Don't Praise Dads for Doing the Bare Minimum: A Chat with my Dad about Parenting

Рет қаралды 45,423

Күн бұрын

Last year I talked to my mum all about parenting and this time it's my dad's turn! ✨ What was his parental leave situation like? What does he think about dads being told they're amazing for doing the bare minimum? I ask him some of the questions I asked my mum and some questions from my Patrons, and we go off on a tangent about the word "parenting". Plus, Rowan has some opinions in the background 😂
Watch the video with my mum!: • Does my mum think I'm ...
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CHAPTERS
00:00 - Intro
01:05 - Grandparenting from a distance: what does that look like?
02:11 - How do you manage wanting to share your parenting “wisdom” but also let me and Dan make our own parenting choices?
02:55 - What has been something about being a grandparent that has surprised you?
03:33 - How did he feel about raising his kids Jewish?
04:37 - How did his dad’s parenting of him affect the way he parented you? Was there anything he wanted to do differently/similarly?
05:57 - Has he counteracted the praise he’s received for just simply being a parent and doing the bare minimum?
09:14 - Does he think he parented his daughters differently than he might have parented sons?
11:07 - What was your parenting leave situation like when me and Leah were born?
13:16 - Anything else he wants to share?
14:31 - Outro
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Пікірлер: 193

@heartwoodhomeschool Жыл бұрын

Welp, can’t get enough of him. 10 out of 10, total delight. First appearance but hopefully not the last?

@alalalaladgigurda Жыл бұрын

Same! I really would like to see more of him, maybe he can talk more about his work with children with learning disabilities? Such an interesting topic and it's really refreshing to see a man working in education and being just lovely all around!

@sophielc2437 Жыл бұрын

Hannah, your parents are so lovely. What amazing role models you've had! Xx

@morehannah Жыл бұрын

I am so lucky 💛

@honorcollins6962 Жыл бұрын

No wonder you turned out so well-adjusted and confident with those two amazing humans as your parents!

@erjusik Жыл бұрын

I think you are a great example of how much our upbringing/parents influence how we turn out as adults. Both of your parents seem very positive and open-minded, and so are you.🙂

@ZairaBandy Жыл бұрын

Which is not the norm. I too have a great dad but not every child has a good dad. Is rare that a dad is present and loving and caring. It really goes to show the men have the bar too low.

@aynilaa Жыл бұрын

Exactly. My parents are nothing like Hannah's. But I'm happy for her and all the people who experience a decent upbringing.

@user-wx2ps8kq3r Жыл бұрын

Yasss Hannah’s Dad!! Love all the inclusive language at the end! 💛 I am big on using ‘parents and carers’ & I wish we used this gender neutral term (parent) more in everyday language to include all families and folks. Thanks for sharing this lovely video and thoughts! 😊

@ZairaBandy Жыл бұрын

As they say, not everyone has that word. In Spanish we don’t have that. It is fathers in plural. That’s it. We have most of the language gendered so people don’t want and can’t have a gender neutral language

@mrcartoon621 Жыл бұрын

What on earth is wrong with you woke weird people. There are men and there are women, get used to it or go see a doctor and get some medication to sort your head out

@glistening7178 6 ай бұрын

@@ZairaBandy Well, they were speaking in context to English.

@Becca-nn8eu Жыл бұрын

Your dad saying "they, he, or she" without any hesitation almost made me cry! I don't get to see a lot of older generations being accepting of gender neutral language so as a nonbinary person it really warms my heart :)

@stagetopage Жыл бұрын

Oh your dad seems just as great as your mum. Loved this video. You should do a video with them both!

@MrsMster Жыл бұрын

Just from the thumbnail you can see where you get your smile from Hannah! 😂😊

@Emmsley14 Жыл бұрын

I love how excited your dad is to be on your channel lol it's so sweet!

@itsniamhwho Жыл бұрын

Your dad is the best! I particularly loved his comments about how important it was for him (and for your mum) for you and your sister to be/ feel Jewish, especially when considering the importance of maintaining a Jewish identity and that link to your family history. Great interview 💜

@ShhhhhhImsleeping Жыл бұрын

I love your dad as a person and as a parent! I can see both of them in you! If we all had parents like that, therapists would have less jobs 😂 Fucking lovely!! Love from Spain! Xxxx

@toerag572 Жыл бұрын

Worst thing for me when I was out with my kids was the assumption that I had them for the weekend. I was a single father since before they were teenagers, so NO, I WASN'T LOOKING AFTER THEM PART TIME!

@Helena-vh2fj Жыл бұрын

We need more videos with Hannah's dad! That was lovely and very interesting to hear!

