as kate winslet said in The Holiday, "Someday you'll go somewhere new and meet new people and little pieces of your soul will finally start to come back."

Anything I bought for the house, my husband would criticize...whether it was a lamp, a cushion...whatever. If he didn't like something he would damage it. I am divorced now. I love spontaneously decorating.....deciding one morning I wanted to change the colour of my living room (I LOVE my new colour!). Yesterday on a whim I bought patio lights for my patio. Not having to agonize before or after 'feathering my nest' feels great.

My joy in 1,000 small things is watching and listening to Dr Ramini every night. She gives affirmation which I don't get. She gives hope. She helps heal. Thanks Doc.

Since my 92 year old. mother died this past December, the weight of the narcissistic world has fallen from my shoulders. I cannot believe how different I feel, and it's amazing and wonderful. I will not inherit a penny from her estate and I do not care one bit. I am really really free.

I would have a batch of Levain Bakery chocolate chip cookies hidden in the freezer and when every few months when I know she would not be around I would bake two cookies and just close my eyes…. It may not mean much to some, but to me it was something to look forward to and savor the moment of peace.

I wait for you uploads. They help me survive every day!

All my life53 years , I tried to please my mom who was never satisfied, .D Ramani you saved mylife I thank you so much .

Self-recovery and therapy is brutal. You are trying to purge yourself from all the pain and trauma from narcissistic abuse. And you feel everything. Even worse when you have to do this alone

Sexlessness. Sharing a bed with someone who doesn’t acknowledge you are a sexual being hurts so much. I was in a sexless marriage for years. Being a woman with a high libido, I felt inadequate. Worst I feel invisible. The man who was “supposed” to want me, just didn’t. We talked about it many times, more than I can recall now. It was always me. I wanted too much - once a week was too much for him. I didn’t initiate - he was always complaining of headaches, stomaches, always stressed, always tired. I was too sexual - when being subtle doesn’t work, what is next? Explicitly saying I wanted sex. Oh but then it was not appropriate. Conversations would end up with him saying he didn’t feel desired or I made him feel emasculated because he didn’t want sex as much as I did. Yeah, it was always me. I could never win. While we were dating we would have a decent amount of sex, it was good. The first huge red flag was not having sex in our honeymoon - which I ignored. It rapidly decrease to once a week, then every other week. Years gone by it was months in between, by the time we divorced it was over a year with no sex. I cried myself to sleep more times that I can count. I didn’t understand what was wrong with me. Was I that undesirable? Was I repulsive? After those conversations, I just stopped trying, initiating, mentioning sex. We were still loving - holding hands, hugging, kissing - but sex was off the table. He then cheated on me. Swore he had sex only 4 times in a year (or more) long affair. It didn’t matter. For years my self worth was damaged by him, years of low self esteem, years of feeling less of a woman, the marriage that was more than over, waiting in hospice, really ended. Funny how things are, I asked him for a divorce, he manipulated me into staying, next day his infidelity came to light. I was out as soon as I could. Best thing of my life. Additionally, That feeling when your partner cheated and you don't have the courage to leave him / her so you just death with the pain and live everyday asking questions about your worth. This pain is different from the cheating one_living and seeing him everywhere anticipating when he or she do it again. The best thing is to hire a private investigator digitalinvestigate@gmail.com to help you spy on their cellphone remotely just like he did for me...

Literally everything i do is wrong to him. I used to feel guilty but learned that this is my oxygen. I just pulled out my yoga mat (he calls it idolatry 😂) and did 10 mins because this video reminded me

I went to the mall and walked around by myself for an hour. It was wierd

Dr. Ramani, I started watching your videos and listening to your podcast 3 years ago, mere weeks after the death of my son. I started seeing a man about a year after his death. Lol it's ironic that I stopped watching your videos because that man's dirision and "light" contemptuous comments about you, your videos and your podcasts became exhausting. I've given myself permission to start watching you again, since I left him 6 months ago. One of my thousand small things that help me heal is watching you again. Thank you. 😊

My ex-Narc started with verbal abuse and eventually led to every type of abuse. It felt like I was being slaughtered. The word didn't even exist on the "Feelings Wheel" I was given in counseling for me to describe, so I had to write it in. Narcs are the absolute worst! "For their tongues shoot lies like poisoned arrows. They speak friendly words to their neighbors while scheming in their heart to kill them." Jeremiah 9:8

He said I am a covert narcissist. I'll be whatever he labels me as long as I am not who I used to be. A caring, giving empty shell of a person who felt so alone. It feels so different to not want to live to please anyone but myself. I was so exhausted and weighed down in sadness and disappointment. Now that I am a bit more selfish I feel alive💓🌱 and a bit more peace.

