I literally feel like a different species to most people. Its appalling to me that lying is socially accepted and assumed to be " normal". That causes so much unecessary abuse, harm, confusion and suffering.

Attending a support group doesn’t sound boring, it sounds terrifying. There will be people there.

Autistic/ADHD here. I’ve been taken advantage of by friends many times, actually, and starting in childhood. I still don’t fully know the difference between true friends and acquaintances, even though I’m much better at seeing it now. I’ve also had a string of abusive partners.

I was massively taken advantage of by my past business partner. She lied about me to my entire industry and told everyone I was on cocaine. I’ve never done coke in my life. It was one of the hardest moments of my life. I got eaten alive by a bunch of people I considered to be my friends. I’ve gotten to a point where I consider no one my friend. I tell people I only form alliances or work with people. I don’t have any friends. I’m 35 and I still can’t tell the difference between a friend and an acquaintance, or even an enemy.

AuDHD PhD student here. I was mate crimed by a "mentor" who coerced me into unpaid sex work. I was lucky to have true friends who recognized the signs and rescued me. This is one of my research interests. I hope the work I do will help bring awareness to some of the ways we experience abuse like in autism parent blogs.

Im autistic/adhd, this video made me realize just how much ive been taken advantage of. No one ever talks to me unless they need something and most the time they ask in the form of a "favor". Im currently and HVAC tech and i also do other home services as well but the only time anyone ever talks to me is when something is broken, same when i was a teen, i was the first person of my friends to have a car and everyone always wanted me to take them places and i was good with it because i was getting to hang out with with other kids. I eventually learned people just wanted me for convenience so i stopped and never heard from them anymore.

Gave up trying to be one of them. Solitude is my only friend now.

My biggest weakness is I cant advocate for myself. Im very easy going. Im very slow to anger and frustrate and many take advantage of my passiveness. Then get shocked when I finally snap. Years of being told im wrong or overreacting, called too emotional or not emotional enough, it was just easier to cruise along very passive. But I can remember back to early school years until even in adult years with people I assumed were friends, inevitably they'd ask to borrow something and I'd never see it again and if I asked for it back I'd get brushed off until they just discarded me. I did learn early on very few were actually friends and that most people only cared what I could do and benefit them yet I'm still blind to many of it decades later. I know some are doing it but I still hope that the ones I think are friends aren't and inevitably it usually ends up they were too but just better at manipulating me. Still to this day some of the most damaging things I've heard were to do with only being around me for money or security. When all I've ever wanted is people to have liked me for who I am. Its either im tolerated for what I provide as beneficial or people want to change me to suit what they want.

Yes, definitely. I hate that people see us as less than like it’s okay to ignore us or only be friends for something, or a romantic partner trying to get you to do something and then leaving if it doesn’t happen soon enough. Even at work, I’ve been told to apologize to my bullies. No f$&king way. I’m sick of it. It’s all something neurotypicals constantly do to us : gaslighting.

The last person to commit mate crime with me was a mental health therapist who 'befriended' me to the point he ended up in my house and leading to me into a cult. I ended up disentangling myself before getting too deep but not before I ended up with trauma bonds. I spoke to a clinical psychologist afterwards it appears the therapist mostly likely had NPD. I reported him to the Government authorities. He got suspended and received disciplinary action. Then allowed to return to work after a probationary period

I'm autistic and ADHD. It's like you're describing my whole life here. At 59 I decided I'm so fed up with being used, played with, bullied...then people saying, "Well just don't be so gullible." Like I choose to be. 😒 Dumped all the people who were unsympathetic when I was in burn out, refuse to trust anyone entirely, and stay home as much as possible. You give really great advice. I've stopped letting anyone I haven't known for years into my home. Ir if it's someone doing a service, I follow them to the room they're in. I also don't put up with bad treatment anymore. And if someone lies to me once, I never trust or even respect them anymore. I wish there was a support group where I lived. Or even in my state, but there isn't. I have 4 real friends in the world, but they're the best quantity, so that's enough for me.

I learned pretty early not to get taken advantage of (conned).BUT I have zero defences against gaslighting and bullying. And yes, not really understanding that a real friend doesn't gaslight and bully you. Literally this led to my ASD diagnosis at age 59. I wondered how I could be so vulnerable to bullying and gaslighting at this age ... and all my life.

In my own life (as autistic) I have found it hard to say "no". I used to see it as if others took advantage of me and my good nature as I gave in and surrendered to the will of others. What I eventually learned was that it is my responsibility to put value in myself and to draw lines for what I am okay with or not. Even if I have been practicing for about 2 decades now, I can still find it hard to say no at times. I remind myself often that I'm responsible for my own feelings and well-being. Sure, it is nice when you find decent people that genuinely care and treat you well, but that can not be expected from everyone.