@danielleeadie7124 Жыл бұрын

Goodness this gives me hope. My dad was an older dad by the standards of the time (he was 35 when I was born back in 89) but was super involved. I grew up thinking it was very normal for parents to split the cleaning, both be involved with kids etc. The real world was a harsh surprise 😂

@SamWest96 Жыл бұрын

Omg same! I grew up with a mum who was a high up manager for a very corporate business in central London, and a stay at home dad. I remember being in an ethics class for GCSE and my teacher saying that most women stay home to look after the children in a one income household and I was truly mindblown. Couldn't believe it.

@ag9953 Жыл бұрын

Yeah, damn those men taking 12 hour shifts at the factory and coming home thinking they should be able to sit down, don't they get that the household labors must be split? Oh, but not the yard work, they can do that by themselves.

@danielleeadie7124 Жыл бұрын

@@ag9953 That’s utterly brilliant in its idiocy. Thanks for starting my Sunday with a giggle. The irony is my dad actually owes and runs a factory. The shocking plot twist my mum owns and runs it with him. Happily married for almost 35 years. Real adults share the load. When one is working extra the other one picks up more at home and vice versus. The big issue here is men a) not recognising that women also work, and b) refusing to recognise the sheer amount of work that looking after a kid is, despite apparently being too exhausted to contribute themselves. Have a nice life :)

@ag9953 Жыл бұрын

@@danielleeadie7124 Oh, so you lived in an extremely exceptional circumstance in which both your parents did the same job for a living and it wasn't a particularly taxing job due to it being administrative in nature, I guess that means AAAAAALL families are the same and families in which the man is the primary or only bread winner are totes a myth and not the general rule. See, this is the problem with you lot, you make the personal general and take the general personally, it's great that you had a life like that, most people don't, so do something you're really fond of asking from others and check your privilege, rich girl.

@danielleeadie7124 Жыл бұрын

@@ag9953 Lord I never said any of that and I don’t speak for ‘you lot’, just myself. You seem so angry. I didn’t realise that you were the arbitrator of what counts as ‘hard work’. My apologies. I’ll let all the women in the nursing and care sector know that their jobs are not so physically demanding after all… I am of course being entirely facetious intentionally. You’re initial comment made an assumption about men needing rest after a long hard day at work, I was merely using one personal example to show that many women also come home from long difficult days, in fact most families in the UK (where I’m from) have two working parents, not sure why you’re so incensed by that.. As far as calling me rich. Lol how childish. It’s probably not untrue now given the dismal situation in the UK currently. In fact both my parents are working class and worked in factories most of my young life. The ownership came when I was older. I was the first to go to uni and fully aware that much of my privilege comes from sheer luck and good fortune, as it does for most people. I am glad I received enough of an education to learn that both men and women work, so there is that. This will be my last response :)

@eringrasse7512 Жыл бұрын

I love seeing how you and your parents listen to one another and have such an easygoing conversational style! It's also so refreshing to hear a cis man taking an active role is dismantling the gendered scripts of parenting. I personally feel super uncomfortable whenever I come across cis-het men who say things like, "I'M having a baby," because it feels very much like a manifestation of the fathering vs. mothering dynamic your dad mentioned: Centering themselves by claiming procreative credit without any additional responsibility to care for and nurture their child and partner. Not to mention coopting their partner's lived reality of pregnancy and postpartum without experiencing any of its ramifications themselves. If any of the "I'm having a baby" dudes I regularly come across were to instead say, "I'm becoming a parent," I'd be SUCH a fan.

@nanonaned Жыл бұрын

i love your parents - would your dad mind doing a q&a about his work with kids with special educational needs?

@lifexfashionxbeauty Жыл бұрын

Yesss this! Was going to say the same thing! Would be very interesting :)

@hannahgazeley3662 Жыл бұрын

I had a male childminder and I always felt pleased to challenge that assumption… for example I would say “B really loves going to the childminder” and they would reply “what is she like with them?” And I’d correct them. We were really pleased to let her experience care from both genders. Unfortunately those biases still made their way through, she thought only men could use laptops (despite seeing me work on my laptop) and only men could be a boss (even though I’m a line manager).

@pennycheshire5608 Жыл бұрын

This was really sweet and lovely. Loved his take on gender neutral terms there at the end especially.

@ZairaBandy Жыл бұрын

Only in English you can have that. In Spanish we don’t have any neutral gender words. And most people don’t like the new word the community have invented to get that gender neutral. Because it really sounds bad. So most people still used gender neutral words

@raahimas2776 Жыл бұрын

oh wow the observation of the meanings of mothering and fathering is so great!!