❤I am so thankful for you Dr.Ramani ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

I cried lots yesterday from the heartbreak and grief of what’s happened to my family thanks to the narcissists. I feel like I have been used and abused by my family, doing what I could to help, only to be stomped on and feel like my life has fallen apart. Reminding myself I deserve better and it’s not all my fault. Slowly taking myself back. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤

After experiencing narcissistic abuse, spending time with flowers brings me a sense of peace and healing. Their beauty and tranquility help to soothe my soul and remind me of the beauty and resilience within myself

Wow. I remember laughing while at a theatre watching a comedy. It was a stage play and my narcissistic boyfriend squeezed my thigh until it hurt because he apparently didn’t want me to laugh in public. I finally dropped the boyfriend, now laugh as much and as loudly as I want, and occasionally act in comedies myself. There’s no better feeling for me than delivering a line that makes the audience roar with laughter. Thank you audiences for laughing with the abandon we all deserve to experience. Thank you wonderfully talented playwrights for letting me play with those words of whimsy. Thank you Dr. Ramani for reminding me of my right to laugh and authentically experience my emotions.

Having grown up with a narcissistic step mother who called all the shots at home, it was even more damaging because she never let me be me. Protect the kids in your life from the narcissists! It IS abuse! ❤

Sitting in my van resting with the air conditioner on until I had the strength to deal with the anxieties caused by the mere thought of going home. Much more capable of dealing with it all when I had the rest I couldn't get at home. Thank you Dr. Ramani, you have been a blessing. My you be blessed with strength & peace as you continue in your journey. May you be uplifted by all the lives you have lifted. And may you be remembered fondly by all those you love & who love you. Many many blessings.

I want to heal , but theres just to many narcisists in my life, i get anxious , nervous when i encounter them, i stand my ground but it takes a toll in me.

I finally burst and did all of this. Guess what...you can even fall in love again once you open the door to YOUR life. Thanks Dr. Ramani.

You are truly a life saver! I am able to sit in a meeting at work and not worry about it going over making me late. Where I would have to hear for weeks that I was meeting someone or doing something sneaky. These videos keep me honest about the truth of that relationship and how awful it really was.

Playing the music I like in the car while still in the relationship 😉

It's so true that it's the small things. The small defiance and independences kept me alive through my childhood. And the small things make me happiest, today!

I really thought I had lost my capability of feeling joy. It wasn't lost, just held captive and gagged. Now that it's free again I can't believe how happy and grateful I am

I always keep a glass of water nearby. Any negative remark I toss the water out the door. A thousand cuts makes me cringe but true. Ty for sharing❤

Indeed Dr Ramani, I was in a relationship with a narcissistic person for two years and it’s taken 12 years to heal but finally I have done it! Thank God for Dr Ramani! There is hope for all 😊

Brilliant. Compile a list of 1000 Small Things we do to Heal. Powerful!

1,000 cuts and 1,000 things to do to heal and all I can think of is Homer teaching Bart how to shave 'Next we take some toilet paper and put it everywhere we're bleeding. There..and there...and there...and there..'

Hi Dr Ramani from Australia 😊

I'm going over newer videos since I broke free 15 mos ago. The same voice that helped me navigate my way through the disapointment, grief, fear, anxiety and anger is now reassuring me that 'I did good'. Proud of getting to the other side.

I've started doing the holidays the way I, my husband and kids want to do them - rather than the way we've always done them. I spent so much effort trying to please unpleasable family members in the past and now I am feeling free to change things. One of my inspirations for this was when my father's dementia worsened. I was storing Christmas cookies at his house as I made them (larger house) and the Sunday before advent, he decided that he could't wait any longer and declared, "I'm starting a new family tradition. Everyone gets one cookie the Sunday before Christmas." Now, when I try something new, I think of my Dad and say to myself, "I'm starting a new family tradition."