I'm pretty sure the reason why narcissistic parents are so common when it comes to kids that later grow into adults with autism and why it's so hard to deal with is because due to masking we want to feel loved by them. This then is like being their mirrors. As most autistic people know after trying to unmask, there is always that mask that is a reflection of how we we're raised and this even goes for people not on the spectrum. Having a parent or both parents who either are narcissists or have those traits is being their child is like having someone around to validate you all the time. The work you have to do to unmask as an adult (when late diagnosed) is even more difficult, you end up being stuck thinking about the very people that thrive on you giving them your attention and energy. Then if you're trying to figure out which traits came from where and unpacking all the trauma and trying to understand them on a deeper level so you don't feel like a horrible person for realizing the truth about them. Deep down they are people too, and those bad traits had to have came from somewhere. I think this is the double empathy issue, I am not sure what to call it. The problem is a lot if the older generation don't like to talk about difficult things. Sometimes they grew up in a family where getting mental health care was stigmatized or they we're bullied into not talking about their experienced abuse or feelings or taught to suppress emotions. Now as an adult with autism (diagnosed really late), I can finally recognize how when I act like my parents and mirror them they tend to respond better. If I act 'strange' or like myself I feel left out. It's a lot for people to deal with and a lot of it is also generational trauma. That's my opinion on some of these things. Being raised by someone who is a narcissist leaves you vulnerable to getting into similar relationships, and in a way it almost sets you up as an autistic person to always be the listener, and to always react how someone wants you to. It's like ABA therapy but for your entire life. 😮‍💨

Useful…frustrating to remember how much you’ve allowed to happen when we’re so nice as humans

I faced 10years in prison because of a “friend” asking me to “help them out”. Trust no one especially friends. Sheesh!

It is high time these vulnerabilities are exposed. I am a fierce person and I have been taken many times and have taken a full year to heal from an entire companies strategy of taking liberties against people who do not know better.

That “new” friend can also be called “work”! Can you work overtime? Can you work an extra shift? Can you work every holiday? I literally cannot remember that last time i saw my family on Christmas Day.

This video explains how I ended up with two seperate "Friends" living with me rent free for multiple years.

I was raped and I didn’t know until years later

At least twice in my life I found myself working for people I later realized were sociopaths. In one of those cases, I figured out that they planned to embezzle all of our clientele's money (millions of dollars) and they were going to let me take the fall for it, since they were safely outside of the country. That day I was able to contact everyone and warn them not to do the money transfer that was asked of them, preventing the crime. I pulled the plug on the whole company and went home to my wife and kids unemployed. Wife was not happy with me.

Wow, eye opening. It explains a lot about many of the times I have "believed the best" in people, to my disadvantage. Hard lessons to learn both emotionally and financially.

Been taken advantage of, in one form or another, all my life. I just recently found out I have ADHD as well as Autism, at 45. After leaving a 4 yr marriage,,, I found out was never legal because he was already married. I lost everytthing, because my children and i had to flee the situation.. . . Only to run into the arms of a 30+yr friend whom i thought would protect me and treat me well. I was wrong. Now i am completely into a burnout, And the meltdowns keep coming. And i know he hates me.... Learning why ive felt like a monster all my life, is a relief. But the grief, frustration, anxiety, and severe depression I am feeling over this..... with absolutely no one to support me.... it's killing me thank you for posting this

My SO is constantly being taken advantage of by a couple of female family members who know he can’t read them and recognize their manipulative tactics. They always bulldoze him into doing things he doesn’t want to and he will then neglect other relationships when these two women are in the picture.

Yes, as someone attractive by society standards, not having a familial support system and obtaining a career for myself, I was often targeted by charismatic gold digger type of men who wanted to possess me and use me.

As a 43 year old with aspergers syndrome I am lucky that I have never experienced a Autistic mate crime. I am however extremely introverted and I don't actively seek friendships. In high school people did attempt to make me look foolish or to fool me but they where not my friends. Sometimes they succeeded but it did not bother me as I never cared what people thought of me. And my values where so vastly different to their values that the things they thought were impotent simply had no real meaning to me.

I have created a bubble around myself now that I'm in my 50s. I am so exhausted by all of the people who I gave all, not understanding that it was not reciprocated with any equality. It sucks, but ultimately I have less drama in my life.

Happened to me a lot as a kid which is probably subconsiously why it's harder to get close to people.

More people need to see this, and learn and teach this to others! I could literally follow your video script through the timeline of my own life! I never saw the pattern until it was too late, sometimes years later. I have aspergers and adhd and struggle with depression and anxiety. Thank you for this.