@bluesummer1004 Жыл бұрын

When you posted on instagram that you were interviewing your dad who had "controversial opinions" I was really emotionally prepared to be triggered or frustrated by this video. Needless to say I was overwhelmingly relieved and happy to see such a progressive and equality driven perspective on parenting! especially from the previous generation. Wonderful video!

@hamba1998 Жыл бұрын

This was such a lovely video!! Both of your parents seem like such down-to-earth genuine people!

@elizabethbradshaw1708 Жыл бұрын

The envy I feel of your relationship with your dad is wild. I'm so happy that you have such lovely parents because I've learned so much from you!

@frauke9002 Жыл бұрын

really cool to meet your dad and hearing his experiences! i am also really curious about how men are experiencing birth and post partum, so if Dan ever wanted to speak about that that would be super interesting too! there is not a lot of content like that yet!

@jboudie Жыл бұрын

Your parents are so lovely! I loved both of their episodes :D

@cariiinen Жыл бұрын

Lovely! So interesting to hear his perspective. And how disappointing (but not surprising) that your mom's employer tried to deny her legal maternity leave. Same thing happened to my mum in the 90s in Switzerland. She fought it and won, but that story still makes me very sad.

@pold3967 Жыл бұрын

Really good to see. It's funny - my grandfather, born in 1910, was very much hands-on when I was very young. Not 'modern' in many senses of the word, but completely believed that being a parent, or a grandparent, should be there for the child, and dismissed notions of being amazing for caring for a baby/toddler. I think it was a conscious decision, though, having been badly scarred mentally and physically by WWII. He wanted to make the world a better place for his family. Both your parents seem lovely.

@paulamartinezdelucena9050 Жыл бұрын

in Brazilian Portuguese there really isn't a neutral word like parents, but we've begun to address parents as "caretakers" (loosely translated), not only in order to be gender neutral, but also because of the huge amount of grandparents who end up taking an active role in their grandchildren's lives due to culture and social issues

@natalieharding5463 Жыл бұрын

I love this! Rowan is so lucky to have such loving and open minded family around him 🥰

@ElizabethChronis Жыл бұрын

Where we live all the classes/activities are called “Baby & Me” or “Toddler & Me” … I was recently reading something about “Mommy & Me” activities when I realized no one here calls them that.

@lisasstitchingandsuch 7 ай бұрын

I so agree with the last point your dad made. I grew up in a single parent household (my mum), with sisters, and even my grand-dad had been ill and died early in my childhood. I was 8 when I had a male teacher for the first time and I remember being terrified about it. We found out who our teacher would be for the next year in the last week of school so it sat with me all summer holidays. The teacher was of course excellent and I had a great school year but that fear was a major memory for me - up until then the adults in my life were more or less 100% female except for the Dr or Dentist who I might see once or twice a year.

@lindafre6433 Жыл бұрын

I feel like I can see/feel the love that your parents have and have always had for you. Like seeing colours for music. 🧡

@ruthfowkes4712 Жыл бұрын

What a guy, genuinely so beautiful to hear his side of parenting. Can see how he made such a wonderful human

@TheFreakMelanie Жыл бұрын

your dad is blooming lovely, this video warmed my heart seeing your relationship x

@mjmomo541 Жыл бұрын

That is an AMAZING chat! The world needs more people like you and your wonderful dad! xx

@ThatRomyKate Жыл бұрын

Your dad seems really cool! Nice to have him on the channel :) The mothering/fathering discrepancy is so interesting, I've never thought about that before. I'm a language nerd so it's also really interesting to think about how the word for parents is gendered in some languages and not others. In Spanish it's 'padres' which is literally 'fathers', whereas in French it's 'parents' so same as English. I wonder if they could find a new, gender neutral word in Spanish as I know they're looking at ways to make language less gendered in general.

@ZairaBandy Жыл бұрын

Most most the new words that they are coming up with that aren’t gender they sound bad. We are never going to get use to neutral gender words.

@_sh4rp Жыл бұрын

@@ZairaBandy no! We must! There's Xadres. The prounounciation isn't the worst for that one. "Progenitores" also works but is really formal. "Figura parental". Tambien he leido que usan "adre"/"adres". "Estes son mis adres". "Elle es mi adre". "Les adres". "Como estan tus adres?" No sé jaja.

@justacellist3989 Жыл бұрын

These two lovely people being your parents explains so much

@fivebyfivewhat Жыл бұрын

Unsurprisingly your dad is an absolute delight!

@aynilaa Жыл бұрын

So refreshing seeing parents like yours! Mine are like the opposite of that and I'm always amazed at how others have decent caretakers.