The description of what happens over time -- death by 1.000 cuts == is so spot on. You don't realize how you are gradually losing more and more ground to the narcissistic person (phrasing deliberate, as they don't have to be a really full-blown narcissist to do this to you). No one thing seems big enough to really wake you up; you get "used to" the pattern. One day, though, you realize how bad you feel about yourself -- all because of this situation, and you blame yourself first. You are so used to criticism, you blame yourself for having not dealt with it sooner. They are just who they are, you say; but you yourself feel like a failure.

I chuckled so many times recognizing the things you said that were the things I did to exercise my independence. OMG. I did that too!!!!! After 2 cardioconversions and 2 surgeries to correct Afib, I realized that staying with him was actually slowing killing me. Highly motivated!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I found myself a lawyer. I am emerging as a gorgeous butterfly. And I laugh when I watch a show I Like on my iPad in bed with a carton of ice cream. Life is Good.

G'day Dr Ramani, thanks for sharing.🐨

I do everything behind his back. It works. I disengaged from him. I tell him nothing, avoid him and ignore him.

I'm 10 years out of my narc relationship, but I still remember the little healings that helped me so much. Examples: - Taking baby to daycare early so we could stop off and let her pick out some stickers to stick on her arms (a waste of $ in the narcs opinion) - Keeping old bread to "feed to the fish" at any random pond - Not getting out of the car when I got home, so I could finish a phone call with a person the narc didn't like - Wondering around the grocery store, reading labels, singing to the store music - Upholding relationships with people who the narc said were "just using me" or that "needing friends is a weakness" I also related a lot to being ridiculed for laughing or singing out loud, for licking the sauce from a ramekin (at home, not in public), etc. so I still did those things, but only when I wasn't under his scrutiny.

In my case, it meant quietly helping my son with his mental health challenges by myself rather than getting the man who was his stepfather for 19 years involved.

Practicing gratitude can really change your focus. Thanks!!

So very true. Those small things make big changes in our healing. Thank you 🙏 so much dr Ramani ❤ God bless you ❤

I love your energy. Your book and your videos is really helping on navigating the grief about my narcissistic fathers and siblings. I am into radical acceptance and total acceptance of their true faces. They're the crazy one and I'm going to remember it. I came to realize how useless they are in my life and the fact that they will always try to sabotage me out of jealousy and meanness. I am living this house asap and going no contact with all of them.

It may mean going to Walmart parking lot with a good book and staying all day going in once in a while to use the restroom…. Or the kids knowing where the hidden taboo box of macaroni and cheese lives. Mom always secretly replenishes it when it gets used. They clean dry and replace the pan used too cook it. He never finds out until maybe years later that there was a secret coup behind his back!

I am pure shining light that is never ending and invincible. They may try to taint and steal it but my fountain replenshises everyday i can feel the divine light in my veins pulsing through me. Narcissists hate it

You make me smile Dr. Ramani ✨️💖 This is where I am in my healing prosess now. I have made new friends with 3 of my neighbours 🤩 We are different ages. I'm the youngerst 54. We have all survived narcissistic abuse! And we sit outside, talk, laugh, connect! It's amazing. And I talked to one of them yesterday about the freedom of being no-contact and finding out who we truely are ❤️ And two of them got your book as well 🙏 And I buy myself a new green plant for my appartment almost everyday 💚✨️🪴 They are my friends as well. Watching whatever I want too on TV and eating whatever I choose too eat. Next year I will travel to Holland to meet my dutch family whom I've never met. You save lives everyday 💜 Thank you 🌈🫶✨️

Wow!! I felt bad for doing things to heal myself behind his back but now I see that what I was doing was normal! I recently took a morning off to go to my favorite National Park an hour away (I am not "allowed" to go without him) while he was at work so I can go for a nice hike, have a picnic and just relax without him saying he's bored. I fit in all these little things I'm not allowed to do by myself while he's at work since I lost my job, and its making a huge difference in my healing :)

"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step" -- Laozi (千里之行，始於足下 -- 老子)

This is most important, thank you Dr Ramani. Because the “death by 1000 cuts” is even worse when you have no choice but to continue engaging, while they escalate control and put your elderly parent at risk.. which is a HUGE thing on your head while you hope & pray that you will be able to negate the risk to your elderly parent.. and the risk to YOU..