Excellent video! I know it might be too heavy of a topic (and this comment might be way too late to get noticed lol), but I know from experience and statistics that autistic individuals are also disproportionately victims of domestic violence as well. Extreme burnout from that experience was the reason I got diagnosed. I think there are a lot of people out there that don’t recognize they’re being abused for a long time bc it’s such a confusing experience. Idk if it’s something you’d want to cover, but I’m sure it would help somebody get out of a bad situation or process a past one if you talked about it. Thanks for all your work, Dr. Service!

Many on the spectrum are very pragmatic, practical and highly skilled and prone to readily engage in collective activities to address needs of everyone.

There was an incident when I started to talk with a guy, and he ended up being around me for a few days. I ended up paying for things constantly. They claimed to others we married, at this point I did not know what to do it was scary. I told someone I knew, and she went through it with me. She helped me block him and priveted all my social media accounts. She said it was good. I did not say where I lived as it was when I was away on vacation. It did scare the hell out of me, but she listened and helped me through it.

Thank you for this video. My 24 year-old son is Autistic. I am a single father of 4. I hesitantly encouraged a relationship between my kids & my ex wife, my kids' mother, who is Schizophrenic with Delusional Disorder. However, I always hoped she would get help so the kids would be able to have their mother in their life. Unfortunately, she screwed us all over, every single time. The last time their mom tried to be friends and boost my hopes that she would be healthily involved in the kids' lives was when she got married. After less than 2 years She and her husband divorced, but this man, her subsequent ex-husband, acted like he wanted to be the kids "other dad." I'm afraid this man took advantage of my Autistic son's identity for his personal financial gain while have no financial or caretaker ties to my son. He always did so when I was not around (while I was at work or getting him to go to his house for the day. The whole situation makes me really feel very obligated to keep an unrelenting, watchful eye to protect my son, no matter what. It's really sad that people are capable of getting emotionally involved with mentally handicapped people, making them think they love them just to take advantage of them. My heart goes out anyone that has had to go through this.

Yes. Something really bad happened and I really hate what happened but all I can do is learn from it. But this stems from much of time coming in from an abusive home. Narcarristic parents and autistic child go hand and hand. Why I'm not sure but I've seen it personally and seen it professionally when I was a paraprofessional.

I even experienced a well known national autistic charity doing this to the exact people they were supposed to be helping.

I realised that I couldn't try to b around ppl any more. Be super helpful, ignoring boundaries, putting up with being disliked but allowed to b in certain social circles led to more shame, SA and addiction.

I haven't known this concept and I never reasiled this was a thing that happened to me but when you explained me I just got a flood of flashbacks with yet new dots getting suddenly connected and new pathways of understanding unlocked and I wanna cry

So true resonated with me. My brother and my autistic friends. Luckily I have found genuine friends but in the past I have been a victim. My real friends look out for me as I am single again widow for a year. Lost my soul mate of 29 years.

Jesus, this pretty much defines my entire experience when living in a shared housing situation.

I struggle with this at work. One of my biggest struggles is getting and holding a job. I’ll go above and beyond if I feel like my help is needed to a point where I wreck myself. And the employer does not feel nearly as dedicated to me as I do to them. This is very much my fault, but I really struggle because I don’t know where to draw the line. Being taken advantage of is almost the only opportunity that I can find employment.

If I could only have all the money and possessions that I loaned out in my late teens and throughout my 20s to so-called "friends"... and never got back. Looking back, I was just trying so hard to be a good person. It took some hard lessons for me to learn to guard myself and my belongings better.

Ive allowed myself to be physically and mentally abused by friends and partners my whole life simple because i wanted any attention. If i could give someone enjoyment even through my physical or emotional displeasure i would do it. I thought they might like and that it made me tough but they didn't, they just like the act of hurting, its a rush, like the pull of a trigger. It sucked but its nice knowing i don't have to do that anymore.

Yes I feel like I been taken advantage of by doctors who ignore me when I told them my parents weren't liseyin to me and the doctor only listened to those with money not the patient

Thank you for this compassionate and honest discussion. I hate that I am more vulnerable to manipulation, scamming and generally being taken advantage of but as that is the case (which my personal history shows all too well) I am working on reaching out to my team of safe people to double-check my perceptions and back me up.

