So so good!!!

There is a lot in what you are saying that I think is revolutionary and relevant and useful to people in negotiating back from entrenched positions. However I feel there are some basic ways that men and women are socialised that underpin these sorts of dynamics which if considered by the couple at the beginning of their relationship or once they have some less confrontational ways of talking with each other might eliminate the need for practicising this kind of communication. I suppose what concerns me is this implicit sense that complaint is wrong because mostly men or some women get defensive at being called on some behaviour. The shame reaction is to being called out. ..that being that men particularly view a complaint as a personal attack on them as a human beingYour strategy puts the responsibility for avoiding the shame on usually the woman in changing her communication and not being so angry. It doesn't actually allow the man to see here is an opportunity to see something from my past, to consider why I have behaved like this. It focuses the man's attention on the wife pleading him to change for her.. for the team. But surely you would want men to change for themselves so that they feel more self love and they don't have to behave in such disrespectful ways with others to offload their emotions. It also concerns me that women (mostly) are being encouraged to take a less direct approach to the communication of anger because men feel uncomfortable with that which is simply more of the kind of patriarchal conditioning. Maybe you are talking more about "nagging" but again I think we are up against some very long standing patriarchal beliefs that the women has to do all the house stuff and men just don't see, haven't been trained to see that it is shared responsibilities. Again it falls back on a criticism of women for nagging about entitled entrenched attitudes. And again it falls back on women to treat men like another child they have to encourage to do his chores which merely entrenches the patriarchal attitudes. I also think there are some things for men to understand about lobbying statements such as "over sensitive" or "stubborn" at women because they don't feel women should actually have boundaries or be angry. Some deeply embedded attitudes which patriachy has caused and which women have been gaslit to believe as true as well. But it's ironic that these same patriarchal attitudes are depriving men of the maturity and self responsibility of true masculinity whilst they behave like pouty little boys being given a consequence or a boundary by their mother. The "how dare she" attitude depowers men... such a shame and yet maybe its not easy for men to see this. It perhaps needs to be shown by women. I have really enjoyed your work Terry - I think you have been revolutionary in your approach but I have felt a very subtle sense of unease about some of how you talk about women and some of what you do which I am finally able to name today. So thank you

Thank you, it is inspiring and helpful video❤

Love your videos so much ! I am a bona fide fan and use what you teach all the time in my work. Also, you are such a great, engaging, funny story-teller which makes it go down so much more easily when working with couples. You've given me permission to be way more playful and have so much more fun in my work and of course be that much more effective. Grazie Terry !