I would buy headphones every two days to listen to Dr. Ramani and he would fly into a rage and break them but i never got tired. Today i listen to her without earphones. That's just one of of the 1000 small things💪

I use to go into my basement and play my favorite music and dance. It was my thing...dance the stress out!💃

I am so grateful for you Dr. Ramani❤

Small things...mine currently includes allowing myself to have a messy kitchen and not worrying about it. It gets cleaned up the next day. Now I can allow myself to see how that mess affects the energy in the house, and without guilt or shame start to keep it clean. Sometimes not. I enjoy a clean home. Here's to the freedom to clean my home because I enjoy a clean home and like to provide my son a clean healthy home. Because it lifts us up, instead of because of the desire to gain approval and accolades (fake), from the narc. Yay. ❤

Priceless

These are what get me through everyday. Ty!

🙏💜🇿🇦 I just hope it doesn't take 48 years, as long as it took to get there. 😂

Yes, it's rejection in a 1000 different ways from a 1000 different hurtful moments. My mother was a covert narcissist. My husband and I were her live-in caretakers for 20 long yrs before she passed away and it was the most difficult thing we ever did. But what hurt even more than that is that my daughter is also one. I spent her whole life trying to please her and gain her love and to have a loving real relationship with her. But once she realized she couldn't control me anymore and I was of no use to her any more she threw me out of her life. That's the hardest thing because she's my child even though she's in her 40's and even though she did a lot of bad to me, she's still my daughter and I can't just be content with not having her in my life. I feel an empty spot in my heart and I don't think any advice can take that away. Just God. One thing I believe he showed me that has helped is to stop looking at her in the past as my adorable baby and toddler and little girl and just see her for who she is today. A selfish malicious woman who uses people.

Thank you Dr. Ramani for your wise encouraging ways to a healing journey. My life's journey of 30 years, knowledge of narcissistic relationship in 2023. I enjoyed my small joys, recently watching cricket, fun, blessings to us to be totally healed. Luke 8; Psalms 1-150🙏🇯🇲👑🌹🙌🫅

Also, to do these things with little thought of how you couldn't do them before. Just do them. And hope the remembrance of when you could not do them, goes away.

Whenever Dr. Ramani talks about a time she was in a relationship with a narcissist, I want to kick the narcissist's ass! How dare they hurt our Dr. Ramani! She is a treasure! I once read a quote that said: Asking yourself, “Would someone who loves and care about me do that to me?”, and being very honest with yourself, will save you from going back into the wrong hands. It has been very helpful for my healing and I hope others can find that mindset helpful.

Thank you for this video! I just became free after more than a decade with the narcissist! I needed this video! Now cleaning out and cleaning up for a month is tdious until I can make it all about the healing I need!

I greatly appreciate you Dr. Ramani!!!

After I left, I started with little things, I didn’t know about your channel then. But I was trying to follow my intuition and needs. I started with putting on lipstick and lip gloss again. I started drawing again even when I didn’t know what to draw. I bought things for myself without apologizing. I started writing a journal again. I started working out and trying new things. I started going back to places he had ruined for me and reclaiming them by making new memories. It really is 1000 little things but they add up over time. And finding someone new that you can trust and love who WILL reciprocate is amazing.

I didn't quite get to a thousand because your wonderful book "Should I go or should I stay?" helped me to take the best decision Doc! But it's absolutely true that as soon as I begann to disengage and enjoy little things for and by myself I got enough strength inside of me in order to go forever 💃❤🙏🏻

I still think its the funniest thing that my ex showed me your channel cause his mom is highly narcisistic and in the end I'm here healing from his narcisistic tendencies learned at home. I truly don't think he has NPD at all, but his trauma response is acting in the same way his mom would treat him but towards me. INSANITY. And now that I'm gone, doing these tiny rituals are 100% so effective. I hope he can find the healing he needs and becomes a better person, I still wish I could be his friend. I loved him so much

I'm in a place where I can truly be myself, unapologetically, and it feels REALLY GOOD. You're so right. It's the small things that build over time, which then becomes your true, authentic self, and life. This was such a great reminder of how far I've come out of this narcissistic brainwashing, and it's the BEST FEELING IN THE WORLD❤🥂💃

Thank you for an amazing video, Dr. Ramani❤ this made me happy today and gave me HOPE!