Autism/ADHD/bipolar disorder type 2 here. I have definitely been the victim of autistic crimes. Some have been fairly innocuous, such as picking my brother and his friends up from the bar when it closed, but I drove his vehicle, it was just a phone call in the middle of the night to go for an hour (not great, but it wasn't costing me anything other than a bit less sleep). Some were much worse. One of the worst autistic mate crimes that I was subject to was a girl who I was crushing on pretty bad. I had met her while she was an exchange student at my university, and after she got home, we kept talking. She knew that I wanted to date her, and I offered to fly her to visit me for Christmas. I spent a lot of time preparing, including helping her to find a job. That included spending all my free time for weeks writing her cover letter, updating her resume, searching for suitable companies in her field, sending out hundreds of letters of inquiry pretending to be her, etc. She got an offer for an interview during her trip, I drove three hours to pick her up from the airport, found us a place to stay for a couple days, drove her to a job interview, took her to see some sights, etc. Then we drove the four hours to visit my family for Christmas. She also wanted to go visit her host family that was four hours away in the opposite direction from where I lived, so I drove her there and she spent a few days with them. After that, I picked her up, six hours to where I lived, and the next day another three hours to drop her off at the airport for her to fly home. She didn't pay a dime for any of the travel costs, but it cost me thousands. To be fair to her though, she did show me affection, and she did buy nice Christmas presents for me and my parents. She had stayed at my place for a few days during the trip, and I let her use my computer to talk with her family and friends (MSN Messenger was the most common system at the time). I forgot that my computer recorded chat logs because of a program I had installed and I never thought to mention it. A few months later, I was looking through my chat logs for some reason, and I saw some chats I didn't recognize. I took a look at them, and she was talking with two guys. One guy, and they were talking about how it was too bad that they wouldn't get to see one another because he was away for the holidays, and about how much they wanted to hold each other (she ended up marrying him a few years later). The second guy, there wasn't much detail other than she lost her earring in his car and her lips were purple afterwards, but reading between the lines suggest that something definitely happened (this happened while she was staying with her host family). She also asked the one guy to lie to me when he called in case I answered (she never mentioned me to either of them, at least in the chats). She was also talking with both of them about her Bible studies. When I confronted her, she showed no real remorse, but claimed that she had really wanted to try to make things work with me. We didn't talk much after that. It was over a decade after that that I got diagnosed as being on the spectrum. There were other instances in other relationships and friendships where I was taken advantage of, mostly pretty minor stuff, but that was the most egregious.

Be lonely, it’s better then getting used and abused. It is better to have no friends, then constantly be taken advantage of. Relationships should be a two way street, however if you constantly give and get nothing in return, remove yourself from this environment.

Yea my son was diagnosed with dyslexia - years ago told by experts his adhd symps weren’t really adhd . So no help for adhd .He has been taken advantage of big time and listened to the dodgey people that were not the best for him . I felt he did this because he felt he didn’t fit and neither did they so they must be his friends - absolutely were not , they used him , opportunistic girlfriends used him and unfortunately he preferred to listen to them rather than us . A big spiral down for him . I’ve just discovered the highly heritable nature and I too am on the ND spectrum .

I recognize some of these patterns in relationships, and even marriages. The ASD spouse learns that being over accommodating to a NT spouse can result in less conflict and anxiety. Eventually, it leads to resentment by the ASD spouse if they sense their partner was over reliant on their Willingness to sacrifice to please their partner. This might be intentional if the NT spouse knows and leverages the ASD spouses desire for relationships and validation. In other cases, the NT spouse might not understand that their partner is ASD and with ASD they are vulnerable to manipulation, and likely to avoid a conflict that might damage the relationship .

I've been through this so many times and it's caused so much horrible stress and anxiety

I gave up watching TV five years ago. A very good decision. I thoroughly recommend it.

Omg I'm just now seeing this video and those examples you gave are me to a T. People are always taking advantage of me repeatedly. I always attract abusive Narcissists. I was diagnosed with autism in my 30s. I'm 47 now. I also have multiple mental ilIness diagnoses. I give too much and trust too much. But it's never enough. My 3 grown kids are sick of me and sick of these abusive relationships I get into. I wasn't too good as a mom. 2 of them won't talk to me rn and it's my fault. I've always been weird and misunderstood. I thought being nice to people would make folks treat me better. I was wrong. They take and take and take til I'm tapped out smh 😔

So true I've been taken advantage of mentally, emotionally and physically until this past year. I met a compassionate person who looks out for me and helps me figure things out

Hearing you say these things out loud, with compassion and authority... speechless! Sniff... 😢

The problem with using “ditching normal friends” as a “symptom” of mate crime is that new friends could be better friends than the old ones. The old friends could be the ones committing the mate crime or general crappiness. So I would caution people to look at the different people/groups and see what the individual situations are. Because it’s incredibly hard for a lot of people to leave old friends if they don’t have new friends to go to. Sometimes you need that external validation and that other option to develop the self esteem to leave a bad situation.

I would love it if you would address the grief in receiving an unwanted autistic diagnosis, the grief in understanding how autism has negatively affected relationships in the past and the grief in dealing with the loss of losing the “person” who the mask portrayed.