@hallava Жыл бұрын

i wish more people understood that wisdom and experience are two different things. so many people think they can talk over others and get fussy when their advice isn't wanted or used, when in reality their experience is from completely different circumstances and not applicable to everyone else

@Carla0297 Жыл бұрын

Loved this video😄 so great to hear about your dad's perspective!

@thequeerrunner5745 Жыл бұрын

I love that Hannah's dad calls her mum, mum. It sort of has a comforting vibe. Like if Hannah was my dad talking to me. I'm going through a major rough spot rn and this is delightful for me.

@plestrange511 Жыл бұрын

I love these videos with your parents! Its super awesome you're able to have such open conversations with them 😊

@annekebrakenhoff1676 Жыл бұрын

This was such a great video! You are both so articulate, it was a joy to watch :)

@Mariajustmary Жыл бұрын

Your dad is so sweet! Thank you for the video, it was a nice watch

@jessicanieves6686 Жыл бұрын

Loved it! Thank you Hannah! So many good points and such a nice video.

@rebeccacuthbertson1271 Жыл бұрын

This was so lovely! Thank you for bringing your dad on.

@annae.c.f.2548 Жыл бұрын

in german there is also a gender-neutral term for parents: "Eltern" and moms, dads and everyone in between these poles are "Elternteile", which literally means parental parts, so two people who share being parents 🙂

@nelicora Жыл бұрын

Loved this, made me smile a lot! 🥰

@hollystewart6014 Жыл бұрын

What Hannah’s dad says about the English language and how we’ve got a non-gendered word of “parenting” is so true. It really makes me think how hard it must be for non-binary people to live in countries where the language is gendered.

@jmdmjks Жыл бұрын

Both videos with your mom and dad made me cry! 😭 They are both wonderful!!

@gamewrit0058 Жыл бұрын

Awesome conversation! Loved hearing you, James, and Rowan. 🥰

@Amydisney Жыл бұрын

Aww your dad is LOVELY! 💖

@isabelcarstensen1109 Жыл бұрын

I loved that talk! Thank you so much to your dad!

@johannadarlenerosa Жыл бұрын

Your dad is so lovely! Such warm and loving energy. Thanks for sharing this🥰

@filibusterfirework74 Жыл бұрын

What an absolute joy! It’s so lovely having your parents join for discussions like these ❤ I see so many of the lovely ways your parents impacted you.

@bethbcrafts Жыл бұрын

I loved this so much. ❤ Such great insights and reflections. 👏🏼

@amenotani Жыл бұрын

Oh Hannah I love your parents! Thanks for sharing their experience, this is huge for those of us that didn't really have these kind of role models.

@milikoshki Жыл бұрын

Loved this! Your parents are both delightful :)

@kristinagarner1026 Жыл бұрын

Your Dad is just simply wonderful! More please! 👏 PS, you have his smile 😁🥰

@09ahmaa18 Жыл бұрын

Seeing both of your parents is so beautiful, heart-warming and bittersweet. I genuinely am finding these so lovely and yearning for the parental experience I dreamt of. Glad they are so supportive and kind

@aristurtle Жыл бұрын

I love your conversations with both your parents in this series Hannah! Their perspectives are sooooo interesting and its so lovely to see your relationship with your parents and them talk about being grandparents

@meganh144 Жыл бұрын

Love this! Your dad seems lovely and has such an interesting perspective, great role model 😊

@eva1601 Жыл бұрын

wow your parents seem really really great

@darceyfrances2424 Жыл бұрын

Loved this video, really reminds me of my dad. What a caring soul and so interesting to see a bit of what makes Hannah, Hannah

@hadarpepperstone5156 Жыл бұрын

I loved this! I haven't watched the one with your mum so I have nothing to compare it to but it was so lovely to hear you two reflect on parenting together.

@fonthong3719 Жыл бұрын

a minute in and already loving your dad's humor lol

@p_p_p_p_7732 Жыл бұрын

This was a wonderful video. Your parents are amazing

@xzonia1 Жыл бұрын

Loved getting to see your Dad! Really enjoyed hearing his perspective, and you are so fortunate to have two wonderful parents! Hope he's on again in the future! :)

@arisefairsun Жыл бұрын

Your parents are so great! 😍

@Chocolatetart88 Жыл бұрын

What a great video! Your dad seems like such a lovely man. ❤

@saridhm Жыл бұрын

Seeing your mom and dad like this, one can ony assume why they raised you so wonderfully! they look so good too! you are very lucky to have them with you! i can only hope to build a home like your parents did! so cute and noble, great video, great to know you guys!