3:49 she is ABSOLUTELY right. Doing this is what saved my life essentially( the not telling them part)

So true! This woman has a very deep wisdom. I am over eighty and have never been married But I have been exposed to narcistic patterns as a child. Listening to people who is animated by a scientific world view, who are always trying to spread truth and realism are always worth listening to. Dear dr Ramani thanks for your important work, so much needed in our modern society. All the best Kaj :-)

Thanks Dr. Ramani!!! You dropped this video the same day i desperately needed to hear all of this. 😊

Dark critical judgemental cloud is a good description of how it feels.

So this is why I enjoy small things and my hobbies so much 😅

Thank you, Dr. Ramani. As I was listening to this video, it really struck me how soothing your voice is. (I can see you guiding meditations.) Sometimes, the tone of one's voice can add or detract from what is being said. Your never ending great information along with your calmness is very cathartic. Finally, I hope that you come to Canada in the near future!

Very accurate and I cannot add anything to this excellent presentation except that I never lost my sense of self or self-worth, and I never allowed myself to be steamrollered into any kind of subservient inferiority.

you are truly amazing, thank you for all you do!

Awesome encouragement for me Dr. thank you ❤️❤️!!!

Nice nice nice! I'm sure lots of us are searching for nuance. Tanx doc!

Getting through a divorce, beating myself up for being a doormat for so many years.

Small steps on the road of healing will lead to reclaiming my sense of self.

Great video!😊

Excellent video. It's really helpful to be reminded that every little tiny step back to sanity is a meaningful and important thing worth celebrating. It seems like so many people want you to just "pick up the pieces" and dive into goals and career and community and service and big achievements as though nothing happened.

Excellent Video ❤❤ As Always ❤❤

This is beautiful ...benefitting from these bandaids, It feels so good to have your summary of what it was like and now... wowza, so much bettah

Spouse and I are recovering from what my MIL and a couple other abusive relatives did to us, for decades. We call the thousand little things our "small joys." Spouse says "the small joys come more often" and that's why we are learning to pay attention to them now.

Yes, I can relate to this . Super sad to have come to this, super bummed that I did not choose a different path

Thank you Dr. Ramani❤

Queen Ramani🥇👸🏻

SERIOUSLY,Couldn't have described it any better!!!

Omg ... You Nailed it!

I LOVE DR. RAMANIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!

Dr ramani.. you are a God sent blessing..Thank God.. ❤

Hey 👋🏻

Your videos are a life line for me 🎉

I am going to do this and write down 1000 things I do, or even more important to me, no longer do. First will be not waiting in my car anymore for 10 minutes before entering my home, and second will be not panick when I put my key in the front door. Third will be changing something in my home just because I can, even changing a pot plant out makes me teary.

Thank you !

i see it clear, but i have no one else. Disengage and be completely alone, the idea of this is destroying me.

*I love the grounded reality of this channel!!!* Retirement took a toll on my finances, but with my involvement in the digital market, $27,000 weekly returns has been life changing. AWESOME GOD❤️❤🎉

Brilliant!!!!!! 👍❤❤❤

thank you for your devotion kind soul :) we love you Doctor Ramani :) I hope I can find the way to see you in NC this fall/winter. it sounds like the meet of a lifetime :)

Those who think my life situation is so terrible and that my path is so painful, don't realize how relieving the small freedoms in my life today feel compared to childhood. Just a simple walk in the park feels like a luxury vacation. Living alone feels like liberation more than it does isolation. Reading what I want to read, watching what I want to watch, eating what I want to eat w/out belittling invalidating comments or punishment feels like I got out of a 15 year prison sentence. If you can make it out of trauma on the other end, it's the small things you learn to value the most because every little thing was either deprived or scrutinized. While childhood were the happiest years in many people's lives, they were often the most difficult for a survivor. It sounds depressing but there's beauty you discover in things most people don't see. There's meaning to be found in any path after you've survived.

How are they all so similar that I experienced so many of the abusive things in your list? How did I manage to see the trees and even point them out, but I never realized I was IN a forest? How did I experience the little heals you mentioned here before I even could understand what I was healing from? Your insight empowers me by illuminating my progress and guiding me to where I can go next. Thank you.