Damn this hit me hard… I have felt taken advantage off a lot… had “best friend “ that lead me down a bad place and abused my trust and care…

On the other hand, there are patterns to the manipulators that can be identified, once you know to look. We autists are often great at open recognition. Unfortunately we usually have to be burned first before we recognize the patterns, but they are there to be seen, if you look.

I have a long history of "friends" who where taking advantage or abusing me. It was always so hard to see and could take years to recognize. I had fake best-friend, work partner who stole some money from me and manipulated me to work for free for a long time, fake suol-mate who used me to build up his self esteem and even a stalker who started to spy on me and stay at night under my house ... In all these cases I was recognizing something is wrong wayyy too late and usually first reaction was guilt and shame and often it was very hard to cut off this connection right away. I still suffer since last abuse and have great difficulty in trusting anyone. 😢 I gave up seraching for friends because I am too much afraid to get hurt again... Thank you for this video - showed me that I am not naive or stupid but I am in quite common situation.

Really grateful for this insight. I’m AudHD and my heart is genuinely over this. I come to find comfort in my own solitude, and even when I read scripture. I still have hope that true friends exist for me, and I for them. I won’t give up. But for now I am back in my solitude until I’m ready to try again. ❤

I’m so happy I found your channel. I’m AuDHD. I may have only ever had 1 friend, but even then I was being used by them to hide their lifestyle. I’m 43 now and I don’t have any friends because I just can’t trust anyone anymore. Even my spouse turned out to be a user and a loser.

Hi there I am 41 years old . I went in for adhd testing as someone I worked with and connected with told me they were adhd...turns out I have adhd and asd. Your videos are extremely relatable to me. Thank you so much. I often feel taken advantage of. Filled with conflicts and misunderstandings and only now being made aware those feelings may be valid

Its almost like being autistic = being a good person and not being autistic = being a bad person. And for some reason, being a good person is a condition, and being a bad person is “normal.” And im sure living in a Capitalist society has *nothing* to do with this. NOT.

I've dealt with it all my life and I find the most depressing thing about it is the fact that I'm completely aware of what's going on but usually can't be arsed to negotiate. I used to know someone who I went to football with and he was increasingly treating me like a travel/booking agent because he didn't have a credit card. He wasn't ripping me off, just taking liberties with my time. And adding stress to my only 'social' outlet. I just cut him off in the end. Told him what I thought of him. I'm very cynical and much less open to people now I'm old. I'm nice enough and I like people in the right zone. 😂 I normally spot a piss taker quite quickly these days.

I have a most unpleasant living situation. The on site maintenance man does everything for the landlord. He is obnoxious & creepy. He asks for rides, knocks on my car window if Im inside. He asks what I'm getting from Amazon. Hovers & tries to force me to let him carry my groceries up. I just want left alone. He acts like a stalker. I am traumatized.

I wish my parents would have had this convo with me. This was extremely useful.

its complex bc yea my friend has hurt me but also he says being around me helps him and i feel that hanging out/comnecting with him is overall positive for me. hes def got issues and hes mostly aware of them and pretty proactive abt them in his own way. ive been told I'm a difficult person too so it's rare to "click" with somebody. great video btw tysm and good tips.

I absolutely know true friends. Golden retrievers.

Simple answer is yes. I couldn't understand what lying was or why somebody would lie or why somebody would do something criminal. I vaguely remember watching a children's movie a few years ago as an adult where the one kid is like hey let's go over to the Johnson's house and they asked me to watch it for them while they're out of town and the other kids like sure okay I'll help you with that... As an adult I totally get it but I was totally the kid that was like okay we'll go over there and watch the Johnson's house and I'll help you mean while I'm now an accessory to a crime. Sorry I don't remember the name of the movie.

There's a phenomenon that occurs in the human brain where if you ignore the very first warning sign of a potentially dangerous situation, it becomes harder and harder to recognize each subsequent warning sign until you've eventually gotten yourself into a very dangerous situation without even recognizing it until you're basically screwed. This happens a lot in situations where real physical danger is present, but I suspect it works the same way with dangerous social situations.

I have Aspergers Syndrom and have been taken advantage of so many times that I actively avoid to get new friends and have no contact with my biological family. I have one person in my life, a friend for 35 years and I don't want anyone else. I live alone in the forest and will never have another partner.

I have an issue with thinking I can or wanting to"fix" someone . My empathic nature will control my common sense, which almost instantly puts me in scenarios where I've lost control of the ability to say no. It's affected me my whole life, and now I'm paranoid that everyone is trying to take advantage of me.