@jennivamp5 Жыл бұрын

Oh my gosh! Your dad is so lovely! Really glad we got to meet him on the channel 😁

@aglet1321 Жыл бұрын

And a GREAT dad joke at the end there 😆 love your parents, no wonder they raised such a lovely person 😁

@Sarah__H Жыл бұрын

What a wonderful video. Your dad is so lovely and spoke so beautifully

@corinetormentedtattoos5954 Жыл бұрын

What an amazing man your dad is Hannah… so caring and kind. Made me tear up a couple of times. You look like your dad! What an informative chat x

@nataliebeck9601 Жыл бұрын

I am saving these videos to show my parents when I have kids, so refreshing to see their hands off trusting approach 💖

@BrittneyStAubin Жыл бұрын

What beautiful parents you have! Inside and out!

@annesophie22 Жыл бұрын

seeing both your parents' views on parenting, it makes so much sense that you are the way your are. it's so lovely!

@mrswats Жыл бұрын

Dad witton!! I loved the video 😊💟

@imautisticnowwhat Жыл бұрын

He seems lovely! Really enjoyed this 😊

@annik8766 Жыл бұрын

Loved this!!

@mariem.5613 Жыл бұрын

He honestly has the sweetest, most wholesome vibe

@hannahwright4466 Жыл бұрын

Your dads comment about parenting boys is really interesting. My eldest is a girl and youngest a boy. The boy is louder and more physical and more stereotypically a boy but whenever I speak to people with 2 children of the same sex they tend to say no 2 is louder and more physical and we know that birth order effects personality and experience. I think it is all really interesting the things that effect the child.

@aynilaa Жыл бұрын

I was always minding my own business while my younger sister was very loud and physical.

@magic_sjs5623 Жыл бұрын

This is so true! I'm the second out of two girls (at least growing up we're both outside the gender binary now), and I was way more active and loud compared to them. I will say I am AuDHD so that had something to do with it, but looking back at other kids I knew were like this as well.

@Cat-pn6br Жыл бұрын

Love this!!

@SixtineLys Жыл бұрын

I loved this conversation !

@diegomaco4245 Жыл бұрын

He's such a gem 💜

@lindafre6433 Жыл бұрын

In German we also have the word "parents" = "Eltern" but you can only use it in plural. You don't say "he is a good parent". HE has to be a good father/dad = Vater/Papa and SHE has to be - grammatically - a good mother/mom = Mutter/Mama, but you have the "Elternteil" = parenting-part :D but it sounds very formal

@Marek-rg4zw Жыл бұрын

I would say that is not particularly true. There is this Wort "Elter". It's not really used that much, but it exists. And at the end that's the fun part about words and language. They change with customs and how we use them.

@cwestemeyer Жыл бұрын

Hannah your dad is amazing! Loved this video!

@claudiajade624 Жыл бұрын

Loved this! 😊

@tankgrrl07 Жыл бұрын

It was a joy to hear your dads opinions on parenting. You have lovely parents. Really intelligent, inclusive, positive and open minded. 👍🏻

@HannaNennewitz Жыл бұрын

Honestly, your dad just sounds awesome! i loved the talk :)

@ramotnik8061 Жыл бұрын

Very cool hearing more of your dads perspective 👏🌟

@aksez2u Жыл бұрын

Lovely! What a great dad and granddad ❤!

@twiddlinthemthumbs Жыл бұрын

It's really nice hearing a man, and more so, a dad, talking about all of that. There are good men out there ! So thank you for making this video and thank you to your dad for taking the time.

@Tanya.Tsarkova Жыл бұрын

Hannah thank you so much for this! I just wrote down all the questions, so I could talk to my parents about all these topics. It was sooooo interesting to watch you and your dad dynamic thruogh the video!!! p.s. my son was born at the end of June 2022 btw ;)))

@demiviring3476 Жыл бұрын

I don't have parents anymore (and I'm glad because they were literally horrible people who did a lot of horrible things to me) and when I see this, I really really would love to have your dad as a dad. It amazes me how amazing parents can be (of course I know there is always something wrong and stuff) but it still amazes me how amazing it is to have parents who like and love you. Who are there for you, who are happy for you. That's something I've never experienced in my life and I miss that so much. What a wonderfull video Hannah!! Love, Demi

@Zamazizi Жыл бұрын

I absolutely love your interaction with your dad, quite easy going.

@ellesmith7005 Жыл бұрын

This was such a brilliant video. Your dad is such a kind and brilliant soul. His thoughts and comments around gender and parenting bring me a lot of hope :)