is coming over for dinner or we bought 4 lobster for a special dinner so we want him to eat with us. At our house we always offered dinner for friends but sometimes it was rejected for different reason. I never heard it had something to do with economy, more so for special family reason. Sweden has a very large muslim population among young people. So if you have porkchops for dinner it would be inpolite to ask a muslim kid to join.

Im 63 as a kid it happened, but seldom, in some specific families in the very south of sweden. Never in stockholm/mid sweden. The reason was if the kids own family where preparing food. That food should not be wasted. It was only a dinner matter. Never lunch etc As a parent I my self I allways invited the kid or kids to eat dinner at our table. But I told them please call your parents to inform them that you will eat at our house so they knew. Some times it actually happended that a parent said no. And gave the kid order to come home for dinner. Often it was he same parent who gave that order.

kids wher allways welcome to our table. we called their parents and said they had eaten. Nice to have dinner friends

lack of culture and humanity

I have experienced this as a child but even then, I think, I understood the complexity of it. My mum, born in the mid 40s, wanted to be independent of my father economically and hence wanted to pursue a career. I remember, as a child, she said she wanted to be able to take her three children and support them of her own (they never divorced). All the same, she was born into a society where the woman was supposed to take care of the children and have dinner at the table at 6pm, which wasn´t possible for her to achieve making a career. Not offering me dinner by friend´s parents, which was, let´s put it in more traditional dinner time, was showing respect of my mum´s choices as I see it. They knew she or my father would feed us but perhaps an hour later than the Swedish typical dinner time. To me "Sweden gate" is a society transitioning from traditional values and behaviours towards a more equal society. The transition was painful, as some of my mum´s generation would experience. I think that we should hail that generation of women who made all this progress and still held up their families

If there was time, my parent sent me an my friends running around to all the friends parents asking if it was ok they ate at us, then back to report how many should eat at us. Just feeding kids at random while their parents is home preparing dinner for them seems strange, invasive and quite rude to me. Do people shit like that nowadays / elsewhere???

I wonder if this is a regional phenomenon? I was born in 1975 and I got offered dinner at every friends house that I was visiting so I find all of these stories quite strange. This was however in the rural parts of Skåne so perhaps this was an issue more up north or in the cities?

Generally I ate dinner at home and so did my friends. But if I was a friends house or they were at mine everyone was offered dinner.

I think I was offered food most of the time at my friends houses but I declined almost every time because I often ate at home before going to them and I was very picky with food also. This was in the 80's and 90's. Same way around when friends were at my house, they were offered food but often declined because of the same reasons. "Fika" was of course always offered and accepted though! My mother used to serve me and my friends a big plate of cookies and cinnamon buns and other goodies together with some sweet drink, or in my case coffee. Yes, I drank coffee as a kid, like a true Swede! 😄

When I was a kid, I had frien living with me, he was fed as one of the family

Haha. Ja det här var helt nytt för mig.

This is why we have fika 🤣 U "dont" need to "pay back" for fika but dinner, that is aaaa wwhoooole other thing 😁

I guess its ppl that xperienced this in the 80s. Food in sweden was really xpensive before we joined the EU. And the VAT is crazy on grocerys. Ppl demonstrated for lower costs in food in sthlm in the 70s.

It was normal in the past...my parents even told me to say no...think its not to heavy another family..but they usually ask if I wanted food and I say no like my parent thaught me..

It depends on the circumstances if we invite friends for food. If the friend is on a spontaneous visit, we do not invite, because then we have not planned the food for another. But if it is a planned visit, we offer food. I do not want my children to eat away without asking before, because otherwise we will have a lot of food left over. Then there is nothing worse than when parents send their children away without eating, so they get hungry without it being time for food with us.

6 Minute mark.... you must remember that even back in the early 80, women had their own day jobs and house wife's was not common anymore. So dinner was family time.

Never heard of this before. All the parents of my friends fed me and we fed my friends when they were over. In my experience, food is the premiere way to socialize with family and every friend is part of the family the moment they step into the house. The only reason I could think of is if the parents of the child had said no, but then they should have planned to pick up their child before dinner time. Either I ate with the family or I went home before they had dinner, I never had to wait as far as I can remember. Edit: Also about the girl having to wait in the hallway. That's just very rude. The only reason I could think of is it was a very small apartment and it was easy to overhear conversations from the other rooms. If the parents had some particularly important topic to talk about that they didn't want the friend to overhear. Just an example, if one of the parents had some serious disease or the kid had done something bad at school they needed to talk/argue about. But then they should have offered to take the friend home/sent her home instead, which they didn't. In any case it should have been handled better, nothing to do with Swedish culture.