As a definitely autistic female I left all of society eight years ago and went on the road I learned I had about 50 different personalities you call them mask it wasn't like a personality disorder schizophrenia type personalities it was all personalities that I had taken on to try to survive I was always in fight or flight but that is also attributed to coming out of a home from birth until I was 16 years old that I was horribly horribly abused mentally emotionally physically and sexually a horrible prison my entire childhood I found myself finding comfort with the homeless people I would say for sure that most homeless people are autistic they were the most compassionate loving understanding accepting people I had ever been around I could actually be myself I did not have to wear a mask and neither did they and it was the most wonderful experience in my life to be with people where I could be what I call my normal and the same for them they could be their normal so you had mentioned if people come and ask you for money generally it would be a homeless person there is a reason why they are homeless and it's because they could not fit in this Society and to that is their only way of survival so I am going to just put a correction there there are not facilities that help you like you think there is I can for sure speak on my own behalf and definitely other homeless people's behalf all those programs you think are helping people are definitely not helping people so if you see somebody standing on the side of the road asking for a dollar asking for some change asking for anything trust me they need the money and yes a lot of them are strung out on drugs and might use the money to get more drugs but that's because there are not programs out there that help these people so if somebody asks you for a dollar or some change or some help with some medication it wouldn't kill you to throw them a buck or two it's way different than the so-called normal people that take advantage of you and take your money which I had that very problem throughout my entire adult life where the so-called normal people completely took advantage of me and did nothing but take from me Non-Stop until I cut them all out of my life

I've just come to realize that I'm ADHD and autistic in the past few months, primarily due to the link with my dyslexia (dyscalculia, specifically). I'm currently in a mate crime situation with somebody I tried to help avoid being homeless that has evolved into an unwelcome and stubborned roommate. Thank you for your wisdom in this video explaining to me exactly how and why this has happened. I will now feel more comfortable proceeding from here to remedy the situation post haste.

I really appreciate your understaning and positivity about autistic personalities. It seems there have been too many negative interpretations about autistic people from the neurotypical point of view which is demoralising, dehumanising and doesn't seek to support autistic people or see their kindness and strengths and talents and desire to learn social knowledge and connect.

14:52 False and cruel. Source: Im autistic and was homeless for a while and there were no organizations that helped me. Only the kindness of strangers kept me alive. Now I run the biggest autism support group in Texas and help change lives. We live in a society and have to look out for each other.

I was taken advantage of by my brother. My brother is a clinical sociopath. He constantly stole from me and even helped his sociopath friends steal from me. He told everyone he met that i was crazy which prevented me from getting a girlfriend until I was over 30. My stupid family believed that he was the good kid and i was crazy. Partly because my mother and several of my aunts and uncles have antisocial personality disorder. My mother was a borderline who blatantly favored my brother over me. She has since died. Ive since been vindicated. My brother literally became a crackhead and drug dealer. He got caught cooking crack in my parents house while my dad an i were at the er cuz my mom had a stroke. When my dad finally disowned my brother he made a final attempt to commit check fraud against my dad then attempted to kidnap his gf and her baby to s**cide by cop. Fortunately he was arrested without incident. Because of my experiences i flat out refuse to interact with anyone with antisocial personality disorder. I truly believe everyone of them to be evil and completely incapable of empathy. I would support segregating every last person with antisocial personality disorder from the rest of society.

I started working at a horse barn a few months ago. Each week the barn owner would ask me to do something else on top of everything else. It's starting to get way to much work for way to little pay.

Watching this helped me understand myself and why I do what I do...

I have a very strong sense of what is wrong and right, and strong adherence to rules, so it is extremely difficult to talk me into doing anything illegal or shady. But it is unfortunately easy to talk me into doing something that is disadvantageous to me. It has been really difficult for me to learn to say no, and to set boundaries. I've never struggled in making friends - it's not about that - but I totally mispredict the consequences of saying no. I've only started to realize these things in the last couple of years. I've only started seriously suspecting being on the spectrum recently, and I did not even realize before this video that these things might be connected.

I’m pretty good at figuring out the difference NOW. But I have gotten into a lot of friendships and relationships with people who have taken advantage of me and/or bully me. For me the problem right now is my family. I am so used to being disregarded and mistreated by my extended family that I didn’t realize how much stress family events (while physically disabled and autistic) were putting me under until I started to regularly be around people who saw me and acted happy to see me for the entire time I was somewhere, not just the first 10 seconds. Then I went to family events two days in a row and had two straight days of meltdowns. Today I refused to go to a family function and had the best time at home alone being perceived only by my cat lmao. It was amazing.

One thing that always gets me mad is when they ask me why something happened. I explain everything and they tell me they dont want excuses. Only trying to aggravate me and it happens way to often.

I've always been aware of a vulnerability arising from my lack of social intuition and instinctive judgement, and so I mostly avoided being taken advantage of by setting an extremely high intimacy threshold below which I didn't recognize someone as an actual "true" friend (Instead relegating basically everyone except my immediate family and the handful of people I have loved to a realm of "casual friend") I've had other issues with relationships, but rarely just 'taken advantage of' - one has to trust people for that and if I don't trust myself, I certainly am not going to trust some random person.

Happens at work too

When your first crime mate was your mother, it sets you up to a insane level of blindness to this dynamic and a deep confusion about what's a good balanced relationship.

I haven't been diagnosed with autism but I do have ptsd and struggle with other mental health issues like adhd (still trying to get the diagnosis for adhd because in my area most psychiatrists don't want to diagnose me with it because I'm older, and they think if I had it, then I should have gotten diagnosed with it as a kid, but the thing is I masked it! I did it to fit in because I was terrified of being diagnosed with it and being put on meds for it.) But the adhd is debilitating, it makes it so hard to work, get things done, function, study and do school. I get so overwhelmed. I wonder often if I have autism too but just haven't been diagnosed. I share a lot of similarities with autistic people when I look up videos about it so this video resonates with me a lot. I definitely grew up with fake friends who used me as a secret punching bag and a person to bully to my face and behind my back. It hurt a lot. And they would try to get me to do things I didn't want to do. I am glad I am not in high school or middle school anymore because those were the worst years of my life, but I am glad to know I am not alone in having this happen to them.

I have been taken advantage by family, friends, collegues and I started seeing through the manipulation just when the person started playing the same moves, using the same sentences on others that I realized is like an Abstract Pattern of a Parasite Structure

I didn't think I'd been taken advantage of until you listed lending money, having me spend money on them, and having to act a certain way.

I can't say I've ever felt like I was being taken advantage of, but I'm incredibly stubborn and stick to my principles even if I'm talking to someone I know and love. For example, if you ask me to buy you something and it's not a special occasion or I just don't want to then I won't. The only exception to that is if someone's hungry and hasn't eaten that day, because I know what that's like and would rather no one else go through it. I'll probably pick up something cheap and (relatively) healthy, though. No lobster or steak. It probably helps that I'm also pretty good at picking up on manipulation and hate that kind of behavior. I've repeatedly called people out for it and pointed out to others when someone was trying to manipulate them.

I’m an ADHDer Who is starting to suspect I may be autistic. I look back at my life and see how many times I was scammed out of money And the many times I just trusted people at their word and didn’t even consider ulterior motives. This video really helped me see some lifelong patterns that I just thought were because I was defective somehow

Thank you. I wish I knew this earlier

I still have trouble grasping how malicious people can be for very little gain and how many such people are out there after more than 5 decades on this planet. Luckily most of them are not as smart as they are ruthless and many hit their heads hard when trying, they still made my life miserable and wasted so much of my time and energy.

Im a manager, i been abused and betrayed by employes so many times because i try to be empathic with them. I even lost 2 jobs because employes lied about me. My new job, i just fired them straight at the begining when i notice they lie or when i hear they talk against me or their coworkers or complain about the job

I considered anyone who was nice to me as being a friend, that was enough. I am 47 and realize now I never had a friend my entire life. They all took advantage in some way or form, none are around anymore. My new criteria for a friend would be someone who is nice to me and sticks around after getting to know me. I have yet to find that. I don't even try to make friends, I figure that it's better to be alone at this point.

I was lucky: I was only taken advantage of by my parents and my first long-term girl-friend. She'd really push me to the limits (and past them). I often felt made to do something I didn't really want to or feel right about. Some of those things, though, I now don't regret...

this is true. it’s happened to me several times, unfortunately.

I have never had a true friend that I know of. People when I was younger were only taking advantage of me and other people weren't helping just victim blaming me or actively enabling the mate criminals. A lot of autistic people who are 'reasonably smart and independent' fall for it because of enablers and to prevent the true colours of the fake friend when that disappears and direct bile and hatred comes out because the autistic person said no. Most of the people in my Asperger syndrome support group/social club live with smore often then not loving/supportive familiess and have carers who have their back. However I don't hand no one has my back. I have recently had strangers in town asking me for a £1. Even there with me people enable this so therefore no one is any help/use. Just because one autistic person has people who look out for him/her it doesn't mean that every autistic person does.

This video is so accurate it gave me a panic attack.

For the violent crime thing, it would make sense that autism is indirectly correlated though - someone undiagnosed (or even diagnosed) struggling in life so much to the point their trauma corrupts their mind and they _become_ violent criminals as a result of the said trauma and emotional turmoil and all? Not that it's an inherent trait or a direct cause, but just a risk factor that indirectly might push a person into wrongdoing, especially when they just can't cope or see no other way to function in an environment that is hostile to them (at lest subjectively, in their own perception).

I've given lots of money away in the past. My husband has weaseled money away from me for years. Not anymore. Another thing that has happened a lot is my kids make friends and their parents end up dumping their kids on me to give them rides or watch them while the parents go out. It also doesn't help that I'm brown skinned so i think it's easy for them to look at me like the help.

Starting from the last thing you said about learning about autisum to not get yourself in to a bind , well how are we to learn? I was diagnosed at 41 , paid a shit tone of money to get a bit of paper and 3 recommendations to get more assessments done for adhd, dyslexia and auditory processing disored, slapped on the ass like a new born autistic and sent out in to the world with no further threapy from the clinical psychologist that did my assesment to go find the illusive unicorn " a clinical psychologist that specializes in women on the spectrum " .... None in my region, not even a clinical psychologist that does adults on the spectrum and im just happy i have a good psychologist thats honest enough to admit they dont normality have clients on the spectrum as they specialize in truma but 41 years not knowing your not just quirky and have been manipulated by a predator for 7 years that looks for autistic women to date to gaslight , rob them blind , be uba toxicity controlling and pathologically abuse you but " your mistaken and have it all wrong because your not normal, your broken , your not capable to look aftet your own money, accounts and genrally your own thoughts because im autisic" and thats how they get their kicks, meanwhile your having children with them and are wearing the engagement ring thats never going to lead to marriage. Never was. Was brought off someone dodgy at the pub it turns out but i was told it was an old family ring yet no one in their family had ever seen it befor? The ring is to make you stay when it looks like us asd gals are getting suspicious and its a great distraction , a marriage proposal when they are just planning to take you for a ride for how ever long they can get away with it . Prince charming that quietly pushs all you buttons to have you in constant meltdown and is mr perfect to be understanding and be their for you to pick up the pieces of the meltdowns they cause on purpose so they can be Prince charming at the same time grind it in a little harder that " im not capable to ..... manage even my own car insurance " . So i find out after leaving them that when they put me on the " family insurance " 6 years beforhand, they where just keeping the money and the insurance company on trying to change my cars address and banking details , well my registration for my car was never in their system. 6 years i was driving without any car insurance but when i managed my own insurance i had a rating 1 , top insurance with no claims and a spotless record for over 15 years and now im back to square 1 as i have not been insured for YEARS! Im back to paying the highest premiums like i just got my licence. Friend crimes, try partner crimes and he was back on the autustic perants facebook pages claiming he is autistic look for the next victom , single autistic women with autisic kids as their usually pretty isolated and he is Mr all understanding Prince charming looking to get a cut from the goverment in a carers pension for you and your kids even if you are not on a disability pension, he still claims and will steal your kids Ritalin but you must be mistaken , he would never do that ... more like he will not take a heap of them in one hit but for some strange reason your short each month or you lost the script out of you purse... again . Yeah , i spoke to his next victom and i have no hate for her but i did say " you dont have to believe me , just take note and see if it happens. First he will start getting your bills out of your name , dont let him as once he get his name on to your bills and your name off them , he will own your... car , phone account and that means he has control of your phone records , any loans your paying off... he is looking for the jackpot of just takings your house and everything you own . Don't let him make out your more disabled than you and your kids are , he will aim for next of kin status and use it as a medical power of antourny to control everything from what meds you take to who you see as your practitioner but think , how offten did you meltdown befor meeting him ? Are you getting thrown in to places that meltdowns are more fewquent and he is there to be prince charming to pick up the pieces afterwards, think why did that last meltdown happened, it would of been him having you in rumble zone for like a week then drop you in the deep end the act like he is your rock and saviour afterwards but quietly reminding you that your mentally ill and thats when he offers to take the stress off your plate by stealling a bit more of your personal agencey. Poor woman was getting thrown under the bus by him real quick and it was me that had her open her eyes that she had not had a meltdown in over a year befor him and they where a weekly thing since he got him traps around her. Oh and he offered to put her on his car insurance after being together for only 3 months and was trying to get her to move away from all her supports and had started the process of claiming a carers pension for her and her son even though she worked and had ndis carers in place to help with her son . Ass hole tried to pounce on me as i set up a new facebook account under another name as he was stalking me on line , wel. Still is but he is stalking a dead page , hence the new name on line and he messaged me on my new account after seeing fresh meat on the autistic pages and i was horrified as he was doing the same pick up lines he got me with the first time round but this time i coukd see what he was doing and his pick up routine is a mix of prince charming and dominance from the get go and if you say that you did not like how he said something , then the gas lighting came in , in full swing. He relies on the fact that we have had a life time of being told we having got it wrong or we misunderstood and thats his chess game . In 4 messages to me and all 4 i sent back to him saying " im not here to meet men , he was pushing me around trying to get my phone number and telling me to not be so stoic when i said his advances where not welcomed. He would not take no for an answer to the point i had to block him and report him to admin . Little did he know he was in for the kill on his ex!